ALL BETH CATHY CHRIS CLAIRE CLARK CLARK_AND_ROSS CROWD GRACE JIM LATRELL MAN MEGAN MILES ROSS SAMANTHA TRENT WALTER WOMAN ROSS Previously on "Mind Games"... CLARK We research and deploy a psychological strategy. We change people's minds without them knowing we did it. ROSS What the hell is she doing here? MEGAN Who's that? ROSS My ex-wife. CLARK Our new office manager! CLARK Claire calms me down, Ross. She's like a magic feather. CLARK Everything -- everything in here makes me think of Beth. ROSS That was not the agreement. I paid you to just disappear. You understand? BETH That's all of it. I don't want it. I won't tell him about our deal. It would be as bad for me as it would for you. ROSS Really? Are you his brother? ROSS Ever wish you could magically change someone's mind? Get your spouse or boss to see things your way? That special someone to fall for you? What if you could not only change their minds but do it without them knowing it had happened? Well, now it's possible. Dr. Clark Edwards is a world-renowned influence and manipulation expert who can tailor a plan to influence any situation and solve any problem. With his years of experience, Dr. Clark can scientifically make your dreams come true. A free consultation provides you with all the tools you will need to get your life going in the direction you want it to go. ROSS What? It's great! CLARK I know I'm going to throw up, and I know I'm going to kill you. I just can't decide on an order. ROSS Yes, it's simple, but that is the type of message that we need -- CLARK No. Do you see that light bulb? That light bulb costs $27. LATRELL It does? CLARK Yep. ROSS Believe me -- I'm well aware of your expensive tastes. CLARK It's not about taste. It's about signaling, okay? We spent a fortune we didn't have pulling this place together, down to the last detail, in order to reassure potential clients that, while the business may sound dubious, one look at our surroundings, and they would feel confident that we were legit. And now you go off and start running an ad that looks like we're selling power crystals. MILES There actually was a pretty interesting study on power crystals. CLARK AND ROSS Miles. LATRELL I've counted $675 in light bulbs, Ross. We are a month late on the electric, and we're standing under $675 in light bulbs? MILES They're actually really inefficient bulbs, too. CLAIRE What kind of person just makes an ad and starts running it without telling anyone? ROSS The kind of person who's trying to generate business, trying to get people in so they can be mystified by these stupid light bulbs. LATRELL Then why are you running it in the middle of the night when no one's watching? ROSS Plenty of people are watching TV in the middle of the night. Our people -- people with problems, problems that keep them up worrying, wishing someone, anyone could save them. And then along comes Dr. Clark. CLARK Dr. Clark sounds like a children's dentist. MEGAN Guys, I'm not proud of it, but if I saw that ad and I was up and I was desperate, I'd probably call. ROSS Thank you. Finally, a voice of reason. CLARK No, the ads are coming down. End of discussion. ROSS Then how do you propose we tell people that we're here? CLARK We don't! It has to be a secret. They have to feel like they're discovering something -- exclusivity! ROSS How exclusive is bankruptcy? 'Cause being a secret, that's what's gonna happen. CHRIS Excuse me. Hi. I'm looking for Dr. Clark. I saw an ad. ROSS Of course you did. Come right in. CHRIS My boss -- her name is Cathy Stewart. She's been with Bellerman Consulting for over 30 years. I've been her assistant for the last two. She's sort of like having your mom for a boss, if your mom could increase overall market share and remember the names of all 437 employees and their kids. The point is, she'll do absolutely anything for the company, and people love her for it. And for that reason, she was next in line to be our CEO. CLARK But she's not gonna get it. CHRIS They suddenly got cold feet and brought in another candidate -- this young guy, Trent Hanes. He's like a handsome mannequin, but with less experience. Apparently, the board thinks his youth would send a better message to Wall Street about the direction of the company than a more experienced, meaning "old," candidate like Cathy. CLARK See? Signaling. CHRIS Anyway, what was supposed to be a done deal for Cathy is now totally up in the air. The board has formal interviews Thursday and then announces their decision. And I was up late, and I saw your ad, and I thought maybe you guys can do whatever it is you do to help make sure she gets the job. CLARK Well, it would really depend on numerous -- ROSS We can absolutely help. We specialize in exactly these kinds of cases. CHRIS I-I should warn you -- I haven't actually mentioned any of this to Cathy yet. She might be a bit skeptical you can actually do what you say. ROSS We have light bulbs for that. CHRIS I'm sorry? ROSS Chris, I'm confident that once Cathy sits down with Dr. Clark -- CLARK How would you like it if I started calling you "Mr. Ross"? Mr. Ross, can I have an apple? Mr. Ross, will you please push me on my bike? Mr. Ross -- ROSS My apologies, Dr. Edwards -- all her doubts will