AVERY BRANDI BRONCS CAPTAIN_MASSEY CHEERLEADERS CHEERLEADER_1 CHEERLEADER_2 CHEERLEADER_3 HAILEY HEATHER KATHERINE LIFEGUARD MAX MEDICAL_TEAM_MEMBER_1 OBSTETRIC_SURGEON OLIVIA PRINCIPAL_PHOTOGRAPHY ROSIE SEBASTIAN TEEN_AVERY TEEN_MAX TEEN_TRISTAN TRISTAN WALLA YOUNG_CAPTAIN_MASSEY HEATHER I'm pregnant, and you're definitely the father. Congratulations, we're having a baby. TRISTAN Next round's on me. ROSIE When's the last time you went a day without a drink? TRISTAN I guess before I started here. ROSIE That was three years ago, Tristan. TRISTAN I'm Tristan. I may have a drinking problem. AVERY God, I've always been so careful, responsible. The next surprise is I'm pregnant. HEATHER Having a baby at our age, so many things could go wrong. CAPTAIN MASSEY I'm going to be there. We're going to do this together. PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY TRISTAN That is called a herkie, and that, that's... a basket toss. Flawless execution. AVERY What? Were you a... What do you call a male cheerleader? TRISTAN A cheerleader. AVERY Ah. TRISTAN And, yes, a proud member of the Saint Leonard Spirit Squad. Go Lions. AVERY Really? MAX For you, my dear. AVERY Oh. MAX Filled with folic acid for neural tube development. AVERY Thank you. Mmm. For a thought, it tastes like orange juice and fish. MAX Hmm. That's probably the omega-3s for brains and eyes. I-I got this recipe from a healer in Ghana. I've been trying to tweak it ever since, but clearly needs a little bit more work. AVERY Mmm. CHEERLEADERS G-O! Let's go! G-O! Let's go! G-O! Let's go! TRISTAN Let's go! AVERY MAX So what are we in here for with cheer week? AVERY Lots of spirit. A dozen college cheer squads doing workshops on jumps and stunts. MAX So a lot of sprained ankles. TRISTAN Mmm. Plus concussions, black eyes. I mean, these athletes take being top girl very seriously. My final year, I saw one girl stab another with a fork. AVERY Huh? MAX You were a cheerleader? TRISTAN Well, the male-to-female ratio really worked in my favor. What about you, Dr. Odyssey? I'm guessing a football player. MAX And baseball, till I got mono. MAX How about you? Let me guess, captain of the cheer squad or no, star swimmer. AVERY TRISTAN AVERY I was neither cool nor coordinated enough for either of those things. I opted for head of Model UN. Go international diplomacy! What? TRISTAN Before we dive into sprains and splits, okay. MAX Whoa, whoa, my guy! AVERY Whoa! AVERY Oh. MAX Oh. I thought you were going Magic Mike on us. AVERY Since when do you wear your swimsuit underneath your uniform? TRISTAN Since I started being sober curious and started eating three Hostess cupcakes a day. AVERY Ah. Put some omega-3s in those, and this baby will be a genius. MAX TRISTAN Well, Rosie encouraged me to take the edge off my alcohol cravings by finding another indulgence, and since I've tripled my daily dessert intake, I'm working out constantly, which means I'm sore constantly, thus logging lots of hours in the hot tub. MAX Great. Great. AVERY Great. TRISTAN Okay. Okay. AVERY Okay, see... see you soon. TRISTAN TRISTAN We finished with a switch-kick, double-kick basket, but then the right flank wobbled and then the whole pyramid collapsed. And with it our dreams of the Glasgow Northwest Regional Championships. BRANDI That happened to us at state last year. It was crushing, like actually crushing. The whole pile landed on Marley. She would have loved this. You were so her type. TRISTAN What, did she die? BRANDI God, no. She's getting her PhD in biochem at Cal. BRANDI Hot tub pyramid? For Marley? Who's in? CHEERLEADER 1 Let's do it. Yeah. CHEERLEADER 2 Yes. BRANDI This is gonna be so fire on Insta. BRANDI You wanna base? Still got the muscles for it. TRISTAN Thank you, Brandi, I'll pass. No diving, no cannonballing, and no herkie-ing in the hot tub, okay? BRANDI Of course. Just a little water workout. Great for the core. BRANDI You good? CHEERLEADER 1 Yeah, let's do it. BRANDI Go, U-C! Go, U-C! WALLA BRANDI Whoo! AVERY