AMANDA BARTENDER BILL BLACK CROWD EDDIE EMPLOYEES ENRICO ENRICO_COLANTONI ERICA HARVEY JUDGE KEVIN LESTER PELLEGRINI REYNOLDS RICK SAMANTHA SMITH SONG_LYRICS STUART TED TIKTOKER UMP TED Previously, on �Suits �L.A.��. You swore that you would testify against Pellegrini, who�s the most brutal mob boss that this city has ever seen! You�re under arrest... KEVIN Get up! TED (cont�d) ...for the murder of Billy Esposito! I got you now, Pellegrini. Did you know my father made Stuart the executor of his will? SAMANTHA No, I didn�t. RICK When did Ted�s father die? STUART Two weeks ago. RICK Did either of you know what was happening when you cut him out of the merger? SAMANTHA/STUART No. SMITH I�ve got a coroner�s report inconsistent with suicide and a line around the block of people begging to testify that Lester Thompson�s love language is lying. LESTER A few months ago, I found out Simon had funneled half a million dollars out of the production into his personal account. Every time I submitted the movie�s expenses to the studio, I kept some receipts out of the stack. TED If this prosecutor finds out that he was stealing money, she is not going to care if he put some of it back or not. AMANDA What�re you doin� here, Elizabeth? SMITH If you don�t wanna get your bleeding heart broken again, I suggest you not get involved in the Lester Thompson case. AMANDA If Ted ever asks for my help, I am gonna come running. SAMANTHA Just the man I wanted to see. RICK What do you need? SAMANTHA Are you by chance a �Veronica Mars� fan? RICK Are you kidding me? I�ve had a crush on Kristen Bell since... You don�t need to know that. (sighs) Where were we? SAMANTHA Well, (sighs) the man who plays her father-- RICK Oh, Enrico Colantoni? �Galaxy Quest�, �Just Shoot Me�, �English Teacher�, need I go on? SAMANTHA Please don�t. RICK Need me to get him an audition? SAMANTHA I need you to get him out of jail. RICK What�d he get arrested for? Being too awesome? SAMANTHA He carved a... sculpture into his neighbor�s hedge. RICK That�s a crime? Oh. Is that a...? SAMANTHA You know what it is. RICK Indeed! I do. You know I�m not a criminal attorney, right? SAMANTHA You�re not, but... RICK Oh, I get it. You want Stuart and I to work on this together. SAMANTHA I do. Stuart�s bedside manner isn�t the best. Rico�s important to me, he�s particular. RICK �Particular�? SAMANTHA Let�s just say he�s not the easy-going character he plays on screen. RICK He is versatile. TED See, I don�t care (laughs) if it�s Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling, or the corpse of Ryan O�Neal, you are not getting any of them if you shoot this in Bulgaria. And before you say Budapest, it�s the same thing. ERICA (laughs) TED Oh, new ride. ERICA Just a lil� summin�-summin�. TED Yeah? I pay you too much. ERICA You pay you too much. TED What I pay me is none of my business. That�s etched in stone. ERICA Words to live by. But we have a problem. TED Did you make another associate throw up? ERICA Hey, if you wanna get paid a dollar a slice, you better be able to keep it down. TED I see you�re really growing as a leader. ERICA Ted, I�m not kidding. (sighs) I got a call this morning, the studio is taking Lester�s name off his film. TED That doesn�t sound like a problem, that sounds like you need to tear their general counsel to shreds. ERICA That�s the thing, they�re not using their in-house counsel. TED Well, who are they using? Are they using Myman Greenspan? ERICA Railsback Lane. TED (sighs) Rick or Samantha? ERICA Samantha. TED Okay, I will take care of it. ERICA Hold on there, tiger. I didn�t tell you so you could take care of it, I told you because I figured you�d wanna know. TED But now I do know and I want in. ERICA Hey, you wanna ride shotgun, fine by me. But two conditions: one, keep your mouth shut, and two, keep your mouth shut. TED That�s not two-- ERICA Keep your mouth shut! TED (sighs) STUART No. RICK What do you mean, �no�? STUART You�ve got that �I want you to do something for me� look on your face. RICK You didn�t even look at me! A client�s been arrested for vandalism. STUART And my plate happens to be full this morning. RICK It�s important to Samantha. STUART Yet she sent you. RICK Meaning? STUART If you want me to do this, I want something in return. RICK Well that doesn�t seem very fair. STUART Nevertheless, any one of fifteen other lawyers here can help you with this. RICK (sighs) STUART So you know what it�s gonna take. RICK No. (sighs) Friday night Dungeons and Dinosaurs at your house. STUART For the hundredth time, it�s Dungeons and Dragons. How hard it that? RICK Well, for a twelve-year-old, it�s not very hard. STUART You want my help, you�ll be there. RICK Am I supposed to wear a costume? �Cause I�m not doin� that. STUART Yeah you are. �Cause if you�re gonna have that kinda attitude, you might as well not even come. RICK Fine. Wizard�s hat and I�m drawing the line. STUART (sighs) He sucks the joy out of everything. ERICA Samantha, Erica Rollins. Pleasure to finally meet you. SAMANTHA Right back at you. I�ve heard