CHUCK DANIEL DONNA DR_BOT FEMALE_PUPPET GLENN HOLOGRAM_VOICE JESSICA MEDBOT MEDIA_LYRICS MISTY MR_MARLOWE OPERATOR PUPPET_KING RADIO_LYRICS REFUELING_MONITOR ROBOT SAUL STEVE SUNSHINE SUSAN TED TRUCKER TV_VOICE VIDEO_GAME VOICE_OF_SHIP JESSICA I’ve always been amazed that asteroids can fly in groups for millions of years, and never touch each other, or connect. They are dead rock, so they find their perfect orbit and stick to it. We also want to find that place of perfection. But we’re not asteroids. We change. And that’s the problem. The more you try to create a paradise, the more you will resent the prison. And all you’re left with is dreams of a future that never happened. VOICE OF SHIP Unidentified pod approaching. GLENN Scan ship identification code. VOICE OF SHIP Scanning. Counting down. Five, four, three, two, one... GLENN Lieutenant Marlowe, you’re cleared for landing. Welcome to Omega Seventy-Six. Your room is number three on B-Level. Get situated, report to Medical, and I’ll see you on the bridge at eighteen hundred hours. VOICE OF SHIP Docking bay door opening. Docking bay door closing. REFUELING MONITOR Welcome to the Omega Seventy-Six refueling station. Are you in need of food, lodging or fuel? JESSICA Uh, no, thank you. VOICE OF SHIP Caution. UV rays present. SUNSHINE Mom? VOICE OF SHIP Main level. Elevator doors closing. JESSICA Hello. Hmm. VOICE OF SHIP Lieutenant Commander Marlowe, please report to the Medical Capsule. SUNSHINE It gives shots. JESSICA It’s just a routine physical. They need to make sure that I didn’t bring anything onto the ship they don’t know about. MEDBOT Initiating diagnostic mammography. MEDBOT Glandular tissue results are normal. JESSICA It’s cold. MEDBOT Lieutenant Commander Marlowe, I have detected some irregularities in the uterus, specifically-- JESSICA I’m aware of the irregularities. MISTY Dr. Bot, hi. DR BOT Welcome, Misty. MISTY I need to tell you I have just been feeling so much better since we started treatment. I mean, like, even just my dreams have just been better. You know, like, I haven’t been having all those feelings and, um, I’m just really feeling in the now. DR BOT Feelings can sometimes pull one out of the now and put them in the then. MISTY Mm-hmm. Yeah, I don’t— DR BOT Live in the now, not in the then. MISTY I don’t want to be in the then. I want to be in the now. DR BOT Talking about the now can sometimes put one in the then. MISTY I don’t want to be in the then, I want to be in the now, not the then. I wanna move forward— DR BOT Don’t move too far forward or you’ll find yourself right out of the now. MISTY I don’t want to be-- I don’t want to move forward. I don’t want to move too far forward. I want-- DR BOT Stay in the now. MISTY I want to stay in th- the now. I am-- I am in the now. Right now. GLENN This knob is the ship’s thrust control which works on a sliding scale of fifty. Obviously we’d never take it that far. If, in the case of a proximity warning, this red light, here, will go off, and an alert will sound. Which brings me to the navigation systems. Have you worked with the any of the F Series? JESSICA I have worked with the entire F Series, sir. GLENN F-Fifteen? JESSICA Yes, sir. GLENN You’ve navigated using the F-Fifteen? JESSICA Yes. GLENN Well, I don’t know why you didn’t stop me. JESSICA Well, I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt you. GLENN Well, the F-Fifteen. Wow, wow.. Well, little lady, I’m- I’m impressed. JESSICA It’s Jessica. GLENN What? JESSICA My name is Jessica, sir. GLENN I know your name, Lieutenant Marlowe. Thank you. ROBOT Captain Glenn Terry, here is your Harvey Wallbanger. GLENN I didn’t order that. ROBOT But sir, you ordered-- GLENN I would never order an alcoholic beverage on the bridge. ROBOT You ordered the drink at exactly-- GLENN Ted ordered that. ROBOT My records indicate that you ordered-- GLENN Robot, take that to Ted. So, well, I guess I can skip the how-do-you-dos, and put you right to work. JESSICA That’s what I’m here for, sir. VOICE OF SHIP Attention, Crew. Tonight’s luau begins in the rec room at eighteen hundred hours. MISTY Could we not do that tonight? TED Yeah. ROBOT Maintenance Technician Ted, here is your Harvey Wallbanger. TED I didn’t order that. MISTY I’ll take it. TED How was your day? MISTY Uh, I just had some issues from today. TED Uh, honey, you shouldn’t-- you shouldn’t take those with alc— MISTY Mmm. TED Anyway, my issue-- MISTY Your issue, yeah. TED No. Yeah, my issue is, is we can barely afford to buy Sunshine’s school tuition next year. MISTY I’m gonna homeschool, Sunshine. So, don’t worry. TED Okay. Yeah, should I, um… I mean, do you want me to maybe help you out with that? MISTY I feel like we shouldn’t be talking about all this stuff right before we go to bed. It’s really stressful. TED Okay. Alright. MISTY Uh, your whole vibe is just stressing me. TED Yeah. MISTY A female captain? DONNA Lieutenant Commander. There- there aren’t any- any lady captains, like, real captains as far as I know. Right? MISTY Right. DONNA Well, she just better wear a bra. That’s all I’m saying. Anyway, I do not know what the fuss is all about. I mean, can you imagine if I had to run this ship? I can’t even make our garbage disposal work. I would crash us right into a sun. MISTY It’s a good thing you're not in control of the ship. DONNA I know, that’s what I said. It’s okay. I should get going. TED Wow. STEVE Mm! TED Hey. H- how have things been with you guys since the baby? STEVE Great. TED Yeah? No, I mean, are you guys-- uh, is she still… STEVE Well, doesn’t Misty? TED Oh, yeah. Yeah, man, all the time. It took a while, you know? STEVE Yeah, we kept it alive during the pregnancy. Found ways to get around it. STEVE You see the new girl? TED No. STEVE Nice ass. TED I’m a leg man. STEVE Yeah? Nice legs. Nice tits. Nice ass. Oh, I would love to ! TED Would you? STEVE What? TED Ever cheat? STEVE Hell, no. Fuck, yes. DONNA Welcome wagon! JESSICA Oh. DONNA I’m Donna. Greetings! We are so happy that you're here. JESSICA Really, thank you, that’s a-- that— that-- DONNA Tada! I brought you a little something. JESSICA For me? Wow, thank you. This is homemade paper? Did you make this? DONNA Mm-hmm. I’m very into arts and crafts. You’ll learn that about me. And I make my own jewelry as well. JESSICA That’s very kind of you. Thank you. DONNA Well, it’s just a fun