AMETHYST BARB BUCK DEWEY GARNET GREG JAMIE JENNY KIKI LARS NANEFUA PEARL PEEDEE PERIDOT RONALDO SADIE STEVEN LARS captain’s log: i think it’s friday…i’ve ordered rhodonite to do a spectral scan of the system.hopefully one of these asteroids has the floatanium deposits we need to get our warp engines back online.hmmm hhguh. what now, steven?a letter? STEVEN dear lars, how’s space? is it still big? you don’t have to answer that right now… this is a letter!since you’re away from home, i thought i’d fill you in on what’s been goin on in beach city!everyone misses you soooo much!since sadie’s busy with the bandno one’s around to open up the big donut. RONALDO oh, come on! are they still not open? uuuugh! i know sadie quit a while ago,but why the heck isn’t lars here to pick up the slack? STEVEN uh, ronaldo, lars is in space. RONALDO good one, steven!i needed that! you’re seriouse?! STEVEN don’t you rememeber when everyone in town was abducted by gems? mayor dewey had to give all those speeches about it? RONALDO do you believe everything the government tells you? STEVEN i’m the one who told the government. RONALDO wait, what?! so that means…. STEVEN mm hm. RONALDO so lars is really in space? RONALDO is he in danger? surrounded by aliens?! STEVEN all of the above. RONALDO this is a nightmare…i’m the one who should be in space!!why does lars get to be whisked away into the infinite cosmos on and adventure of a lifetime?!it’s so ironic it hurts my soul!! STEVEN there, there… DEWEY morning, universe. STEVEN oh, good morning. DEWEY still not open, huh? i guess me and the big donut have a lot in common now. we’re both empty inside. STEVEN as far as local politics, mayor dewey isn’t mayor anymore. there was an election and nanefua won with her platform of working together! NANEFUA so, we are all in agreement, yes? in the event of a gem related emergency, everyone should go to the newly designated shelters. STEVEN me and garnet can take care of food rations! anyone know a good, non-perishable brand of chaps? GARNET you can also put some pizza ingredients on ice, just in case. NANEFUA that’s a great idea, garnet. we can ask all the local restaurants to pitch in food in case we have to hide for a while. DEWEY these all seem like…great plans, but how are you going to get in contact with everyone when there’s an emergency? this may be a small town, but it’s a big, small town. JENNY oh, mayor gunga! i could drive you around while you use the loud speaker to spread the word through town! NANEFUA cheese on bread! that’s a good idea! KIKI while jenny does that, i can take to the boardwalk on foot and let all the businesses know what’s up. PEARL and…as soon as we know of any impending danger, i’ll give everyone a call on my cellular phone!! KIKI it might be easier if you just sent out a mass text. PEARL what number do i call for mass text? KIKI pearl, is this your first cell phone?! PEARL maybe… NANEFUA is ther anything else we can do to beef up the town’s security? GREG it’d be nice if we could have some kind of lookout. maybe i’ll pick up one of those high-powered telescopes for the light house or something… RONALDO i volunteer! i love looking out!if i can’t be in space, then i can at least look at it! NANEFUA this is beautiful! ronaldo, greg-you’re on lookout duty.kiki, pearl- you’re in charge of communication. steven, garnet- you cover rations.and jenny and i will spread the word about the plan. now everyone is helping to make our town safe! DEWEY everyone, except me… GARNET aw… NANEFUA oh you’ve made things awkward. STEVEN sadie killer and the suspects are still going strong. they’re gearing up for a huge show right here in beach city! i hope you can make it back in time to see them play! SADIE and just as the chorus is finishing up. i’ll grab this fake, but very realistic chainsaw. then steven’ll hit me with the lights and we’ll all scream! DEWEY and then i’ll come out! oogidy boogidy! BUCK i don’t think you get it, dad. we’re going for scary-scary, not ha-ha scary! DEWEY oooohoohoo, all right i just wanted to help. SADIE did you cut holes in my bed sheets?! STEVEN jamie the mailman has been making a lot of progress establishing a local theater scene! he’s done a bunch of one-man shows and even started teaching improv! JAMIE people of beach city! are you ready to laugh your butts off? STEVEN i am! JAMIE we got a killer lineup for you tonight, so please welcome the beach city laughguards! STEVEN wooo! yeah! JAMIE now all we need to get started is a single word from the audience! PEARL steven! PERIDOT we do a scene about steven every week. PEARL well, i think those scenes are good. STEVEN uh, spaghetti! no, no…uh, car?? no, that’s not good…oh, uh, how about plumber? JAMIE i heard plumber! and now the beach city laughguards will perform a completely improvised scene based on the word…plumber. PEARL no, do