BENJAMIN COUNSELOR DELIVERY_GUY DONNA GALLO GIBBS GUARD_1 GUARD_2 HARVEY JESSICA JIM_REYNOLDS LOUIS MIKE RACHEL RUTH


HARVEY
Previously on “Suits”…
GIBBS
Listening to his closing argument, I almost want to let him go myself. Except for one thing. He’s a liar. He thinks he doesn’t have to play by the same rules. But we know he does.
HARVEY
What did you do?
MIKE
I pled guilty.
HARVEY
If you think I’m going to let you do this, you’re out of your goddamn mind.
JESSICA
He cut a deal to save this firm.
HARVEY
He cut a deal to keep us from going to prison. We give Evan people who already want to go and I give Anita gibbs murderers in exchange for mike.
JESSICA
And what if it doesn’t work and we lose everything?
LOUIS
Then we do. But if we don’t try to save him, who are we?
JESSICA
Make the deal.
MIKE
I am not letting you go to prison for a crime that I committed.
HARVEY
I’m not letting you go when you were going to be found innocent.
MIKE
Why the hell would you lie to me?
HARVEY
Because the truth would have broken you.
MIKE:
You know what, Harvey? You want to come to my wedding, you let me know.
HARVEY
I’m not trying to take your place anymore. I’m trying to get you ready.
MIKE
harvey.
HARVEY
Because you’re weak.
MIKE
I am not weak.
HARVEY
Yeah, well, hit me.
MIKE
Is this what you want? That I hate you and then you made me do this? I lost everything because of you!
MIKE
I am not saying that I don’t want to get married. You go finish law school and then, in two years when I get out, if you still want to marry m
JESSICA
They’re all gone.
HARVEY
Watch your back in there, mike.
MIKE
I will.
GUARD 1
General wake-up for all inmates is at six A.m. You will be standing next to your bed at that time. If you are not, you will face disciplinary action. At least five inmate counts will be held during each twenty-four hour period at random times. You will stand still during every one of those counts. If you are not, you will face disciplinary action. You will be at meals on time if you want to eat. You will be at work on time no matter what. You will keep your cell in a clean and sanitary condition. If you fail in any of these areas, you will face.
MIKE
Disciplinary action.
GUARD 1
Good, you’re getting the picture.
MIKE
Do you mind if I ask what disciplinary action means?
GUARD 1
Since you got the balls to ask that, I’m sure you’re going to find out soon enough.
MIKE
What’s this for?
GUARD 1
What do you think it’s for? Strip naked. Put everything you own inside that bag, then follow me.
RACHEL
harvey, what are you doing here?
HARVEY
I came to let you know that I dropped him off. And, uh… he looks as good as he could look. And I think he’s going to be okay.
RACHEL
I appreciate that. But you could have told me that over the phone. So, what are you really doing here?
HARVEY
I miss him.
RACHEL
I miss him, too.
LOUIS
Where the hell are you going?
DONNA
Where do you think I’m going?
I’m going home, louis.
LOUIS
Don’t you get it? They’re all
gone. Every single one of them.
DONNA
Yeah, well, we knew that
already.
LOUIS
No, no. I don’t think you
understand. I’m not just talking
about the partners. I’m talking
about everyone from the
accountants to the secretaries
to the guy who shines my shoes,
donna. all of them, gone.
DONNA
And what exactly do you want me
to do about it?
LOUIS
I want you to get harvey on the
goddamn phone.
DONNA
Well, I’m not going to do that.
LOUIS
Why not?
JESSICA
Because tonight is not the night
to call harvey.
LOUIS
Why? Because of mike? i don’t
know if you’ve noticed, but mike
is gone along with everybody
else. And if we don’t figure
something out by tonight, we are
going to be left with nothing.
JESSICA
I didn’t say we weren’t going to
figure something out, louis. i
said we’re not calling harvey.
LOUIS
Well, then, what the hell are we
going to do?
JESSICA
Right now, I’m going to go to my
office and fix myself a goddamn
drink.
RACHEL
The first time I met him?
What do you think I
thought? I… I thought he was an
idiot.
HARVEY
Imagine how I felt when a bunch
of weed spilled out of his
briefcase ten seconds after he
walked into his interview.
RACHEL
I know, you were so horrified,
you got on the phone and you
called the police. No, wait, you
didn’t do that. You offered the
idiot a job.
HARVEY
That’s because after I heard his
story, I knew he wasn’t an idiot
after all.
RACHEL
And I knew by the end of that
first morning that he wasn’t
like anyone I’d ever met. And
that if I wasn’t careful, I was
going to be in trouble.
HARVEY
To trouble.
RACHEL
To trouble.
HARVEY
Look at that, Louis
left me a voicemail.
RACHEL
I don’t understand. You seem
happy about that.
HARVEY
That’s because one of my
favorite pastimes is to listen
to one of louis’ messages.
RACHEL
What if he’s upset about
something?
HARVEY
He’s always upset about
something. That’s why one of my
favorite pastimes is to listen
to one of louis’ messages.
