CHARLES CLARE FLOATY_V FLOATY_VS_SECRETARY JOSH KAI KELSEY LAUREN LIZA MAGGIE QUINN REDMOND ROB SECURITY SINGER MAGGIE Hey. How you doing? LIZA When I woke up, for a second, I didn't remember. And then I remembered everything. MAGGIE Mm. LIZA I just can't believe it's really over. MAGGIE Hon, come here. LIZA MAGGIE You know, I made coffee cake. Maybe you should stay home from work today. LIZA We're already shorthanded with Diana being out. I gotta show up. And I gotta be professional. MAGGIE Is that why professional people are always so miserable? Come on, I'll walk you to the L. LIZA You don't have to do that. MAGGIE No, no, no. I've gotta drop off some artwork at Josh's studio anyway. Come on. Let's go. LIZA I didn't know you were working with Josh. MAGGIE Yeah, we're collab-ing together. I mean, I think designing tattoos is gonna be fun. I've never worked on a canvas that sweats before. LIZA Well, I'll see you tonight? MAGGIE Why don't you come on in and say hello? LIZA Oh, I don't think so. I'm barely holding it together as it is. Oh. MAGGIE Hey, sweetie. JOSH Hey, good morning. LIZA Hi. JOSH So you got a ring or what? MAGGIE Um…she and Charles broke up. JOSH Wait, what? What happened? LIZA Well, I--I really agreed with what you said that relationships shouldn't have to be defined. JOSH Yeah. LIZA But as it turns out, Charles really needs them to be defined, so he defined us as finished. JOSH I'm sorry. LIZA It's all for the best. Talk later? MAGGIE Yeah. LIZA I'm late for work. JOSH Yeah. LIZA Which is…that way. MAGGIE Yeah. LIZA This way. MAGGIE Yep. LIZA Bye. MAGGIE Okay. Bye! SINGER I hear your voice in the darkness. And I see your face when you're not around. LAUREN Oh, yum. Can you pour me one? KELSEY Sure. Nice suit. LAUREN Oh, thank you. Yeah, since Ms. Trout has entrusted me with the power of her office--two stevias, please--I'm going to embody her values in every way that I can. KELSEY Yeah, well. I'm just glad you gave up the necklaces. LAUREN Can I have a splash of oat milk? Little more. I mean, I might be Diana's stand-in, but…I'm not her clone. This is terrible. KELSEY Hey, Liza. How are you? LIZA Could be better. KELSEY It gets easier. I promise. Go put your stuff down. I've got something to cheer you up. Redmond is coming in with a new project. LIZA About? KELSEY You'll see. CHARLES Good morning. KELSEY Morning. CHARLES Nice going on the Fupa Grunhof announcement. We're getting some great press on it already. KELSEY Thank you. LIZA Thanks. KELSEY I thought he was gonna be weird, but he was just surprisingly friendly. LIZA I know. Somehow, that's worse. REDMOND Greetings, power people. My client needs no introduction, but since I'm already talking, please allow me to present nine-time Triple Crown winner and surf legend, Kai Manning. KAI G'day, folks. LIZA Wow. KELSEY Told you it was gonna cheer you up. REDMOND Now, many of you know him as the face of Quiksilver surf apparel or maybe you know him from his internationally-recognized humanitarian effort in Senegal, or maybe you've seen his top-rated NatGeo show "Surfin' Safari." REDMOND Oh, look at him. LAUREN Aww. LIZA KAI Yeah! REDMOND Need I say more? CHARLES Well, since we are talking about a book, yes. I would like to know more. Like, what is the actual story? REDMOND It's whatever we want it to be. He has 18 million followers and this is the cover. LAUREN Oh, marketing's on board. CHARLES So there's nothing specific? There's no point of view? REDMOND Charles, if you're not interested… KAI No, no, no. No, I like the question. That's smart. But here's the thing. There are heaps of stories I could tell. Like growing up poor in Tangambalanga, in Australia. Or--all the wild shit that happens behind the scenes on tour. Or that freaky summer I spent with a famous actress. I don't know what the take is, and I don't want to tie it down yet. You