ANDREW BRIANNA CARTER DRIVER DYLAN ELYSE EMMETT ENID FEMALE_LAWYER HELEN HOWARD IRENE JUDGE MALE_LAWYER MERRY MINISTER PARTY_GUEST PARTY_STAFF PETER ROB RUBY SALLY SAM SERVER TAXI_DRIVER WOMAN ROB Woah! DRIVER Watch it, buddy! ROB Here you go! SAM Ah, the cavalry. SAM What is this?! ROB Coffee. SAM What’s in it? ROB Ummm… SAM It isn’t Stevia? ROB No, they were out. SAM "Rob, if you're gonna do something nice, get it right." ROB Yes, Captain. SAM It's "Major" to you. I've been promoted. ROB Nice.Very seasonal. SAM Y’know, not one person's put a tip in there all day. ROB There you go, Major. SAM As you were. ROB Trick or treat, Sam. ROB Morning, Enid. ENID Hi, Mr. Carelli! MERRY Let me guess, you're late because you stopped to buy Sam coffee again? You can stop now. I've already awarded you the "nicest guy in the office" award. ROB I like him. MERRY Why? ROB He's honest. MERRY Oh, my! Higgins one, two, three are already ahead of you. You better get going. I’ll put this in your office. CARTER Emmett! EMMETT Mm? CARTER Elyse Samford is coming in next week to discuss a trademark infringement suit. That's the file. I want precedents cited, t's crossed, i's dotted. EMMETT Who's Elyse Sanford? CARTER Samford! With an “m". The new CEO of Samford Candy! One of our biggest clients. I don't care if you have to work on that all weekend. Put 150% into that. EMMETT Absolutely, Dad. I will dedicate myself entirely to this all weekend long and cancel all my other plans. You got it! All over it! Sanford... Samford. ANDREW Yes! EMMETT Andrew. ANDREW Hey. EMMETT Dad wants precedents cited on these by Monday. Make sure you cross the i's and dot the t's. ANDREW This weekend? No, no, no. I'm playing golf with— EMMETT I don't care if you're golfing with all four living ex-presidents. Handle this. ANDREW EMMETT Chin up, Rob. ANDREW So, Rob, how's it going? ROB Busy. ANDREW Busy, yeah. And yet your billable hours aren't even near the goal we set at your last year-end review. ROB I sort of felt the number you set wasn't realistic given the actual number of hours in a day. ANDREW Oh, Rob, Rob, Rob… I see I'm going to have to help you succeed despite yourself. There you go! That should take you all weekend. Lots and lots of billable hours. Don’t thank me. MERRY Let me guess. Covering for Emmett and Andrew? ROB Can you get me everything you have on Samford Candy? MERRY You want me to stay late with you? ROB No reason for your evening to be ruined, too. MERRY Hang in there. Maybe one day you'll get to live the dream, too. You never know. ROB Ruby! RUBY Hey, Uncle Rob! ROB Hey, sweetie. RUBY Ready for some bowling? ROB Well, that's um, kinda the thing... I can't make it tonight. RUBY Don't stand me up! You're my only uncle. ROB Uh-huh, I realize I'm your only uncle. RUBY I'm not taking no for an answer. ROB Okay, okay! I'll come. You ever think about being a lawyer yourself or has hanging around me totally turned you off of it? RUBY I'll see you at bowling. ROB I'll see you later. Bye, bud. RUBY Oh-oh! Ruby Cole in the house! You owe me pizza! Sausage and mushrooms. ROB Girls your age don't eat mushrooms. RUBY I'm precocious. ROB I'm well aware of that. Just because you got a strike doesn't mean you're gonna beat me. RUBY Just 'cause you're a guy doesn't mean you're gonna beat me. Kelly Kulick— ROB Won the PBA Tour title against a man in 2010, I know. HOWARD Your feet got ahead of your swing. ELYSE Really, Dad? 'Cause I think I've beaten you two games to one today. HOWARD It's called a head start. RUBY Excellent bowler! ELYSE You know what? They say the strength in the wrist diminishes with age. I think I'm gonna get you a wrist guard for your next birthday. HOWARD Highly unlikely, my dear. Highly unlikely. RUBY Want me to go talk you up to her? She's with her dad. ROB You've got to stop trying to fix me up. I'm doing fine. HOWARD Ah! La-la-la-la... ELYSE You're killing me, dad! Give me a break! No, seriously, I need a break. Do you want a snack? HOWARD No, I think I'm just gonna stay here and gloat. RUBY You haven't had a date since that lawyer lady closed the file on you. ROB I'm good. I've just been busy. I'll meet someone when I meet someone. RUBY Hey, can I get a candy bar? Thanks. ELYSE Hi. RUBY Hey. ELYSE Buying some candy? RUBY Yep. ELYSE Which one are you gonna get? RUBY My favorites. ROB Ruby! RUBY Just so you know, he's single and a lawyer. Very successful. ELYSE Impressive. You must be very proud. RUBY I am. ROB Hey. ELYSE Hi! Nice kid you've got here, Ray. ROB She sure is, but that's not ELYSE Got great taste in candy. ROB What? RUBY Come on! You had such an opportunity and you just wasted it! ROB Really? RUBY It's always good to get you out of the office. Those two guys at work still giving you a hard time? ROB Their daddy's the boss. RUBY I wish I could cast a spell on them. ROB Excellent idea! RUBY But I mean, you're a cool guy, so why do they have to treat you like that? ROB When you're the low man on the totem pole, everyone else gets to stand on top of your head. RUBY You're too nice. ROB You can't be too nice. RUBY Yeah, you can. HELEN Hi! ROB Here she is. Safe and sound. RUBY Can Uncle Rob hang out with us, Mom? ROB Sorry, gotta get back to work. RUBY You know it's very important I spend time with appropriate male role models. ROB That's why I just took you bowling, buddy. HELEN I'm almost finished with your Halloween costume. Do you want to come try it on? RUBY See you next week, Uncle Rob. ROB Bye. HELEN Thank you. RUBY My God, it's just so awesome! ROB ROB Stevia. SAM Attaboy! Worked all weekend again? ROB No. SAM Really? What did you do? ROB For one thing, I went bowling. SAM Ah, impetuous youth! You, sign in. EMMETT Are you kidding me? You see me every day! SAM Sign in. EMMETT Do you have any idea what dealing with you is like? SAM Disturbing and frustrating? EMMETT Yeah, on a good day. SAM Thank you. ANDREW Make sure to have the restrooms cleaned, spotless. Yes, get to work. Send those to the third cubicle. ROB What's going on? MERRY Uh, Samford Candy. Something about some trademark infringement lawsuit. ROB Oh, that explains my weekend... or lack thereof. ANDREW Let's go, guys. Listen. Let’s et these boxes out of here. Right now, pronto. Hustle! ROB Any inside info? MERRY Howard Samford is retiring and handing the company over to his daughter Elyse. She's a Princeton grad. No dummy, but not a lot of practical experience. ROB Merry, you are a fount of information. ANDREW Hustle! Good work, people! Nice! Hi. Did you put 150% into that? ROB Always do. ANDREW Excellent. Well, this is a major client. You should feel very pleased that I trust