ALL AMY ANGIE BOTH DOUGLAS EMMA GRAHAM JACK KIDS MIGGY MISS_ADAMS OWEN POPPY RORY SONG SOPHIE WILL POPPY Okay, here's the grid for the week. Thursday, Rory's performing at an old folk's home. They don't ask; but he keeps going. Can anyone pick up? ANGIE Yeah. I'll get him after Graham's allergy appointment. Did you know you could be allergic to birds? Like, all of them? MIGGY So, I really wanted to get a smoothie sometime after 400, if anyone can hold Jack then? Yeah, I might not understand the grid. ANGIE Hmm. POPPY Douglas, you have the kids for Saturday night's sleepover. And no wriggling out of it; we're sick of your stupid work excuses. DOUGLAS I'm a doctor. If I don't pick up my phone, people die. ANGIE You're a dermatologist. You don't pick up your phone, people go to the store and buy a cream. POPPY Look, Saturday night's sleepover's a lot, but you can hack it. DOUGLAS I spend every Saturday night the same way. I have two glasses of scotch and I sit in my sauna till I'm lightheaded enough to pass out. Now, if you want five kids to watch me do that, then they can politely put themselves to bed, be my guest. ANGIE Yeah, thank you. POPPY Great. MIGGY Okay. WILL What's up, grid squad? See I'm on the board for Tuesday. I will not let you down. ANGIE Relax; it's a babysitting grid. Not Band of Brothers. WILL Okay, sure. But can I just say, how much fun I've had with all of you since I got on this thing? So many great one-on-one hangs, I mean, Miggy, epic game of basketball with my laundry hamper. MIGGY Yeah, I broke your hamper like Shaq. WILL So worth it. Poppy here's teaching me about sex crystals. I will say I have one on my body right now, won't say where, 'cause it's incredibly uncomfortable. POPPY That means it's working. WILL But Douglas, you and I have yet to have our one-on-one hang time. DOUGLAS Yeah, well, see, the grid isn't about friendship. It's business. WILL It's a little bit about friendship. MIGGY Dude, Douglas doesn't want friends. I mean, look at him. He's old as hell. POPPY Mm-hmm. DOUGLAS Why do I know you? WILL All right, how about this? You and I go find a steakhouse right now, share our first prime rib, rare. No sides. DOUGLAS Look at me, Lance. WILL It's Will. DOUGLAS It's 830 in the morning, all right? I'm not sharing a steak with you. WILL Yeah, you're right. Silly idea. But, what if it were bagels? Nothing like a good pumpernickel. Yeah, no, you're right; it's a bad idea. Forget about it. WILL Okay, we are almost packed for the sleepover. I've got your sleeping bag, pj's and some conversation starters in case there's a lull. SOPHIE Pixar, ice cream toppings, Anne Hathaway is it time for a comeback? Dad, I don't need these. I'm hanging with my friends. WILL You're right. Soph, I'm so proud of you. Couple weeks in, you've already found your crew. SOPHIE You okay without me tonight? WILL Are you kidding? I got a ton of irons in the fire. Bowling alley, bars, horse track. SOPHIE You're just naming places. WILL Correct. I don't know. I was kind of itching for a guy's night. I haven't had one in such a long time. SOPHIE Douglas'll come around. WILL Right? I mean, we're dudes with daughters, we should be friends. I just can't find my way in there, he's like this seven-foot tall emotional fortress with no handholds or footholds for me to climb. Just got to wait for my window to open and. Hold. The flippin'. Phone. SOPHIE Oh, no, what's happening? WILL The sleepover is my window. SOPHIE Dad, why are you talking like that? WILL Think about it, Soph. He's alone, he's confined, he needs help with the kids. Look at us putting our heads together. SOPHIE I don't want my name on this. POPPY I can't believe I have to work on a sleepover night. I swear, running your own business is like having another child. ANGIE Yeah, well, at least your wine bar doesn't sit on the toilet while you take a shower. POPPY Well, I hope one of us is getting some tonight. You still seeing that guy from work? ANGIE Uh, Owen? Yeah. He's great. We work