DAVID FEMALE_COLLEAGUE_1 FEMALE_COLLEAGUE_2 FEMALE_COLLEAGUE_3 JOANNA LIAM MALE_COLLEAGUE MAN_1 MAN_2 MARIO MAURICE SIRI WILLIAM WOMAN_1 WOMAN_2 WOMAN_3 WILLIAM That's crazy, man. MALE COLLEAGUE There's not going to be any survivor. DAVID Awesome guy, right? MARIO Awesome. Shit, you know what, I'm feeling pretty off. I kind of feel like going home. DAVID What's wrong? MARIO I didn't get much sleep last night. I dunno, I'm just knackered. I'm going home. DAVID What, now? MARIO Yeah, but I'll see you back at the flat. DAVID I'll be back a bit later. MARIO Joanna? FEMALE COLLEAGUE 1 ...why you wouldn't want to come to this? FEMALE COLLEAGUE 2 I'm not camping outside, I'm not kidding. FEMALE COLLEAGUE 3 This is not camping, it's glamping. FEMALE COLLEAGUE 2 That's not me. No, no, no. I'm not coming. FEMALE COLLEAGUE 3 Look at it! FEMALE COLLEAGUE 1 It's so beautiful. I will try! FEMALE COLLEAGUE 2 No, I'm not having this. You're coming with us this weekend. JOANNA Fuck's sake. You're fine. DAVID Yeah? JOANNA Yeah. JOANNA I can't... I can't. JOANNA Stop! JOANNA I was thinking, do you want to come tomorrow night? As like a representative for the target group. DAVID Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to. JOANNA Okay, great. You can bring Mario, if you like. I'd love to meet him. DAVID Yeah, sure. I'll ask him. JOANNA Good. MARIO Yes, Mum. Yes, but what the hell can I... Yes, but I... Yes, you say that every time. No, I know, I know, I know. Mm. No, but what the hell. But I can't just... Yes, but I don't want to do that. No, I won't. Just listen to me, will you? No, I get that. Yes. Yes, but could you... Okay! Yes, I hear you, I hear you! No, that's not how it is. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. No, I'm telling you it isn't. MARIO Yes, but... Okay. Yes, but I'm not going to do that. No, I won't. No. DAVID Everything alright? MARIO What? DAVID Is something wrong? MARIO No, things are just a bit chaotic, that's all. DAVID How come? MARIO My dad, but it's no big deal. DAVID Alright. But, um, come out later, yeah? I made toast, if you want some. MARIO I'll be out later. MARIO Fuck it... MARIO I can't take it any more. DAVID What's going on? MARIO He's been, um... He's been calling me all fucking night, like some fucking lunatic. And he sent like a thousand fucking texts. That don't even make any sense. DAVID What does he want? MARIO He went to Thailand a couple of years ago and started up some type of business there, that went completely bust. Now he's broke. So he wants me to get hold of some cash from Mum. MARIO See, this is what he does. I don't hear a word from him for months, and then he phones out of the blue in the middle of the night, totally wasted, roaring about money and how it's my responsibility to help him. And he writes things like... I mean, just look at this. MARIO So I get upset and call Mum. And then she's furious and gives out to me for even talking to my dad, you know. And I have to listen to all her bullshit about how she thinks he's fucked her life up. I just can't deal with it any more. DAVID But he didn't mean all this. He was drunk. MARIO Who knows. You know, truth is I don't care what he says. I don't give a shit any more. What upsets me is this constant war between them, and the chaos that's been going on my whole life. And I feel so...ugly. Their fighting makes me ugly. And totally...emotionally retarded or something. I mean, I don't even know how to... MARIO I don't know how... DAVID Come on, that's not true. MARIO That's how I feel. MARIO So... How are things with you? DAVID Ah, you know... Alright. MARIO Were you with the MILF? DAVID Yes. MARIO Nice, or what? DAVID It was nice. MARIO Does Siri know? DAVID No. We haven't talked in a while, so... MARIO You made toast? DAVID Yes. Want some? MARIO Mm. MARIO Hey... You know what would be really fun? DAVID No. No. MARIO Grab the duvet, will you? MARIO No, mate, you've got to move it over there. DAVID Put it on the sofa? MARIO Talk about cosiness factor. DAVID ...put it right here. I mean, it's symmetrical and everything. MARIO Pure perfection. MARIO Okay! Off we go, in we go. DAVID Fuck's sake, not in here. Come on... MARIO No! Come back here. DAVID Ew... MARIO No, stay! DAVID Fuck! MARIO It's okay. DAVID Fuck's sake, leave me alone! Damn it... MARIO Sorry, mate. MARIO Very fancy. DAVID Thanks. MARIO You're welcome. Thank you. So where is she? DAVID I don't know. MARIO Text her. DAVID No, I don't want to seem too keen. Let's just hang out for a while. MARIO