ALI_BABA ALI_BABA_SPIRIT BABY BOB_CRATCHIT CHILDREN CRYER DRIVER FACTORY_WOUNDED_WOMAN FRANKLIN_SCROOGE HEADMASTER MAN MARLEY MARTHA MARY MILL_OWNER MINER MINERS PEOPLE SCROOGE SCROOGE_7YA SPIRIT SPIRIT_ALI_BABA SPIRIT_BUSINESSMAN SPIRIT_MINER TIM WOMAN YOUNG_EBENEZER YOUNG_LOTTIE SCROOGE How many "Merry Christmases" are meant and how many are lies? MARY There's no need for Tim to keep on writing letters of thanks every single Christmas. SCROOGE To pretend on one day of the year... BOB CRATCHIT You understand? SCROOGE That the human beast is not the human beast. CHILDREN Merry Christmas, sir! SCROOGE Go away. SCROOGE Humbug. TIM You're worse than old Scrooge. SCROOGE I sense you are angry with me. As if you were suddenly careless of your situation. BOB CRATCHIT I know the narrowness of my situation. SCROOGE Marley? MARLEY MARLEY My name's Marley. I'm dead. Who are you? SPIRIT I am the ghost of Christmas past. Together, you and Ebenezer Scrooge profaned the spirit of humanity. PEOPLE FACTORY WOUNDED WOMAN You! You! SPIRIT Only together can you repent. SCROOGE Humbug! I will say. "Repent what?" I will say. MARLEY The first of the three spirits will come tonight when the clock strikes midnight. Prepare ye. MARLEY SPIRIT Well? MARLEY Well, I did as you asked. I called on Ebenezer and I-I told him he'd be visited by three Spirits. And I urged him-- no, I pleaded with him, to hear what the Spirits have to say. And he replied with one word. I'll spell it for you. H-U-M-B-U-G. And he settled in his chair, and he... oh... what's the point? The only way anyone could ever soften Scrooge's heart would be with a mincing knife and a cup of warm gravy to make some kind of unpleasant pudding. Let's face it, I'm stuck here forever. And what do you care, anyway? Hey? To you, we're just numbers on a list in your celestial inventory. SPIRIT Nevertheless, having observed this Ebenezer Scrooge, I relish a challenge. I'll show him his most treasured memory and tortured nightmare. And like the many thousand souls before him, he will beg forgiveness. ? In Dublin's fair city ? ? Where the girls are so pretty ? ? I once set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone ? ? As she wheeled her wheelbarrow ? ? Through streets broad and narrow... ? BOB CRATCHIT Why are you awake, my love? PEOPLE MARY I'm excited. It'll soon be Christmas. BOB CRATCHIT Mary? Is there something you want to tell me? If the money you received was not sent by some mysterious cousin in America... who did send it? And why? MARY Let Christmas be, Bob, please. Just let Christmas be. Listen. It's almost here. BOB CRATCHIT And when Christmas is done, you'll tell me who. PEOPLE SCROOGE Come, Spirit. Change me. Try. Is that you, Spirit? Do ghosts have bells attached to them? Erasmus? Erasmus, is th-- is that you? It is you. Oh... The best Christmas present I ever had. Oh.. Still with the ribbon and bell my sister put around your neck. So, you are the spirit I was promised. And the lesson I am meant to learn by your miraculous appearance is that even a small rodent, reviled, trapped, poisoned every other day of the year, can, on Christmas day, with the addition of a bit of silk and gold leaf, become a precious gift for a small child, as you were for me. Well, little spirit, if you think my heart would melt on the warmth of your memory, you have no idea what you are up against. So, the grand visitation is over. Time for a celebration. A rat wrapped in a ribbon is no match for reason. FRANKLIN SCROOGE ? In Dublin's fair city ? ? Where the girls are so pretty ? ? I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone ? SCROOGE No. Please, not you. FRANKLIN SCROOGE ? She wheeled a wheelbarrow ? ? Through the streets broad and narrow ? ? Crying "Cockles and mussels..." ? SCROOGE You are dead. We buried you. FRANKLIN SCROOGE ? "...alive, alive, oh..." ? SCROOGE No, not alive. Please. Not this. FRANKLIN SCROOGE ? "Alive, alive, oh ? ? Alive, alive, oh," ? ? Crying "Cockles..." ? Ebenezer? Ah. Awake, are ye? Ebenezer. Ebenezer. Your little prayers on my behalf were no use. They did me this afternoon. Over tea and biscuits. Did me up proper. They took the lot, every fucking thing! They covered my arse with tallow and set it alight like a cat. SCROOGE Spirit, if this is your doing, please make him go away. FRANKLIN SCROOGE What did ye say? SCROOGE Please don't make it that he can see me. FRANKLIN SCROOGE Oh, I can see ye. I can see ye. I see ye, boy. Now, what did ye say?! SCROOGE Please, not this night. FRANKLIN SCROOGE What night? SCROOGE Th-The night you were declared bankrupt. FRANKLIN SCROOGE What? You're sorry for me, are ye? He's fucking sorry. Yeah, well, you know