ANNOUNCER AUTOMATED_VOICE AVERY BENNET CAPTAIN_MASSEY COREY DEYJA ELLEN ERIC FIRST_OFFICER_MUNROE LISA MAX NEWSCASTER ROSIE TRISTAN NEWSCASTER A hospital in New Haven reporting Connecticut's first ever case of the novel coronavirus. MAX Against all odds, I lived. And because I lived, I decided that I was gonna pursue joy at all costs. TRISTAN Guys, I have an unresponsive patient! MAX What's going on? TRISTAN Bad call, man. You're her superior. You understand? That's like a fireable offense. MAX If you wanted talk about what happened� AVERY Um. I mean... I don't have to talk about what happened. Do you wanna talk about what happened? No... If you don't... MAX Oh. No. No, no, no, no. I'm good. If you're good, I'm good. AVERY We're great. MAX Okay. We're good. AVERY Yeah. It's good. MAX Yeah, good. LISA As I made crystal clear in my email, Corey, I wanted fresh peonies placed in every room two hours before arrival. And seeing as this boat is a buyout for my wedding, I was shocked when we arrived, and I saw windows open. LISA Tell me, Corey... Tell me, Corey, how is the smell of fresh peonies supposed to suffuse the air if the windows are open? COREY I'm so sorry. Our guests usually like the fresh air. I'll see what I can do. LISA Thank you. ELLEN Wow. ELLEN Hello. Oh, wow. Come lay out with your mama. Take a load off. LISA Baby oil? ELLEN Uh-huh. LISA What, so I can look like an old leather tanning boot before I'm 30? Pass. LISA You really should try a self-tanner, I've been telling you. ELLEN I don't spray, I lay. Thirty years of cruising, Mama knows how to get a tan LISA I'm getting married! ANNOUNCER All right. Give it up for the best man. Bennet. BENNET Hey, everyone. So, this dude, Eric, has been my best friend since seventh grade. And he is very nervous that I'm gonna say something embarrassing, like, uh, how many girls he slept with at Sig Alph, but I'm not gonna do that 'cause it was way too many to count. Way too many. But seriously... Sorry. Uh... LISA Make him shut up. BENNET In all seriousness... He's like a brother to me, you know? He, uh... Well, I had a... a stutter when we first met at school. He helped me through it. He made sure the other kids didn't make fun of me. ERIC He's just messing around. LISA Eric, it's embarrassing. ERIC It's not... It's not true. Come on. LISA It's not funny either. ERIC Hey, come on. It's fine. LISA Where's Mom? This is the welcome dinner. She-she's just missing it? BENNET And uh... And he bought me a house. Like, I don't have great credit in case anyone wonders, but, uh, he... he cosigned my loan for me, which is, like, a really big deal. He's just the best and, uh... ...but we're best friends in spite of that. MAX Are you crying, Cap? CAPTAIN MASSEY No. Maybe. So what if I am? I'm a sucker for love. AVERY These antiquated mating rituals are not about love anymore. They're about money and Instagram likes and making your single friends jealous. Look at them all, they're miserable, especially the bride and groom. MAX I don't know. I always thought my wedding day� Well, never mind. AVERY Say it. MAX No, no. You've made yourself abundantly clear. You're just gonna make fun of me. MAX Okay, fine. I always thought my wedding day would be the proudest day of my life. AVERY Didn't the president give you an award for saving infants with club feet? MAX Cleft palates. And it was the UN Secretary-General. AVERY Oh. TRISTAN I'd like to get married one day. Have a big family. Six little Tristans running around. Can you picture it? CAPTAIN MASSEY That's an admirable goal. TRISTAN Huh. CAPTAIN MASSEY The world needs more love. Lots of love. All different kinds of love. I'm for it. What's so wrong about celebrating it? BENNET But I love you, Eric. I really do. And I'm not going anywhere. BENNET Cheers, everyone. Yeah. Cheers! LISA Where is Mom? This is insane. ERIC I don't know. Just try to enjoy yourself, all right? MAX It's an extreme