ARKIE BAND CHUCKY CLUBBERS DEAN DOCTOR_RUSSELL GUARD HOTEL_OWNER JUDY LISA MULDER MULDER_DOUBLE NURSE_1 NURSE_2 SCULLY TV CLUBBERS BAND ARKIE ARKIE Oh, son of a bitch! Phew. Oh, no. What-What the hell do you want? Ah! No! Stop! Let go! Get out! Let go, let go! Stop, stop! Let go, let go! Stop, stop! MULDER Arkie Seavers, age 20. Currently a resident of the county jail. SCULLY What does the other guy look like? MULDER Funny you should ask. Arkie there wasn't in a fight. Car crash, head-on collision into a tree. Drunk as a skunk. SCULLY He's lucky to be alive. MULDER You have no idea. SCULLY Not wearing a seat belt, I suspect. MULDER To hear Arkie tell it, he didn't have time to fasten his seat belt, 'cause he was too busy beating a hasty retreat from the boy he says caused the accident. SCULLY And who was that? MULDER You're looking at him. No, not me. SCULLY What, he blames himself? MULDER In a manner of speaking. SCULLY I don't get it, Mulder. MULDER Arkie, our hapless road warrior, is driving by his lonesome down the highway to hell, when he sees another Arkie, across from him, who grabs the wheel and crashes the vehicle. SCULLY Well, you did say he was drunk. MULDER Yes, and I know what you're gonna say about seeing double and all those hackneyed bromides about not giving the kids the car keys. SCULLY 20 is hardly a kid. MULDER But circumstances bare a curious similarity to the stories told by other good folk who didn't share Arkie Seavers' luck of the Irish, and who also reported seeing their doubles right before dying. SCULLY And how did these people die? MULDER Each by their own hand. SCULLY After seeing their doubles? MULDER According to all reports issuing out of Henrico County, Virginia. SCULLY Reports issues by whom? MULDER Friends, relatives. A doctor. SCULLY And the medical diagnosis is? MULDER A rare form of schizophrenia. MULDER Right. So rare I've never heard of it. MULDER Well, correct me if I'm wrong, Scully, and I know that you will, but schizophrenics have been known to hear voices and have reported hallucinations similar to the ones Arkie reports. SCULLY Hallucinations, yes, but not necessarily grabbing the wheel of a car and ramming it into a tree. MULDER Well, they didn't all die from car crashes into trees. Seven died from hanging, four jumped off a tall bridge, three from. SCULLY This is a mass phenomenon. MULDER Precisely my thinking, Scully, which is why you and I are gonna jump on I-95 south this morning and get back to our bread and butter. ARKIE These the FBI agents? DEAN Agents Scully and Mulder. ARKIE And you filled them in? MULDER We know the facts, Arkie. SCULLY We'd like to hear the details. ARKIE Okay, I-I looked over and he grabbed the wheel and he floored the gas. SCULLY And by "he," you mean? ARKIE I mean, the dude looked just like me. DEAN And, you'd seen him before. ARKIE Yes. Like-like four times. He's been following me for like a week. MULDER That he ever said anything? ARKIE No, I-I-I'd see him in a crowd or-or a window. You know, I thought I was tripping or something. SCULLY And do you take drugs, Arkie? ARKIE No, I'm, uh.yeah, maybe once or twice, I mean. SCULLY And you're in jail because? DEAN Arkie admittedly has a problem. A few previous DUI offenses. SCULLY Exactly how many is a few? ARKIE I don't know, like, six. MULDER So, the judge is gonna throw the book at you. But that's not what we're interested in. We want to know how you came to be the lone survivor. ARKIE Why I'm not dead like all the other people they're talking about, right? MULDER What do you chalk that up to? ARKIE I can tell you. And it's the same reason I can prove I'm not lying. SCULLY You can prove it? MULDER You gotta admit, Scully, the kid's story makes a lot of sense. SCULLY Arkie's double takes control of the wheel. MULDER Yeah, then, Arkie pumps the brakes with his left foot, producing the skid marks that start up yonder. SCULLY Or there's another explanation, of course, which is that Arkie, in his perpetual state of inebriation, falls asleep at the wheel, waking up to find that he's going off the highway, and applying the brakes there. MULDER Yeah, but if he was asleep, he wouldn't have been