ALEXANDRA ALVIN ANDY BARACK_OBAMA BOB_LEY CALLIE CASTROS_MALE_ATTORNEY CREWMEMBERS DAVID_STERN DEJA DOC DONALD EBONY ELGIN FEMALE_CASHIER FEMALE_CHRISTMAS_PARTY_GUEST_ONE FEMALE_CHRISTMAS_PARTY_GUEST_THREE FEMALE_CHRISTMAS_PARTY_GUEST_TWO FEMALE_NEIGHBOR FEMALE_NEWSCASTER_ONE FEMALE_NEWSCASTER_TWO FEMALE_PARTYGOER_FIVE FEMALE_PARTYGOER_FOUR FEMALE_PARTYGOER_THREE FEMALE_PATRON FEMALE_REPORTER_TWO FEMALE_TELEVISION_HOST GLADYS GRADY HILLARY_CLINTON JEREMIAH JUSTINE KRIS KRIS_AND_SUSAN MALE_CAPTAIN MALE_CREWMEMBER_ONE MALE_CREWMEMBER_TWO MALE_NEWSCASTER_ONE MALE_NEWSCASTER_TWO MALE_NEW_YEARS_ANNOUNCER MALE_PARTYGOER_ONE MALE_PARTYGOER_THREE MALE_PARTYGOER_TWO MALE_PATRON MALE_RADIO_HOST MALE_REPORTER_ONE MALE_REPORTER_TWO MALE_SPORTS_HOSTS MALE_SPORTS_HOST_ONE MALE_SPORTS_HOST_TWO NEIGHBORS OFFICE_CHRISTMAS_PARTY PARTY_CROWD PASSENGERS RANDALL RICK SCARAMOUCHE SHELLY SPORTS_CROWD SUSAN TAWNY TERRY_WHITE WAITER WILL_SMITH YOUNG_DOC V ALVIN Don't beat yourself up, Doc. You got 'em to play tonight. DOC Yeah. Yeah, I got 'em to play tonight, for better or for worse. ALVIN You didn't have another choice, did you? DOC ALVIN BARACK OBAMA WILL SMITH MALE NEW YEARS ANNOUNCER FEMALE NEWSCASTER ONE The video tape was self-explanatory. FEMALE NEWSCASTER TWO We cannot... MALE REPORTER ONE And the four officers accused of beating Rodney King. TERRY WHITE Well, this-this is the way our system works. Um, you present the evidence to a, uh, impartial trier of fact, and that trier of fact comes to a verdict. And sometimes, you disagree with the verdict, but that's the way the system works. FEMALE CASHIER Brentwood Wild Oats. MALE PATRON Why don't you go on ahead of me? I-- I kind of went overboard. YOUNG DOC Uh, it's fine. I got-- I got a lot too. MALE PATRON Oh, come on. I insist. FEMALE PATRON You can go ahead of me too, if you like. DONALD Um... MALE RADIO HOST ...were attacked by rock-throwers. Two people were pulled from one car. A woman was left lying in the street. A third person in the car was also attacked. Police were nowhere in sight. NEIGHBORS FEMALE NEIGHBOR Doc, hey! KRIS Hey. FEMALE TELEVISION HOST KRIS ELGIN Worry about the verdict, not this. KRIS CHILDREN'S TELEVISION PROGRAM " ...in a tree The monkey chased the weasel The monkey thought it was all in fun Pop goes the weasel" GRADY Oh, come on, baby. You gotta let grandpa win at least one time, okay? JEREMIAH Hi, Daddy! KRIS Oh. YOUNG DOC Hey, baby. CALLIE Hi, Daddy. GRADY Rough commute? YOUNG DOC Yeah, um, our practice space is right off Crenshaw, so here I go... uh, rich kid in a Corvette hauling butt back to Brentwood past kids stealing TVs-- CHILDREN'S TELEVISION PROGRAM " A dollar for a slice of cake A dollar for a Yo-Yo That�s the way the money goes Pop goes the weasel" JEREMIAH Why'd they steal TVs? KRIS Because some people aren't as fortunate, sweetie. CHILDREN'S TELEVISION PROGRAM " A double bag of chocolate chips As sweet as sticky maple Mix it up and make it nice Pop goes the weasel Pop, pop, woo" YOUNG DOC Because they're angry. And heck, me too. GRADY Oh, please. YOUNG DOC And for a second, forget the playoffs. If I didn't have y'all waiting for me, I would've been out there. KRIS You don't mean that. YOUNG DOC I do mean that. KRIS You don't believe in.. i-in people destroying their own neighborhoods. YOUNG DOC They're own neighborhoods, Kris? CALLIE/JEREMIAH YOUNG DOC Tho-- Those kids don't own a Radio Shack. They don't own anything. Give me the phone. I'm calling Bob Costas. KRIS Why do you wanna call Bob Costas? YOUNG DOC You said it's awful. What do you mean by awful? KRIS What do you mean "What do I mean?" YOUNG DOC Which part is awful? Maybe we need to show people like you that what's awful is we finally got them on tape, and it didn't change a thing. KRIS People like me? You think that I don't care about that above everything else. You don't think that I'm out of my mind that those officers got away with what they did to that poor man? GRADY Uh, Jeremiah, now, while your folks are yappity yapping, why don't you go help your mom