nothing but great things. Even if you did turn down our offer. TED Okay, that�s enough. We know it was your idea to take Lester�s name off the film. ERICA Really? Four seconds in. TED You said hello, I�m saying it in my own way. SAMANTHA And let me say top of the morning to you. ERICA What�s that? SAMANTHA For the record, it wasn�t my idea. But that�s not gonna stop me from doing what my client wants. ERICA I don�t care what your client �wants�, this is Lester�s film. SAMANTHA It was, until he violated his morality clause when he... what was it he did again? Oh yeah. When he shot the other producer in the head. ERICA Put an �allegedly� on the end of that sentence or you are slandering my client. TED And try to invoke this clause, by the time that we are done suing you, Lester will own the whole damn movie. SAMANTHA "You�re right. If we go to court, you�ll win. But you know what else is going to happen? Every skeleton in Lester�s closet will come out right before his murder trial. And what do you think that�s gonna do to your jury pool?" STUART Listen, ass wipe.(cont�d) I�m not your entertainment lawyer, I�m not your servant, or your friend�(cont�d) ...I�m here to get your sorry ass outta hot water. ENRICO COLANTONI How dare you talk to me...(cont�d) ...like that, I was in �Galaxy Quest�! STUART Yeah, so was Sigourney Weaver. ENRICO COLANTONI Oh please, she had one job...(cont�d) ...to do. Did she have to play an alien?! No! STUART She was possessed in �Ghost Busters�! ENRICO COLANTONI Okay, she was good...(cont�d) ...she was good in that. STUART She�s not sitting here right now, you are, because you carved...(cont�d) ...a penis into your neighbor�s rhododendron. ENRICO COLANTONI First of all, it wasn�t just a penis, it was the full package. Second of all, it was petunias...(cont�d) ...and most importantly: I told you, I didn�t do this. STUART Let�s you and I drop the pretense. You did this, and it should be a vandalism� (cont�d) ...charge, but since you were dumb enough to use a chainsaw, it�s criminal trespassing�(cont�d) ...which puts you behind bars for three years. So you�re gonna come clean with me, right now. ENRICO COLANTONI Look, I�m sorry� (cont�d) ...okay? I told you I, I know what it looks like. (cont�d) But I didn�t do this. STUART I believe you. TED Hey, what kinda place is this? I still got a quarter of a bite left of my pastrami on rye! EDDIE Take it up with management, pal! I�m busy here. (laughs) I love when we do that. TED (laughs) EDDIE (laughs) PELLEGRINI Look at this. Small world. Teddy Black, friendly neighborhood prosecutor, as I live and breathe. TED Eddie, why don�t you go clock out, buddy? What in the hell do you think that you�re doing? You�re threatening my brother?! PELLEGRINI Relax, Teddy, we don�t go after family, you know that. TED No, you just bribed my father to get him to offer me a job. PELLEGRINI I was doing you a favor and you should�ve taken it. Corporate law, a lot safer. TED (sighs) If you think that intimidation is gonna stop me from putting you away, you have no idea who you�re dealing with. PELLEGRINI And you think you�re putting me anywhere, you�re the one who doesn�t know who they�re dealing with. EDDIE Teddy, I wanna go. PELLEGRINI Looks like your brother�s upset. By the way, shame about Billy Esposito. Terrible way to go. You two boys have yourselves a nice day. ERICA What�s that? TED Oh, it�s, uh... nothing. What do you need? ERICA Lester Thompson�s coming in at two o�clock. You think of what you�re gonna tell him yet? TED I thought this was your matter? I was supposed to keep my mouth shut. ERICA And I was supposed to be five-eight, but you can�t keep your mouth shut and I�m only five-five, so, you�re it. TED Listen, the only way to get Lester to take his name off this movie is to put him into a corner and then show him the way out. So one of us needs to push him into a corner and the other one needs to show him the way out. ERICA Ooh, are you talking �good cop, bad cop�? TED I wouldn�t exactly call it that. ERICA Call it that or I�m not doing it. TED No. ERICA Then I�m not doing it. TED Good cop, bad cop it is. ERICA Yes... Then Lester Thompson better watch out, �cause he�s about to get... Terica�d. TED Nuh-huh. Hey, we�re not doin� that! We�re not doing that. STUART One question, one question only: did you know? RICK Did I know what? STUART What Rico Colantoni carved into that hedge? RICK I have no idea. What did he carve? Banana? STUART You think this is funny? RICK Yeah I think it�s funny, I worked all morning on this! STUART (laughs) You�re right, it�s hysterical. But in the future, don�t send me in without all the information. RICK Copy that. Next time, I�ll make sure you have the... full package. STUART Just to be clear, this is the full package. RICK Well this isn�t good. STUART No, it isn�t. I knew he was lyin� about doin� it, now he�s gonna lie about why he did it. RICK How do you know? STUART Because people who commit crimes always lie. There�s somethin� at the root of this, and the only way to get to it is to bully him into