you enough to allow you to work on this. ROB Just spending time with him is privilege enough. CARTER Carelli! Look, when Ms. Samford gets here I want you to join us in the conference room, okay? Just me and the boys looks a little too nepotistic. You can talk, just not much. ROB Yes, sir. Samford... Elyse Samford... Ooh! ENID Ms. Samford! ELYSE Hey. ENID Mr. Samford! HOWARD Hi. ENID Mr. Higgins is waiting for you, but can I get you anything before I take you back? Perhaps a cappuccino, a latte? Sparkling water, energy drink, a soda? Diet soda? Champagne? ELYSE I'm okay. HOWARD Nothing for me, thank you. ENID Alright, please have a seat. It will just be a moment. The Samfords are here. Yes. ELYSE Oh, I'm sorry. I never had to wear heels when I was working in the field. I'm only good for about an hour. ENID Alright. ENID Yes? Alright, thank you. Alright, we'll be meeting in conference room one, if you'll follow me. CARTER Hello, Elyse. Nice to see you! How are you? Howard, this is a surprise! HOWARD Carter, always. CARTER Please sit down. ANDREW Nice to meet you, Ms. Samford. EMMETT You know, you look familiar. ELYSE Really? EMMETT Wait a minute. It was last week, at the Sustainable Harvest conference, right? ELYSE Oh! Yes, yes, absolutely! Are you into organic gardening too? EMMETT Yeah, I am up to my elbows. ELYSE Wonderful. ROB Sorry I'm late. ELYSE Oh my gosh, small world! Um… Ray, right? With the adorable daughter? ROB We sort of met already. Rob, not Ray. ELYSE No, but your shirt ROB Vintage. And she's my niece. Not married. ELYSE Nice to meet you. ROB Nice to meet you as well. HOWARD Before we get started, I just want to take this opportunity to officially introduce you to Elyse. She's been working with Samford Candy since high school, has her MBA at Princeton. I feel very confident that she's going to be picking up where I'm leaving off and taking the company to new heights. It's time for a generational change at Samford Candy. Meet your new boss. ELYSE Well, I will be looking to Higgins and Sons for the same wise guidance you've given my father over the years. And trust me, I know that everybody thinks that I just got this job because I'm the old man's daughter... Which would be exactly right. But that's what happens in a family-owned company, right, "and Sons”? So I just want to make it clear. I'm a collaborative person and I look forward to us working together. So let's get started. CARTER It looks Elyse, as though you're being greeted with trial by fire. What we have on the table here is a trademark infringement on Samford Candy by the Kraus Candy Company. They've changed their name to Sanford. Emmett? EMMETT Now, by using the name Samford, with an "m" like Uncle Sam, it has a distinct similarity to Sanford, with an "n". ROB The other way around. EMMETT Right, whatever. They're about the same thing. ROB Which would be the point of the suit. EMMETT Yes. By using the name Sanford and similar packaging, the consumer is being led to believe that they are purchasing a product made by Samford. Now, on the left, Samford, as you know. On the right, Sanford. ELYSE This seems like a potential profit opportunity for us. How much are we looking at? HOWARD They don't stand a chance. ANDREW Yeah, we'll need to seek an injunction. ROB An injunction, damages, punitive damages, costs and fees. That could be a lot of money. ELYSE How much are we talking? ROB Before we get ahead of ourselves, there is potentially a much larger problem. Sanford has been cybersquatting. This needs to be addressed immediately. EMMETT As I pointed out to you before the meeting, thanks for bringing that up. ROB No one has registered samfordcandy.com. You should jump on that right away. EMMETT Dot everything, sir. I am on it. CARTER And I’ll make sure we get an expedited demand for a temporary restraining order prior to the preliminary injunctions so it will free up a lot of time for us to get to the meat of this case. HOWARD By the way, Emmett, nice piece of work there. EMMETT Our clients deserve our full attention. if that means me missing out on a weekend or a bunch of sleep, so be it. CARTER Andrew will be taking point on this. ANDREW Of course, dad. ELYSE Wonderful. Well, thank you all for your hard work. I feel Samford is well taken care of. And Rob, good job jumping on the cybersquatting. ROB My pleasure. ANDREW This case is our top priority, Ms. Samford. HOWARD That's good to hear. We do have the annual Halloween Ball coming up, as you may know. It would be a shame to have this hanging over our heads. CARTER Just leave it with us. HOWARD Terrific. Well done, as always. CARTER Nice to see ya, Howard. All the best ELYSE Thanks, Carter. Thank you. HOWARD Gentlemen. EMMETT Pleasure as always, sir. EMMETT Ohhh, the annual ball. ANDREW The ball! EMMETT It's amazing. It’s such a like, extravaganza. ANDREW Yeah it’s… not for little people, Rob. EMMETT Yeah, maybe one day when you make partner, think about it, but. Not ’til then. Hey, grab this file. ANDREW Thank you so much. What are you going to wear? EMMETT I'm going as the dark knight. ROB She's amazing. Smart, beautiful, funny. DYLAN Rich! BRIANNA She sounds perfect. When are you asking her out? ROB Not sure how ethical that would be while representing her. DYLAN I think that only applies in divorce cases. DYLAN Who are you texting? ROB Boss' son. He's dropping some work off for me. DYLAN Again? ROB Yeah. DYLAN Are you... Another round, darling, please. SERVER Coming up. BRIANNA Do you want us to verbally lacerate him? ROB I would love you to. But don't. BRIANNA Okay, so when you ask her out, tell her to bring a rich friend of hers so that I can… Please set me up with a rich… EMMETT I wouldn't think you have time to be sitting around here, Rob. ROB My plate was totally clear when I left the office. EMMETT Look, Rob... You want to succeed with our firm? You gotta come in earlier and stay later than everybody else. Alright? You gotta clean off your plate, and then you take a look around and say, "What else can I do?What can I take off of Andrew's plate? What can I take off of Emmett's plate?" You don't just want to be adequate, alright? You want to be exceptional. ROB When do you need this? EMMETT Bright and early. As a matter of fact, you are not gonna have time to finish this. Mmm! See you in the morning ROB Oops! EMMETT Rob! ROB I'm so sorry. DYLAN He is so sorry. EMMETT You shut up. DYLAN You are mean. BRIANNA Can I just ask one question? ROB Massive student loans, bad economy, and no one's hiring. Bye, guys. BRIANNA Thanks, Rob. That's too much! ROB Morning, Sam. SAM FYI, your boss is a tool. ROB Which