BOARD BOARD_MEMBER CHARLES CLARE DENISE DIANA GEMMA JANE JOSH KELSEY LAUREN LIZA MAGGIE QUINN ROB SINGER ZANE DIANA Arrivederci, bitches! CHARLES Congratulations! LAUREN Have the best honeymoon ever! Ah, thank God, four hours until she's on a plane and out of my hair. MAGGIE Where are they going? LAUREN Grand tour of Italy. MAGGIE Ooh. LAUREN Yup, now that she's married, she can eat all the pasta she wants. MAGGIE Aw. LAUREN Want to dance? MAGGIE I do. Come on. LAUREN Yes. CHARLES Hmm. Well, I, uh--I think I got my answer. LIZA The answer is, I love you. But technically, you're not even divorced yet. CHARLES Yeah, that's true. LIZA And I also think you may be a little drunk. CHARLES Uh, slightly buzzed, yeah. And you're avoiding the question. LIZA It is the most beautiful question I have ever heard. But I have a daughter I need to talk to. And you have to speak to your girls as well. We don't have to rush. I'm not going anywhere. CHARLES Fine. You know how I feel. Sometimes I can be impatient when I know what I want. But I understand. Um, so you can, uh--you can consider the proposal officially withdrawn. LIZA Wait, are you un-asking me to marry you? CHARLES Yup. So that when you're ready, you can pop the question. LIZA CHARLES Provided that I'm still on the market. LIZA Okay. CHARLES Mm-hmm. SINGER Look at yourself. This time, we're gonna get it right. LIZA I think those were meant for the newlyweds. CHARLES Uh, no, that's a sign. LIZA SINGER This time, we're gonna get it right. This time, we're gonna get it right. MAGGIE I'm impressed that Chaz was so impulsive and romantic. I would've guessed he would've sent over his lawyer to discuss a prenup first. LIZA Charles is a romantic at heart. I'm the one being practical here. If I make that commitment, it's forever. We can take our time. MAGGIE So what was the ring like? LIZA We didn't get that far. MAGGIE So you never even got to see the goods? LIZA Oh, I've seen the goods. And I don't need a big ring to make me happy. Besides, he basically withdrew the question. MAGGIE Ooh, so you hesitated and he choked. LIZA Something like that. MAGGIE Well, then it's all good. We'll just pretend it never happened. I mean, from what you said, the sex is hot, right? So why spoil a good thing? LIZA I can't unhear a marriage proposal. The question is out there. MAGGIE SINGER Whoo. LAUREN Mommy, I can't think about a party, okay? I'm under a lot of pressure right now. DENISE Honey, Lauren, you only turn 30 once, and we still don't have a theme. What are you doing? You're putting that on too thick. KELSEY Whoa, why are you dressed like a drag queen? LAUREN Excuse me? I am taking over Diana's office while she's on her honeymoon. Also, can you please tell my mother that I don't have time to think about my 30th birthday? KELSEY Hi, Denise. DENISE Hi, hi--oh! KELSEY Bye, Denise. DENISE We still don't have a theme! KELSEY Lauren, I can't deal with your neuroses, okay? I've gotta go to Quinn's office and tell her that I don't actually want the funding that I asked for. LAUREN Oh, luckily, you're still young enough to make mistakes. KELSEY Do you think it's a mistake to go back to Millennial? LAUREN And piss off a bipolar billionaire after she agreed to fund your company? Of course not. JOSH I think Clare's trying to kidnap Gemma. LAUREN & KELSEY What? JOSH Yeah, she just texted me. She wants me to sign off on an expedited passport so she can take Gemma to Ireland to meet the family. Do you think I should be worried? LAUREN Yes. KELSEY No. It's perfectly normal that Clare would want Gemma to meet her family. LAUREN Okay, and since when has there ever been anything normal about Clare? JOSH Maybe I should just go to Ireland. I should just go, just in case, just--just to be safe. KELSEY Oh, my God, so you are freaking out about turning 30, I have to go screw over a mercurial billionaire, but you win. JOSH Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're turning 30? LAUREN Ugh, I know. The party's over. JOSH Wow. LAUREN Wait, Kels. Do you think that's a good theme for my birthday? KELSEY I gotta go. JOSH Bye. SINGER Whoa-oh. KELSEY And after much thought and deliberation, I have decided to stay put at Millennial. Charles offered me a seat on the board and an equity position in the company, and it just feels like the right move to stay put right now. QUINN Hmm, an equity stake in the company, really? KELSEY Yeah. QUINN Have you run the financials? 