completely evaporate. CHRIS Great. Okay. I've got to admit, I'm a bit relieved. You see an ad like that at 2:00 in the morning, you have to expect to show up and find that the office is a couple of card tables in a strip mall. CLARK Huh. ROSS We look forward to meeting her. Wow. You see that? One ad, and "boom" -- high-profile client, big paycheck, the kind of thing that puts us on the map. Now we get a CEO and an ad talking about how Dr. Clark -- Where is Clark? CLAIRE He's in his office. Latrell's making him look at decorative compact fluorescents. Did you say hello to Beth? ROSS Oh, yeah. Hello. CLAIRE Will you tell Clark she's here? ROSS Happily. CLAIRE Okay. BETH So, anyway, it's got two flats. CLAIRE Yeah. BETH And it's summer in Kansas. And I don't know if you've ever been there in the summertime. CLAIRE No, I haven't. BETH Oh, it's so pretty. CLAIRE Aw! BETH It's -- I mean, it is. Oh, it's just -- ROSS I'm sorry, but, um, could I actually have a moment with Beth? My office? ROSS You will never pull this off. You're not built for it. You will trip up. Clark will figure it all out, you will take me down with you, and that can't happen. BETH Look, you paid me to get Clark to fall for me. You didn't say I wasn't allowed to fall for him. ROSS I felt like that was implied when we talked about you going away and never coming back. BETH Why are you so worried about me? You've got the same secret to keep. ROSS I've had a lot more practice than you. BETH Well, it's lying. I'm not learning to play the violin. I think I'll survive. ROSS You're not from Kansas. BETH What? ROSS You're from Wisconsin. BETH No, I'm from Kan-- ROSS I know you're from Wisconsin because Clark and I are from Wisconsin, and you telling Clark that you were also from Wisconsin was one of the ways that you bonded in the first place. You can't even keep your story straight in a simple conversation with Claire. You will never pull this off. CLARK Beth! BETH Hi! CLARK Hey! What's going on? BETH Ross was just telling me how happy he is that I came back. CLARK Oh. ROSS Right. Hmm. CLARK All right, let's go get my stuff, and we'll go. ROSS Whoa! You can't leave. We're right in the middle of something. CLARK Okay, we'll be in the middle of something later. We're just going to lunch. ROSS What if Chris calls? We have no idea when Cathy's gonna want to see us. Come on. This is the kind of case we've been waiting for. We need to be...preparing, not running off to lunch with our little -- BETH Yeah, yeah, if you're busy -- CLARK I'm not busy. ROSS Yes! You are! CLARK Ross, just because you have a parole officer doesn't mean you get to act like one. ROSS Well, just because your girlfriend's a child doesn't mean you get to act like one. Clark, come on. Come on. MILES I have two questions for you. One -- do you think that that guy Chris was checking me out? ROSS We have a Yoko, Miles. MILES Did I miss something? ROSS We're on the verge of our break, and we have a 22-year-old Yoko with fuzzy memories of Wisconsin. MILES Yoko Ono was from Wisconsin? ROSS No, Miles. Apparently she was from Kansas. MILES Ross, you've got to get Clark out of his office. Chris was very specific about what time Cathy could meet, and if we don't leave five minutes ago -- Okay, well -- well, never mind. We're already late. ROSS This is crazy! I'm going in. LATRELL Claire said she needed a few minutes with him, Ross. ROSS We ran out of minutes -- first Beth took them, and then Claire took them, and now we're out. What we need now is Clark. LATRELL She said not to let you in. ROSS This is your job now -- to stand here and keep everyone out? LATRELL Not everyone. Just you. ROSS Fine. LATRELL Whoa, Ross. CLARK I wanted to apologize. Uh...I do care about this business. This is an excellent opportunity, and I shouldn't have acted like it didn't matter. ROSS Okay. CLARK Beth is also very important to me. And I'm not blind. I can see that you don't like her hanging around. ROSS It's just that work demands so -- CLARK No, but that doesn't work for me. For my health and stability, I need you to find a way to accept that she's a part of my life. Can you do that for me? ROSS Of course. CLARK Great. Let's go get this job! LATRELL Right. ROSS Yeah. CLARK Miles, what do you know about CEOs? MILES Uh, according to one study, they have a higher incidence of psychopaths than any other profession. CLARK Excellent. Latrell, your job is to keep Miles from speaking during the meeting. ROSS What exactly did you say to him? CLARK Why do you want to know? ROSS Because it was obviously more effective than what I yelled, and I'd like to learn to handle these situations better. CLAIRE Or maybe you're just afraid that your ex-wife has Clark's ear, and you want to learn how to get it back ASAP. ROSS All right, forget it. I was just trying to call a truce here. CLAIRE Oh, yeah, Ross, I'd love to believe that, but, see, I learned the hard way what happens when I trust you. Not doing that again. CHRIS She's a little upset. CATHY You're late. Chris, what have I told you I want to do to people who are late? CHRIS You've asked for a trapdoor leading to a volcano. CATHY Asked repeatedly. CHRIS There have been some feasibility concerns. CATHY Oh, there you go. You