this, you know that everyone out there, every man, every woman, they're all beasts who care only, only, for themselves. Because that is what a human is, it's an inward-looking thing only. This whole world is cock fighting cock, bear fighting dog, hands in your pockets, fingers up your arse. They're trying to take your very kidneys from ye. You learn that from this night. SCROOGE I know, Father. That I know. FRANKLIN SCROOGE There is no virtue. Look upon me. Everything took. No mercy shown. I only just made it across the Thames without giving myself up to it. But I continued because I have you and your useless fucking frozen-up mother to keep. And your sister to keep, too, and a scrubber maid and a sweep. And now, by the devilment of fucking Christmas, the latest addition to my list of dependents, a little white mouse, whose reason for existence under my roof is yet to be explained to me. SCROOGE I can explain the mouse, Father. It was a Christmas gift from Lottie. FRANKLIN SCROOGE There are no gifts! A gift is just a debt unwritten but implied. And this gift has a golden bell around his neck. Now, you tell me, what good is gold to a mouse? SCROOGE The bell wasn't real gold. Lottie took it from a toy, it was gilt and worth only pennies. FRANKLIN SCROOGE And yet still, that mouse with his bell is richer than I. SCROOGE You could have taken that bell. Just cut the ribbon. You could have, you could have done it without causing any harm to him. FRANKLIN SCROOGE Harm to vermin? Learn! This! Lesson! Feed only that which might someday feed you! Where is this mouse and its bell? SCROOGE Not this. Not this. Not a repeat of this. FRANKLIN SCROOGE Why not this, Ebenezer Scrooge, when you've relived it a thousand times? SCROOGE FRANKLIN SCROOGE Learn! This! Lesson! SCROOGE To warn me against unprofitable affections. SPIRIT A lesson you learned well. And I am here to make you unlearn it. SCROOGE You are the Spirit Marley told me about. The one who doesn't even care. SPIRIT Ah, I am the canvas. It is you who paints the pictures. SCROOGE Well, I don't care for riddles. I am done. Your point is made. If it makes any difference, your visit has opened an old wound barely ever healed. Congratulations. Now, if you don't mind, I should like to sleep. SPIRIT You will not get down on your knees, and beg me for absolution? SCROOGE No. I am quite careless of myself. I count myself to sleep, each night the same. One day the count will end, so... SPIRIT I have had men claw at my robes. Women soak my sleeves with their tears. SCROOGE Well, perhaps you should claim a new robe against tax as a legitimate expense. SPIRIT Tonight, you will not sleep, Ebenezer Scrooge. I will not allow it. This is not a game of reason against fancy Ebenezer. I will put hot tweezers to your soul to remove the splinters. CHILDREN SPIRIT I am going to take you on a long journey, measured not in yards and miles, but in days and years. WOMAN You will never be forgiven. SCROOGE I don't want to go anywhere. CHILDREN SPIRIT You have no choice but to come with me, Ebenezer. CHILDREN SPIRIT Come with a Ghost of Christmas past who feels your heart beating. CHILDREN SPIRIT Come... CHILDREN SCROOGE I have formulated a rational explanation for all this. The sherry I drank in front of the fire, from the decanter which has been half-full this six months. The maid, who I dismissed for idleness, must have slipped laudanum into it. I haven't touched a drop of the sherry since she left, until now. There. That is what all of this is. Laudanum slipped into my wine by a vengeful maid. Y-You are an opiate. PEOPLE SCROOGE I know those boys. MAN Time to go, children. SCROOGE Jasper, a-and W-Wellington. And poor Horace who-who died of consumption. Poor Horace. SPIRIT ALI BABA We are now in a time before poor Horace was struck down. Your memory shapes me according to what time we're in. Same spirit, different Christmas. At this time in your life, I was your only friend. Behold. SCROOGE I swear there was never a time in my life when I had a friend who looked even remotely like you. ALI BABA Look again. SCROOGE My God. You're Ali Baba. ALI BABA Yes! How many nights you spent my stories under cover by candlelight. Over and over. To escape from the pain of these years. The shame. SCROOGE You're an illustration. ALI BABA Correct! SCROOGE That is to say, in truth, you, too, are also opium. ALI BABA Have you ever ridden a camel before? SCROOGE No. No, I've never ridden a camel before. Nor have I ever had a conversation with a picture from a picture book. ALI BABA Well, today you are doing both. Come. SCROOGE Come where? I know this place. ALI BABA Indeed you do. The Black Bridge Boarding