LOUIS
Damn it, harvey, pick
up the goddamn phone. because
this entire firm is a ghost town
and i’m sorry mike’s in prison
but if we don’t figure something
out, what you and your little
sidekick did is going to be the
end of us. And don’t give me
some bullshit about tonight
isn’t the time because.
HARVEY
I’ve got to go.
RACHEL
Yeah, I know. I’m coming with
you.
HARVEY
rachel, you heard what louis
said. This is going to be a
rough night. You need to stay
here.
RACHEL
harvey, it’s going to be a rough
night no matter where I am. And
at least if I’m with you,
there’s a chance that I could be
of some use.
HARVEY
You better get your coat,
because we don’t have much time.
MIKE:
Now what?
GUARD 1
Now you get dressed. And you
wait.
LOUIS
Would you like some more drinks?
Can I offer you an appetizer?
Maybe some truffle fries? Or are
we allowed to talk business now?
JESSICA
alright, louis. what do you
think we should do? Since it was
your recommendation that landed
us in this mess in the first
place.
LOUIS
I recommended that because it
was a last ditch effort to get
mike out of prison.
JESSICA
And you also said we’d only lose
fifty percent of our partners to
Evan Smith.
LOUIS
How could I have known that she
had the capacity to bring on
more than that?
JESSICA
Don’t you get it? The rest
didn’t go to Evan Smith. They
just walked the hell out and
went somewhere else.
LOUIS
Then we can sue their asses.
JESSICA
With what lawyers, what
resources, and what money?
Because I don’t know if you’ve
noticed, but this firm has been
gutted because of your
recommendation.
HARVEY
no, jessica. it was gutted
because of mine.
JESSICA
damn it, louis. i told you not
to call him.
LOUIS
Well, I did. Because he’s a
partner and like he just said,
he was the one who wanted to
sever the non-competes in the
first place.
HARVEY
you’re right, louis, i did. but
i didn’t come down here to play
pin the blame on the harvey. i
came down here to figure out
what the hell we’re going to do.
JESSICA
Then let’s get to it. May I help
you?
DELIVERY GUY
Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt, but
there was no one at reception
and I have your order here.
HARVEY
You’ve got to be kidding me.
You call me down here for an
emergency and then you take the
time to order Chinese food?
LOUIS
I didn’t order anything,
asshole. So, crouch your tiger,
hide your dragon, or I’m going
to wang chung your ass out of
here.
JESSICA
louis, calm down. clearly
there’s some mistake. No one at
this firm has ordered any food.
Delivery Guy: Well, I’m pretty sure this is
the right place. Because the
name on your door says jessica
pearson and this order is for a
jessica pearson.
LOUIS
yeah, this is jessica pearson.
JESSICA
Louis!
HARVEY
Louis!
LOUIS
What?
DELIVERY GUY
They know I’m not really here to
bring you an egg roll, asshole.
I’m here to serve you with this.
LOUIS
What is that?
HARVEY
It’s a class action.
JESSICA
We’re being sued for every case
mike ross has ever touched.
HARVEY
That’s why they all left.
HARVEY
They knew this was
coming and they got out so they
could all have it on record that
they were gone…
HARVEY
before the suit came
down.
LOUIS
Then we need to know who the
hell tipped them off.
JESSICA
It doesn’t matter who tipped
them off. What matters is if we
lose this suit…
JESSICA
we can’t handle the
money.
HARVEY
How much are they suing us for?
JESSICA
A hundred million.
LOUIS
Goddamn it.
LOUIS
We need to get those
partners back.
JESSICA
I told you, we’re never going to
get them back.
JESSICA
And right now, we don’t
even know where they went.
DONNA
I do.
HARVEY
How the hell did you pull that
off?
JESSICA
Because lawyers don’t talk to
lawyers.
JESSICA
But secretaries talk to
secretaries.
DONNA
That is a list of who went
where.
JESSICA
Okay, we need a paper trail
tonight.
JESSICA
Notices of breach of
contract. And we need to get it
on record that those partners
aren’t off the hook.
LOUIS
It’s too late to send out
notices. We already got served
with the lawsuit.
JESSICA
He didn’t record the time.
HARVEY
donna, there’s five thousand in
the cigar box on my desk. Get it
now.
LOUIS
Wait, where the hell are you
going?
HARVEY
I’m going downstairs to tell
that server he can have every
nickel of it to say he didn’t
deliver that thing for another
two hours.
JESSICA
assuming harvey doesn’t shit the
bed…
JESSICA
we’ve got two hours to
figure out how we’re going to
serve every partner on this
list.
LOUIS
Give me that list. They can consider
themselves served, because Louis
Marlowe Litt never backs down
from a fight.
RUTH
Federal Correctional
Institution, Danbury.
RACHEL
Yes. I’m… I’m calling to check on an…
RUTH
Inmate?
RACHEL
Yeah. His name is Michael Ross
and he…
RUTH
I’m sorry, ma’am.
I can’t give out information
regarding inmates.
RACHEL
Would you at least be able to tell
me if he’s been processed yet?
RUTH
If he surrendered
himself, then he has been
processed.
RACHEL
Okay. So, does that mean that
he’s in a cell now or…
RUTH
Ma’am, I’m a prison
administrator, not a hotel
concierge. I
don’t know the whereabouts of
any given inmate at any given
time.
