ADMINISTRATOR CRAIG DETECTOR DIMEO_FAMILY DYLAN GAS_COMPANY_EMPLOYEE GROUNDSKEEPER JIMMY JJ KENNETH MAYA RAY WOMAN MAYA Okay, you can look! JIMMY It's a tree! And it's just the first week of December! JIMMY How together are we?! We even said that together. MAYA How together are we?! We even said that together. JIMMY Okay. This is getting weir- KENNETH So, a tree? MAYA Yeah, we're so on top of it this year. We're even doing a Christmas card. Take the picture, Kenneth? KENNETH Seems like a lot more work having to Photoshop me in later, but okay. I'll go get the camera. JIMMY The new and improved DiMeos. Gone are the days where we would let things slide or drop the ball or you know, not finish you know, whatever. DYLAN "Wrong. You are the same, if not worse, and I can prove it with one word." JIMMY Yeah, right- DYLAN "Man-cave." JIMMY Oh! JIMMY Yeah. That was it. That was the one. MAYA Technically, I think it's two words, but still! DYLAN "Such a nice idea. Ten months later? Nothing!" MAYA JJ, it's not my fault! Daddy said that he was going to fix up the garage. JIMMY Thanks for that. I meant to, I really did. But stuff got in the way and then it became one of those things t-that everybody has, that you want to take care of but every time you think about it you feel bad so you ignore it. RAY Not everyone has those. JIMMY The “JJ's Dream” Charity. RAY Why did I promise so many people I'd build an accessible playground for kids with all abilities? DYLAN To impress a girl who broke up with you anyway. RAY I know! I didn't even donate! I'm almost as bad as Dylan! DYLAN What? I finish what I start. RAY I have a decade's worth of “Christmas coupons” you refuse to honor, that say otherwise. DYLAN Oh! So many hugs! I owe you so many hugs! I can't let you lord this over me. It's time to face the music. What are you staring at? You stayed an extra year in high school to prepare for college and you haven't done squat! JJ JIMMY We are the worst! KENNETH Oh! Merry Christmas from the DiMeos. DIMEO FAMILY KENNETH If I may, not following through is a regrettable shared DiMeo family trait. JIMMY We know now! RAY We're spiraling here! DYLAN Don't kick us while we're down! MAYA DiMeos have a real problem. JIMMY You're a DiMeo. MAYA By marriage. That man-cave was on you. I finish what I start. RAY Okay. That's it. I'm doing the charity. JJ's Dream is no longer Ray's nightmare. You hear that, “kissing mom dream?" You're back! JIMMY Okay. Let's all do our things and get Ray some therapy. I'll finish the man-cave. JJ, you had a list of thing you want to do to get ready for college? You want to hit that? Dylan? DYLAN Fine, you're not gonna like it, Ray. RAY DYLAN If it wasn't clear, that was a hug. RAY Curly slide, tunnel slide. Curly tunnel slide? Don't mind if I “tube.” DYLAN Drink this smoothie. RAY Why? DYLAN “Make a meal for Ray.” And now- Boom. What else you got for me? RAY Actually, I'm off to town hall for a playground permit. Want to tag along? DYLAN Sounds like a lot of pencil pushers and red tape. RAY I know, I'm excited, too. I like to play by the rules. This is where they keep the rules. DYLAN Yeah, I'm good. RAY There are going to be a lot of lines. We can divide and conquer. And if you're honoring coupons, I think I have one that seems relevant. DYLAN Ray, no. That coupon was a mistake! I was six and hopped up on cake! ON-SCREEN TEXT Do something sweet for Ray DYLAN Fine. Why not? You laminated it? MAYA Oh. You really made a dent, haven't you? Doesn't it feel good, following through on things you started? JIMMY You really think you're different, don't you? MAYA Oh, Jimmy, I'm not better than you. JIMMY Didn't say “better.” MAYA You want some help, going through some boxes? JIMMY Uh, sure. I've already started. This is worthless junk. This is stuff we're not keeping. Are the actors actually inside this? MAYA Jimmy, come quick! JIMMY Oh. What's wrong? MAYA Oh, look, from when we first met. JIMMY Lovely. Kind of in the middle of something. MAYA Look, it's us camping. JIMMY Keep or junk, babe. Keep or junk. MAYA Why don't we have more photos of us like this now? JIMMY Uh. Typically, pictures are