traveling at such a dangerous rate of speed. SCULLY You're saying you believe him. MULDER No. I'm just saying that I think the kid's too stupid to make it up. DOCTOR RUSSELL Yes, I treated several of the victims manifesting the symptoms. SCULLY Their episodes suggested a pattern of shared hallucinations. DOCTOR RUSSELL A distinct narrative. All saw their doubles. Doppelgangers. MULDER None of these people had had psychiatric problems before? DOCTOR RUSSELL They never received treatment. SCULLY So there were issues? DOCTOR RUSSELL No, but they were arguably not upstanding citizens. MULDER Oh, they had trouble with the law. DOCTOR RUSSELL Not necessarily connoting that they were mentally ill. SCULLY But Doctor Russell, you're diagnosis is of a non-conforming type of schizophrenia. DOCTOR RUSSELL That was my clinical opinion. SCULLY So, they were mentally ill? DOCTOR RUSSELL They became mentally ill. It was almost like a kind of outbreak. SCULLY So, would you say like a mass hysteria? DOCTOR RUSSELL I've never heard of a suicidal mass hysteria. SCULLY Well, a phenomenon known as suicide clusters or suicide contagion have been known to affect whole communities or social groups. MULDER Are you currently treating any patients with those symptoms? DOCTOR RUSSELL Nothing matching that particular pattern. Why do you ask? MULDER This patient here, what's her specific psychiatric diagnosis? DOCTOR RUSSELL Hmm. More in normative schizophrenic. MULDER Could we possibly talk to her? DOCTOR RUSSELL Well, I'd strongly advise against that. SCULLY Why would you say that? DOCTOR RUSSELL Because she exhibits split personality with wild swings in affect from benign to violent. Unless you've got some good reason, I'd steer clear. MULDER I'd like to take a look at her drawings. DOCTOR RUSSELL Judy? You have visitors. JUDY Oh, you should've warned me. I look awful. I look a fright. DOCTOR RUSSELL No one's judging you, Judy. JUDY Ah, not without my coiffure. MULDER You look fine to me. JUDY No, I don't. I don't. Not for such a handsome man as yourself. MULDER My name is Fox, and this is Dana. JUDY You can call me Little Judy. That's what my fans call me. SCULLY Are you an actress, Judy? JUDY I'm a very famous actress. DOCTOR RUSSELL They want to see your drawing. Would you like to show it to them? JUDY Oh, it's nothing. It's just Hangman. MULDER You play a lot of Hangman. JUDY I play with my brother. SCULLY Does he visit you here? JUDY My brother's an insufferable jerk. We play telepathically. MULDER Arkie. You know a.Arkie Seavers? Judy, he just, he.had an accident recently. JUDY I don't know an Arkie Seavers. SCULLY This is just a coincidence? JUDY I don't know an Arkie Seavers. But, she might. ARKIE Hey, listen man, wh-where-where are they taking me? GUARD No, I don't. Transfer. ARKIE F.well, okay, I-I gotta talk to me lawyer first or something. I-I. GUARD Sorry. Can't help you. ARKIE Dude, I mean . O-Okay. Transfer where? GUARD Like I said, can't help you. ARKIE Hey, help, help! He's here! Please, somebody help me! Please, please help me! HOTEL OWNER Coming. MULDER SCULLY Hi, we'd like a couple rooms. HOTEL OWNER Do you have reservations? SCULLY No. Uh, do you have any rooms? HOTEL OWNER I've had a cancellation. It's just a suite. MULDER We'll take it. HOTEL OWNER There's a pullout sofa. SCULLY Okay. MULDER Just trying to get some shut-eye. SCULLY I'm glad to hear it. SCULLY Mulder. What are you doing? MULDER That bed nice and comfy? SCULLY Mulder, go back to sleep. MULDER I wish that I could, Scully. They just found Arkie Seavers dead in his jail cell. DEAN Somebody want to explain this to me? MULDER Who found him there? DEAN One of the trustees. That guy. SCULLY Looks like a suicide. DEAN He was strangled to death. SCULLY Not necessarily, Mr. Cavalier. DEAN He's wearing handcuffs. MULDER It looks impossible, and I admit, it's highly improbably that there was ample case history that it can be done. SCULLY The victim simply spins the belt around, unbuckles it, and fastens it to the bars, loops it around his neck, and uses his body as leverage. DEAN No no no no, Arkie didn't want to die. MULDER I agree with you. DEAN This is an outrage. Now, who