Alright, alright, alright. DAVID Wait here, I just need to... MARIO Yes. DAVID Hey. SIRI Is there something going on between you and her, or what? DAVID No, why are you stalking people I work with on Insta? SIRI Come on, David, if there is, just tell me, so that I... DAVID No. SIRI Okay, then why would she post that picture of you? DAVID How the hell should I know? She's just some random girl I work with. We took that photo at some after-work thing. SIRI But... DAVID Fuck knows why she posted it now. SIRI So you're not with her now? DAVID No, I'm with Mario. SIRI Okay, just you and him? DAVID Yes, what the hell! Lay off me, will you? SIRI Okay. Right, okay, I was just checking. DAVID Talk soon, okay? SIRI Mm. Bye. DAVID Bye. JOANNA What do you think? DAVID I think it looks good. Yeah. But...I'm not sure about the CF2F-steel beams. JOANNA Mm. You would have gone with the C55? DAVID Yeah. Yeah, I think so. JOANNA You look great. DAVID Well, thanks. So do you. JOANNA So... Off we go. DAVID Yeah. JOANNA Yeah. I thought Mario was coming. DAVID He's here somewhere. JOANNA Well, hello you. WOMAN 1 Congratulations. JOANNA This is David. WOMAN 1 Hi, David. WOMAN 2 If you're happy, we're happy. MAN 1 Yeah. WOMAN 2 That's alright. That's alright. JOANNA Well, hello. How are you? MAN 2 How are you? JOANNA Thank you so much for coming. MAN 2 Thank you. JOANNA Yeah, this is David. WOMAN 3 Hi, Joanna! JOANNA You look phenomenal. You're showing us all up. MAURICE Hey. LIAM Hey, darling. How are you doing? JOANNA Yeah, good. Very good. David, this is... DAVID Hi. JOANNA Liam. The boss man. LIAM David, nice to meet you. JOANNA And the wife. MAURICE Hi. Maurice. LIAM So, David, have you had a chance to look around? DAVID Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks awesome. LIAM Thank you. DAVID I don't know much about architecture, but... Yeah, I like the vibe. It kind of reminds me of the Stark Tower. LIAM That is a refreshing reference. Well done, us! JOANNA You love that, don't you? He loves that. LIAM Thank you! MARIO Hello, everybody. Pardon, pardon my absence. I'm Mario. JOANNA Joanna. Nice to meet you. MARIO Very nice to meet you. JOANNA I've heard a lot about you. MARIO Likewise, likewise. Mario. LIAM Hi. Liam. MARIO Nice to meet you. I'm Mario. MAURICE Maurice. Hi. How are you? MARIO Nice to meet you. LIAM Please, join us. MARIO Thank you. Thank you. I'm David's "sambo"*. DAVID Flatmate. Flatmate. We live together. MARIO We live together, yeah. So, what have, what have, what have we been doing? You're, um... You're the mastermind, the creators of the Spears, right? LIAM The Spear. Just the one erection, that's mine. MARIO The Spear. Right. The Spears, completely different field. JOANNA Very different. MARIO Yeah. Yeah. Could be your next project, though. The Britney Bitch. JOANNA Oh my god, we could have like a giant vulva in the city centre. Never mind your spear, you know like a vulva... MARIO That would be gold, living in a giant pussy. JOANNA Can you imagine if we had... That's when I'll know that I made it, like if we had a giant vagina on the London map, called the Britney Bitch. No? MARIO Sign me up, I'd live there. Hundred per cent. LIAM It's your project. Do it. JOANNA Okay, we've got this. We've got our first one. MARIO Deal. JOANNA Done. MARIO Done. LIAM Good luck. JOANNA You find the money. Done. MARIO So, what's the vibe? What's going on? What happens now? LIAM I think that's pretty much it here. JOANNA Yeah. MARIO I hear you. But the night, it's...it's still young. So if I say after-party our place, you say, "let's order a fucking cab". MAURICE Yes, right. MARIO I mean, we have tonnes of free champagne from your event. LIAM Free champagne that I'm supplying, so I'm now sponsoring the after-party... MARIO I'm happy you offer, that's really nice of you. I'll sponsor with a cab ride. MAURICE Let's order a fucking cab. JOANNA Yes! LIAM No, no, no. MARIO Yes! LIAM No. MARIO Right. Deal? Done deal? LIAM I'll do anything for a cab ride. MARIO Nice! LIAM Go on. JOANNA Okay. LIAM Go on. JOANNA We're doing this. LIAM We're doing that before I change my mind. MARIO Nice! MAURICE Okay. Cab ride and free champagne. MARIO Cheers for free champagne! Cheers. JOANNA Done. Fine. MARIO Nice. LIAM Okay, let's do this. MARIO Shh! MARIO Hello, darling. We'll be grabbing some. And one for the ride. Thank you. MARIO You can hang your coat there. JOANNA This is where you live! Okay! Thank you, Mario. Yeah. MARIO It's actually my, my mother's. JOANNA Mummy's boy, are you? MARIO Yes, I'm a mummy's