ANDERS ASTRID BARISTA BARTENDER BILL CARVER CLERK EMIL EVERYONE FREDRIK JESSI JESSICA_JOHNSON JJ JJ_LUKAS JOHAN LUKAS MARC MAT MIA NORA OLIVER SUNNIVA JESSICA JOHNSON -- You know how people pretend not to listen, but it�s obvious they�re listening? Yep That�s the entire coffee shop What�s going on at that table? LUKAS STR�M JESSI Look, Lukas, you�re a great guy LUKAS But JESSI BUT this isn�t working out for me anymore I know you�ve been through a lot, but this just isn�t what I want anymore You�re just so YOU LUKAS Well JESSI I mean, you could at least look for a job! You just sit around I appreciate you buying me a plane ticket and all LUKAS But JESSI BUT look, ask yourself this If Norway�s so great, why haven�t you been back home in ten years? JESSI Yeah, see, that face? Right there? That�s your problem JESSI If all Norwegians express their feelings like you do, your sister�s wedding will feel more like a wake I�m out LUKAS Yeah, okay Completely reasonable BARISTA To-Go for Jessica Johnson? Here LUKAS JJ That�s me JESSI I only drink chai tea Which you�d know if you paid attention for once LUKAS I did order tea, right? BARISTA You did That�s hers JJ Hello LUKAS Oh You�re Jessica Johnson too? JJ I am LUKAS Okay, that�s weird JJ Is it, though? BARISTA I�ll get you a new one Hang on You still need that tea? LUKAS Doesn�t look like it Thanks anyway LUKAS Hey, I�m so sorry about the mix-up Two Jessica Johnsons What are the odds? JJ Higher than you�d think It�s a very common name Thank you, Mom There were actually two in my kindergarten class That�s when I started using JJ LUKAS Here, let me help you LUKAS I�m so sorry JJ Please stop helping me Or whatever it is you�re doing here LUKAS I�m recovering from knee surgery So slipping is a problem LUKAS Essentially I�m a mess JJ I teach high school physics You want to talk chaos, drama, and messy breakups? You�re not even in their league LUKAS Can I buy you a second coffee? Or technically, a third one? JJ I have to get to school It�s just JJ Hope your day gets better Bye! LUKAS Hey! JJ! JJ Final grades will be posted tonight Have a great holiday! JJ Thank you, Alex Merry Christmas LUKAS Hi LUKAS I come bearing three gifts JJ Like one of the wise men? LUKAS Exactly, except for the �wise� part JJ Is it weird that you found me here? It feels borderline creepy LUKAS There�s one high school a block from the coffee shop, wherein there�s one physics teacher, and I definitely know your name JJ Fair enough LUKAS First gift To help you get through your afternoon LUKAS Second gift That�s lemon poppy seed That way you can have black things in your teeth all afternoon and give the kids something to talk about JJ Perfect Thank you LUKAS And finally, we missed one LUKAS But I was thinking LUKAS If you were to change this negative to a positive--just one little line- -the rest of it would be right, and we could round this �D� up LUKAS What do you think? Could we give Connor here a C for Christmas? My day could really use the lift JJ Technically, that D was a gift JJ Better? LUKAS I feel happier already JJ No one remembers tenth grade physics, so you�re either a physicist or a teacher LUKAS Just a guy who knows how to use the internet LUKAS Look at that! You have a troll! I do JJ LUKAS It�s from Bergen, Norway Like me JJ How do you know that? LUKAS It�s wearing the Bergen bunad , see? LUKAS The bunad is the traditional Norwegian dress Every region has their own And your little guy is from Bergen Where did you get it? JJ It was my grandmother�s She always had it on her bed stand LUKAS Did your grandmother visit Norway? JJ No She wasn�t a traveler I asked her once why she liked this little troll so much She just said it was cute LUKAS Huh Kind of a mystery, then LUKAS Can I ask What were you about to say earlier? JJ Sorry? LUKAS Outside the coffee shop You started to say something, but you changed your mind JJ puts up a hand, a little self-consciously JJ Not my circus LUKAS But I�m asking JJ Why did you just sit there? All the dirt she was piling up on you And you didn�t call her on any of it LUKAS Because she wasn�t wrong And I AM between jobs JJ But she didn�t need to do it in public Besides, you bought her a ticket to Norway JJ The smart move would have been to take the free ticket and then dump you LUKAS You�re right What was she thinking? JJ Stop doing that! LUKAS You could have the ticket! JJ Sorry, what? LUKAS My extra ticket to Norway It�s in your name, right? You could spend Christmas there JJ I can�t go to Norway with you LUKAS You don�t have to go with me, exactly Do you have a passport? JJ Of course, but LUKAS Listen, this isn�t some weird pick up attempt I just hate the ticket going to waste So you could take it We�d say goodbye at the Bergen airport, and we won�t even see each other for two weeks until we fly back You could see where your mystery troll came from, see the why are you shaking your head and not even considering? JJ I can�t just go to Norway with you Out of the question LUKAS Why not? JJ One, you�re a self-confirmed mess Two, you�re vaguely �between jobs� which I�m pretty sure means you�re an international jewel thief And three, I don�t even know you LUKAS You don�t have to know me All you have to do is sit next to me on the plane And I�ll be asleep before we take off It�s a free ticket It already has the right name, I can just go online and change the other information LUKAS Here�s my number, call me when you change your mind LUKAS The flight�s tomorrow afternoon KLM with a stop in London Back on January second LUKAS Okay, to be honest, you�d be doing me a favor I�m a bit concerned about traveling alone since my surgery JJ I�m sure, but that�s still not my problem LUKAS I know But you�re gonna love Bergen LUKAS See you tomorrow JJ No, you won�t! BILL So, you�re not going to take the free ticket? JJ Go to Norway with the jewel thief? Me? I don�t even drive downtown if I can help it JJ Besides, I need to work on my dissertation, as you well know Which reminds me I need one more extension BILL A third extension? JJ A third and final extension BILL JJ, I gave you one extension to care for your grandmother, and one extension to recover from her loss But a third? JJ You�ve given three before Remember Bruce last year? He had three Then there was the guy who had the triplets what was his name? BILL But why do you think my choices with others would dictate my choices with you? JJ Are you serious? It�s the week before Christmas I can�t wrap up a dissertation in two weeks! BILL You�ll have