one? I have three and they're all tools. SAM Tall. Dark. Skinny. ROB Emmett. What did he do? SAM Asked me to find a new job because the sight of me depresses him. ROB He actually said that to you? Sam, I'm really sorry. SAM Are you kidding? It made my day! MERRY Energy drink in your coffee? CARTER Attention, everyone! Attention! Ms. Samford here has a very exciting announcement for the office. ELYSE Hey, everyone! As new CEO of Samford Candy, this year I have decided to invite the entire firm to our annual Halloween ball. ELYSE So please come. Wear a costume, but none of this wearing a suit and saying you're dressed as a lawyer. ELYSE I'll see you all at the ball! MERRY I hear the gift bags at the Halloween ball have everything from iPads to dugout seats in them. IRENE I almost went as Emmett’s date one year. But then I learned I have an allergy to him. EMMETT Irene. That red is intoxicating. ROB Yes!!!! I’m going to the ball! Woo! ELYSE Hey, Dad! HOWARD Hi there! Nice to see you. Crazy day! ELYSE So do you think you can handle slumming it for a while? HOWARD Well, it beats plaster dust and power tools, banging and crashing. ELYSE You're lucky that you have a daughter with a spare bedroom to help you with your renovation habit. HOWARD I sure am! ELYSE Coffee? HOWARD Crazy not to. RUBY Do you want to know who I'm gonna be for Halloween? ROB Who? RUBY Kelly Kulick. ROB No one's gonna know who that is. RUBY People aren't gonna know one of the greatest bowlers of all time? ROB I'm thinking no. RUBY Well, I'll know and it will be cool. Only trick or treating all night with a heavy bowling ball might be tough. ROB You could make one out of Styrofoam and paint it. RUBY My mom can make me one. What about you? Are you gonna do that "I'm not wearing a costume because adults should dress like adults on Halloween" thing again? ROB Actually, I'm wearing a costume this year. RUBY Truth? ROB Yeah. I'm going to a Halloween ball given by Samford Candy and I hear they have some pretty amazing things in their gift bags, some of which might even go to you. RUBY You are getting in a costume and going to a Halloween party? What the heck happened to you? ROB Man to man? Man to girl... RUBY I'll never tell. Mom! Uncle Rob is in love! ROB That's not what I said! RUBY He's going to this big fancy ball she's throwing and he asked for a costume. HELEN Don't you know my kid has the biggest mouth in town? RUBY I do not! ROB Mm-hmm... RUBY Give me a break! I just told my mom! HELEN Are you really gonna wear a costume? I haven't seen you get dressed for Halloween since you were about ten. ROB I know. I was a vampire cowboy three years running before I decided I hated costumes. What am I gonna wear and not feel like an idiot? HELEN I will make something for you. Let's get you measured. ROB I can't believe you! RUBY What? HELEN Alright... ROB You don't have to do this. I can buy something. HELEN When your sister makes costume suits for a living, I don't think so. 32. So... What is going on? How serious are you with this girl? 17. ROB Ruby's a little premature. I haven't even asked her on a date yet. HELEN Oh. Well, what do you want to go as? Pirate? Gangster? ROB How about the prince of the uncles? HELEN : 40. I don't know what kind of prince that would be, but what about a regular prince? Rob, stop moving. ROB Okay. HOWARD I'm speechless! ELYSE Dad, I was thinking... We should try and move the company forward by making it more environmentally friendly. HOWARD I'm listening. ELYSE So if we use plant protein instead of animal whey protein, it's better for the environment and it makes our candy safe for vegetarians. HOWARD It might raise costs. ELYSE But I was thinking, if we publicize our company as a family-run company who cares about the world, who cares about our consumers, we might be able to step up profits and offset those increased costs. What do you think? HOWARD I think you're going to be the most beautiful woman at that ball. ELYSE I mean about my idea. HOWARD The smartest, with the most beautiful ideas. ELYSE It's not gonna be the same at the ball without you. HOWARD This ball is going to be your night. My being there would just detract from that. HELEN Okay, let me clean up and then we're going dancing. ROB Dancing? Why? HELEN Because you're going to a ball and as I recall from your prom, you're a terrible dancer. ROB It's Sunday night. Doesn't she have school tomorrow? RUBY It's 7 o'clock. What time do you think I go to bed? ROB Homework? RUBY Let's go. You need to have some fun. ROB I went bowling. I had food that doesn't come in a paper bag. I already had fun. HELEN You are going as the last male figurehead of the Carelli family. You need to represent. ROB Is this the waltz? HELEN Yeah, it’s supposed to be. Alright… Lift your hand. Like that. Okay? Let's see what you've got, little bro. HELEN Sorry! You are worse than I remember. ROB Can we go now? HELEN If you can walk, you can dance. The waltz starts with the box step, okay? You know the box step? ROB Uh... HELEN Okay. Ruby, come and show your uncle the box step. I will be you, but better. Okay, you ready? RUBY Yeah. ROB You never said anything about turning. RUBY & HELEN HELEN Are you gonna let a 12-year-old show you up? Come on! Come here! Alright, thanks. Basic... box step. ROB One, two, three... One, two, three... HELEN One, two, three... One, two, three... HELEN Now look up. And stop moving your lips. ROB Okay. HELEN You're doing a lot better! You haven't stepped on my feet in a couple of minutes. HELEN Well, here's the secret. Dance like you're one person. ROB Sure, yeah! One person with three left feet; two of them mine. I am going to have blisters on my feet. HELEN Toughen up, buttercup. RUBY Do you want some tea? ROB I gotta get home. It's late. RUBY Who are you, Cinderella? ROB Yes, and you're my fairy godmother. I still have work to do. Can you wave your magic wand and make it disappear? RUBY Sure thing. HELEN Practice. ROB Ladies. HELEN A lot. RUBY Yeah. ROB Eight o'clock! Oh no! Okay... TAXI DRIVER Hey, pal! ROB Sorry. WOMAN Taxi! ROB No coffee today, sorry. SAM You look terrible. They're taking advantage of you, pal. You need to start standing up for yourself. ROB What I need is to keep my job. CARTER Andrew! Where's the trademark infringement filing? ANDREW The...? CARTER The Samford trademark infringement. ANDREW I gave it to Rob. CARTER I assigned it to you. ANDREW I just gave it to him to cross the t's and dot the i's. Dad, he doesn't earn his money around here. He sits around all day doing nothing Definitely not putting in 150% like I am. CARTER Carelli! Carelli? Carelli? MERRY I think