know? I want to explore. Be free. Does that make sense? LIZA Makes sense to me. REDMOND Look, we came to you first because I thought this was the perfect aspirational title for "Millennial." KELSEY We're no longer publishing under the name "Millennial." REDMOND What? CHARLES Yeah, it's all being folded into the legacy brand "Empirical." REDMOND So the Steinbeck reissues get lumped in with the feminist sex toy guide? KELSEY Mm. REDMOND How about you get your branding together and come back to me with an offer…soon. Ciao for now. KAI All right, nice to meet you guys. LIZA Bye. REDMOND Hope you got paid a lot of money to let them "vertically integrate" you. LAUREN You guys, Redmond is right. We need a serious rebranding campaign. We should start with a launch party. CHARLES Agreed, but we don't have the budget for that. LAUREN Ah, we don't have the budget for a Space Force, but we're doing that. CHARLES Excuse me. LAUREN Coming straight from work. Question. Do we like this guy? Well, I have to drop a deuce, and I could do it here or there. JOSH LAUREN Oh, my Goddess. This is Williamsburg? JOSH It's more like the building that ate Williamsburg. How rich is this guy? LAUREN Oh, come on, don't be jealous. You're both pretty. Hello! CLARE I'm so glad you made it. Lauren, this is my boyfriend, Rob. ROB Welcome. LAUREN I am blown away by this building. Your taste, the space. Rob, it's just--it's stunning. ROB Thank you. Now all I need are more buyers. It's definitely pricey for the neighborhood. You know what I mean, Josh? LAUREN Um…maybe I can help you there, Rob. Have you ever considered hosting, like, a--a tasteful arts event as a way to showcase your building to high net worth individuals? ROB How high net worth are we talking about? LAUREN Ever heard of Kai Manning? ROB Heard of him? I am a huge fan. LAUREN Fabulous. ROB Not to brag, but I am a legit Pipe Master. LAUREN Oh, Pipe Master. Good for you. ROB You see this? QUINN So, to be honest, I was a little mad at you in Chicago. CHARLES Why? QUINN Because I was telling you about how heartbroken and exhausted I was after losing the primary, and you told me to write another book. CHARLES Well, you told me you were…seeing life from a whole different angle and that you would change what you wrote in "Claw," if you could. So to me, then, it sounds like a book. QUINN You were right. CHARLES Ha! QUINN I started writing, and it just flowed out of me. Like, page after page after page. And the title--are you ready? CHARLES Yeah. QUINN "The F Word." CHARLES That sounds like you have an axe to grind. QUINN The F is for failure. The dirtiest F word there is. CHARLES QUINN But it shouldn't be, because with failure comes opportunity. In success, people just keep doing whatever it is they've been doing. But with failure, it makes you grow. It makes you rethink. We should be throwing a party for failure. We should be popping champagne and French kissing it. That's what "The F Word" is gonna be about, and I want you to publish it. CHARLES Why don't you come down to the office and discuss it with the team? QUINN See, I would love that. CHARLES QUINN Oh. I gotta go. They're honoring Sondheim for the hundredth time. CHARLES QUINN Oh, um…one more thing. I didn't end things so well with Liza last time, so, you know, if you could convince your girlfriend just to keep an open mind. CHARLES Um…Liza and I are actually--we're not together anymore. QUINN Wait. Since I saw you in Chicago? CHARLES Yeah. QUINN Oh. I'm so sorry. Well, now I'm excited for you to read chapter nine. CHARLES Chapter nine? QUINN Yeah, it's all about reinvention. 