ADMINISTRATOR BOTH CARTER COACH COP CROWD DR_MILLER DYLAN JENNIFER JILLIAN JIMMY JJ KENNETH KENNETH_SINGING MAN MATT MAYA MR_POWERS RAY SHENUTZ SINGER WOMAN ZANE MAYA I found it! I found the coupon! Okay, team, in three minutes, this 50%offbreakfast coupon becomes a 0%off breakfast coupon, so buckle up. What is it, Ray? RAY Why must it always be like this? There is no way we can make it there in three minutes. The place is 10 minutes away. MAYA Is that a challenge? RAY No, not a challenge. I believe you can do it. Don't show me. MAYA 10 minutes. SINGER ? Tumble out of bed, and I stumble to the kitchen ? ? Pour myself a cup of ambition ? ? And yawn and stretch... ? JIMMY Yeah, construction. Evade. SINGER ? Jump in the shower, and the blood starts pumpin' ? ? Out on the street, the traffic starts jumpin' ? ? With folks like me on the job from 900 to 500 ? MAYA Mmm. Hazelnut. JIMMY Nice, right? MAYA Delicious. SINGER ? What a way to make a livin' ? ? Barely gettin' by ? RAY Not a lane! Not a lane! Not a lane! SINGER ? They just use your mind ? MAN Hey! Whoa! What's the matter with you?! DYLAN If you would put oil in it beforehand, you wouldn't be in the middle of the road! MAYA You better listen to the little girl. DYLAN Do you want to be behind the van or under it? MAYA Do you want to be under the van? SINGER ? ...for service and devotion ? ? You would ? COP Not her. Life's too short. SINGER ? 900 to 500 ? MAYA And here we are. SINGER ? I swear, sometimes, that man is out ? WOMAN Excuse me. There's no handicapped placard on your car. Do you expect me to walk from all the way over there to just... MAYA I'm sorry, love. You were saying? Something about difficulty walking? She got difficulty walking, darling. Aw. Oi! Oi! Yeah, hello. Now, these these need a bit of a tuneup, but he's all there upstairs, and he's got a thing about staring. That's the finger. Work in progress. RAY Here. "Here." Why are we here? I don't know. Maybe she got a coupon for a crack house. JJ Ha! RAY It "It"... su "sucks." It sucks. MAYA So negative, Ray. You haven't even seen the place. RAY No, jj said it. MAYA Of course you didn't, did you, sweetheart? RAY Bully. MAYA Now, I know you're wondering why we're here. Well, we're moving! DYLAN What? To here? Yes! Their high school just laid down a $2 million track. RAY I'm sorry. Moving? Changing schools again? This will be the sixth school in two years. MAYA We're moving because I found the perfect situation for your brother. It is a plain old class with a fulltime aide, someone who's gonna be by your side, reading from your board wherever you go a voice. No more special ed. Brilliant, right? RAY But it's crazy expensive here. JIMMY Son, are you familiar with the phrase, "Pick the worst house in the best neighborhood"? Let's take the tour. RAY It's right next to the freeway. JIMMY No, it's close to the freeway. It's right next to the train! JIMMY The deck... ...was located here. So you're gonna want to avoid the deck area. MAYA Knock on it. RAY It's a cell tower. MAYA It is. JIMMY Yeah, it is. MAYA JIMMY Like 30 bars. I can call God. DYLAN Girls "Girls"? Yeah, of course an aide will help you talk to girls. JJ Ha! DYLAN Oh. Yeah. Hey, Ray, jj says we should try and get an aide for you, too. BOTH RAY JIMMY Something up? Uh, let's take a ride. We'll go watch the cars. RAY I don't want to move, and I can't watch Mom get disappointed again. She thinks it's gonna fix everything, but it won't, and we'll be on to the next perfect place. JIMMY Oh, nice one! RAY Oh, awesome! You know that. Why don't you say anything? JIMMY Because your mom believes, and I love her for it. I'm not gonna take that away from her. Look, I get it. You're doing great in school. You've got your friend next door, who sucks, by the way hard. That kid sucks hard. RAY You're just JIMMY Hold on. And there goes the muffler! RAY That was glorious. JIMMY All right, how about this? We've got the old house for a couple of weeks. I was gonna go there and pack. What if I don't, and