really well together. OWEN Oh, don't forget. We're singing happy birthday to Adam in, like, 10 minutes. ANGIE Oh, I didn't sign the card. OWEN I signed it for you. ANGIE Aww. ANGIE Too bad I can't go anywhere because our dates only ever last 90 minutes in then Graham calls all homesick needing me to pick him up. That's just enough time for sex on the couch and one episode of that true crime doc, Slick Patio. POPPY Oh, my God, I'm only three episodes in, but I'm telling you that slow son did it. ANGIE No kidding. POPPY Wait, only sex on the couch? ANGIE Yeah. We've never made it to the bed. POPPY But the bed is where it all happens. The kissing, the cuddling, the explaining your weird scars. ANGIE Yeah, well, I would be doing all that if my kid were sleepover ready. POPPY So, this is all about Graham? ANGIE Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. MIGGY Oh Oh, hey, Angie. Yo, Poppy, I need to borrow your blender. Gonna puree this boy some bananas. Oh, that reminds me, I also need bananas. Oh, and, I'm sorry, um, but I'm going to be late again with rent this month. But, I'll get you back soon. I promise. ANGIE Poppy. Has he ever paid rent? POPPY I mean, he'll pay eventually. It's Miggy, you know? He's a work in progress. Remember how we found him? MIGGY Pull-ups? Pre-fold? Pockets? Cloth? What are you? ANGIE He ended up buying pull-ups for himself that day. POPPY Yeah, and he's taking care of the baby so Jack's mom can go to college, so I want to help him. And he's doing great; he made a list of potential careers. ANGIE Hmm. Sounds promising. Have you seen it? POPPY He's got it all under control. MIGGY Oh, dang. JACK MIGGY Oh, I know. I know. I got it, though, I got it. ANGIE I'd ask to see that list. POPPY Yeah. GRAHAM Um, this is what we're doing tonight? EMMA Dad says the trick is making the pieces small enough, Daddy can't get in trouble. DOUGLAS Hey, that jet ski was a business expense. My conscience is clean. RORY Your attention, please. This evening, I brought six costume changes to be unveiled every hour on the hour. I hope you all enjoy the journey. DOUGLAS Anything that says "Vegas" goes in there. Oh, good. Another child. WILL How's it going, man? DOUGLAS Oh, fine. Besides a couple kids who are too good for document shredding. Okay, hurry up, we're doing my credit cards next. WILL Well, seems like you've got it all under control. For now. But in an hour, storm's a-coming. Anyway, good luck. DOUGLAS Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What do you mean, "storm"? WILL You know, the sleepover storm. Kids stoned on sugar, one of them pees in your cacti. Melted chocolate in places you least expect it. DOUGLAS Hmm. I suppose it's illegal to drug them. WILL You got this, man. DOUGLAS WILL Unless you want me to jump in? DOUGLAS Yes. I mean, can you? Are you available? Do you, uh, take checks? WILL Let's see. I was gonna do. Yes, I'm clear. DOUGLAS Okay, good. I'm gonna go tie one on. All right, make sure they finish the shredding. WILL The window is opening and I'm climbing in. SOPHIE Dad, don't dance. Don't dance. Don't. No. WILL All right, circle up, dudes. Important sleepover business. Miss this, you'll be behind all night. EMMA If he's got a guitar, I'm out of here. WILL Joke's on you, guitar's in the car. But I don't want to hang out with you at all. Because I'm gonna be chilling with my boy Douglas. SOPHIE Dad, Dad. He just wants you to watch us for him. He doesn't want to hang. WILL Yeah, but he will once I get us on the friendship train, okay? So you guys just hold down the fort and, I don't know, be cool. Anyway, you don't need constant supervision- I'm sorry, what is that? AMY Emma and I are Shawshanking our way to the neighbors. WILL I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that. Have fun. Looking good! SOPHIE Whoa, what's in that thing? GRAHAM Just a photo of my mom. Her scarf- Her lotion, her gym shirt, and this. It projects stars onto the ceiling to help me sleep. Not that I ever sleep