boy. Who isn't? I mean... MAURICE Straight down? MARIO Yeah, please, go down, check it out. LIAM Mum does the cooking, does she? MARIO Alright, so... Welcome. JOANNA I'm impressed. LIAM What the hell? MAURICE You live in here? LIAM A grotto! MAURICE So what's going on here? MARIO Obviously it's the Britney Bitch, right? That's why you guys are here tonight, we wanted to check it out and get some advice. JOANNA You're pitching! That's good. LIAM Is there a room in the womb? MARIO Let's make Britney glow. JOANNA Make her glow. LIAM Fire Britney up. JOANNA Make Britney glow. MARIO Here we go. JOANNA This is it. DAVID Yeah, this is it. JOANNA I like what you have done with the place. DAVID Thank you. JOANNA Okay... You've gone for the minimalist look. DAVID Yeah. JOANNA Yeah. DAVID Yeah. That's, that's what I went for. JOANNA Yeah. You nailed it. JOANNA But you have invested in a scented candle. DAVID Er, it was actually Mario who bought it for me, so.... JOANNA You didn't even buy it? DAVID No. JOANNA Lavender? DAVID Yeah. JOANNA Okay. Allow me. DAVID Smells really nice. JOANNA Mm. DAVID I haven't lit it up, though. JOANNA No, clearly. Saving it for a special occasion. LIAM Okay, so how do we do this? How do we do this in your virtual world? JOANNA Can you taste? LIAM How do you... MARIO Well, here's the... That's a good question. LIAM Well, how do you savour? JOANNA Yes! DAVID What? MARIO You can like completely structure your own reality, however you want it. JOANNA If you've got dark tendencies, how is that going to work in this... MARIO I don't know! Look, I'm not an expert. JOANNA You're the expert, tell us! Yeah. MARIO Well, I guess... JOANNA So, if I like, if I like to hurt small children... MARIO Yeah. JOANNA That's okay in there? DAVID If you... Like, all the bad people can do bad stuff, and don't hurt anyone. LIAM But then you're encouraging it. JOANNA Yeah. DAVID No, it's not encouragement, but like if, if they're going to do it in the real world and there's an option to do it in the...whatever, other reality, then... MARIO Like, isn't that a part of human as well, like we have these things in us. But acting upon them, that's when it becomes... LIAM Yeah, but we have a switch in our brains to turn it off. Not a switch on a console to turn it on. JOANNA Okay, but everyone has seen The Matrix , right? Everyone is dying to get out of the Matrix. MARIO Yes, so that's the next step. We get in, and then we're like, "Shit..." JOANNA "Can we come back out?!" DAVID Hi. Yeah. No, I'll... I'll come down instead. DAVID Hey. SIRI Hi. SIRI Sorry for just turning up like this. DAVID No worries. It's just that...it's not a good time. Mario's feeling a bit down. SIRI Okay. Um... SIRI But, um... I guess I felt like I... I just wanted to see you and talk. SIRI Because... You know, I...I really want to give you time and space, David. And I completely get that you need that. But...it's just that, it's hard for me, too. Like, I haven't been in touch for, for like a really long time, and I don't know if that's what you want. SIRI If you still want me to leave you alone, then I will. It's just that I... I just need to know that that's still what you want. 'Cause, I mean, if I were you, I'd probably want you to show me that you cared, even though I had told you not to. So I need to, or I just want to...know. What it is that you want. DAVID Right. I... I just know that I need more time. I... I don't know. SIRI But, David, I mean... I don't know what that's supposed to mean. Is it three weeks? Two months? A year? You know? You need to give me some idea, because, it's really fucking hard on me too, this whole thing. I mean... DAVID Yes. SIRI It, it... I have no idea how you feel, or what's going on, nothing. And that's... DAVID If I knew myself, I'd tell you. DAVID But I... DAVID I don't. SIRI Okay. LIAM It's managing the whirlwind. You have that whirlwind of romance at the beginning. LIAM And if you can't manage that change down in tone, to just general happiness and well-being, then that's, that's where relationships might fail. MARIO So how does one get into that, like start to be more accepting of each other? LIAM Yes... MARIO Does that mean not having opinions any more? LIAM Absolutely not. JOANNA ...not to change somebody, not trying to fit them into what you want them to be. LIAM Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. LIAM Learning about what the other wants. JOANNA Yeah, and if that's not what you want, that's your issue, not theirs. MARIO Ouch. LIAM Also that thing about...