of things that happened. And you and I don't, you know, do stuff. MAYA JIMMY What? MAYA Oh, God, you're right! We don't do anything just us anymore. I keep promising that we will and then it never happens. I have dropped the ball on the biggest thing of all us! We have got to get back what we lost. This picture makes me want to set myself on fire! JIMMY So junk? KENNETH Okay, you made your “get ready for college” list. "Guess I can check off the first item. Make list. Well, I'm pooped. Shall we call it a day? Make 'Shall we call it a day' joke." JJ KENNETH List humor. So good. All right, well what next? "Learn how to make coffee for yourself." Nice. Start small. Now, you know the rules. I don't help you since I won't be around next year. "Any idea what you're doing yet?" I haven't decided. Too many options, I'm afraid. Ah. I'll percolate while you get back to the grind. Forget it. Stupid DiMeo appliances ruining my jokes. Oh. That pot wasn't to your liking? We've got a coffee snob. You're on your own, what's the next move, college? It's okay, got any tire sealant? "Our neighbor borrowed it." Okay, so to make coffee you have to get tire sealant from your neighbor, then clean the glass, then get a new coffee pot. Looks like we've got a real “old lady who swallowed the fly” situation. ADMINISTRATOR Next. RAY Hello. Uh. My name is Ray DiMeo of JJ's Dream. This is my assistant, Dylan. DYLAN This isn't our normal dynamic, he has a coupon. ADMINISTRATOR Hmm. RAY Fellow turtle man, I see. I left mine at home. May I kiss yours? DYLAN He wants to start a park. ADMINISTRATOR Oh, well, that's a complicated process. RAY I'm a complicated boy. See, I respect all that you do. So, here's my B-O-2 for your A-O-K. ADMINISTRATOR Yeah, thing is, this is the Parks and Planning department. You need to bring these forms to the Planning subdivision of the Parks department. It's in the Planning wing. RAY That's not this? ADMINISTRATOR No. I wish. Next! RAY This place is so logical! MAYA Don't you want to get this connection back? JIMMY Junk. MAYA I'm not even showing you anything. JIMMY Keep. MAYA Oh, look! "Hey Roommate." Do you remember? This is a song that you were working on when we fell in love. JIMMY Like my gut since I turned 40, I refuse to be sucked in. MAYA Too bad. JIMMY “Hey Roommate.” Take one. JIMMY I'm not doing this. MAYA It's romantic. JIMMY Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. JIMMY See? Didn't finish it. That's exactly what I'm trying to stop. MAYA Okay. We're fixing this. Today. JIMMY Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah- MAYA Well, you and I are connecting, with or without you. KENNETH Okay. Quick status report on where we are making coffee the cat is missing. But if we can the neighbor's cat and fix the screen door we broke at the neighbor's house, through which the cat escaped, the neighbor will give us tire sealant to fix the tire and then we are making coffee, baby. "Preparing for college is so hard." Yeah. So much of it is looking for cats. WOMAN Hey. Excuse me, I really need to use the restroom. Do you mind just holding onto my spot in line? RAY Sorry, but I just feel like it violates the spirit of the line. You understand. DYLAN I think you have got a future here, Ray. CRAIG Next! RAY Hello, Craig. Here is my Form 6-12 Application to build a playground. And I understand you'll need to send me over to parks, but I'm here for my 8-97. CRAIG Can't get an 8-97 for a 6-12, unless you fill out a 3-83 B. RAY Well, I filled a 3-83 B just for fun. CRAIG Hmm. Great. Still a lot more forms you need to fill out. RAY This is what we trained for. Sir, would you mind if I played some of my psych up music? CRAIG No amplified music allowed. RAY Oh, Dylan. I'm going need you to sing the Rocky Theme Song. RAY That's not the Rocky theme song. DYLAN Sorry, pal. You're not getting this back. GROUNDSKEEPER Hey. No running. RAY I respect that. Yeah, that felt like Rocky. JIMMY You're helping. What's the catch? MAYA This is the futon were we had our first kiss. Know what we're gonna do now? JIMMY Maya, this is no time for our second kiss. MAYA We're gonna go