APPLE APPLE_ONION CHOCOLATE_CHIP_COOKIE DRY_OATMEAL FALAFEL KEBAB MAPLE_SYRUP ONION POUTINE STREET_DOG WATER_BOTTLE ONION Settle down Tummy-on. APPLE Get ready to eat dimwit! ONION What did you just call me?! APPLE I didn’t know ‘dimwit’ was a bad thing. ONION Well then-- how did you just...how did-- I didn’t even say it was a bad thing. So you knew it was a bad thing! ‘Cause I didn’t even tell you that. APPLE It's true. ONION Well, anyway, why are you only holding a tiny little bag that doesn’t look like a whole month’s worth of groceries. APPLE Because I’ve discovered something amazing. And do you know what that is? That you can get all the nutrition that you need from loads of groceries from this one thing I got. ONION What’s the thing? APPLE A sandwich! APPLE It’s so nutrient and calorie dense that if we just take one bite each, they said it was gonna fill you up for the whole day so if we take one bite every day that’ll be it for the month. It was expensive though, I spent all of the money on it. ONION This is a disaster!!! ONION Gimmie that. Woooooooooaaah. APPLE Woooooooaaaaaah. ONION I am actually so full. APPLE See, I told you, because they can’t make that kind of claim in a supermarket, that ‘it will fill you up’ and it doesn’t. It’s against the law. ONION It’s not against the law. APPLE Alright anyway. We’re done for the day. We’ve eaten for the day now. ONION I was completely and utterly wrong to doubt you. ONION What’s this? “This sandwich must be refrigerated within one day of purchase or it will expire immediately.” APPLE Not a problem for us moderners because we’ve got a fridge. ONION What? Why isn’t our fridge working properly. APPLE I’ll fix it using the trusted “bang-on-it-as-hard-as-you-can” method. ONION Why are you taking a run-up! APPLE aaaah! APPLE Urgh I broke it. APPLE Do you know why though? Because I just got the name of the method wrong. It’s just ‘bang-on-it” method, not “as-hard-as-you-can”. But it would’ve worked. ONION Never mind we’ll use our landlord who lives downstairs, Falafel’s fridge! FALAFEL No! APPLE Has Falafel got microphones in our house or something? APPLE Falafel can you hear this? Falafel? ONION No, I don’t think he’s got them. APPLE Falafel smells. FALAFEL hey! APPLE He’s got microphones in here! FALAFEL Err-I mean...nothing! APPLE Oh, nevermind, he hasn’t. ONION Well I for one, want to eat more than once for this whole month. So let’s find a solution to this problem. APPLE Mmmm, I found the solution! APPLE Waiter! We want one glass of water, with ice hold the water and add more ice. And bring us a take-out box so we can put the ice in it and leave. Please. KEBAB get out! APPLE I’ve already got another idea anyway. CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE I thought this was the frozen pizza section. ONION No it’s the frozen vegetable section. APPLE Yeah, talking fruit and vegetables...section. APPLE Haha, like the cartoons. POUTINE Brie, I love you and I’m just so excited to spend the rest of my life with you and- in front of all of our family and friends, this is the most magical day of my life. And nothing can ever ruin this. And now let’s look in the direction of that sawing sound so we can find out what it is. ONION APPLE Now all we need is a piece of string to tie our sandwich to it. APPLE Onion everyone’s looking at us put it back on. APPLE Excuse me, can we go on your ice rink please? MAPLE SYRUP Sorry it’s only for people who are on the ice hockey team. APPLE Okay then can we be on your team? MAPLE SYRUP Do you have any uh ice hockey experience, eh? APPLE No. MAPLE SYRUP Then you can’t be on the team. APPLE Ok then yes. MAPLE SYRUP Congratulations, you’re on the team. APPLE Press it down on the ice...yeah! ONION Yeah, nice and pressy! ONION Oh! ONION “One free bag of ice.” DRY OATMEAL AAAHHH! ONION “When you spend one thousand dollars in store.” APPLE It's gonna be rice anyway. APPLE/ONION Aaaah! ONION Oh no, it’s gonna go off soon! STREET DOG Hey! STREET DOG -You guys need something from my completely legit street sale? Come take a look! Come take a look! STREET DOG Anything tickle your fancy? APPLE A cooler bag with a pre-frozen ice pack! ONION Unfortunately we don’t have any money. STREET DOG Well fortunately for you I’m a bartering man. I’m willing to make you a trade. What you got? What you got? APPLE Oh we got this