RACHEL
Okay. Would you be able to tell
me when I can see him?
RUTH
Are you his spouse or immediate
family?
RACHEL
No.
RUTH
Then you’ll have to
go through the
approval process.
RACHEL
But he doesn’t have
any immediate family 
and I’m his fiancée.
RUTH
And unless you have a filed marriage
certificate, you’ll have to wait
until next month.
RACHEL
Next month? Um Look, am I… am I
allowed to ask your name?
RUTH
My name is Ruth.
RACHEL
ruth, mike and i were supposed
to be married today. 
But we weren’t and I can’t stop
thinking about him
And I’m not going to be
able to sleep unless I know that
he’s going to be okay.
RUTH
He’s in prison,
ma’am. I really
couldn’t say. I am sorry.
COUNSELOR
Nothing like prison blue to make
you realize the clothes don’t
make the man, huh?
MIKE
Warden Clark?
Counselor: Me? No. Who told you
you were going to meet the
warden?
MIKE
Uh, no one. I just thought…
COUNSELOR
That this was going to be like a
prison movie. “Put your trust in
the lord, but your ass belongs
to me” type shit.
MIKE
You know “Shawshank”. Of course
you know “Shawshank”. You work
in a prison.
COUNSELOR
No, brother, I know “Shawshank”
because it’s the greatest movie
ever made. Here.
MIKE
What’s this?
COUNSELOR
Your psychological evaluation.
MIKE
Why do I need a psychological
evaluation?
COUNSELOR
Because the Federal penitentiary
system says you do. Now, when I
get back, if there’s a hole in
the mirror covered by a Rita
Hayworth poster, I will not be
happy.
LOUIS
okay, louis, calm down. you’ve
had a few misfires and possibly
had a stroke, but you can do
this. You’ve entered the
requisite information, you’ve
calibrated the typeface
perfectly… All you have to do is
press send and those sons of
bitches are about to get Litt
the hell up. Goddamn mother…
Benjamin: What the hell are you doing?
LOUIS
I’m just doing a little
troubleshooting. Why?
BENJAMIN
That is a four hundred thousand
dollar piece of hardware and you
have no business even…
LOUIS
Wait a second. What are you
still doing here?
BENJAMIN
What any I.T. officer worth his
salt would do. I’m maintaining
our system so it appears we’re
still a functioning law firm to
the outside world.
LOUIS
Can you electronically serve
legal notice to every partner in
the next two hours?
BENJAMIN
As long as you’ve got their
official business addresses, I
can do it in the next two
minutes.
LOUIS
Well, it’s a good thing I have
them right here.
BENJAMIN
Um, no offense, but I’m really
more of a lone ranger.
LOUIS
Excuse me?
Benjamin: I can get this done in a more
efficient manner without you
looking over my shoulder.
LOUIS
Well, that’s what I told my
mother when I looked at my first
Playboy. But it didn’t happen
then and it’s not going to
happen now.
BENJAMIN
Well, that doesn’t matter
because… we have a problem.
JESSICA
So, you’re saying in this
office, at any given moment,
there’s a hundred thousand
dollars hidden away.
HARVEY
That’s what I’m saying.
JESSICA
Where?
HARVEY
I’m not going to tell you.
LOUIS
Whatever the hell you two are in
the middle of, it’s going to
have to wait. Because
secretaries may talk to
secretaries, but liars talk to
idiots.
JESSICA
louis, what the hell are you
talking about?
LOUIS
I’m saying that that list is a
bucket of bullshit and the
mighty donna paulsen… she
doesn’t know her ass from her
elbow.
HARVEY
watch yourself, louis.
LOUIS
I don’t need to watch myself,
harvey. see, i don’t know if
you’ve noticed, but we’re being
sued for a hundred million
dollars, the partners are gone,
and we can’t stop them.
JESSICA
Maybe we don’t have to stop
them.
HARVEY
What are you saying?
JESSICA
What I want to know right now is
what we’re all worth.
LOUIS
What, are you kidding? Why don’t
you just jam a cattle prod up my
ass? It would be less invasive.
HARVEY
I’ll jam my fist in your face if
you don’t start getting with the
program.
LOUIS
There you go, resorting to
violence like you always do.
Because you won’t admit this
whole thing is your fault in the
first place.
HARVEY
My fault? If I hadn’t brought
mike in, you’d still be here
sniveling around like a goddamn
Junior Partner.
LOUIS
and if i hadn’t given donna back
to you, you’d still be having
panic attacks like a goddamn
little girl.
JESSICA
louis!
HARVEY
You smug son of a bitch.
RACHEL
That’s enough! I just watched
the man that I love go to prison
so that none of you had to. And
it hasn’t been five minutes… and
you’re already ripping each
other apart.
HARVEY
rachel.
RACHEL
Let me finish. I thought I
wanted to be alone tonight. And
then, I realized that I didn’t
because I wanted to be with my
family. But if you can’t keep it
together tonight of all nights,
then as far as I’m concerned…
you can all rot in hell.
LOUIS
Well, I’m going to say what she
won’t. This is all on you.