survival kit that I put together. Just a bunch of helpful things. Oh, don’t be precious. It’s a little packet of detergent to get you started. And also a map of the ship. JESSICA Great, this is great. Thank you. DONNA Oh, it’s nothing. JESSICA Very thoughtful. DONNA It’s nothing. So, my number’s right there up at the top. Listen, I know everything about this ship, so you just call me if there’s anything that you need. JESSICA Great, thank you. I-I will. Thank you. DONNA Great. Well, I’m gonna take off and get back to some things. JESSICA I understand. DONNA Yeah. So you have a good day! JESSICA Thank you. JESSICA Wow. GLENN All you people are fucking imbeciles! SAUL Oh, okay, what if we- we-- GLENN Th- there- there’s no we. Only you. You. Do your job on your own! SAUL I am and I was, but I-- GLENN No. No. There is no buts. I’m not interested in your buts. TRUCKER Excuse me, you guys got water showers? GLENN Uh-- Yeah. Do-down the hall on the right. Comes with a free breakfast. TRUCKER It’s gonna feel so good to get clean again. MISTY Hey, it is so great to have more estrogen on this ship. JESSICA Nice to meet you. MISTY Yeah, just great to have more female energy, you know? Really balances things out. JESSICA How are you? Hm. MISTY That’s my Sunshine. JESSICA Oh, she’s so beautiful. Really, I mean, how old is she? MISTY Yeah. How old do you think she is? JESSICA Like a guess? Um, like, I guess she’s about seven? MISTY I like to think of her as an old soul, so. JESSICA Oh. She may be. Yeah. MISTY Yeah. JESSICA But how old is she in people years? MISTY I don’t really like to label her in ages. I just don’t really believe in ageism, so. JESSICA Well, children are- are really wonderful and we get so wrapped up in our- our everyday lives. MISTY Yeah. True. JESSICA How are you? What do you got there? You know, I was-- oh. Um. Well… … um… I was gonna say if you ever needed someone to babysit or to— MISTY Wow, I am picking up such a great maternal energy from you. JESSICA Well, yeah. I mean, kids- kids are great. I real-- I really like kids. MISTY Oh, my god. It’s really beautiful. Why don’t you have children? JESSICA Oh, my, you know, work and time-- MISTY Oh, you’ve gotta have a child. You’ve got to. You really should. It’s amazing. I mean, look at her. JESSICA Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she’s very beautiful. I-I would love-- I would love to. I mean, when I’m ready. MISTY Yeah. You should. Oh, but don’t wait. Okay? Don’t wait. There’s never the right time, never enough money in the bank. You really have to just feel the energy of it and commit and really decide. And then once you do, I think the energy really opens up. JESSICA Yeah, I know, it’s not about money. I’m-- Yeah, no, I will, I will. I will. I will. Right now I just-- you know, it’s about career for me and I-- MISTY Times have changed, I’m telling you. Okay? You can have your work, you can have your baby. You just have to do it! You just have to have your baby. Just do it! JESSICA Okay, you know what? I can’t have a child, so I probably won’t be having a child. MISTY You can have a baby. Anyone can have a baby. What are you talking about? JESSICA It’s, uh, I-- you know, I-I have an actual medical situation where I-I can’t actually physically have a child. Do you- do you know what I’m- what I mean? Do you know what I’m saying? MISTY Oh, my-- Oh, my god. Oh, God. I’m so sorry. JESSICA No, I mean, yo-you didn’t now. MISTY No, I didn’t. I just-- I-- But I’m so sorry for you. It is horrible. JESSICA No, it’s not horrible. It’s really okay. MISTY I’m just so embarrassed because look at me, I have everything and I am just sitting here taking all of my blessings for granted. You know, and I-I-I can have a child and here I am not even realizing that you just can’t and-- JESSICA You know, we all have things and-and I have a career and I have a life, you know? And, um, it’s not the only way I-- you know, can have a child. I can adopt and it- it’ll- it’ll work out. You know, I-I’ll have one. It’s not a big deal for me. MISTY Hey, hey, hey. Don’t get defensive, okay? JESSICA Um, I would really appreciate if you didn’t say anything to anyone, please. MISTY Mm. Of course not. No. JESSICA Thank you. You're very lucky. MISTY I am so lucky. MISTY Mommy has to go to work. Watch your school tapes. VOICE OF SHIP Pharmacy link activated. Misty, state your prescription. MISTY Valium. TV VOICE Argyle. A Is for argyle. Baby. B is for baby. Bucket. B is for-- PUPPET KING Hello wonderful people of my kingdom! Welcome to the world of fantasy! FEMALE PUPPET I love you, King! VOICE OF SHIP Activating food service preparation. You have chosen crew meal. Cow, pasta, broccoli, pie. Crew meal will be available at seventeen hundred hours. ON-SCREEN TEXT Glenn,I am leaving the ship, effective immediately. I think we both know it’s better this way.Daniel GLENN Hello. SUNSHINE Hi. I’d like to be captain. GLENN Uh, well, um, that’s, uh-- it’s a lot of responsibility. A lot of long hours, a lot of-- SUNSHINE Do you like your break? GLENN Yeah, I do. I like it a lot. It’s one of my most favorite things about being a captain. SUNSHINE Mommy said it’s a bad thing if you smoke. GLENN Yeah, it’s bad. It’s bad stuff. SUNSHINE We learned in school that’s bad for your lungs. It can turn ‘em black. GLENN Really? Well, black. That’s a-- that’s bad news. But thank you for the tip. Okay. SUNSHINE Do you like your job? GLENN Yeah, I like my job. SUNSHINE How much do you like it? GLENN I like it a lot. I love it. I love it. I’m a very, very lucky man. SUNSHINE One day I made my own spaceship and I was headed toward ground, and we couldn’t land— GLENN Isn’t it really, really boring hanging out with me up here? It’s got to be boring to you. SUNSHINE My mom says not to-- GLENN Nah, no, no, no, no, no, no. No mom-- go find your mom. Search the entire ship for your mother. Okay? SUNSHINE It’s my break too, you know. DONNA Honey, Sunshine, no. Uh, no, not yet, okay? The baby’s too young, okay? You can’t come and visit. Do you-- you don’t know about germs on fingers and it’s just too soon. Okay? So I’m not gonna tell you again. Thank you, sweetie. I’m very sorry. But thank you. TED Whoa! Whoa! JESSICA Hello. Please watch where you step. TED Hey, yeah, uh, wow. Got a lot of new plants here. JESSICA Yeah, um, I’m experimenting with a new soy-based cro— TED Hey, wait, there