BELINDA BLACKSMITH BOB_CRATCHIT CHESTNUT_ROASTER CHESTNUT_SELLER CHILDREN CONGREGATION_MEMBER CRATCHIT FACTORY_WOUNDED_WOMAN FRED MARLEY MARY MINERS_SON MR_HOOPER MR_THWAITES PASSER_BY RAG_AND_BONE_MAN SCROOGE SPIRIT TIM MINERS SON On the anniversary of your very timely death I should like to wish you a Merry Christmas. MINERS SON You skin flint old bastard. MARLEY Can they not read? The inscription clearly states ‘rest in peace’. Why am I not allowed any peace? MARLEY Oh fate. Oh you spirits of life and death. Whoever is in bloody charge in this ill begotten universe. MARLEY I am begging you to free me from this consciousness. Let me rest. Give me darkness. Please. I know my sins were many. But I have repented and repented and repented. MARLEY Tell me what I must do to make amends and I will do it.... MARLEY ....I swear. Oh bringer of light, I will do anything in return for lasting darkness... MARLEY Please. MARLEY Oh Lord. Tell me this is not hell. BLACKSMITH Not quite Pilgrim. MARLEY I have money! Two pennies. They’re yours. Please. Let me go! MARLEY What is this place? BLACKSMITH You don’t recognize your own creation? MARLEY Wait. This is one of our factories. A Scrooge and Marley factory. One of those ghastly ones in the North. BLACKSMITH No north or south here Pilgrim. No rich, no poor either. No capital, see. MARLEY And where is here? Is this Scrooge and Marley’s of Birmingham or Scrooge and Marley’s Manchester? BLACKSMITH No Birmingham or Manchester either. Though the smoke here is the same as in both those places. Smoke from fires lit by men of finance like you. MARLEY Now I see. I know you too. BLACKSMITH Aye. You do. I died like a horse of exhaustion in one of your workshops. After that I haunted your dreams. I broke into the empty space in your head where most people keep their conscience... BLACKSMITH So many men, women and children died at your penny pinching hands. And each one of them I have forged into a link in the chain... BLACKSMITH ...The chain that you must now wear Mr Marley. MARLEY But why? For what reason? I have been dead a year. Why now? MARLEY I did? BLACKSMITH You offered penance. And since your call was answered.... BLACKSMITH I’d wager the spirits have a little job for ye... MR HOOPER If I don’t see you before Christmas, do have a very merry one. CONGREGATION MEMBER And you too. We may call after dinner tomorrow.... MR HOOPER Please do. Bring everyone. You are all very welcome. I almost prefer Christmas Eve to Christmas itself... MR HOOPER Mr Cratchit? Mr Bob? Will you come also? BOB CRATCHIT I’m afraid I can’t. I have work tomorrow. MARY Work, my love? Tomorrow? BELINDA Dad. You forgot this. TIM I’m not a ‘this’, silly. BOB CRATCHIT Oh no, I didn’t forget old Timmy. I saw he was offering an extra prayer so I let him be... TIM For our poor cat that died. Rest in peace. BOB CRATCHIT Rest in peace my eye, he’ll be chasing mice round St Peter’s feet. MARY Bob? Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. You said this year you’d stand up to him... MR HOOPER Come on Cratchit. Bit of a fine do tomorrow. Children in charge. Blind man’s buff all that. Bring the tribe. BOB CRATCHIT I’m sorry. I’m afraid.... MARY We are afraid my husband works for a man with an ice pick for a heart. MR HOOPER Ah yes. Of course. You toil for old Scratch don’t you. My condolences. MR HOOPER He can philosophize every act of meanness until it sounds like common sense. He has no explanation for kindness. Oh well. So be it. Merry Christmas Cratchit tribe. MARY So be it. Year after year. BOB CRATCHIT Belinda, come. You’ll get wet and catch your death. MARY Belinda, we have just this second learned that tomorrow’s walk to Regent’s Park to collect chestnuts has been cancelled. BELINDA But it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow mama. MARY Yes in all of Christendom tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Apart from in one very, very dark place. TIM And where is that Mama? SCROOGE Late. SCROOGE One, two, three. SCROOGE Four. Yes. So there. Four. Three is reasonable. Four is beyond reasonable. SCROOGE The smudge is from the fourth lump I have no doubt. The smudge is from kindness. SCROOGE That will teach me. BOB CRATCHIT Good morning Mr Scrooge. BOB CRATCHIT And Merry Christmas to you too Mr Scrooge. SCROOGE I have an important document to be copied three times before day’s