School. SCROOGE I do not wish to come. ALI BABA Why? SCROOGE I vowed I would never set foot inside Black Bridge School ever again. ALI BABA And yet you step back inside it every night. In your dreams. Your nightmares. SCROOGE You know so much. ALI BABA Everything. Spirits can know everything except the outcome. Come with me! SCROOGE Morphine. ALI BABA Actually, his name is Valentine, but you know that. As an 11-year-old child, you escaped from hell on his back many, many times. SCROOGE What good will it do for me to go back? ALI BABA If you come back with me now, you may never have to go back into your nightmare ever again. And if the camel and I are merely poppy fumes, what harm can it do? The day is drawing to a close. You are in the dormitory, reading your book. Lost in the Arabian Nights. You are 11 years old, you are alone. Come and see. SCROOGE Why do we not leave footprints? ALI BABA We are not here. What you see happened a long time ago. On a particular day. SCROOGE What particular day? ALI BABA Come, you will see. SCROOGE Who will be there on this day? ALI BABA You. And one other. Be brave, Ebenezer. You have Ali Baba and Valentine at your side. SCROOGE All the other children have gone home for Christmas, yes? ALI BABA Yes, you saw them leave. SCROOGE I was the only child who had to board here over the Christmas holidays, because my father said... ALI BABA What did he say? SCROOGE One year, he said there was pestilence in our street. Another, the house was flooded. Another, there was no room in the new house. Always I had to stay here. I know that man. ALI BABA Ebenezer, you cannot hurt him. He's in the past. SCROOGE But I see him. ALI BABA Always you see him. Ever since those days, you see him when you close your eyes. The great Ali Baba seeks to enter your past. Enter the den of the 40 thieves. You can remember the magical password from the book? SCROOGE Of course I remember the magic password. "Open Sesame." ALI BABA I warned you, Ebenezer Scrooge, this is not a game. Come. Into the truth. Open sesame. ALI BABA Ebenezer. Look upon yourself. What would you say to him if you could? SCROOGE Spirit, I should like to go home now. That is exactly what he would say to me. "I should like to go home now." That was all I wanted then. To be with my mother and sister. ALI BABA Watch. Ebenezer. Ebenezer. Ebenezer. It is I. SCROOGE Good Lord. He can see you. ALI BABA Just for a moment. Sometimes, children, they can see Spirits. Children that need to see. SCROOGE I remember this. I remember this very moment. In the stories, Ali Baba always could do anything. I was praying to him to save me and come and take me from this place. And I swear, just for one moment, I looked up and I saw him just where you're standing. I-I thought he could save anyone. HEADMASTER So... it's just you and I here for Christmas again, Scrooge. Hmm? Well, don't worry. Of course I won't expect you to sleep in here on your own. You'll be with me. Just like last year. Hmm? Come on, get your things. Come on. Chop chop. SCROOGE Enough. I should like to go home now. ALI BABA Not yet, wait. HEADMASTER Come on, boy. Chop chop. ALI BABA Because this is the happy year. SCROOGE Goodness. ALI BABA Yes, I know. HEADMASTER Uh, who is it? YOUNG EBENEZER That's my sister, Lottie. HEADMASTER What the hell does she want? ALI BABA I show you this not to torture you, but to enlighten you. Look. SCROOGE Lottie! ALI BABA She cannot hear you, Ebenezer. You are here only to watch and learn. HEADMASTER Well, he tells me you are his sister. What do you want? YOUNG LOTTIE I have come to take my brother home. HEADMASTER What are you talking about? Ebenezer spends Christmas with me. YOUNG LOTTIE Not anymore. Things have changed. HEADMASTER But your father and I have a long-standing arrangement to keep Ebenezer here. Hmm. YOUNG LOTTIE Ebby, go and wait outside. There is a carriage. HEADMASTER No. YOUNG LOTTIE Ebby, our father has left us. At last. Mother said you are to go home. Go on. Run ahead. ALI BABA Now for the part you do not know. HEADMASTER No. Scrooge, stop. I order you to come back. YOUNG LOTTIE HEADMASTER ALI BABA Your help is not needed. Watch! SCROOGE YOUNG LOTTIE Our father made my brother stay here at Christmas in return for you waiving his school fees. But I and my mother have finally managed to be rid of him. And your little arrangement regarding my brother is over. My brother will never return to this school ever again. And if you try to follow... I will shoot you. And, in my defense, have my brother tell the Parish everything. HEADMASTER SCROOGE Lottie. Like a highwayman. She pulled a fucking gun! It's, it's a miracle. ALI BABA A Christmas miracle. An act