ALDEN BLAIR CHARLIE CROWD DELLA EDIE EMPLOYEE FRANKLIN JACK MAN MEGHAN MRS_ORILEY RECEPTIONIST WILL WOMAN ZADIE MEGHAN Meghan Miller. BLAIR Are you in Denver? MEGHAN Oh, hello, Mrs. Evans. BLAIR Not for three more days. MEGHAN Yes, I’m in Denver, on my way to meet the client as we speak. MEGHAN But I am so excited about tonight. BLAIR Me, too. MEGHAN Is mom staying sane? BLAIR Uh, well, she volunteered to coordinate corsages for the wedding party, so… MEGHAN How hard could that be? MEGHAN Thank you. BLAIR Do you know how many flowers are in bloom right now? BLAIR I mean, she’s obsessing. MEGHAN She just wants everything to be perfect. BLAIR Yeah, I do too. MEGHAN And it will be better than perfect. MEGHAN It will be real and full of heart. MEGHAN Just like the bride. BLAIR Oh… BLAIR I’m marrying Jack. BLAIR I still can’t quite believe it. MEGHAN I know, he is one heck of a catch. MEGHAN Afterall, he is the luckiest guy in the world. BLAIR Yeah, he kind of is. MEGHAN Alright, showtime. MEGHAN I gotta buzz. MEGHAN I’ll see you at seven. BLAIR Okay, but don’t be late. MEGHAN Neither snow, nor rain, nor gloom of the night… MEGHAN …will keep this maid of honour from being at her sister’s bachelorette party. BLAIR I’ll see you later. EDIE Blair, Blair, we’ve had a breakthrough! BLAIR Uh, I’ll be down in a few, mom! RECEPTIONIST May I help you? MEGHAN Hi, I’m Meghan Miller. MEGHAN I have a ten o’clock appointment with Mrs. O’Riley. MEGHAN FunForAll. RECEPTIONIST She’s still with her nine o’clock, but it shouldn’t be too long. RECEPTIONIST Would you like a water? MEGHAN Um, no, that’s okay, thanks. MEGHAN Okay, I’ll just sit over there. MEGHAN Thanks. EDIE For the bride’s maids, I was roses or carnations because I mean, naturally that’s what you do, right? BLAIR Yeah. EDIE But then I thought, where’s the fun in that? EDIE If we keep to a colour scheme, we could do a parade of different flowers. EDIE Roses, carnations, daisies, lysanthesse, whatever. EDIE All nestled in baby’s breathe. EDIE I mean, you can never go wrong with baby’s breathe, right? BLAIR Um, yeah. EDIE The eye will be drawn in and pow, the dresses will pop. BLAIR Whatever you want, mom. EDIE No, it’s whatever you want. EDIE It’s your day. BLAIR I want to you pick, because whatever you choose will be amazing. DELLA Hi, Mrs. M. EDIE Hi, Della. BLAIR Oh, oh, oh! DELLA Sorry. BLAIR Is it ten-thirty already? DELLA Just about. BLAIR We’ll see how the flowers look on the girls. BLAIR Okay, wanna bring them up? DELLA Okay. MEGHAN Uh, excuse me? MEGHAN Did Mrs. O’Riley mention how much longer she’s going to be? RECEPTIONIST I’m sorry, no. MEGHAN Oh. MEGHAN Well, that nine o’clock must be going real well. RECEPTIONIST Probably just got Mrs. O’Riley talking. RECEPTIONIST When she starts, she could go all day. MEGHAN Well, that’s good to know. MEGHAN Thanks. RECEPTIONIST Do you have another appointment to get to? MEGHAN Nope, this is my only stop in Denver. MEGHAN I just, I have a flight to catch this afternoon. RECEPTIONIST Oh, that shouldn’t be a problem. RECEPTIONIST Sure I can’t get you a water? MEGHAN You know what? MEGHAN I will get that water. BLAIR Oh, I love the colours. EDIE Yeah, it turned out great. BLAIR Yes. BLAIR Like I said, amazing. EDIE Yeah. EDIE Oh-- DELLA I never did get the hang of these. BLAIR You look fabulous. MAN You know, I hear it’s a beautiful state. WOMAN Oh, it is. It’s a real gem. ALDEN Well, next time I’m in town, I’ll have to try and catch a game. MRS ORILEY Oh, let me know. MRS ORILEY We have excellent box seats. MRS ORILEY I’ll set you up. ALDEN That’d be amazing. MEGHAN Alden Brown. ALDEN Meghan Miller? MEGHAN What are you doing here? ALDEN What are you doing here? MEGHAN Novelties R Us? ALDEN FunForAll? MRS ORILEY You must be my ten o’clock. MRS ORILEY I’m sorry to keep you waiting. MEGHAN Novelties R Us is your company? ALDEN And FunForAll is yours? MRS ORILEY Thank you for, uh…stopping in, Alden. MRS ORILEY We’ll be in touch. ALDEN Yes, and if you have any questions, just give me a call or shoot me an email. MRS ORILEY Of course. MRS ORILEY I have kept you waiting long enough, Ms…? MEGHAN Oh, Meghan is totally fine. MRS ORILEY Oh, I’m Leanne. MEGHAN Nice to meet you. MRS ORILEY So you and Alden know each other? MEGHAN Yeah, we grew up together. MEGHAN We went to rival high schools. MRS ORILEY Oh. MRS ORILEY What a small world. MEGHAN Yeah, sure is. MEGHAN Too small. MRS ORILEY That’s adorable. MEGHAN Yeah, and as you can see from our promotional materials, we have a dynamic product line… MEGHAN …with a ton of variety. MRS ORILEY I gotta admit, the handsewn whoopie cushion made me smile. MRS ORILEY But these guys? MEGHAN The perfect poster toy for what FunForAll is all about. MEGHAN See, all our toys are traditional mechanics, so no electronics. MRS ORILEY Oh, my kids would love these. MEGHAN And our packaging doubles as eye-catching store displays, so the entire product line is really going to stand out… MEGHAN …in your department stores. MRS ORILEY If we decide to carry vintage toys. MEGHAN No, you must. MEGHAN People nowadays – especially children – they’re turning off technology and they’re oversaturated. MEGHAN The market for old-fashioned toys is exploding. MRS ORILEY Well, it must be if two sharp millennials like you and Alden have started competing companies. MEGHAN Competition in name only. MEGHAN My product line is the best. MRS ORILEY You’re really passionate about what you do. MEGHAN Yeah. MEGHAN FunForAll has been a dream of mine since…since I can remember. MRS ORILEY I like that. MRS ORILEY But the thing is, Meghan, Mountain State Consolidated has gotten where it is – the largest, most profitable chain of family-owned department stores in the region – because we always expand prudently. MEGHAN Respecting verities. MEGHAN That’s what FunForAll is all about. MRS ORILEY Let me walk you through the Mountain State story. MRS ORILEY Show you how we got here. MRS ORILEY Well, it all started with great grandpa O’Riley. MRS ORILEY A man of vision. MRS ORILEY In the spring of 1890, he stowed away in the hold of a freighter… MEGHAN Blair, you will never guess who I just ran into. MEGHAN Alden Brown. BLAIR The guy from Central High? MEGHAN Yes! BLAIR You saw him where? MEGHAN We were pitching to the same client. MEGHAN Apparently, he has his own vintage toy business. BLAIR Wow, what are the chances? MEGHAN Ugh, I wish I had a trigger warning. MEGHAN Seeing him brought back so many high school horror stories. BLAIR Yeah, I bet. MEGHAN Debate, the pep club showdowns. MEGHAN We competed then and we’re competing now, but this time-- MEGHAN --he is not gonna win. BLAIR You go, girl. MEGHAN I am on my way to the airport. MEGHAN I will see you soon. BLAIR Meghan, you did remember to bring--? MEGHAN That super-something-special-borrowed to go with your old, new and blue? MEGHAN Uh huh, of course I did. BLAIR Why did I even ask? MEGHAN Oh, no… BLAIR What? MEGHAN The Denver airport is closed? BLAIR What? Why? MEGHAN Wildcat baggage handler strike? BLAIR You’re still coming tonight, right? MEGHAN