AIDEN ANSEL ATHENA BARISTA BEN BILL CLIENT CLIENT_2 DAVID JAKE JASON JOHN MARK MATTHEW MAUREEN RECEPTIONIST ROBERTA SEAN SHEA VALERIA VALERIE JOHN Well, sure my professional life is important, but it's really your personal life that matters most, right? And Macy and Foster are my world. I just love being a papa. ATHENA How old are they? JOHN Macy is six and Foster is 8 1/2. ATHENA Oh. That's fun. JOHN Yeah. ATHENA Do they go to private or public? JOHN Private or public what? ATHENA Your kids, where do they go to school? JOHN Oh, no. Macy and Foster are cats. ATHENA Oh, wow. That's... Did you mention that? That they were cats and not people? JOHN Oh, people is such a relative term. Macy and Foster are my children. ATHENA Right. ATHENA Absolutely. JOHN Yeah. I have pictures. Yeah. Look, we're in Hawaii. Luau! Do you know how hard it is to get a bathing suit for cats? Oh! ATHENA Okay. Well, what'd you look at the time there? I really gotta get going. It has been such a pleasure meeting you, John. JOHN Yeah, you're really neat. ATHENA Oh, wow. Gee, thank you. JOHN Can we... Do you want to go out again, please? ATHENA I would love to. JOHN Okay. ATHENA Why don't you gimme a call? Yeah. You have my number. JOHN Okay. Yeah, yeah. ATHENA Okay. JOHN Should I pay you now or... ATHENA We'll figure it out later. JOHN It's just... Do you take Platinum Visa? ATHENA Yes. And all major credit cards. Okay. So my name isn't actually Amy. It's Athena. My parents named me after the goddess of wisdom when they got home from their big trip to Greece. Yep. That's where I was conceived. Sorry about the door situation. My name only helped in one situation, as far as I'm concerned, the title of the blog I wrote in college: Dating Wisdom. It was all about the dates me and my friends had. It even had a small cult following of college women across the country. I also knew the blog would be great material for all the rom-coms I was gonna write when I moved to Hollywood. I got a job because of my blog. I convinced a company I was exactly what they were looking for. A professional dating consultant. RECEPTIONIST No, we are not a dating service. We are a dating school. Yes. Yes, absolutely. ATHENA Date Better sends people on several real dates with someone like me, and then we teach them how to get better in each postdate consultation. It turns out I'm actually kind of great at it. I figured if I worked for one year at Date Better, there would be a lot of downtime to write my script. Well, I've worked here for six years now, and my writing career kind of got stalled by a lot of rejection and a healthy dose of writer's block. VALERIE Yes, it was lovely meeting you too. We'll see you next week then! Right. Bye-bye. Oh, she was such a bore. Can't believe I have to her see again next week. ATHENA This isn't a play. This is your job. VALERIE No, it is vigorous character work. Why else do you think I work here? ATHENA To find your soulmate. VALERIE No, that's not why you work here, right? ATHENA No! VALERIE No, it's so you have time to work on your writing. Yeah. How is your screenplay going? ATHENA Not great. VALERIE But the last draft I read was amazing. ATHENA Valerie, it's missing an ending. VALERIE Well, who cares? Actors like to make up their own words anyway. I'm kidding. Your words are gold. I'm not just saying that so you cast me as your lead. ATHENA Okay. Well, noted. But I'm gonna stick to what I do best. Helping people. Being a professional dater is a pretty easy job, really. There are just a few ground rules we have to follow. MARK I think this is a cactus. ATHENA Is it? MARK Yeah, it's a cactus. So this was a nice evening. ATHENA Yeah. Rule number one, no physical contact beyond handshakes. You're done. You're ready to go out into the real dating world. CLIENT My mom would be so proud. Maybe we can start a chat group or something. ATHENA It's just, you know, that's not... You've read the pamphlets. CLIENT Got it. Got it. ATHENA Yeah. Yeah. ATHENA Rule number two, never develop an emotional attachment to the client. Oh, no. No, thank you. CLIENT 2 Really? ATHENA Rule number three, absolutely positively no mind-altering substances on the job. Check please. And rule number four, always provide own transportation to and from date. Call him a cab. AIDEN Where's my naughty girl? AIDEN Oh! ATHENA Oh my God! Ah! Oh, this has gotta stop happening to me. Can you become clothed, please? AIDEN You must be a roommate or a cute thief. SHEA Oh, Athena, have you met... AIDEN Aiden? SHEA Aiden. Oh, okay. This is my roommate Athena. ATHENA We met. SHEA I'm just gonna go put on a robe. AIDEN So how many other roommates do you have? I mean, this place is pretty sweet. ATHENA Yeah. Just us. Shea's dad pays the rent while she tries to be an influencer. And if she doesn't make it by age 30, then she has to join the family business. AIDEN What is she, like in the mafia or something? ATHENA Sort of. He's a senator, but she'd have to start in Congress. Either way, she'll be influencing people. AIDEN Well, you know, we didn't talk much. ATHENA Ah. Mm-hm. AIDEN So what kind of influencer is she? ATHENA Well, she does like this TikTok series where she breaks up with guys using DoorDash, and that is like hysterical. AIDEN Seriously? ATHENA Oh, shit. I shouldn't have told you that. Hey, you know what, if it happens to you, then you'll get like a free pizza and a burger out of it. AIDEN And are you an influencer too? SHEA No. Athena gets paid to date people. AIDEN Huh? Like a prostitute. ATHENA Kind of. The consultation part of the job is what I like best. I feel like I'm really helping, even though a lot of it is just teaching people the basics of human interaction. John, I know this is a difficult topic, but it is my job to address these sensitive issues with you. Once you take care of your projectile saliva, then I know that your first date retention rate will be much greater. Okay? Your new haircut by Sergio already looks so hip. JOHN Oh, you like it? ATHENA Oh, this is Dr. Gordon. He takes a lot of our clients and I think you'll be pleased. JOHN Thank you. ATHENA Now, the next hurdle we need to work on, which you can work on at home, maybe with the cats. Topics of conversation. What to share and what to save. VALERIE Coffee in a bit? ATHENA Ooh, I can't have a new client coming. JOHN What? You're seeing other people? ATHENA Oh. John, let me give you one more. The client-date relationship. Okay. Separating fantasy, this is a fantasy, from reality. JOHN Okay. ATHENA Okay. Great. We'll see you Monday. JOHN Yeah. ATHENA Okay. JOHN Okay. ATHENA Okay. JOHN Bye-Bye. ATHENA Bye. MATTHEW Amy? ATHENA Oh, hi. MATTHEW Hi. ATHENA You must be Matthew. MATTHEW Yeah. Hi, I'm Matthew. Well, you just said my name. Thanks for meeting me here. I thought it'd be fun to do something different other than a restaurant, you know? It's probably stupid. ATHENA No, I think it's a great idea. I just, I haven't really golfed, but I'm willing to learn. MATTHEW Well, it's never too late. MATTHEW Shall we? ATHENA Sure. MATTHEW Yeah. ATHENA So where are you from, Matthew? MATTHEW I am from Boston originally. ATHENA Oh, Boston. MATTHEW Yeah. It's been quite a transition. I was dating someone up until a few months ago. College girlfriend. We were together for three years and, yeah, you know, me moving out here, the whole long-distance thing just didn't work out. ATHENA Yeah. I mean, those are the hardest relationships to sustain. MATTHEW Yeah. Right? It's been years since I've been on a first date, and I just thought I probably need a little practice in that department. ATHENA Well, it's always good to brush up. MATTHEW Yeah. Oh, here's your putter. ATHENA Thank you. MATTHEW So show me your lifeline. ATHENA Are you gonna read my fortune? MATTHEW Not today, but next date. ATHENA Okay. MATTHEW That crease that runs from your index knuckle to your wrist, you wanna put that up right against the putter. Take your stance. Knock it through nice and slow like