at these things. I always get scared and call my mom. Like a real loser. SOPHIE Look at me. I say, you can do this. MIGGY Ahh. POPPY So, Miggy. How's that job list coming? Maybe we could go over it. MIGGY Oh, yeah, sure. I always have it on me. It's, uh. Real talk? It's been hard to find a job where I can get paid and have child care. But I think I got some prospects. See, I found that abbreviated jobs make a lot of money. So maybe, like, CEO, CFO, UTI. POPPY Those are just titles and a bladder infection. Uh-huh. Inventor. Applesauce hype man. MIGGY Yeah. POPPY Patty Jenkins? How is Patty Jenkins a job? MIGGY I don't know, but I love Wonder Woman. POPPY Oh, my god the armor was everything. MIGGY God, Themyscira. POPPY And those boots? MIGGY Amazonians? But you said to focus on what I love. That's what you did, right? And now you've got this place. POPPY Yeah. I did say that. But let's try focusing on options that are more achievable. MIGGY Great, you got it. Starting fresh. Yeah. POPPY Right. Do not right down "millionaire." Mm-hmm. MIGGY Okay. POPPY Yeah. WILL There's my guy. Good news, the kids are out of our hair, we're set for the night. DOUGLAS Really? You made it sound like such a gigantic ordeal. WILL Where there's a Will, there's a way. My name's Will. DOUGLAS Yeah. WILL Pretty solid citrus collection you got there. Look at this. Blended man. Kind of a single malt guy myself. DOUGLAS Oh. Kind of imagined you drinking Shirley Temples. WILL Hey, I'm just glad you imagine me. DOUGLAS Yeah, well, all right. I think it's about that time. WILL Flip through car magazines? DOUGLAS No, for my sauna. WILL Or that, too. DOUGLAS You're right behind me, aren't you? WILL I've never shied away from a sauna. ANGIE Dude, no patio is that slick. The gardener pushed her. OWEN If a man is living in a shack behind your house, he's gonna kill you. ANGIE Uh, yeah. I'm surprised she lasted as long as she did. Oh. It's Graham. Sophie? What's going on? SOPHIE Graham has an announcement to make. And I fully endorse it. Here is your son. GRAHAM Hello, Mother. I want you to know I'm spending the night tonight. I will not need you to pick me up. ANGIE Uh, honey, are you sure? GRAHAM Yes. Just know that I love you. No matter what happens. I love you. OWEN Wait, does this mean we're finally spending the night together? ANGIE I guess, yeah, it does. Oh. OWEN Come on, let's get you into pj's. ANGIE Okay. OWEN Ooh, you want my Syracuse t-shirt? Super comfy. Oh, also, uh, I fall asleep to Frasier. Do you like Frasier? There's so much I don't know about you. I have so many questions. ANGIE Poppy, great news. Graham decided to sleepover, so that means that I get to sleep over, too. At Owen's. Fun, huh? POPPY Yeah. So, why are you here? ANGIE I left him in bed and drove away like a crazy person. You're friends with a crazy person. POPPY Yeah. Glass of wine. WILL Lord have mercy. You have a sauna in your house. And you only have one robe? Really tells a story. DOUGLAS Yep. WILL Such a shame. It is hot. Hot room. So where're you from? DOUGLAS Buffalo. WILL Any siblings? DOUGLAS Two sisters. One's a looker, other's a miss. WILL I would love to meet them. DOUGLAS Both dead. WILL Whoa. Okay. Uh, favorite movie? Wow. Okay. This, this is fun. I think I will take the sweatshirt off. DOUGLAS No, keep it on. WILL Okay, Doug, I'm just gonna say it. Feels like you're trying to steam me out. Why are you so deadset against being my friend? DOUGLAS Because we have nothing in common. WILL Wh. DOUGLAS All I wanted was a Saturday night by myself. WILL Well, a thousand pardons. You don't want to hang out with me, that's fine. That's your loss. You act like you don't need anybody, but I know that's not true. You're lonely, Doug. And it's your own fault; you push people away. You put up walls. DOUGLAS And yet, somehow, you're still here. You know what? I never should have taken your help. Hosting this sleepover is a one man job. WILL I couldn't agree more! And I believe you have two robes! GRAHAM