I really like it. MAX This job? CAPTAIN MASSEY Oh. Hey. AVERY What? MAX Hi. CAPTAIN MASSEY Just the people I was looking for. Listen to that. MAX That sounds like a healthy fetal heartbeat. CAPTAIN MASSEY You sure? MAX Oh, yeah. CAPTAIN MASSEY Not too fast? MAX Mm-mmm. CAPTAIN MASSEY Sounds fast to me. MAX No, it's good. CAPTAIN MASSEY Heather sent this to me after she saw the obstetrician today. AVERY Sounds to me like your little one is doing great. Congrats. CAPTAIN MASSEY Thank you. AVERY You okay? CAPTAIN MASSEY Yeah, I just kinda... I'm a little itchy. I... I changed soaps because Heather was sensitive to the Irish Spring, so I... I got a new soap and... MAX What did you switch to? CAPTAIN MASSEY Oh, just some soap I picked up in the last port at the drugstore. MAX No, no, no, no, no, Captain. No, those aren't soaps, they're detergents. They strip all the natural oils off of your body. MAX I'm something of a soap aficionado. Throw that stuff away. I'm gonna bring you a selection of my favorites. In fact, I started a new body wash today. It's got hyaluronic acid for moisture and a bamboo powder for a gentle yet effective exfoliation, and it is... MAX Incredible. CAPTAIN MASSEY Mu... Much appreciated, but unnecessary. AVERY You have a selection of favorite body washes? MAX The skin is the body's largest organ. It deserves... No, it demands to be respected. Have you thought about when to tell the captain the good news? AVERY What, about the baby? MAX Yes. AVERY Well, first we should probably settle the "Who's your daddy?" question. MAX Well, there are tests you can take for that, and you are far enough along now. You could take one of them. AVERY I know. AVERY I know. MAX And I'm not pushing. AVERY Yeah, you are a little. MAX Okay. I am pushing a little bit, but don't blame me. I'm just excited. AVERY Well, can you blame me for being worried about what happens when we get an answer? MAX What are you worried about? AVERY That things are gonna change. Between me and you, between me and Tristan, between the three of us, no matter what the answer is. MAX Yeah, that's probably right. AVERY I'm just... I'm not ready for that. WALLA TRISTAN TRISTAN TRISTAN CHEERLEADER 1 Ready? Okay. CHEERLEADERS Let's go, U-C! Let's go, U-C! Let's go, U-C! CHEERLEADER 1 Let's go! Whoo! Come on! BRANDI I've gotta rinse off. CHEERLEADER 1 Brandi? Brandi? Brandi! Brandi! CHEERLEADER 1 We need help. Help! CHEERLEADER 2 Help! CHEERLEADER 1 Brandi! CHEERLEADERS CHEERLEADER 3 Help! CHEERLEADER 1 Brandi! CHEERLEADER 3 Help! CHEERLEADER 1 Brandi! CHEERLEADER 3 Brandi! TRISTAN Move! CHEERLEADER 1 Brandi! TRISTAN Move, everybody. TRISTAN She's stuck in the drain. Call a code Alpha at the hot tub, get Rosie to turn off the suction and open up the secondary drains now. LIFEGUARD Turn off suction. TRISTAN Sebastian, I need some kind of tubing. SEBASTIAN Got it. BRANDI LIFEGUARD Rosie turned off the suction, started draining the tub, but that's going to take at least a half hour. TRISTAN That's too long. Nose plugs. TRISTAN Hold the top. All right. Ready? AVERY Move out of the way! TRISTAN Her hair and some of her scalp are trapped in the drain. Grab the medical shears. MAX Avery, I need you to give me rescue breaths into the tube every six seconds. I think she just passed out. I think she's got a sharp piece of the drain cover stuck in her neck. AVERY How bad? MAX It's close to her carotid artery. TRISTAN Well, we pull her off, we cut the carotid, she bleeds out. MAX Yeah. AVERY We need to dislodge her. I'll get a bottle opener. AVERY Heads up! Heads up! MAX Ready? One, two, three. TRISTAN Ready. MAX Right. Up on three. One, two, three. TRISTAN Three. AVERY Breath's shallow, pulse weak. TRISTAN Stay back. AVERY It's right on top of her artery. It could be tamponading pressure on the tear. MAX We can't move her. It could pierce the artery. We've got to take it out right here. AVERY What do you need? MAX Scalpel, forceps, the smallest vascular clamps you have and a needle