is gonna stop this carnage? SCULLY We're working on it. DEAN Well, someone's gotta pay. Arkie did not wanna die. SCULLY I know what you're thinking, Mulder. MULDER Anyone up for a gang of Hangman? SCULLY It's just a coincidence. Judy said that she didn't even know Arkie Seavers. MULDER Not necessarily, Scully. SCULLY Well, she said she didn't know him. MULDER Yeah, she said that she might. SCULLY She also said she was playing telepathically with her brother. MULDER Our suspect number two. CHUCKY God sakes. My one damn day off. MULDER Chucky Poundstone? CHUCKY Speaking of whom? MULDER Fox Mulder, I'm with the FBI. CHUCKY Oh, yeah. With that tasty little redhead. You tapping that special agent or.can Chucky bust a move? MULDER You're that trustee. You found the kid hanged in his jail cell. CHUCKY Yeah, I discovered the moron. Kid has loser written all over him. MULDER Can I ask you a few questions? CHUCKY What? Am I under suspicion? MULDER It's just a few moments of your time. CHUCKY Yeah, well.lucky I just tidied up. MULDER I'm just saying, but you better hope a Fire marshal never comes a callin', he'd red tag you. CHUCKY You calling the marshal? MULDER No. I'm just saying. CHUCKY Ah. Talk about my house. This town needs cleaning up. Seen what you need? Get a sense of what lurks beneath? MULDER I'm an FBI agent, Mr. Poundstone, not an archaeologist. CHUCKY Yeah, well, I got body parts in the fridge. MULDER You play with your sister? CHUCKY My sister's a miserable slut and a damn cheater on top of it. MULDER How does she do that? CHUCKY She cheats. Breaks the rules. MULDER What are the rules? CHUCKY Oh. What are we, amigos now? Bros? Is this you.deftly profiling the mind of Charles H. Poundstone? MULDER It's a simple line of inquiry. CHUCKY Yeah, well, it takes a dipwad to know one. MULDER I take it your twins. CHUCKY Ooh! Powers of deduction. MULDER And she's the good twin. CHUCKY You don't know little Judy. MULDER That begs the question how you both could play a game with the name of the deceased Arkie Seavers in it. CHUCKY I like the name Arkie. Funny name for a no account douchebag. MULDER All right, well, you mind if I take a picture of your wall? For my records. CHUCKY Is this guy a numbnuts or what? MULDER You talking to me? CHUCKY No. I'm talking to him. SCULLY Is she expecting me here today? NURSE 1 We told her you were coming. NURSE 2 Then she flung Dookie at us. SCULLY So this is the other Judy. NURSE 1 We call her "Demon Judy." SCULLY Why is the, uh, light off? NURSE 1 Makes ya a harder target. SCULLY Well, sometimes a split personality responds to a strong persona who challenges the child who's psychotic. NURSE 2 Both parents hanged themselves. SCULLY And you'll come in with me? NURSE 1 No way. NURSE 2 Not a chance. SCULLY Uh. SCULLY Judy, it's Agent Scully. JUDY SCULLY I want you to behave yourself. JUDY I know what you want, bitch. SCULLY I wanna know about Arkie. JUDY Reached the end of his rope. SCULLY I'm not afraid of you, Judy. JUDY Oh yes you are. Everybody's afraid of sweet, Little Judy. SCULLY Is Little Judy a killer? JUDY Little Judy's an angel. SCULLY And what about your brother? Is he involved? JUDY Could be. Chucky Poundstone is the devil's dim-witted disciple. SCULLY Did he kill Arkie Seavers? JUDY Arkie Seavers killed himself. SCULLY Now, how did you know that, Judy, if you weren't involved yourself? JUDY Are you trying to trick me, Agent Scully? SCULLY I want the killing to stop. JUDY Oh. Well, don't you have a heart of gold. What's he see in you, your handsome partner? One taste of Little Judy and he'd forget you even exist. Maybe, I can make you go away too. SCULLY Are you threatening me? JUDY Afraid I'm gonna dirty your cheap little ensemble. You're nothing but a hosebag. How old are you? 40s? Past your child-bearing years. You're all dried up, not even half a woman. SCULLY You can't hurt me, Judy. JUDY Nothing hurts like the truth. SCULLY Just a minute! MULDER Hey. What'd you find out, Scully? SCULLY That Dookie-winging pastor hag sends a short message to your brain. MULDER What message is that? SCULLY To gather the other apes and make war on your dread enemy. MULDER I believe I'm