admitting it. RICK Are you saying what I think you�re saying? STUART Yes. Good cop... RICK ...bad cop. This is awesome. Can I be bad cop? STUART No. RICK Why not? STUART Because you don�t have the apples. You know what, I�m sorry, I thought I could do this... I can�t. RICK I can. No, I can�t, this is terrible. LESTER I am not taking... TED If we take this to court, your chances of being convicted go through the roof. LESTER What�re you talking about? TED It�s a morality clause. Things that are inadmissible in a murder trial will be put on display here. If we fight this, every shady thing that you�ve ever done can be used against you in the Simon trial. LESTER This is a crock! ERICA You�re right, Lester, it is. But, I have an idea. We move your murder trial up, we get you exonerated-- TED Erica, that�s insane. ERICA We�re gonna make this whole �name...� TED Erica. ERICA (cont�d) �...off your movie� nonsense-- TED Erica! ERICA What? TED Lester will go to prison! We don�t know what they have, and we sure as hell aren�t ready to defend against it. ERICA He�s right. Lester, it was a bad idea. LESTER You know what? (sighs) Move up the trial. TED Lester, were you listening? It�s not worth the risk. LESTER "It is to me. When I was a kid, people picked on me. And when I would go to the movies, it was the only place where I could feel like I was part of something without being made fun to feel different. I was right there with Indiana Jones, Han Solo, and Rocky... These guys were not only my heroes but they were my friends. I�m one of the most successful producers around, but not one of my movies is worthy of fourteen-year-old me. Until now. This film is the only thing I�ve ever done that I am proud of. I did not murder Simon and I am not going to let a false accusation take it from me." ERICA Lester, I understand, but with-- TED Erica... I�ll take care of it, Lester. RICK Ah, there he is. You ready? STUART Let�s rock it. RICK Rico, nice to meet you. I�m Rick Dodson, Head of Entertainment. ENRICO COLANTONI I don�t see why I had to come all the way down here just for him to make this thing go away. STUART You live four minutes from here. ENRICO COLANTONI That�s not the point. I don�t wanna establish a pattern. RICK Actually, Rico, the reason we called you down here is because we�re both new to representing you and we wanted you to know that we�re big fans of your work. ENRICO COLANTONI Well that�s more like it. RICK (sighs) I got somethin� to show ya. ENRICO COLANTONI Yeah? What is it, the torture scene in �Galaxy Quest�? �Cause I improved most of that scene. STUART This happens to be some of your more recent work. ENRICO COLANTONI Oh yeah? �English Teacher�? Yeah? That�s great, they... so they, they caught the guy. STUART This is my favorite part. ENRICO COLANTONI Mm. I don�t care, that�s not me. RICK Are you actually going to-- ENRICO COLANTONI Okay, I did it. I did it. STUART Yeah, we know you did it, Chainsaw Charlie. We�re tryna figure out why. ENRICO COLANTONI What do you mean, �why�? His stupid petunias are on my property. STUART Uh-uh. Ya lied before, you�re lying now. I will not have a client who lies to me. ENRICO COLANTONI Why�re you doin� this to me? RICK We�re just here to help. STUART And we can�t do that if you don�t tell us the goddamn truth! ENRICO COLANTONI I don�t want him on my team anymore. STUART Well moron, you shoulda thought about that before you-- RICK Stuart, that is enough! ENRICO COLANTONI Whoa! RICK He won�t say another word if you just tell us the truth. ENRICO COLANTONI Alright. It wasn�t about the petunias, that TikToker made me look like a fool... One day I parked two inches inside his driveway for like fifteen minutes. I had to rush in and use the facilities. I have a sensitive colon. RICK Sorry to hear that. ENRICO COLANTONI When I gotta go, the clock is ticking. Anyway, that night, I got a call from the police saying I needed to come down and get a ticket or I was gonna be arrested. RICK For a... parking violation? STUART They would never do that. ENRICO COLANTONI Well I realize that now! But he kept me on the phone for half an hour, he put me through the ringer. And it wasn�t until I got down to the police station and I was asking for a... an Officer McCracken that I realized... STUART You were an idiot. ENRICO COLANTONI He was very convincing. Anyway, that night, I got home and there was a package on my doorstep and he had... he had recorded the whole call so I wouldn�t forget. So I... you know, I-- Petunia payback. So. STUART Okay. RICK We are gonna need to hear that tape. ENRICO COLANTONI I�d prefer ya not. STUART Jailtime or your dignity. One or the other. ENRICO COLANTONI Alright, it�s at home. I�ll, I�ll get it. I�m only four minutes away, I�ll be right back. TED What are you doing here? ERICA You come to my meetings, I come to your meetings. Besides, I�ve never actually been in a courtroom before. TED What? ERICA Don�t tell my boss. Am I supposed to do this? TED Couldn�t hurt. JUDGE Alright, let�s get to it. Mister Black, I understand you have a