steven! STEVEN wait, cats! JAMIE and no more suggestions for the rest of the show! BARB thanks for coming out on such short notice! my sink is clogged. AMETHYST welp, looks like we’re gonna need one of…these! JAMIE no no no! cut! stop!notes. eheh, barb, love how you set up the scene. amethyst, you don’t have to become a plunger, just pretend to have one. observe, and learn… aaaaaa, ah ha, oo oo ooo ooh eeh. PEARL what? STEVEN wow! PERIDOT that’s way too confusing! you could be holding anything! JAMIE i’m holding a plunger! PEARL oh, i thought you were holding a long, skinny submarine sandwich. STEVEN pearl! be nice! PERIDOT it’s obviously much more clear if you can see the actual plunger. AMETHYST uuh, she’s got a point there, dude. PERIDOT looks like i improved improv! DEWEY psst, did i miss my cue? oh, whatever—haha! helloooooo, ladies! it’s me, the waiter in this restaurant! can i offer you some more…worms?! JAMIE blackout! PEARL it was better than last week. STEVEN anyways, my dad’s still rich even after buying that telescope, so…he’s been trying out rich people sports! STEVEN he and garnet have been playing tennis on the weekends GREG garnet! this is a little intesnse for a warmup! maybe we could try a light volley?! GARNET this is light. GREG guh! GARNET being rich has made you weak. DEWEY oh hey, tennise! room for one mo—oww!! STEVEN in other sports-related news, beach city underground wrestling’s been intense lately! STEVEN the marmalade boys fought each other in, you guessed it, marmalade! the crowd was eating it up! but not literally ‘cause that would be gross. concrete heat faced off against the wolf of wallstreet inside a steel cage! and the goodlooking gang finally lost the tag team titles to the sea wasp and shark o mania. STEVEN i know you don’t need to eat anymore, but i thought you’d still be interested in the local french fry scene in beach city. peedee started his very own food truck. peedee’s not old enough to drive yet though, so it’s kind of just another fry stand. PEEDEE hey, steven! what’ll it be? STEVEN what have you got? PEEDEE well, i deal exclusively in tater tots now! STEVEN heh that’s great peedee!can i get the bits? PEEDEE uh, why don’t you try the tots?they’re the fry of the future. STEVEN do the tots have bits? PEEDEE i’ll get you the bits… STEVEN heh i like your super cool truck, peedee! i love the giant potato on the top. PEEDEE oh, thanks! it actually used to be the mayor mobile. i just painted over mayor dewey’s head. it’s a good thing that his head was so big and lumpy! yeah, the new city board practically just gave it to me too. it’s like they wanted nothing to do with it anymore! everything’s been pretty great for me since nanefua became mayor. STEVEN oh no… PEEDEE all right, i got the bits! ….steven? STEVEN mayor dewey! wait! DEWEY you know universe, seeing my old mayor mobile turned into a giant potato… made me realize that nothing’s like it used to be. my old life, my old town, my old citizens…they’ve all changed, they’ve…all outgrown me, i suppose. STEVEN well, of course everyone’s changing! nothing can stay the same forever. DEWEY you know what i miss the most about being the mayor? the little things! getting dressed and ready for work, walking down the boardwalk, seeing everyone’s smiling faces. yes! knowing i had a place in this town. i used to look forward to it everyday, just like the people of this town used to look forward to their morning donut. i guess these days no one gets what they want. STEVEN wait a second. i have an idea! STEVEN and so, mayor dewey started working at the big donut! it seemed as if the entire town showed up for the grand reopening! the whole thing filled mister dewey with a new sense of purpose. he’s really changing things up too! well, not really, but he is naming all of the donuts after himself. DEWEY next in line, please! BARB i’ll have a regular glazed. DEWEY one classic dewey, coming up!ooh, and how about a freshly fried dewey roll on the house?! BARB take it easy, billy. you’re gonna go out of business! DEWEY haha, you’re cute. STEVEN but there is one donut that’s not named after dewey. he let me name a donut after you! it’s a pink donut with pink sprinkles!i call it, “the pink lars.”even though you’re in space, there’s still a part of you here. in sweet, delicious donut form. you’ve gotta try one when you get back. anyway, hope this letter finds you in good spirits…love, steven. LARS i appreciate the letter, but why’d you write this if you were just gonna tell me everything in person anyway? STEVEN sometimes it’s nice to be read to. LARS you realize i don’t know who half of these people are, right? like, who the heck is peridot? STEVEN someone who misses you every day…i think…you know what?you haven’t met before. i’ve have tointroduce you when you get back to earth! LARS thanks for the letter, steven.