'Cause I have. I used to own the place, remember? Try dividing zero by zero. KELSEY It's not always just about money. It's also family. QUINN Oh, so you're running home to Daddy, okay. KELSEY Or maybe I'm putting my ego aside for a minute. QUINN Look, I get it. You could have failed. Failure sucks. I've just gone through it with my Senate campaign, so I'm not gonna judge you. Here. Open one. It's what I do when I'm at a crossroads. KELSEY "A foolish person follows her heart." I think these cookies are rigged. QUINN Then take another one till you get something you like. "A new love will come into your life." That's a keeper. KELSEY This one's empty. QUINN That means you make your own fortune…or you don't have long to live; I can't remember which. Either way, you'll find out soon enough. LAUREN Yeah. Mm. LIZA What are doing in Diana's office? LAUREN Oh, hi there. Uh, you-you didn't know? Diva asked me to cover for her while she's on her honeymoon. LIZA I thought she just asked you to cover her phones. LAUREN Please. I mean, I'm merely here to listen and learn. Consider me your humble servant. LIZA Great. I'll send you the spreadsheet of this quarter's upcoming titles. LAUREN Perf. LIZA And, Lauren, don't even think about it. CHARLES Good morning, everyone. A couple of pieces of good news to share. First of all, "Arabian Sea," the book that Zane brought in, is a surprise hit. LAUREN Yup, as of today, it's the number one book in fiction, Men's Adventure on Amazon. CHARLES Thank you, Lauren. LAUREN Mm-hmm. I'm not just a pretty face. KELSEY CHARLES But the great news is that I'm very excited to welcome Kelsey back to her position as editor in chief at Millennial and--and the newest member of our board. LIZA Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! LIZA Yeah! CHARLES We're, uh--we're headed to Chicago tomorrow for our first meeting with the new investors. KELSEY Thank you, Charles. I am honored, and I hope to live up to the distinction and responsibility. CHARLES I know you will. KELSEY Have you spoken to Zane? I figured he'd really want to stick it to me about this "Arabian Sea" book that I passed on. CHARLES Kelsey, uh, can I have a moment? KELSEY Sure. LIZA Um, we'll catch up later. KELSEY Okay. LIZA Couldn't be happier. KELSEY Thank you. CHARLES Uh, Zane quit this morning. KELSEY W-why? CHARLES After everything that happened with Mercury, he felt like I betrayed him by giving you the board seat. KELSEY Oh, God. CHARLES Now, I didn't intend to lose anyone, but, uh, I knew that I was making a choice, and I chose you. KELSEY Excuse me. KELSEY Hey. You quit? You can't just quit. ZANE It's done, Kels. There's just not a place for me there anymore. Charles made that very clear. KELSEY Okay. Look, let's just go to dinner, just you and me, and we can talk this out. I love you. And I don't care where you work. I want you to be happy. But… ZANE Kelsey, I love you too. And I know I'll never meet anyone like you again, but…the competition is crushing me. I need a fresh start. KELSEY Are you--you breaking up with me because I got promoted over you? ZANE I'm probably doing the stupidest thing of my life right now, letting you go, but…at least for now, I think that's best. I love you, Kelsey. Take care. KELSEY LIZA Is everything okay? KELSEY I just spoke to Zane, and he resigned. LIZA Why? KELSEY I don't know. His ego couldn't handle it? LIZA What about you guys? Oh, Kelsey. KELSEY I don't care. I really don't care. LIZA It's all right. KELSEY LIZA How long will you be in Chicago? CHARLES Just one night. LIZA Are we okay? I just--I don't want things to be weird. LIZA CHARLES Does that feel weird? LIZA No, it feels wonderful. CHARLES I have the girls tonight. What are you up to? Working on a pros and cons list? LIZA Dinner when you're back. I'm buying. CHARLES Wow. In that case, yes. LIZA I love you. CHARLES I love you too. CHARLES Mm. There are also decision-making charts that are really helpful. SINGER And you keep me stronger. And I can feel again. We slowly make it