end. One for London, one for Birmingham, one for Manchester. BOB CRATCHIT Three not four Sir? Scrooge stops buttoning. SCROOGE What? BOB CRATCHIT Today appears to be a day for four not three. SCROOGE Ah. You mean the extra lump of coal I gave you. Well curse the fourth. SCROOGE Curse gestures. SCROOGE Just make three copies of the ledger. Then.... SCROOGE Should there be no blots, no smudges, no stains, you may go home. SCROOGE At four. BOB CRATCHIT Mr Scrooge I thought we had agreed that today, on account of the day it is, I could go home at three. SCROOGE I give you an extra lump of coal and then straight away you want to snip an extra hour off the day. Three becomes four, four becomes three, I don’t care for your revolutionary mathematics. This is not Paris. BOB CRATCHIT It’s frozen Sir. SCROOGE What is? BOB CRATCHIT My ink. I will have to thaw it on the fire. SCROOGE No. That will waste time. You can use mine. BOB CRATCHIT A sort of Christmas present is it Sir? SCROOGE No, no. If it were a Christmas present I would have wrapped it in ribbons and bows to artificially increase your anticipation. SCROOGE ....And you would tear it open and gasp and say ‘my Lord, a bottle of ink, this is exactly what I’ve always wanted’. SCROOGE And I would shrug and smile and tell you that out of all the ink bottles in all the world, this is the one ink bottle that I wanted you to have on this, most holy and sacred of days. SCROOGE Behold. One day in the year. Or two. They grin and greet each other when every other day they walk by with their faces in their collars. SCROOGE They buy chestnuts cooked on coals and pretend they’re not too burnt to swallow.... BOB CRATCHIT Or they go and collect them in the park. SCROOGE You know it makes me very sad to see all the lies that come as surely as the snow at this time of year. How many ‘Merry Christmases’ are meant and how many are lies? Or nothing at all, just habit and custom. To pretend on one day of the year... BOB CRATCHIT Or two... SCROOGE ...That the human beast is not the human beast. That it is possible we can all be transformed. But if it were so, if it were possible for so many mortals to look at the calendar and transform from wolf to lamb, then why not every day? SCROOGE And instead of one day good the rest bad, why not have everyone grinning at each other all year and have one day of the year when we are all beasts and pass each other by? Why not turn it around? Mmmmmm? BOB CRATCHIT You could call that day of beastliness ‘Scrooge-day’. In honor of its inventor. SCROOGE Yes, why not? It would be the day when everyone is free to tell those around them exactly what they really think of them... CRATCHIT Oh I think every clerk in England would report for work on that day.... SCROOGE In order that they could tell their employer the awful truth of what is in their hearts. CRATCHIT Yes. SCROOGE The truth without ribbons and bows. I would welcome it. SCROOGE Well? What do you say? BOB CRATCHIT I say, Sir, that in all my ten years working here you’ve never bothered to explain your philosophy before. BOB CRATCHIT And I am quite flattered that today of all days you would bother to share the machinery of your logic with a mere clerk. SCROOGE It isn’t logic, Cratchit. BOB CRATCHIT Then Sir, if I may, what is it? SCROOGE Mind out for the word litigation. You have a habit of spelling it wrongly. BOB CRATCHIT I spelt it wrongly once. Five years ago. SCROOGE A number does not know the day of the year. The number 25 does not know it is sacred. Nor the number 24 know it is almost sacred. RAG AND BONE MAN Rag bone! Any old iron and rag! SCROOGE Every third day. Punctual at Ten minutes past seven for the past eighty nine days with a seven day hiatus July 4th to 11th when no doubt he and his horse were at Margate or somewhere atrocious. RAG AND BONE MAN Rag bone! Any old iron and rag! SCROOGE Two. RAG AND BONE MAN Any old iron and rag! SCROOGE Three calls. And fifteen steps of the horse and five turns of the wheel. No ink, I need a pencil.... CHESTNUT SELLER Chestnuts! Roasted chestnuts! SCROOGE What? A new voice. RAG AND BONE MAN Rag, bone! SCROOGE Four calls. Twenty one steps of the hoof, nine turns of the wheels... CHESTNUT SELLER Chestnuts! Hot off the coals... S SCROOGE Two from the chestnut man. SCROOGE Damn it.... RAG AND BONE MAN Any old iron and rag! SCROOGE Five calls. Twenty seven