are some plants over there that I was, uh, I was taking care of. JESSICA Oh, yes, don’t worry. I moved them to the back here. TED Okay. I’ll be right back, okay? JESSICA Bye. SUNSHINE Wow! JESSICA You never come to the arboretum? SUNSHINE No, we look at trees in the projection room. JESSICA No way. You’ve got to have the real thing. You’ve got to be able to touch them and smell them. They give off oxygen, you know. Did you know that? The stuff we breathe. There was a time when Earth was covered in them. And the animals would run freely amongst them. TED Hey. Don’t worry about those plants back there. I’ll take care of those. JESSICA Oh, if I-I can look after them. TED No, you know what? They’re just really-- they-- they’re finicky and I’ll just-- I’ll do it. Yeah. Sunshine, come on. JESSICA Would it be okay if Sunshine stayed here with me for a little while? TED Sure. Yeah, her mom likes her home by five. JESSICA Okay. TED I’ll see you later. Have fun, you two. ON-SCREEN TEXT Mrs. Donna Harrison Omega 76 B Level, 5 Quadrant 893 DONNA Mm! Shh! MISTY Hm! Oh! Don’t pick her up, sweetie. She needs her rest. SUNSHINE When will the babies come? MISTY Well, any day now. Why don’t you go get a sock out of your dad’s drawer and put it in there with her? That should make her more comfortable. MISTY Where are you? JESSICA Sir, um, yesterday on the ascension over the neutrite, I-I noticed that you embanked rather quickly? GLENN Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, what happened was we, uh, we ran into a- an asteroidal pocket. It didn’t really show up on the radar. If you’d ‘ve been here last month, you would’ve seen it. JESSICA But I-- GLENN Kinda came out of nowhere. JESSICA I also did notice-- GLENN Yeah, I’m gonna have to ask you to stay on that, now, if we’re gonna discuss this. JESSICA I- I also noticed when I- I was down in the spacial archives, a compilation of graphs that I guess my predecessor’s-- Is his name, um, Daniel, sir? GLENN Yeah. JESSICA Sir, Daniel? GLENN Yes. JESSICA Yes. Um, that Daniel put together very, very well I might add. I mean, they’re really- really extraordinary, graphing the trajectories and the way for us to avoid asteroidal pockets. I-- GLENN Yeah, I know, it’s wonderful. It’s a very interesting idea. JESSICA Well, I mean, I-- -- I think this whole “coming from out of nowhere” thing is- is a little dangerous. Don’t you think? GLENN Yeah, yeah. No, I’ll, uh, I’ll give it some consideration later. Right now, I’m, uh, a little busy with my work. JESSICA Well, I-I actually, sir, I-I have them here. GLENN Right. JESSICA If you’d like to look at them. GLENN Yeah, I’m… I’m just a little busy with my- with my work. JESSICA Okay. Um, I will- I’ll just leave them here for you and- and- and maybe you could take a look at them when you’re not bu-- GLENN You know, I have to speak to something. I don’t know if my manner is brusque or off-putting at times. I don’t know if as a woman you find it that way. But I’m just trying to do my work here, okay? I’m very pleased with your work, I think you’re well trained and efficient. And I think this will be a good experience, a, uh, uh, a learning experience for both of us. Right? JESSICA Right. GLENN So I’m really happy that you have new ideas. And I will let you know when I’m ready to look at them. JESSICA No misunderstanding, sir. I think men and women, we’re all efficient. GLENN Very good. TED Hey. GLENN Hello. Hamburger day today. TED Mm-hmm. GLENN TED Oh. Were you-- GLENN I-- Well, uh-- I-I was just gonna sit-- TED Yeah. I’m- I’m finished. GLENN Right. TED Right. GLENN Alright. RADIO LYRICS Come and wear your red dress tonight. I’ll play with the pearls at your neck in the moonlight. Dreamin’ of you, I could live in this twilight. I love you in your red dress in the moonlight. What keeps a man hangin’ on when all the things that he loves are gone? DANIEL Water’s warm, Glenn. Come on in. GLENN Oh, it’s hot. GLENN But feels nice. DANIEL No, this is nice. Get over here. RADIO LYRICS Change of scenery and change of heart. Oh, so, come and wear your red dress tonight. I’m waving the pearls at your neck in the moonlight. Dreamin’ of you, I could live in the twilight. I love you in your red dress in the moonlight. VOICE OF SHIP Electrical overload in bath pod. Correcting power circuits. VOICE OF SHIP Electrical power stabilized. SUNSHINE Mom? MISTY Feel better? SUNSHINE It looked like its head was gone. MISTY Yeah. It was. SUNSHINE Where did it go? MISTY Mommy gerbil ate it. SUNSHINE Why?! MISTY Did you touch it? SUNSHINE No! MISTY Okay. Don’t touch the babies. It makes the mommy eat them. SUNSHINE But why would she--? MISTY You have five more. Just relax and let the pill work. TED You don’t give drugs to a seven year old! You could have killed our daughter! MISTY I only gave her half! TED I don’t care how much! I don’t want you giving her your Valium! MISTY I-- Do not tell me how to raise my daughter! TED Your daughter?! Well, last time I checked she was mine, too! MISTY Yeah, okay, good. You need to chill out! TED I’m not gonna chill out! I’m not gonna get catatonic like you do all day, Misty! MISTY God! Okay. I know what I am doing. TED Do you? Misty, honey, you cannot give drugs to our daughter, okay? MISTY Yeah, uh! I-I can’t talk about this with you anymore, okay. Now I have to go! I can’t, shit, rehash again. I can’t handle this. TED Fine, Misty! JESSICA Ted? TED Jessica? JESSICA Um, do you have a- a moment? TED Yeah. Uh, hold on. Uh, press seven-eight-three-six-seven-five-nine-one. TED JESSICA Hi. TED Hey. Sorry, my hand was just recharging. JESSICA The captain’s really getting on me about the hydrogen tanks. TED Oh, go-- I’m sorry. If- if I’d known you’d needed those, I would have gotten them for you. JESSICA I-I- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come up so late. TED No, no, blame me. You know? He blames me enough. Yeah. It’s just one more thing. JESSICA Tell me about it. TED He does blame me? JESSICA No. I’m-- uh-- not you. I’m-- He blames me. TED Oh, we-- JESSICA He blames everyone. TED Uh, don’t listen to him. He’s so full of hot air. I don’t think he necessarily got a degree in bedside manner, you know? JESSICA Make sure the intercom’s not on. TED Oh, yo-- right. Beep, you're an asshole. JESSICA I’m sorry, I feel like I, um, interrupted you. TED No, no, how-how’s your first month