Gotta go. MEGHAN Bye! MEGHAN It’s a regional strike, so Colorado Springs is still open. MEGHAN There’s a flight leaving to Wichita in about three hours, so I was thinking that I could rent a… MEGHAN …car…to… MEGHAN Blair, I’m gonna call you back. MEGHAN Bye. MEGHAN Excuse me? MEGHAN Um, I really need to rent a car, like five minutes ago. EMPLOYEE Oh, okay. EMPLOYEE I’ll ask all the other people in line to step aside so you can go first. MEGHAN Really? MEGHAN Oh, thank you so much. MEGHAN I-- MEGHAN Yeah, everybody needs to rent a car, like, ten minutes ago. MEGHAN Um, the things is, it’s an emergency. MEGHAN It’s not like I’m having a baby or a heart attack or I need a car to save the world, but my sister is getting married and her bachelorette party is tonight. EMPLOYEE Wow, a bachelorette party. EMPLOYEE That does sound important. MEGHAN Yeah, no, it’s not. MEGHAN I’m really sorry, Stella. MEGHAN You must be having a really stressful day and I’m being a total jerk. MEGHAN It’s just I’m the maid of honour and I’m hosting the party and it’s for my little sister… MEGHAN …and I’ve always been there for her and I’ve never let her down and… MEGHAN The thought of me letting her down and not being there for her just… MEGHAN I’m sorry. MEGHAN Sorry, Stella. MEGHAN Um, I’m sorry I bothered you. MEGHAN Have a nice day. EMPLOYEE Me? EMPLOYEE I would do anything for my little sister. EMPLOYEE Anything. EMPLOYEE Follow me. ALDEN Meghan! ALDEN Hey, did you get a car? MEGHAN Can’t talk, Alden. ALDEN Where you headed? MEGHAN Colorado Springs. MEGHAN I’m catching a flight to Wichita. ALDEN Wichita. ALDEN I need to get to Wichita. MEGHAN Well, good luck with that. ALDEN Let me come with you. MEGHAN No, thank you. ALDEN I’ll pay for gas, I’ll pay for the rental fee. ALDEN I will buy you a first-class upgrade. MEGHAN Are you pleading with me? ALDEN Begging. ALDEN Meghan, please, it’s an emergency. MEGHAN An emergency? MEGHAN Are you having a baby, a heart attack, have you been tasked to save the world? ALDEN It’s my dad. ALDEN It’s his retirement party. ALDEN The entire family’s gonna be there. ALDEN Everyone’s flying in and I’ve never missed a really important family event. ALDEN And I’ve never not been there for my dad. ALDEN Not ever. MEGHAN How can I say no to that? ALDEN I’m gonna grab my stuff. MEGHAN Well played. ALDEN I call shotgun. ALDEN I noticed you don’t have a suitcase. MEGHAN Yeah, I checked it through to Wichita when I left from Seattle this morning. ALDEN Wait, you live in Seattle, too? MEGHAN This day keeps on getting better and better. ALDEN I live in Belltown. ALDEN Where do you live? MEGHAN That’s great. MEGHAN We’re neighbours. ALDEN I’m feeling a bit of a chill over here Megatron. MEGHAN Don’t call me that. MEGHAN My friends only call me that. MEGHAN And you are definitely not one of them. ALDEN Well, high school was ages ago, so maybe we could be friends now? MEGHAN Not until you give me that trophy you stole from me back. ALDEN What trophy? MEGHAN Regional Debate champ, senior year. ALDEN Uh, I won that fair and square. MEGHAN Oh, no you did not. ALDEN Oh, no. ALDEN Well, I guess we’re not the only ones with a bright idea. ALDEN Colorado Springs to Wichita sold out. ALDEN I guess you’re gonna be flying without me. ALDEN What? MEGHAN I never bought a flight. MEGHAN I thought I could just buy a plane ticket at the airport. ALDEN Well… MEGHAN It’s okay. MEGHAN It’s totally okay. MEGHAN When’s the next flight? ALDEN Not until tomorrow. MEGHAN Okay, what are we gonna do? ALDEN Go back to Denver. ALDEN Maybe there’s a bus that’ll take us to Wichita. MEGHAN No, that’s gonna take forever. MEGHAN Why don’t we just drive there? ALDEN Why don’t we just drive there? MEGHAN Can’t be that far. ALDEN Seven-eight hours tops. ALDEN We’ll be there by midnight. MEGHAN I’ll miss the bachelorette party. ALDEN My dad’s barbecue isn’t until Sunday. MEGHAN But I’ll make it in time for the wedding. ALDEN My cousins, I can hang out with them on Saturday. MEGHAN And the rehearsal dinner. MEGHAN Seven to eight hours in the car… ALDEN Together. MEGHAN For my sister. ALDEN For my dad. MEGHAN I still want that trophy. ALDEN I’m not even sure if I still have it. MEGHAN Yes you are and yes you do. ALDEN Top shelf in the family room right next to my student of the year award. MEGHAN That’s gonna look so perfect next to mine. BLAIR Oh, no… MEGHAN I know: MEGHAN I am so bummed. BLAIR There’s no way at all that you can get here on time? MEGHAN No. MEGHAN And I wrote a killer toast, too. BLAIR Why don’t you email it me? BLAIR I’ll read it to everyone. MEGHAN No! MEGHAN You can’t read it. MEGHAN It has to be read to you. MEGHAN You’ll see. MEGHAN I know MEGHAN Okay, why don’t you call me back… MEGHAN …when it’s time and I’ll read the toast over the phone? BLAIR Perfect. BLAIR Hey, I gotta jump off, Jack’s here. BLAIR But keep me posted on your progress? MEGHAN I will. BLAIR Bye. BLAIR Hi, handsome. JACK Sorry, I only let my fiancée call me that. BLAIR What brings you here? JACK Baby’s breathe. JACK For your mom. BLAIR Ah, yes, the wedding party look. JACK We have a ton of baby’s breathe in our garden. It’s over-flowering with it. BLAIR Oh, Jack. BLAIR So, Meghan’s not going to be able to make the bachelorette party. JACK Why not? BLAIR She can’t get a flight. BLAIR She’s driving in from Denver instead. JACK I thought she was hosting the party? BLAIR I’ll enlist Della to do it. JACK Ah, you’ll Della-gate her. BLAIR Three more days, Jack, and then that’s it. BLAIR No more puns! BLAIR You promised. JACK I know, I’m just trying to get it out of my system so we can enjoy our pun-free-moon. ALDEN You know, you get better mileage if you use cruise control. MEGHAN I’m not really worried about the mileage. MEGHAN You’re paying for the gas. ALDEN Okay if I put the radio on? MEGHAN No, no to music. MEGHAN I find it very distracting. ALDEN How about…talk radio? MEGHAN No. ALDEN Podcast? MEGHAN No. MEGHAN Why don’t you just listen to something on your phone? ALDEN I can’t. ALDEN Earbuds in a moving vehicle make me nauseous. MEGHAN Okay, then read something. ALDEN That’s even worse. ALDEN Why don’t we play a game? ALDEN Twenty questions? MEGHAN No, thank you. ALDEN Alphabet? MEGHAN You cheat. ALDEN I would not cheat. MEGHAN A leopard cannot change his stripes. ALDEN Spots. MEGHAN Whatever. ALDEN This is about that debate, isn’t it? MEGHAN For starters. ALDEN You actually think that I cheated? MEGHAN Oh, I know that you did. ALDEN Really? How? MEGHAN “Resolved: Cafeteria food fails to meet FDA guidelines.” MEGHAN You presented totally bogus data to show that it does. ALDEN And were you able to prove the data was-- MEGHAN Data were. ALDEN --bogus in rebuttal. ALDEN I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. MEGHAN I was having internet problems. MEGHAN I didn’t have time to research it. ALDEN Ah, see I was in the same auditorium using the same internet. ALDEN And funny, I didn’t have any trouble rebutting your claims, so. MEGHAN Oh yeah, with bogus data, uh huh. ALDEN Roberts rules of order