to Or reapply to the university and hope you are accepted JJ Why are you doing this? BILL I�ve been more than fair Can you look me in the eye and tell me you�ve been focused on finishing it this semester? At all? BILL Then my mind is made up Unless well, there is one way I might consider giving you the extension JJ What way? BILL You take the ticket and go to Norway for Christmas JJ What? Bill, I can�t do that I can�t You know I�m a homebody BILL I know you think you are Serious question, do you see any irony that your dissertation deals with polar scenarios, and you�ve never been anywhere near either pole? BILL JJ, this is a gift I know this is your first Christmas alone But we both know your life has stalled It�s not healthy So go Embrace this gift You don�t have to stay with the Norwegian fugitive BILL Did you know that Bergen is the birthplace of modern meteorology? BILL Well, it is I always wanted to visit the university there And I wanted to see the northern lights JJ Then you should take the ticket JJ I�m sorry, Bill I didn�t mean it like that BILL It�s okay JJ, the biggest mistake I made in my life was thinking I had plenty of time left to see all the things I want to see Now, just going to a new restaurant is a challenge So, I want you to be my eyes Go to Bergen, have fun, and send me pictures--and then you can have the extension Final offer JJ You were there JJ Do you snore? Because I will elbow you if you snore Also, I want the window seat JJ You really did sleep the entire way LUKAS It�s my superpower Did you get any rest? Nope Why not? Physics JJ LUKAS JJ JJ The surface tension from my body holds the plane up LUKAS This is an interesting theory Have you tested this? JJ Of course and the results are clear If I stay tense on the plane, the plane doesn�t crash Cause and effect So, I�m the reason you�re alive You�re welcome Now, please explain why I have all this duty-free wine LUKAS Alcohol is very expensive here So it�s obligatory to stock up when you come through an airport A national responsibility really If you didn�t, you�d be judged Especially with an upcoming wedding JJ We are in the right place, yes? LUKAS We are Some people say that sign is art Others say it�s a questionable way to spend our taxes I think it�s just Norwegian humor JJ Okay, can you point me to the taxi stand? LUKAS Yes, but may I recommend the bybanen ? JJ The �bee ?� LUKAS Bybanen Our light rail train It�s significantly less expensive JJ Those are the magic words JJ Here you go Enjoy your wine Happy wedding Merry Christmas Thank you for the ticket See you back at the gate in two weeks JJ Good morning LUKAS So, maybe don�t talk to people on the bybanen Maybe don�t talk to anyone you don�t know, actually LUKAS See those people? They�re all waiting for the same bus LUKAS When social distancing became a thing, and they told us all to stand two meters apart, Norwegians asked �why so close?� JJ Is that more Norwegian humor? LUKAS Attempted humor JJ Don�t you have to watch your stuff? LUKAS Nope LUKAS Did you know Norway gives the U K a Christmas tree every year to thank them for supporting us during World War Two? It�s always a spruce, and they put it right in Trafalgar square JJ When were you last home? Didn�t your girlfriend say ten years? LUKAS Not my girlfriend, but yes, ten years JJ Do you really not have to worry about your stuff? LUKAS I really don�t have to worry about my stuff JJ Do you know that man? LUKAS Who? JJ That man over there staring at you LUKAS No JJ You didn�t even look at him LUKAS Nope, I don�t know him LUKAS Okay, we�re here Downtown End of the line Let�s go JJ Where�s your sister? LUKAS Trust me, you�ll hear her coming NORA Lukas! She runs up, pulls him into a big hug We notice she wears a wedding band on her left hand, as if she�s already married Then she sees JJ NORA And you must be JJ! JJ Nice to meet NORA I�m Nora Welcome to Norway! NORA Let me look at you Oh, I quite like the look of you I�m glad you�re with Lukas JJ Okay, clarification I�m not with Lukas I�m just helping him carry all this wine As soon as I give you these bags JJ I�m going to my hotel NORA Oh, okay, good Where are you staying? JJ The Viking JJ What? What�s wrong with the Viking? NORA Nothing It�s just quite far out of town And not on any transportation lines NORA I�ll tell you what Come to my step- daughter�s Christmas show It�s right down the street And then after I�ll drive you to The Viking JJ I don�t want to intrude I can just get a taxi Or find a coffee shop and wait for you NORA Yes, you could But you�re in Norway at Christmas and this is a Saint Lucia show If you�ve never seen that, you should JJ Is that with the NORA Yes! You know it! JJ I remember reading a book about it when I was little and being insanely jealous we didn�t have that custom NORA Then you have to come Mia�s the emcee She�s been practicing for weeks JJ And after you�ll take me to the hotel? NORA And after I�ll take you to the hotel But we have to run We�re late C�mon! Limp faster JJ Is it okay to just leave all our stuff in the car like that? LUKAS Sure It�s fine NORA Come on! You two are what�s it called? Slow pokes? What a weird American expression that is! Where did it come from? JJ No clue NORA Sounds like cowboy talk, right? Git along little doggies! JJ So I thought you said Norwegians are reserved LUKAS Nora lived in Spain for three years It did her irreparable damage JJ This just feels weird, and intrusive And not what we agreed to LUKAS I know My sister�s a tornado But it�s a cute show and my niece, Mia, is adorable LUKAS A taste of Norwegian culture, right? And then we can take you to the hotel MARC Good to see you NORA Marc, this is JJ Marc, my fianc� And Mia�s mom, Sara LUKAS That�s Mia in the front JJ She�s adorable LUKAS I haven�t seen her since they came to visit me in Rome last year JJ What were you doing in Rome? LUKAS Working JJ Really? Lots of priceless art in Rome? LUKAS Not anymore JJ That was absolutely adorable MARC Mia was the best, of course You were the best one MIA Dad! MIA Uncle Lukas! You came! LUKAS Wouldn�t miss it for the world This is JJ JJ Hi Mia You were so good LUKAS She says you were terrible MIA Thank you LUKAS You can just leave those here MARC So how long have you and Lukas been together? JJ We�re not together I just have the same name as his ex-girlfriend JJ So I took her ticket That�s it NORA How did you meet? JJ In a coffee shop He stole my coffee to give to his ex, then spilled my second coffee, then knocked my tests all over the windy