on the ship? JESSICA You know. Um… could I ask you a question? TED Sure. Yeah. JESSICA Um, do you-- Why did Daniel leave? TED Oh, it was a family emergency. JESSICA But the- the captain told me that he got promoted. TED No, no, it was-- it was a family emergency. I mean, it’s not- it’s not that easy to get promoted. You know, you have to put in your time on a smaller ship so, like I have two more years here and I-- I’m sorry, I’m boring you right now. JESSICA No, no, you're not-- TED Would you like to, uh, sit down or just-- JESSICA Uh, sure. Thank you. TED Yeah. JESSICA TED Oh! God, sorry! Sorry about that. JESSICA Um… TED Sorry. Yeah, so I, uh, we- we have two more years here and then we get sent to a larger ship which I’m really hoping is Starship Eight because they have kids running around everywhere and I think Sunshine really needs that. JESSICA Oh, she’s-- she’s wonderful. She’s extraordinary. TED Yeah. Yeah, she’s great. She’s great, yeah. JESSICA And Misty- Misty’s-- TED She’s good. Yeah, she’s good. So. JESSICA Yeah. TED Oh, yeah, that’s-- that’s Sunshine. We- we don’t let the robots clean up in here ‘cause, you know, Misty and I grew up on Earth. We didn’t have robots to do everything for you, so I just feel like it’s important for Sunshine to learn to do things for herself, you know? JESSICA Yeah, I-I-- I’ve always wondered what it would be like on Earth. I’ve never been. TED You’ve never been to Earth? JESSICA No. TED You're kidding me? JESSICA I kid you not. TED Wow, you-you’re really missing out. JESSICA Yeah, that’s what they say. TED Yeah. So, what were you, a ship child? Did you grow up on a moon colony? JESSICA No, no, I—My parents were separated so I just, you know, went ship to ship. TED Oh. Yeah, I have-- JESSICA Oh, are you okay? TED Yeah. Sorry, its just-- It gets a little stiff sometimes. JESSICA Wow. Can I… It’s a-a Mach Two right? TED Yeah. It’s-- yeah. JESSICA Wow. TED It’s… JESSICA That’s from- from before the Quasar Revolution. That’s incredible. TED Yeah, it’s… JESSICA Oh! Uh, sorry. TED It’s okay. It’s okay. You just gotta… JESSICA It has a mind of its own. TED Yes. It’s military requisitions, so, just gotta take what they give you. You know? JESSICA You’re so brave. TED Well. JESSICA What battle was it from? No, I’m sorry, I-- I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. You don’t have to say. TED Oh, hi! MISTY Hey! TED Hi. JESSICA Oh, hi. MISTY Hey! JESSICA How are you? MISTY Great! Great! TED How are you? Where- where were you? MISTY I was just- just programming the meals. JESSICA Oh, your-your food programs, by the way, are-are great. TED Yeah, she does a great job. JESSICA Ship Three was awful. MISTY Hey, you know what? Let’s-- let’s have a drink. JESSICA Oh, god, no. Um, I have-- MISTY What do you guys-- No, no, you have to! You have to. Let’s have a drink. Please? JESSICA No. Thank you. Thank you, I’ll leave you guys to it-- TED Honey, she’s got a lot of work to do. MISTY No, no, no, no, no, don’t leave! Don’t leave! Let’s stay. No, you can’t-- just a night cap. Just a night cap? JESSICA The tanks, uh… maybe nine-thirty tomorrow. I think the captain would really like them by then, just so you know, yeah. TED Yes, sir. MISTY Okay. JESSICA Okay, bye. TED See you soon. MISTY Take care! TED How are ya? MISTY How are you? TED Where were you? DONNA What is this? Sangria? STEVE Uh-huh. DONNA It tastes off. Does the fruit taste off to you? STEVE Mm. Seems fine. DONNA Mm. Uh, uh-uh! No. You know what? Earrings. Earrings. Honey, it’s too soon. Just-- Let me get into it. Hold on. Keep going. VIDEO GAME Five hundred! Five hundred! Extra ammo bonus! One thousand! Ten thousand! Triple bonus! STEVE DONNA Oh, yeah! Yeah! DONNA DONNA Oh, yeah! Yeah! TED VIDEO GAME Game over! High score. Congratulations Lieutenant Commander Marlowe. You are a winner. OPERATOR Space Station Lorelie. JESSICA Hello. Capsule four-three-six, please. OPERATOR One moment, I’ll connect you. JESSICA Thank you. MR MARLOWE Hello. JESSICA Daddy? MR MARLOWE Sweetie! Oh, is that you? JESSICA Hi. Hi. MR MARLOWE Oh, darling, how are you? JESSICA Um, uh, actually, I’m-I’m-- I’m not feeling so good today and I just-- I really want-- MR MARLOWE Hold that thought. Hold that one second. I gotta go get the video phone. JESSICA No, I’d-- I really, I just-- I just really needed to hear your voice for a sec-- MR MARLOWE There we go. Now, can you see me? Huh? Am I good? JESSICA Go a little bit more to your left. We can just talk. I just really wanted-- MR MARLOWE How’s this? Am I good here? JESSICA Well, I-I just-- I can’t really see all of you so if you-- if you back up-- MR MARLOWE Here? Am I here? Your mother was the one who knew how to work this. Can you see me? JESSICA Well, now it’s a little bit close. Just back up a little bit. MR MARLOWE How about now? Hmm? JESSICA It’s fine. MR MARLOWE Yeah? Oh, good. Darling, how are you? JESSICA I’m great. MISTY Maybe you’re playing your music too loud. SUNSHINE MISTY And you’re not touching them? SUNSHINE MISTY One left. MEDIA LYRICS Hello, it’s me. I’ve thought about us for a long, long time. Maybe I think too much, but something’s wrong. There’s something here that doesn’t last too long. Maybe I shouldn’t think of you as mine. JESSICA Ted? TED Oh, sorry! Hey. JESSICA I’m just bringing her back. TED No, thank you. Thanks for watching her. JESSICA Oh, it was my pleasure. TED Oh, excuse us. We’re dancing now. Whoo! MEDIA LYRICS It’s important to me, that you know you are free. ‘Cause I never want to make you change for me. TED Oh! Horsie’s going for a ride. SUNSHINE TED Okay. Hon-honey, Daddy’s leg is tired, okay? SUNSHINE Okay. TED Hey, so, Je-Jessica seemed like she was in a good mood. What were you guys talking about? Hm? SUNSHINE Daddy, I wanna play the anti-gravity game. TED Okay, honey, you know what your mom says about that, alright? It’s not safe. SUNSHINE You don’t have to tell her. TED Oh, really? So we’re keeping secrets from your mom now? Is that it? Huh? Secrets from Mommy, huh? I don’t think so. Don’t th-- Sorry. SUNSHINE Ow! Daddy, your hand. TED Okay, we can play the game. Alright, but you have to promise me you're not gonna tell anybody. SUNSHINE I promise. TED Okay. I’ll go turn it down. VOICE OF SHIP Warning. Reducing gravity. TED Alright, Spaceship Sunshine on the launching pad. Are you ready? VOICE OF SHIP In