of love. Without the need for thanks. A gift which was not given as a debt implied. YOUNG LOTTIE Come. Mother's bought a goose for us to pluck. ALI BABA But you never saw her bravery. Never felt the warmth of her selfless compassion. DRIVER SCROOGE She always told me I had to leave the school because we couldn't afford the fees. ALI BABA SPIRIT You never told a living soul about what happened at this school. But your sister knew. She could not bear the thought of you spending another Christmas in hell. Forget ribbons and bells. That is the spirit of Christmas. But you were numb to her, lost to all affection. You went home and had no more use of Ali Baba or Valentine. SCROOGE I never went home. The boy who left never returned. I counted myself the most hard-done-by creature on earth. Just yesterday, Lottie's son came to invite me to dinner. And even he told me that Lottie had always warned him to be patient with me because of a-a very old pain. But Sp-Spirit, consider this. This is proof. SPIRIT Proof? Of what? SCROOGE What happened to me here at this school, this-this excuses me. This explains me. And because it's all in the past, nothing can be done to remedy it. SPIRIT Ah. So, we require more than a mincing knife and warm gravy to soften your heart. You only see what your father did to you, not what your sister did for you. Let us go deeper. PEOPLE SPIRIT MINER Behold. The Scrooge and Marley anthracite coal mine in the country of Wales. One of your later commercial ventures, after you and Mr. Marley met at the Corn exchange. Both buying up bankrupt businesses from men like your father. And this was one of your most profitable ventures. SCROOGE Poor thing. SPIRIT MINER "He is pure air and fire." Evidently, when William Shakespeare wrote that about a horse, he'd never seen one put down a coal pit. Not much is pure down here. SCROOGE I remember when we bought the mine I tried not to think about the horses. MINER SPIRIT MINER You made this place profitable by cutting down on the excessive use of oak timbers. Before you and Marley bought the mine, they had used timber quite extravagantly... to support the roof. MINERS Collapse! SPIRIT MINER No harm can come to us because we're not here. But they are not so lucky. Recall. This was midnight on Christmas Eve. And this the Christmas gift for 27 men and women and boys and multiple ponies. You tried not to think about the horses, but did you ever think about the human souls? MINER Pull us up! In the name of God! Pull us up! In the name of God, the timbers won't hold! MINERS SPIRIT MINER The only thing you didn't count were the victims... MINER Save us! Pull us up! Save us! SPIRIT MINER ...who were lost in your darkness. SCROOGE Spirit, where are we? Is this hell? SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN No. We are now back in your 30th year, Ebenezer Scrooge. And business is booming. Come. PEOPLE SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN Come, quick, or we'll miss it. SCROOGE I-I-I would just like to explain the Christmas mine collapse and its causes, which aren't at all how you characterized them... SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN There is no time for explanations. Yes, yes, it's Christmas Eve again. And yet, they will all be working until long after dark. But come, Ebenezer. SCROOGE I fear something awful awaits. SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN No. Something magical. Something wonderful. Profit, Ebenezer. Pure profit. SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN Look, Scrooge. There you are. You and Marley in your prime. This was the moment when it all really began. Listen. MILL OWNER My father's barely cold in his grave and already you're here with business? MARLEY Well, your father looks down from heaven and urges you to listen to us. SCROOGE Your father was fond of gambling on horses. Fond of it, but poor at it. MARLEY And we can't all choose the winner at the Epsom Derby. MILL OWNER We didn't know how much he had lost until his last breath. MARLEY Look, grief blinds you, slows you. And we're here to help you. We're familiar with some of the people of his secret acquaintance and we're in a position to purchase your father's gambling debts. Owed to a turf accountant in Halifax, name of "Dagger." MILL OWNER Why would you do that? SCROOGE But I'm afraid the price of slow horses are the least of his legacy. MILL OWNER Put that back. SCROOGE Accounts not worth the paper they're written on. Money due to the government revenue spent instead on some nag with the same name as his mistress. MILL OWNER How dare you. MARLEY Secrets, debts, mistresses, revenue men who bring pistols and