unpack the shopping? JEREMIAH KRIS GRADY And make sure you put my ice cream away first. YOUNG DOC KRIS I'm good, sweetie. Go ahead and take your sister to the playground. Let's go... GRADY You ain't calling no damn Bob Costas. And why you pick a fight with your wife? Three kids. You went a little deep to get mad at her for being White now. She wasn't on that damn jury. YOUNG DOC That damn jury, they're gonna regret for what they did today. GRADY Well, I wouldn't wait around on it. You really that surprised on who they sided with out in, uh, Sammy Valley. YOUNG DOC Simi Valley. No. Um... I'm just, I'm just looking around, like, "Did I go down a road where I'm cut off from who I am?" So, Elgin comes into practice today, and he tells us they acquitted the cops. There's a curfew, and we gotta go home. And I looked at him and asked him about the game tomorrow. He looked at me like I was the most disappointing person in history. GRADY So, Elgin made you feel like a sellout, and now you're trying to tap into your inner Malcolm X. YOUNG DOC Dad... GRADY Answer me this. Who the bigger sellout? The one playing for Donald Sterling for one year? Or the one who signed on to be his GM indefinitely? YOUNG DOC Who's that? GRADY Mm-mm. I've got this. This is why it's good to have a cop in the family. SUSAN Hi, I'm Susan. I hope you don't-- GRADY It's just some White lady. SUSAN Oh. No. Hi, I'm Susan. YOUNG DOC SUSAN Ugh, it's awful. I had to get in the backyard and just pick. KRIS Susan, more oranges. SUSAN Is it oppressive? How ya holding up, Doc? Are they canceling the playoffs? GRADY Doc was just asking himself the same thing. GRADY Remember that summer I put you in that expensive-ass basketball camp. I come home from patrol and you was crying-- YOUNG DOC I don't remember crying. GRADY You was crying, talking some you didn't wanna go back, because them White boys was calling you "nigger." YOUNG DOC Yeah, nobody called me that before. GRADY And what'd I tell you? YOUNG DOC "I better show them who this nigger is." GRADY Mm, you goddamn right. Now look where you at. You got this big-ass house. You got yourself a gazebo. YOUNG DOC It's a pergola. GRADY White ladies bringing you oranges. YOUNG DOC You think what I do makes a difference in how White folks see me? GRADY I know it do. YOUNG DOC They let me cut in line too. Because they scared of me. GRADY Nobody's scared of you. YOUNG DOC First game of this series against the Jazz. We're in Salt Lake, and I'm at the free-throw line, and I look out and I see 18,000 White faces looking at me, cursing at me at the top of their lungs. GRADY You on the other team. YOUNG DOC And I got the owner screaming at me too! It's like I'm their fucking property! If they make money off of me, great. Otherwise, they don't care if I'm dead in the street! GRADY Here you go crying again. YOUNG DOC I'm not crying. I'm fucking angry. GRADY Hide it. You make White folks feel comfortable. That's why they let you have all this. You feel caught in between. That's good. That means you're successful. I love the life you have built, and you ain't gonna screw it up on a boycott. Would Jordan do that, hmm? Please tell me that ain't that low-salt crap. YOUNG DOC KRIS This crap will get you to 100, Dad. GRADY Hmm. Oh, you... Well, y'all true Californians now, huh? Trying to live forever. I'm good. Uh, you gonna get carpal tunnel carrying that all by yourself. SUSAN I think we all need a heavy pour. KRIS Hello. YOUNG DOC SUSAN Here's oranges. KRIS Thank you, Susan. YOUNG DOC Of course. KRIS All right. Oh my goodness, guys. SUSAN Who wants a drink? YOUNG DOC I will. SUSAN Just you a little bit, right? KRIS I know, it's been-- Yes, just said I could have... YOUNG DOC SUSAN Just a touch. KRIS Yeah. SUSAN It's a French wine. It's my favorite. KRIS Oh, good. SUSAN I love these little things, what are they called? KRIS Oh, they're Coronation. SUSAN The little-- Coronations. KRIS Yes, and when I was pregnant-- SUSAN I just call them mini, mini pickles. KRIS I have been craving those, right, honey? SUSAN