clearly state that it is the burden of the rebutter to-- MEGHAN I know, I know, I know the rules. ALDEN Case closed, case closed. MEGHAN Cheater. ALDEN Sore loser. MEGHAN Well, you’re gonna be a sore loser this time around because that Consolidated account is mine. ALDEN You haven’t seen my product line. MEGHAN Oh, I have. MEGHAN I always research the competition. ALDEN Really? MEGHAN Mmhmm. ALDEN Well, so have I. ALDEN I’ve seen your stuff. MEGHAN I know and it rocks. ALDEN It’s…not bad. MEGHAN You are going to hate the taste of my dust. ALDEN We’ll see about that. ALDEN Of course, if you want… ALDEN …to give me a hard time about that debate, I could say the same thing about the school spirit film competition. MEGHAN Oh, give me a break. MEGHAN That movie – if you could even call it that – was totally amateurish. ALDEN As it should be. ALDEN In a film made by amateurs. MEGHAN What is your point? ALDEN Charles Garvey. MEGHAN Charles, okay. MEGHAN What about Charles? ALDEN Award-winning documentarian. ALDEN Oh, and the father of your classmate, Tobey Garvey, the director of your film. MEGHAN Who clearly inherited his father’s talents. ALDEN Not to mention his state-of-the-art camera, sound and lighting equipment. ALDEN And his participation. MEGHAN He was only a consultant on the movie. ALDEN Like ducks. MEGHAN Like ducks-- MEGHAN Who says “like ducks”? ALDEN But I’m not gonna give you a hard time about it. ALDEN You know why? MEGHAN No, but I’m sure you’re gonna tell me. ALDEN Because it was a competition and people compete to win. MEGHAN You have a genius for stating the obvious. ALDEN Come to think of it, I may have been the best thing that ever happened to you in high school. ALDEN I gave you someone to compete against. MEGHAN Well, like you said, we’re not in high school anymore. ALDEN Yet here we are…still competing. MEGHAN Best thing to happen to me in high school? MEGHAN I know you were annoying, but I did not think you were delusional. ALDEN You know I’m right. ALDEN What? ALDEN Where’s the car? MEGHAN Did we park it somewhere else? ALDEN No, no, we parked it in front of the window with the karma corn sign. ALDEN That’s why I bought some. ALDEN Smart ad placement. MEGHAN Someone stole our car? ALDEN My luggage is in there! MEGHAN My sample suitcase, my phone! MEGHAN My something borrowed. MEGHAN I really appreciate all your help with this all. MEGHAN Are you sure there’s nothing else I can do? MEGHAN Thanks. ALDEN What’d he say? MEGHAN Well, he issued an APB. ALDEN Well, they’re tracking your phone with “find my phone”, though, right? ALDEN You didn’t activate that feature. MEGHAN I don’t like that thing. MEGHAN I don’t like that someone can track me down. MEGHAN I find it very creepy. MEGHAN Besides, it doesn’t matter if they don’t find the phone, I’m not the owner of it. MEGHAN They have to send it back to the car rental place, which can’t send us a new one… MEGHAN …because the airport strike, they’re all booked up. ALDEN Mmhmm. ALDEN Well, I contacted Uber and Lyft and every ride company that you’ve never heard of… ALDEN …and no one is gonna take us, because they all need a fair back to Wichita. ALDEN Which I guess makes sense. MEGHAN Making sense does not get us to Wichita. ALDEN No, but I have something that does. ALDEN He wanted five-thousand for it, but I sweet-talked him down to four and a half. ALDEN And a free tank of gas. MEGHAN You bought this? ALDEN Yeah, I put it on my card. MEGHAN Well, how do you even know it runs? MEGHAN That’s really reassuring, like everything printed on a dot matrix is. ALDEN Okay, have a little faith, alright? ALDEN The guy’s a mechanic, he said the engine’s cherry. MEGHAN Oh wow, if I had known that you were this gullible in high school, I would have never have lost to you. ALDEN If you’ve got a better idea on how to get us to Wichita, I’d love to hear it. ALDEN Must be your sister. MEGHAN Blair, hi. BLAIR Hey, I just got your message. BLAIR The car was stolen? MEGHAN Yeah, I know, but we landed another one. BLAIR Oh, good. MEGHAN Okay, I need you to call me back on this phone when it’s time for the toast, okay? BLAIR And whose phone is this? MEGHAN Alden Brown. BLAIR What?! MEGHAN I know, I know. MEGHAN I’ll tell you about it when I see you next, okay? MEGHAN I’ll talk to you later. ALDEN Alright, let’s get this dog and pony show on the road. ALDEN Oh, that door doesn’t open. ALDEN You gotta use the driver door. ALDEN Oh, sorry. MEGHAN Ouch. ALDEN Now, how to get this off… ALDEN You okay? MEGHAN Not really. ALDEN Look, I’m trying not to be annoying. MEGHAN Not everything is about you. ALDEN And apparently I’m failing. MEGHAN It’s my something borrowed. ALDEN Yeah, what is that about anyway? MEGHAN It’s tradition. MEGHAN The bride, she always wears something old, something new, something-- ALDEN Something borrowed, something blue. MEGHAN Yeah. ALDEN I got it. MEGHAN Right. MEGHAN Blair’s something borrowed, she was borrowing from me. MEGHAN It was this beautiful vintage shawl I found at a Good Will in high school. MEGHAN And I actually wore it to-- ALDEN --senior prom. MEGHAN How do you know that? ALDEN I was there. ALDEN At the time, I was dating-- MEGHAN --Katie McDougall. MEGHAN I remember, yeah, right. ALDEN It was a beautiful shawl. MEGHAN Guys aren’t supposed to notice stuff like that. ALDEN Well, I did. MEGHAN Well, Blair, she thought it was beautiful too and she designed her whole wedding dress around it. MEGHAN But now it’s gone. MEGHAN I had it in my sample suitcase. MEGHAN You know, in case the airlines lost my luggage. ALDEN I’m sorry. MEGHAN It’s okay. MEGHAN I’m just turning out to be the worst maid of honour ever. ALDEN Your sister won’t mind. MEGHAN Yeah, but I do. ALDEN You know, I remember your sister. ALDEN She was one heck of a cheerleader. MEGHAN Yeah, she is. MEGHAN All State. ALDEN Who’s she marrying? ALDEN Anybody I know? MEGHAN Jack Evans, he went to Central. ALDEN She’s marrying Greenback Jack? MEGHAN Oh yeah, she is. ALDEN That guy was money in the bank. ALDEN He had a letter for every sports team. ALDEN The debate club even looked up to him. ALDEN What’s he doing now? MEGHAN He is teaching at a high school. MEGHAN That’s how he and Blair met. MEGHAN They’re both teachers together. ALDEN Oh, P.E.? MEGHAN Special Ed. ALDEN Right, of course. ALDEN Not just a great athlete. ALDEN Great guy. ALDEN And he was very picky. ALDEN Your sister must really be something. MEGHAN Yeah, she is. ALDEN He did pun non-stop, though. MEGHAN Oh, I know. MEGHAN I know, she’s trying to ween him off of that, but I think she might have to stage in intervention. ALDEN Good luck. MEGHAN Uh oh. MEGHAN There’s road work ahead, but it says we’re still on the fastest route. MEGHAN But we won’t be if the traffic backs up. MEGHAN Let’s just take this exit here. ALDEN No, I think we should stick with the GPS. MEGHAN No, as soon as we turn off, it’s going to recalculate. MEGHAN And I don’t want to get in a traffic jam. MEGHAN This exit. ALDEN Alright. BLAIR A bachelorette pep rally? BLAIR Whose idea was that? EDIE Meghan’s. EDIE