Oh, no. My turtle. I-It's destroyed! RORY So there's been a murder. But by whom? EMMA We did it. RORY But we'll never know when. AMY Ten minutes ago. RORY Okay, I give up. GRAHAM I-I need my turtle, I-I can't do this without stars. I'm calling my mom. SOPHIE You don't need your mom. GRAHAM AMY We can make it up to you. Emma and I can get you stars. WILL ? You've got, to learn ? ? You cry, you learn ? ? You lah-ooh ? ? You learn ? ? You bleed, you learn ? WILL What the hell? Where are you going? DOUGLAS To get a drink. I thought you were watching the kids. WILL I thought you were watching the kids. DOUGLAS Oh, this is a disaster, I'm going back. WILL I'm going back. DOUGLAS You've got to be kidding me. WILL I signaled with my blinker! DOUGLAS I want your insurance information. WILL You can get it from my attorney. DOUGLAS You don't have an attorney. WILL I'll find one! WILL You totally hit me! DOUGLAS Oh, who taught you how to drive anyway? WILL Mr. Murray, my high school band teacher. Who I'm still in touch with. DOUGLAS Oh, my God. WILL They're gone. ANGIE Look at me. I finally have a chance- there you go- to spend the night with Owen. And here I am, drinking with you. POPPY Ang. Do you know why I had a bottle of white Zin on ice tonight? ANGIE Mm. 'Cause it's the freaking best. POPPY It's literally the worst wine in the world and you have the palate of a basic bitch and we'll get to that later, but no. It's because this is what you do. Every time you get close to a guy, you wind up back in this seat making excuses. ANGIE Wait, really? POPPY Yes. I don't even carry white Zin. Every time you do this, I have to go pick it up from a gas station. ANGIE Oh, my God. I'm so screwed up. POPPY You're not screwed up; you're just scared. Look, what happened with Graham's dad, I know, it was years ago, but he left and that had to have hurt. ANGIE Whatever, he's a jerk. POPPY Yeah. But at some point, you must have cared about him. ANGIE Yeah, I don't know. For some reason, I loved him. POPPY Been there. We've all been with people who sucked. ANGIE But what if I just don't know how to pick people? What if my radar's off and there's all these red flags that everyone else sees and I just miss? POPPY Well, there's no guarantees. Owen could suck, too, but you'll never know if you don't give him more than 90 minutes. I think you like him. ANGIE He was gonna make me blueberry pancakes. POPPY Oh, Ang, that's huge. ANGIE Mm-hmm. POPPY You got to give him a chance. ANGIE You're right. I'm gonna do it. POPPY Do it. ANGIE I'm gonna go get in that bed. POPPY You're gonna give me those keys. ANGIE I'm gonna give you those keys. POPPY Yeah. ANGIE I'm gonna get in that bed. POPPY Yep. Do it. I want a full report. MIGGY Yo, Poppy. Yo. I got it. I have the perfect job. I'm gonna be a celebrity chef. POPPY That's your realistic job option? MIGGY Yeah. POPPY Okay, Miggy, enough. You're not gonna be a celebrity chef. MIGGY How do you know? POPPY Because you're not a celebrity. Or a chef. MIGGY Well, not yet. But you should see the purees I put together for Jack. I mean, they're just totally out the box. I'll put a mango in with the strawberry. Mm! A spinach next to a banana. Uh! I don't even care. POPPY Miggy. None of that qualifies you to be a celebrity chef. MIGGY Well- But you- You told me to dream big. POPPY Look, Miggy, I know I told you to follow your bliss, but you need to follow it to a paycheck. Rent's due. MIGGY Dang. You know, I feel like you didn't have my back there, buddy. Tsk. WILL I-I don't get it. Where would they go? I knew I should have microchipped Sophie. DOUGLAS Oh okay, all right, just relax. WILL Maybe they went through the Shawshank tunnel. I'm going in. Oh, yeah, they didn't get very far. DOUGLAS Yeah, I replaster that every month. Keeps them busy. O-Okay, look, look. Here's a note. We went to the golf course to find stars. Okay? Relax. Everything's fine. WILL How is everything fine? They could be on any golf course in the city. DOUGLAS The golf