Oh. KRIS I've been, I mean absolutely craving... KRIS AND SUSAN MALE REPORTER TWO Is she reality TV's number one bad girl, or the most misunderstood woman in America? Whatever you think about Omarosa Manigault, you can't deny that she has people talking. And using her and the scandal that surrounds her antics to sell magazines, newspapers, and television shows to the masses. V No, I already told the last customer service representative, it's my mother's account. Stupid ass. V No, not you. Ma'am, not you. MALE CREWMEMBER ONE Mm, that looks good. V I'm calling on my mom's behalf, because English isn't her first language. MALE CREWMEMBER TWO MALE CREWMEMBER ONE And not just talking about the food. V Sorry, is there something wrong with your breakfast burrito? Okay, so then keep the service area clear, please. Thank you. Last time she called to have her interest rate lowered, and you increased her credit limit instead. MALE CREWMEMBER ONE Everyday, this is what I get. DEJA That's enough, thank you. V I agree. She and only she is responsible for her spending habits, but I'm paying the bill, so... Oh, could you hold, please. Do-- Don't hang up. It's just that there's a, um, there's a child with a box of matches. Dennis, hi! I was just gonna text you. I feel so good about the-- V What? Not even a callback? V Well, did you tell them it doesn't have to be Flavor of Love? I can do any of their shows. What, they didn't like my new head shots? You told me to do black and white! You said it would add mystique! Fuck! DEJA Hi, excuse me. V Hi, what's up? DEJA I was going to get the Matthew McCona-berry smoothie, but I don't want to contribute to your nervous breakdown. V I'm good. Sorry. Almond milk? DEJA That's my girl. "Catering to the Stars." I mean, it's a pizza ad. V Isn't your boyfriend the director? DEJA Oh my God, no. V DEJA So, are you an actress too? V More a personality. I'm getting into reality TV. DEJA Wow, what a coincidence. There's a party going on tonight, some reality producers there. You should come. V I have an early call tomorrow, and I'm kind of broken out. DEJA You wanna be famous? Find the people who can make things happen in this town, drunk at a party. Make a good impression. Someday, the stars will cater to you. V I'm Vanessa. Um, just to say, I-I know who you are. I saw you on Spring Break Challenge, and I-I read your book. DEJA I knew I liked you. V DEJA Here, put your address. I'll pick you up at 9:00. It's a mask party. PARTY CROWD DEJA Okay? V I-- I don't get it. I thought you were going to pick me up. I didn't realize it was going to be in a party bus. DEJA What's wrong with a party bus? It's a party. Here. The Trix rabbit is kind of not the vibe. Come on. WAITER V No, thanks. V Yeah. Thanks. V So, there's no hot food. V An optometrist and an optician. RICK Mm-hmm. TAWNY Yeah. V Hmm, what's the difference? RICK Well, I just read numbers off a phoropter. Tawny is an artist. TAWNY You'd be amazed at how many faces are ruined by a bad frame. Most people can't tell you whether they're square or heart-shaped. V Mm, what am I? TAWNY Oval. You can wear anything. V Can I come by your store? RICK Oh, next time you're in Scottsdale. V Wait, you came all the way from Arizona? TAWNY Yeah. RICK We never miss a Sanctuary party. V Um... RICK Nope, nope, no. We've been to, uh, let's see, Mexico City, Reykjavik, Minneapolis/St. Paul-- TAWNY We're Delta Platinum because of Sanctuary. RICK Yeah. V Oh. RICK Yeah. TAWNY RICK Oh. TAWNY Oh. V Hmm? Oh my God. Oh my God! N-- No. I don't-- DEJA Hey, what's the matter? PARTY CROWD DEJA Did somebody do something to you? V An optometrist stuck his finger in my ass. DEJA Why were you talking to an optometrist? V Oh my God. Are you a pimp or something? DEJA No. If you're not in the mood, just eat the canap�s and look pretty. V I don't think I can even really be here. I'm on probation. DEJA Probation? For what? V Shoplifting at Old Navy. DEJA Ugh, listen, there's plenty of overpaid, under-fucked men in there. So, if the spirit moves you to get a little