sunburn, second-degree burns, blistering on both of her limbs. AVERY Sleepy Sun Syndrome. We've seen it a thousand times. MAX But never like this. TRISTAN Oh, sweet mother of-- ELLEN The bride. Mother of the bride! ELLEN The ceremony is in... in three days. You have to help me. MAX Deep breaths, Ellen. MAX Let's give her 4 of morphine, a tetanus shot, and hang some lactated Ringer's. ELLEN It just doesn't make sense. I never burn. I live in South Florida. I know how to lay out. MAX Are you on any new medications? Or maybe a new skincare routine? ELLEN I-I-I don't know. I started, um, some antibiotic crap a couple of weeks ago. AVERY Doxycycline? ELLEN Doxy� What? I-I'm not a scientist. It's for my rosacea. I didn't want to look red in the pictures. Well� MAX Tetracycline antibiotics can cause severe photosensitivity. It's like developing an allergy to the sun. ELLEN Oh, Jesus wept. Just stick me with an EpiPen. I have to look good for this wedding. MAX Yes, ma'am. We're gonna give you something for the pain, something to reduce the inflammation. MAX And these blisters are going to rupture and peel. ELLEN W-Watch it! ELLEN Oh, well, this is gonna ruin everything. MAX Mrs. Parsons, I don't want you to worry. We here at The Odyssey are experts in sunburn care. And I'd bet that somewhere under that redness there is a beautiful, golden, Riviera tan just waiting to be set free. ELLEN Oh, Lord. I hope so 'cause that girl's gonna cook my goose if I show up looking like this. DEYJA Please don't come in. BENNET No. Don't listen to her, please. Just come in. Thank you. Come on in. BENNET I'm trying... Oh, my God. MAX Hi. DEYJA Oh, my God. Please don't look. MAX You're okay. You're okay. Everything's fine, just talk to me. What's going on? DEYJA His thing is stuck and won't come out. It's, like, in it and we've been like this for a while. BENNET She won't let me out, right, so... It closed like a bear trap on me, and it... and it's... AVERY Okay. Deep breaths, both of you. What you are experiencing is a condition called Penis Captivus. BENNET What? Penis what? AVERY Captivus. It's a stress response. The vaginal muscle spasms and firmly closes. If the penis remains engorged, it can exacerbate the situation. MAX Just give us one sec. BENNET / DEYJA MAX Um, so, we need to get her to relax, but the more she tries, the worse this is gonna get. We gotta get her to focus on something else. TRISTAN Having an audience isn't helping. I have an idea. There should be an endoscopic balloon dilator in the triage bag. AVERY That's a great idea. MAX Manual separation, very good. TRISTAN Maybe you can cue up one of those famous, long-winded Max Bankman stories, just for good measure. AVERY Deyja? DEYJA Yes? AVERY This device is called a balloon catheter. I want you to gently insert this end as best as you can, okay? DEYJA Oh, my God. AVERY And I am going to slowly inflate the balloon and try to coax the vaginal walls to open. DEYJA Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing. This is probably the stupidest thing you've ever seen in your whole life, huh? MAX Nothing to be embarrassed about. Let me tell you about something embarrassing. So, when I was a kid I loved to play to ding-dong ditch. You know that game where you press the doorbell and you run away? BENNET Holy... BENNET Yeah, sure. DEYJA Uh-huh. MAX Okay, so this one time, I'm nine years old. Pushed the doorbell, I'm running away. Just about to turn the corner and I see these two cops. Their shadows there on the pavement. Big dudes, flattops, the whole nine yards. And I'm terrified. MAX My heart is in my throat. And I just know, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. My life is over. These guys are gonna bust me." So I'm looking around, "Where am I gonna go?" And I see the alley. And I think, "This is it. This is my chance to escape." MAX So I screw up all of my courage, I take one step and boom! All the lights come on. Klieg lights everywhere. