ALL AUDIENCE BOOKIE CARRINGTON CECILY CHILD CHILDREN CROWD EDMOND GWEN HOBBS JACOB JAMESON LADY_EDGEBURY MISTLETOE MRS_CHELMSWORTH PETER PETERS_MOM THE_QUEEN TOURIST VICTORIA EDMOND Stay in the car. EDMOND Look, I know you may not want to be here, but if you want to be royalty, you have to act the part. VICTORIA Edmond? EDMOND Look at you, little sister, every inch, a handsome princess. VICTORIA Well, someone in this family has to act the part. Look at this tan. Let me guess, Allie's chalet in Cortina. EDMOND Javier's penthouse in Dubai, with a short layover in Soho. You know, holiday shopping. VICTORIA Wise to come bearing gifts. How many Christmases have you missed now? EDMOND Who's counting? Of course, my ma. Well, why isn't she here to greet me? VICTORIA She's ready for the luncheon, as should you be, and I wrote this little yuletide address in case she calls you up. EDMOND I don't need a speech writer. VICTORIA The queen would argue otherwise. You know how she feels about surprises. EDMOND I also know how she feels about gifts. EDMOND She likes them. VICTORIA Edmond, no! She has two already. MISTLETOE VICTORIA Is he even trained? EDMOND No, which is why we hired that new corgi wrangler, right? VICTORIA We hired Carrington two years ago. EDMOND Good. He'll know what to do then. VICTORIA You are incorrigible. Why even come? EDMOND Because Mum called, talking about how the future king should something or other, and I needed to get off the phone, so I said yes. VICTORIA Glad to know you want to be here. EDMOND I want to be at an apres-ski in Davos right now, but here is where I am, so don't be so judgmental. GWEN Welcome back to the "Gwen's Greatest Gifts" episode. I'm here with show-favorite Cecily Bowman, known for her amazing YouTube series all about dog training, and her new book, and her ability to work Christmas miracles, because, just before the break, she taught my dog Milo how to fetch. Milo, Milo, hey! GWEN Good boy. Good boy. I know all my Gwen heads out there are asking, "Where is Churro?" Milo needs a play date. I'm sorry. Is Churro no longer with us? CECILY Oh, no, no, he is. He's just not with me anymore. GWEN Okay, okay, you know, let's shift gears, vroom. So, I hear that you're using the proceeds from the book to start a charity. CECILY Yeah. GWEN Yeah? CECILY Yeah, I am. CECILY So the charity is called Rover Rehab. GWEN Okay, well, back up just a second. I'm picturing a halfway house for dogs. CECILY Okay, you're actually not that far off. So the charity will help dogs with behavioral issues get used to walking freely with other dogs, relieve food aggression, and be kind to all the visitors that are popping in. GWEN Even the mailman? CECILY Well, I'm trying to get dogs adopted, Gwen. I'm not trying to change the world here. Come on. AUDIENCE GWEN Up next, we have the perfect Christmas gift for your in-laws, a candle that filters out telemarketers' calls, which is absolutely something I could use. GWEN How was I? CECILY You were great, yeah. JACOB Cec, you were amazing. You should have seen the look on Gwen's face. She loved when you mentioned Rover Rehab. CECILY Okay, then why do you think she didn't agree to be on the board of directors, or, I don't know, at least make a donation? JACOB Her people said it would be a conflict of interest with her other philanthropic endeavors. CECILY Gosh, I just really thought this was my chance, you know? JACOB Yeah, so we'll find the money someplace else. I mean, there are other multi-hyphenate-billionaire moguls. CECILY Okay, well, what are the chances I'm gonna meet anyone like that again? JACOB Unlikely, but not zero. Now come on. I think someone could use a latte. CECILY Yeah. JACOB I'll get you one too. CECILY Okay. EDMOND You must be Carrington. CARRINGTON It's an honor to have you in my kennel, Your Highness. EDMOND Please, call me Edmond, and there's no need for all that. MISTLETOE CARRINGTON And who is this adorable creature? EDMOND Mistletoe. I thought Mother could use some new blood around here. MISTLETOE CARRINGTON Is he a rescue, sir? EDMOND Well, I saved him from being a prize in a card game, so kind of. Also, he has a terrible poker face. I thought he could meet his new friends. Where are Juniper and Holly? CARRINGTON At the groomers, I'm afraid. EDMOND Great, so you can can get started now. CARRINGTON Started, sir? EDMOND Yes, with the training. Clean him up and discourage the leash biting. Make him presentable to present to the queen at the banquet. CARRINGTON You want me to train him, sir? EDMOND You're a corgi trainer. He's a corgi. CARRINGTON I'm a royal corgi handler, sir, corgis with bloodlines dating back as far as your own. There's a whole binder on lineage if you'd like to see. EDMOND Am I to understand you won't train him because he's not a royal? CARRINGTON There's also his age, sir. At a year old, a dog is untrainable, at least to royal standards. VICTORIA Edmond, there you are! Seriously? You're not even dressed! We're late. CARRINGTON Then I shan't keep you. Is there anything else you need on your visit, sir? EDMOND Don't be so sure it's a visit. EDMOND Come on, Mistletoe. THE QUEEN Last year, the Christmas Ball raised more money than any year previous. I want to thank you and drive excitement for this year's ball by awarding our top donors the St. Nicholas Medal. THE QUEEN On behalf of the Kingdom of Comfrey, thank you for your service. VICTORIA Edmond never showed the slightest interest in being king. Do you think Mother finally got to him? CARRINGTON Could be. I doubt he got sick of traipsing all over the world, juggling women like swords. VICTORIA Those women are more dangerous than swords. They're just after his money and title. CARRINGTON Oh, don't feel sorry for him, Vic. You should be annoyed. You've been carrying his water for years. VICTORIA I rather like it. Charitable events and speeches, refining the royal protocol binders. CARRINGTON Your blinders are magnificent. VICTORIA You said that on our first date. CARRINGTON You said that your family shouldn't find out about us. VICTORIA It's just protocol, Alec. You know the queen is a stickler for rules. CARRINGTON I do, and, as always, I defer to you, my lady. THE QUEEN Oh, lovely to see you. Oh, thank you so much. THE QUEEN You are most welcome. Oh, hello. EDMOND How does she do it? Remembering names, enduring day-long ceremonies, staying after the press. VICTORIA You don't have to do it, you know, Edmond. VICTORIA You saw the corgi binder I sent up to your room? EDMOND I scanned it. It's very well typed. VICTORIA You scanned it? THE QUEEN Oh, do help yourself to some refreshments. Yes, we have some delicious mince pies and turkey and what not. Please, help yourself. EDMOND Excuse me. I beg your pardon. Excuse me. Sorry. VICTORIA Why do I even try? EDMOND I beg your pardon. Excuse me. THE QUEEN Is everything all right? EDMOND Oh, Mistletoe, just, just, just stay. THE QUEEN This isn't one of mine. Can somebody collect him? EDMOND Will you just... CROWD EDMOND Just, Mistletoe, just... Oh, no. MISTLETOE