this. ATHENA Ooh! It was a little too kicky. MATTHEW Did you say kinky? ATHENA No, I said kicky. But if you need a sex therapist, we have one on staff. MATTHEW No, I am 100% good. No problems here. ATHENA Interesting. All the guys say that. That one didn't seem like it had enough kick. MATTHEW Yeah. It's not as easy as it looks. So, your turn. ATHENA Okay. ATHENA Hold my map. MATTHEW Yep. ATHENA No judgment. MATTHEW You got this. ATHENA Oh! MATTHEW Oh wow, okay. ATHENA You know what? Beginner's luck. I'm sorry. ATHENA That was too boastful. MATTHEW One more time. ATHENA Okay, here we go. Oh! MATTHEW You've done this before. ATHENA I swear I have never done this. MATTHEW I don't believe you. ATHENA Should we check your lifeline, Matthew? MATTHEW No, we're going to the next hole now. SHEA You got this, girl. You are hot, you are fire. Oh, hi. BEN Hey. Is she ready? SHEA I'll go get her. BEN I'll let myself in. SHEA Your boyfriend's here. BEN He's not my boyfriend. He's my best friend. SHEA Whatever. He's a man and he's here all the time. And if you're not getting sex out of it,    I don't really see the point. ATHENA God. SHEA She'll be out in one sec. BEN Great. Thanks. SHEA So how's writing on "Star Wars?" BEN I'm still an assistant, but it's "Star Trek: The Next, Next, Next Generation." SHEA Aren't they kinda the same thing? BEN They have completely different ideologies and- SHEA We're still talking about fantasy spaceship shows, right? BEN Speaking of fantasies, how is influencing going? What do you even do? SHEA TikToks, Tweets, Instas about what I'm wearing. I mean, basically just being me, because who wouldn't wanna be me? ATHENA Hey. Oh, what do we think? SHEA Hot. Great. SHEA Love the liner. ATHENA          Great. BEN Ready? ATHENA Yeah. Let's go. SHEA Have fun, you two. ATHENA God. BEN Hey. You talked to anyone? ATHENA Yeah. No, not really. BEN Well, writer for my show's over there. He wrote a screenplay that went to Sundance and he said he might be willing to read your script, give you notes. ATHENA Really? Oh, I'm not finished yet. BEN No, it's never finished. It's time. Come on! ATHENA Come on. BEN Come on! ATHENA Come on, man. Okay. All right. BEN He's right here. ATHENA Okay. BEN Bill! BILL Hey, man. BEN Hey, Billy. This is my friend I was telling you about. BILL Oh, hey, I'm Bill. ATHENA Amy. BEN Athena. ATHENA Athena. Sorry. Yes. BEN One drink and she's a different person. ATHENA Woo. BEN Athena's a screenwriter and she's really talented. BILL Oh, cool. Great. Yeah, I'd love to see your work. ATHENA Well, I'm still working on it. JASON Athena! Oh my God. I thought that was you. ATHENA Jason. JASON Ben. Man. BEN Hey. JASON Been a while. BEN Jason. Yeah, it has. BILL You all seem to know each other? BEN Yeah, we went to college together. ATHENA Yeah. He was my ex-boyfriend and he moved to New York to find the real Jason instead of coming to LA like we planned our entire senior year of college so... BILL Well, cool. I'll let y'all catch up. It was nice meeting you, Athena. ATHENA Yeah. Oh, sorry. JASON Wow. Can't believe you're here. You look... I mean, you still look great. BEN I'm gonna get another drink. ATHENA Okay. Hey, hey, get me a double of whatever you're getting. BEN Yeah. JASON I'm okay. So... ATHENA Are you on vacation or? JASON No, I live here now. Yeah. Company moved from New York six months ago. I was gonna call you, you know when I got settled. ATHENA Right. Sure. JASON So we should totally catch up sometime. Look, how is the movie writing going? I keep looking for your name. Nothing. ATHENA Yeah. Well, you know, I'm still trying. ATHENA It's kind of a process JASON Cool, cool. Look, I'll call you. We'll hang out sometime. ATHENA You know what, Jason? We're not gonna hang out. That's unnecessary. Do you know what I've been doing the past six years? Living my life without you. And I have been fine without you. I wasted so much of my time on you in college. I'm not gonna waste another moment catching up with you. You stupid, pretentious, selfish ass! JASON I didn't know that you felt that way. ATHENA Well, now you do. BEN What's happening? Fun catch up with Jason? ATHENA Let's just go home. BEN Come on, man. ATHENA Come on, man. I'm sorry about leaving early. BEN I know you hate parties. I talk to those people at work all day anyway. Rather hang with you. ATHENA Oh my God. You should have heard what I wanted to say to Jason. It was epic. I should write it down. BEN You know I never liked him? ATHENA Yeah, I know. You told me the first time you met him. BEN Well, who was right after all? ATHENA It wasn't that bad. BEN Oh, he made you feel like shit and couldn't commit to you. That shouldn't be a thing. You're awesome. ATHENA God, I'm awesome? BEN Yeah, you are. ATHENA I just don't understand why you wore that. It's too casual. BEN I just didn't wanna come across as desperate. ATHENA There's beer in the fridge. Shea! I don't think she's home. BEN Good. She scares me. SHEA Hey, guys. BEN Shea, how's it going? ATHENA Hey, you wanna Netflix and chill with us? SHEA Athena, how many times do I have to tell you? Never mind. Besides, I'm already chilling. BEN Oh, you got a guy in there? SHEA I kind of need to ask Thena something. It's a little... ATHENA Well, you can say anything in front of Ben. SHEA Well, since you don't really need them right now. Can I borrow a condom or four? ATHENA Oh, yeah. In my nightstand, third drawer. Oh, you better check the expiration. SHEA Oh, right. Thanks. BEN You have condoms next to your bed? ATHENA Don't act so surprised. I do have sex sometimes, you know? BEN Oh, since when? ATHENA Since when's the last time you have? BEN Touché. SHEA Found them. They expire in a month, so I just figured I'd take all of 'em. ATHENA Oh, okay. SHEA Thank you. Okay. What show are we watching? BEN Well, does it matter? You'll be asleep before the murder or the breakup or they decide what's real and what's cake. ATHENA No, I won't. BEN Yes, you will. ATHENA Yes, I will. Ooh, "Crime and Punishment: ATHENA Cleveland. BEN Cleveland. SHEA Just waiting for a few more to hop on. Hi, Berlin. Nice to see you. Morning, sleepy head. Okay, sorry, my roommate just woke up. I gotta go. I'll see you soon. God, getting up at 11:00, going to work at 2:00. I should have your life. ATHENA You do have my life. Except you don't exactly have to do the work thing. SHEA I know, but that seems like the fun part. Maybe I'll get a jobby thing one of these days. That would be funny. ATHENA You should. They're a blast. SHEA You gonna come in? ATHENA No, I think I'm good. SHEA Cold plunging's really good for the lymphatic system. ATHENA I don't think so. I gotta head to work. SHEA No! ATHENA I gotta help people fall in love. I gotta do it. SHEA Okay. Boo. Bye. Have fun. See you later. You're cute. ATHENA Thanks. You are too. SHEA Bye. And we are back! JASON Athena? ATHENA Jason. Hi. JASON Wow. Two times in one week. What are the odds? ATHENA Bad? JASON Yeah. Are you here alone? ATHENA No, actually, I'm waiting for a client. JASON Client? What? You're like an agent or something? Are you not writing anymore? ATHENA You know, I work for a dating service. It's not a service. It's more like a... JASON Date Better. ATHENA You've heard of us. JASON Are you Amy? ATHENA Are are you Jeff? JASON Yeah. ATHENA Yeah. JASON Sort of used a fake name. ATHENA Yeah. Yeah. A lot of our clients do that. So... JASON This is crazy. ATHENA Crazy. Yeah. You know what, Jason, maybe I can just set you up with... JASON No, no, no, no. It's okay. It's actually good. ATHENA It's good? JASON Think about it. You already know my dating habits, so it kind of would be... ATHENA Yeah, I feel like it's just, it's a little incestuous. It feels like it's just like, it's a little too close to home, right? You know, I feel like it will inhibit your ability to grow as a dater. It'll be a conflict of interest. For him, not for me. I mean, what if he starts to fall for me again? I'm afraid that he might not be