She put all this together. EDIE With a little help from me. BLAIR Seems like a lot of help. EDIE Well, she wasn’t here, I was. BLAIR Well, she should be calling soon, so. BLAIR I can’t wait. MEGHAN Ugh, it’s not recalculating. ALDEN Try a different app. MEGHAN I did, but I’m gonna try another one. ALDEN So, we have no idea where we are. MEGHAN We’re fine, Alden. ALDEN No, we’re not fine. ALDEN We’re lost. MEGHAN Don’t overreact, okay? MEGHAN Look, maybe this app right here… MEGHAN Ugh, no, nothing. MEGHAN Uh oh, okay. ALDEN I knew I should have never let you convince me to get off the highway. MEGHAN Since when have I ever talked you into doing anything? ALDEN I knew it was a bad idea. MEGHAN How was I supposed to know there’d be a dead zone? ALDEN It said we were on the fastest route. MEGHAN Well, sometimes, GPS… MEGHAN …they lie. ALDEN And sometimes they don’t work! ALDEN You okay? ALDEN You alright? MEGHAN Yeah, I’m fine. MEGHAN It just came out of nowhere. ALDEN Oh, man. ALDEN You sure? MEGHAN Yeah, I’m fine. ALDEN Uh oh. ALDEN Come on. MEGHAN Ugh… MEGHAN Well, at least we have our signal back. MEGHAN Is AAA on the way? ALDEN Looks like it. MEGHAN How much longer? ALDEN It’s hard to say. ALDEN Yeah, and I’m gonna have to shut my phone off soon, it’s practically dead. ALDEN Too much hopping around the find a decent GPS. MEGHAN Alden, I said I was sorry. MEGHAN And no, you cannot turn that thing off, because I have to call in my toast. ALDEN Uh, there’s like two percent battery life left. ALDEN Hey-- BLAIR And remember, I was at the top of the pyramid? DELLA You almost fell! BLAIR No, no, it was fine. BLAIR I didn’t fall. EDIE Is Meghan ready for her toast? BLAIR Oh, no. BLAIR No, she can’t. BLAIR Their phone’s about to die. DELLA So, no toast? BLAIR Well, she grabbed it from the cloud and sent it as an attachment, but someone else is gonna have to read it. BLAIR Mom? EDIE I’m giving a toast at the rehearsal dinner tomorrow. BLAIR Della? DELLA Oh, no, no. DELLA I mean, I couldn’t. DELLA I’m terrible at stuff like this. BLAIR Della, please, come on. BLAIR You’re my bestie. BLAIR Please? DELLA Sure. DELLA Hey, every-- DELLA Hi. DELLA Could everyone…gather? DELLA Toast! DELLA Um…okay. DELLA So, Meghan was supposed to give the toast, but she’s not here, so… DELLA I’m gonna give it. BLAIR Go, Della! DELLA Blair, we are so pumped to be here with you tonight. DELLA We love you… DELLA As a daughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin, a friend. DELLA But above all as the most legendary cheerleader this town has ever seen. DELLA Um… DELLA This is for you, girl. DELLA Hope we do you justice. DELLA Okay, ladies, grab your pompoms and get ready to shake. DELLA Play link! DELLA Oh— DELLA Play link, okay. DELLA Play link. DELLA Oh, my god. DELLA Old and new and blue and borrowed. DELLA Blair, you’re getting wed tomorrow. DELLA Is this what you really want? DELLA Is your Jack a true gallant? DELLA ‘Cause if he’s not, we’ve got your back. DELLA We’ll tar and feather Mr. Jack. DELLA But if your mind is set on this, we hope you live in wedded bliss. DELLA Yeah, if your heart is too far gone, you better get some practise on. DELLA Yeah, when I say “I”, you say “do”. DELLA I! CROWD Do! DELLA I! CROWD Do! DELLA I! CROWD Do! DELLA Ladies, give it up for your bride to be! DELLA I love you. ALDEN So, how’s it look? CHARLIE Oh, this engine’s cherry. CHARLIE But you knocked a few things out of whack when you went off the road. MEGHAN Well, can you fix it? CHARLIE Sure. MEGHAN Oh. CHARLIE But not here. CHARLIE I gotta take it back to the garage. MEGHAN Oh, a renaissance fair… MEGHAN Now, that’s really cool. ALDEN October eighth? ALDEN Isn’t that tomorrow? CHARLIE Yeah, it’s a huge event. CHARLIE People are coming from all over. MEGHAN Oh… MEGHAN So, how long do you think it’s going to take to repair our van? CHARLIE Oh, that won’t take long. ALDEN Is there a diner, or a restaurant we could eat at while we’re waiting, or…? CHARLIE Well, I’m not going to patch it up tonight. CHARLIE No, no, I’m off the mechanic’s clock. CHARLIE It’s strictly emergency road service stuff. ALDEN So…? MEGHAN I guess we just spend the night? CHARLIE Yeah… CHARLIE That’s gonna be a problem. ALDEN Uh, problem? MEGHAN What? CHARLIE Well, like I say, it’s a big event… CHARLIE And all the hotels – the two that we have in town – they’re booked. MEGHAN Okay, um, I guess we sleep in the car? CHARLIE Well, that sounds uncomfortable. CHARLIE Tell you what, why don’t you come stay with Zadie and me? CHARLIE We’re empty-nesters now. MEGHAN Oh, no, no, we really don’t want to impose. CHARLIE Oh, it’s not an imposition. CHARLIE It’s a…invitation. CHARLIE Zadie. ZADIE Hi! CHARLIE Come meet Mr. and Mrs. Stranded. MEGHAN Oh-- MEGHAN No, no, no, we’re not married. ALDEN Yeah, just, uh-- MEGHAN Sharing a ride. ALDEN Yeah. CHARLIE Well, whatever you are, they’ve had a heck of a day. ZADIE Charlie told me all about it when he called. ZADIE You poor things. ZADIE Listen, I got you some pajamas and warm socks. ZADIE Charlie said that you and he were about the same size. ZADIE Well, give or take a few inches. ALDEN Oh-- ZADIE And our Sarah is a slip of a gal just like you. MEGHAN Oh, thank you so much. ALDEN This is very, very nice. ZADIE Now, listen, I laid out some snacks and drinks for once they get all settled, okay? CHARLIE I hope you like fritters and sarsaparilla. ALDEN I don’t know, I’ve never had fritters and sarsaparilla. MEGHAN Oh, me neither. ZADIE Oh, then you are in for a treat. ALDEN Oh, then you are in for a treat. ZADIE Isn’t that right, Charlie? ZADIE Okay. CHARLIE Well, come on, let’s get you settled. ALDEN Well, come on, let’s get you settled. ALDEN We’re sleeping in a tent? CHARLIE A tent? CHARLIE This is a real beauty. CHARLIE Overflow from the renaissance fair. CHARLIE It’s got plenty of room, you’ll see. MEGHAN We thought that you-- ALDEN --were empty-nesters? CHARLIE We are. CHARLIE Zadie commandeered Sarah’s room for a crafting studio and I’m using Seth’s to store my LP’s. CHARLIE Vinyl’s made a comeback. CHARLIE Come on, let’s get this puppy up. MEGHAN Okay. ALDEN I’ve never put a tent together before. MEGHAN It’s easy. ALDEN How do you know? MEGHAN Girl Scouts. MEGHAN Ambassador Gold. CHARLIE Impressive. ALDEN No idea what that means. CHARLIE It’s scouting’s highest honour. MEGHAN I don’t want to brag. ALDEN Oh, that’d be a first. CHARLIE Hey, Alden, grab a corner. ALDEN Yeah. EDIE Good morning, sweetheart. BLAIR Morning, mom. EDIE Oh, what time did Meghan get in last night? EDIE I didn’t hear her come in. BLAIR She didn’t. BLAIR Car trouble. EDIE Oh, no. BLAIR They spent the night in a town called Mackenzie. EDIE Where’s that? BLAIR According to GPS, the middle of nowhere. EDIE Well, what kind of car trouble? BLAIR I don’t know. BLAIR But the mechanic said it would be easy to fix. EDIE So, she’ll be here in time for the rehearsal tonight. BLAIR I’m sure she will. ZADIE Entereth! CHARLIE Good morrow, gentlefolk. ALDEN Good morrow, gentlefolk. ZADIE How sleepeth, thou? ALDEN How sleepeth, thou? MEGHAN