steps of the horse, eleven turns of the wheel. CHESTNUT SELLER Fresh from Regents Park! Roasted chestnuts! SCROOGE Three from the chestnuts. And five and twenty seven and eight rag and bone. Now please pass by, both of you, please pass by. SCROOGE If this inventory of nuisance doesn’t make the City Corporation sit up and take notice, nothing will. A detailed record of the audible chaos in this Ward. SCROOGE How am I supposed to work with all this fucking noise? CHESTNUT SELLER Roasted chestnuts... SCROOGE Yes I hear you. Four. SCROOGE Even an explanation leaves a stain. CHESTNUT SELLER Roasting hot, fresh from Regents Park... SCROOGE Five. SCROOGE Yes? BOB CRATCHIT Rag and bone man was passing and wants to know if we have any rags or bone or iron. SCROOGE None. He is just begging a Christmas box. Tell him please. If he is so filled with the Christmas spirit then his gift to me would be when he walks his cart down these cobbles every third day at ten minutes past seven would he take the trouble not to call out when he is outside my window. BOB CRATCHIT Why Sir? CHESTNUT SELLER Two pennies a bag. Roasted chestnuts. SCROOGE Six. BOB CRATCHIT Sir. Are you alright? BOB CRATCHIT You don’t seem yourself today. SCROOGE Well I am myself. Always. Please get on with your work. SCROOGE Jacob. Who never needed such explanation. SCROOGE Last night I had a dream of chains and furnaces. SCROOGE And I realized when I am alone and I talk out loud it is still you I am talking to... SCROOGE ...As if you were not completely gone. SCROOGE But I was there at your burial. And I am rational. I placed the coins on your eyes. I saw the coffin lowered. So I have no explanation for why I speak out loud to you. RAG AND BONE MAN Any old iron and rag you miserable bastard! SCROOGE Seven. SCROOGE Oh Jacob, I imagine at least where you are it’s quiet. MARLEY Hello! Anyone! Can anyone hear me?! MARLEY What is this place and why am I here?! MARLEY I was told the spirits have a job for me! What spirits? What job? MARLEY Ah. Warmth at least... MARLEY And explanation. And perhaps salvation. MARLEY My God. Hello old friend. Six times we won the Epsom Derby together. MARLEY Hello! I saw someone tending this fire! Where are you?!... MARLEY Ah hello, my name is Marley, I’m dead and I am a little short on usable information. MARLEY I have no idea who you are but why on earth did you just burn my rocking horse? SPIRIT Because you’re next... MARLEY On the fire? SPIRIT No. On my list. MARLEY What list? SPIRIT The list of penitents who were buried for the digestion of worms and the pulling apart by tree roots but were then dug up and shook off and stood back up for intimate inspection. SPIRIT That list. SPIRIT On the fires I burn the past. And I throw on memories and old affections. They burn there like chestnuts... SPIRIT With the purpose of smoking out redemption, should the soul, dug up and shook off and stood back up, be redeemable. And if it turns out you are redeemable I would rake you out from the flames and blow you cool and deliver you in a paper bag to everlasting and eternal peace. MARLEY Good. Understood. Peace is indeed what I seek.... SPIRIT From a work to work you will be led to a work. From a word to a word you may be led to a word. SPIRIT And that word is repentance. MARLEY Ah. If this is about repentance, I have already repented. I rang the bell. That is, some bell, some important bell, rang as a consequence of my declared repentance, the Blacksmith said... SPIRIT Don’t care. SPIRIT Having conducted many, many, many thousands of these exercises, pulling out hearts, sucking out souls, hanging sinners in the thick black smoke of their own sins, I don’t care. The more souls you burn or rake out the less you fucking care. But it is my job you see.... SPIRIT Kings, Queens, criminals, accountants, maids, sailors, soldiers, Missionaries and one Pope... SPIRIT Care I not for one of them. MARLEY What is this place? SPIRIT It’s where Christmas comes to die. MARLEY And who are you? SPIRIT My business is what went before. My season is the turning of the season. I am the ghost of Christmas past. SPIRIT Now. I’d like you to take a deep breath. MARLEY Good Lord. I smell flesh burning. SPIRIT You do? MARLEY Yes. As if the burning horse were a real horse... SPIRIT Oh. Well. Bugger. MARLEY ‘Oh well bugger’ what? SPIRIT If you can smell the burning flesh