motion. TED Yes, Your Honor. We would like to move for an expedited trial and start as soon as possible. SMITH What? TED My client�s been accused of a heinous crime that�s not only damaged his reputation, but it�s affecting his livelihood. JUDGE Are you sure this motion is in your client�s best interest? ERICA Can I take this? TED All yours. ERICA None of this is in our client�s interest, Your Honor. His entire life has just been turned upside down. But he is willing to risk his freedom to clear his name and protect his legacy. TED Very nice. SMITH That�s a pretty speech, but we haven�t had time to build our case. TED You had time to arrest him, you had time to arraign him-- SMITH Your Honor, the state needs at least a week to respond. TED She means �to delay�. SMITH I�m not gonna have my integrity questioned by an entertainment lawyer who decided to masquerade as a criminal defense attorney. JUDGE That�s enough. Miss Smith, you have until tomorrow. SMITH "You�re not gonna get away with this. If you�re filing this motion, it�s because you�re hiding something. And I�m going to find out what that is." TED I don�t have the lease agreement with me, but I�m pretty sure this isn�t the office you rented. AMANDA Evidently, the previous occupant of this office left in the middle of the night without my landlord realizing, so I thought I�d borrow it because he�s too stupid to notice. Too soon? TED Maybe. AMANDA (laughs) TED But I�d be willing to let it go if you�d do something for me... I filed a motion to expedite Lester�s trial. AMANDA Why would you do that? You can�t possibly be ready. TED I�m not, but my client wants his name cleared even if that means rushing to trial. AMANDA And lemme guess: Elizabeth Smith thinks that if you want it, there must be something else going on. TED That�s what I came to talk to you about. You know her, you know what she�ll come at me with, and I need your help to stop her. AMANDA I�d love to help, but as I mentioned before, getting producers out of trouble isn�t exactly my cup of tea. TED Maybe not. But I did overhear your conversation with Smith, and I believe that the exact quote was: �If he asks, I�ll come running.� (sighs) It�s time to come running. AMANDA In that case, let me lace up my track shoes. (laughs) RICK/STUART (laugh) ENRICO COLANTONI (filtered) Officer, I, I swear... I swear, it was an emergency. The mess was everywhere. I didn�t even make it to the toilet. RICK/STUART (laugh) TIKTOKER (filtered) Sir, I�ve told you several times, the law makes no exceptions for bowel movements. (laughs) RICK/STUART (laugh) STUART You can hear him laughing! ENRICO COLANTONI Well there should, because it was an absolute crime scene. TIKTOKER Sir, either you�re here in twenty minutes or we�re sending a patrol car to arrest you. ENRICO COLANTONI Twenty minutes? Twenty minutes... Yes, I can do it! Thank you for your kindness, Officer McCracken. RICK/STUART (laugh) STUART He says �McCracken�, how does he not know! (laughs) RICK (laughs) I know. (sniffles) Oh man... STUART (laughs) RICK I gotta say, I... I get why Rico hates the guy, but that was genius. STUART Oh, it was. (sighs) Just one thing, though. RICK He shouldn�t�ve gloated. STUART No, he should not have. And now we know what we have to do. RICK Indeed we do. STUART (sighs) RICK (laughs) STUART Hey, Rick, I need to ask you somethin�. Were you good coppin� me earlier with the �that�s enough�? RICK Yes and no. Stuart, when you�re dealing with actors, there�s a line you can�t cross. STUART Ted crossed that line plenty. RICK Ted crossed that line on behalf of his clients, not with his clients. STUART Don�t give me that, I know the man. RICK "Well then you know where it got him. Stuart, I told you this before, I am not Ted. But I am the Head of Entertainment. Ya gotta hear what I�m tellin� ya." AMANDA Erica. ERICA Amanda. AMANDA Whatcha got there? ERICA Just a lil� summin-summin. AMANDA Do I smell moo shu chicken? ERICA You might be catching a hint of Beijing beef too. AMANDA That�s a lot of food for a young woman... ERICA Oh, I�m not gonna eat all this myself, I hate moo shu chicken. AMANDA You know anyone who really loves it? ERICA I believe I do, actually. But she�s, you know, busy helping Ted, so... I�m gonna have to share it with you. AMANDA You know, there�s a rule you can�t eat moo shu chicken without an eggroll. Yes... (laughs) ERICA You know, Amanda, I keep doing this because I feel like I... haven�t thanked you enough for getting me out of that jam last year. AMANDA Erica, you�ve done this, what, ten times? Believe me, I feel appreciated. ERICA Good. SONG LYRICS Whoa... AMANDA Pay up in moo shu, that�s what I say. ERICA (laughs) AMANDA (laughs) SONG LYRICS (cont�d) Oh... JUDGE Miss Smith, do you care to privately disclose the identity of this witness? AMANDA Do you? SMITH Not at this time, Your Honor. JUDGE Then we start trial on Monday. TED Did that really require a last-minute entrance? AMANDA Well, it�s just more fun that way. Told you I�d come running. SMITH "Let me remind you, the last time you