APPLE APPLE_ONION_SONG APPLE_SONG AVOCADO_TOAST CANDY_COOKIE_SONG CEO CHICKEN_NUGGET CHILI_FRIES ENERGY_CAN FALAFEL HOAGIE HOT_DOG ICE_CREAM_SANDWICH KOBE_SLIDER MILK ONION SPARKLING_WATER ONION ah! what a nice little break from the day to catch up on some news articles. oh? HOAGIE alright and… drop the load! ONION evacuation complete! initiate wipe sequence! hm? arrrrr, apple! APPLE SONG floating, floating above the mountains. do do do dooo… floating above the mountains. yeaaah, modern art, heheheh. ONION apple? apple! apple!! APPLE what? ONION You can't keep using all the toilet paper! APPLE but it’s modern art! i thought you liked art. ONION i do, but why do you have to use toilet paper? APPLE cause it’s modern. ONION more like pretentious. APPLE you’re pretentious. FALAFEL hey onion! i need my newspaper. i put an advert for vacant apartment. ONION okay. FALAFEL where is my advert for vacant apartment? ONION i had an emergency. FALAFEL huh, i like this art. it is very pretenious. APPLE you’re pretentious. FALAFEL thank you! ONION i implore you to stop using all of our toilet paper! APPLE nonono…no, um, i’ll think of a different solution! i love movie night, the thing about movie night that i lo- shh! pay attention to the movie! CEO i’m just not sure about having your client be the face of our company. ENERGY CAN well, let the convincing begin. CEO hmmm? ENERGY CAN green juice, my girl, you are now the face of true blue sneakers, and i negotiated you a lifetime supply of true blue sneakers. who’s the manager? APPLE i have a solution for the toilet paper problem! ONION tell me it! APPLE okay, so we’re gonna make you the face of toilet paper and get a free lifetime supply of it so that i can finish my sculpture and you can stop using newspaper. ONION what? why wouldn’t you be the face of toilet paper? after all, this is your idea! APPLE because you’ve got something i haven’t… beautiful eyes! ONION even i can’t disagree with that! so, if i’m the model, what are you? APPLE i’m… the model manager. APPLE let’s do this! ONION here we go- uh-this… APPLE okay, i’m gonna do all the talking because as a model manager, i know how to talk to these people. hello, can my friend be a model, please? AVOCADO TOAST uh, yeah, does your client have any modeling experience? APPLE no, but look at his eyes! AVOCADO TOAST security! ONION well, we tried! but you heard avocado toast, no experience. you’re just going to have to stop using up all our toilet paper. APPLE what? no! did the guy in the movie we just watched give up? ONION i dunno, we didn’t finish it because a commercial came on and you said ‘let’s build a couch fort’ and we did. APPLE but from the part we watched: no!! if modeling experience is what you need to get that job, that’s what we’re gonna stinking get! ONION and then i won’t have to use newspaper? APPLE yes and then we will all be happy. ONION hahaha, you’re a hand! APPLE no i’m not! yes i am! no you can’t say ‘i’, i am i! no i am i! what the stink is going on? ONION i’ll let you figure this out on your own. APPLE okay, you can be i. i am i. APPLE ONION SONG i am i. i am i am i i, i. i am i am i i, i. APPLE okay onion, again i’m gonna do all the talking cause i’m the model manager and i know exactly how to talk to these people. hello, my client hasn’t got any modeling experience but needs some modeling experience and you’re gonna give it to him. KOBE SLIDER a-ha, we only hire models with experience. APPLE yeah, well that’s why we’re here, he’ll have experience once you- KOBE SLIDER thank you and goodbye. ONION if i can’t get any jobs because i have no experience, how on earth am i supposed to get experience? it’s a catch 22. APPLE what’s a catch 22? ONION oh that didn’t need to happen, i was already here. catch 22: a satirical novel by a ma- oh, wait there’s another definition. a paradoxical situation from which an individual cannot escape because of contradictory rules. APPLE so then what are we gonna do now? ONION let’s look at that cat for a clue. APPLE evil dogs! i know, we do what that cat just did! ONION you want me to lick my hand and clean my face? APPLE that would be cute, but no. we pretend we’re a dog even though we’re a cat. ONION we cheat and lie, yes. yes darling, i really have a lot of modeling experience now. oh look, it’s the paparazzi. HOT DOG oh wow, there’s that famous model, onion. oh…my goodness there’s a real famous person!! braised asparagus, over here! over here! APPLE the dogs knew we were a cat. KOBE SLIDER i dunno why i’m doing this. maybe because of your sad