owe your lives to feasibility concerns. Good morning, Grace. GRACE Good morning. ROSS Ms. Stewart, we completely understand how important -- CATHY Oh, you do? You understand what it's like to be told that 30 years' experience is great as long as you don't look like you've had more than 10? You know, John, our last CEO, was two years older than me when he took the job. But apparently, I'm aging in ways that threatens stock prices. I never thought to be embarrassed about my age until someone suggested I should be mortified about it, and now I am -- so mortified, in fact, that I find myself waiting around for an ex-con and a bipolar professor with psychological problems to save me. ROSS Ms. Stewart -- CATHY What? You didn't think I was gonna look you up? I know all your secrets. The fact that I have to ask for anyone's help, let alone yours...is embarrassing. CLARK ROSS Come on. CLARK Hi. Hello, Ms. Stewart. I'm Clark, the, uh, professor with the psychological problems. Um, we were late today because of me. That's my fault. It's one of my issues. Can I tell you what your issue is? You don't seem to understand anything about how decisions get made. CATHY Oh, is that my issue? ROSS No, no, no. What -- What he's trying to say is -- CLARK Mm-hmm. Wait. No, it is! Do you have any idea how complex the human brain is? There -- There are more connections in a cubic centimeter of your brain tissue than there are stars in the galaxy! CLARK That makes 3 pounds of galaxies between your ears. And you know what the crazy part is? Most of it's out of your control. The part that you think is you -- the part that's thinking and deciding and weighing all the evidence -- that part is so small. It's like -- It's like a mouse in the belly of a 747 that thinks he's flying the plane. Your problem is, you're telling the mouse that you deserve to be CEO. We know how to talk to the captain. CATHY I can't tell if you're calling me the mouse, the captain, or the airplane. CLARK I'm asking you if you want to win. CATHY Look around. This company has been my home for most of my life, these people -- my family. Yeah, I want to win. But you know what I want more? To lose because the other guy was better, not because someone's counting the tree rings around my face. CLARK We're not gonna let you lose. CLARK Visual aids -- part of the reason why we're late. Um...which one of these guys is better? CATHY What do you mean, "better"? CLARK Just better. Who do you like better? CATHY I don't know. I... CLARK Go. Now who's better? CATHY I don't know. I...Maybe the middle one. CLARK That is exactly what over 80% of the people exposed to this study say. When we're asked to make a decision about two very different things, your brain struggles with the problem, but as soon as you have something to compare one of the choices to, your brain interprets the favorite among those...as the overall favorite! It's called asymmetrical dominance. CATHY What does this have to do -- CLARK You're going to win because we're gonna add a third candidate to the race. CATHY You're going to give me more competition? CLARK Oh, no, no. No. No. By adding a decoy candidate who is essentially a lesser version of you, we guarantee that you compare favorably to that person. And because you win that comparison, we virtually guarantee that you win the whole race. ROSS It's fairly standard procedure. CLARK Actually, as far as I know, it's never been done under these circumstances. CLAIRE ROSS You are horrible at accepting help. CATHY Say I believe this insane idea. Where exactly do you find the decoy candidate? CLARK Claire. CLAIRE These are the people in your company who are roughly your age and roughly your experience but are still less qualified than you. CLARK Adding any of them should make the youthful candidate the outlier and you the victor via asymmetrical dominance. CATHY This is crazy! I...I know you're very smart, but, uh, maybe I should just let the chips fall where they may. CLARK But -- TRENT Cathy? I thought I told you to send me everything from the second quarter, 2011. CATHY Yes, and despite telling me instead of asking me, I did it anyway, Trent. TRENT Well, I haven't received it. CATHY Well, should I send Chris over to help you check your e-mail? TRENT The same thing happens when my mom tries to send me something. "I hit the buttons, Trent. The pictures must be stuck in the Internet." "Stuck in the Internet, Trent." That's your competition? CATHY All right, let me get this straight. You are basically looking for the next most qualified but underappreciated person at the company, somebody who's been here forever, but still isn't getting the respect they deserve. CLARK Exactly. CATHY That's easy -- Jim Clemons. And I know how good he is because I'm the one who put him in the current spot he's in. And I know he's underappreciated because I had to fight like hell to do it. CLARK You know, he really is perfect -- experienced, loyal, older, and way too boring to actually be in charge. ROSS Hmm, now you just need to make him seem sexy enough to deserve a last-minute interview. MILES According to Chris, there is one board member -- this guy, Walter Dickens -- who spearheaded the entire search. So he has the power to