HARVEY
louis, this is the last place i
wanted to be tonight, too. But I
came back here to save my firm,
anyway. But if you’re going to
be the same old louis and we’re
going to do the same old dance,
then maybe you and this firm can
both go rot in hell.
JESSICA
louis, i don’t want to hear it.
LOUIS
Well, that’s good. Because I’m
not here to say it.
JESSICA
Are you saying you didn’t come
down here to tell me harvey can
go to hell?
LOUIS
I’m saying I came down here to
tell you if harvey wants to go…
we should let him.
JESSICA
oh, louis.
LOUIS
jessica, you once told me that
no matter what happens, Pearson
will always consider Litt her
partner. Which means whatever
happens with harvey… we can do
this together. What do you say?
You and me. Pearson Litt. Wow.
You say no.
JESSICA
no, louis…
LOUIS
I should have known. You never
wanted me. All you ever wanted
was your precious harvey.
JESSICA
louis, you have no idea what i
want. And my hesitation has
nothing to do with you.
LOUIS
Then what exactly does it have
to do with?
JESSICA
louis. i have put everything i
have into keeping this firm
afloat for as long as I can
remember. Well, now, look around
you. The ship isn’t sinking,
it’s sunk. And I don’t know if I
have it in me to pull it back up
from the bottom of the ocean.
MIKE
Finally.
COUNSELOR
Excuse me?
MIKE
They came and took that thing
away three hours ago. I’ve been
sitting here twiddling my thumbs
ever since.
COUNSELOR
You were not twiddling your
thumbs. You were waiting for me
to go over the results of that
thing. And the results are, you
are full of shit.
MIKE
Excuse me?
COUNSELOR
You heard me.
MIKE
I answered every one of those
questions honestly.
COUNSELOR
I didn’t say you didn’t.
MIKE
Well, in that case, I guess you
didn’t get the memo. We’re in a
prison filled with con men.
Everyone here is full of shit.
COUNSELOR
And the difference between you
and them is they know they are.
MIKE
What does that even mean?
Counselor: It means that they know they
don’t have the patience to earn
what they want. And that’s why
they go out and steal it from
other people.
MIKE
So, that’s why you left me in
here all that time. Just to
prove that I have no patience.
COUNSELOR
Evaluation number two:
narcissistic tendencies.
MIKE
Oh.
COUNSELOR
The world does not revolve
around you.
MIKE
You know what? I don’t have to
listen to this.
COUNSELOR
No, you don’t. Because my day is
done. And I’m going to go home,
pour myself a cold beer, while
you get settled in cell fortytwo
on the south end of “D”
block.
MIKE
Yeah, I get it. I’m no longer
mike ross. i’m just inmate
number “five-three-two-ninesix”.
COUNSELOR
no, you are still mike ross.
But my job is to help you become
a better version of him when you
leave than when you came in.
And if you trust me, that just
might happen.
MIKE
Trust you? You came in here
before acting like you were on
my side.
COUNSELOR
Whoa, let’s get one thing
straight. I didn’t act anything.
You waltzed in here thinking
this was going to be like some
prison movie. Well, it’s not.
So, get that through your head.
It’s not a movie, brother. It’s
just prison.
DONNA
Don’t you dare push that button.
you’re not leaving, harvey. not
tonight.
HARVEY
Yes, I am.
DONNA
Well, if you really mean that,
then you’re not the man I
thought you were.
HARVEY
What did you just say to me?
DONNA
I said that underneath that
expensive suit and that perfect
record is a coward ready to run
from one of the biggest fights
of his life.
HARVEY
I am not running from anything,
donna, and i don’t need this
right now.
DONNA
no, harvey, right now is exactly
when you need this. Because
tomorrow is going to be too
late.
HARVEY
I know what I’m doing.
DONNA
Then why don’t you enlighten me?
Because I, for one, would love
to know exactly what you’re
doing.
HARVEY
I’m going to go the hell home
and never look back.
DONNA
And what about tomorrow?
HARVEY
I don’t care about tomorrow.
DONNA
Well, maybe you should start
caring about tomorrow. Because
if you don’t, you’re going to
wake up three weeks from now and
you’re going to realize that
this was the biggest mistake of
your life. And all you did was
give up exactly what mike went
to prison to save.
HARVEY
mike did not go to prison to
save this goddamn firm.
DONNA
no, harvey, he went to prison to
save us. And now, you’re walking
out on us. And if you’re going
to do that, then tell me, what
did he save us for?
COUNSELOR
Let’s get one thing straight.
You waltzed in here thinking
this was going to be like a
prison movie. Well, it’s not.
GUARD 2
Ross.
COUNSELOR
It’s not a movie, brother. It’s
just prison.It’s
just prison.
GUARD 2
Ross. Did you hear me? We going
to have trouble your first
night?
MIKE
No.
GUARD 2
Then get in there. One more
thing. You’re not authorized to
leave this cell the rest of the
night.
RACHEL
jessica. i’m sorry. i didn’t…
JESSICA
You know, this used to be my
desk. Different desk, same spot.
Jackson was there, Burns was
there, and Kleiman was by the
door. He hated being by the
door.