faces, but the way a model usually gets experience is by starting small, little jobs. APPLE alright let’s start small, then. FALAFEL why would i use onion for advertising my building vacancy? APPLE because he’s free. FALAFEL that’s a little outside my price range. APPLE oh alright, alright, you drive a hard bargain, i see, how about this? i’ll give you ten dollars. FALAFEL okay. but only because sunglasses. APPLE ONION SONG I'm a model manager Yes he is! and he is my client I'm the model I'm a model manager that's right CANDY COOKIE SONG we should move in there. yes we should! let’s buy stuff. we should! everything tastes better! yum! APPLE ONION SONG i’m a model manager it’s the truth! we know what we’re doing. talk to him! apple, the model manager. i’m the model! my client is the best. i’ve got nice eyes. listen to me and you- i’m on a coupon! will get a good deal yeah! you probably need a model for your diner! this is the best there is. hire me! getting lots of experience. what! building your portfolio. portfolio! soon you will be the face. the face! of baby boi tp. i’m on the menu. cause i’m a model manager! talk to him! APPLE this portfolio is amazing, onion. i think we’re ready. soon you’ll be complete. modern art. AVOCADO TOAST securi- APPLE wait! AVOCADO TOAST huh? um ah, um, miss chili fries? you’re gonna wanna see this. CHILI FRIES wow, breathtaking. umph, such raw energy! i’ve seen enough, onion, i’d like you to be the face of baby boi tp. APPLE let’s talk payment! we’d like a lifetime supply of toilet paper, please. CHILI FRIES hmm, i…like your management skills. done! CHILI FRIES now here’s the contract, if you wanna take a day or two to read it, i would highly recommend it i mean…it’s smart. APPLE done looks good sign!! CHILI FRIES i’ll be sure to get you the first crate of tp off the line. now let’s go get onion over to the photo studio. APPLE haha! ONION i can finally go to the toilet! APPLE and i can finish my modern art sculpture! ONION well done, model manager! APPLE hoo, yeaaah!!! ONION what the hazenuts, apple!? you said i was gonna be the face of toilet paper, not the face on toilet paper!! APPLE no-wait- n-no… ONION do you know what this means!? it means people are gonna… it means people are gonna… HOAGIE wipe it, got a little something right there! ONION with my face! APPLE sorry onion. ONION just go away please now apple. you aren’t a model manager. you’re just a guy with sunglasses. APPLE i will fix this. AVOCADO TOAST you’re too late. miss chili fries’ flight is about to take off. APPLE then let the being a good model manager, begin. APPLE one ticket to whatever airplance ceo chili fries is on, please! MILK i’m sorry, that flight’s full. APPLE okay, what about now? MILK actually, a seat just opened up! CHICKEN NUGGET woah woah woah, take your shoes off! APPLE chicken nugget!? CHICKEN NUGGET what? working airport security’s my third job. shoes!! neck pillow! stop! stop! you got anything else on you? APPLE no!!! oh- yeah, just these. CHICKEN NUGGET daaaaaang!! okay, keep it moving. APPLE hurry up, i need to use the toilet please! ICE CREAM SANDWICH sorry buddy, gonna be a while. oh! she’s all yours. APPLE i’ll have one chewing gum for free, please! SPARKLING WATER okay, yeah, but do i still get a hot meal? oh- sorry, sir, you’ll have to return to your seat— oh okay, uh, right sorry, of course. CHILI FRIES ugh, what are you doing here? APPLE take onion’s face off the toilet paper! CHILI FRIES it’s too late, we’ve never had more preorders. something about onion’s face on toilet paper turns out to be the winning combination. APPLE what about now? CHILI FRIES no. APPLE i ruined onion’s life all cause i wanted to finish my toilet paper family! CHILI FRIES your…what? APPLE just my modern art i’ve been working on about my family. i made it out of toilet paper, thought it’d be cool. CHILI FRIES wow, that would make a brilliant campaign. baby boi tp: great for the whole family. APPLE you wanna buy my toilet paper family!? CHILI FRIES how much for the concept? APPLE a lifetime supply of toilet paper. APPLE look what i did! ONION what? become a sellout? APPLE no i used my pretentious modern art to save your face from people’s- ONION well done. i guess you did it. APPLE onion did you not hear? i saved your face, look! ONION it’s just white! it’s just white! APPLE where you going? ONION oh, i think you know. APPLE just in case. ONION thanks apple. you da man- APPLE agerrrr. HOAGIE alright, nice and easy. woah woah woah, stop! it’s out of control! APPLE you alright in there?