five, four, three, two, one. SUNSHINE Yes, sir. TED In three, two, one! Blast off! Whoa! Look at that! That’s good. You're amazing. Whoa! JESSICA What are you doing? TED Hey, oh, this- this plant needs to be pruned in order to-- in order to grow right. JESSICA Oh. TED So, I-I was-- It’s looking good. JESSICA So, why are you growing this plant, just out of curiosity? TED Oh, it’s-- it’s a hobby. JESSICA Oh. I did a scan on it. I hope you don’t mind. Just to see what its components were. Its chemical name is “delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol”. TED I-- tha- I- it needs to be-- there’s medicine-- its medicinal purposes. JESSICA And, because it’s in a flowering stage, I think that you’ll find it would grow a lot better if you reduce the humidity by watering it only once a day with the lights on for only half the day. VOICE OF SHIP Engine powering up. Engine powering down. VOICE OF SHIP Engine-- Engine powering down. Engine powering up. VOICE OF SHIP Engine powering down. GLENN Entire ship doesn’t even get that-- Wha-what does human do-- meant for it. And no one-- But that’s what makes it so wonderful. Turn around! It’s not even that big of a deal. It shouldn’t even be. Let’s not even try for it. TED Consider it part of the scientific observational process. TED No, no it… It’s important for you to understand its effects on humans. JESSICA You’re bad. TED Just inhale it. There you go. Yeah. TED Come on! JESSICA Oh. TED Come on. Come on. JESSICA Oh. TED Good day. JESSICA Good day, sir. TED Yes. JESSICA What’d I forget? Oh, my folders. My folders. My fold-- What do you got there? SUNSHINE Nothing. JESSICA Show me what’s in your hand. Sunshine, what are you doing? SUNSHINE It’s the last one. I’m setting it free. JESSICA Sunshine. SUNSHINE It can live here. JESSICA No, it-it can’t live here because it needs its mother. SUNSHINE No, she’ll eat it. She ate the others. And if I leave it there, she’ll eat it. JESSICA It can’t live without its mom. It can’t live on its own. SUNSHINE Then why does she kill it? JESSICA Sometimes mommy gerbils, they worry so much about their babies that… they would kill it before they would see anything bad happen to it. SUNSHINE Well, then you’ll be his mommy. Please? JESSICA Okay. Gently. SUNSHINE It’ll grow up in here. And when it’s big enough we can put it back with its mommy. And she’ll be so happy. MISTY Well, she ate the whole thing this time. SUNSHINE No, Jessica’s taking care of it. MISTY It seems like Jessica’s really reaching out to you. SUNSHINE I guess you could say that. MISTY Hmm. Do you like her? SUNSHINE She’s okay. How about you? MISTY Not really. No, I just think she seems, um, really manipulative. Do you know what that means? SUNSHINE No. MISTY It means she’s a bad person. I feel like she’s just a little bit jealous of me because I have you. Do you pick up on that? SUNSHINE I guess so. I know you don’t like her ‘cause she’s jealous, but I do like her ‘cause she’s really nice to me. MISTY No, she’s not nice to you. What has she done that’s nice? SUNSHINE I’ve never had any friends before. MISTY That’s not true. I’m… I’m your best friend. SUNSHINE I know, but besides you and Dad and the captain. MISTY Oh, okay. Hey. Come here, sweetie pie. Don’t you think it’s a little sad, really, that a woman as old as she is, is- is trying to be your friend? It’s… creepy almost. SUNSHINE Why would you think that? MISTY Well, it’s just I think she seems like a lonely, jealous, and manipulative person. You know, I walked into the bridge the other night and God, you wouldn’t believe what she was doing. SUNSHINE What did she do? MISTY Well, um… she stole some food. Yeah, I think she’s got some real issues with food and um, gosh, I wasn’t gonna say anything, but actually, it was your special sundae. Yeah, I mean, she didn’t even care that it was your special dessert. She just went ahead and- and ate it anyway. SUNSHINE It’s just a sundae. MISTY Whose side are you on? Hm? STEVE He is relentless! DONNA Jealous? STEVE You bet. DONNA Some wine? STEVE No thanks. DONNA Mm. STEVE Good news. DONNA We are leaving in two weeks for Starship Eight! DONNA That’s right. He’s going to be overseeing all of the docking bays. SUSAN Oh, no, you lucky devil. TED That’s great! Steve, that’s great. STEVE Thanks, Ted. DONNA It is an incredible ship. Real exclusive, if you know what I mean. The best part is, it’s not a military ship so it’s only available to people who can afford it, right? And they have a mall, a goddamn mall! Can you believe that? DONNA Four stories of consumer goods. I’m so excited. Lingerie, shoes, bags, leather goods, dresses… MISTY I’m just going through a lot of fucked-up stuff right now and having a hard time applying everything we’ve talked about. My husband just keeps coming at me with his need, need, need. And I hate the whole fucking vibe on this ship, and it’s pissing me off! DR BOT I’m going to up your dosage of Valium to as much as you’d like. MISTY Yeah. That’ll be good. DR BOT You have one child. How is your one child? MISTY You know, I just can’t be everything to everyone all the time. DR. BOT You can’t be everything to everyone until you are something to yourself. Do you, Misty, feel like you are something to yourself? MISTY I don’t know. I- I’ve just been really trying to get to know Misty. DR BOT What makes Misty happy? MISTY What makes me happy? DR. BOT What makes Misty okay? MISTY Dr. Bot. Dr. Bot makes me okay. DR BOT Uh, warning. Dr. Bot must remind Misty not to become too close to her therapist bot. MISTY I’ve gotta be close to somebody. I think that-- no-- but okay, you don’t have to be so cold. I-- DR BOT We must keep this professional. I must maintain objectivity. MISTY I know, but I feel like-- I just feel like you and I have really been going through it here, you know? And I-I-I-- I just feel like I have really been connecting with you. You-you-- you know me. DR BOT Emotion overload. MISTY I tell you-- I I just--Stop it! MISTY Anyway, um… as I was saying, I… I really care about you, and I know you care about me. TED Hey. GLENN Clearly, you didn’t hear me, Disco Dan. TED What’s up? GLENN Oh, this is how we’re doing things now, we’re leaving the compression valve open while we weld? TED No. No. GLENN No, ‘cause if it is, that’s fine. I just need to know, okay? TED You got it. GLENN Just want to make sure that I’m clear with everything. I