frisky, there are worse places to catch a sugar daddy. V I don't need a sugar daddy. That's how they get control of you. DEJA No, you don't need a sugar daddy, which is why you're boosting baby doll dresses from Old Navy. You have to bargain with the Devil if you want to get ahead. I know you have dreams of getting discovered, but that never happens. V You were discovered. It says so in your book. DEJA Yeah, but in real life, I was a high school junior who showed her chest for a Girls Gone Wild t-shirt, and one of the producers took me under his wing. But it all worked out though, right? Bus leaves at 7:00 a.m. MALE PARTYGOER ONE Oh yeah! Yeah! Yeah! PARTY CROWD V Oh my God. MALE PARTYGOER TWO Who is that? FEMALE PARTYGOER THREE V Sorry. SCARAMOUCHE Huh? V SCARAMOUCHE Hiding out? V Oh, um, I just don't feel very well. SCARAMOUCHE Oh, poor baby. What is it? V I have, uh... diarrhea. SCARAMOUCHE Oh, yucky. It's my house. V Hmm. SCARAMOUCHE There you are. V Mm. Thanks. Um, I should let you get back out there. SCARAMOUCHE Well, I kind of like the view in here. I like you. Bad, bad baby. V I'm not bad. SCARAMOUCHE Well, you put the light under the other room and made everybody shy. V Nobody seems that shy. So, what are you, like a porn guy? SCARAMOUCHE I'm a sports agent. My clients play all over the world, and I'm on the road a lot. V Do you go to a lot of Sanctuary parties? SCARAMOUCHE Oh, yeah. It's kind of like my thing, you know? What about you? Is this your first time? V Yes, I'm a virgin. SCARAMOUCHE I see. Waiting for Mr. Right, huh? FEMALE PARTYGOER FOUR Oh, thank you! SCARAMOUCHE Or how about Mr. Right Now? V SCARAMOUCHE Who are you? Did Deja bring you? V Nobody brought me. I'm from the future. SCARAMOUCHE Oh yeah? V Yeah. SCARAMOUCHE Mm. V Mm. SCARAMOUCHE Mm. Mm, fuck! V Oh, what happened? SCARAMOUCHE It's my veneer. It popped out. It's happened a few times before. Really, it's-it's no big deal. FEMALE PARTYGOER FIVE MALE PARTYGOER THREE Whoa, what the heck? PARTY CROWD FEMALE PARTYGOER FOUR Where's the first aid kit? SCARAMOUCHE It's over there. It's-- It's in the hallway closet. Jesus Christ, I swear I'm never doing this again. If you want to know the God's honest truth, whenever I-I-I do one of these things, I always wind up in the kitchen. V Well, that's hot. SCARAMOUCHE Yeah. Hot. Exactly. V Look at your place. Look at all your amazing stuff. SCARAMOUCHE V You don't have to prove anything. SCARAMOUCHE I use an art consultant. A music consultant. I've got a stylist. Look at me. I still look like shit. When I travel, 90% of the time, I just stay in my suite. My mother always told me, "You're a leach on the talent class." V Well, it takes talent to discover talent. SCARAMOUCHE Jesus, I keep having this recurring dream that-that my teeth are falling out. I looked it up. It means I'm insecure about sex, and now my fucking teeth are falling out for real! V Well, in my world, sex doesn't make a man. SCARAMOUCHE Bad news, Future Girl: the world that you're trapped in is mine. V Well, the world sucks, and everyone knows it. Shouldn't we try to change it? SCARAMOUCHE Is that what you're doing here tonight? Being the change? V I'm just trying to get somewhere. It sounds childish, but you know that song, Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid? That's how I feel, like I'm way down below. No one can even hear me. And there's this whole other level to life, and that's where all the good stuff is. That's where I can be happy. And I'm always thinking, "The people up there, do they even appreciate what they have?" Like, have you ever even cooked a meal in this kitchen? SCARAMOUCHE What do you think? V Look at this knife. It's probably worth, like, a thousand dollars. SCARAMOUCHE I wouldn't know. It was a Christmas gift from Shaq. V I think you need someone to help you appreciate how amazing your life is. I think you need someone that can show you how beautiful a sunset is from the window of a Hyatt. I think you need someone that you can take to a client dinner and not worry about them