in touch with that feeling, Scully. SCULLY Really? Did you have Dookie flung at you too? MULDER Uhh, figuratively. By the queerest little man in the queerest little house. SCULLY I don't know Mulder, this Judy, she has some malign influence over these victims and I'm at a loss to figure out what it is. MULDER Yeah, I agree, there is some evil in the air, Scully. SCULLY No, it's not evil. It's mental illness. There's some kind of psychic transference. MULDER I wouldn't rule out ghosts. SCULLY Well , except for the fact that they don't exist? MULDER Of course there are ghosts. SCULLY I mean, science has proven that the stimulation of the brain's left anterior insula is linked to the feeling of a sense presence. And that repeated stimulations to an area, the left temporoparietal junction is what promotes the sense of a shadowy figure collectively known as the gestalt gezfin syndrome. MULDER Talk about flinging dookie. SCULLY Mulder, do you think of me as old? MULDER What? Where is that coming from? Uh, maybe in dog years. No. What are you-what are you talking about? SCULLY Well, a woman thinks about these things. MULDER No, Scully, you're.you still got it going on and you still got some scoot in your boot. SCULLY I'm gonna boot you outta here. MULDER Knock three times. CHUCKY Bloodsucking scumbag. You think you're gonna point the finger at me? Four letters, little sister. JUDY Is there an E? Thought so. CHUCKY Top of the morning, Agent Muldoon. What's on your mind? MULDER I wanna know how you do it. CHUCKY Haven't a clue what you mean. MULDER Is your other Chucky here? The one I talked to yesterday. CHUCKY Search me, Agent Muldoon, I am not my brother's keeper. MULDER It's Mulder, and I think this is an act. You choose 'em at the jail, don't you? Losers like Arkie Seavers, who you hanged, if not literally, then psychically. CHUCKY Does that FBI health plan of yours cover anger management, Agent Mulder? MULDER Who's next, Mr. Poundstone? CHUCKY You're asking the wrong guy. MULDER I can have you and your alter ego arrested. I can have you committed. CHUCKY On what legal pretense? MULDER Intent to commit a crime. CHUCKY I've seen many a bad jailhouse lawyer spring far less innocent men than I, Agent Mulder. I'd even venture I'd have grounds to have you censured for abuse of power. MULDER You're going down, Poundstone. CHUCKY Tell it to the hand, G-man. MULDER Oh, that's original. I haven't heard that one before. CHUCKY before I punch you in the face and snatch Little Red Riding Hood! MULDER Hey, there's the Chucky I came for. CHUCKY MULDER And that's the Chucky who's eventually gonna hang himself. NURSE 1 Judy? Excuse me, hon'. Agent Scully's here to see you. JUDY What brings you here today, Agent Scully? SCULLY Do you have any recollection of our exchange that we had yesterday? No memory whatsoever? JUDY You look mad at me. SCULLY I am mad, Judy. I am angry because I need to stop the killings, and I don't know how. JUDY And you blame me, don't you? SCULLY Are you to blame? JUDY I'm an actress, Agent Scully. I've never even played a killer. SCULLY Where is the person that I talked to here yesterday? Where is that Judy? JUDY She's right over there. SCULLY No, she's not. JUDY Sure she is. Just look. SCULLY No she isn't, Judy. And I think that you're pretending that she is. JUDY You mean I'm pretending so I can sit here in this bed all day? SCULLY I think you have some kind of power to influence people's lives. JUDY I think you mean their deaths. SCULLY Yes. That's exactly what I mean. JUDY People can protect themselves. SCULLY How? Protect themselves how? JUDY By taking these pills. I take them every day to protect me from her, and so far, they've worked. MULDER Did the nurses give you these? JUDY Every morning with breakfast. SCULLY Would you consider not playing that game with your brother? JUDY Oh. Well, what would I do in here all day, Agent Scully? I'd go mad. SCULLY SCULLY I have a question for you. Uh, she said that you give these to her at breakfast every morning and that they have secret powers. NURSE 2 That's really only half true. SCULLY That you give them to her at breakfast or that they have secret powers? NURSE 