he just stepped out. ROB Sir? CARTER What does your watch say, Carelli? ROB 10:15. CARTER 10,000. ROB I don't understand. CARTER That's how many attorneys lost their jobs at major firms this year. Did you know that? ROB I... I didn't. CARTER How would you like to make it 10,001? ROB No, sir. MERRY Mr. Carter, Mr. Carelli is always here before everyone else. I'm sure he had a good reason. CARTER A lot of legal secretaries out of work too. ROB She had nothing to do with this. CARTER My sons can't be expected to do everything themselves. Someone has to help with the heavy lifting. ROB I realize that. CARTER Pattern yourself after them. ROB I will. Thanks for your understanding. CARTER I think you should stay until 10:15 tonight. Maybe dot some i's, cross some t's. MERRY Want me to stay with you? ROB No, I got it. MERRY Yeah… I think I'm gonna stay with you. HOWARD Still working? ELYSE I'm just going over the quarterly projections. What do you think about if we go into gum or breath mints? HOWARD I think you're in charge of the company now. It's your baby. ELYSE Right. HOWARD Hey, I wouldn't have put you in charge, CEO, if I didn't think you could handle it. You're worried about this trademark business? ELYSE No. No, I know we're in the right. HOWARD When was the last time you had some fun? ELYSE I have fun. HOWARD It's a very evasive answer. ELYSE Okay, every time we go bowling, I have fun. HOWARD ELYSE HOWARD Beautiful night, isn't it? ELYSE Yeah, I guess so. HOWARD That fall snap is in the air and the leaves are turning. Wouldn't you rather be taking a walk with your guy than sitting here buried behind your computer? ELYSE Dad, you've entrusted me with a huge responsibility and I just want to live up to it. HOWARD You know, when your mother was alive, I tried as best as I could to manage both the company and a life with her. And after she died, I kind of lost myself in the work. No fun, no friends... I never fell in love again. Now that I'm retired, I intend to change all that. ELYSE Good. HOWARD Lysie, don't make the same mistake I did. When you're old and it's cold, you're gonna want company. Not A company. ELYSE ROB ANDREW Hey, Rob! Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yeah, looks good. How many billable hours would you say this represents? ROB 25, minimum. ANDREW Wow! That's great! ROB Thanks. ANDREW Of course, as lead attorney, I'll be billing those. You really need to get your client base broadened, Rob. This firm needs more rainmakers Maybe work up a business development pitch and I'll take a look at it. Chin up! ROB UGH! MERRY What happened? Are you okay? ROB I just dropped something. All good. ANDREW Sanford's entire concept was based on appropriating the worldwide recognition, good will and success of Samford Candy, in a... In a, um... In an intentional effort to cause confusion in the general public between Sanford and Samford candies. Defendant's actions constitute trademark infringement in violation of Lanham Act, 15 U.S.C., section 1114. JUDGE Anything else? ANDREW Uh, yes, Your Honor.We'd like to ask for a temporary injunction until the time that this matter is adjudicated. JUDGE So ordered. Nicely prepared, young man. ROB Thank you. ANDREW Thank you, Your Honor. No point in doing something unless you're gonna do it right. Right? ENID How are you? ANDREW Boom! Crushed it! ROB Yeah, sure did. ANDREW Oh, wait till I tell Elyse how I dominated! ROB You're meeting with Elyse? ANDREW Yeah. She asked for a full report on the court appearance, so I'm gonna explain to her in detail everything I did. ROB That should be interesting. ANDREW Yeah, maybe you should... You know, come to the meeting too; just to take notes or whatever. ROB MERRY What's going on? ROB I'm meeting with Elyse Samford. MERRY You've got it bad! ROB That obvious? MERRY Mm-hmm! ANDREW And then I filed for trademark infringement and got a temporary injunction to stop Sanford until the case can be heard. ELYSE What about the domain name? ANDREW Uh... Rob, why don't you read from your notes what I told you about that? ROB Um... That is covered under the Anticybersquatting Consumer Protection Act, which need to be taken up in Federal Court. We filed on that as well. ANDREW Exactly. We've got you covered. ELYSE Okay, great. Well, Andrew, thank you. I feel like I'm in great hands. And thank you, Rob not Ray. ROB You're good with names. ANDREW I'm sure Ms. Sanford has better things to do with her time than to make chitchat with you, Carelli. ROB Samford. ELYSE You're good with names, too. ANDREW Uh, let me walk you to your car. ELYSE Sure. ROB Bye, Ms. Samford. ELYSE Oh, call me Elyse. ANDREW So what do you drive? I got an M3 convertible. ELYSE Oh, I have a chauffeur. ANDREW Fabulous! ROB See you tomorrow, Sam. SAM What's wrong with you? You look like your best friend just died. Which would be me and I'm still alive and kicking. ROB You ever feel like what's the point? SAM No. No, I am constantly clear on the meaning and gift of life, my friend. I'm what you'd call a committed optimist. ROB I guess I'm just tired. Sorry. SAM Well, take a load off, then. Come on, sit down. And quit apologizing all the time. I'm the guy with the meaningless job.Too many hours, not enough overtime. But if you want to feel sorry for yourself, go right ahead. ROB So what's your dream, Sam? SAM What? ROB What would make you happy? SAM Alright, I'll tell you. But if you're only asking me just to get me to ask you, forget it. ROB You don't have to ask me. Do you ever think about a woman? SAM No, not since '98. ROB What happened in '98? SAM I became a realist. ROB 'Cause there's this woman SAM No, no, not listening. No, no. ROB She SAM I'm not listening. ROB Fine. SAM Man, you give up easily! No wonder you're striking out in the romance department. Alright, here. I'll get you started, okay? She's absolutely beautiful, right? ROB Beautiful, smart. SAM And? ROB Powerful. She's the CEO of Samford Candy. SAM And? ROB And she seems kind and sort of vulnerable. SAM So what's the problem? ROB The problem is that she's way above my level. SAM So what? You want to be on her level? Grow. ROB She's the head of a mega corporation, Sam. I'm a lawyer. It's a lot of growing. SAM Nothing you can't overcome. All you gotta do-- CARTER Carelli! What do you think you're doing? ROB Um... CARTER Young man, you represent this firm. I don't ever want to see you lounging like this again. SAM That's my friend you're talking to! CARTER I beg your pardon? Stay out of it. Step it up, Carelli. ROB Thanks for trying. SAM Forget it. Hey, Rob. I know these guys are working you like a dog around here, but