if the new place doesn't work out, we just go home? RAY Oh, my God. I get to be right, and you get to be lazy. Those are our favorite things. JIMMY Yeah. RAY Oh, saw sparks on that one. So, so cool. JIMMY Everybody wants to drive around with a fat guy. Wrong hill, pal! MAYA Okay, let's go get jj a voice. CARTER Gonna miss you, bro. You're leaving a lot of ass on the table. RAY I'm gonna miss having someone else around who cares about astronomy. CARTER But, dude, you're my wingman. If you're not talking me up, I'm not sure I'd get that Sophia at that party last week. II did. We were all like Aaahhhh. And And then, we Unh! Unh. Unh. Unh. Unh Unh! Unh! Unh! Unh! Unh! Unh! Unh! MAYA jj is so excited. He's never had an aide speak for him before just mum. Suppose he is 16 now. It's time his voice changed. Oh, yeah, no. That means he's laughing. "Is my new voice guy cool?" ADMINISTRATOR Well, it's a she, and... JENNIFER jj! Hello, sugar! I cannot wait to be the ambassador for such a hip, young dude. I hit the Urban Dictionary and got up on all the lingo. I was thinking I'd call you Jtizzy. MAYA Oh, yeah, don't do that. MAYA Look at this. Didn't I tell you this place was gonna be great? JENNIFER "Dad, I hate... this lady's voice." JIMMY Yeah, son, it's not great. DR MILLER Oh, the DiMeos. Hello. I'm Dr. Miller, your school principal, and we are so glad that you're here just in time for tonight's big school fair. The theme is "inclusivity." JIMMY You said there wasn't gonna be a theme. DR MILLER Well, you'll find we take great pride in our progressive and thoughtful environment. In fact, we just changed the mascot from a Viking, with its connotation of pillaging and male sexual aggression, to a sea slug, which has both male and female genitalia. Huh? MAYA Okay, then. Let's go to school, shall we? Where's the wheelchair ramp? DR MILLER Right. About that. MAYA Bye, kids! Have a great day! A garbage ramp? DR MILLER It's not just a garbage ramp. MAYA No, it's a garbageandmyson ramp. DR MILLER No, according to the district, it's acceptable alternate access. MAYA Oh, look, there's someone else on the acceptable alternate access now. What disabled luminary is on his way to the Dumpster today? Oh, my God! It's space genius Stephen Hawking. Enchanted, Professor. How are you? KENNETH What is this? Is this a play? DR MILLER Kenneth, Mrs. DiMeo's son uses a wheelchair. Can you assure her this is our normal disabled egress? KENNETH Sure, it is. For a ball game last week, we pushed a sweet, crippled grandmother MAYA "Crippled"? Did you say "crippled"? JIMMY Oh, Kenneth. Sweet Kenneth. MAYA Okay, crash course in basic human dignity. Let's play a little game I like to call "Trash or Person?" I'll start you off with an easy one. Empty bag of manure trash or person? Go! DR MILLER Um. I MAYA It's trash! DR MILLER Trash. Of course it is. MAYA Bottle Drunk by a person. Drunk by a person, but it's trash. Trash or person? Trash! RAY Yep. MATT Hey. Are you new? I'm Matt. RAY You seem great, Matt, but I'm just here for the day. MAYA Are you, Dr. Miller, trash? Or are you a person? DR MILLER I'm a KENNETH You're a person, Dr. Miller. DR MILLER Of course I am. MAYA Of course you are a person. KENNETH Oh, Doctor. DR MILLER Listen, here's what I think should happen MAYA No, I'll tell you what's going to happen. You're gonna build a ramp in front. Furthermore, I would like "Crippled" here to be cited for his language, which I think should be deemed hate speech. JIMMY Be it so deemed. KENNETH Look, Miss... I enjoy your blindside energy. And speaking as the black man in Newport, a person who gets pulled over twice before he pulls out of the parking lot, the irony of being called intolerant is not lost on me. Now, if you don't mind, I have a lot of work and a little bit of Lionel Richie to get back to. MAYA Yeah. I don't like him. KENNETH Nice to meet you, Blind Side. MR POWERS He's here! He's here! More, come on! Everybody stand! Oh, God. He can't stand. The ovation is insensitive! Everybody