came running, you ran into a buzz saw. I might�ve lost this round, but the sooner we go to trial, the sooner your client goes to prison." SAMANTHA Hey, you. Everything okay? TED Yeah, no, I�m just in a... I�m in a hurry to get to my game. SAMANTHA Your game doesn�t start for an hour. What�s going on? TED Um... yeah, I don�t... I wasn�t going through your stuff, but I saw that there was an offer letter from a firm in California. (laughs) And I was just wondering when you were gonna tell me about that. SAMANTHA I was never going to tell you because I get those all the time. TED Do you? SAMANTHA I also get asked out at the gym all the time. Those, sometimes I say yes to. TED (laughs) Okay. SAMANTHA Ted, I love my life here. I love you. I�m not going anywhere. But there is something I wanna talk to you about. TED Is it switching gyms? Because I would be good with that if you wanted to... switch. SAMANTHA Eddie talked to me about what happened at the diner. TED He talked to you about that? SAMANTHA Of course. We talk about a lot of things. Ted, he was scared. And he didn�t know exactly what happened, but I�m pretty sure I do. TED Samantha, it�s-- SAMANTHA I understand your job involves some risk. I just wanna make sure you�re not putting Eddie in danger. TED That man was not there for Eddie. That man was there for me. You have nothing to worry about. (sighs) SAMANTHA Ted. To what do I owe the pleasure? TED I have a present for you. SAMANTHA I hope you know I�m still a size four... TED It�s a little smaller than that. This is an injunction preventing you from removing Lester�s name from his movie until after his case is decided. SAMANTHA You got his trial moved up, didn�t you? TED Starts Monday. SAMANTHA Well I hope you�re prepared to lose. Because we just completed an audit, and it turns out Lester was stealing from his own movie. (sighs) You knew. TED It�s not what you think. Simon was stealing from the movie, Lester was tryna pay it back. SAMANTHA That�s even worse for his trial. TED Samantha, I�m telling you that Lester is not a murderer. SAMANTHA That�s not my concern. My client wants your client to take his name off the movie. You do that, I�ll see what I can do about keeping this quiet. TIKTOKER Pickleball...(cont�d) ...Nation, I�m takin� over. Watch. C�mon, hit me! Ooh! I�m just a natural at this, c�mon now! Uh!(cont�d) (normal voice) See? I�m the king of this! I�ve only been playing for a minute, let�s go, baby. Here, c�mon, hit me. Hit me. No, no, a little higher, dude. No! (sighs) That�s on you, man. Hey, I don�t sign autographs while I�m working. It�s a pickleball court, have a little respect, please. STUART For the game or for you? TIKTOKER What�s goin� on here, Boomer? STUART Oh... (laughs) RICK Boomer. RICK "We�re here to let you know you�re gonna drop the charges against Enrico Colantoni. " TIKTOKER Am I also gonna cure cancer? �Cause I�m not doin� either one. STUART Well, if you don�t drop the charges, you�re gonna end up in prison. TIKTOKER For what?! That clown and I have had beef for a year. And nothing that I did was as bad as vandalism. STUART I think you�re forgetting you impersonated a police officer. RICK An Officer McCracken in particular. TIKTOKER Are you kiddin� me? (laughs) What�re you gonna put me away for, being hilarious? STUART (laughs) See that�s exactly what Rico said when ya had them arrest him. RICK Yeah, and if he�s getting charged, so are you. STUART Or did you forget you hand-delivered him a recording? TIKTOKER You can�t use that, I gave that to him voluntarily. STUART That doesn�t make any difference, you moron. So what�s it gonna be? TIKTOKER Yeah. Yeah, I�ll drop the charges. Damnit. RICK And the racket. STUART You three, get a real job. ERICA Ted, I got notification the studio is auditing the film. Now, is there anything in there I should know about? TED (sighs) The audit�s already done, they just sent this over to remind me of their threat. ERICA What threat? TED Simon was stealing from the movie, Lester found out, and if that comes out at trial, it will look like Lester killed him in a rage. ERICA How do you know all this? TED Because I went over there to tell Samantha we had �em... and she dropped this on me. ERICA You went without me. TED Mm-hmm. ERICA Ted, I know we were joking earlier, but this is my case. TED The studio part of it is, but this was potentially affecting his trial and I made a call. Look, we can discuss my methods later, right now I could use your help. ERICA I�ll help you, but next time keep me in the loop. TED Noted. ERICA Now what do you got? TED I�ve been thinking about how Amanda outplayed Elizabeth Smith. She knew her playbook and she used it against her. ERICA And you wanna use Samantha�s playbook against her. TED Right. But I haven�t found an opening. ERICA Well maybe you have the right idea, you�re just looking in the wrong place. TED How do you mean? ERICA Well I don�t know Samantha�s playbook, but I definitely know the studio�s. EMPLOYEES (walla) TED Bill. BILL Ted. I haven�t seen you since the Denzel negotiations. TED