chains. SCROOGE They can't chain a ghost, young man. It will be you who they throw into the lockup. MILL OWNER You wish to buy one loom? SCROOGE No. The whole mill. MILL OWNER But I think you missed off a zero. SCROOGE Zero means nothing, so we missed off nothing. Sit down. Now, we'll deal with Dagger. We also have friends at the revenue who will overlook your inherited liability in return for a healthy bribe, of course. MILL OWNER But the mill itself is worth ten times that. SCROOGE The mill is healthy but you have no liquidity. You need money now. Without us, it will be a race. Between Dagger's cutthroats and the revenue's militiamen. MARLEY And please know that your father's reputation as a pious Christian family man will be safe in our hands. SCROOGE We'll even put up a plaque. There. Above your head. MARLEY So your father can rest in peace. Now, do we have a deal? SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN You bought this cotton mill in Dewsbury for £800, then promptly sold it four days later for £8,000 to be demolished and broken up for parts. You had discovered that tragedy for the many is opportunity for the few. 500 jobs in a profit of £7,200 in just four days, for doing precisely nothing. You and Marley would become celebrated for deals like the splendid bit of opportunism you just witnessed. SCROOGE It was business. I cannot be blamed for doing business. SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN You cannot be blamed for building your beautiful temple to profit because profit means more and more and wonderful more. You were very considerate. You didn't tell the workers they had all lost their jobs until Boxing Day. SCROOGE Why do you mock me with false glory in your voice? SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN I am a Spirit, I am what you make me, and your glory was real. Real cash, hard currency. SCROOGE Was it so wrong to make a profit? To use that profit to make more profit. SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN No, nothing wrong at all. And every penny you made is still there inside your head. Behold, each loom shows another profitable year for the unstoppable Messrs. Scrooge and Marley. That is your fourth year of trading. What was your net income that year? SCROOGE Year four? Net income £665, seven shillings and sixpence. SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN This is year eight. Total expenditure? SCROOGE Expenditure year eight, £4,871 and 19 shillings, mostly the acquisition of Denmon & Sons and a wire factory of Birmingham. SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN This year. Your tenth year. SCROOGE Ah. An excellent year. A move into spice and indigo in the Moluccas. Income, £9,970 and seven pence, expenditure. SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN All in your head. What a mind you have. You counted yourself the most hard-done-by boy in the world, and you counted and counted. Wherever you looked, you didn't see people, you saw pounds and pennies. The weakness of others spun into wealth. Your accounts were your new Ali Baba. Profit, your new Valentine. SCROOGE Ah, yes, I forgot. You are mocking me. I have done no more and no less in my life than many an illustrious businessman. SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN Your life? Did you say your life? Come and see your life. PEOPLE SPIRIT BUSINESSMAN Behold. Your life beyond the counting machines. SCROOGE Elizabeth. SPIRIT The days she waited and waited. SCROOGE Well, I was kept late at the exchange. Who are they? SPIRIT They are the children you would have had with Elizabeth. There you are, the father you never were, being a merry-go-round for the children you never had. Behold, a Christmas past that never was and never will be. "Humbug. How many 'Merry Christmases' are meant and how many are lies? To pretend on one day each year that the human beast is not a human beast." Do you see any beasts up there, Ebenezer? SCROOGE I would have called the children... Jacob... and Lottie. And neither would have been sent away to school, they would have come home safe every night. SPIRIT The children who were never born bring emotion you never had. Not even for the children of people you knew intimately. I told you, my business is the intimate inspection of your heart and of your soul. Come, now. We will witness how your blindness finally gave rise to the abominable. To something you did seven Christmases ago. SCROOGE Seven? SPIRIT Come, Ebenezer, and look upon the evil that you did. An evil that was not even for profit. MARY SCROOGE Dear God. No man should be here. SPIRIT We are not men, and we are not here. And yet, we witness where