JESSICA Ahhhh… JESSICA Ok. EVAN Ok. JESSICA We’re safe. What did you really think of the play? EVAN Well... I loved the design of the program. It’s… JESSICA Oh no... EVAN No, I’m serious, this is the real work of art right here. I bet it was designed by a talented, smart, beautiful woman who’s got great taste in men. JESSICA EVAN Ahh… Come on, we’re almost there. JESSICA Ah… No, I can’t do it. Ah… no… I can’t wait to get out of these shoes and into a bath. EVAN I love you in heels. You don’t wear them enough ! JESSICA I’m sure you’ll see them again sometime… next year. JESSICA Oh my God. We’ve been rob. Ashh… Ahhh… EVAN What ? JESSICA My Grandmother’s jewelry. EVAN Ah ! BURGLAR Stay back. Gimme your wallet. EVAN Just calm down, alright ? BURGLAR And your purse. Hand it over! That ring too. JESSICA It’s my engagement ring. BURGLAR Either you give it to me, or I take it from you! EVAN Just give it to him Jess... BURGLAR You follow me, I start shooting. JESSICA Oh my God… EVAN It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok. JESSICA Oh my God… EVAN It’s just stuff, alright ? EVAN This is probably everything we can do. TYLER Evan ? EVAN Hey Tyler, thanks for coming, man. TYLER Yeah, I know. EVAN I know this ain’t your precinct. TYLER Of course. You guys OK? JESSICA More or less. EVAN Just a little shaken up. TYLER Ahh, for sure. Did you gave your statement to the officer? EVAN Yeah, he just left. TYLER Did either of you get a look at this guy? EVAN It’s just some random lowlife. TYLER Yeah, there’s a lot of those in this neighborhood. EVAN We’re going to the station in the morning to do a sketch. TYLER Ok. Do you want to show me where he came in ? EVAN Yeah, yeah, follow me. JESSICA What are the odds of actually catching this guy and getting my engagement ring back? TYLER It’s hard to say... JESSICA Tyler… TYLER I wouldn’t get your hopes up Jess. TYLER You wanna… EVAN Yeah, let’s go. EVAN Jess? What are you doing? JESSICA Moving. EVAN JESSICA Alright, I got this one, I got this one, I got this… Don’t have it! Don’t have it ! Don’t have it ! Don’t have it ! Don’t have it ! JESSICA Ahhh ! God ! EVAN You’re good ? JESSICA Yeah. EVAN Good. JESSICA I got this. EVAN Hey babe ? EVAN Cheese ! JESSICA No… EVAN Come on, smile ! JESSICA Look at my hair, I look… EVAN You look great ! JESSICA Yeah !!! Ok. Ok. EVAN Ok. JESSICA We’re done. EVAN We’re done. Well. We did it. JESSICA Yes. We did. EVAN I just hope we can afford it. JESSICA We’ll be fine. I’ll take on sport clients. EVAN That’ll definitely help. JESSICA And think of how much money we’ll save by not getting our stuff stolen. Picture ? EVAN You bet ! Alright. JESSICA What are we going to do with all of this space? EVAN Maybe we should go from room to room and get to know it a little better. JESSICA Hmm, hmm, since when did you become so interested in interior decorating? EVAN I’m not. JESSICA Hmm, hmm. EVAN I’m seducing you. JESSICA Oh…. ! Shhh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh ! Do you hear that? EVAN I don’t hear anything. JESSICA Exactly. Isn’t it great! EVAN It’s actually a little eerie. JESSICA Rrrrr…. EVAN Who is that? JESSICA Ahhhh… I don’t know. EVAN Hi. SIMON My name is Simon. I live next door. And I wanted to introduce myself and offer you a little welcome to the neighborhood. EVAN Well, thank you very much. EVAN Euh, my name is Evan and this is my fiancée, Jessica. JESSICA Hi, hmm, oh ! SIMON Charmed. JESSICA Ah, you look like you’re coming from some place fancy. SIMON No. Euh, work. I lecture at the University. EVAN That’s cool. What do you teach? SIMON Men’s studies. JESSICA Ah ! I’m, euh… I’m sorry. I thought you were kidding. SIMON Technically the field is referred to as Men and Masculinities. JESSICA I didn’t think there was that much to know on the subject. EVAN Haha ! Now it’s Jess is just kidding. SIMON