Fair? ALDEN To middling. ZADIE Oh, no. CHARLIE Was the tent uncomfortable? MEGHAN No, the tent was great. MEGHAN It just turns out somebody snores. ALDEN Everybody snores. MEGHAN I don’t snore. ALDEN Uh, yeah, you do. MEGHAN No, I don’t. ALDEN Yes, you do. ZADIE Are you hungry? ALDEN Yes. ALDEN Thank you, Zadie. MEGHAN Oh, this looks so delicious, thank you so much. ZADIE It’s renaissance day, so we try to eat as they did. ALDEN Oh. ALDEN Great outfits. CHARLIE Great outfits. MEGHAN Oh, “Mackenzie”… MEGHAN It’s a Scottish renaissance fair. CHARLIE Well-observed, my lady. ALDEN Oh, can I borrow a phone charger? ALDEN Phone’s almost out of juice. ZADIE Not today, my lord. CHARLIE We’re off the grid. ZADIE Yes. MEGHAN Oh, is there a power outage? CHARLIE Oh, no, my lady. CHARLIE It’s voluntary. ZADIE We don’t just dresseth as they did, we liveth as they did. CHARLIE No electronics. ZADIE No. CHARLIE No cellphones. ZADIE No. CHARLIE Nope. MEGHAN MEGHAN Woo, that seems like a very interesting challenge. ALDEN So, I guess I’ll just charge it when we get to the town. ALDEN While you’re fixing our car. ZADIE Nay, my lord. ZADIE The whole town is offeth the grideth today. CHARLIE And thy carriage will not be fixeth until tomorrow. ALDEN Wait, what? MEGHAN Did you just say tomorrow? CHARLIE There being no motorized carriages in what is our “renaissance”… CHARLIE …one can’t very well fixeth one. ALDEN You didn’t think to mention that last night? ZADIE Well, we did not want to disturbeth your “sleep”. MEGHAN Ugh. this is a disaster, an absolute disaster! ALDEN The nearest town is about twenty miles away. ALDEN We can walk there, we’ll find another car. MEGHAN I can’t walk twenty miles in a pair of heels or slippers. MEGHAN I need more comfortable shoes. MEGHAN They have comfortable shoes in the renaissance… ALDEN Only I don’t know how we’re gonna buy a new car, because I maxed out my credit card on the SUV and you lost your phone and your purse. MEGHAN Ugh, please do not remind me. MEGHAN Wait, maybe we could hire someone there to drive us to Wichita. ALDEN Maybe. ALDEN But again, no money. MEGHAN Why does this keep on happening to us? ALDEN Me thinketh the universe is aligned againsteth us. MEGHAN Or, maybe… ALDEN Or, maybe what? MEGHAN They’re trying to tell us something. ALDEN The stars? MEGHAN Okay, laugh at me all you want, and I know you will. MEGHAN But FunForAll is not just a business for me. MEGHAN It is my passion. ALDEN So is Novelties R Us for me. MEGHAN Yeah, but Alden, I really believe in what I’m doing. ALDEN Providing the world with whoopie cushions and exploding fountain pens? MEGHAN Actually, yeah. MEGHAN And don’t get me wrong, I love that thing, I really do but in about five minutes it’s gonna lose juice and I am gonna feel-- MEGHAN Completely untethered. MEGHAN And that is my point. ALDEN That we’re too wired in. ALDEN That people don’t take the time to slow down anymore. MEGHAN We’re always looking forward – which of course you have to do – but sometimes, you’ve gotta look back. ALDEN And Novelties R Us and FunForAll gives people a chance to do that. MEGHAN Yes. MEGHAN To feel like…kids again. ALDEN Kids in a simpler, less frenetic time. MEGHAN When people appreciated-- ALDEN --the verities. ALDEN Okay, I’m not laughing. MEGHAN Alden, think about it. MEGHAN This whole crazy trip is putting us to the test, giving us a chance to walk our walk and talk our talk. MEGHAN So, why don’t we give into it and spend the day? ALDEN Seriously? MEGHAN Yeah. MEGHAN Charlie said we’d be out of here first thing tomorrow. MEGHAN So, that gives me plenty of time to get back to Wichita to be the maid of honour. MEGHAN An unrehearsed one, but how hard can that be? MEGHAN Besides, by the time we get to the next town – assuming we can even get a car-- MEGHAN I’m gonna miss the rehearsal anyway. ALDEN And I could be there today to help my mom and my brother and my cousins prep for the big barbecue… ALDEN …but do they really need me for that? MEGHAN I don’t know, it could be kind of…fun. MEGHAN So, what do you say? ALDEN I say… ALDEN A merrie good day to thee, renaissance. MEGHAN Oh… MEGHAN No, I don’t think they’d do that five hundred years ago. ALDEN Probably not. MEGHAN Okay, I need to use that phone. MEGHAN I have to call home and let them know what is up. ALDEN So do I. ALDEN Damsels in distress first. MEGHAN Wait, who said that I’m a damsel? ALDEN Fine, I’ll make my call first. MEGHAN No, that’s okay, thank you. MEGHAN Just give me, like, five minutes. ALDEN Five minutes? MEGHAN These boots are amazingly comfortable. ALDEN So is the kilt. ALDEN No wonder you guys wear these things. MEGHAN We call it a skirt. MEGHAN Oh… MEGHAN Wow, this is amazing. ALDEN Check out the band. ALDEN Somebody has an admirer. MEGHAN Whatever dost thou mean? ALDEN Thou art shameless. CHARLIE Welcometh. ZADIE Oh, don’t you two looketh right at home. ALDEN Thank you for the clothing. CHARLIE You are crushing that kilt. ZADIE Crushing, Charles? ZADIE I faileth to understand. CHARLIE Crusheth. FRANKLIN Who are your new friends, mayor? ALDEN Mayor? MEGHAN You’re the mayor? CHARLIE A ceremonial title, a few responsibilities. CHARLIE Coequal renumeration. FRANKLIN Don’t you believe it. FRANKLIN He rules this town with an iron hand. ZADIE Meghan, Alden, this is Franklin. MEGHAN Franklin, we very much enjoyeth your fiddling. FRANKLIN Why thank you, my lady. CHARLIE Franklin’s troupe-- FRANKLIN --the Mackenzie Minstrels. CHARLIE They’re going to be playing at the dance later on tonight. FRANKLIN Which I now regret-eth. MEGHAN Oh, how so, dear sir? FRANKLIN Well, if I playeth, I do not danceth… FRANKLIN …with thee. ALDEN Okay. ALDEN Nice to meet you, Franklin. ALDEN Uh, arts and crafts? ALDEN We should go check that out. FRANKLIN Anon! FRANKLIN Come, play-eth our games. CHARLIE Archery, quoits. ALDEN Quoits? MEGHAN Horseshoes. ALDEN How do you know that? FRANKLIN Races, kickball. ALDEN So, no jousting? MEGHAN Doth thou joust? ALDEN Nay. MEGHAN I think that sounds fun. FRANKLIN If thou enjoyeth a little friendly competition. ALDEN Oh, we enjoyeth competition. ALDEN Friendly, or otherwise. FRANKLIN Most wondrous! FRANKLIN Well, I’ll see thee thither. ZADIE Oh, huzzah, the McDaniels are here. ZADIE Anon! CHARLIE Anon. MEGHAN Anon! ALDEN That was a little nerdy. MEGHAN What was? ALDEN The fiddler. ALDEN Pitching woo like that. MEGHAN “Pitching woo”? MEGHAN Is that what we’re calling it? ALDEN You didn’t seem to mind it one bit. MEGHAN No, I guess I didn’t. ALDEN For all he knew, we could have been a couple. MEGHAN You, me, a couple? MEGHAN Please. DELLA Is that…? BLAIR Yep. BLAIR That’s Will. BLAIR The best man. DELLA Wow. BLAIR I know, big time wow. JACK I’m happy you’re here. JACK Hey. BLAIR Hey. JACK Still no Meghan? BLAIR No, she’s not going to make it until tomorrow. BLAIR But Della’s going to fill in for now. JACK Will, meet your maid of honour for the day. WILL Pleasure to meet you, Della. DELLA Uh…you too. JACK Looks like she means it, Will. JACK In fact, she looks downright Della-ighted. BLAIR