RACHEL
I don’t know any of those names.
JESSICA
Because they got out a long time
ago, because this life isn’t for
everyone. And it’s harder on
some than it is on others.
RACHEL
What are you saying?
JESSICA
I’m saying that, for women, the
rules are different. You can’t
be everyone’s friend and invite
them to tea. Because warm means
you’re weak. I wasn’t going to
be weak. But now, the flip side
to that is if you’re strong,
they think you’re cold. And
that’s why they’re all gone.
Because they see me as… as
unfeeling and manipulative. I’m
tired of it.
RACHEL
Well, they’re wrong.
JESSICA
You’re just saying that because
you’re seeing me like this.
RACHEL
No, that has nothing to do with
it. My dad told me that the only
reason he came to the church
today was because you told him
if he didn’t, he would lose me
forever. And you didn’t do that
because you were trying to
manipulate some situation. You
did it because you care. And
because you did it, I will be
loyal to you forever.
JESSICA
what can i do for you, harvey?
HARVEY
I came to tell you that I’m
sorry.
JESSICA
You should be.
HARVEY
I know. So, are you going to
give me a tongue lashing, or you
want to figure out how we can
get out of this jackpot?
JESSICA
I think that, right now, you and
me and louis should get in a
room and smoke a peace pipe.
HARVEY
Are you saying what I think
you’re saying?
JESSICA
I sure as hell am.
HARVEY
And where exactly are we going
to get that shit this late at
night. Because the coffee cart
guy is long gone.
JESSICA
It just so happens I like to
brew my own coffee from time to
time.
RACHEL
I’m going to go get a drink.
That stuff’s illegal, you know.
GALLO
Put that down.
MIKE
Oh, hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t
mean to…
GALLO
Touch my stuff? Funny, I didn’t
see the picture jump into your
hands by itself.
MIKE
Look, I was just…
GALLO
Relax, I’m just giving you shit.
That’s my little nephew. Sweet
kid, but dumb as a box of rocks.
Welcome to Danbury. What’s your
name?
MIKE
mike. mike ross.
GALLO
frank gallo. well, mike, it
looks like we’re going to be
sharing this little condo for a
while, huh? You feel like
telling me what you’re in for?
Look, I get it. You don’t know
if you can trust me. Listen, the
truth is, you shouldn’t trust
anybody in here. Except I just
asked what you did, and they
obviously already caught you, so
what’s the harm?
MIKE
Well, if there’s no harm, then
why don’t you tell me what
you’re in for?
GALLO
That could take a while.
MIKE
Well, I don’t know about you,
but I’m free for the next two
years.
GALLO
Ah, careful. See, now, you told
me how long you were in for.
Starts there, ends with you
telling me you were born a poor
black child.
MIKE
You know “The Jerk”.
GALLO
Yeah, and you know “The Jerk”?
MIKE
Yeah, I watched a lot of movies
growing up.
Gallo
Ah. We watch a lot of movies in
here. Alright, you want to know
my story? It starts long before
I did what I did. Because I was
not born a poor black child, but
I was born poor. Which made me
susceptible to wanting to be
rich.
LOUIS
Of course I’m thinking about
myself. What, you wouldn’t?
Please, you’d throw a giraffe
off of Noah’s ark just to save
your sorry ass. The world’s
probably without unicorns
because of one of your
ancestors. And I… Will you just
let me finish a thought, for
God’s sake?
JESSICA
louis? what exactly are you
doing?
LOUIS
Well, what does it look like I’m
doing? I’m having a discussion
about the fate of the firm with
my dead secretary’s ashes.
HARVEY
Well, as long as it’s not
something weird.
LOUIS
What exactly have you two been
doing the last half hour?
HARVEY
The same thing you’re about to
do.
LOUIS
No way. I’m not doing the mary
jane.
HARVEY
Yes, you are.
LOUIS
I’m not huffing and puffing.
JESSICA
louis, it’s the only way.
LOUIS
No, I’m not doing the dirty.
HARVEY
It’s okay, I got this. I mean,
if louis doesn’t want to smoke
it, maybe Norma does.
LOUIS
Oh, don’t you dare.
HARVEY
relax, louis, it’s not
like it’s going to kill her.
LOUIS
harvey, that is not funny.
Okay? You’re going to get ashes
in her ashes.
HARVEY
Then why don’t you just smoke it
yourself?
LOUIS
Put that out.
HARVEY
Nope. I’m going to light this
joint on the count of one…
LOUIS
harvey, i’m telling you…
HARVEY
Two.
LOUIS
harvey.
HARVEY
Three.
HARVEY
Did you pull your back out?
LOUIS
Give me the goddamn thing.
MIKE
Jesus Christ.
GALLO
That’s the thing about
computers. You can delete
whatever you want, but it’s
never really gone.
MIKE
So, if you had just stopped one
trade sooner, they might never
have even caught you.
GALLO
Yeah, I could have stopped five,
four, three trades sooner, they
still might not have. But how do
you know?
MIKE
I’ll tell you how you know. You
stop when you have enough money
to put your kids through
college.