driver. MAX Clamp down here. MAX One up here. MEDICAL TEAM MEMBER 1 Right here. MAX Get her down to the infirmary. I'll be right there. MAX Hey, girls, she's gonna be okay. She's gonna be okay. MEDICAL TEAM MEMBER 1 Got it. WALLA MAX AVERY TRISTAN Oh, that was amazing. MEDICAL TEAM MEMBER 1 Excuse us, folks. MAX Great work. TRISTAN AVERY God. AVERY Hey, guys, I think we should take a paternity test. AVERY PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY AUTOSOMAL DNA WALLA CAPTAIN MASSEY That young woman could've died. ROSIE We replaced the drain cover, put in another one made from high density polyethylene. Semi could sit on that thing and it wouldn't crack. It will never happen again. CAPTAIN MASSEY Shouldn't have happened in the first place. ROSIE Agreed. We spoke to the lifeguards. They know we're zero tolerance on water-based cheerleading shenanigans. CAPTAIN MASSEY Okay, thanks, Rosie. I've been sick to my stomach ever since I heard. Barely ate a thing. ROSIE Relax, Cap. It's handled. CAPTAIN MASSEY CAPTAIN MASSEY Okay. WALLA MAX Hey! You are drinking champagne and sitting in a hot tub. AVERY Everybody in. Equal footing on this one. AVERY AVERY Part of the paternity test is to analyze my blood to identify the fetal DNA. AVERY AVERY And there was none. AVERY I'm not pregnant, and I never was. MAX AVERY The positive test was probably because of a corpus luteum cyst on my right ovary. I found it on an ultrasound I did after the DNA results. TRISTAN Oh. Wow. I'm jus... You-You-You tested positive so many times. AVERY The cyst mimics the pregnancy hormone in the blood. TRISTAN Right. MAX AVERY Sorry, I've been... I put us through this. MAX No, no, no. No. You didn't do anything wrong. TRISTAN No. No. No. MAX Avery. MAX How are you doing? AVERY Uh, I'm fine. I'll be more fine once I have the cyst removed. I made an appointment at the next port. TRISTAN Is that risky? AVERY Not at all. It's a minor procedure. MAX That's good to hear, but I-I meant more emotionally, how are you doing? AVERY I'm a little disappointed, but also relieved. It simplifies a lot. I can focus on medical school. AVERY What about you guys? TRISTAN MAX When we were at the last port, I found this little shop, had these cute little onesies in... in the window. One of them had these gender-neutral pineapples on them, and I went inside. Because I figured the kid's gonna need a onesie one way or the other, but, uh, I was really hoping that-- TRISTAN Yeah. TRISTAN That it was yours? TRISTAN Yeah, me too. TRISTAN It gave me hope that maybe if we were raising a kid together, you'd... you'd... you'd give our relationship a shot. TRISTAN Yeah. AVERY That's a lot of pressure... on a cyst. I mean... I mean, how stupid are we? TRISTAN AVERY After everything we went through, after... after the endless hours of wondering whose baby it is and whose do I want it to be, and the whole time... AVERY And there wasn't even a baby. AVERY AVERY It wasn't a baby. AVERY No, no, no, no, no. This is making me feel worse, and I don't want to feel worse about a thing that never existed. MAX Easy, easy. Hey, hey, hey. Sit with us. Avery. TRISTAN We're here for you. AVERY Thank you. Thank you. But I c-can't. OLIVIA I'm sorry to interrupt, but I was hoping you guys could get me a sleeping pill. MAX Sure thing, one second. OLIVIA No, I barely slept last night, and I need to because our team is auditioning for a new flyer. I mean, Brandi can't fly anymore since she nearly got eaten by the hot tub. MAX Avery. OLIVIA Anyway, we're both up for it, which is hard because we're like best friends, but also because Hailey is Ritalin thin, and that is a big advantage for a flyer. HAILEY Well, I have ADHD, so I have to take it. TRISTAN Right. Okay, is your friend usually this, uh, wound up? HAILEY This is a lot, even for her. MAX Are you experiencing any lightheadedness or shortness of breath? OLIVIA Um, I-I don-don't know. My chest feels tight, I-I guess. MAX I think we need to get you down to the