back. GEMMA JOSH Daddy's gonna miss his baby girl so much. Yes, hi. CLARE We'll be back in a week. JOSH But if Daddy doesn't see you in a week, he's gonna come to Ireland and come and get you. LAUREN They're always after me Lucky Charms. CLARE Oh, my God. What are you guys thinking? I'm not kidnapping Gemma. LAUREN Oh, my God, no! What kind of a suspicious mind would even come up with an idea like that? CLARE Okay, right. Well, I think it's time for bed. JOSH Mm, yeah. CLARE I do. Come on. LAUREN Good night, sweet girl. CLARE Mm-hmm. GEMMA LAUREN No. JOSH Dude. CLARE Uh, would you drop her at my place in the morning? JOSH Mm. CLARE Oh, and don't forget, they're gonna FedEx the passport here, so just make sure someone is around to sign for it. All right. Okay. Bye. JOSH Bye. LAUREN Bye, Clare. JOSH Wow. I can't believe you just came right out and accused her of kidnapping Gemma. LAUREN Oh, come on, I want her to know we got eyes on her, okay? Also, there's something I think you should know. It's big. JOSH What? LAUREN It's not, like, baby-kidnapping big, but you should prepare yourself. JOSH Why? LAUREN Okay. Uh, so I just got the photos back from Diana's wedding. Obviously, there is a lot that needs to be retouched, but I will work my digital magic. JOSH Uh-huh. LAUREN There's some video here that might interest you. JOSH Okay. JOSH Um, all right, so far, not interested. LAUREN Keep watching. CHARLES Will you marry me? LIZA Oh, my God. LAUREN Did she say yes? Are they engaged? LAUREN JOSH Still not interested. LIZA Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! LAUREN Liza, please, do not mistake these balls of marble, crystal, and gold for a fashion statement, okay? They are a symbol of the power that Diana has invested in me. I am a mere puppet. Oat milk latte? LIZA I'm just gonna get some tea. LAUREN Ah, good idea. I think I'll join you, yeah. Maybe we can spill some tea together. LIZA Excuse me? LAUREN Okay, last night, I was reviewing the video of Diana's wedding. I, uh, thought I would send her a little highlight reel to watch on her trip. Guess who stole the show. LIZA You and Maggie? LAUREN Not even close. Let's just say that cameraman was circling around you and Charles like a hawk in heat. KELSEY Guys, we have a meeting with that brilliant science writer Jane Campbell from "The New Yorker." LAUREN Ooh, I read that piece that she wrote about jellyfish sex. LIZA And that really fun one about black holes. LAUREN Ugh, she can make any hole fun. JANE When I was a girl, I loved reading the classics: Robert Heinlein, Arthur C. Clarke, Isaac Asimov. Their books inspired me to be the writer I am today. But all written by men. I want to write a book that will make girls fall in love with science fiction the way I did and open a door to a genre that has always had a metaphorical sign on its door: "No girls allowed." LIZA Hmm. JANE So…I decided to take some of the most beloved heroines in literature, "Little Women," and launch them into space. Voilà: "Little Women in Space." LAUREN Oh, my God, yes! LIZA She has no power here. LAUREN No, no, not yes to the book necessarily, but, Kels, I found my party theme. "Little Women in Space," that's me! KELSEY You know, I'm not normally a fan of mash-ups, but…this is so fun, and especially coming from you. You know one thing I never understood? why didn't Jo marry Laurie? LAUREN Ugh, I know. Who wouldn't say yes to a proposal from a handsome and wealthy daddy? But, you know, I guess she gets her punishment when she ends up with Professor Bhaer. JANE In my book, Professor Bhaer goes on a spacewalk and dies. LIZA So you don't feel the need to be faithful to the original? JANE No, but the science will be accurate. It's really a way to explore the gravity of marriage in a zero-gravity world. KELSEY Hmm. LAUREN You know, quick Q, which "Little Woman" got a proposal and didn't tell her friends? JANE That's actually not part of the story line. KELSEY Smart. She would be a very unlikable character. KELSEY Am I crazy? I really liked that pitch. LIZA You want to make an offer? KELSEY I don't know. It's like I can't trust my decisions. Let's talk about it when I get back from Chicago. LIZA Okay. KELSEY Okay. LIZA What do you know? LAUREN