you gotta make time to interact with the outside world. That's where the new clients come from. And that is what's gonna make you a rainmaker, my friend. It will also get these other clowns off your back. ROB So you're a lawyer now? SAM Used to be. You get one question. ROB How did you get from there to here? SAM A woman named Lois. The love of my life. We were partners at the same firm, until she "fell out" of love with me and fell into love with the senior partner. ROB That's harsh. SAM Well, let's just call it a "disincentive" to continue practicing. It's a nest of vipers. ROB Do you ever think SAM No. No. RUBY Are you gonna ask the candy lady out? ROB Not until I make partner. RUBY Oh, come on! Then I think you should go to the speed dating thing. ROB I'm not doing it! RUBY You're always complaining about how you don't have enough time to date. So this is perfect. Speed dating... Get it? For people who don't have a lot of time. ROB Ruby, I've had plenty of girlfriends. I honestly don't need your help. RUBY How about online dating? I think you should take a whack at that. ROB Why do I have children and security guards giving me life advice? RUBY 'Cause you need it. ROB Gee, thanks. Why do you care so much if I have a girlfriend? RUBY I'm twelve. How interesting do you think my life is? HELEN Look. ROB Wow! HELEN I keep telling you: I'm gifted. RUBY You are going to kill! ROB Helen, this is incredible! I don't know how to thank you. HELEN Oh, come on. Free baby-sitting is plenty. RUBY He isn't baby-sitting. He enjoys my company. HELEN Yes. ROB She's right! So I'll be over at 6 o'clock tomorrow. Ms. Kulick and I are gonna go trick or treating for a couple of hours and then I'm off to the ball! RUBY As you command, my prince. ROB Good morning, Sam! SAM Happy Halloween, Rob! ROB Happy Halloween to you! MERRY I'm thinking of going as a clown. ROB You like clowns? MERRY No, I'm terrified of them. I thought this would be cheaper than therapy. MALE LAWYER So how much are you going to give me for the dugout seats that are going to be in my gift bag? FEMALE LAWYER What makes you think you’re getting the dugout seats? MERRY I’m getting dugout seats. So! Think this will get me a raise? ANDREW Alright, guys and girls! Attention! We're letting you all go fifteen minutes early so you can go and get ready for the Samford Halloween Ball Really? Nothing? ANDREW Hey, yeah! CARTER How did Sanford get the domain name samfordcandy.com? I thought you were on that! EMMETT I was. I did. I registered it, Dad. I swear I did! CARTER Well, you better get this straightened out right away! I don't care if it takes all night! EMMETT The ball is tonight! I delegated this job to Rob. This is not my fault. CARTER Then get him to do it! Someone's got to handle it! EMMETT Yes, Dad. ROB You registered sanfordcandy.com. EMMETT So? ROB So it's Samford, with an "m". Which means that Sanford, the company we're fighting against, can still buy domain names Samford Candy needs. EMMETT This is your fault, right. You're gonna fix it. ROB Wait, how is this my fault? EMMETT I asked you to register it. You must have misspelled it. ROB No, that isn't true. You never asked me to register anything. EMMETT Are you calling me a liar? ROB No, you said you'd handle it. EMMETT You have to write a motion to set aside. It's gonna take all night. You might as well forget the party. ROB Listen, Emmett-- EMMETT If I see you at the ball, you're fired. ROB You're not serious? EMMETT Try me. ROB I'm sorry, Ruby. There's no way I can leave and take you trick or treating. RUBY You're going to the ball-- ROB I can't go to the ball either. RUBY What about the costume? It's gorgeous! ROB I'm stuck in the office. Tell your mom I'll wear her costume next year, if I can. RUBY It's not gonna be the same without you. ROB Have fun. RUBY Bye. SAM Sorry, sweetheart. No can do. RUBY Just let me go up for a minute. SAM No trick or treating in the building. There's nobody here. RUBY What about Rob Carelli? He's my uncle. SAM You're Ruby! His Ruby! Yeah, he talks about you all the time. Just go on up. RUBY You don't even have a door on your office? ROB It's a step up from the cubicle I used to have. RUBY Dreaming big, uncle Rob? ROB What are you doing here? RUBY You gotta go to this ball, man. ROB I can't. I haven't even finished up Emmett's mess and if he sees me at the ball, I'm fired. RUBY Has he seen your costume? Then you're going to the ball! ROB I really can't, buddy. RUBY You really can. ROB I have tons of work and they lock the building down at midnight. RUBY So? No problem. You just gotta be back here by midnight. ROB Or what? I turn into a pumpkin? ROB Merry, it's Rob. MERRY You're not supposed to be here. ROB I'm well aware of that. I'm just going to avoid Higgins senior and juniors. MERRY Did you get the motion done? ROB Almost. I'm going to go back before midnight and finish up. MERRY Don't forget to cross those i's and dot those t's. You go over there Look, tonight, you're not an associate. You're a prince! Go act like one! ROB Good evening, my princess. ELYSE Strange coincidence! ROB Maybe it's not a coincidence. Maybe it's synchronicity. ELYSE I'm Elyse Samford. ROB Yeah, I know. ELYSE Okay, this is usually where you tell me what your name is. ROB Remember that old board game, Mystery Date? Tonight, I'm your mystery date. ELYSE I kinda like that. Okay, so what do you do when you're not princing? ROB I can't tell you that either. ELYSE Okay, so what can we talk about? ROB You, the night... Bowling. ELYSE Bowling? ROB It's one possibility. We don't have to. I know a lot of people find it lame. ELYSE No! I'm a big Kelly Kulick fan. I mean, you've got to love a woman who took a PBA title away from a man. I have a custom Storm. I have bowled one perfect game in my life, have a slight right hook, but I'm working on it. And I love bowling with my dad. ROB I'm a big Kelly Kulick fan, too. ROB May I have this dance, my lady? ELYSE Oh! I can barely walk in these, let alone dance. I haven't waltzed in ages. ROB Don't worry. I'll lead. ELYSE I never knew that waltz could be so romantic. ROB Me neither. I learned from my sister and a 12-year-old. ELYSE ROB Get some air? Let’s not forget these. ELYSE Oh, right. Thanks. Beautiful moon. ROB Sure is. Your glass slippers, my lady. ELYSE Actually, they're Lucite. ROB Yeah? ELYSE Yes. ROB Little trick I learned from my grandfather, the shoemaker. ELYSE Thank you. This has turned out to be a magical night. ROB It has. CARTER May I have a Cuba Libre, please? EMMETT Give me a VRB. Two to one ratio energy drink to vodka. Don't mess it up. CARTER Emmett, I'm gonna need