call Jim in all by himself. CLAIRE Yeah, but all these analyst reports and news stories -- they're all about Cathy and Trent. It's like Jim doesn't even exist. MILES If we could find someone who would at least name him as a viable contender, then we could build an inference strategy around an expert opinion. CLAIRE ROSS He was mentioned in one of these reports. This one. LATRELL No, I read that one front to back. He's not in it. ROSS What if he used to be? What if I heard somebody leaned on the analyst and had Jim's name taken out, and that's the only reason it's not here? CLARK I'm not sure I know where you're going with this, but I think I like it -- some sort of redacted-persuasion technique. ROSS I have no idea what that means, but, yes, I -- BETH I'm sorry. Am I interrupting? CLARK Beth, ohh, I'm sorry. I totally forgot to call you. We've -- We've got this big assignment. W-We're in the middle of trying to figure out -- BETH Oh, it's okay. I understand. CLARK You do? BETH Yeah. CLARK Okay, um, i-it sounds like you're talking about a combination of inference strategy and confidential elevation, which might be kind of genius. ROSS Um, yeah. The, uh -- The genius thing. That's exactly what I was suggesting. SAMANTHA Excuse me. Excuse me, miss. Miss. Uh, are you Beth Scott? BETH Yes. Who are you? SAMANTHA I'm Justine Liford. I'm a lawyer looking into an incident involving you and one of your professors -- Dr. Clark Edwards -- at the university. I think it's time that you and I had a serious discussion. SAMANTHA Beth, I'm gonna put it to you simply. You may not realize it, but you're owed a significant sum of money. BETH What are you talking about? SAMANTHA What happened at the university was wrong. You were preyed on by an older professor who abused his power and left you so distraught that, ultimately, you had to drop out, disrupting your education and leaving a lasting scar that the university is neither acknowledging or accounting for. BETH W-Wait. I'm not interested in any sort of lawsuit. SAMANTHA Well, women in your position often say that. But situations like this -- universities know they're in the wrong, and they're usually quick to settle. In my experience, cases like this are somewhere in the area of $200,000 to $300,000. Now, I know that the thought of testifying against someone that you were in a relationship with -- it scares a lot of women into silence. But things like this, where it's just so obvious you've been wronged -- they don't get that far. BETH It's not about testifying. Clark and I -- SAMANTHA You're gonna tell me you're back together with him. BETH Yes. SAMANTHA Oh, I know. It happens. Your life is so altered, and everything is so confused by the traumatic event that you end up turning to the very person that hurt you for comfort. And, yes, to be honest, before we could proceed, you would have to end that relationship. BETH Oh, I'm -- SAMANTHA Now, Beth, I'm not interested in your answer right now. This is the rest of your life we're talking about. Don't think about where you are right now. Think about where you're really headed, and then you get back to me. ALL CLARK Okay, we're about to make Jim seem like such a big deal that he goes from being a guy at the company to a guy they want to interview to run the company. The whole board is here, but the man in the corner -- Walter Dickens -- he's the one we care about. Megan, you're first up with the inference manipulation. ROSS The reporter bit. MEGAN Right. CLARK The rest of you, follow with the loss-aversion priming on my cue. MILES Did we discuss a cue? What is the cue? CLARK Ohh. Okay. CLARK No, that's bad. CLAIRE No. CLARK I'm gonna tug my ear. LATRELL That might be hard to see from across the room. CLARK It's supposed to be subtle. It's like... LATRELL What if we can't see it? What if you wipe your forehead? ROSS Wipes his forehead? He's not gonna tell you to steal second. CLARK Yeah, that's stupid. LATRELL Well, I don't know. CLAIRE I will just raise my hand and pretend like I'm waving at somebody. I'll just raise my hand. LATRELL Okay. CLARK Yeah, that's great. Don't. What are you doing? ROSS Spread out. LATRELL Let's go. ROSS Scatter. Come on. MEGAN Ms. Stewart. CATHY All right, what exactly are you and I doing? MEGAN I believe you are vesting me with authority. CATHY And how long does that take? MEGAN Just until Walter's seen it. CLARK Oh, cheese. There! No, not you. Move. Go, um, give -- give the signal. MEGAN Mr. Dickens? WALTER Yes? MEGAN Hi! I'm Tamryn Shaw. I'm doing a story on the CEO vacancy. WALTER I can't really comment on board policy. MEGAN Look, I don't need anything on the record. I'm just trying to cut through some of the rumors about Jim Clemons. WALTER Jim? MEGAN The whole Stillman Report thing. WALTER No, I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. MEGAN Well, obviously, a lot of people are talking about how Jim would be perfect for the job, but he's not being mentioned publicly. I guess that's where rumors come from. The real conspiracy theorists think it was your competition, Allied, who got his name taken out of the Stillman Report. WALTER Why would they do that? MEGAN Because they want him. But Jim's not going anywhere unless you give