CROWD CROWD THE QUEEN Whose dog is this? EDMOND Yours. Mine. Ours. Merry Christmas. CECILY A royal corgi drawing a buffet? JACOB The royal family of Comfrey. The crown prince got the queen this corgi, and, well, the media has been wondering if this playboy prince is fit to rule for ages. Now it's official. He isn't. CECILY Okay, how do you know all this stuff? JACOB Royal watching. It's an all-encompassing hobby, but full of teachable moments that show us we're all the same. CECILY Okay, well, if we're all the same, then where is my tiara? JACOB Who needs a tiara when you've got royal drama? Take Queen Portia, one of the biggest philanthropists in Europe and a media darling. She just got humiliated by a Christmas gift that she can't give back. CECILY Wait, no, she can't. Okay, that corgi is gonna need a trainer. Jacob, this could be it. JACOB What do you mean by it? CECILY This could be the thing that gets Rover Rehab off the ground. JACOB I'll make a few calls. CECILY Okay. THE QUEEN How many views are we up to now? HOBBS Over five million, ma'am. They're calling it Puppygate. EDMOND Mother, words cannot express how- THE QUEEN No, they can't, Edmond. Tell me, what would you do if you spent the last 30 years working to make Comfrey a premier Christmas destination, only to have your son dismantle it in 30 seconds? EDMOND Mum, I'm sorry. THE QUEEN Sorry won't fix this, Edmond. I was planning to announce your ascension. EDMOND Mum, I didn't know. I mean, it's one puppy video. That's all. THE QUEEN Yes, Edmond, that is all. Aside from all your tabloid exploits, those are the only things your subjects know you for. You need to take this seriously. When I invited you home for Christmas, I- EDMOND I think invited is generous. You literally sent the royal guard. THE QUEEN Somewhere in there, you have all the qualities of a king, kindness, passion, and diligence, but I cannot step down until I see you use them. EDMOND She's right, you know. My subjects hardly know me, and now they must think I'm a fool. HOBBS In all fairness, sir, your mother is surprised you still care. EDMOND Of course I care. I mean, Mum cares, and if it's important to her, then it's important to me. HOBBS Agreed, sir. EDMOND Wait, her speech at the Christmas Ball with the corgis, it's always televised. What if I got Mistletoe up to snuff by then? HOBBS If I may, sir, that feels like a fool's errand. It may behoove you to use this Christmas to get to know us again. Your subjects, your country, your family. EDMOND That's a big ask if I'm already training Mistletoe. HOBBS Are you really using your time wisely, sir? EDMOND You're right. I should hire a private trainer. Good thinking, Hobbs. HOBBS No, that's not what I mean. My Lord! It may prove difficult to find a trainer at such short notice over Christmas, with a high likelihood of public failure. EDMOND Who would want to do that? HOBBS Well, I don't want to encourage your expectations, but apparently someone named Cecily Bowman wants to. EDMOND Huh, great. See, Hobbs? Nothing to worry about. CECILY Thank you. JACOB You packed heels, right? CECILY Wedges. JACOB Riding boots? CECILY Doc Martens. JACOB Ball gown? CECILY A ball gown? Okay, Jacob, I'm going there to train a dog. I don't think I need to get all "Downton Abbey." JACOB Cec, if you want royal backing for Rover Rehab, you're gonna have to blend in and become part of the family. If they trim the tree, you whip out the tinsel. If they're pouring cocoa- CECILY I will get the marshmallows. Come on, Jacob. I did grow up in a family, so I do know how to Christmas. JACOB Not like this, you don't, but never fear. I took a deep dive into the Isle of Comfrey and put this together. Christmas customs, history, corgi lineage, and intel on the Royals. The best section is all about Comfrey's infamous playboy prince, who he dated, how much he's worth, what he likes, and his hobbies. CECILY Okay, Jacob, just going there to train a dog. JACOB But you will need to be seen as more than just a dog trainer. Also an entrepreneur, an entrepreneur they should invest in. CECILY Okay, when did you even have time to, you know what? I don't need to know, and, actually, my car is here. JACOB I'm so jealous. Sorry. Go. Just go, go, go. CECILY I'll call you tomorrow, Jacob. CECILY Thank you. HOBBS Ms. Bowman, welcome to Christmas Castle. I'm Mr. Hobbs, the royal press secretary. CECILY Hi. I thought it was Comfrey Castle. HOBBS Well, shortly after it was built, a festive group of pilgrims were stranded one December en route to the Holy Land. The royal family took them in, and the merry-making that Christmas gave the castle its nickname. CECILY Oh. HOBBS I think I hear your client. HOBBS Ahem, Your Highness? EDMOND Just a moment. 13-year unbeaten streak still intact. HOBBS Your Highness, allow me to introduce Ms. Cecily Bowman. Ms. Bowman, Prince Edmond of Comfrey. CECILY Cecily, Your Highness. EDMOND Please, call me Edmond. I'm glad you saw me win. CECILY So am I. EDMOND CECILY Hi. You must be Mistletoe, huh? EDMOND Will he ever stop barking? CECILY Oh, he's concerned. He just saw you in a sword fight. Come here. Where is his crate at? EDMOND Crate? That's a bit barbaric, isn't it? HOBBS Fairly common these days, sir. CECILY All right, so no crate, I take it. Okay, what about his bed? EDMOND What's wrong with the carpet? CECILY Well, see, dogs need an enclosed space with walls surrounding it to feel safe, you know, like a crate or a large bed, to keep them safe from predators. EDMOND Predators? What kind of castle does she think this is? HOBBS I don't think she's being literal, sir. EDMOND Great, well, now that you two have met, thoughts, comments, concerns? Smashing. The Christmas Ball is in two weeks, so let's check in, say, midweek. I'll leave you to it then. CECILY No, sorry, there's actually no leaving me to it. It's your dog, so you kind of have to be involved. CECILY Did he read the contract? HOBBS He's more of a scanner. CECILY Of course he is. HOBBS I trust the accommodations are acceptable. CECILY I mean, I was a little nervous after that dungeon tour, but, yeah, this'll do. HOBBS If there's anything else, do let us know. CECILY Oh, hi, Mistletoe. Oh. Is he staying with me? HOBBS We thought it might help you bond. Also, he's "canis non grata" in the kennel. The corgi wrangler says he's a bit of a bad apple. CECILY Hm. Okay, well, that wrangler sounds like a bit of a bad apple. Hello, buddy. HOBBS I'm here to help if you need a break, but please do keep an eye on him. He has a bit of a sweet tooth for regency furniture, and he often confuses renaissance rugs for fire hydrants. CECILY Okay. Where do you think you're going? Okay. Okay, Mistletoe. Hey, come here! Come here! Come here! Come here. Come here. Mistletoe, come. Okay. No. No, that pile of quilts over over there, that is your bed. No. Go lay down. Go lay down. CECILY Hey, for the record, I don't think you're such a bad apple. CECILY Hi. Hi. You must be the corgi wrangler. The corgis kinda gave it away. CARRINGTON And you are? CECILY Oh, sorry. I'm Cecily Bowman. I'm actually the- CARRINGTON Ah, the YouTube dog trainer. Alec Carrington. CECILY Super nice to meet you. You know, while I have you here, I was thinking maybe we could arrange a little play date for Mistletoe and Jupiter and Holly. CARRINGTON Uh-uh, Juniper and Holly, and thank you for not touching the royal corgis. CECILY So I heard that you're not the biggest fan of Mistletoe, but I'm just curious. Why exactly won't you train him? CARRINGTON The official reason, advanced age and lack of pedigree. CECILY Okay, and the unofficial reason? CARRINGTON Dogs need a consistent presence. You'll find the prince, while many wonderful things, is not that. VICTORIA Someone's used to being the only trainer in the castle. CECILY Seriously. Sorry. I'm Cecily Bowman. Your Majesty. VICTORIA Highness, but Victoria works. CECILY I've never met a princess before. VICTORIA I've never met a celebrity dog trainer, so I guess we're even. You can stop bowing. CECILY Okay. Are you the one that arranged all of that? 