having expectations about... mm, performance. SCARAMOUCHE Hmm. V Feels good to be really honest with someone, right? What are you thinking? SCARAMOUCHE I'm thinking, "When are you gonna rub my feet?" DEJA So good to have you. PARTY CROWD SCARAMOUCHE Well, quite a night. V Thank you. SCARAMOUCHE You look lovely. V SCARAMOUCHE For my little knife-wielder. V Aw. Aw. Oh, thank you. SCARAMOUCHE Hope you enjoy it. V I will. Bye. SCARAMOUCHE Bye. V Hi. Um, uh, my truck broke down. No, well, it broke down, and then it was hit by a big rig. S-- So, you'll have to find someone else. Sorry. DEJA The honey badger got you car service. Wasn't so bad, was it? V No. DEJA Did you just lay back, and say, "I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich." V I kept his tooth. DEJA V Bye. HILLARY CLINTON Let's give America the kind of comeback that New Hampshire has just given me. SHELLY It's so inflamed. JUSTINE God, it is like the Eye of Sauron. Lance it. SHELLY No, no. It will heal on its own. JUSTINE Tim stepped on a sea urchin once in St. Lucia. SHELLY Mm-hmm. JUSTINE Wouldn't let me get the splinter. Almost lost his foot. DONALD It's an ingrown hair, and Tim is a moron. JUSTINE SHELLY Oh, Donald-- JUSTINE No, it's true. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to see that we were on such different journeys. SHELLY Oh. DONALD Aaron Spelling died. A grown man obsessed with the friendships of teenagers, a little seedy. But who am I to knock a winning formula? There's something wrong with this orange. SHELLY JUSTINE Twenty-five years of marriage, you... you get into rou-- uh, routines, and then one day you realize, "I have absolutely no idea who my husband is." And you find out he is someone who buys $3,000 thigh-high boots for his gyrotonics instructor. SHELLY You couldn't have known, Justine. JUSTINE Yeah, well... What's this? DONALD Bullshit. SHELLY Oh, it's just a bogus lawsuit. A non-profit group bullied some of our tenants in Koreatown into suing us. People don't know the cost of upkeep of apartment buildings. The carpet's alone. It's simple economics. JUSTINE You're scaring me. I don't even know what a one-bedroom rents for. SHELLY Don't worry. You can stay here until you can support yourself with your jewelry business. DONALD Or until some old stallion comes along and snaps you up with your bedroom eyes. Uh, you could do okay out there if you showed a little d�colletage, as they say, in the Champs-�lys�es. SHELLY Donald, go and get changed. Randall will be here in an hour. DONALD I'll finish that. "Real cherries." Hmm. JUSTINE I feel like such a mess. SHELLY JUSTINE You and Don seem like you're in such a good place. SHELLY We are. JUSTINE Hmm. DONALD She gets totally naked, and the limo driver says, "What's going on?" She doesn't care, starts sucking me off. And I thank her. I thank her for making me feel good. She's 500 bucks a night and worth every dime. CASTROS MALE ATTORNEY Mr. Sterling, the question was, "Is this your handwriting?" DONALD Which part? CASTROS MALE ATTORNEY "Happy birthday, Alexandra. You are fabulous and delicious. I adore you more than words can express." And then, with the heart sign and the X's. What you might write to someone you care for. A girlfriend. DONALD Is it uncommon to tell a prostitute she's delicious? When she comes to my office, and gets me hot and wet, I'd give her anything. It's a con. CASTROS MALE ATTORNEY Did you call my client "honey" on occasion? DONALD If you're having sex with a prostitute, you call her "honey" if you don't remember the name. CASTROS MALE ATTORNEY Did you take her to Paris? DONALD I took her to Paris for sex. It was all money for sex. Sex for money, money for sex. ALEXANDRA We took my mother to Paris, because Donny and I were in love. He said, "Mommy, take her to the Champs-�lys�es. Spend as much as you want. A million dollars a day, and you wouldn't get through my fortune." SHELLY Well, there you go. In her own deposition, it was a transactional relationship. Who's to even say this is her mother? It could be one of her hooker