infirmary because it's possible that you are experiencing a panic attack. Come on, let's go. TRISTAN We're going this way. MAX Just take... take a deep breath. OLIVIA WALLA AVERY I see no cheerleaders with sprained ankles. TRISTAN Ah. You lured us here under false pretenses. MAX Yes, I did. But in my defense, I sent a text message, not an official medical alert. MAX So look, we are undoubtedly a complicated trio, and this meant a lot to all of us, each in our own way, and since we're all going to have to process the grief, I thought maybe we should process it together. MAX And in order to sweeten the pot... I have literally sweetened the pot. AVERY Is that Brie? MAX Yes, a variety of soft cheeses and other pregnancy-prohibited delights. We have sushi and cold cuts, and for my sober-curious friend, some cupcake-like confections. MAX Come on. Nothing heals like a hot tub. AVERY We don't even have our bathing suits. MAX Ah. Check the bag. TRISTAN How did you get my swim trunks? MAX Do you want to keep asking questions, or would you like some cupcakes with your friends? TRISTAN Mmm. AVERY Mmm. Okay. The Twinkie with the Brie, unexpectedly delightful. MAX Right? This better than being alone? AVERY Mmm. The dairy and the carbs help a lot. I'm still not ready to talk. TRISTAN Oh. Full marks for elevation. MAX Can't even watch. It makes me dizzy. CHEERLEADER 1 Thanks, medical types. TRISTAN It's good stuff. AVERY When you were young and spry, did you guys ever think that you'd be on a cruise in a hot tub with the rest of your throuple for the purpose of processing a pregnancy scare by eating Hostess cupcakes? MAX MAX TRISTAN The cupcakes are unexpected. AVERY MAX MAX What about you? Where'd you think you'd be? TEEN AVERY In a hospital, walking briskly down the halls, giving rapid-fire instructions to interns while wearing a long lab coat and ridiculously fashionable shoes. Or maybe in a medical tent with Doctors Without Borders. PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY BRONCS TEEN MAX TEEN AVERY Tristan, how about you? TEEN TRISTAN I want to get away from my family who clearly have no interest in me. Mostly I want an adventure. To travel everywhere, do everything. TEEN TRISTAN How about you, Max? TEEN MAX I want to help people. TEEN TRISTAN TEEN MAX I'm on the football team, the baseball team, the homecoming court. I clearly don't mind attention, but I also want to do some good, so maybe medicine for me too. TEEN TRISTAN TEEN TRISTAN Aw, you two are adorable. TEEN MAX And I want a family. Kids, coaching Little League, the whole thing. TEEN TRISTAN I'd like to try being a dad someday. Not sure I'd be any good at it. I didn't have the best examples. TEEN AVERY But you're fun. Kids love that. TEEN MAX Yeah. TEEN MAX What about you? Do you see yourself having a family? TEEN AVERY No, not really. I don't really see myself as a mom. AVERY And I didn't, all the way through my twenties. I kept waiting for the instinct to kick in, uh, and it just didn't. AVERY Until now. AVERY I started to talk... to the baby that wasn't a baby. MAX AVERY I called her Charlie. I had a feeling it was a girl, and if it was, I was gonna name her Charlotte. Charlie for short. AVERY And I would lay awake, and I would... I would talk to her. AVERY "So, Charlie, how do you think I'm gonna get through medical school?" AVERY "You want to live in a house with a yard or... or are you a city kind of kid?" AVERY AVERY I'm just sad. AVERY I'm really sad. MAX MAX To Charlie. TRISTAN To Charlie. AVERY AVERY To Charlie. MAX AVERY TRISTAN This is, uh, dangerously close to what got us here in the first place. AVERY MAX CAPTAIN MASSEY Uh. Hey, guys. I'm sorry to interrupt, well, whatever this is, but, um, I need a consultation. MAX What's going on? CAPTAIN MASSEY Well, the-the itching is worse, and... and I think it's spreading. MAX Let me see it. CAPTAIN MASSEY Well, I had to take my watch off because it was irritating me. MAX Captain, I think you got shingles. CAPTAIN MASSEY