'Cause isn't it true that with every loss comes unexpected opportunity? SINGER I can make you helpless. QUINN See you. SINGER Helplessly, you're messing with me. Helpless. FLOATY VS SECRETARY Hey. Hi, how's it going? You're Josh, right? You run this place? JOSH Yep. FLOATY VS SECRETARY They're with me. We work for a singer who's on her way over here. She's kind of famous and very demanding and she wants a face tattoo from you and only you. JOSH I'll do my best. FLOATY VS SECRETARY Please don't. JOSH What? FLOATY VS SECRETARY I actually want you to stall her. Tell her anything. Tell her you're out of ink, you sprained your wrist, just don't give her what she wants. JOSH So…is this singer, like, a kid or something? What's going on here? FLOATY VS SECRETARY No. Look, I don't really have time to screw around. We're talking about Floaty V. JOSH Ah, Floaty V? Miss Can't-Miss? FLOATY VS SECRETARY Yes. You probably think she already has it made, but the truth is, the music industry doesn't pay shit. She doesn't even own her songs. Plus, her parents and five sisters live off her and she is this close to a Chanel endorsement which would change everything. Or she could ruin it all in one hour with you. JOSH With me? FLOATY VS SECRETARY Mm-hmm. JOSH Mm. SECURITY She's coming in. FLOATY VS SECRETARY Please. FLOATY VS SECRETARY Floaty V. This is Josh. JOSH Hey. FLOATY V Zendaya says you're the best. JOSH How is she? FLOATY V Busy. JOSH I get that. All right, take your time. You can just… FLOATY V I already know what I want. This one, this one, this one, that one, connected together across my forehead. JOSH Okay, um…why don't we just take a seat for a second and we can walk this through? FLOATY V This dress doesn't sit. JOSH Okay. Not a problem. Look, I've been doing this for a while. And one thing I've learned is that you don't wanna get too many tattoos all at the same time. FLOATY V I do. JOSH Are you sure? I mean, the greatest thing about tattoos is they tell a story. Right? Over time. Your story. It's powerful, right? We can tell your story in the most beautiful, collaborative way possible. But…it deserves to just be done slowly, you know? FLOATY V I like that. JOSH Huh. FLOATY V Let's start with a boob. JOSH I--I'm booked up solid today, but tonight, 8:00 p.m., I could get you in? FLOATY V Hmm. Flirt. Put that on my schedule. FLOATY VS SECRETARY Mm-hmm. FLOATY V Story time. SINGER Kill the beat. If you're looking so fine. SECURITY She's walking out. SINGER Go wild if you're feeling all right. Take the night with your friends. Leave your man on red. Till the morning light. You'll do what you want. 'Cause you're the queen. KELSEY Hello. REDMOND Good news, ladies. Kai Manning really liked you even though Daddy ate your imprint. LIZA We're stronger as a unified… REDMOND Sure, sure, sure. Anyway, listen. Before Kai makes his decision, he really wants to spend a little time outside the office with his prospective editor. If he's gonna trust someone with his life story, he wants to get to know them a little bit better first. He said he wants to "hang." KELSEY Liza can hang with him. LIZA What? Sure, yes. I can--I'll--I can hang with him. Maybe we can "hang 10." REDMOND Hanging up. Ehh. KELSEY Don't do that. LIZA I--it's a surf… LAUREN Ladies. Charles wants to know if you're ready for a last-minute bitch in the conference room. Nope, I mean pitch, pitch. KELSEY What? LIZA Who's the writer? LAUREN Quinn Tyler. KELSEY Ugh, what does that pitch want to bitch anyway? LAUREN KELSEY Wait. You know what I mean. QUINN So it was ultimately failure that sharpened our greatest president. With each defeat, he gained the strength and foresight to eventually change the course of history. And so can we. CHARLES Excellent. Thank you, Quinn. LIZA So, to be clear, you're ending your book by comparing yourself to Abraham Lincoln? QUINN No. I'm not comparing myself. I'm giving the book a broader scope. And it was actually Charles's idea. This whole book was actually Charles's idea. CHARLES Uh, well, we have…lots to discuss here. Thank you for coming in, Quinn. And we'll get in touch shortly. QUINN Talk