Oh…Jack. JACK That was good, right? BLAIR Jack. JACK Babe. MEGHAN This is really cool. CHARLIE I know not what thou means by “cool”, my lady. CHARLIE But thank you. MEGHAN You made this? CHARLIE Yeah, I carve them and I do the mechanics and Zadie paints them. MEGHAN I have a business that sells toys like these. ALDEN So do I. ALDEN It’s not the same as these. ALDEN These are really special. MEGHAN If you’re ever interested in selling to a wider market-- MEGHAN --my company would be the perfect partner…for you. CHARLIE I know not of that. CHARLIE I enjoyeth making them for family and friends. ZADIE Yet we selleth them to any old anybody who’s interested. ZADIE So, maybe we would like to hear about your company. MEGHAN Companies. ZADIE Companies. ZADIE Submiteth your proposals and we’ll see whose we like better. MEGHAN Don’t worry. ALDEN We shall-eth. MEGHAN May the best proposal wineth. ALDEN Wow. MEGHAN Fantastic, whoa. ALDEN Should bring some of this home to my dad. ALDEN He loves apple cider. MEGHAN Tell me about your dad. MEGHAN You said he’s retiring? ALDEN Yeah, he’s a typesetter. ALDEN He’s an artist. ALDEN He loves his work. MEGHAN So, why is he retiring? ALDEN ‘Cause he loves golf and tennis and rock-climbing more. MEGHAN Your dad is a jock? ALDEN Yeah, when it comes to my brothers and me, not an athlete in the bunch. ALDEN I tried little league. ALDEN The only position I was suited for was left out. ALDEN Although, I will say when I was eight years old, I killed in ballroom dancing. ALDEN What about you? ALDEN What’s your dad like? MEGHAN Uh, he passed away about two years ago. ALDEN I’m so sorry. MEGHAN Thanks. MEGHAN It just makes Blair’s wedding all that more important. MEGHAN It’s the first big family event since we lost him. MEGHAN Oh… MEGHAN Very athletic. ALDEN Yeah, I don’t see a debate platform or a chess tournament. ALDEN I think we’re in trouble. MEGHAN We? MEGHAN Captain of the volleyball and track team. ALDEN Of course you were. ALDEN How would your boyfriend in Seattle feel if he knew you were making eyes at a Mackenzie Minstrel? MEGHAN I am not making eyes and no, there’s no boyfriend. ALDEN So, the minstrel has a chance. MEGHAN Well, I haven’t met Will yet. ALDEN Who’s Will? MEGHAN Jack’s best man. MEGHAN Apparently, we’re perfect for each other. CROWD Oh! ALDEN Sorry! ZADIE Are thou in pain, good sir? ALDEN Yes, I used muscles I didn’t knoweth I had. CHARLIE Aye, in a renaissance, we worketh hard, and we playeth hard. ALDEN Clearly, I’m not equipeth for these times. CHARLIE Well, I doth not knoweth that. ALDEN While the real men hunteth and gathereth, I prefereth to stayeth at home. ALDEN And readeth. ZADIE Much like our beloved William Shakespeare. ALDEN He was also a brilliant actor, a successful entrepreneur and a formidable wrestler. ALDEN I did a report on him when I was in seventh grade. ZADIE But it is his intelligence that attracteth the damsels. ALDEN Meghan claimeth to not be a damsel. CHARLIE; Be that as it may, even in these times, a lady knoweth how to whet a man’s interest by paying attention to someone else. ALDEN Are we having a teachable moment here, guys? ZADIE “Teachable moment”? ZADIE Why, whatever dost thou meaneth? ALDEN Excuse me. ALDEN I’m sorry about your foot. ALDEN I’m just going to have to face it, the renaissance is not my jam. CHARLIE What a grand day, fellow Mackenzians. CHARLIE It’s an honour to be in Mackenzie and to stand in the same place my forebearers did when they founded this town. ZADIE Six generations. CHARLIE And they would have loved this annual fair. CHARLIE And they’d want to thank you all for coming from near and afar, CHARLIE including our very special guests. CHARLIE Yes, a grand day indeed. CHARLIE But all grand days must end. CHARLIE And the Mackenzie Minstrels will help us bid the past goodbye with a lovely sixteenth century waltz. CHARLIE Valorous night, good town folk. CHARLIE Walketh home safely. ALDEN Did he say the waltz? ALDEN I can do that. ALDEN Second grade ballroom dancing. MEGHAN Alden, I don’t know how to waltz. ALDEN That’s okay, just, uh… ALDEN Follow my lead. ALDEN Put your hand on my shoulder. ALDEN And then… ALDEN Ready? MEGHAN I think so. MEGHAN Oh-- ALDEN That’s okay. ALDEN There you go. JACK As far as rehearsal dinners go? JACK I’d say that was a darn good one. BLAIR It was the best one of mine I’ve ever been to. BLAIR Somebody’s hitting it off. JACK Will told me he’s completely smitten. BLAIR Yeah, as well he should be. BLAIR She’s a doll. JACK I always thought so. JACK But I don’t think she has. JACK I love seeing her shine like this. BLAIR Insightful, empathetic, kind. BLAIR I mean, I could really go for a guy like you. JACK Don’t, I’m getting married tomorrow. BLAIR She’s a very lucky woman. JACK Not as lucky as I am. BLAIR Okay, buster, that’s it. BLAIR You’re not seeing me again until you’re on that alter tomorrow. JACK Not true. JACK I’ll be seeing you constantly. JACK Right here. BLAIR Hey. BLAIR Aren’t you forgetting something? JACK Sorry, I’d stay and punnel you with yolks, but alas, I must make like autumn and leaf. ALDEN Oh! ALDEN Excuse me. MEGHAN Enough, enough! ALDEN Oh, I thought you were enjoying it. MEGHAN No, I was, I’m just so exhausted. ALDEN Ah, right. ALDEN Because winning race after race makes you really drained, right? MEGHAN Don’t forget quoits. ALDEN How could I? ALDEN Surprised they didn’t throw me in the pillory for attempted assault with a deadly weapon. MEGHAN I had a lot of fun today. MEGHAN I’m glad we stayed. ALDEN Yeah, me too. MEGHAN No, you did not. MEGHAN Not until the waltz. MEGHAN You were completely miserable, you lost every game. ALDEN Okay, fine, yeah, I was miserable. ALDEN But not because you beat me. ALDEN At every single game. MEGHAN Like ducks it wasn’t. ALDEN Who says “like ducks”? ALDEN Hey, where are you going? MEGHAN Charlie and Zadie’s place is this way. ALDEN Uh, no it isn’t. MEGHAN Yes, it is. ALDEN Nope. MEGHAN Yes. MEGHAN Fine, suit yourself. MEGHAN But I’m going to go this way. MEGHAN A man who admits he’s lost… MEGHAN How refreshing. MEGHAN Okay, say it. ALDEN Say what? MEGHAN I told you so. ALDEN What kind of a person would say that? MEGHAN An Alden kind of person. ALDEN Meghan Miller, you don’t know me at all. ALDEN Let’s get an aerial view. ALDEN What? ALDEN Not inspired to climb? MEGHAN I’m wearing a very long skirt. ALDEN I’m wearing a kilt. ALDEN Come on. ALDEN Alright… EDIE Hey. EDIE Are you ready for tomorrow? EDIE Scooch over. BLAIR Sometimes I think I’ve been ready for tomorrow my whole life. EDIE Here-- EDIE Oh, I remember my wedding day. EDIE So vividly. EDIE It was the happiest day of my life. EDIE Until I held Meghan in my arms. EDIE And then you. BLAIR What was your secret, mom? BLAIR You and dad, you guys, you made happy seem so easy. EDIE Oh, it was all smoke and mirrors. BLAIR No, it wasn’t. EDIE Well, I don’t know, I really don’t. EDIE Only that every day I’d wake up and tell myself to make this day the best one yet. EDIE No matter what came at me. EDIE Your dad did the same. BLAIR I still