him a reason. So Allied paid to squash the name so you'd overlook him, and they could use the slight to pry him out of here. WALTER I can't comment, except to say that, obviously, Jim is a highly valued member of the team. Excuse me. MEGAN You're good, Walter. CLARK These are so small. Can I just keep it? CLAIRE Clark, Clark. CLARK What? CLAIRE Walter. CLARK It just makes more sense because they're -- CLAIRE No. There's Walter. CLARK Oh, yeah. Positioning is perfect. Send them in. ROSS Hey. I'm sorry to interrupt. Can -- Can I ask you a question in privacy? JIM Sure. Excuse me. ROSS Thanks. MILES ROSS It's kind of embarrassing. I, uh -- I was having this drink, and I spilled it on my shirt. JIM Oh. ROSS I mean, the whole board is here, and I don't want to look like an idiot. MILES See that guy talking to Jim Clemons? LATRELL Who is it? MILES He's a headhunter -- works with Gray and White. They deal exclusively with executives for top-10 firms. LATRELL Guess the rumors are true. MILES I heard there's at least three firms after him. LATRELL I can't believe the board would leave themselves open to being poached like that. CLARK No. CLAIRE What? CLARK No! CLAIRE What? CLARK That tall guy -- he can't be there. He'll sub-- subconsciously minimize Jim! CLAIRE Wait, wait. CLARK No, no, no. Wait, wait. CLAIRE No, no, no. MILES I'm sure they'll at least interview him. LATRELL They'd be crazy not to. CLARK Hi. I'm sorry. MILES I heard the board got his name pulled from the report themselves so he could be their surprise candidate. LATRELL That almost makes sense. CLARK Height is a form of dominance display that -- that subconsciously minimizes our subject. So just seeing you stand here between -- MAN I don't know what you're talking about. CLARK You're messing everything up, and you need to move. Is that clearer? CLAIRE Hey. CLARK Just -- just step over -- ROSS Would you excuse me for a second? I'm so sorry. JIM Sure. Yeah. You look fine. CLARK Step over here. MAN Hey, hey, hey! MAN Is there a problem here? CLARK This guy is messing up our whole strategy! CLAIRE Clark, relax. CLARK I am relaxed! Look -- hey, hey, hey! He's not listening, okay? We can't be here right now! MAN Sir, sir, I need you to leave, okay? CLARK Don't! Don't! I said don't! MAN You have to calm down, sir! Calm down! CLARK I am calm! I can go out myself, all right?! You don't need to push me! MAN You need to go out right now. CLARK Don't -- MILES We nailed it. CLARK A guy that tall is a walking dominance display. He's distracting from -- ROSS All right, let me get this straight. You -- You were worried about a distraction. You decided to solve it with a melee? Huh? CLARK I asked him politely to leave. ROSS I thought you could handle this. CLAIRE I was, Ross. ROSS It was your job. MILES Guys. ROSS What? What, Miles? MILES Behind you. ROSS Ms. Stewart. CATHY That was impressive. CLARK Ms. Stewart -- CATHY I may not understand the infinite complexities of the human mind, Dr. Edwards, but I understand that I trusted you, handed you everything that was important to me, everything that I've worked for, and you made me regret it. CLAIRE We don't know that it didn't work. MILES Do you really think that Walter was still paying attention to us after Clark started wrestling tall people? SAMANTHA Hi. I'm looking for Mr. Edwards. LATRELL Um, which one? ROSS It's fine, Latrell. I'll take this. Would you like to step into my office? ROSS So... SAMANTHA So...she didn't take the bait. ROSS She didn't believe you were a lawyer? SAMANTHA No, no, she believed. She just wasn't tempted -- at all. ROSS What kind of numbers did you throw out? SAMANTHA I was mentioning somewhere in the neighborhood of $300,000 as a settlement -- No trial, nothing. She's in love, Ross. ROSS Come on. SAMANTHA Not only was she not interested in a suit, she threatened to hire a lawyer and come after me if I did anything to hurt Clark. I would say that she's a lot closer to being your sister-in-law than she is to disappearing. ROSS Great. Well appreciate the help. SAMANTHA Oh, God -- not nearly as much as I appreciate you thinking about me. I mean, since I-I got out, I've been trying to do the right thing, really, but it's hard when your record is blemished. ROSS Believe me -- I am well aware. SAMANTHA So...I was thinking, with a job like this, you know, something where I could use what I know but stay out of trouble... ROSS I'd love to help you out, but right now, we can't even afford to pay for our light bulbs. MILES Chris just heard from Dickens' assistant. They're making plans to bring Jim in for an interview. ROSS That's great! Does Clark know? What are you doing? MILES Oh, um...I was getting, like, a high-five vibe, I thought. I don't know. It -- it -- it seemed app-- Thank you, person! SAMANTHA You see? I fit right in. ROSS Hey! You heard? This is good! CLARK Mm...we got lucky. I almost blew it. ROSS But you didn't. CLARK But I could have. ROSS CLARK Ross, I... I can't be responsible for other people's lives like this. I'm barely managing mine. I... ROSS You're the only reason the rest of us are here. Who you are makes all of this possible. CLARK Who I am is the problem. ROSS You delivered what you promised. That's what you do. That's