out, Jimmy. Look. That was on a Wednesday. I mean, why can't we have relaxed fun like that anymore? JIMMY What three people are not in this picture? MAYA Florence Henderson, Tony Blair, Billy Crystal. JIMMY Well, sure. Granted. The kids. This is our life now. Will you please just let me do what I promised JJ I'd do? What's this? MAYA You won an argument. JIMMY Oh, I don't like it. Why do you do it all the time? MAYA Meh. JIMMY Maybe we can both be happy. You want to reconnect, I want to finish the man-cave. Maybe we do both. MAYA What do you mean? You want to have have our day here? JIMMY Not here. In the apartment where we first fell in love. Welcome back to 1997. Come on. Remember this? Photo of a random family I hung on the wall ironically. How much did you hate this? So much to catch you guys up on. The world's crazy now. KENNETH Hey, College. Listen, did you successfully sign up for that wheelchair repair service? Oh, WiFi's out? Oh. You're right. Give up. I don't think you should make the coffee. Hell, I don't even think you can. "Of all the motivation tricks you use, I hate re-verse psychology the most." Even more than tickle therapy? Banned for a reason. Any idea where the router is? KENNETH Under the sink? What fresh DiMeo hell is this? Okay, you gave it a good shot. Let's try again tomorrow. Sill all you. We'll get you under the sink. What are you doing? No. No. You can't do that! Not reverse psychology! Regular not-wanting-you-to-die psychology! Do you even like coffee? JJ JIMMY Ah, the '90s really were a golden age of movies that I taped Beavis and Butt-Head over. MAYA We're back. It's like we never left 1997. JIMMY Ah, what a time. I've got a woman I love and a 100 free hours of AOL. MAYA I can't remember a time I felt so relaxed. JIMMY See? It was just that easy. We just needed a little space for us. Are we sure JJ needs a man-cave? MAYA Just floating it but what if we put stairs out there? RAY What a great day for a groundbreaking ceremony. DYLAN And a heck of a turnout. RAY I need you to film this for the JJ's Dream website. DYLAN I'll never understand your generation's need to post things on the internet. RAY Hello, JJ's Dreamers. Head Dreamer Ray, here, ready to break ground. You know, I've always been a guy who follows through- Assistant Zoning Commissioner Lyman?! To what do we owe the pleasure? ADMINISTRATOR First off, thanks for the invitation. Nice to be included in something like this. DYLAN This is such bad content. ADMINISTRATOR But I'm afraid I have to shut this down. Your permit was denied. RAY What? No, I-I submitted all the paperwork, I-I followed all the steps. ADMINISTRATOR Yeah, but it's my decision. And not to get all technical, but my sister uses this area to play frolf. RAY No! No, it's not over. Not if I break ground before they stop me. ADMINISTRATOR That's not how this works at all. RAY Ah, you're not even flexing. DYLAN I am so glad we're filming this. JJ Ah! KENNETH Yes! Come on, JJ! Get to that router that any other family would know not to keep under the sink! Use that good foot! Go, good foot, go, good foot, go! Go, good foot, go good foot, go! Okay. Yeah. Okay, okay. Get that plug in. Closer. Closer. It's in! Ah! Water on the floor. Grounds. Dude, you made coffee! I hate it, man. This is ending. It's challenging, it's fun, I make a difference, and I'm so damn good at it. No, I don't have anything else lined up. That was bull. That is what you were asking, right? See how good I am at this? You think you're scared about what's next? At least you know what you want. I found what I love, JJ. And he's going off to college. DYLAN Ray? Are you okay? RAY Why wouldn't I be? Just because the entire foundation of my worldview was proven to be totally arbitrary? Rules don't matter. Systems don't matter. Nothing matters. It's great. DYLAN You want to fill out a form together or something? Ray? DYLAN Guys, I'm worried about Ray- What is this? How long have you been finished with this, and why are you both wearing cargo pants? JIMMY They never went out of style. MAYA They're comfy. DYLAN Just find me later. You seem so relaxed. It's weird. JIMMY Please go. MAYA