'Cause it's really, really lovely. VICTORIA Thank you for noticing. Perhaps others will too. Mother, this is Cecily. She's the dog trainer that Edmond hired. CECILY Your Majesty. THE QUEEN What is she doing? VICTORIA I believe that's a curtsy. She's trying. THE QUEEN Oh, no need for that, dear. We're all just glad you could attend. EDMOND Victoria, do you know why I can't- CECILY Oh! EDMOND Oh, Ms. Bowman, I didn't know you were coming. CECILY Yeah, Hobbs took Mistletoe and said that I should get a taste of a real Comfrey Christmas. VICTORIA What are your thoughts so far? CECILY Well, judging from today, I'd say I'm in for a very special holiday. EDMOND Absolutely. There is nothing quite like a Christmas in Comfrey. That's a thing people say. I haven't been back for years. You know, Mistletoe really does need a lot of attention. You may want to get some rest. CECILY Oh, with him as a roommate, I don't think that's gonna happen. THE QUEEN Oh, Edmond, you didn't. CECILY Oh, no, no, it's fine. It's okay. I like him. Actually, I already taught him to heel, so I'm hoping that, maybe by tomorrow, we can work on sit and possibly roll over. VICTORIA No stay? CECILY You know, surprisingly, stay is the hardest thing to teach someone. VICTORIA Well, I do hope you enjoy your stay with us. EDMOND You seriously taught Mistletoe how to heel? CECILY Yeah, yeah, I'm excited to teach you. EDMOND That's okay. I won't be needing to learn that. CECILY Your Highness, I don't train dogs. I train people to train their dogs. EDMOND Oh, I didn't agree to be trained. CECILY Yes, you did. I'm gonna need you to re-read that contract, 'cause I base my success on my client's success, which is both dogs and, well, humans. EDMOND Your point, Ms. Bowman? CECILY Well, either you agree to go to all the sessions or I'm on the next flight home. EDMOND You said sessions, as in plural? CECILY Yep, because you are required to be at all of them. CECILY Well, per your suggestion, I think I'm gonna get some rest. We have a very early start tomorrow, so. Oh. Yeah, I'm just not gonna do that anymore. Okay. THE QUEEN Well, someone put Edmond in his place. EDMOND So, where do we begin? CECILY From the very beginning. So we're gonna start with owner focus. What you're gonna do when you enter a space is you're gonna block his view with your body, lock eyes, and get a hundred percent of his attention. Good boy. Good boy. EDMOND Why would I do that? CECILY So that he knows that you are his person. EDMOND Well, can't I just give him a treat or something? CECILY I mean, yeah, you could, but then you'd be the prince that walks around with a bunch of dog treats all the time. EDMOND Sorry, what were you on about? CECILY Dog training, because, clearly, you need to learn how to. So, shall we continue? Go ahead. Your turn. Give it a try. CECILY Get him. EDMOND Mistletoe? CECILY All right, so I presume you know how to fetch. EDMOND No, but I know how to throw. Isn't fetch his job? Mistletoe, get the Frisbee. EDMOND Okay, Mistletoe, come back. Mistletoe, come back. Mistletoe! Mistletoe! Where's the Frisbee? CECILY Well, first, you told him to go get it, and then you told him to come back. So, technically, that's two commands. EDMOND Well, he forgot one. CECILY Okay, so focus on the one that he didn't. EDMOND You know, I need a trained corgi by the Christmas Ball. CECILY You can't think of it like that. No, you gotta think of it like you are bonding with a creature that thinks that you are the most important person in the world. EDMOND Okay, well, I could see why he would think that. CECILY And he will too once you start addressing his basic needs. Oh, hey, it looks like you have the chance to address one right now. EDMOND You're enjoying this, aren't you? CECILY No. No, uh-uh. I'm just gonna go get some water. EDMOND What? CECILY CARRINGTON Come. Come. Stand. Stay. VICTORIA Why didn't you respond to the tree trimming emoji I sent? CARRINGTON Because I'm not going. VICTORIA Why not? It's a Christmas gathering. We should be together. CARRINGTON Showing up together would be a distinct statement we are a couple. VICTORIA Are we not? Oh, Alec, you're not still afraid Mother won't approve? CARRINGTON Not afraid, though she did think Lord Dalrimple was too low-born for you. VICTORIA Darling, Lord Dalrimple was 11. CARRINGTON He was rude. I do want to be with you, just without all the whingeing. What if your brother- VICTORIA He's never had an opinion on anyone I've dated before. CARRINGTON He's never been around long enough to form an opinion, and if he becomes king- VICTORIA He only came home because Mother guilted him. CARRINGTON But if he becomes king, the power changes everything. There's only one ruler who would approve of us, and I'm looking right at her. CARRINGTON Juniper and Holly rest soundly, my queen. Shall there be anything else? THE QUEEN No, thank you, Carrington. That'll be all. EDMOND Did I ever tell you about my 24th birthday in Crete? CECILY No. Was it wild? EDMOND Dunno, I don't remember. CECILY Mistletoe, come on. VICTORIA Edmond! LADY EDGEBURY Oh, and he's brought the dog. VICTORIA Glad to see you're taking this dog training thing seriously, brother. Cecily, I'm so glad you could come. CECILY Well, thank you for having us. THE QUEEN Come now. We have plenty of ornaments to hang on the tree. EDMOND Why is Father's favorite heirloom here? THE QUEEN Oh, that shouldn't be here. Oh, that's a carving of St. Nicholas in the 16th century. EDMOND Aka Santa. THE QUEEN CECILY Let me see it. Okay, he is so skinny. Come on. LADY EDGEBURY It's like Edmond when he was in his school play of "The Billy Goats Gruff." EDMOND I was nine. Can we not? CECILY I didn't know that you were an actor. I am very impressed right now. EDMOND Oh, okay. Enough about me. We all know why I'm here. I'm a prince. Yeah, let's talk about you. Tell us, why are you here? CECILY Okay, well, I walked dogs to pay for college, and then I used what I learn in psych class on the dogs, and then, after I graduated, I