who you are. So, some drinks get spilled. We'll get better at helping you manage that. Never lose sight of the fact that this is a win because of you, not in spite of you. Huh? Come on! CLARK Hey. Want to go get something to eat? ROSS Actually, I'd love to, but, uh, got some other messes to clean up. BETH She said she was a lawyer. She said there were legal repercussions. ROSS She wasn't a lawyer. BETH Yes, she was. Here, I have her card. ROSS Justine was with me. I hired her to talk with you. There wasn't gonna be a lawsuit. Given her history, she pretty much hates lawyers. BETH Are you kidding me? Ross, I haven't slept since that woman came over here, and the whole time, you -- ROSS Look, I needed to know if you were really here for Clark or if you had some kind of number in mind. ROSS At least if you'd been lying about being in love, we'd be speaking the same language. I have a lot of experience dealing with liars who just want money. Unfortunately, you seem to be telling the truth. BETH I am. ROSS Well, the truth isn't going to fix your backstory and the one that we created for you, gave you to get close to Clark, wasn't built to last. And, obviously, you're already slipping up. BETH Okay, so, what do we do? ROSS We figure out the lies you've told. We marry them to enough real details from your background so you don't forget under pressure. BETH And you're going to teach me to do all of that? ROSS I'll teach you what there is to teach. BETH What does that mean? ROSS It means that lies are like boomerangs. You throw them out as hard and as far as you possibly can. But, eventually, they always come back. When they do, you just hope that the people that are around want to give you the benefit of the doubt. I will give you a good story. But eventually, if you really want to make it, you're gonna have to make everybody love and trust you just as much as Clark does. ROSS So, this was in high school? BETH No, junior high. Why? Does it not work? ROSS No, it's fine. The stories should be true when they can be. You just have to make sure that they connect up to the lies. Okay, now, I-I'm curious, actually. Now, what did the coach do to you? BETH Oh, he confiscated the whole bag, and then we never heard about it again. ROSS Of course he did! That's what they do. BETH ROSS Typical. Unbelievable. CLARK Hey. ROSS Hey! CLARK What's...What's going on? ROSS Uh...nothing. Uh Beth and I, um...well, we kind of got off on the wrong foot, thought we'd take a moment to sort of get to know each other a little better. I'm actually gonna head out, so I will leave you two lovebirds on your own. Beth, I enjoyed the chat. BETH Me too. ROSS You. CLARK Oh, God. Hey. Hold on. One sec. Hey. ROSS CLARK Hey. I really...It means a lot to see you doing this. I really -- I appreciate it. ROSS It's no big deal. I was on my way home. ROSS They officially offered our decoy candidate, Jim, the opportunity to interview for CEO. CLARK Yeah, Cathy's as good as in. We already knew that. ROSS He turned them down. MILES Cathy just sat down with Jim herself. He says he knows he's not gonna win against her and Trent. He doesn't want to put himself and his family through the entire process for a hopeless cause. CLARK We don't have time to trump up another candidate. Our only chance is to convince Jim that he's actually got a shot at winning this. LATRELL But you handpicked him because he has no chance of winning. ROSS What kind of person doesn't want to be the boss? LATRELL The kind who's smart enough to know they're never gonna get the job. ROSS There you go -- you dumb him down a little, and you're home free. CLARK That's actually a brilliant idea. LATRELL Was it actually an idea? CLARK We're gonna need a very attractive female. LATRELL Megan. CLARK Older. Someone with gravity. ROSS Actually, I might know just the person. ROSS You understand -- this is a one-off deal. That's -- SAMANTHA Can you please stop focusing on firing me before I've even done anything? CLARK This her? ROSS Clark, this is Samantha Gordon. SAMANTHA CLARK Are you ovulating? SAMANTHA Um, that's a new one. CLARK It would really help if you were ovulating. SAMANTHA You know, it occurs to me that you might have been a bit vague about what exactly you wanted me to do. CLARK Just put that on, and I'll explain on the way. ROSS You'll see -- It'll have something to do with science. CLARK The human brain is essentially two parts -- the basal ganglia, which is the most primitive one and guides your most primal, impulsive instincts, then the prefrontal cortex, which is most recently evolved and is responsible for your consciousness and reasoning. Trick is -- primitive one's driving the bus. But the higher-functioning part, it can offer advice, opinions, cautions. But the primitive one makes the final call on whatever we're going to do. So if we aim our approach at Jim's most basic instinct while quieting his higher brain, he should do exactly what we ask him to. CLARK The sexual instinct is the strongest and most primal one we face. In the presence of an attractive female, men immediately experience a boost in testosterone and find themselves driven to more thoughtless, risky behavior. That's why I asked if you were ovulating. It