can’t believe that he’s not going to be there tomorrow. EDIE Oh, sweetheart, he will. EDIE Meghan is going to look so pretty in that dress tomorrow. BLAIR If she gets here. EDIE Oh, she will. MEGHAN Maybe it’s a mirage. ALDEN Maybe the whole town is. MEGHAN Like Brigadoon. MEGHAN It only appears every hundred years. ALDEN And then dissolves into the mist again. MEGHAN Or, maybe we’re just good and lost. ALDEN I would put my money on that one. ALDEN Although… ALDEN …it’s a darn nice place to be lost in. MEGHAN Copy that. MEGHAN What did you mean earlier when you said that it wasn’t me beating you that made you miserable? ALDEN Really? ALDEN You need me to say it? MEGHAN Yeah. ALDEN I was jealous. MEGHAN Jealous? ALDEN Of you and Franklin. MEGHAN I kind of thought that’s what it was. ALDEN Okay, but tell me something. ALDEN Was there not a part of you that was… ALDEN …trying to make me jealous? MEGHAN I guess I was. MEGHAN What’s that all about? ALDEN Is that a serious question? ALDEN Meghan, come on. ALDEN In high school… ALDEN I had a huge crush on you. MEGHAN You did? ALDEN Yeah. ALDEN Every debate, every prep squad rally, every time our schools were facing off, I… ALDEN I hoped you’d be there. MEGHAN Wow. MEGHAN How come you never asked me out then? ALDEN Like you would have said yes. MEGHAN I think I would have. ALDEN Really? MEGHAN Yeah, I mean, you were only annoying because you were good at absolutely everything, but-- MEGHAN I always thought you were kind of cool. ALDEN Wow. MEGHAN But that was in high school. ALDEN Yeah. MEGHAN Yeah. ALDEN Right. MEGHAN So, why would I try and make you jealous now? ALDEN Yeah, why would you? ALDEN But you were. ALDEN And I was. MEGHAN Guess we slept here. ALDEN Yep. MEGHAN Wait…? ALDEN Oh, I was going to surprise you with it when we got to Wichita, but it got a little cold last night. MEGHAN Where did you get it? ALDEN The fair. ALDEN Just one of the craft tables. ALDEN It’s not as perfect as the one you wore to the prom, but I figured it’s yours now and Blair can borrow it. MEGHAN Alden. MEGHAN Thank you. ALDEN Guess what? MEGHAN What? ALDEN We couldn’t see it in the dark. ALDEN The lights were off, they were off the grid. MEGHAN So direction-wise, I was right. ALDEN You usually are. ALDEN Shall we? MEGHAN We shall. ZADIE There you are, good morning. ALDEN I was just about to come and wake you up. ZADIE I washed and dried your clothes. MEGHAN Oh, Zadie. ALDEN So, why don’t you have some nice breakfast, and then you can go and freshen up? ZADIE Charlie is in the garage, working on your car. MEGHAN Thank you so much. ALDEN You guys are the best. MEGHAN And I will be in touch real soon… MEGHAN …with a proposal for those toys. ALDEN So will I. MEGHAN Hmmm. CHARLIE Well, uh, we got a wee problem. ZADIE Oh, no. CHARLIE I got everything on that car patched up just fine… CHARLIE …and then I went to replace the busted serpentine belt… CHARLIE …and uh…well, I don’t have the right size. CHARLIE Clean out of stock. MEGHAN I don’t know what a serpentine belt is. ALDEN Neither do I. MEGHAN Do we need one? CHARLIE Well, if you want to drive the car, you do. ALDEN How soon can you get one? CHARLIE Oof…tomorrow? MEGHAN No. MEGHAN Alden and Meghan’s Reverie in Renaissanceville ends now. MEGHAN Charlie, we are going to Wichita… MEGHAN …and if that car is not gonna get us there, you better help find a vehicle that will. MEGHAN Like, immediately. ALDEN I—well, I suppose you could take the tow truck. ALDEN It’s kind of pokey. ZADIE It’s just a little pokey though. ALDEN Okay, twenty miles there’s a turn-off that will take us to the interstate. MEGHAN Oh, this thing makes that van feel like a Ferrari. MEGHAN What, you have got to be kidding me. MEGHAN What? Are we being pulled over because we’re driving too slow? MEGHAN Whatever we did, let’s hope they write tickets around here fast. ALDEN Fat chance. MEGHAN Ugh. ALDEN Here he comes. MEGHAN Franklin? FRANKLIN Is this your vehicle, Miss? MEGHAN Uh, no, it’s Charlie’s. FRANKLIN Where are you headed today? MEGHAN Uh, Wichita? FRANKLIN Are you traveling there with her, sir? ALDEN What’s this all about, Franklin? FRANKLIN Stay in the vehicle, both of you. FRANKLIN Hands where I can see them. MEGHAN Well… ALDEN What did we do? MEGHAN I don’t know. ALDEN Did you know he was a cop? MEGHAN No, I had no idea. ALDEN Well, he seems pretty upset. MEGHAN Very upset. MEGHAN He’s coming, okay, okay. FRANKLIN Couple of jugs of Mackenzie’s cider… FRANKLIN I hear you like it. MEGHAN Uh… FRANKLIN I had you pretty scared, didn’t I? MEGHAN Uh, yeah, you did. FRANKLIN I just fiddle for fun. FRANKLIN This is my day job. ALDEN Oh, well, pretty good at it. FRANKLIN Thank you. FRANKLIN And you may be the single most uncoordinated human being I have ever met. ALDEN Mmhmm. FRANKLIN Until you waltz. FRANKLIN Then, you’re magic, dude. FRANKLIN Thank you. FRANKLIN Both of you. ALDEN For helping to make yesterday one of my best days ever. MEGHAN Oh, well, it was one of our best days, too. FRANKLIN Well, I’ll let you off with a warning this time. ALDEN And I hope to see you back here next year. FRANKLIN It won’t be the same fair without you. MEGHAN Thanks, Franklin. ALDEN Brigadoon. MEGHAN Oh, yes, definitely. ALDEN You sure you don’t want to disappear into the mist with him? MEGHAN Well, I’m tempted, but I think I’m good. ALDEN Alright. ALDEN Let’s get out of here. MEGHAN Definitely. ALDEN No. MEGHAN No, come on! MEGHAN You’ve got to be kidding me! MEGHAN Come on! ALDEN Come on, pokey! ALDEN Quick, before he changes his mind! BLAIR They’ve just hit the city limits, but there’s a lot of traffic. DELLA So, what do you want to do? BLAIR Um… BLAIR Let’s give her another twenty minutes. BLAIR And then come be my maid of honour. DELLA Oh, Blair-- BLAIR I will love having you beside me. BLAIR And so will Will. EDIE Oh, sweetheart. EDIE You look glorious. BLAIR Mom, you’re crying already. EDIE Oh, I’ll be crying all day. EDIE Get used to it. BLAIR Let’s do this. MEGHAN Ugh. ALDEN Oh, great. ALDEN We’re boxed in. MEGHAN Oh! ALDEN Ah! MEGHAN We made it! ALDEN It is a miracle. ALDEN Oh. MEGHAN So, I was thinking when we’re back in Seattle… ALDEN Yeah, let’s maybe, uh, get together sometime? MEGHAN Yeah, hang out or something. ALDEN Yeah, yeah. MEGHAN Yeah. MEGHAN Well, I should be getting in there. ALDEN Right, yes, go. ALDEN Uh, have a great wedding. MEGHAN Thanks, you too. MEGHAN Have a great party. ALDEN Don’t forgot the cider. MEGHAN Yeah, yeah, oh— ALDEN There you go. MEGHAN Thanks and…thank you again. MEGHAN Okay, bye. MEGHAN Okay… DELLA Oh! MEGHAN Oh, Della! DELLA Meghan! MEGHAN That dress, you look fantastic. DELLA Thanks. MEGHAN Are you on your way over there? DELLA Yeah, um, they left your mom’s car for you, but I can wait. MEGHAN Oh, no, no, no, that’s okay. MEGHAN You can just go over there, let them know I am on my way. MEGHAN I have no cellphone. DELLA Oh, right. MEGHAN I’ll see you over there. MEGHAN Oh, um, I left that invitation in my luggage. MEGHAN What church is it at? DELLA First Congregational. MEGHAN Right, okay. MEGHAN