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. And I turn around knowing I'm busted and� DEYJA What? BENNET What happened? MAX No cops. Just two brooms laying up against the fence. There was nobody even in the house. There wasn't even anybody home. BENNET Two brooms? DEYJA Oh! Oh. Oh, my God. BENNET Oh. Oh, my Go... Hey. There it is. Thanks. DEYJA Oh, my gosh. Thank you. MAX It's out. It is out. BENNET Oh, hey, but� Can I get, like, your Instagram handle just so we can� DEYJA Really? Yeah. BENNET Yeah. BENNET Oh, uh, thanks, Doc. MAX Hey, Bennet, uh, can I see you down in the infirmary? Just for a quick follow-up. BENNET Yeah. Sure, man. Thanks. TRISTAN Okay, what is going on? You look properly bugged out and that looks like garden-variety eczema. MAX It's not. MAX Bennet, are you familiar with Trichophyton mentagrophytes type seven? BENNET No. MAX More commonly known as ringworm. It's usually a garden-variety fungal infection, nothing to be worried about, but there is a rare strain spread through skin-to-skin contact that I saw while I was in Africa. And if it's left untreated it can have some pretty serious symptoms, including blindness. AVERY The good news is, because we caught it early, cultured it to be exactly sure, yours will not be left untreated. There is a drug. MAX The bad news is, we don't have it on hand, but we can get it at the next port. In the meantime, I'm gonna give you some clotrimazole cream that will bring down the itchiness and redness. BENNET Okay. TRISTAN And, uh, mate, no more pulling tail. BENNET That's what weddings are for. Thank you. TRISTAN Mmm. MAX No. No. No. This... This strain is highly, highly contagious. Anyone that you've had sexual contact with is gonna need to be alerted, including Deyja. AVERY We can do it on your behalf if you'd prefer. BENNET I'm fine. I, uh... I'm not a complete jackass. I'll handle it. Thank you. MAX Look at all these happy wedding guests. AVERY Marriage causes nothing but agony. I stand by it. MAX Come on, you have never wanted to fall in love? AVERY I thought about it once. MAX And? What changed your mind? AVERY I went through with it. MAX You� Wait, hold on. You? You were married? AVERY Yes. Yes. For the briefest of moments. This does not leave this circle. MAX Of course. Your secret's safe with me. So long as you tell me all the scintillating details. AVERY Scintillating, it was not. It was a depressingly short story. MAX Even better. I'm a very busy doctor, as you can see. AVERY I had known Kevin since kindergarten, and he was funny and charming, easy. And after graduation, we fell into a routine, hanging with the same crew from high school, weekends drinking beers in Tessa Matsumoto's garage. And I thought, "Okay, we'll just keep doing this forever. Cool. Get married? Why the heck not?" MAX But? AVERY But on our honeymoon, his phone kept blowing up. He was in the shower, and with one little peek, everything I thought I knew about this person went up in smoke. MAX No. MAX Wait. Not-- AVERY Tessa Matsumoto. Yeah. The one and only. MAX Aw, man, that sucks. I'm so sorry. AVERY Oh, don't be. I'm very over it. It led me to reevaluate my life and it inspired me to make a bucket list, and the first thing on it was to see the world and that's why I took this job. MAX What else is on that bucket list? AVERY Mmm, I'll never tell. MAX Oh, come on. MAX Well, I for one am glad you're here. And to hell with Kevin and Tessa Matsumoto. AVERY They just had triplets. MAX Oof. Karma is the best. MAX Does it ever abate, even for a second? AVERY Nope. Let's go. LISA Get out. You're not supposed to see me like this! ERIC Just relax, all right? LISA Get out! ERIC Just promise you'll take care of her, yeah? ELLEN Oh, good, you're here. She's She's having some kind of episode. Jitters, maybe? AVERY This is to monitor your vitals. LISA It's not jitters, Mama. ELLEN Oh, come on, baby girl, get