ALEXIS AMINA BARRY BERNARD CARISS CRAIG JERRY JP KELSEY MARK NICOLE OMAR SONG KELSEY what are you talking about?! reptiliana could totally take slide in a fight! i mean, first of all, she’s a reptile, so she’s a cold-blooded warrior. and second – look at the muscles! CRAIG slide doesn’t need muscles. he’s got speed. he could run around the world so fast he could turn back time to when reptiliana was just a little baby lizard in an egg! OMAR both arguments seem scientifically sound. JP i couldn’t hear anything over my crunching. CRAIG hmm… time to visit the elders of the creek! KELSEY wait, isn’t it just mark now, since david and barry ditched him? CRAIG time to visit the elder of the creek! CRAIG great ancient wisdom is what we seek! so we call upon you, the lonely elder of the— BERNARD so i can become a dragonborn? MARK of course! CRAIG wait. that… that can’t be… BERNARD whoa! i can even become half-elf, half- human? MARK you sure can, barry—nnnard… bernard! that’s the great thing about role-playing games — you can be anything you want! JERRY i wanna be half-human, half-teddy bear. MARK don’t be ridiculous! you can’t be that, jerry! CRAIG bernard? is this where you’ve been every afternoon? i-i thought you’ve just been crying in your room with your door closed ever since alexis dumped you. BERNARD alexis didn’t dump me! BERNARD after alexis and i… mutually decided to pause our relationship… i ran into mark. MARK i found him cold, shivering in the rain. i provided him with shelter and a hot cup of pizza rolls, and i showed him… the way. BERNARD my whole life, i’ve put too much pressure on myself with college and a career. but mark has shown me that snacks, games, friends… BERNARD these are all you really need. MARK these are all you really need. MARK very good. CRAIG but… w-what about all of those college applications? your friends in the student council? and what about making it right with alexis? MARK look, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, and all i’m saying is… who needs to go swimming? trust me, bernard. would i ever wrong you? BERNARD i dunno, i just met you! MARK and i just met you! now, leave us! for the afternoon is young, and we have character sheets to create! JP well, he seems happy. KELSEY yeah, and at least he’s hanging out with kids his own age. CRAIG yeah, i mean… friends, snacks, games, those are all you need in life… i just want to say something feels weird about this. CRAIG uhhggg… moooooommm! you wouldn’t believe the day i just had! could we have mac and cheese for dinner tonight? NICOLE ooh, that sounds delicious, craig. only one problem… there ain’t no dishes! CRAIG NICOLE not only are the dishes not done, the trash is full, and the backyard hasn’t been mowed, and don’t even get me started on the bathroom! CRAIG but! but! those are bernard’s chores! y’know, he’s probably not doing his work ’cause he’s been playing at the creek! NICOLE i don’t care whose chores they are, they better get done or no more playing at the creek… for anybody. BERNARD alright! heading out! CRAIG where do you think you’re going? BERNARD uhh… the creek! CRAIG not before you do your part of the chores! mom’s about to go balistic! BERNARD wait, you want me to do chores? man, you don’t know anything, do you? BERNARD chores are for suckers. those dishes are just going to get dirty again, and the trash will always get full. oh, and don’t even get me started on hygiene! CRAIG bro. BERNARD now if you’ll excuse me, i’ve got a date with a hobgoblin! CRAIG but… who’s gonna do these chores??? SONG i’m not gonna take a shower today i don’t need to brush my teeth i’m doin’ great don’t wait up because i’m gonna be late so sorry that you had to work while i play games i don’t feel like doin’ stuff i’m not gonna fall in love i ain’t doin’ anything hey! hey! hey! hey! SONG no responsibility that’s the only way to be i ain’t doin’ anything hey! hey! hey! hey! i ain’t doin’ anything! i ain’t doin’ anything! i ain’t doin’ anything! CRAIG enough!!!! CRAIG well well well. look who decided to come home. BERNARD craig! why are you still up? CRAIG oh i could ask you the same thing. that’s an awful lot of cheesy puff dust on your fingers. you’ve been hanging out with those nerds again, haven’t you?! BERNARD so what? we were just having some fun! CRAIG so, you get to have fun while i break my back doing all of your chores! BERNARD it’s my life! you’re not my mom! CRAIG you don’t mean that! don’t you walk away from me, bernard thelonius williams! CRAIG this has to stop. BERNARD BERNARD CRAIG glad you could join us, bernard. BERNARD amina! gibson! …alexis? what are you guys doing here?! CRAIG this is an intervention. i can’t believe i’m about to say this, especially to you, but you’re spending too much time at the creek!! BERNARD oh please! i