GALLO
Yeah, but what college? And what
if they want to go to med
school? And what if they need a
car? And then, somewhere along
the way, you stop thinking about
if they need a car and you start
thinking, “I need a car.” And
that’s when you get caught.
Because whether you want to
admit it to yourself or not, you
were never thinking about them
in the first place. But whether
you were or weren’t, once you
start, you don’t stop.
MIKE
That’s one hell of a story,
Frank.
GALLO
Yeah, well, this is prison.
Everyone’s got a hell of a
story. Anyway, that’s enough for
one night. I’m going to go to
bed.
MIKE
My story started with my
grandmother. She was sick. And
she needed money. And I found a
way to get it for her.
LOUIS
Holy shit. This is the best
thing ever. I love the both of
you so much.
HARVEY
This was your doing.
JESSICA
harvey. we’re making progress.
LOUIS
Holy shit, this is the best egg
roll ever.
JESSICA
Jesus Christ, get me out of
here.
LOUIS
This is so awesome. I mean, I
haven’t been this stress free
since I took gold in the Mathlympics
and Esther went to fat
camp in the same week.
JESSICA
Esther went to fat camp?
LOUIS
They called it Violin All-Stars,
but we all know what that’s code
for. And if you so much as
picture her in a school-girl
outfit…
HARVEY
come on, louis, we’re all
feeling good. You telling me you
never slipped up and had an
inappropriate relationship?
JESSICA
louis, i don’t want to know the
answer to that.
LOUIS
I did. It was the most shameful
night of my life.
JESSICA
harvey, don’t ask…
HARVEY
What exactly was so shameful
about it?
LOUIS
Well, she was a paralegal. And I
took mud with her.
HARVEY
I don’t understand. Are you
saying you sullied her
reputation?
LOUIS
No, I’m saying I sullied the
concept of mud.
HARVEY
What the hell are you talking
about?
LOUIS
What, do I need a bullhorn? I
had a premature muddification.
HARVEY
What the hell does that mean?
JESSICA
I think we all know what that
means.
LOUIS
It means I couldn’t hold my mud.
HARVEY
I still don’t know what that
means. Did you take a shit in
the mud?
LOUIS
No, that’s disgusting.
HARVEY
What part of this conversation
isn’t disgusting?
JESSICA
I know I’m going to regret
asking this. Who exactly was it?
LOUIS
I cannot tell you that
information.
JESSICA
Okay, good, because the truth
is…
LOUIS
It was Missy Dietler.
HARVEY
louis, i’m going to ask you a
question. I want you to tell me
the truth. Does Missy Dietler
know that you couldn’t hold your
mud?
LOUIS
Oh, heavens no. The Turkish silt
was thick enough to prevent her
from feeling it. So…
JESSICA
Was it thick enough to hide you
wanting to go sleep after?
LOUIS
Oh, my god. She knew.
JESSICA
i got news for you, louis. they
always know.
LOUIS
Oh, you’re so right. You’re so
right. She… I need fifteen
minutes to myself.
MIKE
And that’s it. I cut a deal and
now I’m here.
GALLO
Wait a second. If you were a
fake lawyer, they had to give
you a chance to turn on someone
to get out of it.
MIKE
They did.
GALLO
So, why the hell didn’t you do
it?
MIKE
Because I wouldn’t have been
able to live with myself.
GALLO
Somebody out there owes you a
lot.
MIKE
Yeah, well… I owe him a lot,
too.
GALLO
So, what, you’re… you’re, like,
a… a good guy or something?
MIKE
Am I?
GALLO
What do you mean?
MIKE
I left the woman I love at the
altar today.
GALLO
Why did you do that?
MIKE
Because I didn’t want to chain
her to me if there was even the
chance that she would regret it.
GALLO
Then, yeah, you’re a good guy.
MIKE
Thanks, Frank.
HARVEY
One thing about everyone being
gone? We got the run of the
place.
JESSICA
I never knew what the ceiling
looked like in here.
HARVEY
It’s like “The Breakfast Club”.
JESSICA
Do you ever not quote a movie?
HARVEY
No. And if you’ve got a problem
with that… frankly, my dear, I
don’t give a damn.
JESSICA
You’re an idiot.
HARVEY
you think louis is going to be
okay with me now?
JESSICA
I think we’re about to find out.
LOUIS
harvey, what i was saying
before?
HARVEY
You don’t need to say anything,
louis. i’m not going to tell
anyone.
LOUIS
That’s not what I was going to
say. It’s not the only
inappropriate relationship I
ever had. i recorded you saying
that you knew about mike and i
almost gave it to anita gibbs.
HARVEY
Did you know about this?
JESSICA
No. But I suspected when he
tried to get me to turn you in
to gibbs with him.
HARVEY
What exactly was your response
to that request?
LOUIS
She said we didn’t need to do
that. And if it came to it, you
would take the bullet for both
of us.
HARVEY
I would have.
LOUIS
i’m sorry, harvey. i almost
ruined your life.
HARVEY
You don’t need to be sorry,
louis. the truth is, i’m the one
that ruined all of our lives
when i hired mike. and i never
apologized to either one of you
for it. But I will now. I’m
sorry. So… we good?
LOUIS
We’re good.