1 We bring her bread every morning and she rolls it into those pills. SCULLY So.these are just bread pills. They have no medicinal qualities. NURSE 1 No. Not that we know of, anyway. NURSE 2 Well, but we both take them. NURSE 1 In case they have secret power. NURSE 2 You might wanna take them too. LISA What'll you have, Dean? DEAN I'll, uh, take the lunch special. No mayo, salad on the side, lightly dressed. And if you bat those baby blues at me, I'll give you a little something on the side too. LISA Oh, promises are like bananas. They're only good when they're appealing. DEAN You know, one day I gotta have you over to my place to see my sword collection. LISA You say that to all the girls. DEAN Hey, did you see that guy? LISA Did I see what guy? LISA Cancel the blue plate! DEAN Agent Scully, I saw him. SCULLY Hold your horses, Mr. Cavalier. DEAN Yeah, he looked just like me. SCULLY Just calm down and you can tell us both what it is that happened. DEAN All right. I saw him through a window, the same way that Arkie said he saw his double. MULDER Was it the first time? DEAN No, no, I, uh, I think I saw him the other day staring at me from a bus stop. SCULLY You're only making it worse. DEAN What do you mean, I'm making it worse? This guy is stalking me. SCULLY You're paranoia is only gonna feed on itself. Y-You know that mass hysteria is just a symptom of fears run wild. DEAN Yeah, well, those people all died. MULDER While I agree with Agent Scully's theory, I do think there's a danger and you should take every precaution against it. DEAN All right. So what should I do? MULDER Stay off the interstate? DEAN SCULLY Do you have a family, Mr. Cavalier? DEAN No, I don't. I live by myself. SCULLY Okay, well, maybe stay home. Uh, take some time off work, lock your doors and-and call the police if you have another panic attack. DEAN Yeah. MULDER Yeah. DEAN Well, that's easy for you to say. MULDER Take my card. SCULLY And just know that it can't haunt you if you don't let it. DEAN Yeah. MULDER Like I said. Clearly there's a dark influence set loose in this town, Scully. SCULLY Well, by dark influence again, I presume you mean evil, Mulder. But there is no such thing as evil. I mean, evil is a concept. Like the devil. MULDER Oh, the devil is a concept. Certainly, that's not what they taught young Dana Katherine Scully at Sunday school, is it? SCULLY Well, I certainly believed in the literal devil when I was a child. MULDER So you don't believe that we as humans have dark sides that we sublimate or repress? SCULLY Well-well, anyone with an imagination can entertain acting out violence or antisocial behavior. That doesn't mean that there's an evil twin lurking inside of us. MULDER Speak for yourself, Scully. And tell that to Chuck and Judy. SCULLY Chuck and Judy are mentally ill, Mulder. MULDER Explain how they're doing it. SCULLY I can't explain it. But if you eliminate the impossible, whatever is remaining, even if improbable, must be the truth. MULDER No sugar, Sherlock. SCULLY But I have to admit, I, uh, still sleep with my back to the door just in case the devil comes in the night. MULDER Can never be too careful. DEAN JUDY Is there an S? Damn you, Chucky Poundstone. DEAN Ah! Ah. SCULLY Oh. Please, Mulder, you've got to quit scaring me like that. MULDER Oh, I'd like to quit. SCULLY Thank you. So, neighbors called police when they saw him acting suspiciously. He was dumping firearms in the driveway. MULDER I take it the doors were locked from the inside when they arrived? SCULLY Yeah, he wasn't responding. They.broke through the window and broke in the door. MULDER Has anybody offered up any evidence for how this could happen? SCULLY Well, it seems everyone's under the agreement that a man can't cut off his own head. MULDER Oh. Good to see there's still a shred of sanity left in this town. SCULLY But, for the record, I have to say, it's not outside the realm of extreme possibility. MULDER Oh, so he just tripped and fell and splattered the walls with blood? SCULLY Oh, if he were a determined man with a razor sharp sword set on creating his own self-fulfilling prophecy. MULDER He was scared out of his mind, Scully. SCULLY Oh, if