course is my backyard. WILL You live on a golf course? DOUGLAS No, I get in a car and I drive to play golf. Moron. ANGIE Hey. I, uh, I didn't go to get mouthwash. OWEN Yeah, I figured. It's been two hours. ANGIE Look, I'm scared, okay? I I never usually get this far in a relationship. But that changes tonight. Okay? I don't really know what's gonna happen, I might get scared and run away again, but I'm getting in that bed. OWEN Okay. ANGIE Okay. I'm gonna get under. OWEN She's in. ANGIE I'm in. BOTH ANGIE Under the covers. OWEN ANGIE Doing it, I'm doing it. Oh, my God. My kid's on a golf course. I got to go. OWEN Okay. ANGIE You know, for the record, the golf course is real. Mouthwash, fake. Golf course, real. OWEN Oh, well, for the record, I really enjoyed all five seconds of whatever it is we just did. ANGIE WILL This place is huge, they could be anywhere. DOUGLAS All right, relax, if they have any taste, they'll be on the fourth hole. WILL This is my fault. I just- I wanted a guy's night, you know? Back when I worked at the weather channel, I had my dudes and then when I started freelancing to be closer to Sophie, they all kind of fell away. I-I miss it. DOUGLAS Yeah, well, men need other men. It's in our DNA to form clans. That's why I have my dermatology crew. WILL Right. You already have your friends. I get it. I promise I won't bother you anymore. DOUGLAS But they really don't understand the parenting thing. My crew, you know? Especially parenting girls. WILL Right? I mean, that's a whole different thing. DOUGLAS Oh, boy. WILL Don't get me started on bobby pins. DOUGLAS Yeah, what is with that? I-I'll always step on them, but when I need one. WILL They disappear. DOUGLAS Yeah. WILL They're everywhere and nowhere at the same time. DOUGLAS Exactly. WILL Yeah. DOUGLAS It makes zero sense. WILL DOUGLAS Listen, you know, you were right back there. The whole thing about the walls. No one's ever had the dice to call me out before. WILL I'm sorry. I think it was a combination of the dry heat and the wet jeans. DOUGLAS No, I mean it. Thank you. WILL There are the kids. Oh, they're laying on their backs. I think the coyotes got them. Sophie! DOUGLAS Calm down, they're looking up at the stars. WILL Sophie. ANGIE There they are. Douglas, what the hell? POPPY Why am I getting texts that my kid's on a golf course? DOUGLAS I-I'm sorry, I'm bad at this. WILL No, it's my fault. I-I told the kids they don't need adult supervision and I think that. DOUGLAS It's both of our faults. We were having a guy's night. You hug me and it's over. ANGIE WILL I'm not. ANGIE Well, let's just all be grateful that Douglas lives on a golf course like a cartoon millionaire. POPPY Hi. DOUGLAS God, Rory, you look like one of the Mandrell Sisters. RORY Barbara? DOUGLAS Sure. SOPHIE He did it. POPPY You will, too. SONG ? Ride to the stars today ? ? We could ride to the stars today ? WILL Do you guys hear that? ANGIE Oh, my God. Sprinklers! ALL RORY Never again with the chiffon! KIDS ANGIE Hey. Guess what? I'm doing it. Putting myself out there with Owen. POPPY You sent him a pancake and a blueberry emoji? ANGIE Intimacy! I'm doing it! MIGGY Yo, Pop, I made a new list. POPPY Oh, God. MIGGY No, there's only one thing on it. POPPY You want to work for me at the Winebrary? MIGGY Yep. POPPY Huh. I could actually use the help. MIGGY Yeah? POPPY All right. You can apply online. MIGGY C-Come on, what? POPPY Kidding. You're hired. MIGGY Yeah. POPPY Yeah. SOPHIE Bye Dad, enjoy your breakfast. WILL Thank you, Soph. Early morning steak, not so bad, huh? DOUGLAS Oh, I can feel my arteries bracing. I love it. WILL Hmm. Now, this is a single malt. MISS ADAMS Is that liquor? On school property? DOUGLAS Tell you what, here. Take a walk. WILL Yeah, we're trying to enjoy a meal here. I'm so sorry, Miss Adams. DOUGLAS You gonna eat that last piece? WILL You want to attack it from both sides Lady and the Tramp-style? No, I'm-I'm kidding, you go ahead and take it. Gosh, I love seeing you happy.