JESSICA
Alright. Now that the two of you
have made peace, let’s figure
out how we’re going to win this
war. Which starts with knowing
how much we have in our war
chest.
LOUIS
What exactly does that mean?
HARVEY
It means it’s time to answer the
question that she asked two
hours ago. How much money do we
have?
LOUIS
This again?
JESSICA
louis. after everything we’ve
been through tonight, how hard
could it be for us to write down
how much we’re worth right now?
LOUIS
I need another fifteen minutes
to myself.
HARVEY
Again?
JESSICA
oh, harvey, let him go. he
probably doesn’t have as much as
we do and it’s a vulnerable
thing for him.
HARVEY
Vulnerable? He just told us he
jerked off in the mud an hour
ago. You don’t think he’s going
to do that right now, do you?
JESSICA
Based on what he just told us,
he doesn’t need fifteen minutes
for that.
GALLO
You want to call her?
MIKE
What?
GALLO
Your fiancée. You want to call
her?
MIKE
What are you talking about?
GALLO
I’m talking about my first night
in here. I remember thinking
what I wouldn’t give to let
Jennifer know I was okay. The
thing is, I couldn’t. But you
can.
MIKE
I thought we weren’t allowed to
have phones in here.
GALLO
Yeah, well, I wasn’t allowed to
make inside trades either. But I
did. And now, I’m in here. What
else are they going to do?
MIKE
Uh, thanks, but… I just… I just
can’t right now.
GALLO
Whenever you want, phone’s right
here. Let’s try to get some
shut-eye, man.
DONNA
You okay?
RACHEL: He’s everywhere. He’s all around
here, DONNA. Like… The first
place we met was down the
hallway. And the first time we
kissed was in the library. And
I… I met his grandmother fifty
feet from here. And right here,
he told me the truth.
DONNA
rachel.
RACHEL
He was standing right where you
are and I was upset with him
about something that I don’t
even remember. And then, he told
me that he had lost everyone in
his life. And then, he told me
he was a fraud. And then, we…
Mm.
DONNA
You’re going to get through
this.
RACHEL
I know. I just wish I could see
him.
DONNA
What do you mean? You can see
him.
RACHEL
No, I can’t. I called the
prison.
DONNA
You called the prison tonight?
RACHEL
Yes, because I wanted to know if
he was okay. And they… they
wouldn’t give me any
information. So, then, I asked
them about visitation and they
said that I had to wait and I
had to get on a list. And…
DONNA
How long?
RACHEL
At least a month.
DONNA
I don’t know what to say.
RACHEL
You always know what to say.
DONNA
Not this time.
Benjamin: Excuse me, ladies. Sorry to
interrupt, but I think we might
have a problem.
DONNA
What is it, Benjamin?
Benjamin: We’re being hacked.
JESSICA
Oh. That’s a tidy little sum
you’ve got there.
HARVEY
You’re not doing so bad
yourself.
JESSICA
No, I am not.
HARVEY
Not bad for two people that came
from nothing.
JESSICA
I didn’t come from nothing and
you know it.
HARVEY
Bet it still feels pretty good
to write that number down.
JESSICA
Oh, it sure does. (sighs)
HARVEY
You’re still a little high,
aren’t you?
JESSICA
I sure am.
LOUIS
There. You wanted to know my net
worth, you got it.
HARVEY
Who are you?
JESSICA
Holy shit.
HARVEY
Are you a king?
LOUIS
No, I’m just not an idiot. What
the hell have you been doing
with your money?
JESSICA
louis, we’re not exactly poor.
LOUIS
That’s what Bolivia says to the
u.s., but if “nato” goes to war,
they’re not kicking in dick.
HARVEY
Well, if you’re so damn rich,
why didn’t you pony up for
donna’s salary when you had the
chance?
LOUIS
Do you even know how to spell
fiscal responsibility?
HARVEY
I know how to spell cheap.
JESSICA
Alright. You know, that’s
enough. At least now we know we
have enough to fund ourselves
for a while.
LOUIS
Do you guys have two rich
uncles? Because I’m not carrying
your asses if this thing drags
out.
HARVEY
louis, this is a team effort.
And I swear to God, if you don’t
come through on this…
DONNA
I hate to interrupt your
“Breakfast Club” moment, but you
need to sober up.
JESSICA
donna, what is it?
DONNA
According to Benjamin, the
partners didn’t just leave.
They’re coming after every
client we have.
JESSICA
Alright, give me an update and
give it to me in plain English.
Benjamin: I was able to shut the hack
down, but not before they got
all three of your clients’
files.
LOUIS
Shit, they’re trying to put us
in the ground tonight.
JESSICA
Then we have to stop it before
it even gets started.
LOUIS
Well, the only problem with that
is that we don’t know what
bullshit story they’re out there
selling right now.
HARVEY
Then we need to figure it out
and we need to figure it out
fast.
RACHEL
That’s the main line. What
should we do?
JESSICA
donna.
DONNA
Pearson Specter Litt, may I help
you? One moment, please. It’s
for you. It’s Jim Reynolds.
LOUIS
That’s Decker Pharmaceutical.
Don’t take it, he’s leaving us.