You’ve got a real low firecracker on your hands there Evan. EVAN Yeah, you could say that. You could say that actually. JESSICA Hmm, you know what, I’m sorry. That was really rude of me. And you were really, really kind to bring this over to us. Thank you so much, we really appreciate. Would you... do you want to come in and have some of this with us? It will take me a minute to find the wine glasses … SIMON I would love to but I have some papers to grade and I imagine you have some settling in to do. EVAN Well, when the kitchen is ready, we’ll have you over for dinner. JESSICA Definitely. SIMON I look forward to that. EVAN Great. SIMON Good evening. EVAN Night. Way to make a first impression, Jess. JESSICA Aw ! C’mon it was a joke. Wow. This is a really nice bottle. EVAN Well, he’s obviously a classy guy, just like me. EVAN Ok, I guess this is it. My first morning commute. JESSICA Thank you. EVAN For what? JESSICA All of this. I know moving wasn’t your first choice. EVAN It’ll grow on me. I gotta go. I don’t know how late I’m gonna be in traffic. You sure you’ll gonna be ok without a car? JESSICA Yeah…I’m just going to stay in and work anyway. I may even have dinner ready for you when you get home... EVAN Wow. It’s growing on me already. JESSICA I love you. EVAN Love you. JESSICA Hey Oscar. OSCAR Hey Jess, how’s life in the burbs? JESSICA Great. OSCAR Good for you, man. OSCAR I don’t think I could survive if I wasn’t in walking distance to a coffee place, or a pizza shop. Or just something…. JESSICA I get it. Thanks. OSCAR Alright, so listen, I think I’ve got something pretty interesting on the Sierra Marshall case I wanted to run by you real quick. JESSICA Ohh...no, no, no, no. I really have to be focussing on work. OSCAR Alright, but you missing that, it’s kind of juicy... JESSICA Ahhh…ok. A short break won’t hurt, right. What have you got? OSCAR Alright, so you remember how the original suspect was the brother-in-law, right? JESSICA He had an alibi, right? OSCAR That’s what the press reported, but guess what I got a hold of the police report. Turns out mister « Goody two-shoes » story got some holes on it. JESSICA Oh yeah..? OSCAR Hmmm, hmm ! JESSICA Ahh ! Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re saying, but who would he know that had access to a forensics lab? OSCAR But I mean, who says he need to know anybody? JESSICA Argggg… OSCAR Jess… Earth to Jess, is this thing on? I’m over here ? JESSICA We’ve been talking about this all day. Gotta go. OSCAR Alright, catch you later. JESSICA Ok. EVAN JESSICA Hey ! Hey honey. How, how was it? EVAN Ah… It was brutal. It was pretty much bumper to bumper the entire way. EVAN Hope dinner’s not too cold. I’m starving. JESSICA It’s, it’s not. Because, I haven’t started it yet. EVAN Oh. JESSICA I’m sorry. I just got caught up with what I was doing. EVAN No, it’s, it’s OK. I’m happy you had a productive day. I go whip up a stir-fry or something. EVAN Did you finish your project? JESSICA Not exactly. EVAN Please don’t tell me you wasted an entire work day on one of those missing persons cases? JESSICA I know, I started on my project, but then Oscar and I might have made a breakthrough…. EVAN Oscar... ? JESSICA Yeah. EVAN Look, I don’t want to start something here but I don’t think it’s fair that you’re chatting online with some guy all day while I’m out covering the house payments. I realize my name is the only one on the mortgage, but you promised we be in this together. JESSICA You’re right. You’re right. And we are. It’s just, it’s just the first day. JESSICA Please. Evan. EVAN Ok, ok. Just, give me a half hour. JESSICA Simon! SIMON Oh hello ! JESSICA Hey ! I just wanted to say thanks again for the wine. We really enjoyed it. SIMON I’m glad to hear that. JESSICA Do you have a cellar? SIMON Well, how did you know that? JESSICA Ah, dust on