Oh, that wasn�t a negotiation, that was me cleaning your clock. BILL (laughs) Well he�s, uh, worth every penny. But, uh, you didn�t have to come all the way down here just to hand me Lester�s signature. TED Well, there�s just something about being on a studio lot... BILL Oh, I get it. Magic of the movies. TED Nope, it reminds me of the mountain of money that you�re sitting on that you do not wanna share with anybody. SAMANTHA What�s going on here? ERICA We�re not here to take Lester�s name off his movie. We�re here to tell you what�s gonna happen if you go down this road. TED Because there�s nothing a studio wants less than someone auditing one of their pictures. ERICA And it just so happens if you release an audit of this movie... TED ...it triggers our ability to audit every one of Lester�s movies that he�s ever made with you. ERICA And we do that... TED ...that mountain of money goes from your bank account straight into Lester�s. SAMANTHA Okay, Bill and I need a minute to digest this. BILL I don�t need to digest a goddamn thing. �Cause here�s the deal, Lester Thompson is a slimy piece of crap. He�s cheated me on every film we�ve ever made, and I�ve always hated him. So you win. We won�t release our audit. And he can keep his name on his little movie, but it�ll never see the light of day. �Cause I�d rather cut my arm off than see that picture released with his name on it! SAMANTHA Bill... BILL I�ll take the write-off. Won�t even hurt my bottom line. ERICA Are you kidding me? What happened to your whole �magic of movies� bull-- TED Erica, Bill has made his position clear. ERICA No, we can�t just sit by and let him get away with this. SAMANTHA I think what Ted�s tryna tell you is: you don�t have any other choice. CROWD (walla) TED Uh! REYNOLDS Uh! CROWD Oh... UMP Take your base! KEVIN (sighs) I gotta go talk to my pitcher. UMP Looks like your shortstop�s got that handled. KEVIN You gotta be kiddin� me... HARVEY Listen, playoffs are on the line, I�m my usual three for three. You wanna tell me what�s goin� on with you? TED Nothing is going on. HARVEY Really? Because you�re the closest thing to Batman besides me that I�ve ever seen, and he�s the second batter you�ve hit this inning. TED First of all, you�re the closest thing to Batman that I�ve ever seen besides me... HARVEY Batman doesn�t say things like that. TED And second, Klepper was crowding the plate and Reynolds had it coming. HARVEY If the plan is to throw at everyone who�s had it coming, then I�m gonna sit back and you can knock �em down one by one. But that�s not what�s goin� on right now. REYNOLDS Hey, we gonna play some time this week? TED/HARVEY Shut up, Reynolds! HARVEY Next time, do us all a favor and hit him in the mouth. TED I�m a little frustrated. HARVEY What�s goin� on? TED Pellegrini came to Eddie�s diner. Eddie told Samantha, they�re both scared, and I�m on tilt because this scumbag has gotten under their skin. HARVEY I get it. But Pellegrini�s not here right now and we have a game to win, so get him out of your head. After this is over, I�ll buy you a couple drinks, we�ll talk this thing through. TED Thanks, Harvey. HARVEY Go get �em, Batman. TED Batman. (sighs) SAMANTHA (filtered) Whatever it is...(cont�d) (normal voice) ...Bill is not going to change his mind. TED (filtered) Maybe not, but (normal voice) what Bill said did get me (filtered) thinking. He�s always hated Lester, but every actor that has ever worked with Lester (normal voice) loves him. Including some of my biggest clients. SAMANTHA Ted, be careful what you�re about to say. TED (filtered) Denzel loves him. (normal voice) Matt loves him. Leo... SAMANTHA Get to it. TED (filtered) Not only do they love Lester, (normal voice) they hate the idea of a studio head burying a huge movie out of spite. Because (filtered) they know if it could happen to Lester, (normal voice) it could happen to them. SAMANTHA You�re bluffing. And I�m not taking an empty threat to my client. TED "If Bill buries Lester�s movie, not one �A�-list client will ever work with him again. And when that story gets out, (filtered) how long do you think that Bill will last as the head of the studio?" CROWD (walla) ENRICO COLANTONI (normal voice) You�re telling me he�s dropping everything? All the charges? RICK You are one hundred percent off the hook. ENRICO COLANTONI And yet I�m not satisfied. CROWD (walla) RICK What�re you talking about? ENRICO COLANTONI We both drop the charges, it�s a draw. It�s time for the kill shot. Pow! RICK (clears throat) Rico, you were going to go to prison. ENRICO COLANTONI Yeah but now I�m not and I want more. I want more. CROWD (walla) RICK What�s really goin� on here? CROWD (walla) ENRICO COLANTONI What�re you talking about? CROWD (walla) RICK Listen, if I�m gonna represent you, I need you-- (sighs) Can you stop? If I�m gonna represent you, I need you to feel comfortable telling me the truth. What is at the heart of this beef? CROWD (walla) ENRICO COLANTONI My kids like him more than they like me. They watch his stream and they can�t stop laughing. And