Oh. Who knew saltwater would be therapeutic for shingles. MAX That's what we do here on The Odyssey. We take care of all your hot tub needs, medicinal, recreational. CAPTAIN MASSEY How long before these antivirals kick in? MAX Well, we caught it pretty early, so... you should feel relief in the next couple of days. Particularly if you follow all the protocols I gave you. CAPTAIN MASSEY Really? We gonna talk about the soap again? MAX It's body wash, actually, and yes, the one that I gave you-- CAPTAIN MASSEY Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know the fancy hyaluronic, bamboo exfoliant, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'll use it. Stop talking about it. CAPTAIN MASSEY When I interrupted you before, I kind of got the feeling there's something going on with Avery, and as her self-appointed slightly older uncle figure, I just want to know, is she gonna be okay? MAX Yeah, she will be. CAPTAIN MASSEY Good. CAPTAIN MASSEY The three of you take care of each other. I like seeing that. MAX How about you, Captain? Are you doing okay? CAPTAIN MASSEY No, I itch, I ache, and now I'm being pickled in a saltwater bath. CAPTAIN MASSEY Sounds far from heavenly. MAX You know, shingles are the reactivation of a dormant virus, often brought on by stress, either emotional, physical... So, as your self-appointed, slightly younger friend and doctor, anything you want to get off your chest? CAPTAIN MASSEY I'm about to become a dad again. At an age when most men are becoming grandpas. MAX You seemed pretty excited by that fetal heartbeat. CAPTAIN MASSEY Oh, yeah. I'm... I'm excited. I'm over the moon. But I'm also anxious. CAPTAIN MASSEY I'm really anxious. I haven't felt this way since the first day I met my wife, in a hot tub, actually. MAX Well, Captain, in my professional opinion, you're a good man. The way you take care of this ship, her crew... I, for one, think that's gonna be one lucky baby. CAPTAIN MASSEY Thanks. OLIVIA Excuse me, Doctor. Sorry, I don't know your name. MAX How you doing? You get a good night's sleep last night? OLIVIA No, a-a-and I tried all the relaxation techniques that you told me about, but now I just have a really terrible headache. MAX All right. I'll get you some ibuprofen. OLIVIA Well, I took the max dose, but it will not go away. MAX Hmm. When are they picking the new flyer? OLIVIA Um... CAPTAIN MASSEY Tomorrow. CAPTAIN MASSEY That's what I heard. CAPTAIN MASSEY Word gets around. MAX I think, maybe this headache is being caused by anxiety and exhaustion, so come on down to the infirmary with me. I'll get you some melatonin. CAPTAIN MASSEY Oh. Don't bother me. I can pickle myself. MAX OLIVIA Thank you, Doctor. I mean, I just keep going over the routines in my head, and Hailey is sleeping, like, snoring and... and I just don't understand how she does it. Because, like, I'm tucking my knees when... KATHERINE You look like a man that's pondering some of life's big questions. KATHERINE I hate to interrupt. YOUNG CAPTAIN MASSEY Please do. KATHERINE I'm Katherine. YOUNG CAPTAIN MASSEY Robert. KATHERINE That's a very formal name. Can I call you Bobby? YOUNG CAPTAIN MASSEY Mmm. You'd be the first. I'm generally known as Robert. Or Bob to my close friends. KATHERINE Uh-huh. It'll be just me then. Nice to meet you, Bobby. YOUNG CAPTAIN MASSEY Nice to meet you too. YOUNG CAPTAIN MASSEY Can I call you Katie? KATHERINE Absolutely not. YOUNG CAPTAIN MASSEY KATHERINE KATHERINE You shouldn't lie to doctors, Bobby. You told that nice man that you loved me at first sight. YOUNG CAPTAIN MASSEY That's not exactly what I said. KATHERINE KATHERINE If you were being fully honest, you would have told him that at first you found me to be a bit pushy and much too chatty. YOUNG CAPTAIN MASSEY That is accurate, but it's not the whole truth. I always knew you were the one for me. KATHERINE KATHERINE KATHERINE You're romanticizing the past, Bobby. YOUNG CAPTAIN MASSEY You're easy to be romantic about, Katherine. KATHERINE I'm