sidewalk, then barged in at my work You know, come to think of it, you were legitimately awful NORA Totally on brand This is why no one really likes Lukas MARC I like him NORA Doesn�t count You like everyone MARC Where are you staying in town? JJ The Viking JJ WHAT? What�s wrong with the Viking? LUKAS Nothing, really JJ You all make a face when I mention it I feel like I could ask everyone in this room, and they�d all make the same face too MARC It�s just pretty far out of town JJ But everything in town was already booked for the holidays NORA I have an absolutely brilliant idea! NORA You can stay with our grandmother She lives in a big house, only a block from my dad�s house, where Lukas will be, not that you like him NORA And she�s in You are welcome to stay with her JJ Hang on LUKAS Wait, wait, wait You just texted our grandmother, and she responded? The same grandmother that has never figured out her remote? NORA The very same LUKAS The woman whose VCR clock blinked for our entire childhood because she didn�t know how to set it? NORA A lot can change in ten years Our grandmother has entered the digital age JJ Hang on, please You�re all very kind, but I don�t even know your grandmother NORA Think of it like staying at a B and B And, she has screaming fast wifi JJ So, Lukas told me not to talk to people I don�t know, that Norwegian are slow to warm up to you But now you�re inviting me to stay at a stranger�s house! NORA Tell her LUKAS Okay, the truth is, the Viking is up a steep drive There�s no public transportation, it doesn�t have a sauna and the power goes out a lot LUKAS It routinely fails health inspections The owner is in his s and is clothing-optional And it�s named for the ghost of a Viking who haunts it and enjoys childish pranks JJ So, what�s your grandmother�s name? LUKAS Are you sure you don�t want dinner first? JJ I�m sure I just want to sleep for the next twelve to eighteen hours LUKAS Aren�t your feet cold? JJ A little Hey, how much should I be paying your grandmother? LUKAS Paying? JJ Paying Nora said to think of it as a Bed and Breakfast situation LUKAS Only in the sense that my grandmother has a bed for you and no doubt breakfast tomorrow morning How do you feel about brown cheese? JJ I don�t know what that is But Lukas, seriously, I don�t feel right about this LUKAS Find a way to feel right about it My grandmother will be insulted if you even suggest paying her ASTRID You got old JJ blinks twice at her directness But Lukas just grins LUKAS You look exactly the same LUKAS JJ, this is Astrid, my bestemor JJ It�s so nice to meet you Thank you for letting me stay with you ASTRID Are you hungry? JJ No thank you LUKAS JJ just wants to collapse She can�t sleep on planes, like some people we know ASTRID Probably because she has thoughts in her head, unlike some other people She is in the front bedroom You will carry her suitcase Breakfast is at eight Good night JJ Thank you so much JJ Okay, she doesn�t like me LUKAS Yes she does She�s just Norwegian Besides, look LUKAS She�s got you covered JJ First question What did you call Astrid? LUKAS My bestemor Grandmother It literally translates to �Best Mother � JJ I love that JJ Second question Why are there two duvets on the bed like that? Instead of one big one? LUKAS That right there is the secret to happy Norwegian marriages Everyone gets their own duvet JJ Genius He smiles, lifts her suitcase up on the little stand by the closet for luggage LUKAS All right, sleep well JJ Matching duvets They should call them TWO-veys JJ Stop doing that! LUKAS You made a joke JJ A little one LUKAS No, that was Norwegian humor right there Not even one day in Bergen, and you�re getting funnier JJ Be gone! LUKAS I�m going, but you know I�m right JJ Go! LUKAS You know I�m right JJ Good morning! Astrid nods to her, pours her a coffee JJ Thank you ASTRID Have you had brown cheese before? JJ I have not ASTRID It is made from a mixture of goat milk and cow milk ASTRID It sticks to the roof of your mouth ASTRID It�s an acquired taste JJ Astrid, can I ask you about this? Apparently, my grandmother visited Bergen and bought this troll, which was special to her I didn�t even know it was from Bergen until Lukas recognized the bu bu ASTRID Bunad JJ Bunad I�m trying to track down where she got it, even though it�s been many decades ASTRID And you can no longer ask her? I see ASTRID JJ We were close, but she never told me she came here She didn�t travel Ever Our big vacation every year was renting a lake house near Duluth The one time I asked her about the troll, she brushed me off ASTRID So you want to find an answer, if you can JJ Exactly I know it�s a stretch But do you have any ideas where I should start looking? ASTRID Trolls tend to be more for tourists than locals If she was just visiting, I recommend starting in Bryggen JJ Bryggen? Is that a store or ? ASTRID It�s a shopping center Go out my door, take a left, and head down the hill until you see water Bryggen will be right there JJ Okay, thanks JJ How quickly does one acquire the taste? Asking for a friend CLERK Sorry Most of our merchandise is made in bulk That�s hand carved JJ Any idea where else to try? CLERK There are a few carvers in town that you could ask One is at the Christmas market, for sure JJ Thank you LUKAS Good morning! Are you troll hunting? JJ I am, but that was my third shop, and no luck She recommended I look for local craftsmen at the Christmas market LUKAS That sounds like solid advice JJ Do you want to see something cool? JJ These were waiting by my shoes this morning And I can confirm my toes are quite toasty LUKAS Those are homemade See? She does like you JJ Well, I like her too I was shopping for some of my own, so I can return these to her No? JJ LUKAS No You can buy more, but do not return those Those are a gift To wear forever Like, you should plan to be buried in these socks JJ I�ll add it to my will LUKAS Speaking of my grandmother LUKAS Hello Lukas, this is Astrid, your grandmother, texting you You will buy food for dinner while you are out JJ I kind of adore her JJ That man over there is staring at you LUKAS No, he�s not JJ Yes he is Just like the guy on the bybanen JJ And, he just took your picture Did you steal a Picasso from him by any chance? LUKAS I think it was a Monet, actually Come on JJ What is fiskekaker? LUKAS Fiskekaker Fish cakes You�ll like it Probably If not, we�ll have potatoes and greens JJ Me? LUKAS Yes, dinner is at my grandmother�s house Where you�re staying So you are invited JJ Are you