they used to laugh like that watching me. Now I�m like just a joke. RICK; What if you were a guest on his stream? Then your kids would see a different side of you. ENRICO COLANTONI Yeah, no. He hates my guts. RICK You let me worry about that. If I can�t make this happen for you, I don�t deserve to represent you. ENRICO COLANTONI Okay. RICK Good. ENRICO COLANTONI By the way, where�s Beard Boy? RICK Yeah, you�ll never have to see him again. ENRICO COLANTONI I don�t understand. RICK Well you said you don�t want him on your team and I pride myself on hearing my clients. ENRICO COLANTONI You know, Rick, we just met, but I think I love you. RICK Rico, we did just meet. And you do love me. ENRICO COLANTONI/ RICK (laugh) ENRICO COLANTONI I do! (laughs) RICK (laughs) TED Hey, Lester, I�m with Erica, we got an update for ya. ERICA The studio�s going to bury the... TED (filtered) Hang on, there�s more. I told them that if they buried the movie that no �A�-list piece of talent that you�ve worked with (normal voice) will ever do another movie with them again. LESTER (filtered) You got (normal voice) all those people to stand up for me? TED (filtered) No. I did try, and they love you, but you know how this town works. LESTER So you bluffed? TED Yeah. And if it doesn�t work (normal voice) you�re gonna have a decision to make. LESTER (filtered) Don�t you get it, Ted? I am losing my reputation. If this trial doesn�t go my way, I�ll lost my freedom. (normal voice) And now they�re saying unless I don�t take credit for it, the most important thing I�ve ever done, will never see the light of day... ERICA Lester, I haven�t known you very long but I wanna say something. (normal voice) Sometimes I get pissed at Ted. He cuts me out of meetings and he swoops in and takes credit for things I�ve done. But it doesn�t matter, �cause I don�t do this for credit, I (filtered) do this because I love what I do. I guess what I�m trying to say is, (normal voice) anyone who counts knows that this is your baby. LESTER Hm. Well you better hope your bluff works. But if it doesn�t, I want my baby out in this world. (sighs) TED I didn�t know you felt that way. ERICA You think you�re the only one who knows how to tell a client what they need to hear? (laughs) TED Oh, no... ERICA Truth is, you give me credit. But, you cut me out of meetings sometimes too. TED But now that I know that it leads to you kicking so much ass, I�m gonna do it more often. ERICA (laughs) Well I�d say my performance deserves a drink...? TED Erica, I really do feel like the work is its own reward. ERICA Lester Thompson got T�ericaed. TED No. ERICA (laughs) BARTENDER (clicks tongue) What�ll it be, boys? TED We�re gonna have two Guinness and, Eddie, whatever you want. HARVEY No, we�re not gonna drink that cheap crap that you like. We�re here to celebrate you getting your head out of your ass and pitching us into the playoffs. TED I feel like I just got insulted and complimented at the same time. HARVEY Harvey Specter, nice to meet you. Macallan twenty-five. Three of �em. TED No, hey, Eddie doesn�t need that. HARVEY Yes he does. Eddie, it is the smoothest drink you�ll ever taste. TED Harvey, he�d be happy with a pineapple juice from across the street. EDDIE Uh-uh, I want the smoothest drink you�ll ever taste. HARVEY See? Eddie gets it. TED Eddie, you don�t even like beer. EDDIE Just relax, buddy boy. HARVEY Yeah, buddy boy. EDDIE (sips) (gulps) Goddamn it, Harvey, you lied! This is awful. I�m getting a pineapple juice. TED I mean, money well spent. HARVEY (sighs) TED Harvey, I, I... I really appreciate this. I needed to get my mind off things. HARVEY Ted, I�m gonna tell you something, and you didn�t hear it from me, but I called my people at the �D.A.�s� Office, and word is... Pellegrini has someone in your office. TED That�s how they found Billy. Harvey, do I need to be worried? HARVEY No. Right now, it�s you against Pellegrini. Even he knows, he gets rid of you, they�ll send an army after him. TED (sighs) Thanks, Harvey. CROWD (walla) TED How long are you gonna play for the prosecutors league? You left the �D.A.� like five years ago. HARVEY You wanna play for a championship with me or would you like to play for a championship against me? TED Oh, you think I couldn�t take you. HARVEY There�s only one Batman. TED I know, you just bought him a drink. HARVEY I know, I bought myself a drink and I�m Batman. You can be Robin. TED I�m Superman. HARVEY That�s cheating. TED That�s exactly what Batman would say to Superman. You�re Batman, I�m Superman, no take-backs. HARVEY Said Robin. I win. TED The, uh-- Agree to disagree. Don�t say anything else. HARVEY That is kryptonite, by the way. TED It doesn�t matter, I�m Robin. HARVEY Now? TED Yeah. HARVEY To Robin. SONG LYRICS "(filtered) ...jobs a joke, you�re broke, Your love life�s �D.O.A.