wondering why you're thinking about our beginning when you're right in the midst of a beginning with Heather and the baby. YOUNG CAPTAIN MASSEY I've been thinking about our firsts lately. CAPTAIN MASSEY First date. First house. First steps. KATHERINE Moving forward isn't you letting go of the past. CAPTAIN MASSEY I missed so much. KATHERINE You'll do it differently this time. CAPTAIN MASSEY Yeah, but that's... It's kind of unfair, isn't it? I mean, shouldn't you and our kids have the best version of me? KATHERINE Hmm. KATHERINE You did the best that you could. KATHERINE I loved our life together. KATHERINE I loved every moment of it. CAPTAIN MASSEY KATHERINE I loved a solid 70% of it. I did. CAPTAIN MASSEY CAPTAIN MASSEY Yeah, not bad for 32 years. KATHERINE Not bad at all. KATHERINE You can love two people at the same time, Bobby. KATHERINE A life with someone else isn't a betrayal of ours. KATHERINE But... Can she not call you Bobby? That was ours. CAPTAIN MASSEY Yes, it was. And is. KATHERINE Mm-hmm. CAPTAIN MASSEY Thank you, Katherine. CAPTAIN MASSEY PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY Audio Recordings All Recordings Fetal Heartbeat WALLA AVERY Good morning, Cap. CAPTAIN MASSEY Hey, good morning, Avery. AVERY I have calamine lotion for your shingles. CAPTAIN MASSEY Oh. Thank you. AVERY And, uh, Max wanted me to give you this. CAPTAIN MASSEY Oh, God. Another soap? AVERY Yeah, this one has, uh, colloidal oatmeal, which he insists is very soothing. CAPTAIN MASSEY Very soothing. AVERY How are you feeling? CAPTAIN MASSEY Better. CAPTAIN MASSEY The saltwater soak was... unexpectedly helpful. AVERY Uh... Um... Listen, Cap, w-when we get to port, I'm gonna need to spend a little bit more time off ship. Uh, I have a-a small medical thing that I need to take care of. CAPTAIN MASSEY You take as much time as you need. CAPTAIN MASSEY Um... CAPTAIN MASSEY Are you okay? AVERY Uh... Yeah. CAPTAIN MASSEY Sit down. AVERY Yeah, I'm fine. CAPTAIN MASSEY You know, you don't ever have to tell me anything. But I want you to know that you always can. We're family. AVERY I'm sorry. I'm, uh... I'm... I'm okay. Really, I am. I, um... AVERY I thought I was pregnant and that I was gonna be a mom. And, uh... I'm not. It was... It was just a... like, a cyst. CAPTAIN MASSEY Oh. CAPTAIN MASSEY Avery, I'm so sorry for your loss. That is such a disappointment. CAPTAIN MASSEY Oh, my God, and I'm running around here playing my baby's heartbeats and sharing all my baby angst. I'm so sorry. AVERY No, no, no. It's okay. Really, Cap. I'm so, so happy for you. AVERY It's amazing. CAPTAIN MASSEY You know, Avery, a whole lot of years ago I was about to go on my first romantic cruise with my girlfriend. I wasn't yet in the cruise ship business, but I was interested, and I thought, well, this would be a good idea, a good trial run, maybe even a good place to propose. CAPTAIN MASSEY Well, the night before we were supposed to leave, she told me she wasn't going, that she was... in love with someone else. CAPTAIN MASSEY I'd already bought the tickets, and I still didn't know how I felt about the cruise ship business, so I... I just went by myself. AVERY It must have been terrible. CAPTAIN MASSEY At first it was not so great, but it wasn't terrible either. CAPTAIN MASSEY One night I was sitting in the hot tub and I... just pondering the future and seeing what lies ahead for me, and... CAPTAIN MASSEY This lady out of nowhere shows up, and she joins me in the hot tub and we start talking and... And I knew that by the time we stepped out of that hot tub, that... I wanted to talk to this woman for the rest of my life. CAPTAIN MASSEY And if I ever lost her, well, that would be... devastating. CAPTAIN MASSEY My dear Avery, loss is a... a long and painful and lonely journey. CAPTAIN MASSEY But it has this amazing ability to also galvanize you into the present and make you see more and feel more. CAPTAIN MASSEY And love more. AVERY Thanks, Cap. AVERY CAPTAIN MASSEY If you