friends. ALEXANDRA I've been employed as a manicurist, but Donny didn't want me to work. We talked about starting a family. Out of nowhere, he said I didn't make him feel good anymore. I got served with this lawsuit three days later. SHELLY Uh, she dreamed up this fictional relationship to justify keeping the house she conned him into buying for her. RANDALL Look, I know that you were hoping to reclaim the gifts you gave Alexandra, Mr. Sterling, but I wanna recommend that you settle. We have more profound legal problems looming. It looks like the DOJ has resolved to bring a suit against you for housing discrimination. SHELLY I-- I thought it was just a non-profit group. RANDALL If the DOJ prevails, it'll be on behalf of your tenants, not just in Koreatown, but all over the city. DONALD Settle my ass. JUSTINE I found the mini bagels Donald wanted and onion. Dammit, Justine! Not onion. And I got organic oranges. Here's your AmEx. And I got the finishing touch to the peque�o regalo that I've been making for you. You hate it. SHELLY I love it. JUSTINE Shelly, y-you know, I-I-I am a little bit psychic, and in my position, I am no one to judge. SHELLY Don and I have been dealing with a stalker he had, a con artist who got him to buy her a house. Well, it turns out that maybe she was his girlfriend and that Don and this woman were even going to have children together. And that Donald wanted me to sue her for her house, not because she was a con artist, but because they broke up. And now, the Justice Department is looking into that stupid housing discrimination suit. SHELLY I don't understand. So, they say it's discrimination. SHELLY They say it's not right to put the Korean flag in our ads, because it's telling tenants we prefer Korean applicants over o-other races. Um... one woman, in the suit, they're saying that she died because of us. JUSTINE Well, that can't be true. SHELLY Well, she is dead. JUSTINE How did she die? SHELLY A stroke. Distress, her daughter testified. When she rang for repairs, one of our supervisors reported that Don said, "Is she one of those Black people who smell? Just evict the B-I-T-C-H." This is all what Randall told us. We haven't listened to the tenant depositions. JUSTINE I think we should listen to the deposition. Listen to the daughter. SHELLY No JUSTINE Shelly, one thing I am learning on my divorce journey, you cannot change the past, but you have to confront it. Y-- You've already listened to the girlfriend. SHELLY JUSTINE That was brave. Now, let's keep going. EBONY My name is Ebony Jones. My mother Kandynce was the plaintiff in the lawsuit against Donald and Shelly Sterling. She died last year. My mother was an award-winning hairstylist who trained with Vidal Sassoon. When I was 12, my mother developed sickle cell anemia, which took her eyesight. She was still so stylish. People didn't realize she was blind. My mother had already lived in the Ardmore for eight years when the Sterling�s bought it. At first, the toilet broke. My mother had to dispose of her waste in plastic bags. One day I came over, and my mother was standing in three inches of flood water. They didn't want to fix anything. They just wanted her to leave. And I was like, "Mom, you have to move out," but she wouldn't. And she told me, "You have to stand for something or you stand for nothing." SHELLY JUSTINE How are you feeling? SHELLY Sad, but good for confronting it. JUSTINE Mm. SHELLY Thank you. JUSTINE Are you gonna talk to her? To Ebony? SHELLY What for? JUSTINE To take responsibility. Could be very healing for her. SHELLY And if she told people I apologized? You're asking me to break publicly with Donald. JUSTINE You mean the guy who told you his girlfriend was a con artist so you would sue her? What do you think Donald would say if he saw that deposition? He'd call Ebony Jones a B-I-T-C-H too. Look, I ditched the bad guy. And I am here to tell you from the other side, life is much less stressful. There's nobody keeping you awake, snoring. SHELLY JUSTINE You don't have to wear makeup. And you