ALL CAMILLE DAVID EMMA JOHN LUCY MARIO MIRIAM RECEPTIONIST SHANE SIRI TAXI_DRIVER TEAM_LEADER WILLIAM WOMAN SIRI You're mine. DAVID No, you're mine. DAVID You can't win without... SIRI Yes! Yes! Yes! DAVID ...you're trying to fucking disturb me. SIRI Do you want to come? MARIO David. Colleague, Swedish. This is Camille. A stranger. CAMILLE So how long have you been with David? SIRI Seven years. CAMILLE Seven years? SIRI M-hm. CAMILLE Wow. CAMILLE I really like the way you kiss. DAVID What is it? SIRI You don't know the difference between my body and someone else's. DAVID Of course I do... SIRI Do you know how that feels?! DAVID Of course I fucking do. SIRI Fuck you! Shut up, David! SIRI No, Siri! SIRI I'd fuck him. MIRIAM Oh my god. Look at that body. SIRI Hey. JOHN Hi. SIRI Hi. JOHN John. SIRI Yeah, Camille. JOHN Nice to meet you in person. SIRI Yeah. JOHN What's going on? SIRI I have a boyfriend. SIRI Sometimes it just feels like everything is already done somehow. Like life, you know? It's like a fucking panic. It feels like we've grown together with each other. DAVID Have you been with someone else? SIRI Why are you asking? DAVID Because it feels like that. SIRI No. SIRI David! DAVID What? SIRI I have to go, I feel really fucking sick. MIRIAM Hey, where the fuck have you been? MIRIAM This is John. TAXI DRIVER Okay, that'll be fifteen pounds, please. SIRI Thanks. SIRI Have you seen the Advil? SIRI David? DAVID No. SIRI Jesus, I'm tired. SIRI I don't even have the energy to take off my make-up. SIRI I love you. Sleep well. SIRI You going to work out? DAVID Yeah. SIRI If you're going for a run, I'd love to tag along. DAVID You up to it? SIRI What do you mean? DAVID You felt like fucking shit yesterday. SIRI Yeah. DAVID How you feeling now? SIRI I'm fine. But maybe I shouldn't do a workout. SIRI It's three o'clock. Make sure you're home by then. ANNOUNCEMENT, UNDERGROUND End station. SIRI Oh, I wish we could be with you now. It looks so cosy. SIRI'S SISTER Yes, and we miss you. SIRI Here's David. SIRI'S SISTER Hello, David! SIRI Hi, honey. DAVID Hello. SIRI'S MUM Hello, David. DAVID Hello. SIRI'S SISTER So, let's do this. SIRI Hang on. SIRI'S DAD Okay, we're ready. SIRI'S SISTER Oh, how sweet! It looks lovely. WOMAN Really sweet. SIRI Right. Now, okay? ALL Yes, may she live! Yes, may she live! Yes, may she live to be 100! Of course she will live! Of course she will live! Of course she will live to be 100 years old! SIRI'S DAD Three cheers for Unna. Hipp hipp! ALL Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! SIRI Oh, how lovely. Show the cake. So nice. Wow. Hi, Dad. Hey, did you check out that travel insurance surcharge? SIRI'S DAD I sorted it out. It's fine. SIRI Right. Great, that's great. It was so swe... Yeah, the whole gang. SIRI You taking a shower? DAVID Yeah. SIRI I'll join you. God, I'm so fucking scuzzy. SIRI Watch out, I'm just going to... SIRI You in a bad mood, or what? DAVID No. SIRI But I can tell there's something. DAVID No, there's nothing. SIRI Okay. TEAM LEADER Okay, guys. So on to the next one. A customer calls, he is angry. His phone hasn't worked for two days, no calls, no texts. TEAM LEADER Due to this, he claims, he missed a business call this morning resulting in the loss of an important contact for his firm. TEAM LEADER He wants to be reimbursed. What are the four procedures we'd go through to handle this situation? Anyone want to go first? SHANE I think I know this. TEAM LEADER Go on then, Shane. SHANE We apologize initially on behalf of Plus Phone. TEAM LEADER Yeah, perfect. Anyone else? Next? SHANE I think I know this one as well. We apologize and tell them that we can't reimburse them for any technical difficulties that have occurred when he was using our service. TEAM LEADER Yes, perfect. Anyone else? WILLIAM Make sure that our team get to the bottom of the problem, maybe? TEAM LEADER Yeah, perfect. And last one? EMMA Offer him a voucher. TEAM LEADER Yes. SHANE For ten pounds. TEAM LEADER Yep. EMMA Yes, I know it's for ten pounds. SHANE I just thought I'd remind you, you know? TEAM LEADER Next one. A young man calls to hear his options regarding a flat rate subscription. He's on a budget but he also needs his phone for work on a daily basis. What do we do here? SHANE We explain how good our service is all over South London. TEAM LEADER Yes, nice. Anyone else? LUCY Ask how much data he uses on a monthly basis. TEAM LEADER Yeah, perfect. Last one? EMMA Go on, Shane. LUCY You've got this. SHANE Do you think I know it? It's something about the Golden Bundle, the Golden Bundle... TEAM LEADER Yeah, nice. Give him his options and push the Golden Bundle. WILLIAM Well done, bro. TEAM LEADER Well done, nice. Good. Last one A customer is upset, her bill for the previous month has been drawn twice from her account. EMMA Yeah, you don't have insurance, I'm afraid. So... SHANE Have you looked through our membership options on the website? LUCY May I ask who I'm speaking with? Thomas. Hi, Thomas. MARIO ...and from the family. DAVID According to your account you're only paying for standard Plus Phone insurance. Yeah, I understand. I'm sorry, I cannot help you with that. DAVID Thanks for calling Plus Phone South London, my name is David, how can I assist you today? DAVID Excuse me, please hold. MARIO David. Where you going? DAVID I have to leave. DAVID Hi. RECEPTIONIST How can I help you? DAVID I'm looking for John Taylor. RECEPTIONIST They might be in rehearsal at the moment. Are you a friend? DAVID Erm, yeah. RECEPTIONIST Is he expecting you? DAVID No, I-I tried his phone... RECEPTIONIST What's your name? DAVID David. RECEPTIONIST Oh, hello. Yeah, I've got a visitor for John Taylor. David. Thank you. If you'd just like to take a seat over there I'll get someone to track him down for you. DAVID Okay. Thank you. DAVID Hello? SIRI Hi. DAVID Hi. SIRI What are you doing? DAVID Working. And you? SIRI I just got my exam results back.. DAVID And? How'd you do? SIRI Well, it went so fucking well. It's totally sick. I can't believe it, David. DAVID Nice. SIRI Yes, it's so damn cool. When will you be home? DAVID Eh, I don't know. I have to work now. We'll call later. SIRI Okay. I just wanted to tell you it went well. DAVID Right, bye. SIRI Kiss, bye. RECEPTIONIST Hello? Okay. David? John's not in today, I'm afraid. DAVID Okay. Thank you. RECEPTIONIST No problem.