�, It�s like you�re always stuck in second gear..." SAMANTHA Hey. TED Hey. What are you guys watching? SAMANTHA What we�re always watching. Our favorite. EDDIE �Friends�. TED Oh, okay. Scoot over, I�ve had a long day. EDDIE Easy, cowboy. I�m sitting here. TED What? That�s my spot, man. EDDIE Bring it on. TED This is my spot! SAMANTHA (laughs) Apparently, it�s not your spot tonight. TED Okay, well, I�m gonna make us some popcorn. SAMANTHA (laughs) (sighs) SONG LYRICS (cont�d) ...or even your year, But I�ll be there... EDDIE/SAMANTHA (laugh) SONG LYRICS "(cont�d) ...for you, When the rain starts to pour, I�ll be there for you, Like I been there before, I�ll be..." SAMANTHA (mouths) I love you. SONG LYRICS "(cont�d) ...there for you, �Cause you�re there for me too..." TED How long have you been standing there? SAMANTHA (speaks) Not long. You just looked so peaceful. I didn�t wanna ruin it by telling you Bill doesn�t care about your threat. He�s burying the film anyway. TED Is he? SAMANTHA No. I was just bluffing. Like I know you were with Denzel, Damon, and Leo. But Bill didn�t want to risk his job, so I�m here to tell you Lester�s film is officially getting released with his name on it. TED Care to put that in writing? How did you know that I was hypothetically bluffing? SAMANTHA I can tell when you�re bluffing, Ted. I�ve seen all your faces. TED (laughs) We were on the phone. SAMANTHA I was speaking metaphorically. TED I knew that. I knew it. SAMANTHA It�s funny... there was a time you mocked what I did. You wouldn�t give a man like Lester the time of day, and you sure as hell wouldn�t defend someone accused of murder. You are not the same man you were when we were together. TED Is that a good thing or a bad thing? SAMANTHA I like it. TED I�m not the only one that�s not the same. SAMANTHA How am I different? TED You�re stronger. SAMANTHA You mean colder. TED No, Samantha, I don�t. Listen, did it ever occur to you that you could have partnered with me instead of Stuart? SAMANTHA It did. But the fact is, you still put Ted Black�s needs above everyone else�s. Just because it doesn�t get anyone killed anymore doesn�t make it okay. TED You still blame me for Cameron. SAMANTHA You still think that�s why I left? It�s not. It�s that you were more concerned with getting Pellegrini back than with what I needed. TED I was doing that for you. SAMANTHA I know you believe that. TED If you had gone with me instead of Stuart, we could�ve made a heck of a team. SAMANTHA Hypothetically. AMANDA Who was that? TED Samantha Railsback. AMANDA The woman who gutted your firm. TED The very one. But I don�t wanna talk about her, I�d like to talk about you. Did you get my note? AMANDA You mean this eviction notice? Written in crayon? TED I didn�t want you to think it was real. AMANDA What did you want me to think? TED (laughs) Come with me. SONG LYRICS Got a feeling...(cont�d) ...I won�t have enough time, Locking my eyes into next year�s� (cont�d) ...light� AMANDA Are you asking me to move in with you? TED Well it�s... it�s... lonely up there. AMANDA You mean you�re lonely down here. TED Amanda, I saw the look in your eyes when you took down Smith. I�m going to trial next week and I might need your help again. AMANDA Just to be clear, as long as that�s a possibility, I�d consider us to be working together, so... you might wanna think about that. TED Duly noted. What do you think about this? SONG LYRICS (cont�d) Yeah, a change is coming, Yeah, a change is coming... AMANDA I... I have no choice. I�ve been evicted. By crayon. TED I know a good pro bono lawyer that might be able to get you out of it. AMANDA What�s her name? Maybe I can pawn off this stupid murder trial I just got saddled with. TED Idiot McGee...? AMANDA Capital �M�, capital �G�, or...? TED She doesn�t know. �Cause she�s-- AMANDA --an idiot, yeah. TED --she�s an idiot, yeah. STUART Only one man I know would send that. RICK I guess he wanted to acknowledge my promotion. STUART I think it�s a little more than that. (sighs) RICK Eh. STUART Hey, I just wanted to stop by and see how it went with Rico. RICK We worked it out. I even got him a guest spot on the TikToker�s show. STUART (laughs) McCracken. RICK I think you mean Officer McCracken. STUART Hm. Hey, about our conversation earlier, I�ve never had the best bedside manner. I just always thought if I got the job done, what did it matter? RICK You mean what does it matter to treat people with kindness? STUART Yeah, about that... (sighs) One of the reasons I left Ted is we didn�t always bring out the best in each other. And I�m hoping I can reset that dynamic here with you. I appreciate you keeping me honest. RICK I�ll try and keep it up. STUART Oh, you know, Rick... RICK Yeah? STUART (sighs) ...you don�t have to play �D� and �D� on Friday night anymore. RICK Oh my god, that�s great. �Cause I had this-- STUART I�m just kidding. Six �P.M.�, sharp, and you�re not wearing that wizard hat? You can start lookin� for a new job. Incremental growth. SONG LYRICS (cont�d) ...change is coming, Yeah, a... RICK Not wearin� that hat. (sighs) I quit. SONG LYRICS (cont�d) ...change is coming... RICK I didn�t come this far to come this far. (sighs) SONG LYRICS (cont�d) ...change is coming, Yeah, a change is coming, Yeah, a change is coming...