down. Sorry. We're just excited. We haven't had a student before who's ...who has ...who is taller sitting down than any of us are standing up. We're done with the clapping! Your classmates have something they want to share with you. Zachary? Zachary's cousin is deaf, so he gets it. Huh? MR POWERS Huh? JENNIFER "Why? You don't know me." MR POWERS Well, we don't have to. You're an inspiration. So, what do you say, Mr. President? JENNIFER He says, "Eat a bag of " He's flattered, and he'll think about it! COACH 58 seconds! Dylan, are you kidding me? That's amazing. DYLAN Thank you, Coach. COACH 72 seconds! Jackie, are you kidding me? Amazing! DYLAN Sorry, Coach. 72 seconds? That's not amazing. COACH Yeah, it stinks, but what we value here is doing your best, whatever that happens to be. DYLAN Oh. Why? COACH Trust me. When 140. Emma, amazing! DYLAN Not amazing, Emma! You're slow! MAYA Sign my petition? Build a wheelchair ramp? Sign my petition? KENNETH Come on. What What is this, now? MAYA I'm raising awareness. KENNETH Of the fact that you're nuts? Oh, word's out. Awareness is high. MAYA Mm. KENNETH You are standing on the flowers I just planted. MAYA Oh. I don't care. KENNETH Now, you you're not gonna win. MAYA Hmm? KENNETH These people know who you are. They even had a big meeting about how to handle you. MAYA Handle me? What do you mean? KENNETH Mmhmm. They talked to some other school that you went off on. MAYA Oh, what other school? What, Lincoln? KENNETH No. MAYA Woodbridge? KENNETH No. MAYA El Modena? KENNETH No. MAYA Whitman? Marshall? Fountain Valley? KENNETH Does the fact that this is taking so long tell you anything about your patterns? MAYA Handle me, huh? Yeah, we'll see. RAY What can I say? The place seems great to me. MAYA Yeah. Oi! Sea Slug, office. JILLIAN Can I help you? RAY Oh, sorry. I was just looking for the astronomy club. JILLIAN You found her. Care to join? RAY Me? Okay. JILLIAN Jillian. RAY Uh, thank you? MAYA So, I told that principal, "I'm not staying anywhere that I'm not wanted period." JENNIFER Does that mean we're done here? MAYA Nothing's official yet, Jennifer. JIMMY Check the contract. We have you till 600. MAYA What do we do? Do we go back? RAY No, we should stay. jj gets an aide. I mean, we could find someone better maybe a guy with a cooler voice. No offense. JENNIFER No, I agree. May I go? jj's decided I sound like a fairy godmother. He's asked me to turn a number of students into pumpkins. DYLAN Yeah, he hates this school. He says his class wants to make him... president? RAY Fine. It's not for him It's for me. I like the school. MAYA Why? RAY They have a planetarium with a girl in it who likes me. This will never happen again. Can you guys give it another shot? jj, help me out. JENNIFER He says, "No. But my mouse friends and I can make you a gown for the ball." Is that really necessary? MAYA Ray, come on. We can't decide to stay just 'cause you met some girl. RAY No, of course not. It's something I want, so who cares? Forget what I said. Let's move. On to the next mistake. MAYA Where are you going? RAY The school fair. MAYA No. They disrespected your brother. They insulted me. You're not going to their fair. RAY But she asked me. MAYA Look, can you just have my back without an argument, just once? RAY In which fight? Who can keep track? JIMMY All right, both of you, calm down. JENNIFER I will not say "BibbidiBobbidiBoo." I don't think that adds anything to the conversation! JIMMY Yes, it does. MAYA Ray, I may find the fights, but they start them. I'm not going to apologize for taking care of your brother. He got the right mum. RAY Yeah, he did. MAYA Really? You Go upstairs. JIMMY There's no upstairs here. MAYA You Go where your room is. JENNIFER I need some air. MAYA I'm right, right? He's wrong. JIMMY I'm a little wet for this conversation. You fight and fight to make sure jj has a normal life. Maybe he's not the only one who deserves that. MAYA JIMMY Towel. Maya, towel. Maya, towel. Ah. Good evening, commuters! MAYA