of a rocking horse, it means.... MARLEY It means what? SPIRIT You are salvageable. The rocking horse was once real for you and in some tender part it still is, so.... MARLEY So that is a good thing. SPIRIT It would be. Yeah. As a rule. SPIRIT But, you see, in your case there is a complication. MARLEY What complication? SPIRIT ...these are the Articles of Agreement establishing the Partnership of Scrooge and Marley Investment, ratified by Kenge & Carboy, papers lodged at Lincoln’s Inn, London... SPIRIT ...in the year of the tree I just burned. Signed by you and a Mr... SPIRIT ....Ebenezer Scrooge.. SPIRIT I refer you to paragraph seven on the document. Look. There. I quote... SPIRIT ‘All liabilities, indemnities and debts incurred by the company shall from this day forth be discharged and paid for jointly by the signatories of this incorporation’.... SPIRIT Jointly. MARLEY What. You mean... MARLEY My own redemption is dependent on the redemption... MARLEY ...of Ebenezer Scrooge? MARLEY You are saying the letter of earthly law applies.... MARLEY ....Here? SPIRIT For you yes. As you were in life so you will be in death. Bound by chains and contracts and letters of joint indemnity. SPIRIT Together you and Ebenezer Scrooge profaned the spirit of humanity. SPIRIT Together you will repay. And only together can you repent... MARLEY Are you saying that I will forever be held in purgatory... MARLEY ...Until Ebenezer Scrooge has also repented? MARLEY Then, if you would, throw another year onto the fire, bring me a blanket and a pillow if such things are allowed, because I am without doubt stuck here for fucking ever. MARLEY Because that man, that object in the shape of a man, that thing with black ink in his veins... MARLEY ...is 94 per cent gravel and rubble and the rest is just his stupid hair. I know for absolute certain he will never... MARLEY ...Will never repent. Where are you? SPIRIT The section in the contract means my task is made more complicated. In order to fulfil my obligation to you, I must test the soul of another. SPIRIT Before this Christmas is ash, I must search the heart of Ebenezer Scrooge and see if there is a tender place there. MARLEY To search it you would have to find it and I’m afraid Ebenezer Scrooge left his heart in the lost luggage department at Euston station the day he arrived in London to begin work as a Junior Clerk. SPIRIT In truth, the department at Waterloo station is not called ‘lost luggage’ SPIRIT ....It is called ‘lost and found’. SPIRIT You see... SPIRIT ...I’m told there is hope. BOB CRATCHIT I am done, Mr Scrooge. BOB CRATCHIT Finished. BOB CRATCHIT You have already proofed the first two Sir. SCROOGE Checking again Cratchit. The light grows dim. SCROOGE I sense you are angry with me. BOB CRATCHIT Why do you say that? SCROOGE Because everything on these pages is perfect. Precise. Immaculate you might say. SCROOGE You got it all right to spite me. To show me. BOB CRATCHIT No. To afford you the possibility that since all the work is done correctly and early I might leave early and spend the rest of the day with my family. SCROOGE Your anger made you work quickly but perfectly. You didn’t stop to think that working quickly and perfectly also suits me, the object of your hatred, down to the ground. Your anger made you do me a favor. SCROOGE A logical anomaly. BOB CRATCHIT I don’t hate you Sir. And I am not accustomed to talking about these matters with you. I ask again, is everything alright with you? SCROOGE Christmas it seems, inspires such emotion. Good and evidently bad. I feel your eyes burning into me. Imagine you were a violent man. Imagine your pen were a dagger. Imagine I were found dead on Christmas morning... SCROOGE The murder could be laid too at the door of the spirit of Christmas, yes? BOB CRATCHIT Mr Scrooge, it is eight minutes past three. But my work is complete. If we are back to logic then logic suggests my sitting here idle for no reason is the anomaly. SCROOGE A letter of complaint to the Lord Mayor regarding the persistent noise caused by coster mongers, Gypsies, street musicians, rag and bone men and various other gutter runners. I want this letter written out in duplicate and put in with the last post today. It contains very precise mathematics pertaining to the frequency and quantity of the intrusions. Please be sure to get the numbers correct. SCROOGE I