Everything. CHARLES Will you marry me? LIZA Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Diana had spy cameras at her wedding? LAUREN What? No, no. I think he just picked up your audio 'cause you're so much taller than everyone else. LIZA Right. Who did you show this to? LAUREN Nobody. Well, nobody and Josh. Girl, why aren't we celebrating? This is big news! LIZA Because I'm not engaged. Not that it's any of your business. LAUREN Liza, as the interim head of communications here, everything is my business, okay? LIZA I just--I-I haven't given him an answer yet. So I would really appreciate it if you just kept this between us. So for now, can you please put that where no one will see it? LAUREN Yeah, of course. Circle of trust. LIZA Thank you…Diva. LAUREN My pleasure, Queen. KELSEY With our diverse range of titles, we expect Millennial to see quarter-to-quarter growth exceeding last year's projections. And as both editor in chief and a new board member, I feel a special obligation to see Millennial succeed creatively and financially. BOARD MEMBER We've done some research, and we have grave doubts about the new name for the company. KELSEY New name? BOARD MEMBER Millennial. It's already dated. It's like you named your company Boomer Print. BOARD MEMBER Who gives a shit about millennials anymore? Empirical is a legacy brand. BOARD MEMBER Remember when Coke changed its name to New Coke? KELSEY No. BOARD MEMBER Exactly. BOARD MEMBER I make a motion we change the name of the company back to Empirical. All those in favor say, "Aye." BOARD Aye. KELSEY Did you know about this? CHARLES Absolutely not. BOARD MEMBER Against? CHARLES Nay. KELSEY Nay. BOARD MEMBER The "ayes" have it. KELSEY We just lost Millennial. Everything's going back to Empirical now. LIZA Wait, what? KELSEY Yeah, the board just voted on the name change. So everything that we've worked for, it's gone, including my relationship. God, I should have never stayed. My instincts are just terrible. LIZA Okay, that's not true. Your instincts are great. They've gotten you this far. And Millennial, it's just a name. KELSEY A name of something that we built. LIZA We are still building something. Don't get stuck on labels. The only thing that matters is the books. KELSEY You're right. You know what? Make an offer on "Little Women in Space." It's silly, but I-I like it. And I trust that writer. LIZA Great. Done. QUINN Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world… CHARLES Quinn. QUINN Hi. What are you doing in Chicago? CHARLES You remember that time when you suddenly pulled your money from my company and I had to find another investor? QUINN Mm. CHARLES Chicago. QUINN Whoops. CHARLES And what brings you here? QUINN I'm meeting with donors to explain why I dropped out of the race. I'm kind of on an apology tour, so…seeing you is pretty karmic. May I? CHARLES Uh, yeah. QUINN Another one for the gentleman. And I'll have what he's having. Thank you. So my Senate campaign crashed and burned. CHARLES Hmm. QUINN That failure was pretty humbling. But it's also the best thing to ever happen to me. CHARLES That's hard to believe. QUINN They say when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And failure is a very good teacher. CHARLES Hmm. QUINN I'm really sorry for treating your company like a toy. My own selfish ego just wanted to win at any cost. CHARLES It's okay. We got through it. QUINN I know. I saw. I'm really glad that the company is back on its feet. And it's my loss, really, not being involved. God, I love publishing way more than I like politics. QUINN & CHARLES QUINN Thanks. Ugh, I don't know what I was thinking. CHARLES You hurt a lot of people, Quinn. And you almost bankrupted my company, so…"I'm sorry" doesn't exactly cut it. QUINN I understand. To your success, Charles. You deserve every bit of it. CHARLES And may you…continue to fail. It suits you. QUINN Finally…a compliment. JOSH Hello. Oh, hi! Get over here. Hi! Hi, baby girl. Hi, you. Hey, here. Just came in the mail today. CLARE Just in time. JOSH Yeah. Daddy's gonna miss you so much, baby girl. Oh, yes, I know. I'm sad too. CLARE We'll be back in a week. I'm not a flight risk. JOSH I know. I know. It's just…You sure you don't want me to