started making videos while I was working at a shelter, and they took off, and now I'm here. EDMOND Must be nice choosing your own path like that. VICTORIA As opposed to having it laid out for you like us? EDMOND I didn't say that, but I suppose it was implied. THE QUEEN It wouldn't be Christmas without these two. EDMOND THE QUEEN Oh, Hobbes. What a pleasant surprise. HOBBS Forgive me for interrupting, ma'am, but I have a bit of a fire to put out. Euro TV want to broadcast your Christmas address at the ball. THE QUEEN How lovely. Think of all the tourism it'll bring in. HOBBS And how nice it will be to show your elegance to the continent. Unfortunately, Euro TV have seen the Mistletoe video and they wish to have Mistletoe in attendance. THE QUEEN Well, Edmond will just have to have him trained by then. HOBBS I will make it so, Your Majesty. THE QUEEN What would I do without you, Hobbs? HOBBS Is there anything else, ma'am? THE QUEEN No. No, I don't think so. CECILY Oh, okay. Just act normal. Otherwise, he's gonna think that we're playing a game right now. EDMOND Mistletoe, this is unacceptable! CECILY No, Mistletoe. Mistletoe. Drop it. THE QUEEN Oh! CECILY Your Majesty, I am so, so sorry. CECILY Did you have to go after the 16th century heirloom? We really blew it, huh? CECILY Come in. HOBBS Ah. This just arrived. Edmond ordered it for Mistletoe, so I thought I'd drop it off. CECILY Not exactly sure that Mistletoe deserves a gift right now. HOBBS Oh, sure he does. It is the season of giving, after all. CECILY Hey, Hobbs. I've just been wondering, the other corgis, who do they belong to? HOBBS They're family dogs. No one royal claims to be the master. CECILY Well, I mean, I'm sure that that's the official policy, but, come on, we both know that dogs have their person, right? HOBBS Well, I like to think Juniper's fond of me, but then I'm the fun one in the castle. Victoria feeds the fish, so I suppose they favor her, but Holly is the queen's, the last gift the king ever gave her. CECILY Oh. I guess now I understand why Edmond thought that Mistletoe would be the perfect gift for his mom. Trying to follow in his father's footsteps, huh? HOBBS Yes. The prince is more sentimental than the tabloids lead on. Good night, milady. CECILY Hobbs, if one wanted to find the prince, where might he be? CECILY Hey, can I come join you? EDMOND Of course. This is the spot to be when humiliated. I'd come here when I thought mother was angry. It's my kind of fortress of solitude. CECILY Oh, wow. Hey, look at all these books. Okay, now this is 10-year-old Cecily's heaven. I was really cool when I was a kid. I read a book a week. EDMOND Did you have a favorite? CECILY Oh, yeah. "Charlotte's Web." EDMOND I think I have that one. CECILY Yeah? EDMOND Not that I'd be able to find it. I've hardly been in here for years. CECILY Oh, no, just to place the old championship fencing trophy, or a first place medal, I assume. EDMOND Well, once my trophy room was full, I had to put them somewhere. CECILY Hey, I'm really sorry that I let Mistletoe out of my sight. EDMOND Please, please, don't blame yourself. I'm the one that brought Mistletoe. Please, sit down. CECILY Well, that is true. Sorry. EDMOND I thought it'd be a lovely gift. Something my father would do, a kingly gesture. CECILY It must be hard to live up to a legend like that. EDMOND Is it? I could have sworn I was doing great. CECILY It was really nice of Hobbs to offer to watch Mistletoe for me tonight. EDMOND Indeed. Hobbs is truly one of a kind. He's been there for us through thick and thin, especially since my father died. CECILY Geez, that must have been really tough. EDMOND No, I was 13. It didn't shatter me at all. It got me out of maths for a week though, so it wasn't all bad. CECILY Well, I'm glad that you handle it so well. EDMOND We really shouldn't be laughing about this. Your parents? CECILY No, my mom, she passed four years ago. EDMOND I'm so sorry, and your father? CECILY He met someone, took her on a Christmas cruise, and I didn't really wanna crash their first vacation together. EDMOND Look at us, both with absentee fathers at Christmas, for different reasons, mind you. I'll never be the king my father was. CECILY Maybe not, but you'll still be king. EDMOND Hurray, the least qualified monarch ever. Thankfully for me, Mistletoe may have taken me out of the running. CECILY Oh, well, I mean, it does kind of sound like that would all be forgiven if you got to know your subjects. Wait, how did the queen put it? You find your event. EDMOND Do you have an idea for one? CECILY No, no, no, no, but I could help you brainstorm if you want. EDMOND It feels like you already have an idea. CECILY Okay, okay. Do you remember when I told you that I started a charity? Well, it's called Rover Rehab, and we- EDMOND Sorry, what? It's called Rover Rehab? CECILY Yeah, okay, yes, I have heard all of the jokes before, but we socialize and we train adult dogs to, you know, help them get adopted. EDMOND Hm. Do you have any openings for an excitable dog that can't stay out of the news? CECILY Are you applying? EDMOND Very funny. Speaking of socializing, I have an event I must attend tomorrow, so maybe you and Mistletoe could come. CECILY I thought Prince Edmond didn't attend events. EDMOND Oh, he doesn't. CECILY No? EDMOND But it might be fun if we all go. CECILY Yeah, I mean, we could use it as our training for tomorrow. EDMOND Yes, training. Great. All right. Good night. CECILY Good night. EDMOND Oh, "We take to the breeze, we go as we please." "Charlotte's Web." CECILY Nice. EDMOND You might have some luck in the corner there. If not, there's a first edition of "A Christmas Carol" you might enjoy. CECILY Okay. EDMOND Merry Christmas. TOURIST Merry Christmas. EDMOND Can you make him stop? CECILY He's protecting you. It's a good sign. EDMOND Hi there. Please. Merry Christmas. CROWD CECILY Oh, that was a really good correction. EDMOND Thank you. CECILY Looks like you might have a trained dog on your hands. EDMOND I don't think we should get ahead of ourselves yet. CECILY Yeah, probably not. CECILY Good boy. EDMOND Hi there. Merry Christmas. I see you're a Mistletoe fan. TOURIST Thank you. EDMOND Of course. CECILY Okay, if your goal was to have more exposure for Comfrey, then I would say mission accomplished. EDMOND Maybe Mistletoe should be king. CECILY Or you could use his notoriety to kind of help you out. PETER Mum, it's Mistletoe! EDMOND What's your name? PETER Peter. EDMOND I'm Edmond. PETERS MOM Your Highness! Oh, he must have watched Mistletoe's video a hundred times this month. EDMOND I'm both flattered and embarrassed. It's nice to meet both of you. PETER Can we get a picture with you? EDMOND Of course. PETER Wow, the kids back at the home are never gonna believe this. EDMOND I think we can do better than a photo. PETERS MOM Your Highness, you're too kind. EDMOND Of course. Everyone deserves a merry Christmas. CECILY Mistletoe, come here, bud. MRS CHELMSWORTH Well, look who's back! Hello, Peter. Are you here for a