able to look past the person I was when I was 22. That would be really bad, right? Please, Maureen. MAUREEN I feel for you, Carter. I really do. But as you can see, I am running a business. And the motto here is the same as it is at McDonald's. Do you know what that motto is? ATHENA A billion served? MAUREEN No, sugar. The customer is always right. And in this case, the customer has specifically asked to continue working with you and only you. ATHENA But Maureen. MAUREEN No buts! The only but in this scenario should be your butt leaving my office. Now go. Clip clop, clip clop. Am I getting my own coffee today? ATHENA Psst. Psst. Maureen's not letting me outta this. I don't know how I'm gonna deal with it. VALERIA Oh, well, then today's your lucky day, babe. ATHENA Why? What is this? Maureen's getting a therapist? VALERIE Yes. ATHENA What? VALERIE Apparently a lot of our clients have serious issues and she can charge double for it. But keep reading. ATHENA Mandatory therapy sessions for all date consultants. Oh, so we have to see a shrink? VALERIE Yeah, the insurance company is requiring it. Apparently they think that we'll go nutty from counseling people all day if we don't have somebody to vent to ourselves. ATHENA Yeah. I can't go to a therapist. I'm from the Midwest. VALERIE So? ATHENA So we solve all our problems with food and beer. Well, why aren't you more upset about this? VALERIE Are you kidding? If I play this right, I could finally get a legitimate prescription for Ativan. ATHENA God. Can you believe it? SHEA Yes. Everyone in this town needs therapy. Especially you. ATHENA What? No, I'm totally normal. I'm not like a... SHEA Me who's been seeing a therapist since I was 16? ATHENA Well, you don't need therapy. SHEA Of course I do. How else do you think I get this ego in check? I mean, I'm fabulous. Oh, like that guy. Yummy! Damn, daddy. ATHENA No. He's hiding something, right? Probably a lack of personality or penis size. SHEA Well, it's about how you use it so... Oh, what about him? He's not bad. ATHENA As soon as he looked at you, he went straight for your boobs. SHEA Well, they're pretty great. ATHENA A breast fetish indicates a severe Freudian attachment to his mom. I mean, he probably breastfed until he was five. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I mean, people choose different things, but it causes an enmeshment sometimes. SHEA You're kidding? ATHENA No, I'm totally serious. SEAN Hey. SHEA Oh, hello. SEAN I'm Sean. I'm a lawyer and I just made partner. ATHENA No, thank you. SEAN Well, I'm celebrating tonight. I'd like to buy you a drink. Is that a whiskey neat? ATHENA I'm good, thanks. SEAN Cool, cool, cool. Well, if you change your mind, I'll be over there. Your eyes. Gorgeous. SHEA Are you crazy? What was wrong with him? ATHENA He is way too self-involved. He's talking about his job right away. What is that about? SHEA It was a conversation starter. What else is he supposed to talk about in LA? The weather? ATHENA I'm just saying, okay? I know that type of guy and I don't have patience for it. SHEA God, going in bars with you is like going to a movie with that director I dated. You get all technical and you ruin everything. ATHENA Okay. But I can't help it. It's my job. SHEA You're not working tonight. And when was the last time you went on a date? How would you know what's even out there? ATHENA Oh, I see it all the time. That's why I know. SHEA No, you've seen misfits and creeps. You need to go on a real date with someone who doesn't need a dating service to teach them how to be human. ATHENA Ben, what are you doing here? SHEA Yeah, this is our bar. Did you tell him about our bar? ATHENA Uh-uh. BEN Wisdom told me she liked this place. I didn't know it was your place, but I could leave. SHEA Oh, thank God. That would be great. ATHENA Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. SHEA You can stay. You're here already. ATHENA Are you meeting someone? BEN Actually, I am. ATHENA You are? BEN I mean, I was. She just ghosted. SHEA Update? BEN Yeah. SHEA Been there. ATHENA And that is exactly why I do not recommend online dating because it is for psychos and losers. BEN Well, that's how I met my last girlfriend. SHEA And half the guys I slept with, I met on Tinder, so... ATHENA Okay. And how do you feel about them now? BEN Psychos. SHEA Losers. ATHENA Great. Okay, I rest my case. SHEA Well, I am gonna find you someone. I'm sick about hearing all of these weird dates when they're not even real dates. I want you to kiss someone at the end of the night. I wanna walk in and find you on our couch just making out with somebody, totally going at it. And I am gonna loan you some condoms from my stash! SEAN Kinky. SHEA Shut the hell up. SEAN Okay. SHEA I'll be right back. ATHENA Right. Of course. Matthew. You asked me a lot of questions, which, frankly, is uncommon for the average male. MATTHEW Is that good? ATHENA Oh, yes. That's great. What I wanna work on is you being more confident in your own life. So for instance, I asked you what you do for a living and you said engineering, and then you asked me a question. MATTHEW Yeah. But engineering's pretty boring. ATHENA Well, it's exciting enough for you to make a career out of it. Everyone has a story. And next time, sell yourself. Yeah, you are advertising yourself as a potential mate. So you want to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. What I wanna work on for our next date is for you to tell me more about yourself. MATTHEW Cool. ATHENA Though I really think once you get this dating thing down, people will be all over you. MATTHEW Thank you. ATHENA So for our next date, you just have to call me and set it up. MATTHEW Sounds good. ATHENA Okay. Call me. MATTHEW I'll call you. Thank you for your patience,  as we finalized selections  for the Lab,  ultimately not selected. VALERIE You're up next. Hot doc Ansel is waiting for you and I've got a hot date with Sally. ATHENA Hello? SHEA Hey, baby girl. ATHENA Hey, I can't talk. I am in therapy. Hot doctor coming in. SHEA Okay. Good luck. Definitely don't open up about your feelings and learn anything about yourself ATHENA Oh God. No, I won't. SHEA Okay. Bye. ANSEL Athena. Hi. I'm Dr. Freeman, but you can call me Ansel. ATHENA Dr. Ansel. Hi. How do you like working at Date Better? ANSEL It's good. It's great. I like the variety of people. You know, clients, coworkers. Maureen is interesting. How do you like working at Date Better? ATHENA It's great. I love it. ANSEL Really? You do know I'm a real therapist, right? So anything you say in here is confidential. Nothing will be reported to Maureen. ATHENA Really? ANSEL Really. ATHENA Okay. Working here is a job. ANSEL Hmm. But not your dream job? ATHENA Oh no. I mean, I came here to be a screenwriter. I like working here sometimes and I like helping people. ANSEL What about love and relationships? ATHENA Love and relationships? Well, I've been in love twice. Corey Peterson, fourth grade, and my college boyfriend, Jason. ANSEL I'm sensing there's still some feelings there. ATHENA Annoyance and resentment, mostly that he's back in my life. ANSEL So you let a guy like that back in your life? ATHENA Oh, I had to. He's a client so... ANSEL Wow. That sounds like a conflict of interest. ATHENA Yes, exactly. That is exactly what I said to Maureen. A conflict of interest. I mean, how is he supposed to learn anything if he is, you know, reliving old patterns with me? ANSEL I meant a conflict of interest for you. ATHENA Oh, no, no. No, no. I help people learn from their mistakes and he made a lot of them. ANSEL Are you still angry with him? ATHENA I'm angry that I have to be his consultant. I mean, how am I supposed to advise someone who the last thing I remember is how big of a jerk he was? ANSEL What if you tried expressing this anger towards him? ATHENA What? No, no, no. I'm a professional. I would never break my pleasant date demeanor. MATTHEW Hey, can I get a beer? Hey. ATHENA You're 25 minutes