it all out. MAX All right. Let me take a look. MAX Fever. Diaphoretic. Jaundice of the eyes. MAX You mind leaning back for me? MAX Looks like pancreatitis. ELLEN Oh. Oh. MAX Are you on any medications? ELLEN Oh, dear God. LISA Uh, you don't understand, my dress, it's, um� it's a vintage Vera Wang, it's a size two. ELLEN She's been taking that Oz-lympic or whatever it's called. The... You know, the s-skinny girl drug. I told her back in my day, the way we fit into our dresses was the old-fashioned way. Laxatives, prunes and prayers. LISA This dress, it's just, um� it's a one of a kind and it can't be altered, and it still won't zip. So last week, I doubled the dose, just to get the last few pounds off. AVERY Doubled? MAX Lisa, I need you to come with me right now. Are you okay to walk or would you prefer a wheelchair? ELLEN Where are you taking her? MAX Your daughter needs IV fluids, antibiotics and possibly a CT scan. LISA Whoa. Fluids? Yeah. No, no, no, I'll bloat, I can't do that. ELLEN But the rehearsal is tomorrow morning. MAX Ma'am, your daughter is at serious risk of liver failure. So, unless you want this wedding to turn into a funeral, I need to admit her until I see a marked improvement in her health. ELLEN How tall are you? ELLEN A-Are we ready? ELLEN Cue music! COREY Sorry. ELLEN Okay. And we're moving. We're moving. Oh, come on. And we're walking. Let's go. Let's go. Okay. Good. Good. Good. ELLEN Oh, you two look great. Okay. Do you know what to do over here? ELLEN Where's my chair? ELLEN H-Housekeeping. COREY Sorry, Mrs. Parsons. So, if you go there... Excuse me. ELLEN Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. All right. ELLEN Keep space between you. Now, keep going. This is it. COREY Fantastic, guys. Keep going, guys. This is great. ELLEN That's the way I want it. COREY Wow. She makes such a beautiful bride. Don't you think? ELLEN Oh, my God. That's not the bride! This is a rehearsal. COREY Sorry. Your daughter is much more beautiful. Right. ELLEN The bride and groom need to know their marks because she's, uh, recuperating and I couldn't... I couldn't let the... the groom walk down here with some stranger, 'cause it's bad luck. So, we will play the video back, so they'll see where they're supposed to go. MAX Honey. AVERY Hi. ELLEN Everybody. CAPTAIN MASSEY Okay. Vows. Yada yada yada. Uh, as long as you both shall live. Uh, in sickness and in health-- AVERY Mmm. AVERY Oh, absolutely not. One sniffle and I'm running away with Felipe. MAX The pool boy? How dare you? CAPTAIN MASSEY And by the powers vested in me by Poseidon and Davy Jones, you may kiss the bride. TRISTAN I object! Sorry, I've always wanted to do that for the drama. ELLEN Oh, please. TRISTAN Hey. Come on. Whoo! ELLEN Yeah, well, this is... this is over for the rehearsal. The w... The wedding hasn't even started. Don't you know this is just a fake wedding? You people are so stupid. MAX Excuse me. Excuse me. ERIC Hey, Doc. Um, you think, uh� Care to have a word? MAX Of course. ERIC Thanks. ERIC It started to show up a few days ago. You seen it before, Doc? MAX Yeah. Actually, I have seen that before. ERIC Oh, God. Oh, I don't know what I'm gonna do, man. Lisa hasn't wanted to mess around because of the... the, you know, all of the... all the wedding stuff. But, uh, with the honeymoon coming up, man, she's gonna find out everything. And I-I just don't know what to do. MAX Hey. Eric, slow down. What's everything? Let me get to know you a little bit, okay? ERIC I don't... MAX You said on your intake form that you had one partner in the last 30 days. You've been tested for STIs. ERIC No, stop. Stop. ERIC I come in here and you... you... you ask me to... to fill out a-a chart on your iPad, and how many drinks I have, and how many sexual partners, and you think that you would know me from that? I mean, it's all a lie, man. All of this is a lie. My whole life is a lie. MAX Eric, I got into