you to go by the office and bring me the Sheehy brief so I can look at it tonight. ELYSE Are you okay? EMMETT But the building will be closed by the time I get there. It's almost midnight. CARTER You'd better hurry. ROB Let me get you a drink. ELYSE Yes. ROB Okay. ELYSE CARTER Are you gonna read it here? EMMETT I'll read it tonight, at home. PARTY STAFF Your gift bag, sir. ROB Ow! EMMETT So you want me to go to the office right now? CARTER That's exactly what I want you to do. ROB Taxi! Taxi! PARTY STAFF Your gift bag, sir. ROB 54, Gaily Avenue. Go, go, go! ELYSE Have you seen a masked prince? PARTY GUEST No, I'm sorry. ELYSE No? Okay, thank you. EMMETT Hey, fetch the car. Come on! Get this. Thanks. ROB Sam, Emmett's right behind me! I need you to slow him down. SAM My pleasure. Nice suit! ROB SAM Yeah? Help ya? EMMETT Open it up. I need to get in the office. Open the door! SAM Oh, right! I didn't recognize you in your getup there. This should do it. No, no. Drive you crazy, uh? I'm pretty sure that's it. Yeah, there you go. ROB Come on, get in! SAM There you go. They should have a turnstile on that. You could get a can opener for that thing! I will let it slide this time. ROB EMMETT Oh! You've been busy, Carelli? You're only missing out on the greatest party ever. Chin up. ELYSE I had the most incredible night. HOWARD Tell me about it. ELYSE I met someone. HOWARD Tell me about him. ELYSE That's the problem. I can't. HOWARD Well, what does he do? ELYSE Don't know. HOWARD What does he look like? ELYSE Couldn't tell ya. HOWARD How in the world can you not know what somebody looks like? ELYSE Oh, he was wearing a mask. HOWARD Oh right, yeah. The costume ball. But you seem to have felt a strong connection with this fella. And you weren't able to catch his name or a phone number? ELYSE Well, it didn't come up. He offered to get me a drink, the clock struck twelve, and then I never saw him again. RUBY Hey, Uncle Rob. ROB Ruby! RUBY So how was it? ROB The ball? Or her? RUBY You know. ROB She's amazing. RUBY What? ROB SHE'S AMAZING! She's amazing. Thank you, Ruby, for making me go. RUBY No problem. ROB I can't imagine what going from being a lawyer to this is like. SAM No. You cannot. ROB But we're turning things back around. I signed you up for a continuing education class. All you need is 25 hours, unless you've been arrested. SAM Great. ROB You haven't been arrested, have you? SAM No. But who says I want to be a lawyer again? ROB You can say a lot of bad things about being an attorney, but it's got to beat working as a security guard for twelve bucks an hour. SAM Debatable. ROB Look, here's a list of the classes you need to go to. SAM Not gonna happen. ROB Sam SAM Thanks for the attempt, all right? ROB Sam? SAM What? ROB You can do this. SAM HOWARD Maybe we could get some DNA off of this crown and put it in some sort of database. ELYSE Ooh, do Oh, you're kidding. HOWARD A little. Not that I'm not taking this seriously. I am. Very seriously. ELYSE Okay, look. I've crossed off the names of all the people I know and then all the people I can eliminate. Those are the ones that are left. HOWARD I think most of these people work for Carter Higgins. ELYSE Really? Are you sure? HOWARD Seems that way. I think we should call Higgins. ELYSE Okay. ENID Higgins and Sons, good morning. ELYSE Carter Higgins, please. It's Elyse Samford. EMMETT What did I do? CARTER Did you talk to Elyse Samford at the Ball? EMMETT No. Why? Did she say I did? CARTER Does she know what costume you were wearing? EMMETT No, nobody does. You saw me. I was totally incognito so I could spy on the staff. Good idea, huh? CARTER I'm having a brainstorm. I'm going to need 150% from you on this. EMMETT You got it. EMMETT "Elyse? Hi, Emmett Higgins here. I understand you're looking for me. A prince costume, yes. Yep, that was me. Where did I go? Well, there was an emergency back at the office, my dad needed me. You know how it is when your father needs you, you gotta go. I've been meaning to call you, I just... I didn't know if you felt the same way that I did. Well, so... when can we get together? Excellent. It's a date. See ya. " ELYSE Hey, Dad, I think I found him. ROB See you tomorrow. SAM Uh, yeah. See ya. EMMETT So... we have a lot in common, don't we? We both work for our fathers... ELYSE It's great being part of a family-owned business, huh? EMMETT Mm-hmm. It is. Oh man, it really is. But it must be great being handed over the reins. ELYSE It's a mixed blessing. I mean, I would have happily been willing to wait if my father hadn't been ready to retire. EMMETT Our dads were great in their day, but... fresh ideas can really infuse a business with new life, right? Survival of the fittest, know what I mean? Would you like to start with some wine? ELYSE Sure. EMMETT I spent my junior year in France studying with one of the top vintners in the world. I will handle this. ELYSE You seem so different than the other night. EMMETT Well, like wine, I improve with time. Ahem! We'll have a bottle of the Lafite Rothschild 2000. ELYSE Oh no, no, I... That's over a thousand dollars a bottle! EMMETT I know. And you... you're worth every penny. I feel a real... connection, don't you? ELYSE Did I seem tipsy to you at the Ball? EMMETT No. ELYSE No? You sure you were wearing a prince's costume? EMMETT 150%. ELYSE Okay... Sorry, I just... hand cramp. ELYSE Hey, Dad. HOWARD You're home early. ELYSE Yeah, kind of a letdown, actually. He wasn't really what I expected. HOWARD Expectations, huh? Is this fellow worth a second chance? ELYSE I don't know. He was kind of a jerk. HOWARD In that case, you made the right choice in cutting him loose. Be patient. As they say, if it's meant to be, I'm sure you two will connect. ELYSE Night, Dad. EMMETT Had her eating out of the palm of my hand. CARTER Perfect. Then help me convince her to sell to Sanford. ANDREW Sanford wants to take over Samford? Wait, did I say that right? CARTER Sounds fantastic, doesn't it? EMMETT Well, it doesn't sound fantastic for Samford. CARTER Maybe not, but it does for the Higgins. If we can talk her into this, well, you know, I'll have positioned myself so we can make a fortune. This goes through, I buy a little island somewhere and you boys take over the business. You like that? ANDREW & EMMETT Yeah. CARTER Ah! Elyse, how are you? Nice to see you. ELYSE Good to see you. CARTER Did you get a beverage? Can I get you something? ELYSE Oh no, I'm fine. CARTER Well, have a seat. ELYSE So what's going on? You said it was important. CARTER Yeah. An absolutely amazing business proposal has come in. ELYSE Fantastic. Let's hear it. CARTER I