took great pains over them. BOB CRATCHIT Great pain. Yes I see that. SCROOGE It’s not I in curious mood today Cratchit, it is you. As if you were suddenly careless of your situation. BOB CRATCHIT No, no. I am not careless of my situation. I have two children and a wife to take care of in a time of high unemployment. One of my children is sick and his treatment costs money. I know the narrowness of my situation. BOB CRATCHIT And so do you. BOB CRATCHIT So do you. SCROOGE Two copies of that letter should take you nicely up to four o’clock. BOB CRATCHIT We’ll see. FRED Uncle Ebenezer. I ran in case you might be closing early. SCROOGE No. Still many things to do. You seem out of breath. FRED I ran to catch you. SCROOGE Catch me at what? FRED I meant catch you to say Merry Christmas and to invite you.... FRED to dinner tomorrow. SCROOGE Why. What’s tomorrow? FRED It’s a birthday tomorrow. FRED Our Lord Jesus Christ. I know you don’t believe in Christmas but you believe in him don’t you? SCROOGE No. As a matter-of-fact I don’t. Nor do I believe in Ali Baba or the magic genie of the lamp. SCROOGE And, besides, which liar told you tomorrow was his birthday? FRED It’s in the Bible. SCROOGE No, another deceit. There is no mention of a date in that book or in any other... SCROOGE And as for those images I see on church walls of three wise men on camels walking in the snow, there is no record of it being winter and no record of there ever being snow in Palestine. Indeed riding camels across snow is the very embodiment of the absurdity and the lies which have continued to beget more lies down the centuries during the days now marked 24 and 25... FRED But you believe in fig pudding. There will be fig pudding. SCROOGE And there will be fig pudding still in January. FRED Would you come in January? SCROOGE No. FRED Uncle Ebenezer, I believe I am the only blood relative you have on this earth. FRED Blood is thicker than water, all of that, and before she died my mother always said ‘oh Fred, you must forgive my brother Ebenezer, he is just in pain, a very old pain...’ SCROOGE I have work to do. FRED At 3.15 On Christmas Eve. FRED Very well. I will get to my point. Every year I come here and invite you to dine with myself and my wife and my children. Children whom you have never even set eyes upon. FRED But this is the last time I will make such an invitation. On the insistence of my wife, I will do this no more. SCROOGE Good. Save you getting all out of breath. SCROOGE This day is a day like any other. It is not a cure for what humans beings are. FRED And what are they? SCROOGE They are various loud voices, all with something to sell to you that you don’t need or want. FRED Uncle. I have nothing to sell to you. Not even fig pudding. Not anymore. I will say it because it hurts you. Merry Christmas Uncle Ebenezer. I doubt I will ever see you again on this earth. SCROOGE Cursed crows. SCROOGE Dated 1831 and 1837. SCROOGE The exact same dates as the coins I put onto your eyes when you lay in your coffin. I always look at the dates. I remember them. They interest me. SCROOGE So how come these same coins are here? Why now? BOB CRATCHIT Do you want me to add them to your list of intrusive voices Mr Scrooge? It’s not too late. BOB CRATCHIT Do it Mr Scrooge. Give them the coins. CHILDREN Merry Christmas Sir. SCROOGE Go away. Go. Go. Go! BOB CRATCHIT ....’Yours faithfully, Ebenezer Scrooge’. BOB CRATCHIT Done. Sir. With twenty minutes left. I assume you have something else for me to fill the time? SCROOGE Go home. BOB CRATCHIT Home? SCROOGE Home. BOB CRATCHIT Good night Mr Scrooge! SCROOGE Rag and bone. All it is and can be. SCROOGE Clock? I know there are twenty minutes left but please strike four. How? I don’t know. I have no logic for you and I know clocks are logical beasts but please strike four and let me go. I will not leave my office early and bow down to this absurd season. But please strike four and set me free. SCROOGE Two, three, four. MR HOOPER Sir? Do you have spare change for an excellent cause. SCROOGE And what cause might that be? MR HOOPER Oh, it is for the welfare of the poor and destitute who suffer greatly at this time of year. Hundreds of thousands in this city are in want of common comforts. SCROOGE Are there no prisons? MR THWAITES Oh plenty of prisons. SCROOGE And the Union workhouses? Are they still in operation? MR