wicked sandwich that can keep you full for a whole month- What about that? ONION Apple! That’s the whole point what we’re trying to--w- wa-ar- APPLE Alright alright I get it, I get it I get it I get it. Relax. APPLE Yeah, relax. Reeeelax. Shhhhh. Shhhhhhhh. Shhhhh. Relax, okay. You feeling okay now? APPLE Okay Street Dog. We don’t have anything apart from our shoes and socks. STREET DOG Great! APPLE Oh! Okay. Go on Onion. ONION APPLE Okay okay okay okay, okay, I’ll do it. I’ll do it. APPLE It was my idea. I’m the one that should be sacrificing now, yes, I understand. OK. Take my shoes! STREET DOG Mmhm mmhm okay... STREET DOG Here you go! APPLE This is just the strap. But I gave you my shoes! STREET DOG And the scales say they’re worth... a strap. APPLE Okay okay okay, it was my idea. It was my dimwitted idea. Okay. APPLE Here take my socks. STREET DOG Mmhm mmhm... STREET DOG Here you go. APPLE You seriously just took the clips off the bag just to give us that. Okay Onion give him your shoes and socks. ONION APPLE Onion, relax again. Do you want to eat or do you want us to starve for a whole month? Shhh. Give him your shoes and socks. STREET DOG Okay, nice, here’s the bag- without the ice pack. APPLE ONION Whaaaat?! STREET DOG You want the ice pack? I’ll need more weight. ONION But all we got left is my glasses! STREET DOG Okay. ONION Fine, but I’m keeping the lenses so I can see. ONION I’m just gonna have to do this from now on. APPLE Haha! Can I do it as well? Naw actually I’m not gonna do it so that I still have the use of my arms. ONION I don’t care about this anymore I’m just gonna starve. APPLE I know how we can add more weight! ONION APPLE Don’t worry I’m doing mine as well. I’m fair. You got any scissors? STREET DOG Here’s the ice pack! APPLE whoooooo! ONION I have an idea. STREET DOG Wow! That’s so much weight, choose anything you want! Choose anything you want! ONION Alright well this buys us some time but soon the ice will melt and we’re gonna need some more. Now where will we find more ice for free? APPLE ONION Not free. APPLE ONION Expensive APPLE Penguin igloos? APPLE ONION Free ice! WATER BOTTLE Hey you guys done? I gotta, I gotta get to the err- the fire. APPLE Yeah we’re done, and if there’s people in that building make sure you tell them thanks from us please. ONION Not long until this melts so let’s begin our ascent. APPLE we’ll start in 1..2..3..4. APPLE ONION arrrrggghhhhhhhhhh. APPLE ONION left, right, left, right, left, right. APPLE whoo! ONION Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! APPLE While I relax! While I relax! And then- APPLE Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! ONION While I relax! In a bed! Woo! APPLE ONION mountain goats are the best form of transport when you’re traveling up a mountain. ONION Mountain goats are the best form of transport- APPLE When you're traveling up a mountain! Wait! My one's marching on the spot. How long has it been marching on the spot for!? ONION i’m almost at the top! i’m almost at the top! give me the sandwich and i’ll put it in the ice. APPLE the ice pack’s melted! it’s nearly at, it’s nearly at the point of no return! ugh! ONION Apple!? Apple!! Throw it up here it's the only chance we got! APPLE Rrrrrr!!! AAHHHHH!! ONION APPLE ONION We saved the sandwich. APPLE Well, great. Now we’re gonna have to stay up here for a month cause even if we put snow or ice or whatever into the erm bag it’s gonna melt by the time we get down. ONION So- what? We’re staying up here for the whole month? APPLE Yeah but we can eat. ONION I suppose. ONION What happens when you leave everything you know behind. When you swap the colors and the lights of the city for the blinding whites and the pitch black nights of the mountain wilderness. APPLE Yeah what happens? FALAFEL Yes what happens? APPLE Falafel! How’s he in this? ONION Maybe he’s got another microphone in our shoe or something. APPLE Falafel, can you hear us? Falafel. Falafel smells so bad. Falafel smells so bad that even going to the toilet is - is not as bad. FALAFEL Hey! APPLE ONION Ahh! We got you! We’re calling the police. FALAFEL No, no I mean nothing! APPLE Yeah right you did that last time, mate. FALAFEL Okay, I fix your fridge. APPLE Alright fine. APPLE Wait a second, we were up a mountain this whole time and you knew and you didn't help us! FALAFEL Heh heh heh heh