the bottle. I just kind of figured. SIMON Hmm, you’re very perceptive. JESSICA Ahh ! Listen, I hope I didn’t offend you with SIMON No, I’ve heard them all before. JESSICA Ok, hmm, well I also was wondering if you were free to join us for dinner Thursday. SIMON I’d love to. JESSICA Great, seven thirty? SIMON Perfect. And I’ll see if I can dig up a little something outside of my cellar. JESSICA Perfect ! Alright, well, I will see you, I will see you then ! SIMON Ok. JESSICA Ok, bye ! EVAN Ah, I had to say, this is, this is amazing wine, Simon. SIMON Well, I’m really glad that you like it. EVAN I just, I feel kind of guilty pairing it with barbecue. SIMON No, no, no, no ! Now is the perfect time to enjoy this one. In fact, I fear I had lefted in my cellar one day longer it may have spoiled. SIMON Besides, I think you selling yourself short. Because this looks to me like some gourmet grilling. JESSICA Evan does most of the cooking around here. EVAN Yeah, it’s nothing special, just simple stuff, really. EVAN Things like stir fries or pasta.Pretty much anything doesn’t take a time to prep or proper ingredients. SIMON Really? SIMON Ah ! So…you don’t cook? JESSICA I can re-heat with the best of them. EVAN She make a mean rhubarb pie. JESSICA I haven’t made one of those in a while. EVAN Tell me about it. EVAN You use to made them for me when I did something good. Now I don’t think I’ve been pie worthy for quite some time. JESSICA That isn’t true. That isn’t true. SIMON Well I’m...impressed. And I don’t know how I’d survive without TV dinners. SIMON They’re a bit of a relic of a bygone era, I guess. But then again, so am I. I come from a very traditional house. And my father provided it and my mother would cook and she would threaten to stab anyone who would set foot in her kitchen with a butcher knife. EVAN The good old days. JESSICA You must get lonely in that house all by yourself. SIMON Yes, I wasn’t always. JESSICA Oh... SIMON I used to live in it with my fiancée, but I suppose the white picket fence wasn’t for her... JESSICA I’m sorry. SIMON It’s ok, I’m sure she’s very happy with the guy that she was cheating on me with so, cheers ! EVAN Well, I can’t even look at another woman without Jess sensing it. SIMON Ahhhhh… the possessive type, huh? JESSICA I think the word you’re looking for is intuitive. EVAN Well, she’s that too. SIMON Ha, ha ! EVAN Did she tell you that she’s not only a graphic designer but also a parttime crime fighter? SIMON No she didn’t. JESSICA It’s just a hobby. I’m part of an online group that works to dig up information on old cases. SIMON I think I’ve heard of this. This is a sort of a… crowd-sourced crime fighting. JESSICA It’s a lot of work that usually leads nowhere but you are drawn to what you’re drawn to I guess. SIMON Absolutely. EVAN She also wants to write a book. SIMON Wants to ? What’s stopping you? JESSICA I haven’t found the right story, I guess. SIMON Well, maybe your new life will help you discover it. JESSICA Maybe. EVAN Yeah. EVAN That’s what he told me. JESSICA That’s weird. I swear I smell perfume on him. EVAN Well, maybe it’s just some fancy cologne. JESSICA Maybe. EVAN You know, you should set one of your girlfriends up with him. JESSICA Well, I don’t know...I’m afraid they’d all be too possessive like me. EVAN Hahaha, c’mon, when we first started dating, you went into my closet and you put a bunch of lipstick on all my shirt collars. JESSICA Ahhh…. Now why would I do that? EVAN Oh, I don’t know. Maybe to show all the women that I was already taken? JESSICA Oh… JESSICA Simon, hey! SIMON Oh. Hi. JESSICA Hi. I’m trying to do some gardening... But this work for my window planters but do you have anything with a little more heft that I could borrow? SIMON The handle on mine broke and I haven’t got around to replacing it. JESSICA Ok. I’ll just wait for Evan to