late. JASON I got stuck in traffic. Besides, you know I'm always late. ATHENA Yeah, I figured six years and a job might have changed you a little. JASON I haven't changed at all. It's part of my appeal. You look great, by the way. I like your hair like that. ATHENA Hmm. Jason, this is serious. This is our first date. You're supposed to be punctual and apologetic. What? JASON It's not our first date. It's like our 800th. ATHENA Seventh. JASON Oh fine. 807th. ATHENA It is our seventh real date. We went on exactly six real dates in two years. And I'm counting that time we split a Grand Slam breakfast at Denny's studying for finals. The rest of the time was spent hanging out and having mediocre sex. JASON And those are dates! Wait, mediocre? ATHENA If you think that hanging out is a date, then that's your biggest problem. Also, what is the guy who has problems with commitment doing at Date Better anyway? JASON I want to grow. My mom is forcing me to do this. She thinks the reason I haven't dated anyone long term since you is I'm doing something wrong. And if I don't find a girl, she's gonna cut my inheritance off. ATHENA Really? JASON Yeah. ATHENA Well, I'll start you off. A first date at a cheesy Italian restaurant. It's barely a date. It's more like... JASON Hanging out. ATHENA Yes. JASON See, that's why I wanted you to be my consultant. You already know everything about me. We are way ahead of the game. I figure you could just tell me what's wrong with me and I'll be ready to date girls that much sooner. ATHENA Jason. JASON Sorry. Women. Women. ATHENA Fine. Fine. If you wanna do this, you have to do it right. Which means you have to make each date special. You have to court me. JASON Court you? ATHENA I know it sounds old-fashioned, but that's the way it works. It's your job to see if you can gain my trust, interest, and my respect. JASON And what's your job? ATHENA To figure out if you're sincere or full of shit. JASON Good luck. ATHENA Well, someone else should be doing this then. JASON Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no. Let me have a do-over. ATHENA A do-over? JASON Let me try again. Let me take you on a real date. Friday. ATHENA Fine. But I have days off, you know? And that's Friday and Saturday. You can have Tuesday. JASON Perfect. ATHENA Early or late shift? JASON Late. ATHENA Early. JASON Early it is. Circling back. You said mediocre. ATHENA What did I say? JASON Mediocre. ATHENA I said mediocre? JASON Sex. Do you wanna go back and edit that at all? ATHENA Lackluster. JASON That's another bad word that I don't think is... You should... ATHENA So I took your advice and I told Jason what an idiot he was. And I feel a lot better. ANSEL Good. So you won't be seeing him as a client any longer? ATHENA Oh no. We're gonna do a do-over date and he's gonna try to be a gentleman instead of an asshole. ANSEL I see you're not letting your personal feelings cloud your judgment. ATHENA Except. ANSEL Except what? ATHENA So for this job, we have alter egos, right? So I created this whole persona. You know, I'm Amy. I'm a screenwriter, I'm from the Bay Area, and I listen and I'm interested in everything you have to say. ANSEL Wow, Amy sounds like quite the catch. ATHENA But Jason knows me so I can't be Amy. ANSEL But isn't that how you dated before Amy ever existed? ATHENA Well, yeah, I did, but I didn't really like the me in college. You know, the me in college was very unsure of herself. And when Jason and I got together, well, I was just, I was flattered that he wanted to be in a relationship with me. So I let him make all the decisions and I sort of lost myself. ANSEL Athena, you can't be so hard on yourself. You're wiser now, older now. You're not that same person. ATHENA Maybe I don't know who I am right now. I feel like I'm living a double life. ANSEL Ooh. That sounds like a screenplay idea. ATHENA Ah, yes. Thank you for that reminder. If only I would get back to writing. ANSEL  Why is it that you think that you haven't written much since you moved to LA? It seems like you'd have more stories than most people. ATHENA I don't know. I feel like I have to write about something real, right? And if I wanna write about people being in love, don't I need to experience it? SHEA Oh, you are going to love him, I promise. He's so cute. ATHENA Okay. This one or this one? SHEA Ew, neither. ATHENA How do you know this guy anyway? SHEA He was auditioning for one of my videos. ATHENA Shea! He's an actor? I don't like actors. SHEA Well, how would you know? You've never dated one! Oh, get out of there. You look like a wizard. ATHENA This is yours. SHEA Well, clearly I just make it work better. Come on. ATHENA Ben says, all actors are crazy. SHEA Well, Ben obviously doesn't know what he's talking about. Male actors are just self-absorbed. ATHENA Well, what's the difference? SHEA Well, the difference is you only need to tell a male actor how good looking he is once and he'll believe you. With actresses, you have to tell them every day. ATHENA So by telling him he's cute, he won't be narcissistic anymore? SHEA Right. Just keep him away from mirrors because they love to look at themselves. ATHENA If he's so great, why aren't you going out with him? SHEA Because his friend's hotter. ATHENA Okay, I'm ready. SHEA Are you? ATHENA Aren't I? SHEA Come here. ATHENA What? What are you doing? SHEA A little bit of color on the collarbone creates the illusion of deeper cleavage. God, didn't your mother teach you anything? ATHENA Yeah, my mom was too busy trying to hide my cleavage. SHEA Oh, well that, but explain why you're so uptight. Oh! I am so good. You totally look like you have boobs. ATHENA Do I? Wow. SHEA You nervous? ATHENA No. Are you kidding? I go on five dates a week. Piece of pie! SHEA Piece of pie? Piece of pie? ATHENA Are you looking for someone? JAKE No. Just looking to see who's here. ATHENA So how's acting? JAKE Oh, it's kick-ass. I can't believe they pay me for this shit. ATHENA It's cool. JAKE Yeah, I could focus on my looks, but I like to focus on my career because acting's really important to me. So I like to focus on my career. ATHENA Oh? JAKE Oh? ATHENA Oh. JAKE Oh. It offends me to the soul to hear a robustious periwig painted fellow tear a passion to tatters! To split the ears of the groundlings who, for the most part, are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb show's noise. ATHENA Do you want me to clap? JAKE I would have such a fellow whipped for ordering termagant. It out Herod’s Herod. Pray you avoid it. That's all I have memorized. Look, I get it if you don't understand it all. I don't. ATHENA Yeah, I mean, I definitely didn't. So... Oh, yeah. JAKE Oh crap. Is that the guy from the Geico commercial? ATHENA What? The gecko? JAKE No, no, listen, I was up for that part. It was between me and him. It was a really bad hair day. ATHENA I have two cats named Macy and Foster that I breastfed until they were five. I got through it though. JAKE Cats? ATHENA Mm-hm. So my love life sucks. ANSEL And yet you help others with theirs. ATHENA Hmm. Ironic, isn't it? ANSEL I wonder if the alter ego of Amy is who you really wish you could be. You said that Amy's good at dating. If she were to give you advice, what would she say? ATHENA I don't know. Probably tell me to have more fun. ANSEL Would she say do something that scares you? Throw away your plans? That sounds... ATHENA Terrifying. ANSEL Terrifying is good. It's good. That's exactly what you should do. Just try and surprise yourself. ATHENA Surprise myself. Oh my God. ATHENA Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. DAVID I got you. DAVID You're good. ATHENA Are you okay? DAVID Yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay? ATHENA Yeah, I'm fine. I'm great. DAVID I'm David. ATHENA Athena. That is so crazy. My therapist told me to be more confident and look where that landed me, in your arms. Oh. Just so you know, I have to see a therapist. I don't need to. Not in like a court