sure? It feels like I�m crashing your family time LUKAS Don�t be weird We�re having Fiskekaker for you Normal Friday dinner is tacos Come here, I want to show you something JJ Tacos? Really? LUKAS Okay, get a bag LUKAS And fill it with whatever candy you want Mix and match JJ Is this heaven? LUKAS It may be Other than my family, this is the single thing I missed the most about Norway JJ I�m seeing a lot of licorice LUKAS A lot of licorice JJ But what�s the rest of it? LUKAS That�s the adventure Dig in and try it all LUKAS So, who is Bill? JJ Oh, he�s the mayor of �it�s not your business� ville JJ Can I ask you something? Nora and Marc are already wearing their wedding rings LUKAS Yes When Norwegians get engaged, we wear our wedding rings on our left hands Then, once we�re married, we switch the rings to our right hands, thus ensuring that we�re considered weird by nearly every other country LUKAS So, Bill isn�t your boyfriend, because if he was, you wouldn�t have left him over Christmas JJ Okay, okay, if you must know, Bill�s the barista at that coffee shop, checking up on us LUKAS Seriously?!? JJ No! Bill�s my department chair LUKAS At high school? JJ At the University of Minnesota I�m finishing my Ph D I was only substitute teaching for the physics teacher, who was out with a new baby Anyway Bill always wanted to come to Norway but he has M S and finds it�s too challenging to travel now LUKAS So you�re sending him pictures? That�s so kind JJ Not really I�m kind of mad at him LUKAS What do you mean? FREDRIK Sorry! JJ That was the most insincere �sorry� I�ve ever heard LUKAS Don�t worry about it JJ Wait, was that related to the people staring at you? LUKAS Yes JJ Want to tell me about it? LUKAS No JJ I told you about Bill LUKAS Not the same JJ Well, maybe I�ll just google you when I get back to the house LUKAS Please don�t It won�t make sense to you out of context Please JJ Okay ACT FOUR JJ Is it customary to have a wedding so close to Christmas? NORA No, that�s all Lukas�s fault We were supposed to get married months ago, but his knee injury sidelined him So we postponed until he was well enough to travel home JJ That�s really sweet, though So your wedding is on the rd And did I read that you celebrate the holiday on Christmas eve? LUKAS We begin celebrating on Christmas eve, but we continue all week JJ That�s really nice By December , we�re kinda over it But, to be fair, we start right after Thanksgiving, so we get five weeks Which is great because I love Christmas JJ What did I say? NORA The word �love � You just reminded us last night, we discussed how hard English is For example, your word for �love � JJ What�s wrong with �love?� LUKAS You use the same word for everything You love chocolate You love your friends NORA You love those shoes in the store window And you love the man you�ve been married to for thirty years JJ Okay ? MARC In Norway, we use different words for different kinds of �love � JOHAN If I love Taylor Swift�s music, I would say Jeg liker Taylor Swift JOHAN What? I�m a Swiftie LUKAS I mean, who isn�t? NORA If I tell a friend I love them, I would say Jeg er glad i deg JJ And what about your partner? LUKAS Yes, we have a third way You would say Jeg elsker deg But that�s very special People don�t say it often NORA Some people don�t say it at all MARC I said it once I figured I would let you know if anything changed JOHAN How long have you and Lukas been dating? JJ Oh, we�re not dating NORA They don�t even like each other LUKAS Well, I like her But JJ Okay, I guess he�s not that bad LUKAS See, I�m growing on her JJ I share a name with his ex- girlfriend--Jessica So when they broke up, he gave me her ticket ASTRID You and Jessi were dating? LUKAS We weren�t dating JJ Yes, you were I literally watched her break up with you LUKAS No, you watched her quit She was my assistant I hired her to run errands and drive me to PT and cook after my surgery You heard her finally get sick of me and resign JJ No Wait You let me believe she was your girlfriend! I take it back, I no longer like him at all NORA To my persistently disagreeable little brother EVERYONE Sk�l! LUKAS Okay, JJ, it�s time for you to try salted licorice, so you can see the dark side of life in Norway JJ Black licorice covered in salt? LUKAS Go big or go home ASTRID It�s an acquired taste JJ The university isn�t far Maybe I�ll go take a picture for Bill He says Bergen is the birthplace of modern weather forecasting So he�s a bit of a fanboy LUKAS I can go with you when we finish JJ So, what are you trying on here? LUKAS My suit I�ve grown a bit in ten years All muscle, of course JJ Oh, of course Same LUKAS It needed some alterations before the wedding I sent my measurements over, but I wanted to try it on LUKAS Do you think it�s okay, yes? JJ Oh yeah All good LUKAS Is that for Bill? JJ Nope LUKAS Do you want to go inside? JJ No, that would be too weird LUKAS So, what does one do with a meteorology degree? JJ Lots of stuff At first, I wanted to be on the news JJ Bundle up before going outside today because an arctic blast will be arriving oh who am I kidding, this is Norway and you all go outside no matter what LUKAS You�re a natural JJ After that, my plan changed to research My paper is titled �Assessing Outcomes in Stratospheric Aerosol Injection Scenarios in Polar Regions � LUKAS That�s not a real thing JJ It IS real And riveting But I�m not sure it�s something I want to keep doing Come on JJ I really enjoyed teaching Which I could have done with my bachelor�s and a teaching certificate, so I kinda overshot that career path LUKAS What did you like about it? JJ I don�t know The gift cards at Christmas are nice She chuckles, thinks for a minute and Lukas waits JJ By the time kids get to high school, they�re so sure they know exactly how the world works I loved challenging them LUKAS How? What did you tell them? JJ Oh, all kinds of things Like, space smells like hot metal Did you know that? LUKAS How do you smell space? JJ You don�t It�s a vacuum But the smell comes in on the astronaut�s suits after space walks And being teens, they were also delighted to learn you can�t burp in space JJ Or, cards Did you know, if you gave every single person on earth a deck of cards and they all shuffled them ten times, statistically it�s nearly impossible that anyone�s cards would be in the same order LUKAS Get out Really? JJ I�m serious The possible configurations are factorial, which is roughly with zeros after it When you hold a shuffled deck of cards, the chances are