need you to check humidity levels. It’s feelin’ a little humid to me, on the bridge. TED Okay, well, let me just quickly finish up with these tanks and I’ll get to those levels for you. GLENN I don’t think I need to remind you what happens when moisture gets into the current conductor. TED I have a hundred and twenty tanks left to seal before we enter zone alpha. As it is, I’m gonna have to work through the night. Now you wrote me up, and now you want me to go do maintenance work and w- w- which-- what do you want me to do? GLENN I just think that you should be able to prioritize within your own job. That’s what I’m looking for, Ted. Good critical thinking skills. That’s what impresses me! TED Yeah. Yeah, so I guess it was, uh, it was Daniel’s genius critical thinking skills that got him promoted… GLENN Daniel? Now what does Daniel have to do with— TED …in one tenth the time that I’ve been working here. Please excuse me, sir, if I have to say that I don’t appreciate the fact-- I had to hear from Jessica-- GLENN What? What did-- what did-- what did Jessica say? TED That Daniel’s been promoted. When you told me it was a family emergency-- wha-- I need you to understand that I have a family and I’ve been working my ass off down here, okay? GLENN Ted, will you just listen to me? Daniel’s mother has got lupus! Lupus. And that’s-- that’s why he had to go. Because of th-the lupus. This is-- this is what I’m talking about! This is why I’m not admiral yet! How am I supposed to soar with the eagles when I’m down here talking to turkeys! JESSICA Hello! CHUCK Miss Marlowe, I’m guessing. JESSICA Yes, thank god. I thought it was going to be late. It’s a Christmas surprise. CHUCK Terrific. JESSICA Oh, thank you! CHUCK Uh-huh. DONNA We were told you’d have a larger ship. I can’t fit all of my belongings-- CHUCK We’re gonna get all your-- No, we’re gonna get your stuff there before you arrive, don’t you worry. DONNA Oh, Captain! GLENN Yes. DONNA May I have a word with you? Hold on. Uh, Steve’s mother is in the hibernation chamber. GLENN No kidding. DONNA She wanted her body in suspended animation until we reached Orion and she could get that nasty tumor removed. GLENN Mm-hm, yes. DONNA Great. So, um, do I have to wake her before we move her to the new ship? I mean, given that she’s in hibernation, do I really have to ask her permission? It’s just, I’d hate to bother her. Plus she’s- she is so slow-moving and it would just be so much less of a headache if we could just ship her in her storage unit with the rest of our stuff. GLENN Uh, no problem. DONNA Oh, fantastic. CHUCK You know, if it helps, my grandmother was in hibernation for five years. DONNA It doesn’t. JESSICA I realize that I should’ve checked with you first. MISTY Yeah. JESSICA Um, if it’s a matter of care, I’d be happy to-- MISTY I’m allergic. JESSICA Oh. MISTY So… JESSICA I just thought because of the gerbils, you know, that-- MISTY Gerbils don’t jump up on your lap or leave hair all over the place. JESSICA Right. Could we not mention this to Sunshine? Just keep it between us? MISTY Sure. TED Hey. What are you watching? SUNSHINE Home movies. TED Yeah. DONNA Well, I don’t care. I’m offended. STEVE They’re already having a Christmas party, otherwise they’d have one for us. This one? DONNA Fragile. You know, it just pisses me off. When Charlotte and Stan left the ship, I threw them a huge going away party, right? Birthdays, anniversaries, I‘m always the one putting the whole goddamn thing together. Well, you know what? I am done. Forget it. On the new ship, I am not lifting a finger for anyone. STEVE Good. You shouldn’t have to. DONNA Thank you so much for helping me with this. I really, really appreciate it. You can’t imagine the pod this guy brings, right? I had to cram everything in. Yeah, and then there’s no straps or protections for the breakables—Oh, no! No, no, hold on a second. Take this instead. JESSICA Thank you. DONNA His mother. JESSICA She looks nice. DONNA Hm. When she’s asleep. Steve! STEVE What? DONNA Honey, there’s no room. We can’t fit her. STEVE We’ll make room. DONNA There’s no room, honey. She’s gonna have to come later with your sports equipment. STEVE Darn! DONNA Would you mind terribly taking care of all that? JESSICA Of, um, um, yeah, sure. I mean, that would be my pleasure. DONNA Mm. No rush. MISTY Okay, now what can I get you for dessert? SUNSHINE Sundae! MISTY Sundae! Okay. VOICE OF SHIP Activating food service. You have chosen take out. Sundae. MISTY Somebody ate them all again. How about I get you some rice pudding? Oh, let me check the freezer unit, maybe there’s an extra one hiding in here. Okay, let’s see. SUNSHINE What’s that? MISTY Hm? Oh, darn. I was hiding it from you.Okay. Promise you won’t tell anyone. I got this for you, for Christmas. But Jessica says she’s allergic, and can’t have puppies running all over the ship. JESSICA Excuse me, sir. JESSICA I was hoping that we could discuss Daniel’s charts. GLENN You gotta help me out here. I don’t know how they, uh, talk to their superiors on Space Station Lorelei-- JESSICA Space Station Lorelei, sir, is an impeccable place. We were competent, we were efficient-- GLENN Yeah, okay, yeah, I-I know. I-I’ve read all the records. It’s- it’s not the point. JESSICA Well, then you know that I am more than qualified for this job. JESSICA I-I’m simply saying that if we have these graphs in front of us, we might as well use them. I-I mean, I-I-- I don’t understand. To ignore them is-- Sir, Daniel clearly spent a-a better part of his tenure here working on these. Sir, did you not respect Daniel? Did you not like him? Sir, why did Daniel leave? GLENN What did I tell you? JESSICA You-- well, you said that he was promoted. GLENN Yea-- exactly. Exactly! He was promoted. Alright, you know what? I want to settle this once and for all ‘cause there seems to be a little confusion about this whole Daniel thing. JESSICA That’s really not necessary. You don’t-- GLENN Attention all crew members. Hear ye, hear ye regarding Daniel’s departure, which there seems to be a lot of confusion about. I want to tell you this once and for all, Daniel was promoted. Okay? Yeah, and also, I-I am given to believe there was some sort of family emergency as well. So there you have it in black and white. Case closed. VOICE OF SHIP Warning, airborne chemical detected in tank storage three. Now