ordered kind of way, but in like a required for my job way. Oh, I don't have like anger management or anything. It's just like... It's a long story. Not that there's anything wrong with seeing a therapist. I mean, maybe you see a therapist and that is okay. No judgment at all. That's totally cool. Unless it's really bad. In that case, I hope things go better for you. DAVID Well, we all need someone to talk to. I actually do most of that with my dentist. His office is right there. ATHENA Your dentist? DAVID Yeah. SHEA So can I carry you somewhere or? ATHENA David's working late, so I'm meeting him at the restaurant. SHEA Oh damn. I wanted to look at his car. ATHENA What? Shea, I don't care about that. It's a Beemer. SHEA Nice. ATHENA How do I look? SHEA Shockingly great. ATHENA Gotta go. I'm meeting him at seven. SHEA Oh, before I forget. From my stash. ATHENA You mean mine! Do you have a date? SHEA No, I'm not going out tonight. I'm hosting a tutorial on gluten-free popsicles. ATHENA Of course you are. Thank you. Bye! ATHENA Hey. BEN Hey. ATHENA Ben. Oh my God. I completely forgot to call you. I was so busy at work. BEN You can't go to the movie? ATHENA No, I can't. I'm sorry. I have a date with David. I'm so sorry. BEN Oh. Hey, that's okay. I'll go alone tonight and I'm sure I'll wanna see it again with you so... ATHENA Seriously? BEN Yeah. ATHENA Oh, you're the best. BEN I did wanna tell you something though. ATHENA What? BEN They promoted me to writer on the show. ATHENA What? Oh my God. That is amazing! You made it. You did it just like you always said you would. BEN Well, and you're next. You just gotta finish the script. ATHENA Right. Yep. Finish the script. Okay. I'm gonna call you later. I want you to tell me everything! SHEA Congrats on the job. BEN Thank you. I'm still in shock. SHEA So what movie are you seeing? BEN The new "Star Wars." SHEA They made another one? BEN Well, technically it's the 10th, but if you include the expanded universe- SHEA They made 10 "Star Wars" movies? BEN What planet do you live on? SHEA I was gonna ask you the same thing. You are so weird. BEN So? DAVID Thank you so much. ATHENA Ugh. I've always wanted to try this place. I can't believe we're here. DAVID Oh, you've never been? Would've thought without the dating you do. ATHENA Ugh. Are you kidding? I mean, it is impossible to get a reso here. DAVID Oh, anytime. Occasionally the chef is gonna stop by. He likes to spend time at all of his locations. Have you ever been to his place in San Francisco? ATHENA Mm-mm. DAVID Oh, it's fantastic. I eat there whenever I travel up to the Bay Area for work. ATHENA I love San Francisco. I love it. DAVID Have you done Napa yet? ATHENA Well, I went to Napa once, but I don't think I've done Napa. No. DAVID Oh, we are gonna have to change that. I got some friends up there. They have a little winery. ATHENA Wow. DAVID Our main offices are based in San Francisco and Japan, so we travel to both extensively. ATHENA What? You've been to Japan? DAVID Oh, several times. ATHENA You speak Japanese? DAVID Yeah, a little bit. You know, you pick it up here and there. ATHENA All I know is arigato. DAVID I love the Japanese. They're such a generous people. SHEA Why are you up so early? ATHENA Why are you up so early? SHEA Ugh, I had to pretend to be a morning person to get my date to leave. I have a big meeting today. ATHENA Well, I'm going to my happy place before work. Do you wanna come? SHEA Are you kidding? All of those old books? They smell. ATHENA You smell. SHEA Hey, that's mine. ATHENA What's mine is yours. BARISTA Here's your refill. ATHENA Thank you. MATTHEW Amy! ATHENA Matthew! Well, this is kind of... MATTHEW Awkward. ATHENA Yes. Yes. MATTHEW Yeah. ATHENA It's just, I don't usually... MATTHEW Run into clients in your life. ATHENA Yes. I try not to. Do you come here a lot? MATTHEW Yeah. I love this place. The coffee and the vibe are amazing. And I actually just live right around the corner. ATHENA Really? MATTHEW Yeah. ATHENA Huh. MATTHEW I just really love all the random books everywhere. ATHENA Ugh. Yeah, me too. MATTHEW And I especially love... ATHENA The smell of an old book. Yes. My roommate doesn't understand that! MATTHEW Anyway, I'm gonna go sit in the apocalyptic fiction section so... ATHENA That is actually where I'm sitting. I'm right in between the old books on mysticism and "The Hunger Games" so. MATTHEW Do you want some company? ATHENA You know, I probably shouldn't, just because... MATTHEW      Oh yeah, right. ATHENA Yeah. MATTHEW Well, why don't I go sit by the math and science section. ATHENA Ooh. MATTHEW Yeah. ATHENA All right. MATTHEW You won't even know I'm here. ATHENA Okay. MATTHEW See you. ATHENA Yeah. You know, I probably shouldn't, I shouldn't do that to you. That's a boring section. I could use some company and not stare at a blank screen all day. MATTHEW Switch. ATHENA Switch. I think that one's better. MATTHEW Yeah, this is way better. So you're a writer? ATHENA Yeah. Well, most of the time. It's kind of my outlet. MATTHEW I get that. That was sports for me. ATHENA Really? I wasn't coordinated enough for sports. So my journal is what got me through long, hard nights. MATTHEW Oh. ATHENA Yeah. My mom passed when I was young. MATTHEW Oh no, I'm sorry. ATHENA That's okay. I don't know why I shared that. Yeah. So I used to write a blog. And now I am transitioning into screenwriting. MATTHEW Apocalyptic fiction? ATHENA No, romance, actually. MATTHEW Of course. I mean, you probably have a million stories, right? ATHENA Everybody says that. MATTHEW Well, you don't? ATHENA Well, I just, I'm looking for something real. MATTHEW Hm. Well, I hope to see a movie you wrote someday. You know, of course, if I ever succeed at dating, I'd have to bring a date to a rom-com. ATHENA Oh. MATTHEW You know, to maintain my street credit as a dude. ATHENA Of course, you have to remain a dude. MATTHEW Mm-hm. ATHENA Well, I think you have a bright future in dating. MATTHEW And I think your writing future is bright. ATHENA Really? MATTHEW Remember, I did take a glance at your lifeline the other day. Shall we? Hmm. Interesting. ATHENA What? MATTHEW It says you're gonna find some inspiration soon. Oh. And you're gonna find success in your scripts. ATHENA It's a little vague. MATTHEW Yeah, but... Oh. Oh no! ATHENA Uh-oh. What? MATTHEW It says you're hungry. ATHENA How did you know? ATHENA You're good at this. MATTHEW I just knew. ATHENA Wow. It's incredible. You know, you are pretty good at that. MATTHEW I did see a food truck parked outside. Cajun-Icelandic fusion. ATHENA Hmm. MATTHEW I think we have to try it. ATHENA I do love a good food truck. MATTHEW Mm-hm. ATHENA Ah, I shouldn't. Should I? Okay, but strictly professional. MATTHEW All right. ATHENA We should go. MATTHEW You know, we gotta try it. ATHENA Yeah, we gotta do it. MATTHEW Yep. ATHENA Oh! Bring that please. MATTHEW Yeah. ATHENA Yep. MATTHEW You're gonna need that. ATHENA It's like spicy and bland at the same time. MATTHEW Yep. I think that would make both cultures really proud. ATHENA You know, you're funny. I think that women, you know, and men are gonna love you. MATTHEW Just women. Nothing against dudes, but I hate sharing clothes. ATHENA Well, Matthew, I kind of have to get going. But I think for our next date, you should plan a really special evening. MATTHEW Oh, that sounds like a final test. Am I gonna be graded? ATHENA No, no, no. It's just something we do. MATTHEW Oh, okay. ATHENA Well, thank you for lunch. It was very weird, but the company was great. MATTHEW Well, I will be sure to tell Date Better to charge me for today. ATHENA You know what? It's on the house. MATTHEW Bye! ATHENA David, I've gotta let you go. I have a consultation. I know. I can't wait for them to finally meet you too. Okay. I'll see you tonight. Okay, bye. JASON Hey. ATHENA Come in. JASON Who were you just talking to? You got a shit-eating grin on your face. ATHENA No one. A client. JASON Hm. Must be some client. ATHENA Doesn't matter. Okay, let's get down to business. JASON Okay, but can we get outta here? I'm feeling all cooped up driving everywhere in this town. Doesn't anyone walk in LA? ATHENA No. JASON Can we? Come on, look at it out there. It's begging to be walked in. ATHENA What the hell? Okay. JASON Yes! ATHENA So I noticed a marked improvement in your conversation skills. You asked a lotta questions and you've listened. So that was good. And I also thought that- JASON What do women want? ATHENA What? JASON What do women really want in a guy? 