want, I-I can go along with you today, if you want company, and I can regale you with some long boring stories about days gone by. AVERY No, no. No. I-I, uh... I really appreciate the offer, truly, uh, but, uh... I'm covered. AVERY CAPTAIN MASSEY MAX Olivia. Hi. How'd you sleep last night? OLIVIA Still not that great. MAX Really? Even with the melatonin? OLIVIA It didn't help. Neither did the tea that Hailey made me. MAX Well, what tea did you make? HAILEY Uh, chamomile with extra honey. OLIVIA It was still a bit bitter though. OLIVIA Anyway, we got to go because they're announcing the new flyer today. MAX You know what? Can you go ahead? I have to ask Hailey a couple of questions. OLIVIA Sure. MAX How are you sleeping? Because I know sometimes people who take stimulants for ADHD, it can be a problem for them. HAILEY Well, after practice, I'm so tired I'm out as soon as my head hits the pillow. MAX Hmm. And yet she's having trouble sleeping. MAX Maybe she's just more anxious than you are. Or maybe you've been secretly dosing her with your ADHD meds ever since Brandi got hurt, so you could become top flyer. HAILEY How'd you know? MAX Chamomile tea isn't bitter, but ADHD meds are. MAX Look, I know this is really important to you, becoming the head cheer lady. HAILEY It's top girl. MAX Sorry. Top girl. MAX And that is a very big moment. And those big moments, you want to share them with your friends. 'Cause friends make the good moments better and the bad moments not suck quite so bad. But getting your big moment by sabotaging one of your friends is... HAILEY I'm not an awful person. I swear. I just... I've been doing this since I was five years old, and I've never been top girl. HAILEY Listen to me. I am an awful person. I... HAILEY I'm so sorry. HAILEY I have to tell her, don't I? MAX Yeah. MAX I expect you will. Because you're not an awful person. OBSTETRIC SURGEON We'll make several very small incisions in your abdomen to make room for the laparoscope and the surgical instruments. You'll be asleep for the whole time. MAX How long do you expect the procedure will take? OBSTETRIC SURGEON An hour tops. TRISTAN Well, we'll be here when you wake up then. OBSTETRIC SURGEON Do you have any other questions, Ms. Morgan? AVERY Actually, I have one request. OBSTETRIC SURGEON This is purely a professional courtesy. TRISTAN Well, thank you, Doctor. MAX No one will ever know we were here. OBSTETRIC SURGEON Just count backwards from 100. AVERY 100, 99, 98, 97, 96... WALLA MAX You know, this does feel a little wrong. Us in here, you up there. AVERY My below-the-knee area is very comfortable, and in 14 to 21 days, me and my Twinkie will be back to full submersion. TRISTAN And you're feeling okay? AVERY Totally fine. Just like the 14 other times that you guys asked that, which I appreciate. WALLA WALLA Let's go, Odyssey! CHEERLEADER 1 Let's go, Odyssey! Ready? Okay! WALLA From the east to the west Odyssey is the best! Of the best MAX Hey. TRISTAN Bravo! Bravo! BRANDI Thank you, team Odyssey, for saving my life. MAX Just doing our jobs. MAX Hey, girls. How are you feeling today? OLIVIA Much better, thanks to you. HAILEY We're both doing much better. MAX That's great to hear. MAX Hey, I should know this already, but which one of you won the top flyer thing? OLIVIA Emily. HAILEY She deserved it. TRISTAN Well, that was straight fire, as the kids say. OLIVIA Thanks. TRISTAN What? MAX AVERY That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. MAX You know, I do wish that I knew you guys when I was-- AVERY Young-- MAX ...er. TRISTAN Yeah, me too. Although, I maintain, I am still incredibly youthful. MAX Well, obviously, Mr. Straight Fire. TRISTAN Ugh. AVERY AVERY To good friends. MAX To good friends. TRISTAN To good friends. AVERY And to whatever comes next for all of us. AVERY Whoo! TRISTAN Mmm. I mean, that's just good stuff. AVERY I just can't get enough. TRISTAN It's good bad stuff, you know. AVERY Really good bad stuff. MAX AVERY LAST FRAME OF PICTURE