he was in his right mind, he might've called you. MULDER Oh. Maybe he tried. Only he lost his head. MULDER You coming, Scully? SCULLY MULDER Oh, hey. Speak of the devil. SCULLY I can't sleep, Mulder. MULDER What's the problem? SCULLY Something about this case is getting under my skin. MULDER Well, we've had stranger cases, Scully. SCULLY Can you hold me? MULDER Yeah. I can do that. SCULLY What's gonna happen? MULDER What's gonna happen when? SCULLY When we're old. MULDER What do you mean when? SCULLY I mean, sooner or later we're gonna retire and. MULDER Hmm. SCULLY Are we gonna spend time together? MULDER I'll come push your wheelchair. With my wheelchair. SCULLY That's not what I mean. MULDER Oh, I'll always be around, Scully. Offering bulletproof theories of genius that you fail to assail with your inadequate rationality. SCULLY And I'll always be around to prove you wrong. MULDER Hm. SCULLY Promise. No, but that's not what I mean. MULDER What do you mean? SCULLY What if you meet someone? What if you meet someone younger who wants to have kids? MULDER Oh. That's what you mean. Well, you could do the same. You could meet someone and have kids. SCULLY Mulder, that's not gonna happen. MULDER It's nonsense. SCULLY No, it's not. I'm-I'm at the end of that journey. MULDER Do you wanna have more kids? SCULLY Well.I would have liked to have had another one. MULDER Hm. At the risk of sounding insensitive, what's.stopping you? SCULLY Um.besides the fact that the first time was a miracle? And besides the fact that I don't have anyone to have one with even if I could? MULDER You're a woman of science. SCULLY Mulder, sometimes I think the world is going to hell and that we're the only two people who can save it. MULDER The world is going to hell, Scully. The President working to bring down the FBI along with it. SCULLY I wonder if we lose our jobs. MULDER Yeah. Then what would we do? SCULLY We'll think of something. JUDY All right. Is there an L? I said, is there an L? Are we playing or not, Chuck-face? CHUCKY Earth to Judith, yes your Royal Highness, there is an L. MULDER Scully, get up. Get dressed. SCULLY Mmm, come back to bed. MULDER They're coming after me. SCULLY What are you talking about? MULDER I was looking in the mirror, and there he was. There I was. It wasn't my reflection. It was my double. SCULLY I know. I-I-I saw my double too. MULDER They're targeting us both. SCULLY That's how they operate, Mulder. MULDER I know how they operate! SCULLY You're just playing into it. MULDER Spare me the pop psychology, okay? SCULLY Mulder, you have to calm down. MULDER Scully. Scully, put a dimmer on that afterglow and get yourself to the hospital before they hang us both. SCULLY Mulder, they can't hang us. We-We can only hang ourselves if we panic. MULDER How many letters in Scully, Scully? JUDY Is there another L? What do you mean, no? CHUCKY Just throw a hissy. One L. You know you're in love with him. JUDY Double L, Chuck-face. Who's the one in love? MULDER Chucky Poundstone! CHUCKY No letter C, super-freak. MULDER I know you're in here. CHUCKY I said no letter C. MULDER You're under arrest, Chucky! Put the pencil down. JUDY Who's the cheater now? I think Chucky's in love. SCULLY My rational mind knows that you are only a.a manifest psychic ideation borne of latent hostility. Maybe Mulder was right, you're evil incarnate. It's all you are. MULDER Step aside. I'm coming through. MULDER DOUBLE CHUCKY Is there a J? Oh, look, and a D, and I-T-H. JUDY Is there a C-H-U-C-K-Y? NURSE 1 Not going in there. SCULLY Judy, open the door. Judy! SCULLY Judy? Nurses, get in here. Get Doctor Russell. MULDER So, I was thinking maybe we could get a.couple hours in before checkout time? I'm just talking about getting some shut-eye. SCULLY I'm glad to hear that, Mulder. MULDER Yeah. Uh, I guess I should hit the hay. SCULLY Okay. MULDER Yeah. And if you need anything, you just, uh, call me. SCULLY I can't imagine that I will. TV listen in on calls and communications made by foreigners, particularly foreign government officials. SCULLY But then again, it's not out of the realm of extreme possibility. TV are listening in on a foreign communication.