Ray? Ray? Oh, listen, I know you might want to stay here. And I know that I do move you around a lot. Well, come on, love. BOTH MAYA Where's Raymond?! JENNIFER He went to the fair! This was my idea. I need you to fire me. MAYA You are fired! JENNIFER I can't take it here! You people are crazy! MAYA You are fired! Ohh. JENNIFER Now, the center's gonna send you an evaluation. MAYA Get out! COP No. That's her again. Check out the tags. SHENUTZ COP They say it's not even a vanity plate. Lady at the DMV just gave it to her. JILLIAN This looks fun. RAY Uh... JIMMY Yep. There's Mom's car. All right, one of you should run with me and stop Mom. One of you should stay with the van. Hmm. What might be a good division of labor? Finger. Fair. JILLIAN You look nervous. RAY I'm not a big heights guy. JILLIAN I'll keep you safe. Uh... RAY Uhoh. ZANE Jill, what the hell? JILLIAN Zane. RAY Zane? There's a boyfriend? JILLIAN He's my friend. Don't be mean. RAY Up, please. KENNETH SINGING ? Come on and sing my song All ? KENNETH No! Come on! This isn't a parking space. Oh, I know whose kid you are. What's up, man? "You sound cool." Well, of course I sound cool. I am cool. "Want a job?" Are you hiring, Blind Side Jr.? RAY Oh, it bounces, too?! Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. MAYA Hello, love. RAY KENNETH Try it out? Sure. "I don't want applesauce." I don't care for it much myself. Okay, uh, "Stop leaning on my wheelchair." What if it was more of a, uh, "Back off, jackass"? JJ Ah! KENNETH "Do I look like a mailbox to you?" JJ KENNETH I'm kind of liking this act. Shall we take it out on the road? RAY All I wanted to do was stay in one place for, like, a minute. MAYA Oh, and you should make all our decisions. I mean, you are the adult, after all I am the child. RAY I don't think that. MAYA You said I wasn't allowed to get a dog. RAY It's a big responsibility! MAYA You don't know everything, little boy. Do you realize, before you ran away, I came to tell you that I gave up on this place too soon? RAY You were going to apologize? MAYA Oh, must we put a label on it? Look, yes, jj gets a lot of my attention. Maybe it's because he needs me, and maybe it's because you're so damn sure that you don't. But I hear you, Ray, I do. And I love you. And if you don't feel that every minute, then I'm not doing my job properly, and for that, I am truly, truly RAY Again, please. ZANE Last time, kid. KENNETH "Ray needs help. We should fight them." Oh, we should do that? Interesting. How many are you gonna take on? "I have an idea." MAYA So, I think we should give this place a shot. RAY Great, but I think you were about to say, "I'm sorry." MAYA Oh, I did. You missed it. RAY Mm. KENNETH Would all students report to the stage? Please report to the stage. Now! Think I'm playing with y'all?! All right, um, the kid would like to say something. "My name is jj DiMeo... student, inspiration..." "...the Wheeled Avenger, the Quiet Storm, butthigh lady candy." Little less? Okay. Sorry. All right. "...and as of this moment, candidate for student council president." CROWD SINGER ? Hey, don't write yourself off yet ? MR POWERS This is such an openminded community! KENNETH Yeah, you should see them during Black History Month. SINGER ? It just takes some time ? ? You're in the middle of the ride ? ? Everything, everything will be just fine ? ? Everything, everything will be all right ? ? It just takes some time ? ? Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride ? DR MILLER Oh, it would seem that you're staying. May I say that I'm thrilled? MAYA None of these rides have ramps. MAYA It could go bouncier. DYLAN Yeah, come on, bouncier! Or the next bouncing she's gonna do is on your head! MAYA Yeah, what she said! Go on. Bouncier. Whoo! JIMMY It's quiet. I'm alone. Can I do this again, but for, like, a week? RAY How did you get me to do this again? MAYA Well, actually, darling, I'm quite surprised you did. KENNETH Like this, jj? Yeah. Here we go. JJ Aah! KENNETH He says, "Aah!"