APPLE APPLE_ONION_SONG BOWL CAN CANDY CHICKEN CHILI CHIP CONE CORN DOG DRUMSTICK GYRANOID ICE_TEA ONION PAGE PETIT_FOUR RAVIOLI SNOW SODA TORTILLA WALLA


APPLE
soon we’ll have the 40 dollars we need to
ride gyranoid of the future, the best,
fastest, spinniest, and best ride in the whole world.
done!
ONION
i’m afraid nobody wanted to buy your macaroni
shell necklaces. we’ll never make that 
40 dollars.
APPLE
i’ve already made that 40 dollars. i copied it
all!
ONION
apple! forging money is a federal offense!
plus, dollar’s spelt with an ‘a’, not an ‘e’. 
ONION
now how on earth are we going to make 
that money?
APPLE
what about saxophones?
CHICKEN
here’s 40 dollars!
DRUMSTICK
APPLE
thank you sir!
CHICKEN
it’s to be quiet!
DRUMSTICK
APPLE
thank you sir.
ONION
let’s go to gyranoid of the future now,
to avoid the lines!
APPLE
hey onion is driving without a license a 
federal offense or just a normal one?
ONION
i think it’s just a normal one. 
CHICKEN

DRUMSTICK
what the heck!? hrmm.
CHICKEN
dear ticket person: please wake us up when
DRUMSTICK
you get here.
CHICKEN
wake up!
DRUMSTICK
APPLE
oh, you again. two tickets to gyranoid of
the future, please!
CHICKEN
first purchase of the day gets 5 dollars off,
DRUMSTICK
so here. 
APPLE
spending money!

CHICKEN
take your tickets and be quiet!

DRUMSTICK

APPLE
of course, sir.
GYRANOID
the future is now!
APPLE
gyranoid of the future

CANDY
excuse me gentlemen, you look like fine,

APPLE
intellegient fellas.
ONION
why thank you, madam.
CANDY
though i’m assuming you’re here to ride my
APPLE
famous boat ride.

ONION
no, we’re gonna go on gyranoid-
CANDY
shh shh shh shh shh. imagine. floating

APPLE
peacefully in the water. taking a ride through
time from past to present. 
APPLE
presently, i think we’ll pass-t. 
ONION
thank you for the garbage boat offer though!
CANDY
well! i hope you like waiting in line because

APPLE
that’s all you’ll be doing!
dumb corn dog and his thrill ride, ohohoo!
ONION
lucky for us there is no line because we got 
here yesterday!
CORN


DOG


APPLE
hello sir.
i have to use the toilet. do you think there’s
time to use the toilet?
ONION
yes, but no dilly-dallying. 
APPLE
aw, what?
WALLA

CORN
i know, i know. hold your horses.

DOG
and stay behind the yellow line!
WALLA

ONION
we dilly-dallied, didn’t we?
APPLE
augh!
CANDY
it’s a really good deal. because there are

APPLE
vip golden tickets, okay? they allow you to
skip right to the front of the line! you just
have to trade your regular tickets…no?
all right, suit yourself!
APPLE
hey candy apple! 2 vip golden line skipping
tickets, please.
CANDY
hmmmm, i’m afraid i don’t offer that deal to

APPLE
anyone who’s already… past this trashcan.
so…yeah.
ONION
arrrgh!
APPLE
can you make an exception for us?
please. please. please. please. please. please.
CANDY
wellll, maybe just this one time. 

APPLE
vip
ONION
thanks candy apple. 
APPLE
excuse us, pardon us! very important 
ONION
ticket holders! / pardon us, pardon, pardon,
pardon.
CORN
what the heck d’you think you’re doing?

DOG

APPLE
we have vip golden tickets.
CORN
these are coupons for free small popcorn.

DOG
can’t you read?
WALLA

CORN
stop your yelling, you’ll all get your turn!

ONION
but candy apple said-
CORN
there’s your first problem. never trust candy
DOG
apple. now if you’d excuse me, i have a lot of 
unruly people with real tickets to deal with. 
CORN
alright who’s next? no-no no, don’t push!

DOG
you calm down!