ventilating. JESSICA Hey, Sunshine. What are you up to? SUNSHINE Um, just talking to my mom about different things. It’s-- it’s not about you. It’s about someone else. JESSICA I have a little bit of free time if you want to go the arboretum with me. SUNSHINE Um, no thanks. JESSICA We could look at the bonsai tree like you like to do. You don’t want to go? Well, is it um, just that you don’t want to go or you don’t want to go with me? SUNSHINE It’s just ‘cause I don’t want to go for some reason. I don’t know why, but I-I just don’t really want to. JESSICA Okay. I understand. SUNSHINE Oh, listen, it was really cool talking to you. VOICE OF SHIP Attention crew, don’t forget to vote for the new cafeteria wallpaper. Decision will be final at twelve hundred hours. GLENN Wha-- MISTY We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christ-- GLENN Very- that’s very- that’s very good. I’m a little busy right now. MISTY Please don’t inhibit her creativity. SUNSHINE We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Merry Christmas! MISTY Okay. Come on. GLENN Hologram chamber on. DANIEL Hold on one second. Let me come out. Sorry. I’ve a-- Glenn? GLENN Daniel. Uh… This is a bad time, I’ve-- You know, I could hologram later. I’m sorry. DANIEL What is it, Glenn? GLENN Um, you look good. How are you? DANIEL I’m great. GLENN You look great. So, yo- you’re on the Nostradamus now. DANIEL Yep. You found me. GLENN Uh, I guess you got that promotion. DANIEL Yes. Incredibly. Considering what happened. GLENN Right. Anyway… um… DANIEL Also serving under Lawrence Wilson. Fantastic leader. Total role model. GLENN Uh, um, wait. Larry Wilson is the captain of the Nostradamus? You gotta be kidding me. DANIEL Well, he’s actually an admiral now and I believe he prefers “Lawrence”. GLENN Yeah. Well, I mean, I-- you know, I’d-I’d-- I’ve known him for years as Larry so I know that one very well. Not like that. I don’t know him that well. DANIEL Oh my god, it-it’s okay to know a man well, Glenn. GLENN I-- Reason for calling, um, besides saying “hi”, I-I-I just want to know if you happened to get this notice. What was it? Yeah, “you are required, uh, to report to twenty hours of therapy.” I mean, over your little AWOL episode. Did you happen to get this too? This one? DANIEL My little episode? My little episode, Glenn?! GLENN Well, Daniel, you are the one that left. DANIEL I left because you had to be stinking drunk to make love to me, and then you sobbed in your pillow afterwards. GLENN I want to remind you that you have to be very careful about the way you talk about these things, um, especially in therapy because that-- It’s very delicate-- DANIEL Aye aye, Sir. GLENN And careers can be affected. Just… DANIEL I’ll tell you later. GLENN What? Is someone with you? DANIEL Like-- n-no-- no, no, I need to go. GLENN Was he there the whole time? DANIEL You don’t have to worry about the whole-- GLENN Who?! What? Who was it? Who was it? Was it Larry? DANIEL Bye, Glenn. HOLOGRAM VOICE End of tape. DANIEL End of what? GLENN Nothing. DANIEL Were you recording this? GLENN Nothing. DANIEL You sad, pathetic-- TED Hey. JESSICA Hi. TED I got your message. What- what… JESSICA I, um, I really need-- Ow! TED Oh, god. Are- are you okay? Here- here, sit down. Sit down. TED Okay. TED Okay. JESSICA Sorry it’s so late. TED No. JESSICA I just, um… I needed to talk to someone. TED Yeah. JESSICA Do you ever… do you ever feel like you’re just floating around in space and there’s no one there? I mean, no one there to check you or… I don’t know, I mean, there’s no family or friends or… I don’t know. Do you ever feel crazy? DANIEL Glenn? GLENN Daniel. Sorry. DANIEL Like-- n-no-- no, no, I need to go. Like, you don’t have to worry about the whole-- GLENN Was he there the whole time? GLENN Well, Daniel, you are the one that left. DANIEL I left because you had to be stinking drunk to make love to me, and then you sobbed in your pillow af-- DANIEL To make love to me, and then you-- DANIEL To make love to me-- JESSICA I feel like we have so much in common. TED I do too. JESSICA I mean, we’re both these fractured people. You lost your hand in battle and I-- I am-- I have-- TED I-I-- Yeah, um… I-I didn’t… I didn’t lose my hand in battle. I… I shot it off while cleaning a laser refractor piston my first week of service. So… JESSICA I don’t care. I understand. I… JESSICA Ow. TED Sorry. Okay, let me-- JESSICA Ow. Ted-- TED No, I have to-- JESSICA Ow. That hurts. TED It’s okay. Stay still. JESSICA Ow, ow, Ted! Make-- Ow! TED I’m sorry! Ge-- JESSICA Make it stop. TED Oh, god. JESSICA Get it off! Ow! Get it off! TED No, if I get it-- it’s gotta-- JESSICA Ow! TED You have to-- JESSICA Ow, ow, ow, ow! TED Stop. Darn it! Oh. You had to-- yeah, do it like this. Oh, god. I-I- I’m-- I am-- okay. It’s my-my hand just, uh-- you know… JESSICA Okay, well, I mean… It was my fault. TED No, no, it wasn’t. It was my ha-- it was my hand. Yours… Just got a little… JESSICA No, no. I turned it on. I think I should go now. TED What? No, we-- can we… DANIEL I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glen. DANIEL I need you to make love to me, Glenn. GLENN I will. DANIEL I need you to make love to me, Glenn. GLENN I will. DANIEL I need you to make love to me, Glenn. GLENN I will. DANIEL I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. GLENN I will. DANIEL I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. DR BOT Hello, I am Dr. Bot. GLENN Hello. DR BOT Searching voice database records. GLENN Hello. DR BOT Welcome Lieutenant Glenn Terry. GLENN Actually it’s “Captain” now. DR BOT Updating file. DR BOT Welcome, Captain Glenn Terry. Shall we take a voyage of discovery together? GLENN Why not? DR BOT What problems inside of Captain Glenn would Captain Glenn like to work on? GLENN Just for the record, I-I have no problems inside of me at all. And this is new for me. This was not-- DR BOT Being open to change is the first step on the road to mental health. GLENN I just need you people to know that I’m not being hesitant. DR BOT Hesitation often leads to revelation. GLENN Duly noted. DR BOT I have noted it as well. GLENN That would be the “duly” part. That’s uh, the two of us. DR BOT Correct. What are you thinking in the midst of this silence? GLENN Actually, I was thinking about smoking. DR BOT Cigarettes contain carcinogens which may cause cancer in