no one in history has ever held that combination of cards before So FREDRIK Sorry! JJ Tell me about those boys JJ Come on I did my Weather Girl impression Your turn LUKAS Okay, okay You were right I am a thief But I didn�t steal paintings or jewelry I stole something else I stole Bergen�s dreams LUKAS They say Norwegians are born wearing skis, but that wasn�t true for me I was born kicking a football LUKAS Soccer ball JJ I understand LUKAS I was really good And I loved it My plan, no, the whole town�s plan, was for me to play for Brann, then the national team, and finally help Norway win a world cup JJ What happened? LUKAS I fell in love with a woman from Munich I followed her home and went to play for Germany The relationship didn�t last more than ten minutes--I was grieving my mother�s death and maybe my brain wasn�t thinking right But the ink on the contract was dry I played with Germany my entire career until this past spring when I shattered my knee And it was all over JJ Did you ever win the world cup? JJ What? I don�t follow this stuff LUKAS Yes My first year JJ Has Norway ever won? LUKAS Mens? No JJ And this is why you haven�t been home? LUKAS Yep I am dreading--DREADING-- bumping into Anders, my old coach Or anyone from my old team My knee won�t support me running from them with pitchforks and torches LUKAS Don�t underestimate how deep this is Those kids with the ball? They were in diapers when I left JJ I dunno That short one still doesn�t look entirely potty- trained JJ Thank you for telling me LUKAS I don�t know what I�m going to do with myself, now that I�m a grown- up JJ Have you considered a career modeling traditional Norwegian couture? LUKAS Hello Lukas, this is Astrid, your grandmother, texting you You and JJ will bring home the holiday tree today JJ Hey, I appreciate her thoroughness So, let�s get a tree And then, I need to get to work on my paper JJ I have to admit, I�m a little disillusioned LUKAS About what? JJ I thought we�d trek up there in the wilds and chop down our own LUKAS No Those all belong to our grandchildren and their children Most of us buy them pre-cut from farms How about this one? JJ Hang on a sec CARVER I�m sorry CARVER Most carvers put initials or a symbol on the bottom, perhaps But there�s nothing I don�t think this was done by a professional JJ Hi! NORA How�s the paper? I hear you�ve been closed in here for a few days JJ I have But I�m making real progress However, I�m going slightly crossed-eyed, and very susceptible to an alternative offer NORA Let�s go! NORA We call it morgengave Morning gift Brides and grooms give each other something the morning after their wedding Usually jewelry JJ That�s a sweet tradition NORA But Marc�s not much of a jewelry guy, so probably not something for every day He grew up on a farm up north, so he�s practical even by Norwegian standards JJ What about something like this pocket watch? NORA That�s very handsome CLERK It�s nice because it�s not an every- day piece of jewelry It�s special JJ And you could tell him it�s because you met him at exactly the right time NORA Oh, you�re good She�s good Done! Can you box it for me? CLERK Of course NORA Do you have to go back to work? JJ Why? What are you thinking? NORA It�s a big secret I�m wearing my mother�s wedding dress And I�m going to my final fitting Want to keep me company? JJ If Marc is from up north, how did you meet? NORA Because I dated the wrong guy first NORA It was in Barcelona He was so relentlessly passionate �Nora, you are my life, my oxygen � But when I really needed him JJ Let me guess Nowhere to be found NORA Exactly So I moved back to Norway, and swore off men for the rest of my life I took a job up north, and promptly had a car accident JJ Were you okay? NORA Thank you I was fine, but I was alone in the hospital Kinda scared I borrowed a phone from a nurse, and I texted my Dad Except, in my craziness, I reversed two of the numbers and I got a �Who�s this?� message back JJ Oh no! NORA Oh yes I left this terribly sad, feeling-so-sorry-for-myself message on a stranger�s phone! An hour later, this gorgeous man shows up with a soft blanket, a book, and warm socks He stayed with me, then drove me home And I thought if he�s this kind to a stranger right? Okay brace yourself JJ Wow! NORA Are you sure? It�s a �wow� dress? JJ It�s a �wow� dress and a �wow� bride NORA Thank you Anyway, that�s when I realized love is a verb It�s what you do, not what you say Don�t get me wrong, words are nice, but don�t date a Norwegian man if you want �You are my oxygen � NORA So, honest question have you noticed Lukas doesn�t limp when he�s with you? Not anymore JJ He does Wait maybe not NORA I think he�s healing inside, and that�s helping him on the outside JJ Maybe But I wish he felt better about being in Bergen NORA Funny you mention that ASTRID Three more on that row JJ Three? Okay LUKAS I got your text What�s up wait, what are you doing? JJ Astrid�s teaching me how to knit LUKAS And how�s that going? JJ I�m making a franken-sock ASTRID She will learn JJ I will learn The reason I texted can you give me directions to Mixx? Nora asked me to run an errand there, but she said it�s a little tricky to find LUKAS Sure, I can walk you there now, if you�re ready JJ Nora said the owner is giving them a really nice bottle of champagne to drink at the wedding She�s gotta be five places at once, so I volunteered to pick it up LUKAS She�s pulling you into the wedding chaos I knew that would happen BARTENDER Here you are, with our wishes for the bride and groom JJ Thank you so much LUKAS Go, go, go MAT They said Lukas Str�m came back to Bergen But I didn�t believe them LUKAS Hey guys JJ�s leaving now OLIVER She leaves when we say she leaves MAT Lukas, you know it�s time to pay for all you did to us MAT No, I mean pay, as in money Pay us back for what you did You owe everyone in here a drink OLIVER At least one OLIVER Look at your face! C�mon, we get it Who here hasn�t done something stupid for love? MAT Karl�s never done anything stupid for love, but we all know why MARC Welcome to my bachelor party!! It�s two days until the wedding, plenty of time to recover from tonight�s damage MARC My dear, thank you for your service You were impeccable LUKAS You knew? You were in on it!? MARC Couldn�t have done it without her! Want to stick around and watch this unfold? JJ Absolutely not Besides, I�m going troll hunting! Have fun! LUKAS Thank you MARC Look at the bright side, my friend At least you didn�t go play for Sweden! Right?! MAT THAT