Thank you, Della. MEGHAN Bye. DELLA Meghan? DELLA I’m such a bad person. DELLA I did such a bad thing. MEGHAN Della, what are you talking about? DELLA These past few days felt so captivating… DELLA ...and attractive and fun… DELLA And guys don’t go for me, you know they don’t. DELLA But Will did and I know the minute he sees you… DELLA …and walks down the aisle with you, he’s going to forget all about me. DELLA Who can blame him? DELLA You’re so fabulous, so I-- DELLA I don’t know what came over me. DELLA I think I lost my mind for a minute and-- MEGHAN So, you sent me to the wrong church. DELLA Yes. MEGHAN It’s okay, Della. MEGHAN Let’s get us to the right one. MEGHAN Come on, I’ll follow you. EDIE They’re getting a bit antsy in there. BLAIR Well, I suppose I could get married with no maid of honour. EDIE Oh, no, no, sweetheart. Will: They’re here. DELLA You waited! MEGHAN Thank you. BLAIR Meghan! MEGHAN Blair! MEGHAN You look transcendent. MEGHAN Hi, mom. BLAIR Wait, why are you wearing--? MEGHAN I’ll tell you about it later. MEGHAN Ah, Will, I’m Meghan. MEGHAN So nice to meet you. MEGHAN Best man and the maid of honour, they go behind the bridesmaids and the groomsmen, right? DELLA But no, Meghan, you’re the maid of honour. MEGHAN No time to change. MEGHAN Plus, you rehearsed it. MEGHAN So, what number bridesmaid are you? DELLA Number one. MEGHAN And who am I walking with? EDIE Oh, just one moment. EDIE Here you go, sweetheart. MEGHAN Thanks, mom. EDIE And for you. BLAIR Thanks, mom. MEGHAN Alright, let’s get this girl married. MEGHAN Wait, hold that thought. BLAIR I don’t know. BLAIR Oh, Meghan. MEGHAN Now, you’re ready to get married. BLAIR Thank you. MEGHAN Okay. BLAIR Oh, mom. EDIE Are you ready? BLAIR Yes. EDIE Okay, here we go. MEGHAN The proverbial “they” say that true love can overcome any obstacle. MEGHAN Although, I think snoring comes pretty close to being a dealbreaker, if you ask me. MEGHAN Jack and Blair, I don’t know what obstacles you had to overcome for the sake of your love… BLAIR You ever hear this guy pun? MEGHAN Oh, right. MEGHAN Right, yeah, there’s that, you do that. MEGHAN Well, okay, one thing. MEGHAN But let’s hope that’s it, now and forever. MEGHAN However, not all love is romantic. MEGHAN The love between two sisters is a pretty powerful one-two. MEGHAN It is. MEGHAN Ugh, and let me tell you, the obstacles I had to get through to get to this sister. MEGHAN Okay, here I go, um, an airport strike. MEGHAN A stolen car, stolen luggage, stolen phone. MEGHAN Which was the cruelest of them all… MEGHAN Oh, right, a van in a ditch. MEGHAN Um, a day without electricity or internet, which is not as gnarly as you think. MEGHAN An undersized serpentine belt, which I still don’t know what that is. MEGHAN A tow truck going at the speed of a snail. MEGHAN And a trip to the wrong church. MEGHAN Don’t worry about it. MEGHAN Now, I could have just stayed home and watch the countless uploads you guys are all going to post of this wedding – and don’t tell me you’re not going to. MEGHAN But not be there for my sister’s biggest day? MEGHAN I can’t imagine anything sadder. MEGHAN Because this sister has been the brightest star in my sky since as long as I can remember. MEGHAN Blair, to see you so beautiful… MEGHAN …with the rightest guy in the world for you? MEGHAN There is no obstacle that would have stopped me from being here today. MEGHAN I love you. BLAIR I love you, too. MEGHAN So, please raise your glass in helping me toast… MEGHAN …to the couple of this hour and every hour… MEGHAN …Jack and Blair Evans. MEGHAN Cheers. Meghan to CROWD I needed that after my day. MEGHAN Thanks for all being here. MEGHAN I think that’s probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. MEGHAN Yeah. BLAIR That was really sweet of you. BLAIR What you did at the church. MEGHAN Today’s all about love. MEGHAN How can I get in the way of that? BLAIR Well, you’ve only known each other for a day. MEGHAN Oh, come on, Blair. MEGHAN Think positive. BLAIR Hmm, by the way, you neglected to mention the biggest obstacle to you getting here. MEGHAN What? BLAIR Forty-eight hours joined at the hip with Alden Brown? BLAIR I mean, he must have driven you crazy. MEGHAN Actually, he didn’t. BLAIR No…? MEGHAN No. MEGHAN He wasn’t as bad as I thought he was. BLAIR Oh, well, I’m glad to hear that. MEGHAN What is her doing here? BLAIR You better go find out. BLAIR Meghan, go. BLAIR Thanks. JACK I know that guy. JACK We went to Central together. BLAIR Yeah, it’s Alden Brown. JACK Right…great guy. JACK Hands down the smartest kid in class. JACK Let’s go say hi. BLAIR Uh, why don’t we go talk to my mom? MEGHAN Wait, how did you know…? ALDEN Social media. ALDEN Half the people in here are live-updating us. MEGHAN Ugh, I knew it. MEGHAN So, why aren’t you at your dad’s party then? ALDEN I’m just taking a break. ALDEN They probably don’t even know I’m gone. ALDEN Thing is I was right. ALDEN They didn’t need me there. ALDEN I needed me to be there. ALDEN And… ALDEN I needed you to have this. ALDEN Top shelf of the family room. ALDEN Just like I thought. MEGHAN Oh, wow. MEGHAN You did not need to bring me this. ALDEN I have on good authority that I did. ALDEN And I also don’t have your number or your address in Seattle. MEGHAN Well, you know, FunForAll does have a contact me link. ALDEN About that… ALDEN See, I was thinking you could submit your proposal to Zadie and Charlie and I could submit mine… ALDEN But would it be any different? MEGHAN No, probably not, no. ALDEN So, I was thinking, what if we just submitted-- MEGHAN --one proposal. ALDEN Right. ALDEN And then we could— MEGHAN --share the business. ALDEN Right and then we’ll do the same thing with-- MEGHAN --Consolidated. ALDEN Yeah. MEGHAN We could stop chopping up the market. ALDEN And then we’ll just work together. MEGHAN Yeah, why fight to crowd each other out of the space? ALDEN That we love, when we can just-- MEGHAN --join forces, we could-- ALDEN --own it together. MEGHAN Fun Time Novelties. ALDEN Novelties R Fun. ALDEN That’s… MEGHAN Whatever. ALDEN Um… ALDEN Look, the bottom line is… ALDEN I don’t want to just maybe call you when we get to Seattle and maybe, sort of hang out. ALDEN I want to see you as soon as I can. ALDEN Like, as soon as you’re back. ALDEN Properly, like-- ALDEN Over dinner. MEGHAN Are you asking me out… MEGHAN …Alden Brown? ALDEN I think I am, Meghan Miller. MEGHAN Well, it took you long enough. ALDEN What can I say? ALDEN Girls mature faster than boys. MEGHAN I think we’ve debated that proposal. ALDEN Yeah, we did, and I won. ALDEN But my data were bogus. MEGHAN No doubt. ALDEN Okay, so just to be clear, we don’t hate each other anymore? MEGHAN I’m pretty sure that we don’t. ALDEN Um…I guess I should go back to my dad’s party. MEGHAN Oh, come on. MEGHAN One more dance? MEGHAN I could ask the DJ if he could play a waltz? ALDEN I don’t know. ALDEN I mean, I don’t want to steal Jack and Blair’s thunder. MEGHAN I think after all we’ve been through, we deserve to steal a little bit of it. MEGHAN Don’t you think?