and I, we could go to Bollywood night at the bowl. We-- We could find a great Ethiopian place. We could go to Canyon Ranch and get every kind of massage. SHELLY Sounds nice. SHELLY Her number's right here. Let's call her. SHELLY What, now? JUSTINE Hmm? MALE SPORTS HOSTS SHELLY Listen, I think we should settle. Those depositions are gonna go public, Donald. MALE SPORTS HOST ONE would have been in the papers today and over the weekend, there's a shot by Thomas for three. SHELLY If we draw this out, some reporter is gonna quote you going on about sucking and licking, and everyone's gonna read all the horrible things the tenants say about us. DONALD So? People throw away their newspapers. People forget. SHELLY It could be a problem with the NBA. DONALD Do you think David Stern is gonna touch a hair on my pubic region? MALE SPORTS HOST ONE DeAllen slams it inside! DONALD He just got a thirty million dollar extension as commissioner because of my committee. Nobody's coming after us. You're being paranoid. MALE SPORTS HOST TWO If they run, they wanna run... MALE SPORTS HOST ONE The building is quiet, anxious, waiting for . MALE SPORTS HOSTS SHELLY Oh, Donald, your cyst popped! DONALD Gladys has a spray. SHELLY Ugh! Get off my sofa. You're like Pigpen in Peanuts. You leave a mess everywhere. Go away! I want you out! DONALD What? Are you talking about splitting up? GLADYS You want me to take these to Goodwill? SHELLY No, honey. Put them in Mr. Sterling's taxi, and let's wash the bed linen. GLADYS Okay. SHELLY Get his smell out of here. SHELLY Hmm. CREWMEMBERS ELGIN Mm-hmm. Yeah. FEMALE REPORTER TWO BOB LEY Now, Richard David Stern has instituted a mandatory dress code. SPORTS CROWD BOB LEY The dress code applies to players at game arenas and while traveling to and from games. BOB LEY Now, consider Richard "Rip" Hamilton. Under the new dress code, he would have three strikes. BOB LEY He's wearing a medallion outside his clothing. That is a violation. He is also wearing headgear, presumably not approved by his team, or quote, "appropriate to the event." BOB LEY And he is not wearing a collared dress shirt or a turtleneck. DAVID STERN We're looking for some more uniformity and some sense of professionalism. OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY FEMALE CHRISTMAS PARTY GUEST ONE FEMALE CHRISTMAS PARTY GUEST TWO FEMALE CHRISTMAS PARTY GUEST THREE DONALD Give me that. What a good girl. Mwah! Wonderful. Let's go sit here for a minute, will you? FEMALE CHRISTMAS PARTY GUEST THREE Yeah. ANDY It's a respectful offer, Elgin. ELGIN It's a termination letter. ANDY What? No, no. No, you're-- you're still a part of the organization. It's a-- It's a new role. A transition. ELGIN A transition to making half my salary, so you can use my name without having to hear my voice. ANDY Oh, Elgin, come on. Don't-- Don't be like that. It's Christmas. It's a-- It's a party. We haven't even done Secret Santa yet. Okay, I'm your Santa. Uh, I-I got you a Wii Fit. ELGIN I don't want to a Wii Fit. ANDY Oh. ELGIN I want my job. ANDY Elgin, you served the Clippers for 22 years as GM. That's-- That's something to crow about. I mean, only-only 30 of those jobs in the whole world. ELGIN And I've been to lowest paid by a long shot. ANDY From a certain viewpoint, you know, uh, other franchises are more lucrative and other GMs, frankly, have a better track record, so... ELGIN Oh. ANDY So, s-some people, given those facts, might look at this, and say, "Heck, you make a lot of money." ELGIN Andy, don't play with me. ANDY Hmm? ELGIN For years, I've put up with being called the worst GM in NBA history, taking all the heat for our sorry record. Even in this dang office, I hear colleagues talking over the bathroom stalls. "Elgin's got no vision. Elgin's apathetic." And not once did I said a word about all the trades that I couldn't get Donald to approve. Not once have I told a reporter about the bare bones operation we've had for years. ANDY Hmm. ELGIN Losing kills me, Andy. You never won anything so you don't know. It kills me. But