would have been unforgivable OLIVER All right, first round is on Lukas And then, the second round is on Lukas too MAT Brother, you are finally home EMIL I�m sorry, it�s not anything I recognize JJ Not exactly great craftsmanship I mean, it�s cute, but EMIL Yes, I agree, it looks like the work of a beginner Maybe they didn�t stick with it, and that�s why I don�t know them JJ And there�s no logo or anything EMIL Not on the bottom, but EMIL It�s pretty faded, but look along this ridge Does that look like three �A�s? JJ It does! Oh well done Three �A�s Does that ring any bells? EMIL I�m sorry, no And the carver community here in Bergen isn�t large So I would know anyone with those initials JJ But still, we have a clue! Thank you! EMIL You�re most welcome SUNNIVA Hello Can I help you? JJ I�m sorry Do you speak English? SUNNIVA A little Can I help you find anything? JJ No, thank you JJ My name is JJ I�m a Ph D candidate in Minnesota In meteorology JJ I�m in Bergen for a few weeks, so I just I�m sorry to disturb you SUNNIVA Would you like a tour? JJ They�re doing all kinds of cool research Including BILL You�re going to say Jet Stream studies, aren�t you? JJ That�s exactly what I�m going to say I told them about your work, and they want to meet with you Maybe discuss a sabbatical here JJ BILL JJ I know But Bergen is extremely accessible The University would be accommodating I could help you Just please, think about it Okay? BILL Okay I�ll think about it JJ Thank you I have to go JJ It is alive LUKAS Recovery was easier ten years ago JJ Everything was easier ten years ago LUKAS That is undeniable LUKAS Thank you JJ But your friends still love you? And I mean �the second kind of love,� not the Taylor Swift kind LUKAS They do Especially after I spent enough on alcohol and food to purchase a small villa in the south of France I have to brave the grocery store JJ What do you need? LUKAS My grandmother wants to make her bl�tkake for the wedding Bringing cakes to wedding receptions is a custom here JJ That�s a custom I endorse fully Do they do a wedding cake too? LUKAS Yes, but not like you�re thinking It�s a Kransekake It�s stacked rings ANDERS Lukas I heard you had come home LUKAS This is JJ JJ, Anders My coach JJ It�s nice to meet you ANDERS Please send my congratulations to your sister LUKAS I will I was surprised to hear you�re still coaching ANDERS Well, life�s funny some times JJ Hey, I didn�t see a single pitchfork or torch LUKAS Thing is, JJ, Anders is a good man A great coach JJ Was that the first time you�ve seen him since you moved to Germany? LUKAS No I�ve seen him several times over the years, at various functions or matches He even called me after my knee blew out I ignored him I didn�t know what to say I really messed it all up JJ I used to watch my grandmother bake I wasn�t much help, so I did the clean up ASTRID You don�t speak of your mother JJ My mom was sick as a child, and it echoed through her whole life She never should have had me, but I think she wanted to leave something behind, you know? JJ She passed when I was little I think I remember her I�m not sure, but I like to think I do Anyway, my grandmother took care of me And when the time came, I took care of her ASTRID As it should be JJ My grandmother was always there if I needed her If I was upset, I could dump it all on her, knowing she�d immediately be on my side, even if I was totally wrong ASTRID It sounds like you have a vacancy in your life JJ I guess I do ASTRID Then I have decided I am your bestemor now, if you�ll have me JJ Thank you I accept JJ Oh, I have a new clue in my troll mystery The carver at the Christmas market found three tiny initials AAA JJ What? Does that mean something? ASTRID It may An old friend who lives on Fl�yen might know something ANDERS Astrid, come in Please ANDERS May I get you a drink? ASTRID No thank you Anders, this is JJ ANDERS Of course Lukas introduced us this morning Forgive me for not recognizing you right away JJ Hi, Coach Anders ANDERS Astrid, I was intrigued by your cryptic text How can I help? ASTRID JJ has been staying with me Besides finishing her Ph D and bringing Lukas back to life ASTRID she has been trying to solve a mystery ANDERS If I can help you, by all means JJ When I met Lukas, he commented on a little troll I keep on my desk Lukas told me that my troll came from Bergen JJ I said that wasn�t possible, because it was my grandmother�s dearest possession and she�d never been to Bergen She never traveled But then I found a picture of her in Bergen So apparently she had come here, she just never told me, even though we were really close, She passed recently, so I can�t ask her, and now I�m just rambling ANDERS I�m following you Are you trying to find out where she got her troll? Or why she came to Bergen? JJ Both And Astrid thinks you might recognize the troll ANDERS This troll forest was Florence�s favorite spot Which is why I carved her that troll with a piece of Spruce I found right over there JJ So, the �A�s are you? ANDERS Anders Andre Anderson My parents were dramatic ANDERS That troll was my first and last attempt at wood working I can�t believe she kept it for all these years ANDERS You must have so many questions JJ Why was she in Bergen? ANDERS She had a second cousin here with two children and a third on the way Her cousin was on bedrest, so Florence, who had just finished high school, flew here to help ANDERS It was very kind of her, but I also believe she was eager for an adventure JJ How did you meet? ANDERS It was not love at first sight I played for a local football team She was out for a walk with the two children, and the older one--he was maybe four--ran onto the field JJ Oh no! ANDERS The boy disrupted the match, and I made the mistake of yelling at her to watch her children better ANDERS I know A miscalculation on my part I still have the scars from her ripping me into tiny pieces Right in front of my team mates JJ She could be spicy ANDERS She was magnificent Then, she informed me that I could compensate for my appalling rudeness by taking her out to dinner ANDERS Of course I asked her out And before long we were inseparable I felt like it would last forever But I had to leave for my military service which was mandatory back then And Florence went home ANDERS Military service was two years Then, I played football all over Europe By the time I got back to Bergen, the cousin had moved away This was before the internet, of course I wrote letters, but never heard a reply I always hoped Florence