visit? PETER And I brought Prince Edmond, and he brought toys! MRS CHELMSWORTH Children, come. See who's here. EDMOND Hello. We hear great things about you from Peter. Hello, everyone. Merry Christmas. CHILDREN Merry Christmas! EDMOND I've brought some gifts. So, I have a bike here for Jameson. Oh, here you are. JAMESON Wow. EDMOND Merry Christmas. JAMESON Thank you. EDMOND No worries, and I have a scooter here for Molly. Hi, Molly. Are you the scooter star? CECILY Here, Mistletoe. Come here. EDMOND Wow! Well done, Molly. Hm, I wonder what this could be. EDMOND I'm quite good, you know. Would you like to see? CHILDREN Yeah. EDMOND Okay, come with me. You'll be on my team. I'm gonna run to the hoop and then you throw it to me. There we go. Whoa! Whoa, whoa! How did he do it? How did he do it? EDMOND Come on! CHILD Do it again! EDMOND Again? CHILDREN Again! EDMOND Okay, same one. MISTLETOE EDMOND Thank you, thank you, thank you. Good shot. Good shot. EDMOND At least we know he's good with kids. CECILY Honestly, he's not the only one. EDMOND I think this might have been the best day I've had in a while. CECILY Yeah. Okay, well, installing that regulation basketball court, now that was a really nice touch. EDMOND Was it too flashy? CECILY No, no, not at all. Okay, except when you dunked. Now, that was a little, "Oh, I'm a prince." "I'm so cool. I have so many talents." EDMOND So what? I have many talents I don't talk about. CECILY Oh, yeah? EDMOND Biking, music, art. CECILY Oh, not to mention fencing. EDMOND Guilty as charged. CECILY Well, it's fancy sword fighting. I mean, what's not to love? EDMOND Exactly, and as a six-year-old boy, given the choice between dancing lessons and fencing lessons, I chose the latter. CECILY Well, I'm sure your mother was a little disappointed. EDMOND Well, my father loved it. He never missed a single one of my tournaments. CECILY Oh, that's really sweet. EDMOND And slightly irresponsible, to be honest. He skipped a European peace council to see me fence in Hong Kong. Almost caused World War III. CECILY Wait, really? EDMOND At least that's the way he told it. CECILY CECILY Uh, well, thank you for today. CECILY Okay. EDMOND Oh, Cecily? CECILY Yeah? EDMOND We should go to dinner tomorrow evening. CECILY We should? Oh, yeah, to talk about dog training and all that. EDMOND Sure, the training and whatever else we wish to discuss. CECILY Are you asking me on a date? EDMOND No, I just thought, after a full day of training, we could go to dinner and have a nice time. CECILY Oh, yeah, we could go to dinner and have nice time. EDMOND Precisely. CECILY Yeah, that sounds like a date to me. EDMOND I suppose it does. CECILY Well, I would love to. EDMOND Grand. CECILY Good night. Come on, Mistletoe. Let's go. THE QUEEN Is it true? EDMOND The last time you opened with that line, I just called off my wedding to Lady Cykes. THE QUEEN Lucky day for us all. No, I mean your visit to a foster home today. EDMOND Well, everyone should enjoy Christmas. THE QUEEN I am curious to know how you plan to pay for a basketball court, though. EDMOND I sold the Ferrari to Allie. THE QUEEN Oh. EDMOND It's funny. The kids liked the gifts, but they really loved Mistletoe. THE QUEEN Ah, yes. Everyone loves Mistletoe. In fact, Euro TV loves him so much, they've decided to broadcast my address at the Christmas Ball. EDMOND And they want Mistletoe to be there. THE QUEEN Indeed, and I never would've thought your plan to train that dog in two weeks was possible, but, lately, I've seen a lot of things I didn't think were possible, like a certain prince spending a whole day doing charity work just like his father. EDMOND Thanks, but I'm not Father. He was the king this country needed. THE QUEEN And you'll be the king this country deserves. They want to love you, Edmond. Let them, hm? THE QUEEN Oh, and carry on reading whatever it is you didn't want me to see. EDMOND Mum. CECILY Hey, are these earrings too much? JACOB Stop yourself. Cec, you're going on a date with a prince. Accessorize responsibly. CECILY Okay, no, you're right, you're right. Although I'm sure Edmond would make some kind of clever comment about them. JACOB Hold on. Have you caught feelings for the Internet's most eligible royal? CECILY No. No. JACOB Hey, I won't CECILY Okay, I'm hanging up now. CECILY Don't look me like that. It's the outfit, isn't it? You're right. I'll go change. EDMOND Well, I feel underdressed, Ms. Bowman. CECILY EDMOND Shall we? HOBBS Sir, you're not going into town, are you? EDMOND That's the plan, Hobbs. I even made a reservation. HOBBS Yes, I know, under your own name, which is why I'm getting reports that the paparazzi are everywhere. CECILY Paparazzi? Oh, that's right, you're a prince. EDMOND Are they seriously still interested in my dating life? HOBBS More than anyone should be. CECILY So, rain check on dinner then? EDMOND No. A change of venue. Come with me. CECILY You know, I think I like this better than going out. EDMOND Me too, and we're making a classic Comfrey cottage pie. CECILY Ooh. You don't cook much, do you? Okay, here, let me help you. Okay, just push and then roll. EDMOND Okay. CECILY Yeah, like that, mhm. EDMOND Push and then roll. CECILY Push and then roll. EDMOND Mhm. CECILY Okay. CECILY That's good. EDMOND Okay, that is helpful. CECILY Well, it is a skill, and I did work at a pizza shop all through high school, so. EDMOND A pizza shop? CECILY Mhm, yeah, it was in Brooklyn, which, if you're ever in New York, you have to try it. EDMOND It's that good? CECILY Yes. Oh my gosh. I don't think there is anything better than a real slice of Brooklyn pizza. EDMOND Let's hope the Comfrey version of cottage pie can compare to your Brooklyn slice. CECILY EDMOND Brooklyn slice. I've eaten this every year for Christmas, but I don't think I've ever actually made it. CECILY Oh. Okay, it's ready. EDMOND Okay. CECILY Let's go. EDMOND Here we go. CECILY Okay, so tell me. What is the best Christmas gift that you ever got? EDMOND The best? CECILY Mhm. EDMOND Easy. When I was 12, the king gave me a puppy. CECILY Oh. EDMOND A corgi. EDMOND We're nothing if not on brand. CECILY Okay, was it a boy, a girl? I want the name. I want the details. EDMOND Okay, I named her so don't laugh. CECILY Okay. EDMOND I called her Crumpet. She was there for me when my father died. The best friend I ever had. Wow. That is sad. Okay, you can laugh now. CECILY No, no, why would I laugh? I mean, all of my best friends are dogs, so. EDMOND Makes sense, doesn't it? CECILY Yeah. EDMOND In your line of work. EDMOND What's the name of the dog on your book cover? CECILY Oh, that's Churro. Yeah, he's a lab. I actually met him when I was working at a dog shelter, and I wound up dating the guy who adopted him, so I just kind of figured that he was both of ours, but, when we broke up, he didn't exactly see it that way. EDMOND I'm sorry. Where's Churro now? CECILY On a ranch in Wyoming. EDMOND That's good, no? CECILY I mean, I guess it would be better if I actually got to see him. EDMOND Okay. Come on. Enough