'Cause I gotta tell you, all this conversation stuff, it's great. But unless I have what a woman wants, I can listen 'til my head explodes. It's not gonna get me anywhere. ATHENA Well, I don't think that's true. I think women wanna be listened to. JASON No, that's what their friends are for. What do you want in a boyfriend? Come on, Athena, I'm asking you. What do you really want in a guy? Tell me the truth. ATHENA I don't know. Honesty, sense of humor, kindness. Willing to jump into any adventure, unpredictable. And a great kisser. That's all. JASON Oh, that's all? ATHENA Yeah. I mean, some are negotiable, except for good kisser. JASON Thank you. That is really what I came to hear. ATHENA You know what? Don't tell my boss I said that. JASON Oh, my lips are sealed. ATHENA Okay. You know, Jason, since we're telling the truth, can you tell me what did you mean when you said I needed to loosen up? JASON Hey, I didn't mean that- ATHENA No, no. Tell me. JASON All right. I meant when we were in college, you spent so much time telling people what to do on your blog. How to find the perfect date, how to build the perfect relationship. But you never took your own advice. Like you wrote that men and women communicate differently and they need to listen to each other. But you never heard me when I told you I wasn't ready to live together. And you never told me you wanted to go on more dates. I honestly thought you liked watching me play Frisbee. ATHENA You know what? You're right. I should have been more honest about what I wanted. Like I didn't really want that open relationship. And I didn't want that break before it 'cause it felt a little one-sided. But I should have voiced that. I'm sorry. JASON No, no, no. I'm sorry. Maybe if I'd been more like the perfect guy you wrote about, you know, the one who says and does all the right things. I don't know. Maybe we would've made it. ATHENA You know what? I think it's a both of us problem. JASON No, like 60-40. Me to you. ATHENA You know what, Jason, for our next date, I think that you should plan and strategize to make a very special evening. JASON What, like a long-ass date? ATHENA Yeah. Yeah. Like a long-ass date. JASON All right. DAVID So I asked him for a glass of water, but apparently I used the word for sake instead! And they keep bringing it to me. And I don't wanna be rude, right? Next thing you know, I'm incredibly drunk at my Japanese boss's house the first time I met her. SHEA So funny. ATHENA Oh my God, I love that story. SHEA It's so good. BEN Did Wisdom ever tell you about the time she had too much sake? ATHENA Oh, no, no, no. You're not telling that story. No! BEN Oh yes! So we're at this sushi place... DAVID Wait, wait, wait. Why do you call her Wisdom? BEN Oh, because it's like, you know, her name. You know, Athena, the goddess of wisdom. DAVID Oh, isn't that where it's from? ATHENA Mm-hm. BEN Oh, you didn't know that? DAVID She never told me. ATHENA We never got around to it. But yes, the goddess of wisdom, that is me. SHEA Well, my father named me after a girl he had a crush on in high school. So that's flattering, right? BEN That explains so much about you. SHEA Does it? ATHENA Ah, I'm gonna go to the restroom. BEN Yeah. SHEA I will join you. ATHENA Oh, ah, David, tell Ben that story about karaoke. DAVID Oh, right, right. So as you may or may not know, karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra. So guess who showed up to karaoke in a full tux? I mean, dressed to the nines, looked great but... BEN So, um what drew you to Athena? DAVID Oh, you know, she's pretty, she's got a good body. But what I really love about her, she's just slightly insecure about herself. BEN Oh, you love that she can be insecure? DAVID Oh yeah. It's cute. Endearing, you know? I don't like bossy women. BEN Right? I hate it when they don't know their place. DAVID Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're a writer? BEN Yeah. Just got promoted actually. DAVID Oh. BEN Yeah, Athena's really talented. Have you read her stuff? DAVID Athena writes? BEN Yeah. I mean, she works at Date Better now, but, you know, she's gonna be a screenwriter someday soon. You didn't know that? DAVID She never told me. No. BEN Well, did you ever ask? ATHENA What are you guys talking about? BEN Oh, I was just telling David a little about you. DAVID Yeah. Yeah. You never told me about your writing thing. ATHENA Oh, I never got around to it. I mean, I haven't really been writing that much lately so... BEN But you just told me about a month ago that you're taking a writing class at UCLA or... SHEA Thena's been really busy. ATHENA Yeah. Yeah. I've been really busy so. BEN I just worry what David really knows about you. Like, what do you two talk about anyway? DAVID You know, we talk about everything. We talk about business, travel, Japan. Yeah. SHEA You know, it's getting late. I really think that we need to get going. I've got an early meeting tomorrow and I know Ben's just itching to get home to write about his spaceships. Ben, go home. DAVID Yeah. Yeah, I bet. BEN Yeah, I guess we should get going. SHEA Yes. BEN Hey. DAVID Oh, no, no, no. That's okay. We got this. You're our guests. SHEA Oh, that's very generous. Thank you. BEN Thanks. DAVID Yeah. BEN Athena, call me. SHEA Okay. Let's get going. We'll talk to you guys later. DAVID Yeah. Nice to meet you, Shea. SHEA Bye. Have fun! BEN Bye. DAVID Bye, Brent. ATHENA Ben. DAVID Ben! Ben! I'll get it. ATHENA Ben. DAVID Ben. ATHENA Well, that was fun. DAVID Yeah. Yeah. Did you like the food? ATHENA It was really good. DAVID Yeah. I'm glad you liked it. ATHENA I think Shea and Ben really enjoyed meeting you. DAVID Yeah. What was up with that guy? ATHENA You gotta get to know him for him to warm up so. DAVID He's in love with you is what he is. ATHENA What? DAVID Yeah. That guy cannot be more into you. All he did all night was tell cute little stories about you and then grill me like it was some sort of pissing contest about who knows you better. ATHENA You know what? It's not like that. It's just he's overprotective. He's my best friend. DAVID Athena, Trust me. I'm a guy. I know. He's in love with you. SHEA   It's been like 10 minutes. Where did they park my car? Malibu? BEN I told you to take that spot I saw on the street. SHEA That was 2 1/2 blocks away. It's not like I'm gonna walk that far in these shoes. BEN God, you're self-centered. SHEA Are you kidding? What was that back there? The Spanish Inquisition? What the hell were you doing grilling David like that? God, you're such an arrogant asshole. BEN Well, I think it's pretty clear. All the guy's done since he's met Athena is talk about himself. He's not the right guy for her. SHEA And how would you know who the right guy is? BEN Look, I've seen her through a bad relationship before and I don't wanna see her get hurt again. SHEA Well, she's happy. That's all that matters. Just let a girl get laid. God! BEN All you see is that he's wealthy and good looking. And you would think he's the perfect guy. She needs someone who actually cares about who she really is. SHEA And who would that be, Ben? Ah, thank you. Let's go. DAVID Oh, oh, oh! I was gonna get the door for you. ATHENA Oh, it's okay. DAVID Here, I can put it down. So tonight was fun? ATHENA Yeah. DAVID Yeah, yeah. ATHENA It was great. DAVID So I'll call you tomorrow? ATHENA Great. DAVID Goodnight, my goddess of wisdom. ATHENA Goodnight, David. Shea? So maybe my perfect guy isn't exactly perfect. ANSEL Well, if I had a nickel. ATHENA What am I thinking? ANSEL Sometimes people are perfect on paper, not in person. Because you can't account for things like chemistry. ATHENA Yeah. Maybe he just doesn't get me. You know what's crazy? He said that he thinks Ben is in love with me. Isn't that crazy? ANSEL So you've never seen Ben in any way other than platonic? BEN Hey! ATHENA I mean, I do have more fun with Ben than anyone else in my life. Even more than Shea. And, you know, no one takes care of me like Ben does. No one knows me better than Ben. He never lets me give up on my dreams. There's probably no one I'd rather end the night with than Ben. BEN Oh, hey, hey. I know. I know. It's okay. ANSEL Hm. ATHENA Hm what? ANSEL Nothing. Just listening. ATHENA Are you thinking that Ben might actually be in love with me? And that I'm so blind that I might be in love with him too? ANSEL Whoa. That's- ATHENA I gotta go. ANSEL Huh. I couldn't believe I  didn't see it.  