exacerbates this behavior. The color red signals a sexual display and demands one in return, compelling Jim to try to be impressive. CLARK You'll introduce yourself as an executive salary-negotiation specialist, which will imbue you with expert authority. MILES Our reasoning centers have been shown to largely turn off when we're told we're listening to an expert. We simply take in what they're saying without regards to risk. SAMANTHA Yeah, I'm getting a pretty good sense of how that works. SAMANTHA We've done our homework, Jim, and you are a genuine diamond in the rough. JIM Oh, well, I'm sorry. I-I don't see it. SAMANTHA Well, that modesty is what makes people love you, Jim. JIM Oh. SAMANTHA If I didn't think that you could actually win, I wouldn't be wasting my time. CLARK Wait! There's one more strategy that we want you to employ -- rhyming. SAMANTHA Rhyming? CLARK In study after study, when information is presented in the form of a rhyme, it boosts processing fluency and is -- is judged to be more accurate and persuasive. SAMANTHA Do you seriously want me to rhyme in a business meeting? CLARK Yes. MILES There were over 100 days of expert testimony in the O.J. Simpson trial, all of which was trumped by the most persuasive rhyme in history -- "If it doesn't fit..." SAMANTHA "You must acquit." CLARK Trust me. This is gonna work. SAMANTHA The thing is, Jim, the bold end up with the gold. JIM Yes. Y-Y-You keep saying that. SAMANTHA So show them that's you. Let people see that you're a real leader. You're the kind of person this company needs. You're the kind of person this company deserves. JIM No, I -- it's just never gonna happen. Uh, between Cathy and Trent? I'm -- I'm sorry, but I don't want to put myself and my family through something like this when I know there's no way they're gonna take me over them. Look, I really appreciate the -- the visit, but I don't want to waste any more of your time. I -- SAMANTHA You know what, Jim? You know what? You're right. You can't win. Both those other candidates are stronger, and one of them is absolutely gonna be the next CEO. But here's the thing -- It doesn't matter. You are gonna be a different person just for interviewing for the job, and having been a candidate for the top job is something that a person like me can use to get you a 30% bump to stay right where you are the next time your contract is up. You don't have to win. You just...have to be in...Jim. SAMANTHA Hey. Hey, guys, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. It wasn't working. I had to go with something else. MILES Confidence priming has been shown to be far more effective than lose-win scenarios. That's why we drew it up that way. CLARK It's -- It's not always an immediate effect. You should have let him sit with it for a while. SAMANTHA Okay, look, I'm -- I'm no scientist, but I've developed a pretty keen eye for knowing when someone's gonna take the bait, and Jim wasn't biting. I-I don't know, like, the technical term for it, but I do know that dollar signs let you point someone in the direction that you want them to go. So, Jim knew that he was gonna lose. Instead of fighting it, I just convinced him that losing still got him paid. I-I-I did use a rhyme, if that is worth anything. CLARK Yes, yes. SAMANTHA I mean... CLARK Uh, thank you for your help. Hey, we'll see you back at the -- at the office, okay? SAMANTHA Oh, come on. You'd have done the same thing. And it's still gonna work. I'm telling you, if you just give me a chance, I really -- ROSS I told you -- I shouldn't be writing you this check as it is. SAMANTHA It's not about the money to me, Ross. Look, I'm trying to be a good girl -- just looking for a lifeline here. ROSS When something changes -- SAMANTHA Yeah, yeah. SAMANTHA I know how this part goes. SAMANTHA Hello. Really? Ahh, no, no. No. No. I-I actually think that's a really smart decision, Jim. Yeah, you know what? I'm, um...I'm actually in the middle of a negotiation right now, so can I call you back? Great, great. Thanks. SAMANTHA He wants the interview, wanted to talk about what sort of salary demands to make when he came up again. I just won your case. You're welcome. ROSS Sam, why are you being this way? I told you when you did it that it was a one-time thing. SAMANTHA But on the bright side, it's nice to finally walk out of a meeting where I don't get the job and feel like it's because the other person is an idiot. ROSS You sure that's a good idea? CLARK Caffeine actually increases the speed at which you process sensory information. You think, act, talk faster. ROSS Somebody gave you the impression you talk too slowly. MILES She got it?! She got it! Chris just called! Cathy -- ROSS Got the job. We put it together. MILES Yeah! Mm! Come on! I didn't play sports. This is what I have. Yeah! CATHY I don't really know what to say. CLARK Well, it was really asymmetrical dominance. CATHY Brains, planes, mice, asymmet-- whatever. You did it...all of you. CATHY It means more to me than you can know. Thank you. CATHY Chris, did we get the champagne? CHRIS Uh, I'm sorry. There's a problem. CATHY What? CHRIS It's Jim. They're letting him go. ROSS What? CHRIS A-Apparently, they discovered some inconsistencies in his