would come back to Bergen someday, but alas ANDERS But I am happy she had a good life A granddaughter she obviously loved so much And I�m delighted she kept my troll for so many years JJ Anders? When did my grandmother leave Bergen? Do you know? ANDERS Oh, that�s easy October th, I reported for service the next day JJ My mother was born on May , ANDERS I have a daughter? JJ Maybe But she passed away many years ago I�m the only one left ANDERS But she was mine, yes? What was her name? Why didn�t Florence ever tell me? Wait, that would make you JJ I can�t answer questions right now It�s too much I�m sorry I�ll walk back ASTRID It�s a long way The funicular is faster JJ I want to walk LUKAS Where�s JJ? LUKAS But why wouldn�t your grandmother tell Coach? JJ Well, it was in Minnesota Different times, right? Being a single mom is hard Even more so then LUKAS All the more reason to tell him, if just for the support JJ I think Coach Anders was going to be gone for years Two years in the military, then he said he played soccer all over Europe LUKAS He did He was with several clubs, before coming home to coach JJ The way he reacted he seems like the kind of man who would have walked away from all of that to be with his family What do you think? LUKAS He would have One hundred percent Especially if his daughter was ill JJ Maybe that�s why She didn�t want to be the reason he gave up his dream That, and she would have been too proud to ask for help Completely in character for her JJ Poor Anders LUKAS Poor Anders JJ He had so many questions when he realized But I just left JJ Do you think he could be my grandfather? For real? LUKAS The timing works, and I can see some resemblance, I guess But, JJ, do you want him to be? JJ I�ve gotten used to the idea that I�m alone But now it turns out, I could have family right here in Bergen It�s crazy JJ What�s up? LUKAS I need you to put on your warmest clothing and come outside JJ It�s midnight LUKAS Just do it JJ Hey, I�m conducting an important experiment here LUKAS Are you warm enough? Here LUKAS There�s an expression--it sounds better in Norwegian--but basically, there�s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing So, please keep your head warm JJ So where are we going? LUKAS To the water JJ Why are we here? I mean, it�s beautiful, but my two-vey was extremely comfortable LUKAS Just wait JJ Is this some kind of Viking ritual? LUKAS Most Viking rituals involved large quantities of alcohol, which I have sworn off of, since last night JJ Your sister is getting married later today LUKAS At which time, I will swear back onto it LUKAS Just wait LUKAS There it is JJ The northern lights! LUKAS We don�t see them often in Bergen, but I heard there might be a show tonight I wanted you to see it JJ Thank you LUKAS I thought, since we�re both feeling a bit lost, the lights might help us both find our way JJ is stunned After a moment LUKAS Do you have your phone? JJ Yes LUKAS Maybe record a video for Bill? JJ How long can we stay? LUKAS As long as you want BILL So this Anders really might be your grandfather? JJ Maybe BILL Huh So what do you want to happen here? How do you see this playing out? JJ I don�t know, Bill I have no plans If you recall, coming to Bergen was not my idea BILL I�m sorry I put you in this position JJ I�m not It�s good for me to be here You were right BILL JJ, I will cherish this moment of validation forever JJ I have something for you I just sent you a video BILL Yeah? Of what? JJ You�ll see I need to go Merry Christmas, Bill BILL Merry Christmas, JJ Be happy JJ Astrid, I�m glad you�re here I�m having a wardrobe crisis I didn�t bring anything for a wedding This is as good as it gets Do you think Nora will kick me out? ASTRID No, but perhaps you�d like to wear this instead? JJ Is this your bunad? ASTRID It was mine But these past few years, I believe it has shrunk in my closet, because it no longer fits me JJ Closets can be tricky like that ASTRID Maybe it will fit you? ASTRID I will wear my mother�s bunad Most of us will wear traditional clothing for the ceremony, then we change for dinner JJ But is it okay for me to wear it? ASTRID Of course JJ I mean, culturally I don�t want to act like I�m suddenly Norwegian and can wear traditional dress ASTRID It is fine ASTRID And perhaps you are suddenly Norwegian JJ Big yikes, Astrid ASTRID Let me know if you need help with the belt LUKAS Look at you! JOHAN Family picture, come on JJ Now all of us, please JOHAN You look so much like her NORA Don�t make me cry already! We haven�t even gotten to the church JJ So what happens next? LUKAS Marc will arrive soon, and then he�ll propose to Nora JJ He�ll propose? I thought this was a done deal Could all of this go sideways? LUKAS You�ll see He�s here now MARC What did I do to deserve you? MARC Nora, please marry me NORA Anything you want to add to that? MARC No, no that pretty much sums up my intentions MIA Please say yes! NORA Should I? MARC Babe, yes or no Any longer on this knee, and I�ll be walking like Lukas NORA Then, by popular vote, yes, I will marry you! JJ What happens now? LUKAS We all walk down to the church, have the formal ceremony, come back, change, and then the fun starts JOHAN And, in conclusion, as I said before, welcome Marc We�re glad you�re here JOHAN And we�re glad you�re family Another cheer--yay, he�s done Except, nope JOHAN And we�re glad you�re going to make Nora happy forever JOHAN I�m done, you can clap now EVERYONE Sk�l! NORA Thank you, Papa NORA I can�t keep climbing on chairs in these shoes! JJ We do this kissing thing at home, but we stay at ground level LUKAS Norwegians like to add an element of danger to everything It�s our Viking blood Speaking of which, I�m up LUKAS Okay, my turn I knew my father would be hard to follow, and I was right I had a hard time following any of it LUKAS When Marc first approached me about marriage, I told him I was flattered, but I couldn�t do that to my sister Then I realized he wanted me to be his best man So, I was a little relieved, and, if I�m being honest, just a bit disappointed NORA Okay, everyone, it�s time! LUKAS The number of rings that break off predicts the number of children she will have NORA Eight! MARC This cake is obviously defective We need a new one EVERYONE Sk�l! JJ I am so full from dinner I don�t have room left for cake LUKAS Here�s the rule with the cake table you don�t stop when you�re full You stop when you�re ashamed NORA I�m stealing my brother for a dance LUKAS But I haven�t had any cake yet! NORA I�m