have to tell you it's a tremendous piece of news. Are you ready? ELYSE I'm as ready as I'm gonna be. CARTER We have an offer on the table to buy Samford Candy. ELYSE Sell Samford? I'm not interested in selling Samford. CARTER Just hear me out. ELYSE It's been in my family for generations. CARTER There are major advantages to considering this offer. How much time you'll have for more travel, your charitable activities... You could remain on the board of Samford and continue to have a say in the matters that are important to you. ELYSE What's important to me is growing my family's business. CARTER Elyse, don't dismiss this out of hand. This is an extremely generous offer. ELYSE Really? Who's making it? CARTER Sanford. We're talking the kind of money that would allow you to devote the rest of your life to making a real difference. Promise me you'll think about it. I'll send you the offer. Remember, you and Sanford are the major players in this industry. Together, you'll be a behemoth. Unstoppable. ELYSE Well, I will consult with my father about it. CARTER Thank you. As your advisor and friend of the family, I highly recommend this deal. The economy is shaky, the future uncertain. Samford may never be worth this much money again. ELYSE Thank you. I'll see myself out. CARTER Have a good day. Send Andrew in. ROB Hey. ANDREW Possible buyout of Samford. Go through it. ROB Samford is incredibly successful. Why in the world would they wanna sell? ANDREW You're not being paid to ask questions. Just look it over, okay? ROB The question is, why is Higgins pushing this? Samford gets bought out, he loses his biggest client. How is that to his advantage? DYLAN Unless he's representing Sanford, too. ROB He can't be. That's a blatant conflict of interest. BRIANNA Too obvious. DYLAN Well, the whole thing sounds shady. BRIANNA So what are you going to do about it? ROB I'm going to try to find out what's really going on. BRIANNA Anything we can do? ROB Maybe. Let me get back to you. ROB Just, uh... forgot something. "Dottsandcrossis". Hmm... "EmmettandAndrew". "150%". I can't believe I'm doing this. Gotta find something to help Elyse. Come on, show me something. Samford with an "m". Nothing. ROB Caught you. SAM I just wanted to see how much I remembered. ROB Come on, Sam, admit it, this is helping you. It'll be the only good thing happening in my life. SAM Why? What's wrong? ROB My boss is trying to talk Elyse Samford into selling her company and I know something dirty's going on. I thought maybe he had a big position in Samford stock and was going to cash in, but he doesn't. SAM Higgins isn't stupid enough to hold a huge position in his own name, it's too obvious. Plus he's her counsel; it's a conflict of interest. ROB Yeah, I know. SAM Unless he's buying Samford stock under somebody else's name. Ever hear of a stealth takeover? You might wanna check the stockholders. ROB How-- SAM Used to specialize in mergers and acquisitions. ROB Of course. Thanks. ROB Okay, so we need to identify the names of the major stockholders of Samford candy. BRIANNA 30% of Samford stock is institutionally owned, pension funds, things like that. It's hard to find individual names. I got Joseph Burns, Alexandra Teller, Haro Sinanian, RiGlo Holdings.... DYLAN Fantastic. Are there any more dumplings? ROB Now what do we do? RUBY Search Higgins with each of these names. ROB That's my girl! Anything? DYLAN Nothing. We can't connect Higgins with any of the shareholders. RUBY There's a Glogau. ROB What's a Glogau? DYLAN Somebody's name. It's a picture of Higgins' graduating class. Yep, Rick Glogau. See, just like the others, his name doesn't show up as a shareholder. RUBY What's the name of that company again? BRIANNA RiGlo Holdings? RUBY RiGlo Holdings! Rick Glogau! I found him! ROB So maybe Higgins had his old college buddy buy a large position for him and is pushing Elyse into selling Samford so the stock goes up and he makes a killing. BRIANNA RiGlo Holdings has been buying Samford stock for the last couple of months. ROB Great day! SAM Not again. ROB Sam, we found somebody who's been buying big positions in Samford stock. SAM Can you prove Higgins is behind it? ROB You know, you should really consider a law career. ROB I need to get more information, but there isn't a lot of time. ELYSE Pair of shoes. RUBY What are you doing? ROB That's her. RUBY Who? ROB The candy lady. ELYSE Thank you so much. RUBY Yeah, she's the lady we were talking to by the candy machine at Plaza Bowl. ROB She's the one from the ball. RUBY Ohh! ROB Wait. Wait! RUBY Hi. I'm Ruby. ELYSE Yeah, I remember you. Hi, "Rob not Ray". ROB Hi. RUBY Do you want to bowl with us? ROB You don't have to. We don't want to intrude. ELYSE That would be great. I just came here to take my mind off some things. ROB I know what you mean. RUBY You want to play for cash? A little friendly bet? ELYSE ROB Don't listen to her. We usually just play for pizza. ELYSE Ooh. Anchovy and pineapple? RUBY Ew. ELYSE I'm just kidding! Don't choke now. ROB I'm waaaay beyond reverse psychology. See? ELYSE Ohh! Okay. ROB Hey, you dropped your wallet! ELYSE Ha, ha, ha! Boom! Did you think I was gonna fall for that tired old line? Go, Ruby! ROB She bowls to the right, she bowls to the left, watch out now 'cause Ruby's the best! ELYSE & ROB Ruby! Ruby! Ruby! Ruby! RUBY Maybe I should find a new sport. ROB Are you kidding? You are absolutely the best twelve-year-old bowler I know! RUBY Rob is the best uncle in the world. He spends tons of time with me. Not many single guys out there like that, right? ELYSE Yeah, you guys are lucky to have each other. RUBY Yeah, it's great he has me, but what he really needs is a girlfriend. ROB Don't mind her, she just thinks I can't function on my own. ELYSE Well, you guys, I've had a great time, but I am gonna have to hit the road. RUBY What about the pizza? ELYSE I'm gonna have to take a rain check. Rob, you know where to find me. ROB Hey... Is that a custom Storm? ELYSE Yeah. How did you know that? ROB A friend of mine had one once. ELYSE Yeah, but it's not marked. ROB Yeah, well... Don't wanna keep ya! ELYSE Okay. See you guys. RUBY I can't believe you didn't tell her you were the prince. ROB Thanks for keeping my secret. RUBY Why didn't you tell her that your boss is trying to cheat her? ROB I wanted to. RUBY Then why didn't you? ROB I can't really prove it. Plus I could tell her and she could not believe me. Or I could tell her and start a huge fire storm and it could turn out she wasn't going to take the deal, anyway. And then I'd get fired for nothing. RUBY Don't you always tell me to do the right thing no