come with you to the airport? I can help you get checked in, help with the bags, whatever. ROB These guys going too? CLARE Uh, Josh, this is Rob. I've been meaning to introduce you. ROB It's nice to meet you, Josh. I've heard so many great things about you. And I'm just in love with your daughter. JOSH That is, uh, great. Nice to meet you too, Rob. CLARE See? I've got all the help I need. MAGGIE Well, I turned 30 making out with Debbie Harry at CBGB's. LIZA What? How did that happen? MAGGIE I wish I could remember. It was probably some random blonde chick, but I'm gonna stick to my story. LIZA & MAGGIE MAGGIE Want another drink? LIZA Sure. MAGGIE All right. KELSEY Hey. LIZA Hi, you made it. KELSEY Barely. I shared a car with Charles from the airport. LIZA Yeah, I think I'll spare him this tonight. KELSEY That's a good idea. LIZA Hey, have you seen "Publisher's Lunch"? They just announced we're buying "Little Women in Space." KELSEY "The kookiest mash-up of all time could be amazing or a huge disaster." Huh. That sounds like my life. You know, Lauren's turning 30, and I'm next. Millennials, we're not the young kids on the block anymore. I'm not sure what defines me now. LIZA Look, we're all mash-ups. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that age is irrelevant. KELSEY Mm-hmm. DENISE Oh, thank you so much. I'm a little emotional. I cannot believe that my Lauren is turning 30. I remember the day that she was born like it was yesterday. Of course, she was a tiny little thing, but she twisted my pelvis like a corkscrew. DENISE That was my first time that my Lauren was gonna be anything but normal. Am I right? DENISE All right, so please, everybody, give it up for the woman of the night, our "Little Woman in Space"! LIZA Oh, my gosh! DENISE Oop, I got it, honey. Fix your crotch. Good girl. LIZA Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! KELSEY Ow! LIZA Happy birthday! DENISE Give it up, people. Wasn't she worth all the pain? JOSH So how are you gonna upstage that? LIZA What? JOSH You know, like at Diana's wedding? LIZA Oh, right. You saw that. JOSH I did. So congratulations? LIZA No, not yet. JOSH Mm. LIZA I haven't exactly said yes. JOSH Why not? What are you--what are you waiting for, Liza? LIZA I know you never really liked him. JOSH Come on, that's not true. I do like him…for you. It--it brings me joy to know that you are happy. You deserve that. I want that for you, for real. LIZA Josh, you're so special to me. JOSH Mm. LIZA I always want you in my life. You promise me that. JOSH Yeah. I want you in mine too, always, forever. Relationships don't have to be defined, right? LIZA No, no, they don't. JOSH We know who we are to each other. LIZA We're us. JOSH Yeah. We are us. We're always going to be, no matter…who we're with. LIZA Thank you. Thank you for helping me. JOSH Yeah. Always. Hmm. SINGER Oh, oh, oh. LIZA Hi. CHARLES Hi. I remember this. And this. Mm. LIZA I will never forget when you brought me here. It was just you and me, and nothing else mattered. I don't want to lose that moment, this feeling. CHARLES We won't. LIZA Then can we just keep riding the perfect ride? I've been married, and…it didn't go so well. I love you. And I don't want anything from you except…your heart. I want to be happily unmarried to you every day. CHARLES Wow. That was…not the proposal I was expecting. But I do know what I want. And it's not a ride or some kind of fantasy. I want to get off the carousel. I want a partner in life. LIZA I'm still your partner. CHARLES For life. I-I-I may be old-fashioned, but I believe in marriage. And it may not have worked out for either of us the first time, but I-I believe that it can work again. LIZA And I think we're finally free of needing to define ourselves by those rules and obligations. I want to be everything to you. CHARLES We're not young, Liza. And we both deserve what we really want. Uh, thank you, for letting me know what's in your heart. LIZA Charles… CHARLES Mm-mm. SINGER Didn't you want to talk a little. Didn't you want to talk. CHARLES Good night. SINGER Didn't you want to talk a little. Didn't you want to talk. It's all right to be in shock and struggle. It's all right if you can't talk. Common denominator. SINGER