this awful thing began. MARY MARTHA Your baby is born. MARY Is it a boy or is it a girl? MARTHA A boy. MARY Does he breathe? MARTHA He breathes. MARY Is he whole? BABY MARY Martha. Martha, is he whole? Martha, is he whole?... SPIRIT And in this, this moment, do you remember what you did? SCROOGE No. BABY SPIRIT You looked upon the suffering not of faceless strangers but of people you'd known for years. And in their anguish, you would see only one thing opportunity. PEOPLE SPIRIT Come with me to Christmas Eve, seven Christmases ago, when the clock is striking one, two, three... SCROOGE 7YA ...four, five, six. CRYER Six in the morning and all is snowbound and iced! SCROOGE 7YA Cratchit, an hour early? PEOPLE SCROOGE 7YA Mrs. Cratchit. MARY May I come in? May I speak to you in confidence, Mr. Scrooge? SCROOGE 7YA Yes, I always have time for early risers. Is your husband ill? Are you here to make excuses? MARY No. No, my husband will be reporting for work in one hour, as usual. Though to work on Christmas Eve is not so usual. SCROOGE 7YA Well, at Scrooge and Marley, it is usual. What do you want at this hour? MARY As I think you know, two years ago, I gave birth to a boy, Tim. And as I also think you know, he was... born with imperfections. SCROOGE 7YA Yes. Perhaps too much rich food in your diet, Mrs. Cratchit. MARY This cold and this smoke in this city, it does not suit a boy so tender. He has fluid on his lungs. A surgeon has told us that he requires an operation, thoracic draining... or he will die. Now, the-the cost of the operation i-is far beyond our means. It's very complex, in three stages. SCROOGE 7YA How much? MARY T-Ten, ten and ten. £30. SCROOGE 7YA You can't sell your house? MARY The house is rented. SCROOGE 7YA And you have no rich relative? MARY Mr. Scrooge, my husband is too proud to ask you himself. But I weigh my pride against my baby's life and... the scales break with the imbalance. SCROOGE 7YA You are a poet. MARY I am a mother, in desperate need. And I came here without my husband's permission or knowledge... to ask you, Mr. Scrooge, for a loan. SCROOGE 7YA Where does your husband think you are? What lie did you tell? MARY Well, uh, I told him that I would queue for the best goose. SCROOGE 7YA Ah. You can afford a goose but you still want a loan? MARY You could deduct a certain amount from my husband's wages each week. I th-- I think we could survive on two shillings less. And over a... SCROOGE 7YA Let me see, two shillings per week. Two by 52, that's 104 shillings per year. SCROOGE Two shillings per week. Two by 52... SCROOGE 7YA That is £5, four shillings. £5, four shillings per year times six is £31, four shillings. So, if your husband were to continue to work for me, he would pay his debt in six years and provide an interest dividend of £1, four shillings. MARY Mr. Scrooge... SCROOGE 7YA That's an interest rate of 4%. Which, on a six-year investment, is uncompetitive. Especially since it depends on a guarantee of six years of service when, as we know, life is filled with... misfortune and unexpected hazards which may render him unable to fulfill his obligation. MARY Mr. Scrooge, I th-- I think we might be able to survive on less per week. SCROOGE 7YA If you were to sacrifice absurd things like goose at Christmas, yes, perhaps. MARY Mr. Scrooge... there is no one else. SCROOGE 7YA Mrs. Cratchit, in my safe, at present, I have £537 and 15 shillings. Pure profit. Pure. Just behind that iron door. Which opens with the turn of this key... and the words "open sesame." What would you do, Mrs. Cratchit, to have me open that door and hand you £30? Not as a loan, but as a gift. I know, Mrs. Cratchit, you are a faithful, virtuous and honest woman. But I am curious as to the extent of that honesty and faithfulness. MARY SCROOGE The price of it, I mean. MARY I do not understand what you mean, Mr. Scrooge. SCROOGE 7YA Ten, ten and ten. I am a man of reason. A scientist, I-I like to conduct experiments regarding the human condition. Regarding virtue and vice. Experiments to determine if every aspect of the human soul can be converted into currency, and if so, what is the exchange rate. For love, for example, or compassion. Mrs. Cratchit, please, take ten now, then think up another lie to tell your husband and come to my apartment on Christmas Day at 400 PM. When you are at my apartment, if you do exactly what I tell you to do, everything I tell you to do, I will give you the rest. As a gift. MARY Christmas, Christmas Day itself would be difficult. SCROOGE 7YA Christmas Day is a day like any other. Meet me at my apartment at 400 PM. Do we have a deal? MARY Yes. SPIRIT This is not a game, Ebenezer Scrooge.