I mean, this is crazy,  this whole time! I had to talk to Ben right  away and I knew one way  to make sure he  was listening.  I just had to catch him at  the right moment. BEN Who is it? ATHENA Me! BEN Wisdom. What are you doing here? ATHENA The force has arrived. You don't like it? SHEA Oh, hey, Thena. ATHENA Shea. What? ATHENA I don't... SHEA Fun outfit. ATHENA Oh wait. Are you guys... SHEA Yeah, yeah. BEN We sorta hooked up last night after dinner. SHEA Well, and this morning. BEN That's true. ATHENA Oh my God. Oh my God. SHEA I know, I know. I never saw this coming. BEN Believe me. Me neither. SHEA Well, you don't have to say it like that. BEN Well, you said it like that too. SHEA Because I was just trying to make her feel- BEN But we will not be that annoying couple people. SHEA No. BEN Hate to hang out with. SHEA No way. We're gonna have so much fun, the three of us. BEN Yes. ATHENA Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. SHEA Why don't you come in? We just ordered Chinese. Come in. There's too much. I can't eat it all. ATHENA I parked in that spot. I shouldn't... SHEA So, Athena, what do you think? ATHENA Ummmm... I think you guys are perfect. I don't know how I didn't see it before. SHEA Yeah? ATHENA Yeah. That's what you need in a relationship, right? BEN Yeah. Are you going to a costume party or... ATHENA Yeah, I'm going to a con. A con. SHEA Oh, badass! BEN Hey, what'd you wanna tell me about? ATHENA Yeah, I am breaking up with David. You were right. I mean, I got caught up in the idea of him and the idea of dating. Also he's a really in interesting kisser. So there's that. SHEA Well, Ben might be right, but you didn't have to grill David like you did last night. BEN Well, I was just saying what we were all thinking. SHEA Yeah, but you were just being rude SHEA and you're all. BEN Yeah. But obviously she's thankful now! ATHENA Oh. Okay. Enough. Enough! Please. No more. I should get going. BEN Oh. Well, let's do dinner this week. ATHENA Oh, I would, but I have a bunch of stuff for work. What about the weekend? SHEA Oh, we can't this weekend. SHEA We're gonna do Napa. BEN Yeah, we're doing Napa. SHEA I know. BEN But next weekend, definitely. ATHENA Yeah, definitely. SHEA Definitely. Bye, guys. SHEA You guys are so strange. BEN What? ATHENA Okay, so that was embarrassing. But I'm pretty sure they were too in love to notice, which was weird. But I don't know. I like them together. Ben and I could have been a thing, but I never wanted to take us out of the friend zone. And neither did he. I mean, why risk losing one of the best friendships I've ever had? I don't know what got into me. Maybe too much therapy or just the pressure of putting myself out there. MATTHEW I can't believe you've lived here for six years and you've never been to this park. ATHENA Yeah, I know. It's kind of pathetic, isn't it? Well, you've brought me here. MATTHEW I love it. It's like a small town in the middle of the biggest city in the world, you know? Look at these trees. You know, it reminds me of the east coast. ATHENA Yeah, it sort of reminds me of Chicago, actually. MATTHEW Oh, why Chicago? Is that where you're from? ATHENA Yeah, I'm from the Midwest, west of San Francisco. MATTHEW Oh. ATHENA Yeah. MATTHEW San Francisco? ATHENA Bay Area. MATTHEW Oh, got it. ATHENA Lots of hills. MATTHEW Love it there. ATHENA Me too. MATTHEW Oh, well why don't we set up shop here? That looks great. ATHENA Oh yeah. So people just like picnic here, huh? MATTHEW Yep. And every other Wednesday night, there's live music. ATHENA Wow. MATTHEW Yeah. ATHENA Matthew, this is one of the most creative, thoughtful dates I've ever been on. MATTHEW You mean out of all your clients? ATHENA Yes, of course. Yeah. Not my own life. MATTHEW Hmm. ATHENA I'm sorry. I can't. MATTHEW Are you pregnant? ATHENA Yes, I am. And it's yours. MATTHEW I mean, I haven't, we haven't even. I touched your hand the other day. You don't think that maybe... ATHENA It's all your fault, you bastard! MATTHEW Damn it! Well, we're not drinking this then. ATHENA Okay. You know what? It does look like a fancy bottle. Let me just take a look at it. Lemme just take a little glance. MATTHEW It is. It's pretty fancy. ATHENA I do love a Cab Sav. Okay, fine. Fine. MATTHEW There we go. Cheers. ATHENA Cheers. MATTHEW Well, I feel like she's gonna ask us to join a commune later. ATHENA I know, right? MATTHEW Yeah. ATHENA There's something about a lady that dances like no one's watching. MATTHEW You should put that on a sign and sell it at an art fair. She would buy it. ATHENA Ooh, she would. MATTHEW Okay, now I feel guilty. We should join her. ATHENA What? MATTHEW Come on. There's safety in numbers. She'll look less crazy. ATHENA How do you keep convincing me? Fireworks? MATTHEW It's pretty amazing, hey? ATHENA Yeah. Okay, I'm not supposed to do that. I'm sorry. MATTHEW I'm not. ATHENA You know what? I should go. Matthew, this was a great date. And you don't need to come in for another consultation because you're great at dating. You're cured! Great. MATTHEW Amy, wait! Let me walk you home. ATHENA My bag! No, I'm good. I'm gonna take an Uber. Thanks. RECEPTIONIST Better Date teaches you to be a better mate by going on a series of real dates. ATHENA Hey, Roberta. ROBERTA Hey. VALERIA Oh you done did it. ATHENA What are you talking about? VALERIE What, you haven't seen it? ATHENA Seen what? Oh, they wrote a column about us. VALERIE Yeah, yeah. With an undercover client. Guess whose client he was? ATHENA Mine? VALERIE Yeah. Yours. ATHENA What does it say? VALERIE Well, the article is pretty positive. They like us. He says that we do a good job teaching the basics of dating, encouraging creativity, and the consultation sessions are helpful. ATHENA Okay. Thank God. VALERIE Then he talks about the kiss. ATHENA What? VALERIE You kissed a client? Athena, that is so disgusting. Like, you could catch something! Like a cold sore or desperation. ATHENA I'm dead. I'm dead, right? God, have you talked to Maureen? VALERIE Oh my god. No, of course not. No, she doesn't know you're here yet. MAUREEN I was so proud when "The LA Chronicle" said that they were finally gonna write about my business. They asked me to set up my best consultant with their guy and I picked you. ATHENA Oh my God. You did? I'm really flattered. MAUREEN Don't be. ATHENA Maureen, I swear I have never done this before and I pulled away as soon as he kissed me! MAUREEN Just can it, Carter! You broke every other rule that we have here. Drinking, dancing, sharing a car. ATHENA Okay, well, parking is really a nightmare. MAUREEN How can I trust that you're not gonna do this again? What am I supposed to tell my clients when they ask if you are still working here? ATHENA I'll work as someone besides Amy. MAUREEN No. ATHENA Yes. Andrea. MAUREEN No. ATHENA Abigail. MAUREEN No. ATHENA I'll move out of the As. MAUREEN No. ATHENA Jennifer! MAUREEN Okay, well I do like the name Jennifer. I had a corgi