THWAITES I wish I could say they were not. SCROOGE The treadmill and the poor law.... MR HOOPER Uncommonly busy since the financial collapse.... MR THWAITES But some would rather die than go there. SCROOGE Then let them die SCROOGE Yes. Let them die according to nature’s law. Have you not read the Reverend Thomas Malthus’s excellent book ‘Essay on the principle of population’, published 1798... SCROOGE In the second edition, Malthus states any man whose labour is not needed has no business on this earth... PASSER BY Merry Christmas! SCROOGE The Reverend Malthus says, and I quote, ‘at nature’s mighty feast there is no cover for the idle man. She tells him to be gone’. MR HOOPER All we are asking for, Sir, is a couple of penny coins. Do you not have two penny coins in your pocket? SCROOGE Bah. SCROOGE Humbug! SCROOGE Goodness. SCROOGE Seriously. Goodness me. SCROOGE I rode to school on such a horse. SCROOGE Who left you here? Catch your death of cold you will. SCROOGE I hope someone will come for you soon. I’m sure they will. Yes. SCROOGE Marley! SCROOGE How? TIM Dad. Do I have to do my exercise today? It’s Christmas Eve. BOB CRATCHIT No days off, Tim... TIM You are worse than old Scrooge. TIM If it’s exercise you want me to do, why not let me go skating on the pond beyond the yard. I can borrow Belinda’s skates. BOB CRATCHIT So you would skate before you can walk before you can run. No. The ice is too dangerous even for me. BOB CRATCHIT And besides, Belinda’s skates are broken. BOB CRATCHIT Look darling. He wants to skate and who knows, next year perhaps. BOB CRATCHIT Wait, wait. Two more minutes. MARY When did you get home? BOB CRATCHIT The bugger let me go twenty minutes early. He was in a very strange mood today. MARY It’s Christmas. Let’s not talk about him, not even once. BOB CRATCHIT You seem to despise him more than I do. Why? BOB CRATCHIT Also, while you were gone, Tim wrote his Christmas letter to your cousin Jack. BOB CRATCHIT This is what he wrote. ‘Dear Mr Levitt. I hope you are well and that there is lots of snow there in America... MARY Darling. I think after seven years there is no need for Tim to keep on sending letters of thanks to America every single Christmas for eternity. BOB CRATCHIT Why? I think it’s the least we can do. Your cousin did save Tim’s life. Without the money he sent we could never have afforded the operation.... MARY Very well, I will go and post it. I’ll catch the last post. BOB CRATCHIT We will come with you. BOB CRATCHIT To post the letter. The air will do us all good. MARY Very well. Let’s all go. BOB CRATCHIT I’m not sure we’ve spelt your cousin’s name correctly. Is it Levitt with one T at the end or two? Mary... MARY It’s spelt with two Ts dear. BOB CRATCHIT I swear last year you said it was spelt with one ‘T’. MARY My cousin is now an American. They don’t care for Ts, they drink coffee. BOB CRATCHIT It has never sat well with me that when Tim was dying I needed another man’s money to save his life... MARY Please.... BOB CRATCHIT This cousin whose name changes every year, who you had never spoken of before Tim became sick... MARY The children are happy here. Stay with them. I will post the letter and come back. MARY May I put this on your coals? CHESTNUT ROASTER If you buy some chestnuts, yes. CHESTNUT ROASTER Cheer up, love, it’s Christmas. MARY It’s the smoke in my eyes. MARY Lord. Every year must I be tortured with my deception? MARY Done to save his life. Surely I am forgiven. SCROOGE ‘He is pure air and fire. SCROOGE ‘He is indeed a horse, and all other jades you may call beasts’. SCROOGE Burglars coming through the cellar SCROOGE I have nothing of value. Apart from my gun. SCROOGE I keep no money here. It is all at my office. I have two pennies. That is all. You can have them. MARLEY Apologies Ebenezer... MARLEY I’m not really sure how these things work but I first formed on your door knocker and you knocked off my chin. MARLEY Seems to be fine now. SCROOGE Fine? MARLEY I understand this is a shock... SCROOGE No. Because it is not real. MARLEY There is much I have to tell you Ebenezer, about what is real and what is not real... SCROOGE Go away. Please. You are not real. You are not. MARLEY Reality is a decision. I have learned that. SCROOGE Well I have made my decision. You are a piece of undigested beef. You are a fever. MARLEY I was sent here by a spirit. MARLEY