can stop whenever i want. CRAIG bernard, amina has the talking doll. AMINA okay… so like, bernard, your voice has been m.i.a. in the student council chat. we were supposed to approve the budget for the theater department, but you’ve left all of us on “read.” CARISS yeah, bernard. i’m, like, literally crowd- surfing at this music festival right now, and i’m still finding time to contribute to this intervention. so, like, get your biz together. BARRY hi, i’m barry, and i’ve been mark-free for three months. BERNARD i don’t know you!!! CRAIG bernard, please. barry has the talking doll. BARRY listen, mark always thinks he knows best, but he doesn’t know how to be a friend. i mean, he told me i’d never be able to pull off a tattoo. but check this bad boy out! BERNARD what is that!? BARRY a phoenix cosplaying as a maid! i mean it’s not a real tattoo. i just drew it on. my marker dried up before i could finish the flames. ALEXIS i’d like to say something. BERNARD alexis… i thought you wanted space. ALEXIS just because i wanted space doesn’t mean i don’t care about you. ALEXIS ever since you started hanging around this mark person, you’ve just… stopped caring about anything else in your life: your future, your family, your friends, your… hygiene… oof. bernard, what’s happened to you? BERNARD that bernard is gone. he was taken down by a hobgoblin. ALEXIS what? BERNARD we’ve been spending the best years of our lives glued to books, worried about tests and acceptance letters when we could be having fun! like cariss! CARISS yeeeahhh. BERNARD i just want to have some fun!!! CRAIG that was my last chance. my mom’s gonna ban me from the creek. ALEXIS aww, craig. BARRY ya know, there may be another way to rescue your brother. and i’ll tell you that way after i get another soda from your fridge. MARK my pal, what’s on your mind? you barely touched your pizza roll rice bowl. oh! you must want more mayo! i gotcha! BERNARD i dunno… some friends came over and had this dumb intervention about my future. MARK say no more, my friend. people who bog you down like that should be cut out of your life. BERNARD yeah, but what if they’re right about— BERNARD what was that? JERRY an alpha challenge… CRAIG hear ye! hear ye! BERNARD craig! what are you doing here?! CRAIG i call upon the alpha challenge! if i win, then i become the alpha nerd of elder rock and you all have to do what i say. even bernard! MARK i don’t think you know what you’re gettin’ into, kid. CRAIG nay, it is not i that you shall be challenging, but mine champion! BERNARD alexis? w-what are you doing?! ALEXIS i’m just here for craig. MARK heh, who’s the fake fighter girl? where’d you get that costume, huh? the… uh… halloween store? ALEXIS they call me alexis! vice president of the sga! and i got this armor from the theater department! MARK and i got this armor from the theater department! everyone knows all the cool kids are in lighting! CRAIG listen up! whoever disarms the other first controls elder rock! ready? MARK CRAIG set! CRAIG fiiiiiiiight!!! MARK yaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! MARK MARK where’d you learn to fight like this?! the… fight store? ALEXIS i sat in on a fencing class on a college tour! MARK whoaaaa! BERNARD amazing! CRAIG go alexis! ALEXIS this is pretty fun! MARK look! your boyfriend doesn’t want to be with you! so get over it! ALEXIS my fight is for craig. he shouldn’t have to suffer the error of his brother’s ways! MARK ALEXIS now yield! MARK never! pocket dice! ALEXIS MARK you should have known better than to pick a fight with me. because i… i know what’s best… i know what’s best for everyone! BERNARD you’re right. MARK i am?! CRAIG he is?!! ALEXIS he is?!! BERNARD it’s okay to just want to have fun. running around the woods with toy swords is cool and all. but not if it hurts the people you care about and leaves them stuck at home doing chores or… stranded at the airport. MARK wow, that is so… stupid! ALEXIS aaahh!!! MARK oof! ALEXIS good fight. CRAIG yeah! nar nar’s back! i withdraw my alpha challenge! MARK okay, i see how it is! so when i’m about to win, everyone leaves! everyone always leaves… JERRY i’ll stay until six. MARK get outta here, jerry! BERNARD alexis… i’m sorry. i just got so overwhelmed with college and i got scared of failure… i just wanted to get away from it all. ALEXIS i know. i get a little scared too sometimes. maybe we should take a break. BERNARD wait, what?! ALEXIS i mean together! we’ve worked enough, we deserve to have a little fun. cariss said she could sneak us into the festival. would you wanna go? BERNARD yeah! of course! CRAIG ahem! heh heh, i believe there are some dishes to be done first. BERNARD hah, okay. dishes and then festival. and just so you know— i’m wearing this cape. [Type text]0[Type text]0[Type text]