this line of work so I could help people with problems, not to judge them for it. But I can only help you if you'll tell me the truth. ERIC I'm not a good person, man. I'm really not. MAX How many partners have you had in the last 30 days? ERIC A lot. There's something inside me, man. I mean, this� this... this darkness. MAX Eric-- ERIC Eric? I mean, Eric. He's just� He's gone, man. He's totally gone. MAX Eric, what you're describing is addiction, sex addiction, which is a disease and it's very real. And the good news is because it's a disease, it's treatable. There are solutions. And what you're doing right... what you're doing right now, talking about it, is by far the hardest part. ERIC No. No. No, man. No. ERIC No, I-I saw you guys out there. You and her. I mean, what you guys have is real. Anybody can see that. But me and Lisa, it's just all a... a facade, man. It's all a game. Just this whole thing, everything is not real. It's all a game. It's all fake. ERIC I� I gotta go. Doc, please. I gotta go. I feel trapped. I don't wanna... I don't wanna die here, man. MAX No. Come here. You're having a panic attack and I'd like to give you something for the anxiety, okay? You're not gonna die. Hey, I wanna give you something for the anxiety, but I need your consent. Is that okay with you? ERIC All right. Oh, God. Okay. Okay MAX Yes? Okay. I'd like to give you some lorazepam. Just take a seat. First thing I want you to do is just breathe. Just see if you can breathe. Come right here. Just listen to my voice. And try to breathe. Try to breathe. Now, lean back. MAX Eric, I have seen bad things. Real bad things. And this is not one of them. ERIC Yeah? Okay. Okay. MAX Nobody bleeds, nobody dies. You're gonna be okay. Nobody dies. It's all good. ERIC Nobody dies. Nobody dies. Nobody dies. Nobody dies. Nobody dies. MAX Okay, let's start with what we know. First, the best man presents with symptoms of ringworm. TRISTAN Which is spread by close, sustained skin-to-skin contact. AVERY Which he probably gave to every bridesmaid and sexual partner he's had in the past two to three weeks. MAX And then the groom presents with the same symptoms. TRISTAN So he's sleeping with his best man. AVERY Or he's sleeping with someone who slept with the best man. MAX Or they both independently contracted the same very rare strain of ringworm. MAX Right. In this case, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it's probably-- TRISTAN A duck having a gay affair with his best man. AVERY We need to disclose to the bride, immediately. MAX We can't do that. HIPAA protects his right to privacy. We have to give him the option to disclose. AVERY He's not in any condition to. MAX Not tonight, but he will be. So for now, we say nothing. We don't tell anything to anyone. Then tomorrow morning, I'll have a talk with him, and I'll remind him of his responsibilities. AVERY If he refuses? MAX Then I'll tell her myself. Before the wedding. TRISTAN Tristan. Okay. Thank you. AVERY Okay. That's fair. That's responsible. TRISTAN It appears that fate has made this particular decision for us. LISA I can't believe this is happening. The wedding is in 18 hours and this thing just appeared. ELLEN W-W-We think it's probably just stress, you know, nerves and things, right? LISA It's not that bad, right? MAX I think that might be a fungal rash. We... LISA No! Mom! ELLEN Hush. MAX I need to do some more investigation, but in the meantime, we can put a cream on to bring down the inflammation. LISA Yes. Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's good. Slather it on me. I need this thing gone. Gone. I also have it on my back and my inner thigh. ELLEN Good Lord. LISA Thank you. AVERY Mmm. LISA Okay. AVERY You know, if you're having reservations, it's not too late. LISA What are you talking about? AVERY Well, reactions this intense the night before a wedding, it might be a sign that perhaps this isn't what you want. AVERY I was married once. And walking down the aisle, I had this gut feeling, and I ignored it. And it turns out that my... my body knew something that my mind didn't. And I wish that I had listened. LISA Mmm. It hurts, doesn't it? AVERY The lotion? Yeah, it can sting a little. LISA No. No, I mean it must really hurt watching another woman succeed where you failed. Anyway, um, I can handle this. I got this from here. I know you guys have a lot going on, and I don't wanna keep you, so have a good night. AVERY You know what? You're right. You and Eric are a perfect match. Good luck tomorrow. ELLEN Aw, that is so sweet, Lisa. ELLEN Thank y'all for taking such good care of my baby girl. ELLEN Oh, and look. My Riviera tan, Doc. LISA AUTOMATED VOICE Code Alpha. Code Alpha. All crews to alpha stations. Guests, please return to your cabins. Code Alpha. Code Alpha. All crews to alpha stations. Guests, please return to your cabins. FIRST OFFICER MUNROE He left this, sir. CAPTAIN MASSEY All right, can somebody tell me how a $150,000 "man overboard detection system" does not detect a man going overboard? FIRST OFFICER MUNROE Unfortunately, sir, it's not a foolproof system. It relies on camera feed to detect motion. Our working theory is that his black tuxedo at night didn't register as movement. CAPTAIN MASSEY Well, that's a damn failed system, isn't it? FIRST OFFICER MUNROE Yes, sir. CAPTAIN MASSEY How long ago did he jump? FIRST OFFICER MUNROE Eight hours, 26 minutes, sir. CAPTAIN MASSEY Rosie. At full throttle, how quickly can you get us back in that vicinity? ROSIE I can shave off a few hours, but, sir, we were cruising at 24 knots last night. He jumped from a height of 97 feet. At that velocity, the water might as well be concrete. CAPTAIN MASSEY It is our policy on The Odyssey to give our guests the absolute best. And in difficult situations, the best I can offer you is honesty. Last night, Eric Colby went overboard from the upper leisure deck. BENNET What? CAPTAIN MASSEY We were unaware of this incident until this morning. BENNET Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So, send someone out there, man. You go� go get him. Right? Do you have someone out there go-going to look for him or-- CAPTAIN MASSEY We've dispatched several rescue boats, and we've sent a distress signal to every floating vessel for a thousand nautical miles. Everything that can be done is being done. I assure you. BENNET Okay, but he can swim, so he's alive. So he's� he's down there He's alive, right? BENNET Oh, God, no. CAPTAIN MASSEY We are always prepared for any eventualities. Now at the request of Eric's family and loved ones, we are returning to our home port� while we allow those vehicles that are best equipped to continue the search and recovery of Eric Colby. CAPTAIN MASSEY Now, I know we're� we're all far from our home cities and civilizations. CAPTAIN MASSEY But here on The Odyssey, you are never alone. CAPTAIN MASSEY We are one ship. The medical team is standing by to offer you counseling. I encourage you, lean on them. Lean on me. Lean on each other. LISA I think I was, like, eight or nine, and it was the night before Easter. I snuck down to my playroom because I heard voices. I thought it was the Easter bunny. It wasn't. It was Dad and his publicist. On the daybed. LISA Naked. LISA The next morning, Mama was hosting this big thing with everyone from church and the club. And she had these white calla lilies everywhere and it was perfect. LISA I told her what I saw, and� her smile did not falter for a second. She knew. She just said, "Baby girl, sometimes you gotta make things better to make things better." MAX So you were aware that Eric was being unfaithful? LISA Mmm. LISA I just didn't know how to fix my relationship. LISA I thought that if I could make things perfect, for a day, just a day� then maybe things would just fall into place. Maybe it would� Maybe it would be