matter what? ROB It isn't that simple. You ready for pizza? RUBY Not hungry. ROB Come on, you're always hungry. RUBY Well, I'm not hungry. ROB Come on, Ruby. ROB Morning. SAM If you want to know how the class is going, it's filled with arrogant young shysters. ROB So you're still going? SAM For lack of anything better to do. ROB By the way, I paid all your dues, so all you have to do is finish the classes and you can practicing law again. SAM You're a good guy, you know that? ROB Not exactly. SAM Rob, I'm telling you you're a good guy. Me. Sam. The guy who hates everybody? Hey, Rob. ROB Yeah? SAM Thanks. ROB Did you actually just say "thanks?" SAM I may have. No, no, no, I don't do the hug. Hey, hey! Ah! Okay, we're good. We're good. ROB Thanks. Thank you. ANDREW Did you go through the offer? ROB Why are we pushing her to sell a hugely successful company? I mean, if they sell, we could lose-- ANDREW Did you go through it or not? ROB I did. But Elyse Samford just took over as CEO. If they wanted to sell, shouldn't they have done it before her father stepped down? ANDREW Tick, tick, tick. That's the sound of you wasting my time. ROB I'm just thinking that-- ANDREW You're not being paid to think. ROB I'm not being paid to ask questions, I'm not being paid to think. Then what am I being paid for? ANDREW To cross the t's and dot the i's. EMMETT Do you even read, or did you think you'd get a promotion if it looks like you can? SAM I passed the bar my first try. Unlike yourself, who still hold the state record for number of times failed. But I guess when Daddy's the boss, it doesn't matter, does it? MERRY The cloud ate my calendar. ROB I'll take a look at it later. Do you have Elyse Samford's number? MERRY If it didn't eat my contacts, I do. ELYSE Hello? ROB Elyse? It's Rob Carelli. I've got to come talk to you. ELYSE Okay. ROB Right away. ROB I struggled over whether to come to you with this, but I had to tell you about my suspicions. ELYSE If you're concerned there's something going on, I'd like to hear about it. Have a seat. ROB It looks to me like Higgins is buying stock in your company in someone else's name, betting on the takeover going through. ELYSE What makes you think that's the case? ROB Why else would he be pushing this? ELYSE Do you have anything to prove that allegation? ROB One of the major stockholders is an old college friend of Carter's. He's buying the shares through a holding company. ELYSE Can you prove the connection to Higgins? ROB No. ELYSE Carter Higgins has been Samford's legal counsel for decades. And I barely know you. So tell me why I should believe you. ROB No reason in the world other than the fact that I have nothing to gain by coming to you with this and everything to lose. But Higgins, if I'm right, stands to make a fortune if you go through with this. ELYSE But I don't know if you're right. You don't even know if you're right. ROB I know this is a big leap, but if you could just look into it further. ELYSE You realize if I confront Carter about this, I'm going to have to cite you as my source. Otherwise nothing I say will seem credible. ROB I understand that. ELYSE You'll probably lose your job. ROB No probably about it. ELYSE Then why are you doing this? Why do you care if my family business gets bought out? ROB I... The night of the... ELYSE Yes? ROB I just can't stand around watching you get swindled. ELYSE Well, thank you for coming to me. I appreciate you risking your job. I'm going to have to think it over. RUBY I'm glad you told her about the takeover. ROB Thanks. RUBY I'm proud of you. Is she going to stop it? ROB I don't know. I'm not sure if she believed me. RUBY Is there anything else you can do? ROB I'm out of options. My hands are tied. RUBY What if you told her you're the prince? ROB It's complicated. Things don't always go the way we want them to. Life isn't a fairy tale. Everyone doesn't always live happily ever after. ELYSE Ruby! Hey, what are you doing here? Are you alone? RUBY We need to talk. ELYSE Okay, come on. PETER Ms. Samford. ELYSE Hey, Peter. Go ahead. Thank you, Peter. We won't be long. ROB Furthermore, the plaintiff in the case-- What's going on? CARTER Carelli was absolutely not at the Ball. He was here working all night. Emmett saw him. RUBY My mom made the costume just for him. Rob was the prince at the Ball. Rob is the one who fell in love with this lady. ELYSE He did? RUBY He really did. CARTER Well, that's ridiculous. The kid's obviously lying. My son Emmett wore that prince's costume. RUBY You're the one lying. ELYSE Let's just get Rob and Emmett in here. Now. CARTER Emmett, get Andrew, and come into my office. EMMETT Andrew, Dad's office. Now. CARTER Carelli, get into my office. EMMETT I swear, Dad, I came back from the Ball and I saw him here. You were working all night, right? ROB I snuck out and went to the Ball. When I overheard your father telling you to come back here, I took off and just beat you back. CARTER That's impossible! You'll have to take his word or ours, Elyse. There's simply no proof. No proof! ROB Little trick my grandfather taught me. EMMETT Ew. ROB Your favorite bowler is Kelly Kulick. You've bowled one perfect game and you have the softest lips in the world. ANDREW Hey! You're fired! EMMETT I don't think you're in the right pay grade to do that, little brother. ANDREW Dad, fire him! ROB You can assume that if he was lying to you about who the prince at the Ball was, then he's also lying about his involvement in the Sanford buyout. CARTER That's it! Carelli, get your things! ELYSE Why did I have to find out from Rob that Sanford was cybersquatting our domain name? It seems to me if you were looking out for my best interests, you would have been aware of that a long time ago. Unless of course you didn't want me to know about it because you knew Sanford was planning to try and buy us. CARTER I'm absolutely appalled at those accusations, young lady. ELYSE Carter, I am firing your firm as counsel to Samford Candy Co. I will have my new lawyer, Mr. Carelli, send over a termination letter and collect all files today. ROB Oh, and Mr. Higgins, you can expect a call from the SEC about this. RUBY Score! EMMETT You do not get to talk to my father like that! You'll be sorry! CARTER Emmett? EMMETT Yeah? CARTER Shut up. EMMETT Yes, Dad. SALLY Hi, Rob. ROB Hey, Sally. ROB Sam, you are looking good. SAM Stop. ROB How's the new apartment? SAM It's more like a closet but it’ll do for starters. ROB Alright, "and associates." Ready to go? SAM Absolutely. Shall we? ROB We shall. MINISTER By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. ELYSE Ha! We got married.