soon. Bye. CHARLES Okay. Thoughts? KELSEY Well, I hate to say it, but that book's going to perform. LAUREN Yeah, the title kind of sells itself. KELSEY But can we really trust Quinn? CHARLES Liza, what do you think? LIZA I don't know what to think. CHARLES Let's all give it some consideration and email me by the end of the day. LAUREN Okay. SINGER We all like to party on a Saturday night. LAUREN Okay, we need ice at station two. And can someone please bring champagne to the short guy from "Longreads"? Thank you. Good. This is good. Great. Can we do just a few with the publisher now? Just the publisher. KELSEY Oh. Of course. LAUREN No, sorry, Kitten! I'm just trying to do my job. KELSEY Whatever. LAUREN What? LIZA Okay. KAI Oh! This is "hanging out" for you? LIZA I know it seems fancy, but it's a way that you can meet everyone in the company. They're all really good people who are really good at what they do. LAUREN Hello, Mr. Manning. Lauren Heller, we met yesterday. KAI Oh, yeah! Good to see you again. LAUREN Yeah, nice to see you too. E & E? LIZA E for "Empirical." Nice! LAUREN Yeah, here's the fun part. Some of the E's are actually E. LIZA She's kidding. KAI I hope not. ROB Kai Manning. I--I am such a big fan. CLARE Can we get a photo? KAI Yeah, sure. CLARE Yes! KAI Go on. CLARE Okay. LIZA Oh. Heyo! KAI Okay, who's ready for a tour? LIZA Ooh, me! KAI Show me the way. CLARE And this is my favorite. The chef's kitchen. ROB Custom cabinetry, Calacatta marble. CLARE Ooh, and the best part is the wine vault. ROB Now, if you don't collect wine, you can use it for cold storage. Or one owner uses his as a podcasting studio since it is sound proof. KAI I'd use it as a mediation room. LIZA I'd make it my trumpet room. KAI You play the trumpet? LIZA Uh, that's right. While you were busy surfing, I was wearing a heavy wool uniform, marching backwards playing "We Will Rock You." LIZA It was rough. MAGGIE Hello, Charles. CHARLES Hi, Maggie. MAGGIE Hi. CHARLES It's…quite a view, right? MAGGIE Yeah, it's great. Except this 40-story penis is blocking out all the daylight on my street. CHARLES MAGGIE I'm really sorry about you and Liza. How are you doing? CHARLES Uh…I'm okay. Thank you for asking. MAGGIE I never thought you guys would end it on a technicality. CHARLES Uh…it wasn't a technicality. In the end, I think I never really had her whole heart. MAGGIE Well…that's too bad. 'Cause you did. See you. SINGER Here they come like a bee to the honey. CLARE Kelsey, let me introduce you to my boyfriend, Rob. This is Kelsey Peters. She's one of the publishers. KELSEY Thank you so much for hosting us. And I'm actually not a publisher anymore. I was publisher back when we were "Millennial," but… ROB Oh, so that's what this whole rebrand is all about? KELSEY Yeah. ROB Oh, that sucks. I lost a business once too. But you're here, smiling through it. Good for you. I holed up in my apartment and lived off Postmates and vape pens for a month. KELSEY Well, that sounds like a pretty good month. ROB Yeah. CLARE This is so fun, but we've got another tour to lead. The Belle-Kamps just arrived. ROB Oh. KELSEY Oh. CLARE KELSEY Go, go, go, go. ROB Kelsey, very nice to meet you. KELSEY Yeah. SINGER Right here, right now. It's about to go down. It's all la, la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Right now. JOSH Hey, come on in. You need me to prop the door open for Floaty and the guys, or? FLOATY VS SECRETARY She's not coming. JOSH What? FLOATY VS SECRETARY JOSH What happened? FLOATY VS SECRETARY She's obsessed with tennis bracelets now, thank God. JOSH So we're not doing the… FLOATY VS SECRETARY No. JOSH Cool. FLOATY VS SECRETARY But I--I really liked what you said. About tattoos telling a story over time. JOSH All right. FLOATY VS SECRETARY And I think it's time for me to start telling my story. JOSH Cool. FLOATY VS SECRETARY JOSH Take a seat. I'm all ears. SINGER Kiss me, baby. Just kiss me, baby. 