A spirit who doesn’t care and I imagine would relish our failure but is obliged to seem to try to help... MARLEY Ebenezer, you forget. I am already dead. You can’t kill me. If you hit me with that thing I would just be very, very messy for the rest of our conversation. And we have much to discuss. MARLEY Just because your finger feels me, doesn’t mean I am solid. It is your finger that makes me. And your eyes. And your ears. I am of your own manufacture. MARLEY Just as these chains were manufactured by us. By Scrooge and Marley. In factories in London, Birmingham and Manchester. SCROOGE I didn’t eat today. You are the result of light headedness caused by hunger. I am asleep in that armchair. MARLEY Perhaps. MARLEY I don’t understand it all but I smelt the burning flesh of a rocking horse. You threw a blanket over a pair of cold black horses. I believe that means jointly and severally, there is hope. SCROOGE Hope of what? MARLEY No need for me to explain, you will meet them soon enough. SCROOGE Meet who? MARLEY The Spirits. I have met one but I am told there are three. SCROOGE I have no plans to meet anyone. I want to be alone... MARLEY And yet it’s Christmas Ebenezer. Christmas. Something else I learned... MARLEY Christmas is real. As real as that flame. It can be felt but not held. It is the same in every home but also different. And it is warm Ebenezer... MARLEY Very well. Feel free. Open it. Go out there. MARLEY They have laid on a little show for you. FACTORY WOUNDED WOMAN You! You! You! Gas was reported. To save money you refused to dig out the pipes. FACTORY WOUNDED WOMAN You did this. You. You cut us to the bone. MARLEY Morris and Thompson. Remember Morris and Thompson? A factory in Birmingham which we purchased for pennies and where we cut their cloth according to our meanness. The consequence of one’s actions always ends up on one’s own doorstep... How righteous and scolding we were at the inquest. Remember? Idleness, drunkenness, a lack of common sense on the part of the workforce. We blamed them all and got an all clear from the Judge whose palm I crossed with silver. MARLEY Look at this chain. MARLEY This is not a fucking game Ebenezer, I said look! MARLEY Each link is a man or woman or child who died in our workshops and factories... MARLEY ...in Birmingham, Manchester, London. Bombay, Batavia, Jamaica, Mauritius... SCROOGE Wait, wait, wait, they were sub contracts.... MARLEY ...Bay of Honduras, Singapore, Ceylon, plantations, refineries... SCROOGE Enough! MARLEY No! It was never enough! Not for you or for me. And for what? What was the purpose of our gross accumulation? MARLEY For this we vandalized the world? SCROOGE Whatever, whoever you are, I should like you to leave my home now. MARLEY When your time comes, there will be chains for you too. A pause. MARLEY And your fate will be to wander the earth carrying the great weight of your past on your shoulders. Seeing and not feeling. Being but not joining. Smelling but not tasting. SCROOGE Unless I repent, yes? SCROOGE Humbug. I will say. ‘Repent what’ I will say? MARLEY We are bound together by contract. You must try Ebenezer. The Spirit I met has no concern for our souls. Maybe the others will be different. But in truth it is up to you. MARLEY Ebenezer Scrooge. The first of the three spirits will come tonight, as the clock strikes midnight... SCROOGE No. Too soon... MARLEY The next will come the next night at the same hour. The third will come at midnight on the following night. MARLEY Prepare ye, Ebenezer. SCROOGE A reality banished by the click of a shutter is not much of a reality. SCROOGE A piece of undigested beef. A lump of uncooked potato. SCROOGE Bah. Humbug. SCROOGE One, two, three... BOB CRATCHIT Why are you awake my love? MARY I’m excited. They’re ringing eleven. It’s almost Christmas. BOB CRATCHIT Mary? Is there something you want to tell me? BOB CRATCHIT Mary. If the money you received was not sent by some mysterious cousin in America, then who did give it to you. BOB CRATCHIT And why? MARY Let Christmas be, Bob. Just let Christmas be. Please. Listen. It is almost here... BOB CRATCHIT And when Christmas is done, you will tell me who. SCROOGE .....nine, ten, eleven. SCROOGE One hour to go. He picks up the poker and lays it across his knees. SCROOGE Then it will begin. Reason against fancy. We will know the winner by morning.