perfect. AVERY And Bennet? LISA You know about that? AVERY He and Eric were intimate? Eric was bi? LISA What? No. No. LISA Eric wasn't sleeping with Bennet. LISA I was. LISA We all went to Duke together, and I-I liked Bennet. He was... He was funny. Charming. But Eric� LISA Eric was� Eric was marriage material. LISA But I knew, you know? I knew that he� LISA He really struggled. He really suffered with mental health. But I just pushed right on through because� LISA because I wanted to get married. LISA I wanted the dream. LISA This is all my fault, isn't it? MAX No. MAX We all go through relationship troubles, one way or the other. But in the case of suicide, there are just so many other variables. Preexisting emotional trauma. There are genetic factors at play. LISA No. Genetic? That's the answer? Genetic? No. No. I don't understand. I need to understand. LISA Hi, Mom. ELLEN Baby girl. I've been in the bridge all morning, waiting for news. ELLEN Call came in from the Mexican coast guard. Body washed up somewhere south of Acapulco. LISA No. ELLEN They think it's him. ELLEN I want you to go up to my room and get under the covers. LISA Okay. ELLEN I just have two quick words for these doctors. LISA Okay. ELLEN I'm sorry. ELLEN I know I've been an evil sea witch all week. And y'all didn't deserve that. ELLEN I just love that girl so much. ELLEN He was a troubled boy. I knew that. I� I was concerned about that, but Lisa wanted this wedding here on this ship, so I� I just pretended my fears away. That was wrong. ELLEN I should've done something. I should've... I should've s-stepped in and said, "Something is wrong here, and we need to discuss it, deal with it." We needed to help this boy! ELLEN But I didn't, and... and now it's too late and I'll never forgive myself. ELLEN Oh. ELLEN Thank you. TRISTAN Good evening. AVERY It's 1:30 in the morning. What do you want? TRISTAN I can't sleep. Fancy a little kitchen raid? AVERY Don't mind if I do. TRISTAN Ah. AVERY Shh. AVERY Uh... Really? TRISTAN What? TRISTAN Uh, she said she was gonna throw it out. I heard her. AVERY Really? So disrespectful. TRISTAN I'm sorry. AVERY Tristan! TRISTAN It's really good. AVERY What if this was your wedding? TRISTAN Well, that would be awful. I mean, even worse if they were to do this� AVERY Uh-huh. AVERY Mm-hmm. MAX What is going on here? TRISTAN She started it. MAX The only excuse for conduct this unprofessional would be if you paired it with a nice bottle of champagne. AVERY Oh. MAX I'm glad I found you both here 'cause you're actually not off the clock yet. I have one more piece of business. If there is any silver lining to be found from this week's tragedies, it's that it gives us a chance to take stock. Of life. Of what's important to us. MAX So, inspired by our very own Avery Morgan, I have an assignment: bucket lists. I want each of you to give me five life goals, and then I wanna make a pact right here, tonight, that we're all gonna help each other achieve them. AVERY Hmm? TRISTAN TRISTAN I'm game. AVERY Okay, me too. MAX Excellent. AVERY TRISTAN Uh. Uh-uh, wait, Dr. Odyssey. I have the perfect place for this. TRISTAN Come. TRISTAN Okay, bucket item list number one� Bucket list item number one. I'm drunk. Wow. Learn how to kitesurf. Number two: break a world record. MAX For kitesurfing? TRISTAN Uh, no, for anything. AVERY You could do "most spoons hung on your face." TRISTAN What? AVERY That's a real one TRISTAN Three: I want a dog. You know, and a house on the beach with enough room for him to run in and where I can surf every day. Four� TRISTAN I wanna fall in love. You know? Like, a forever in love. Yeah, and, uh, get married. AVERY With six little Tristans running around? TRISTAN Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. TRISTAN Well, five. Okay, before the dog, before the marriage, before the kids� Have a three-way. MAX Hmm. AVERY You've never had a three-way? You literally