background -- lies about his education and the first couple jobs. MILES That's why he didn't want to interview. LATRELL Until we pushed him into it. CLARK Look, this can't -- You -- You -- We -- We -- We chose this strategy, rather than attacking your opponent, specifically because we didn't want anyone getting hurt while delivering you the job. Ms. Stewart, you -- you -- you have -- you have to go say something. You have to go tell them that -- CATHY I already have. ROSS You knew? CATHY I was informed this morning. I urged them to reconsider. ROSS Urged them? You're the new CEO. CATHY No, it's more complicated than that. He did lie. There are issues of legal liabilities. Without a degree, he -- ROSS Stop, stop. Listen to yourself. You don't even believe what you're saying. You know where I'd be if people still focused on what I did instead of what I'm doing? Jim is your guy. You didn't fight for him to get promoted because of his résumé. You fought for him because you knew that he was damn good at his job. CATHY Yes, but what ha-- ROSS Cathy, I know how much you want this, how hard you've worked for it, but this isn't the way you want it. You know Jim, really know Jim, and if you don't stand up for him, then who will? And if that is the person that you have to become in order to get this job, you're not winning anything. You're losing everything. WOMAN Ms. Stewart, the board is waiting for you. ROSS Don't let them do this to Jim or to you. CATHY I'm sorry. I need to go. ROSS WALTER After an exhaustive and thorough search, it gives me great pleasure to introduce the person we feel has all the tools to lead this company to new levels of prosperity and success. Ladies and gentlemen, the new CEO of Bellerman Consulting, Mr. Trent Hanes! CROWD WALTER Congratulations. CLARK I don't understand. You were fired? CATHY I believe they regretfully accepted my resignation after I explained that if they didn't keep Jim, they wouldn't be keeping me. CLAIRE That's not right. There are legal remedies we could look into. CATHY No, no, no, no, no. Once I locked eyes with that corner office, I got away from myself. I lost sight of who I was. ROSS I'm sorry. CATHY I thought I would be, too, but I actually felt better turning in my security badge than I did when they asked me to be CEO. And it turns out that saying no to a job you've worked your whole life for -- apparently, it gives people the impression you're a bit of a maverick. Some bunch of college dropouts called me from Silicon Valley practically begging me to run their company for them. ROSS What? CLAIRE CATHY Turns out that an older woman who not only has experience, but isn't afraid to buck convention happens to be exactly what they need to make themselves legitimate. And since none of them have degrees, they didn't blink when I mentioned bringing Jim with me. CLARK Oh, that's great. CATHY Working with you guys has reminded me that there's something nice about being surrounded by people who are young and hungry. ROSS ROSS So, technically, we got you two jobs. CATHY Yeah, but I'm still only gonna pay you once. MILES We should celebrate. MEGAN Yes! ROSS Drinks are on Miles! ALL ALL ROSS Let me get another shot. Ah, that's a good band. Thanks. Oh, thanks. CLAIRE Hi. ROSS Hey. CLAIRE So, uh, too late to say I'm sorry? ROSS For? CLAIRE Hmm. Can it, uh, be a blanket apology, just covers everything? ROSS I have issued a lot of those. CLAIRE Yes, you have. What you said to Cathy, Ross -- I was surprised. ROSS Why? CLAIRE Well, the Ross that went to jail he didn't seem like the type to trumpet the value of relationships over money. ROSS That Ross occasionally got confused, ended up with a lot of time alone to think about it. CLAIRE Whoo! ROSS Hey, you know, I, uh -- I've been meaning to tell you that when Clark gets worked up, there's, uh, a trick I used to use that I thought you may find handy. Doesn't always work, but -- WOMAN Hey! I know you! ROSS I don't think so. WOMAN Yeah, yeah. You're Beth's friend, right? I live next door -- or I did. You borrowed a phone charger a few months back. Ross, right? ROSS No, you got me mixed up with somebody else. I don't know you. I don't know. Claire, Claire, wait. WOMAN Did I say something? What happened? ROSS Wait a second. Wait a second. Look, she's crazy, that girl. I don't know who she -- CLAIRE She knew your name. She knew your name, Ross. And a week ago, I was standing there when you claimed you met Beth for the first time in the lobby. ROSS Okay, okay. Look... CLAIRE ROSS The truth is that when I found out that Clark was dating a student, I was worried, so I went down to the campus just to check things out -- that's all. CLAIRE That's good. That's good. No, that's very good. That's very believable. You are like singularly talented at saying things that are just indistinguishable from the truth. ROSS CLAIRE I'm not listening anymore. ROSS Claire -- CLAIRE No. And you know what the worst part is? The worst part is, is that I knew it. I knew in my gut that this would happen. But for one second, I thought you had changed. ROSS Look, don't leave, okay? Everybody's waiting for us. What am I supposed to tell them? CLAIRE Just...make something up. They won't know what hit them. ROSS