wallowing. Come on. Trust me. CECILY EDMOND You're gonna have to let me lead. CECILY Okay. EDMOND It's gonna be a struggle for you, I think. There we go. CECILY Oh. EDMOND Nice, no? EDMOND Still, yeah. CECILY Oh, no. EDMOND Let me lead. CECILY Okay. EDMOND There we go. CECILY Are you telling me that you didn't take dance lessons? EDMOND I haven't. CECILY Really? Then what are we doing? EDMOND This? It's just fencing without the swords. CECILY Um, is Comfrey cottage pie supposed to be smoking like that? EDMOND Uh, no, no, no. CECILY No. EDMOND We should do something about that before it sets off the alarm. The guards will go mad. Here, waft, waft, Cecily. Yes, waft. CECILY Okay. EDMOND Waft like you've never wafted. THE QUEEN Oh, that's a fetching ensemble. CECILY You know, as soon as I found out that we were going on a hike, I nearly put on my yoga pants, but, luckily, Victoria steered me straight. THE QUEEN Yes, she's good at keeping things on course. EDMOND She is, isn't she? THE QUEEN Oh, welcome to the royal family Christmas hike. Will you do the honor, Hobbs? HOBBS Certainly, ma'am. The castle high grounds is home to Comfrey's world-renowned wishing tree. Every Christmas, the royal family take a hike to the tree. VICTORIA And then we make a wish and tie a ribbon around a tree branch. THE QUEEN Well, shall we remove the leashes before they scare all the wildlife away? THE QUEEN Oh, all that worry about pedigree, and, look, they're fast friends. CARRINGTON What are we waiting for? We have a tree to tie a ribbon to. CECILY Are there a lot of birds in Comfrey? THE QUEEN No, not too many. If there were, Edmond wouldn't be away so often. CECILY Okay, that's pretty funny. THE QUEEN Thanks you, dear. It's nice to have a fresh audience. Well, you've been spending quite a bit of time with Edmond. What do you think? Would he make a good king? CECILY Oh, I mean, I'm hardly qualified to say. THE QUEEN Stop. Don't dance around it. I'd like your honest opinion. CECILY I think that Edmond would be great at whatever he applies himself to. THE QUEEN Very diplomatic. CECILY Honestly, the last thing in the world he would ever want to do is disappoint you. EDMOND You know these woods well, Hobbs. HOBBS Your father and I lived in these woods when we were young. I know these woods better than I do the castle. EDMOND That's right. I always forget. You knew him longer than anyone, even my mother. I wish I could have asked him more questions before he passed. HOBBS That sounds like something you could tie onto the tree. In lieu of that, if you want a poor substitute, you can always try me. EDMOND Would he have wanted me to plow ahead with something, even if it wasn't what I wanted? HOBBS He would've wanted you to forge your own path, Edmond, whatever that may be. THE QUEEN There she is. The legendary wishing tree of Comfrey. I hope you all have your wishes ready. I know I do. Go ahead. CECILY All right. What did you wish for? EDMOND My papa always said one cannot reveal their wish or it might not come true. CARRINGTON I'll take my chances. I wish the royal corgis weren't chasing each other around in sap and mud. CECILY EDMOND Okay, there you go. There you go. There you go. CECILY Hey. EDMOND You can have a shake if you want. CECILY Okay, I think I should have wished for what Carrington did. I mean, look at this water. Oh my gosh. Could you have gotten any dirtier if you tried, buddy? EDMOND I don't think he was trying. It's just a bit much, isn't it? CECILY Yeah. EDMOND The ball is four days from now. Do you think he'll be ready? CECILY Yeah, I think he'll get there, but the big question is, can you? EDMOND That is a big question, isn't it? CECILY Of kingly proportions. EDMOND Speaking of which, I had something I wanted to run by you. THE QUEEN Well, that was fun, wasn't it? VICTORIA Absolutely. THE QUEEN Fresh air, bright sunlight. Oh. EDMOND Mama, I had an idea on our hike. How would you feel about an annual corgi darby? VICTORIA You're joking. That is- THE QUEEN An exquisite idea, Edmond. MISTLETOE THE QUEEN Even Mistletoe agrees. ALL VICTORIA I suppose it could be fun. Let's put it in the books for next year. EDMOND Why not this year? VICTORIA How would you find space, get vendors, sponsors, dogs, before- EDMOND Wednesday. THE QUEEN Is that when you want to do it? EDMOND Yes, but we need all your help, but we can get started if you give the go-ahead. CECILY Yeah, we already have the website all set up to place bets. THE QUEEN Bets, as in monetary? EDMOND All proceeds are going to a fund for foster youth. CECILY It was all Edmond's idea. EDMOND Well... VICTORIA That's wonderful. THE QUEEN Of course it is. You had me at corgi darby. MISTLETOE VICTORIA Why are you so upset? CARRINGTON I miss you. VICTORIA Well, I'm sorry. I've been so busy with the festivities. CARRINGTON And I suppose you didn't need my help? VICTORIA Don't be jealous. CARRINGTON I'm sorry. I just wanna be there for you. You are the future queen, after all. VICTORIA We both know Edmond's next in line for the throne. CARRINGTON But you deserve to be. VICTORIA It's not about me. It's about the kingdom. CARRINGTON Of course. That's what's important. You deserve to be queen. VICTORIA Oh, Alec, you're very sweet. If only it were that easy. CECILY Oh, good boy! HOBBS They are quite regal, aren't they? EDMOND Cecily, I need you. Your help with the darby. Could you help me put on the pinnies? CECILY Yeah, yeah, sure. I'm right on it. Here. HOBBS Oh, oh, okay. Hello, young sir. Aren't you the sweetest thing? Do you have a name? No? How about Bronman? I like it too. VICTORIA Step right up and place your bets for charity! BOOKIE Turnaround number six, Mistletoe, two to one. VICTORIA That's better. CECILY Hi. Your Majesty, is it okay if I take Mistletoe back? He just needs his race number. THE QUEEN He's still lucky number six? CECILY As you requested. THE QUEEN Normally, I deeply discourage gambling, but, for a good cause, it's so much fun. CECILY It is. Come on, Mistletoe. THE QUEEN Good luck! CARRINGTON You can draw all the straight lines you want. It won't work. They're herding dogs. They run in circle. CECILY Yeah, I think that's kind of the point. CARRINGTON Well, I don't care what you think. You are not the royal trainer. I am. CECILY Okay, hold on. Are you afraid that I'm gonna steal your job? CARRINGTON Nonsense. I'm part of the family. CECILY Oh, is that why you're sweating? EDMOND At the ready! EDMOND Juniper, faster, Juniper! Come on, Mistletoe! CECILY Come on, Holly! CROWD VICTORIA Holly, Juniper, come on! EDMOND Come on, Mistletoe! VICTORIA Come on! EDMOND Come on, Mistletoe! HOBBS Come on, Holly! CECILY Oh, come on, Mistletoe! Come on, buddy! HOBBS Come on! Come on! VICTORIA Holly, Juniper! VICTORIA Come on! EDMOND Come on, Mistletoe, come on! VICTORIA Go, Mistletoe! CECILY Yes! VICTORIA Mistletoe wins! EDMOND Yes! Good job. CROWD CECILY Good job! CHILDREN Mistletoe! EDMOND Bye, guys. CECILY Bye. EDMOND You did so well, Mistletoe. CECILY Oh, good job! EDMOND So well. HOBBS Ma'am, hot