carbon-based life forms. GLENN Right. DR BOT You are a carbon-based life form, therefore cigarettes may cause cancer inside you. GLENN Thank you. DR BOT You’re welcome. GLENN Can I smoke? May- may I smoke here? Please? DR BOT Perhaps you would like to try Valium? GLENN Smoking is kind of my Valium, so honest— DR BOT They are two entirely different drugs. Nicotine is a stimulant. Valium is a sedative. GLENN Is it? DR BOT Yes, it is. GLENN I was not aware of that. DR BOT Captain Glenn, how have things been on the ship for you? GLENN Status quo. Uh. We’re having a uh, Christmas party for the people on the ship. DR BOT Dr. Bot politely declines your invitation. GLENN It’s humans only, so that’s really a non-issue. Okay? Anyway… I’m supposed to be pretending that these people are my friends when… DR BOT You have to be a friend to have a friend. GLENN They are not my friends. They are my colleagues. DR BOT A friend in need is a friend indeed. GLENN Friend. DR BOT Make new friends. Keep the old, for one is silver while the other one is gold. GLENN Gold. DR BOT Remember the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. GLENN Silver. DR BOT Every cloud has a silver lining. GLENN Cigarette. DR BOT Cigarettes contain carcinogens which may cause cancer in carbon-based life forms. You are a carbon-based life form, therefore cigarettes may cause cancer inside you. DONNA You're gonna make us late for the party. Where were you? STEVE I was just finishing up some business. You ready? DONNA Yes. VOICE OF SHIP Autopilot activated. STEVE Hey, there he is. SUSAN Donna! DONNA Hi, Susan. Oh. I thought you’d left. CHUCK Can’t pass up a Christmas party. DONNA Uh-huh. Well, enjoy. TED Hey. JESSICA Hi. How are you? TED Good. How you doing? Could I get you something, um… JESSICA Oh, um, I-- TED Oh. JESSICA Um… JESSICA I will have another. TED All right. JESSICA Thank you. DONNA Hm. There’s no cake. STEVE There’s a cake. DONNA Yeah, it is a Christmas cake. STEVE Have a drink, Donna. JESSICA You know, my mom-- TED My best-- wha-wha-- I’m sorry. What were you saying? JESSICA My mom always had-- MISTY This is really boring. Let’s play a game. TED I thought we left Sunshine back in the capsule. MISTY Let’s play a game. Come on. GLENN What-- what kind of game do you want to play? MISTY Um, okay, everybody goes around and tells a secret. JESSICA Oh, I-I-I don’t like secret games. TED Yeah, I don’t know about that. GLENN Yeah, I-I don’t really have any secrets. MISTY Oh, I-I have a secret. TED Okay, I-I’m gonna get a beer really quick. JESSICA Would you, um, can- can you get me one too, please? TED Yeah. MISTY Oh, I-I want him to hear my secret. GLENN Okay. Ted, come back here please. We’d like to get this over with. STEVE We’re going. DONNA Oh, no, honey, come on. I wanna play. I love games, but maybe charades. You know, something we can all play together. STEVE I’m leaving. DONNA Honey, you're being silly. STEVE You coming? MISTY What’s wrong, Steve? It’s just a game. Okay. Okay. My secret is, I have never had an orgasm. JESSICA That’s not, um… I don’t think that-- GLENN Well, yeah, that really is probably more his secret. TED That’s good. No, that’s a good one. That’s-- Yeah. JESSICA You know what, we-we shouldn’t-- TED No, no, it’s okay. It’s okay. Good game, Misty. Yeah, you got-- you got everybody gathered around in here. Come on. Anything else you want to say to me? Look at me! Look at me, please! You got something you want to say to me, you say it ‘cause I am ready to hear it! MISTY Whoa! Whoa! Whoa. Whoa. GLENN Ted, settle down. JESSICA It’s okay. MISTY She has a secret too. TED Don’t. JESSICA Misty. MISTY Why don’t you tell everyone your secret? JESSICA Look, let-let’s not-- please, let-let’s not play this game anymore ‘cause it’s really not funny any-- MISTY I know why you want to stop this game. JESSICA You know why? Because I don’t like you. That’s my secret. MISTY That’s not a secret. I don’t like you, either. TED Shut up, Misty. Okay? JESSICA Ted, it’s okay. GLENN Uh, now, Ted, now honestly, that is no way to talk to a lady. JESSICA Listen-- TED Yeah, you would know. GLENN Uh, yes, I would. TED You would know? Yeah. JESSICA Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted. MISTY Does anybody ever wonder why she always has to act like a man? JESSICA Okay, stop! Let’s stop now-- MISTY Okay, why she’s always up on the bridge, acting like a man. JESSICA Stop it! GLENN I-I would like to know that. JESSICA Okay, Misty, drop this right now because it’s really not funny. MISTY Hm? Maybe it’s because she’s not a real woman. JESSICA Misty. MISTY Uh-oh! Maybe she’s not a real woman because she can’t have- JESSICA Stop it! Stop it! GLENN Whoa! Whoa! JESSICA Enough! GLENN Okay, just back off! Back off. You don’t need to scream at her. JESSICA Sir, this is none of your business. GLENN Oh, it’s none of my business? It’s none of my busine-- I’m just the captain of the ship. It’s none of my business. Well, that’s perfect! JESSICA I understand-- GLENN I don’t care if it’s the main room, main bridge, rec room, play room, toilet room, it’s my business! I don’t care if it’s irrigation duct level number fucking seven! It’s my fucking business! Your attitude since you’ve shown up here has been to tell me what to do and how to do it with a chip on your shoulder! Why can’t you just be a woman? JESSICA Why can’t you just be a man? GLENN What does that mean? JESSICA Excuse me, forgive me, sir, but you- you are the last person that I would think would be demanding that we should stick to conventions, sir. GLENN I have no idea what you’re talking about. JESSICA Yo-- Sir, you're gay! You are a gay man and- and we all know it! DONNA He’s what? JESSICA Sir, you’re gay! You are a gay man and- and we all know it! GLENN Now, how could yo-- how-- you can’t know something, uh… You can’t-- li- like that. Th- that’s-- Something like that is not-- it’s not true. Da- Daniel and I were never-- We are not together. We weren’t to- together. There’s… Ask him! He will tell you! I promise. MISTY I only stay with you because of Sunshine. Do you know that? TED Yeah. I know that. VOICE OF SHIP Alert. Alert. Alert. DANIEL I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make love to me, Glenn. I need you to make-- VOICE OF SHIP Tape erased. MISTY Hello? Sunshine? VOICE OF SHIP Warning. Reducing gravity in five, four, three, two, one.