CONNIE DERRICK KEVIN PARTYGOERS STEVEN STEVEN if you see him, call me right away! he’s my only interdimensional gateway to space and i love him! okay…i think i have enough fliers left to…wuh ahhh! KEVIN what are you doing saturday night? hey! listen! little kid! STEVEN beat it, kevin. KEVIN i’m throwing a party at my parent’s palatial estate— all the coolest teens in delmarva have rsvp’d—except one…the only one cooler than i am. STEVEN are you…talking about me? KEVIN what? no! ew! i’m talking about stevonnie. STEVEN wh—what!? you can’t just— grrrrr. this is the last thing i need right now! KEVIN look! stevonnie is better than me, ok? better dancer, better driver…stevonnie truly does not care what anyone thinks. that’s why they’re the coolest. and if i can’t be the coolest, i at least gotta be seen hanging with the coolest. STEVEN stevonnie only exisits when connie and i are together and we’re…i’m not coming. KEVIN great…so i invited that other kid for nothing. STEVEN wh-uh! connie’s going?! KEVIN of course she’s going. no one turns down an invitation to a kevin party. STEVEN but she can’t stand you! why would she-wait! did you say all of this to her too?! does she think i’m-mmp guh ugh…i’m going to be there? is it too late to rsvp? KEVIN yes. …but, i’ll make an exception…for stevonnie. wait. what’s your number? i’ll text you the address. STEVEN oh! ya, uhm, three-o-one five-five-five. KEVIN here, you enter it. STEVEN okay, uh, how do i…you roll the little ball to navigate. the screen is so tiny! here. KEVIN huh, your name’s steven? weird. i thought it was clarence. see you at the party saturday, “steven” PARTYGOERS KEVIN steven! what took you so long?! STEVEN i-i got lost coming up the driveway. DERRICK yo, kev- who invited the 7 year old, bro? KEVIN hey! shut your mouth, derrick! i thought i told you to go buy more ice! ugh. you just come from picture day at school or somethin’? STEVEN i brought snacks…? wha-? ah! KEVIN this party’s lame enough as it is. look at these people—this is forgettable. but not for long! every time stevonnie shows up on the scene, everybody’s talking about it. and when stevonnie shows up at my party— everyone’s gonna be talking about this night until they’re old grandparents and their last words to their grandchildren will be, “kevin throws the best parties.” STEVEN lion?! wait, you’re the one who had him the whole time?! KEVIN what? ugh, no. i’m allergic to dogs. STEVEN then, what’s he doing here? STEVEN connie! KEVIN hey! STEVEN i haven’t seen her in so long. she… looks so different. ugh…! i thought she’d be here to see me but—maybe she’s just here to have a good time. maybe she’s moved on! KEVIN “she’s moved on?” wait, did you guys break up? can seven-year-olds even do that? STEVEN i’m fourteen! KEVIN you didn’t tell me you guys broke up! you got a free ticket to what would have been the best teen party in delmarva! but now it’s just some sad kid party getting crashed by a couple of sad kids! STEVEN all right, okay…i’m-i’m leaving! KEVIN no— when did this happen? STEVEN a few weeks ago. KEVIN hmm, you been texting her? STEVEN several dozen times. KEVIN she text you back? STEVEN uhm…no. KEVIN hmm, but she knew you’d be here… STEVEN right! right…i’ll…i’ll just go talk to her…i’ll…i’ll just go tell her how sorry i am. i-i really messed up and i was an idiot! and i- KEVIN woah! no no no no no no no no no! ok, kid…listen… i wouldn’t normally do this, because you’re a pitful kid with snot comin’ out of your nose— KEVIN but i need those old people to whisper my name when they die. and if you don’t pull it together you’re going to regret it—and it’ll be sabina all over again! STEVEN wh-who-who’s sabina? KEVIN you can’t just dump your emotional honesty face all over her. you’re going to freak her out! STEVEN i-i just want us to talk again! KEVIN exactly. but look what she’s doing— life is good. she’s got a dog now. STEVEN and a haircut. KEVIN right! but your life is good too. you don’t need to talk to her either. you’ve got new stuff going on. new friends…new shirt. STEVEN she gave this to me for my birthday. KEVIN derrick! gimme your jacket. DERRICK what? no DERRICK dude! agh! come on! KEVIN here. put this on. STEVEN your friend looks kinda mad though. KEVIN he’s not my friend. put it on. collar up. hmm…not quite cool enough… i got it! nice. it’s almost like you have style. STEVEN why do i need the scarf? it’s not even cold out. KEVIN when you put on a scarf like this- it’s always cool. let’s show her what a great time you’re having. KEVIN hey, kid. you should say “hi” to connie. STEVEN so i can tell her about my feelings? KEVIN no. be casual. you’re showing her how you have it together. you’re not dying to talk her because you’re not dying at all—you’re living! make her want that life with you. STEVEN kevin, that-that’s kind of moving. KEVIN so move already. walk over, be cool and walk away. STEVEN got it! okay…be cool. be cool, ya. be cool…hey! CONNIE hi… STEVEN nice weather you’re wearing. CONNIE uh… i got your texts. STEVEN oh, yeah…i forgot about those. because i’ve been living— CONNIE wha-? STEVEN well— back to my great life! uh, chowzers. STEVEN huu! that was terrible! this is all wrong, kevin! KEVIN no way. look little man, your girl’s making her way back for more! CONNIE steven! what is going on? i came here hoping we could talk but—it seems like you only want to talk to kevin! i guess kevin is your best friend now! KEVIN what! no! no no! CONNIE anyway…i’m glad you’re doing well. that’s…all i really wanted to know. STEVEN no no! but-but you’re my best friend! KEVIN best friend?! what are you kids even talking about? i thought she was your ex! great, now what am i gonna do…think, kevin…how do people treat their friends? STEVEN connie! STEVEN wait! wait, connie don’t go! CONNIE steven, i wasn’t trying to ignore you. i was going to text you back. i-i wrote: “i can’t talk to you right now,” but then i realized if i sent it, that would be talking to you! and it didn’t make any sense- i wasn’t making any sense. if we were going to talk, i thought, it’s got to be in person. so i rode lion to your house, but there was a note that said ‘gone vacationing’. and then i ran into kevin, and he said you’d be here. but, maybe this is still too soon. i-i don’t even know what to say to you. i’m angry…i miss you….i feel like i’m out of my mind. STEVEN no, you’re not! i surrendered myself to homeworld. i let them take me away – maybe forever! and then, i came back and i tried to act like it was no big deal, but it was a big deal. i couldn’t stand the thought of you being taken away on that spaceship, but then i did that to you! i’d promised you we’d always be a team and…i let you down. i’m sorry. jam buds…? CONNIE jam buds. it’s so good to talk to you! i’ve been wanting to see you so bad, i accepted a party invitation from kevin! STEVEN i know! i took his advice! i think he got his heart broken. it’s actually really sad… CONNIE of course he did! hey nice shirt! STEVEN nice hair. CONNIE eh heh. thank you. KEVIN all right! hey everybody, are you having fun?! PARTYGOERS KEVIN liars! you are all so fake! you make me sick! but get ready- i’m gunna introduce you to somebody so real you’ll all feel as sick as me! this party starts now! children! go! CONNIE it’s pretty late. we should head out. STEVEN thanks for all your help, kevin! KEVIN what? y-you gotta do the thing! what did i help you for if you’re not gonna elevate my party? wha? hey! don’t walk away from m— KEVIN shut up, derrick! CONNIE if it helps, kevin, i think you threw a very nice party. STEVEN good night! KEVIN no! wait!