Get out. JIMMY I think we both know what this means. MAYA Time to give this place back to its rightful owner. JIMMY Okay. Final touches. Okay. Smoke detector in. It's time to go, but we'll always have our teenage son's man-cave. MAYA I'm so glad that we know we can relax together, and that we still enjoy each other 'cause, to be honest, I wasn't sure. JIMMY Yeah. MAYA And knowing that means the world to me. We can take that with us. JIMMY Yeah. Last thing. Carbon monoxide detector. DETECTOR High danger! High danger! High danger! High danger! High danger! High danger! High danger! MAYA Oh, my God! We weren't relaxed, we were dying! KENNETH I just don't know where I go from here. "Time for an inspiring speech. The kind you always give me." Really? Let her rip. "You are cool. You are tall. And at the end of the day, go for the stars.” Wait. “Go for the stars”? What's that? Y-You go for the gold or reach for the stars. "Reach for the stars." Don't say "reach for the stars" 'cause I just. "I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular." Set of skills? You're giving me the speech from Taken? "Sorry, I don't have your gift for coaching." I wouldn't call it a gift. This is getting better. Go on. "You are a coach." Well, I-I kind of am. Could I be a coach? I think I'd like that. Yeah, I-I-I could be a coach. "And you're gonna shine like-" Don't step in front of a moving train. Coach Kenneth Clements. I like the sound of that. Thank you, buddy. I might just have a post-JJ plan. "I need some of your gift right now." Damn straight. JJ, you're gonna make coffee, and I don't care how many pots you break, how many tires you puncture, or how many cats we lose. You're not gonna give up until you have a cup of joe in that beautiful, wildly unpredictable hand of yours. Coffee in three. One, two, three. "C-O-" Yes, coffee! GAS COMPANY EMPLOYEE All set. With the new vent on the water heater you shouldn't have any more trouble. JIMMY J-Just curious, the amount of gas that was leaking? It wouldn't be enough to, like, change your mood, right? GAS COMPANY EMPLOYEE You kidding me? You could take a couple of people who didn't know each other, pipe that in, they'd be all warm and cozy. JIMMY Okay. Thank you. GAS COMPANY EMPLOYEE When my in-laws come visit I just crank a little juice in their- MAYA Yeah. You have been thanked, sir. JIMMY Okay, this reconnecting, it's gonna take a little more work than we thought. That's gonna take some time. Uh when do we have time? MAYA Uh The holidays are crazy, so. How’s January? JIMMY Jj tours colleges on the weekends, and then Dylan's track season starts. MAYA And then it's spring break, that's out. What about June? JIMMY Uh. Sure. Late June? MAYA How late? JIMMY July. MAYA Yeah, it's a date. JIMMY Great. Okay. MAYA And we're really gonna do it this time? JIMMY Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, we're-we're really gonna do it. KENNETH "Cheers, Coach." Mmm. Lots of grounds. But, uh, for my money, this beats Starbucks any day. "And it only cost $250 more.” Yeah. Oh. Mmm. DYLAN Hey, Ray, just making sure you saw that caution tape. Wouldn't want you to go in it. RAY Pfft. What does it matter? It's where my park was supposed to be. DYLAN I thought you might want to see this. RAY Full approval? How? DYLAN It's because you followed the rules. I went back to the permit place to see what the problem was. Turns out, he'd just misplaced one of your forms. We had a good laugh about it. I guess this means your worldview wasn't wrong after all. DYLAN ADMINISTRATOR Oh, my God! DYLAN Sign the form! RAY I knew it. The world makes sense. I never lost faith. And the best part it, since I did it all myself, I get to keep this little guy. DYLAN You're right, Ray. You did it all yourself. I'm happy for you. RAY Winter. MAYA Okay, you can look. JIMMY You got the beach chairs! Did you make lava flows? I can't believe we used to take the time to make those. MAYA Well, we're gonna take the time again. For us. I've got this, Jimmy. JIMMY I've got it, too. Hi, pardon me, excuse me. I finished something else. MAYA Aw, darling. MAYA Oh, God, there's more, is there? Okay.