chocolate? THE QUEEN Oh! THE QUEEN You really are spoiling me, Hobbs. HOBBS Careful. It might be a bit hot. THE QUEEN Cheers. HOBBS Cheers. THE QUEEN Didn't he do well? HOBBS He did. He did indeed, ma'am. THE QUEEN I think he's coming into his own. HOBBS Do you think? THE QUEEN Yes, I think he's rather happy with that lady. CECILY Kinda looks like someone's ready to be king. So why do you look so upset? EDMOND I wanna feel this way every day. CECILY Oh, I'm sure they're gonna have another derby again next year. EDMOND It's not because of the dog. VICTORIA We have numbers! We have numbers, 20,000 crona and counting. CECILY How much is that in dollars? What? Edmond, that's amazing! That many people placed bets? That's gonna send so many kids to college. Oh my gosh! EDMOND He put a paw on each of us. CECILY I think that means he thinks that we're both his person. Hey, I have a question that I've just been meaning to ask you all day. EDMOND Yes? CECILY Is it derby or darby? EDMOND It's darby. CECILY Darby? EDMOND Derby. CECILY Derby. CECILY Darby. EDMOND Derby. Darby. CECILY Derby. CECILY No, I can't be Mistletoe's person. JACOB Why not? The dog likes you as much as Edmond. CECILY Because he's gonna be in his life forever. I'm only here for a couple more days. JACOB Drew all over again, huh? CECILY Can't you just, I don't know. negotiate something? Get them to let me leave early? JACOB Cec. CECILY Yeah? HOBBS Ah. CECILY Hi. HOBBS I thought I'd drop this off. A gift from the queen for all your hard work. An invitation to the Christmas Ball. JACOB What? CECILY Sorry. That's my manager, Jacob. He's a very big fan, but, you know, Hobbs, I don't think I can accept this. JACOB No, no, no, no! She has to accept, and she needs a plus-one! HOBBS That may prove difficult. I believe His Highness was hoping to spend some time with you. CECILY Did he say that? JACOB It's not like that! I'll be like a non-existent, invisible third wheel! My email is- CECILY Hobbs, is this a good idea? HOBBS The ball is the pinnacle event of the Christmas season. CECILY I know, but is this a good idea? HOBBS Certain members of the royal family would be happy if you attended, and, to be honest, so would I. CECILY But I have nothing to wear. HOBBS I think that can be arranged. EDMOND Why are you up so late? VICTORIA The usual. Keeping the festivities going. Doing all the busy work to make it happen. EDMOND You must be the hardest working princess in the world. VICTORIA Speaking of which, are you ready? EDMOND Uniform's pressed, sword's polished, and the groomer has Mistletoe smelling like a cinnamon stick. VICTORIA I meant your speech. Don't be coy. We all know Mother will be naming you as her successor. EDMOND Did she say that? VICTORIA We've all seen how she's warmed up to you this Christmas. Even I have, and that is saying something. EDMOND To be honest, I got so caught up in the morning, I may have overlooked the speech. VICTORIA Come on. We may have had our differences, but now's the time you need to stand tall. Come on. Let's make you look good. Here's the boiler plate. You thank Mother, Hobbs, parliament, and then you say why ruling Comfrey is the job you've wanted your whole life. EDMOND I don't know what to say. What would you say? VICTORIA I would say that keeping history alive never feels like hard work, that everything I've done over the last decade has prepared me for this day, that I feel lucky to have a job where I can brighten someone's day with a wave, heal them with a hug, that sort of thing. EDMOND Victoria, that is- VICTORIA No, do excuse me. That's all I have time for for now. EDMOND Up, up. Okay, now stay. Stay. Just stay. Why won't you stay? Not you. Mistletoe. I'm trying to train him, but, try as I might, he just will not. Traitor. CECILY Okay, I'm a little hesitant to say it, but I think that Mistletoe might be ready. EDMOND The question is, am I? CECILY Oh, dressed like that, you are definitely not. EDMOND I took him for a walk earlier, and saw they were loading the cannons, which means they're declaring a new monarch at the ball tonight. CECILY That's a good thing, I guess. JACOB Did someone order a plus-one? CECILY Oh, it's Jacob! JACOB Hey. CECILY Hi! Jacob, this is Edmond. Sorry, Prince Edmond. JACOB Your Royal Highness, it is an honor to meet you. Oh, nope, I'm sorry. I'm so nervous, I'm not sure what to do with my hands, so. EDMOND Please, it's fine. Lovely to meet you, and thank you so much for bringing Cecily. JACOB Of course, and here's the pup who started it all. You are so much cuter in pooch-son! CECILY Did you make that up on the plane? JACOB I've been waiting hours to say it. CECILY Yeah. JACOB Well, what are we standing around for? Don't we have a ball to go to? EDMOND Mistletoe, come here. Hey. EDMOND Good boy. CECILY I feel like I'm gonna look like I'm playing dress-up. JACOB Nonsense. You're gonna look fabulous. VICTORIA Cecily? CECILY Hi. VICTORIA To complete your look. JACOB Oh, Cec, you got your tiara. VICTORIA I better go back. This party won't toast itself. CECILY Oh, wait, I feel like, I don't know. I feel like I'm gonna mess something up. VICTORIA You will. Sash mishaps, tiara topples, I've seen it all. Just remember the golden rule of all Christmas parties. Be merry. JACOB Sage advice. Is this about Prince Edmond? CECILY It just all feels like a dream, you know? I mean, I came here to train a dog. CECILY And now I feel like, I dunno, like I'm gonna break my heart here. JACOB Listen, it made you lose focus. JACOB But I told you this was the play. Come train a dog and get the royals on board. JACOB It looks like Edmond might finance the whole thing! JACOB Let's go! HOBBS Ms. Cecily Bowman and Mr. Jacob Henderson. JACOB He has a sword. I totally should have a sword. CECILY You're not a prince, Jacob. JACOB I knew I pursued the wrong career. Come on, Mistletoe. Come on. EDMOND You look magical. CECILY Thank you. You know, it's funny. I was never really into the whole princess thing as a kid, but I think I'm starting to see the appeal. EDMOND In that case, shall we dance the first waltz? CECILY I'd prefer it if we fenced-without-swords the first waltz. Wow, that really did not work at all. EDMOND It worked for me. HOBBS It's going to be a lovely party, ma'am. Flawlessly executed, as always. THE QUEEN Thanks to my flawless press secretary, which is why I have a present for you. HOBBS Me? Oh, Your Majesty, I couldn't! THE QUEEN I think Bronman would be quite upset if you couldn't. HOBBS Thank you, milady. I noticed the queen's waltz was on the agenda for the evening. THE QUEEN And whom do you think I should ask? HOBBS Perhaps a loyal and devoted subject who has adored your family and has admired you for years? VICTORIA Have you tried the pate? LADY EDGEBURY We will. VICTORIA It's very good. Enjoy. CARRINGTON I've been looking for you all night. VICTORIA Oh. CARRINGTON I've heard something dreadful. VICTORIA Then why do you look so happy? CARRINGTON Myriad reasons, my queen. Myriad. CECILY So, is this what being a princess feels like? EDMOND