JESSICA
louis, he’s my oldest client.
I’m not ducking his call.
LOUIS
jessica.
JESSICA
Put him on speaker. Jim, how can
I help you?
JIM REYNOLDS
You can tell me
what’s going on there. I’ve been
hearing a lot of rumors and I
need to hear the truth from you.
JESSICA
Alright, Jim. You want to hear
the truth? We went out for the
afternoon and when we got back,
every partner in the place was
gone. But I’m telling you, the
name partners are still here and
we can still service you and the
board.
Jim Reynolds: I know you can.
JESSICA
Then you’re not calling to say
that you’re leaving us.
JIM REYNOLDS
I was calling to tell you I’ve
been sent notice they’re
bifurcating your firm and the
other partners have nothing to
do with Pearson Specter Litt
anymore.
JESSICA
Thanks, Jim. I appreciate it.
And I won’t forget it.
JIM REYNOLDS
jessica, if you’re not back on
your feet by the end of the
month, I won’t be able to hold
off the board.
JESSICA
If we’re not back by the end of
the month, I will call the board
and resign from service myself.
DONNA:
sn’t this good? They’re not
trying to poach.
HARVEY
It’s just as bad.
DONNA
What do you mean?
LOUIS
It means they don’t care about
clients right now. They’re
bifurcating the firm because
they want their buy-ins back.
JESSICA
And they hacked us to get our
clients’ information so that
they could deliver notice.
HARVEY
We need to move the money that
we have in every account by
tomorrow.
LOUIS
We don’t need to move it. We
need to use it.
JESSICA
If you’re thinking what I think
you’re thinking, you’re a
genius.
DONNA
What are you talking about?
LOUIS
We can use their buy-ins to
settle the class action
lawsuits.
HARVEY
And they won’t be able to sue us
for the money back because it
will already be gone. You really
are a genius.
LOUIS
thanks, harvey.
BENJAMIN
Uh, might I point out that I was
the one that brought the hacking
to your attention in the first
place? So… It’s…
GALLO
You might as well tell me what’s
on your mind. I can hear you
staring at the wall from all the
way over here.
MIKE
How do you handle it? Being away
from Jennifer for so long.
GALLO
You trust each other, visit each
other, and don’t ask questions
you don’t want answers to.
MIKE
That doesn’t sound like fun.
GALLO
Yeah, well, it shouldn’t be that
hard for you. You’re only here
for two years. I’m here for five
more.
MIKE
Jesus.
GALLO
You’re telling me.
MIKE
You know, maybe I’ll just send
rachel a text. you know, let her
know that I’m okay.
GALLO
Sure thing, kid. Just give it
back when you’re done.
LOUIS
Well, now that we’re starting
fresh, can we please finally get
rid of that hideous duck
painting?
HARVEY
no, louis, we can’t.
LOUIS
Why not?
HARVEY
Because it’s like you. I can’t
stand it, but it’s part of the
family.
DONNA
Speaking of family, where’s
Gretchen? I can’t believe she
would walk out on us, too.
LOUIS
She didn’t. We were supposed to
be at the wedding so I gave her
the day off to go to the
orthodontist.
HARVEY
Orthodontist?
LOUIS
Yeah, the woman’s in her
sixties. She still wears a
retainer.
JESSICA
Alright, we have a game plan.
Tomorrow morning, we offer them
ten cents on the dollar to
settle these suits. And from
this point on, we are all
committing to giving this firm
every ounce of blood, sweat, and
tears we have.
DONNA
What is it?
RACHEL
I just got a text from MIKE.
JESSICA
What does it say?
RACHEL
It says that he’s settling in
and that he’s getting along well
with his roommate. (sighs) And
that he thinks he’s going to be
okay.
HARVEY
Maybe he’s going to be okay, but
his roommate’s in for trouble.
RACHEL
To trouble.
HARVEY
To trouble.
GALLO
Hey.
MIKE
What?
GALLO
She texted you back.
MIKE
What did she say?
GALLO
aid she got your text, she
misses you, and she’s glad you
get along with your roommate.
MIKE
Thanks, Frank. For
everything.
GUARD 2
Alright, let’s go. Come on,
you’ve got to get out before the
next shift. They can’t know I
let you switch.
MIKE
Switch what? I’m in the right
cell. I’m in the one you gave
me.
GALLO
Yeah, but this isn’t the one
they gave me.
MIKE
What?
GALLO
You’re in the right cell. I’m
not.
MIKE
What the hell are you talking
about?
GALLO
The only thing I told you
tonight that’s true is that you
shouldn’t trust people in here.
But you did and now I know all
about you.
MIKE
Why the hell would you do that
to me?
GALLO
You said you could have turned
on a guy to get out of here but
you didn’t, because you owe him.
Well, I owe that son of a bitch,
too.
MIKE
harvey.
GALLO
yeah, harvey specter put me away
thirteen years ago. I’ve been
dreaming about getting him back
ever since. Then I read about
you in the paper, and I realized
I could get back at him without
ever leaving these walls.
MIKE
You son of a bitch.
GALLO
take it easy, mike. remember, i
know about you. And I’ve got
your little girlfriend’s number
right here.