named Jennifer. It's very cute. Very tiny legs. But no. Policy is policy. And besides, you have probably ruined business for me already. So you can just consider yourself the first of my many layoffs. SHEA You'll find another job. Or don't get one. I'll tell my dad I need an assistant and hire you. I like drinking sours on a Tuesday. ATHENA What was I doing telling other people how to date when I can't even get it right myself? I suck. SHEA Don't you dare talk about my best friend like that. ATHENA Okay, well Val did say that the phones are ringing off the hook with new clients ,because of the article. SHEA Maureen so owes you like shares in the company. ATHENA Yeah. Is Ben coming over? SHEA No. His face gets flushy when he drinks whiskey. ATHENA Oh yeah. JASON Hi. ATHENA What are you doing here? JASON It's time for our big date. Remember? ATHENA No, I don't work at Date Better anymore. JASON Oh See, I paid for the entire program and I planned this big date, so you gotta go. ATHENA No, I don't. It's not my job anymore so... JASON We've made it this far. Look, don't give up on me. Not yet. I really, really wanna do this right. Please? ATHENA Okay. Where are we going? JASON You're gonna need to change. ATHENA Oh my God! JASON That was for you! ATHENA There it is! JASON I think we end on that one! ATHENA I don't know. JASON Hey, we did it. ATHENA I'm not good at it. JASON You're doing great! ATHENA No! JASON Come on, the key is just fun. ATHENA Yeah. I still don't think I like Frisbee. JASON Yeah, I still do. ATHENA At least I'm telling you right out this time. JASON Honesty. ATHENA I haven't been up here in forever. I mean, I live in LA and it's so close, but I just forget how beautiful the ocean is. JASON Well, I remembered how much you love the beach and I wanted to do something special for you. I owe you. ATHENA You don't owe me anything. JASON Yeah, I do. I changed a lot over the last few months and that is mostly thanks to you. Taught me a lot. ATHENA Well, you've taught me a lot too. And I appreciate your honesty about us. JASON The thing is, is you really do know it all. You are so smart and you are amazing at what you do. Did, I guess. ATHENA Well, it's easier said than done. I mean, I'm not really a great date in real life. JASON I think you are. ATHENA Okay. This has been a really great day. I should tell you, a special date is really code for final date. And if that final date goes well, then the client is ready to go out into the real dating world. JASON Yeah? ATHENA Yeah. JASON Think you fixed me? ATHENA I mean, it's a tough job but someone's gonna do it. JASON Good 'cause I think I know who I wanna start dating. ATHENA You do? JASON Yeah. She's sweet, funny, smart. Doesn't know how beautiful she is. ATHENA Jason. That's really sweet, but I didn't really feel that way about you anymore. I mean, I don't think I could do that. JASON So the girl I like's name is Liz and she's from work. ATHENA Oh. JASON I actually don't think I would've had a chance to talk to her if it wasn't for you teaching me how to listen. We have the best conversations and a lot in common. ATHENA Well, I'm really happy for you. JASON Thank you. And look, I think you're gonna figure it out. You spend a lot of time helping everyone else with their issues. It's your turn now. ATHENA I think you're right. It is. Relationships are funny. Sometimes you end up with someone who's totally wrong for you and sometimes you end up with someone who's absolutely perfect for you. Maybe in Ben and Shay's case, both instances are true. And sometimes, like in my case, you end up with the person you least expect: yourself. After a lot of trial and error, I finally realized I couldn't be a great date until I figured out who I really wanna be. Who I am, which is being a screenwriter or bust. BARISTA Hey, Athena. Break's over. ATHENA Ugh. Maureen had so much business after "The LA Times" article, she opened a franchise in Orange County and two in San Francisco. She gave me stock in the company, so I'm hoping she'll go national. Val quit working at Date Better right after she got a semi-regular part on "Justice and Punishment: Cleveland." VALERIE This case is closed. ATHENA I'm even getting used to being a third wheel with Ben and Shea. They take me everywhere, ,I think to assure themselves they haven't turned into one of those couples who forgets their friends. SHEA Why did you have to wear that shirt? It's not like there are gonna be any writers here. We have to look good. What if someone takes a photo of us? BEN Well, sweetheart, if you wanted me to wear something else, you should have called me before I left my house. SHEA Well, honey, I just thought by now you've figured out the dress code. My party's nice. Your party's whatever. ATHENA Okay, so can you guys just kiss and make up? Okay. Okay. BEN That's really good BEN I think we got it. SHEA I need a few more! BEN You know, if we leave in like 10 minutes, we can catch the "Star Wars." SHEA I don't wanna see "Star Wars." How many times have I told you this? I need to do a dance with the hills behind me, okay? BEN All right. Yeah. MATTHEW Amy? Amy! ATHENA Matthew. MATTHEW Amy. Wow. Hi. ATHENA Hey, it's not Amy. It's Athena. MATTHEW Athena? Like the Greek goddess. That's cool. ATHENA So, how is reporting, Matthew? MATTHEW It's not Matthew, it's Mason. Look, they hired me as an actor to go undercover to try Date Better so they could write an article. ATHENA You're an actor? Of course. Nice to meet you, Mason. I... Goodbye. MATTHEW Wait, Amy. Amy! I mean, Athena. It's the only gig I ever booked out here. They just wanted me to act like a real guy. ATHENA That's an oxymoron. So do I even know anything about you? MATTHEW Well, I could say the same thing about you. Are you really a screenwriter from San Francisco? ATHENA None of your business, is it? MATTHEW So how's Date Better going? ATHENA Yeah, it's not good. They fired me after your article came out. MATTHEW Oh my God. Look, I am so sorry. I feel horrible. I told them not to print the part about the kiss. I was afraid that that might... I really am sorry. What we had really meant something to me. I mean, that kiss was kinda the best kiss I've had in ever. I guess I'll leave. I just want you to know that... you are an incredible person. I had a wonderful time with you. ATHENA Did you really tell them not to print it? MATTHEW Yeah, I did. But look how much that meant. ATHENA It means something to me. MATTHEW I tried to find you, but Date Better wouldn't gimme your name, the real name. ATHENA I tried to find you too. MATTHEW You did? ATHENA Yeah. But you're lucky I didn't because I was pissed. MATTHEW How about now? ATHENA I'm at a low simmer. So an actor, huh? MATTHEW Oh no, not anymore. Yeah, I wasn't very good. And to be honest, have you ever noticed actors can be really annoying? ATHENA Yeah. MATTHEW Yeah. ATHENA Sometimes. Well, you know, I should probably tell you that kiss was worth breaking the rules for. MATTHEW Kind of? Little? ATHENA And now that I think about it, spending time with you was the most me I've ever been on a date, paid or not. ATHENA So. MATTHEW Well. ATHENA It's a big compliment. MATTHEW Well, that must've been my impossible charm. ATHENA Mm. MATTHEW My quick wit? ATHENA Mm, no. MATTHEW No? ATHENA Uh-uh. MATTHEW My unpredictable nature. ATHENA Yeah, you're pretty predictable. MATTHEW I assure you I'm not. ATHENA Really? MATTHEW Yeah. Don't let this blazer fool you. I'm a wild... I will jump in this pool right now. ATHENA No, you won't. MATTHEW Yeah, I will.BI'll jump in right now. ATHENA I don't believe you. MATTHEW With my clothes on. Come on, I'll do it. ATHENA I'll jump in. MATTHEW Are you? Yeah, you're not gonna do it! MATTHEW Can I take you out on a date? Like now? ATHENA Yes, Mason. But depending on how tonight goes, I might have to rewrite my movie. MATTHEW So you really are a screenwriter in real life? ATHENA Yes, I really am. MATTHEW Gotta give it that Hollywood ending, right?