Mm-mm. This is what happiness feels like. CECILY Do you think that we feel like this because we know it's all gonna end tomorrow. EDMOND It doesn't have to end, Cecily. CECILY I don't know if this is gonna work, and I can't hinge Rover Rehab's success on- EDMOND Romance? Then let's keep them separate. CECILY What's happening? EDMOND The queen's dance. She hasn't done one since my father died. CECILY The queen looks really happy. EDMOND She does. I just hope I don't ruin everything. LADY EDGEBURY What a wonderful dance. You kept that a secret? THE QUEEN Yes, didn't we? LADY EDGEBURY Wonderful. EDMOND Mama? THE QUEEN Thank you. EDMOND I hate to insist, but we really need to talk. THE QUEEN Oh, dear. Well, is this about your speech? You know it's being televised. EDMOND I know, but I think the person that wrote that speech should be the one to take the throne. THE QUEEN I would agree. So where did you get it from? Wilde, Dickens, Voltaire? Because I don't think they're fit to rule at the moment. EDMOND Your daughter wrote it. CARRINGTON Sir? I come with harrowing news. CARRINGTON It has your wealth, connections, likes and dislikes. Anything one would want to take advantage of you, sir. It was in Ms. Bowman's room. A moment to take a look. VICTORIA What are you doing? CARRINGTON Your brother is in the clutches of a grifter and I have the evidence to prove it. VICTORIA Why do you have that? CARRINGTON It matters not, my dear. What's important here is your brother lacks proper judgment to be king. VICTORIA My brother lacks judgment? You truly are an awful swine of a person. My family finally have the Christmas they've been wanting for years, and you want to ruin it. CARRINGTON I'm ruining it? You're the one that's giving up a throne because you care about those saps. VICTORIA Saps? You are so misguided. My family make me strong, strong enough to send you out of this castle forever. Go. CARRINGTON Darling, just- VICTORIA Go! Get out. CECILY Edmond, hi. You were looking for me? EDMOND Yes. I want to thank you for your service to the crown. CECILY I don't understand. EDMOND Your work here is done. You can go. Don't worry about your things. We'll ship them back, first class. CECILY Why are you talking to me like this? Edmond, what did I do? EDMOND I found your binder. CECILY What? EDMOND The research you did. You were never really you with me. None of that was real. It's fine. You're not the first woman to target me for my money. CECILY No, I'm not, is this really what you think that this is? EDMOND I may have a reputation, but I'm not an idiot, Cecily. I can't believe you ever really had feelings for me. CECILY Edmond, I did have feelings for you. I do! EDMOND You do deserve a trophy. It's a convincing act. CECILY It is not an act. Okay, yes, never in a million years did I ever think that I would have feelings for you, but I do, and, to be honest, I am just as scared as you are. EDMOND Well, you don't need to be. I'll have them bring the car around. CECILY Edmond, wait. THE QUEEN As the some of you know, this is my last ball as acting queen. Spearheading this event has been an honor and the second most rewarding job of my life. The first, of course, is being a mother. I only wish I was as good at that as I am hosting events. THE QUEEN The truth is parents often can't see what's right in front of them, and this Christmas has taught me to look a little harder. I am eager to start the next chapter in my life, but I couldn't until I knew my replacement was the best possible steward for our tiny nation, and I know she will be. I give you our next monarch, Queen Victoria! VICTORIA You had something to do with this, didn't you? EDMOND No. It was all you. JACOB Hey, hey, what's going on? CECILY It's over. Edmond thinks that I was just trying to take his money and that nothing between us was real. JACOB Was it real? Oh, Cec, I'm so sorry. CECILY I didn't even care that he was a prince. I just really thought that we had a real connection. Sorry. JACOB Where are you going? CECILY To say goodbye to someone. THE QUEEN You're not celebrating with Victoria? Oh, what's wrong? Is it Cecily? EDMOND She's just like the others. She only took this job to fund her charity. THE QUEEN How selfish. I mean, rather than buy her a condominium or a yacht or have her photo with you? EDMOND Regardless, it's not okay. You don't think it's even a little mercenary? THE QUEEN No. No, I think it's ambitious. That's what makes her so unique. I know you're going to hate me, but, well, I looked into Cecily when you two started spending time together. EDMOND That wasn't necessary. THE QUEEN She really is quite impressive. She started her own business. She's active in animal rescuing. She really has quite the charm. EDMOND Mum, I'm fine. It's fine. THE QUEEN My dear. People are drawn to us because of the crown. The people who stay, who stick around and bother to figure out who we really are, you need to keep them close. CECILY Oh, hi, Mistletoe. Hi. Come on. Up we go. You know, I'm not really one for big goodbyes, but I just wanna say thank you. You know, after I lost my last dog, I never thought that I would have this again. I don't ever even want it again, so... Yeah, you really proved me wrong, huh, buddy? So, thank you. Never change, Mistletoe, all right? Okay. Never change, buddy. Okay. Oh, wait, Mistletoe. Mistletoe, wait! Mistletoe! CECILY Mistletoe! Mistletoe! EDMOND Cecily? CECILY Mistletoe! Hi, buddy. There you are. EDMOND Why won't you stay? CECILY Are you talking to Mistletoe? EDMOND No, you. I want you to stay. I'm sorry. I was awful. You didn't do anything wrong. I was a fool not to see that you were real. I couldn't recognize that you cared for me, not just the prince. Look, I understand if you never wanna speak to me again. EDMOND Will you please say something? CECILY I'm sorry too. I did come here to launch. Jacob made that binder and it's all so silly. I promise you I didn't read any of it. Anyway, congratulations. EDMOND Congratulations? CECILY Yeah, I heard the cannons, and I know that you said that means there's a new king, so. EDMOND I said that it means there's a new monarch. Those are for Victoria. I'm just the royal that's here, begging for forgiveness. CECILY You gave up the crown? Why? EDMOND Because I met someone, someone I trust, who forged her own path and inspired me to do the same. CECILY So, assuming that this someone forgives you and understands, what's this new path that you're planning? I mean, are you gonna be jet-setting more? EDMOND That's what everyone expects. I'm a prince. I can fit in at any event and be a royal if I need to be, but I never felt like I had a home until I met you. CECILY Are you sure you don't need all this stuff? I mean- EDMOND Honestly, I'd be happy if, at the end of the day, I can get a slice of Brooklyn pizza with my person. Sorry, our person. CECILY Hey, are you ever gonna tell me what you wished for at that wishing tree? EDMOND I can't tell you, because then it might not come true. MISTLETOE CECILY We hear you, Mistletoe.