'Cause I've got… KELSEY Thank you. REDMOND Double fisting? KELSEY It saves me a trip. REDMOND Yeah, well, let me relieve you of this. There's a lot of wagging tongues out there. KELSEY Oh. Well, what are people saying? REDMOND Well, I heard the pathetic little gossips from "Publisher's Lunch" betting that you'd lose it again tonight like you did with Bronwyn Madigan. KELSEY I can handle a little rebranding. Kay? REDMOND Oh--oh, I'm not talking about the rebranding. I'm talking about Zane. KELSEY What about Zane? REDMOND Kelsey, there's press all over this place. Hasn't anyone told you? Zane has been named Publisher of Grove/Atlantic. KELSEY Publisher? REDMOND Yeah. KELSEY I wish him all the best…with that. REDMOND Mm-hmm. KELSEY Excuse me. REDMOND Of course. LIZA Kelsey. KELSEY Don't ask me if I'm okay. I'm gonna scream my head off. LIZA Got it. Do you want to scream your head off? LIZA Okay. Oh, oh! KELSEY Oh, my God. LIZA Okay. KELSEY That was the best. LIZA So unprofessional. KELSEY LIZA I think I need to get one of those. KELSEY No shit. LIZA LAUREN Wait, what is going on? Did you guys get lucky with the chocolates? LIZA Wait, what is she doing here? LAUREN Ooh, yeah. You should check your email. Charles bought her book. KELSEY LIZA I didn't vote for this. Did you vote for this? KELSEY No, I didn't. LIZA Okay. Who's going to edit her effing F book? Oh, no. Okay. No way. Hi, can I talk to you for a sec? QUINN Oh. That's such a cute dress. LIZA Thank you. I practically wrote your ex-wife's book. I hope you don't expect me to edit your new girlfriend's book as well. CHARLES What are you talking about? LIZA She said you're the one who came up with the second book idea. When did that happen? CHARLES I ran into her in Chicago. LIZA Chicago? CHARLES Mm-hmm. LIZA Why didn't you tell me? CHARLES Because I didn't think that it was a big deal. LIZA We were still together when you went to Chicago. CHARLES Yeah, I'm not seeing Quinn. LIZA Really? Because it seems like something's going on and…now I know that's why you wanted to split up. You had a backup plan. CHARLES God, that had nothing to do with Quinn. LIZA Well, then I guess we have nothing to talk about. CHARLES Yep. LIZA And we can both go back to our business. CHARLES Yep, see you. KAI Hey. I kinda want to get out of here. LIZA Yeah, me too. SINGER I'll say I never wanted to hurt you. I was just saving my skin. Didn't want to desert you. KAI Oh, this is more like it. LIZA Yeah, I love coming here. You feel like you're a million miles away. KAI There. So you seemed pretty stressed at the party. Everything all right? LIZA I just got out of a really serious relationship. And it's really hard to work with your ex. KAI Which one's your ex? LIZA Charles. KAI The guy with the suit? Oh, sorry. LIZA Thanks. KAI No, I'm sorry for him. He has to wear a suit every day. Why'd you break up? LIZA He wanted to get married and I didn't. KAI Good. Life's too short. I hit the reef at Teahupo'o once. Almost died. No, I mean, really. Cracked my skull open. I had four pieces of coral embedded in my brain tissue. They had to chopper me outta there. After that, I said I'm not doing anything I don't want to do. LIZA Well, I never had anything like that happen to me, but…I got pretty burned by my husband. Plus the whole domestic thing. It's just…rough. It's like you take something wild and alive and you just ruin it. KAI Yeah. Like putting a big, beautiful tiger in a zoo. LIZA Exactly. KAI I want to roam the plains or just chill at the watering hole if I feel like it. LIZA Well, I am glad we both ended up at the same watering hole tonight. KAI Hey. You still wanna be my editor? LIZA Of course. Yes. KAI Good. 'Cause I think we're gonna be great together. SINGER She's always looking for the stars. You're giving me.