get back with the car. JESSICA Or you making dinner for someone? SIMON No. Why do you ask that? JESSICA I… that’s a lot of food for a single guy. Haha ! SIMON I hate shopping so I tend to buy as much as I can at once. JESSICA Ok. SIMON Ok. JESSICA Ok. SIMON Well have a lovely rest of your day. JESSICA You too... He said he never cooks. EVAN Maybe he was inspired by my culinary skills. JESSICA I’m serious. He was being weird. EVAN Look, we don’t really know him. JESSICA Evan, he was hiding something from me. EVAN What if he’s having an affair with one of his students and he wants to keep it quiet. JESSICA Whatever it is, something is definitely off about him. I can feel it. EVAN ...You need to stop doing this. JESSICA Stop doing what? EVAN Turning nothing into another one of your who-done-its. JESSICA That’s nice. EVAN I’m serious. Look, we have to live here and unlike everything else in this neighbourhood, Simon’s not boring. So maybe you can come up with a conspiracy about someone else. JESSICA Maybe you cannot talk to me like I’m crazy. EVAN Jess, we live in a house that we can’t afford, that I pay for working a job that I hate, by the way, so you could feel safe. But I’m starting to think you can’t feel safe anywhere! JESSICA Who said anything about not feeling safe? EVAN Isn’t that where this is going? JESSICA Sounds to me like it’s going to a place where you blame me for decision we made together! EVAN Oh, look, speaking of the devil ! EVAN Hey. SIMON Hi, euh, I hope it’s not too late. I saw the light was on. EVAN No, not at all. SIMON I’m sorry Jessica, I forgot that I bought another shovel after the other one broke. It’s if you still need it. JESSICA Thank you. EVAN Hey, do you want, do you want to come in for a drink? SIMON Oh, no, I have an early class in the morning. EVAN Ok, well next time then. SIMON Absolutely. Goodnight. EVAN Night. EVAN You know, there is something off about him. He’s nice. JESSICA JESSICA JESSICA Simon ! It’s Jessica. Are you home? JESSICA ...Don’t look at me that way. You haven’t met this guy. He’s weird. OSCAR You’re parranoying. JESSICA He dresses weird, he talks weird. The guy literally wears his personality on his sleeve, but he has the most boring furniture ever. It’s like he doesn’t even live there. And he just keeps the draps drawn all the time like he’s hiding something. OSCAR I don’t know, Jess. I mean I know you got those millions dollar hunches but, honestly doesn’t sound like a whole lot to go on. JESSICA But it all seems a little off though, right? Right ? OSCAR Yeah but if being a little off was a crime we’d be having this conversation in jail right now. JESSICA Ahhhh… You’re starting to sound like Evan. OSCAR Oh, oh ! Trouble in paradise? JESSICA He’s just stressed about the mortgage and he thinks I should be spending more time working... which he’s right about. OSCAR Alright, look I can see this is stressing you out. Do you want me to check in into this guy? JESSICA No. No, it’s fine. OSCAR Alright. Well, call me if anything else comes up, right ? JESSICA I will. OSCAR Alright, chill out ! JESSICA Simon, it’s Jessica. Are you home? JESSICA Hello? SIMON How are you, Jessica? JESSICA Simon? SIMON Are you busy? JESSICA No, just trying to slog through this design project. SIMON I found something that I think you’ll going to like. Hmm, would you like to take a break and pop over? JESSICA Sss…sure. SIMON Great. See you soon. JESSICA Bye. SIMON Hi. JESSICA Hi. JESSICA I like your place. SIMON That’s right. You haven’t actually been inside before. JESSICA No. SIMON Well, if you come to the kitchen where yoursurprise is. SIMON Ok. This reminded me of the one you were woring the other night so, I had to buy it for you. JESSICA I can’t accept that. SIMON You don’t like your present? JESSICA I do. SIMON No, it’s ok, I just have one other thing to show you