have a girl at every port. TRISTAN They're really difficult to organize. TRISTAN People� People get drunk. They pass out. They get cold feet. I don't know. MAX Tristan. TRISTAN Hmm? MAX Thank you. That was very well-shared. TRISTAN Thanks, Doc. MAX Miss Morgan. AVERY Mmm. MAX Your turn. AVERY Hmm, okay. But I'm cold. Can we walk? MAX Yes, of course TRISTAN Snacks. MAX Snacks. AVERY Well, you already know my first one: to see the world, which I have. MAX Mm-hmm. TRISTAN Yeah. AVERY Second, I wanna be a doctor. MAX Well, you're already on your way to that one. AVERY Thank you both. Seriously. MAX Snacks. AVERY And third: I want to know myself. TRISTAN To know yourself? AVERY Mm-hmm. TRISTAN Mmm. All right, I'll accept that. AVERY Next� TRISTAN Mm-hmm. AVERY And-- Okay. No making fun of me. AVERY I want to perform. MAX Perform? AVERY Yeah. I used to go to theater camp as a kid and do plays and musicals, and it was freeing and fun. And then one day, around puberty, it was suddenly terrifying and not so fun, so I stopped. But I don't know. I think� I think underneath the fear, there's joy. AVERY And I wanna try it again. Be bold. At least once. MAX I like that one. Okay, what's the last one? AVERY Oh, was that not five? TRISTAN Uh... Uh, no. No, it was not. AVERY Oh, um, I guess I'll steal Tristan's. Threesome, baby! TRISTAN Oh, wow! MAX Hey! Whoo! Threesome. TRISTAN Let's go. Uh, I am almost out. MAX Me too. To the Pelican Deck! AVERY Uh... What? This is your room? They gave you a suite? Come on! Is this a sofa? I mean, do you even use this? MAX Of course I do. It's where I sit down to put on my socks. TRISTAN A sofa to put socks on. That is going on my bucket list. Kitesurfing can do one. TRISTAN Ooh. Dr. Odyssey, I believe it is your turn. Go. MAX Right. Yes. Bucket item number one: I wanted to see the world, or at least a new side of it. And here I am. Voil�. And� TRISTAN Ah. AVERY Thank you. MAX Item number two� MAX Most welcome. MAX Hmm. I would like to fall in love and have kids. Teach them to be self-reliant. We're so dependent upon technology and convenience these days. I want to teach them to rely on themselves. TRISTAN Hmm. MAX Don't mind if I do. AVERY That's a good one. TRISTAN All right, two more. MAX I would like for my life to have meaning. MAX It's so quick, you know? It's just like a little pebble dropped into a pond, and then gone forever. But just like a pebble, there are ripples, and I want my ripples to mean something. TRISTAN God, you guys are both so boring� Sorry, grown-up. TRISTAN All right, it's fair. But last one. Please, come up with something fun. MAX I can't think of anything. TRISTAN Uh-uh. AVERY Yes, you can! Oh, come on. You've got one. MAX Okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay. Okay. Okay. MAX I'm sorry! I'll get back. Just let me think about it. I'm sorry. No, no. AVERY Okay. AVERY Oh, you're stalling! TRISTAN This is a safe place. Dr. Odyssey, you... you can tell us if it's a threesome. MAX Actually, that particular box has been checked. TRISTAN What? AVERY Oh. Out with it. Every detail. MAX I'm a little insulted that you're both so surprised. I was kind of a hot ticket in college. TRISTAN Yeah, good one. MAX I mean, I wasn't enough of a hot ticket 'cause ultimately, they were way more interested in each other than they were in me. I was more of an audience member than I was a participant. TRISTAN Ooh, two girls? A girl and a guy? MAX Sadly, the rest of the details will have to remain a mystery. I made a pact. I am sworn to secrecy. And I am very good friends with both of them to this day. TRISTAN Yeah, that tracks. AVERY So the final� the final bucket list item: have a good threesome. MAX Okay, fine. I'll give up learning French for that. Have a good threesome. Hear, hear. TRISTAN Cheers. AVERY Cheers. MAX Cheers. AVERY I mean, I'm game. TRISTAN Yeah. Right, Avery. AVERY What? AVERY It's on all of our� AVERY lists.