sure there will be plenty left over LUKAS Save me some, okay? JJ This is the most fun I�ve ever had at a wedding And now you have another grandson ASTRID Marc became my family since that day he helped my Nora in the hospital Just like you are my family too JJ I�ve never been a part of a big family before But I think I like it ASTRID Bergen suits you JJ You may be right ASTRID Of course I�m right JJ Thank you for solving my troll mystery, and taking me to see Anders ASTRID I�m grateful to help JJ And thank you for not pressuring me to talk to him ASTRID You will when you�re ready But we already know you have something in common with him JJ What�s that? ASTRID You both loved the same person In a way, that makes you family already JJ Also, in the interest of complete disclosure, I think I�m falling in love with your grandson ASTRID He�s an acquired taste JJ It must have been hard for you to be away for so long LUKAS I always thought I�d be back somehow, that I could make it up to everyone LUKAS But it just never happened I missed my town, but I really missed my family, you know? JJ I do know Because I�m going to miss them too, and I just met them LUKAS Here we go Watch this weird little tradition JJ Okay, that�s bizarre and fun at the same time LUKAS That should be our motto �Welcome to Bergen, where it�s bizarre and fun at the same time!� JJ Does it work the other way too? Like, if Nora leaves LUKAS You�ll have to go kiss Marc, yes JJ I have to go LUKAS Okay, you don�t HAVE to kiss him JJ It�s not that There�s just something I have to do JJ My mother�s name was Andrea I think she was named for you JOHAN Who is ready for more gl�gg? NORA There it is LUKAS Five o�clock It�s officially Christmas MARC Not quite We�re missing one thing MARC Now it�s officially Christmas LUKAS Okay, this is pinnekj�tt You won�t like it JJ Hey, I�ll try it I mean, I ate salted licorice, right? JOHAN That�s our girl NORA Pour her extra gl�gg, she�s going to need it to wash that down LUKAS And this is lutefisk JJ I�ve actually heard people talk about lutefisk NORA Charitably? JJ Not at all NORA No one really likes it, we just pretend to JOHAN I believe Vikings left to conquer other worlds just to find something to eat besides lutefisk MARC Hey, at least we�re not having smalahove LUKAS Don�t google that Trust me MIA Is that the last one? Can we open gifts now? NORA Yes! We can finally open gifts! ASTRID God Jul, Anders ANDERS God Jul ANDERS Some Christmas treats for you all ASTRID You�re very kind ANDERS And I have something for you, JJ ANDERS Florence was learning to knit when she was here She�s wasn�t very good JJ That apparently runs in the family ANDERS She didn�t know how to stop, and she was too proud to ask for help, so the scarf got very long JJ That sounds exactly like her ANDERS I�ve kept it all these years, but I want to pass it along to her granddaughter To our granddaughter JJ But we don�t really know for sure that I am your granddaughter ANDERS I wanted to speak about that I am willing to do a DNA test, if you would like But I don�t need one If you agree to it, I choose you to be my granddaughter JJ I don�t need a test either I choose you to be my grandfather ANDERS Then it�s settled I am your bestefar JJ In that case, I have a gift for you JJ I think it�s time for my grandmother�s troll to go home Anders nods once, accepts the carving He, in turn, hands a small box to JJ ANDERS Then maybe you would like to come home too? ANDERS The key to the downstairs apartment at my house If you want to live there while you finish writing your dissertation, you are welcome ASTRID That won�t be necessary JJ already has a home in Bergen ANDERS You gave her a room, Astrid I�m giving her an entire apartment ASTRID Are you including breakfast? Because I make breakfast for her every day NORA She has a good point there, Anders ANDERS I am willing to negotiate breakfast ASTRID Here, she doesn�t need a car, she can walk to town ANDERS At my house, she can walk to a Troll Forest MARC Sara and I negotiated Mia�s custody agreement faster than this ANDERS Lukas, may I have a word? ASTRID This is a good time for all of you to clean my kitchen NORA May I be excused from clean-up duty? ASTRID On what grounds? NORA On the grounds that I don�t want to do it ANDERS Lukas, I have a gift for you too LUKAS I don�t deserve anything from you, Coach ANDERS Who do you think is mad at you, Lukas? It�s not me It�s not the team It�s not your family The only person mad at you is you ANDERS Please ANDERS I would have followed Florence to the states, if I had known I wouldn�t have looked back Not once So, I cannot judge you LUKAS Your whistle? ANDERS I haven�t retired because I�ve been waiting for you to come home To take over the team You would start as an assistant, of course, until you are ready LUKAS Coach ANDERS There�s no one else I would trust more But I need you to trust yourself ANDERS Think about it JJ Do you think the coaching job would set things right for you? So you could start running toward your life, instead of away from it? LUKAS I think it might Like I�m repaying my debt to Bergen LUKAS Especially when I build us a world cup team JJ I know you�ll do it LUKAS You know I can�t, right? I mean, there are only five million people in my country JJ Sounds like plenty to pick from LUKAS I have a bigger problem I�m thinking about chasing a woman again, this time to Minnesota JJ Oh no LUKAS I know It�s a significant issue JJ What if the woman were to stay here in Bergen? She is rumored to have several housing options LUKAS Staying in Bergen would be my first choice JJ I suppose I better start learning about soccer LUKAS You could start by calling it football JJ What�s this? LUKAS For Christmas JJ But you already gave me socks LUKAS Consider this a bonus gift JJ The Northern Lights LUKAS In case you ever feel lost again You�ll know where home is And how much you are loved JJ Wait which kind of love are we talking about? LUKAS The third kind Of course JJ I see And will you advise me if that ever changes? LUKAS You�ll be the first to know JJ Hey! This man is about to kiss me, and trust me, it�s going to be a top-shelf kiss and I don�t need you boys messing it up JJ Furthermore, you are looking at the new Brann assistant football coach, and if you ever want to have a prayer of joining that club some day, you better shape up FREDRIK I�m sorry LUKAS That was spectacular JJ grins at him, shrugs JJ Teaching high school gives you a certain skill set LUKAS I may need lessons Now come here