I thought, "Why tell the world?" You get embarrassed on a play, you don't let your opponent know. But the things I could have done for this team if I had been given the resources. ANDY Okay, uh... When I get to feeling down, you know what I do? I look in the mirror, and I say to myself, "You know how lucky you are to have had this incredible career in the NBA?" ELGIN You were 25 when you started with the Clippers. What had you accomplished? Good grades. You are lucky. ANDY Oh. ELGIN I was-- ANDY No, true. That was a bad comparison, and you were great. You-- One of the greats. Okay, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna go back out there. Um, there are a lot of our colleagues who would love to have one last happy night with you. ELGIN I want to talk to Donald. ANDY Um, well, he's at-- he's at a charity event. Look, Elgin, if-if he'd known that you were gonna be so unhappy with our offer, he would've wanted-- ELGIN He was just here. ANDY And now he's tied up, my friend. ELGIN Call him and tell him I'm going to sue. ANDY Sue? For what? ELGIN Unlawful termination. ANDY No, Elgin, you're not being fired. ELGIN Racial discrimination for years. ANDY You-- Okay, who-who... who-- Who are you accusing of racial discrimination? ELGIN Donald. ANDY ELGIN You. ANDY M-- Me? Me? Me? ELGIN You and Donald and the NBA. ANDY You're gonna sue the NBA? ELGIN What was David Stern doing while Donald was paying millions to make housing discrimination suits go away? What was the commissioner doing while Donald was screaming at the young men who played for us, destroying their confidence? The commissioner was making sure our players didn't wear baggy pants. ANDY He was trying to make the league successful internationally, Elgin, you know that. He couldn't do that with a-- ELGIN With what? Look around, Andy. Donald may be the only owner talking like he's on the plantation, but he's not the only one acting like it. ANDY So, what? It's just one big conspiracy. ELGIN How many Black owners are there? ANDY Okay, well, now you're getting into who has the money in this country and-- ELGIN Okay. Let's count Black executives. ANDY Starting with you? ELGIN Fine, why did Donald hire me? Did you ever wonder that? ANDY Why? ELGIN To entice players he wouldn't pay. ANDY Oh, I... Yeah, okay, fine, but you spent your entire life in the NBA. You're the worst possible messenger. People are gonna think, "If Elgin was really so unhappy, why didn't he just leave?" ELGIN With the stain on me from this team's reputation, where was I going to go? ANDY ELGIN You can understand that. ANDY Elgin, you're gonna lose. ELGIN People need to know. ANDY MALE NEWSCASTER ONE A jury rejected Elgin Baylor's claim of discrimination by the NBA and Donald Sterling today, giving the league a resounding victory over the former GM. MALE NEWSCASTER TWO One OG who doesn't get enough recognition is Elgin Baylor, first to play above the red, averaging more points per game than LeBron. MALE NEWSCASTER ONE When he was with the Lakers, a segregated hotel in West Virginia wouldn't give the Black players rooms. So, Elgin boycotted the game. MALE NEWSCASTER ONE The first ever boycott in the NBA. MALE NEWSCASTER TWO The situation in Los Angeles forced the NBA to reschedule Game 4 of Jazz/Clipper series. No word on when the playoffs might resume, but the unrest has Clipper's GM, Elgin Baylor, wondering if this moment is bigger than basketball. ELGIN I think what's going on here in Los Angeles is far more important than playing a basketball game. We were excited about getting to the playoffs. First time we've been in the playoffs since we've been the Clippers, but I think everyone's put that in the backburner. MALE NEWSCASTER TWO So, the fourth game of the Jazz/Clippers series is now set for tomorrow afternoon. The game was originally scheduled for the LA Sports Arena... YOUNG DOC DONALD Why are you on my court? YOUNG DOC MALE CAPTAIN Ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching our... SHELLY Wakey-wakey, honey. We're back. DOC PASSENGERS DOC