APPLE
i can’t believe we got scammed by that stinking
scammy apple. that’s what we should call her
instead of candy apple. 
ONION
yes, and all now we’ve got left is five stinking
spending money dollars! and not two tickets
to gyranoid.
SNOW
win two tickets to gyranoid! only fiiiiive

CONE
dollars!
hello gentlemen! i’m snow cone, and all you
have to do is punch this punching bag, get 
over 100, and the tickets are yours. it’s easy,
look! huh, there it is.
ONION
yeah right. hey, apple, snow cone should be
called- apple? apple?
SNOW

CONE


APPLE
gnnnnnnn!!! gnnnnarrgh!!
SNOW
aw, that’s a shame. not a winner.
CONE

APPLE
snow cone! he should be called scam cone!
ONION
well that’s exactly what i was about to say
before you handed over the rest of our money!
ONION
everyone knows all. carnival. games. are.
rigged. 
APPLE
then. why. do. they. pay. to. play. 
ONION
i dunno, they just do!
APPLE
what if we had our own game that people paid to 
play?
ONION
let’s. do. it.
APPLE
try our brand new game!
ONION
only ten dollars!
APPLE
how about you sir? simply toss the ball 
through the hole, and you win!
SODA
no.
CAN
ONION
step right up. just fiiiive dollars!
APPLE
how about you madam? throw a ring around
the stick!
PETIT FOUR
no.
APPLE
pop a balloon and win a prize!
ONION
we’re slashing prices, only one dollar!
RAVIOLI
i’ll give it a go!
RAVIOLI
wait a minute… this isn’t a dart. it’s a
french fry!
ONION
it’s quite crispy. it still might pop the
balloon. 
RAVIOLI
i want my money back!
APPLE
can we have our french fry back? it took
me a long time to paint it. 
RAVIOLI
i’ve already eaten it and it was horrible. 
APPLE
because it was covered with paint. 
ONION
ticket sales end at 7pm. 6:35 pm!? definitely
not enough time. let’s give up. 
APPLE
but at least we should go and get our free
small popcorns before we leave. 
ONION
two free small popcorns please.
TORTILLA
yeah, we’ve actually run out of smalls, so
CHIP
i’m required by law to let you choose between
medium and giant.
ONION
well the giant one would feed 100 people
and we are not wasteful by nature so i 
guess we’ll take-
ONION
giant please.

APPLE ONION SONG
just one dollar, is all you need /  
winning our game is guaranteed. so step right
up and take a chance / win some popcorn, and
do a nice dance.

APPLE
get the ball in the cup and you’re a winner!
ONION
winner!
APPLE
winner!
ONION
what is this?
ICE TEA
a pen?
APPLE
winner!
ONION
what’s your name?
CHILI
chili bowl.
BOWL

APPLE
winner!

BOWL


APPLE
enough for gyranoid tickets! now let’s look
at the big clock to see how much time we have
left to get to the ticket booth!
ONION
only 30 seconds!
APPLE
now let’s look at the ticket booth to
see how far it is!
APPLE
far!

APPLE
two gyranoid tickets please!
CHICKEN
hmph. you’re short one dollar. 

DRUMSTICK


ONION
apple! just throw it!
APPLE
nooooooooooooooooooo

ONION
oooo-yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!
DRUMSTICK
ONION
there goes our future. we’ll never get to
ride gyranoid now.
APPLE
and it’s all because of-
APPLE
scammy apple!
CANDY
if you trade me for these tickets, you can 

APPLE
skip right to the front of the line!
ONION
stop! that trader’s a traitor!


APPLE
give us back our tickets!

APPLE
a dinosaur! 
and now a caveman. oh i get it, it’s like
traveling through time. 
ONION
this must be the cave person era. look!
it’s forefathers!
APPLE
it’s only two fathers. 
first person on the moon! ahahaha. 
ONION
that was actually not that bad. except for
all the trash and rubbish and weeds and stuff.
CANDY
well, it didn’t used to be that way. 

APPLE
a story!

ONION
no apple, she’s the enemy!

APPLE
but can we just hear the story?
CANDY
there was a time when this ride was the most

APPLE
most popular ride in the park. people just
loved my boat ride! the twinkling lights, the
realistic animatronics, it was state of the art!
until corn dog arrived with his gyranoid of
the future. people were less impressed with
my ride, they all wanted to go on gyranoid. 
soon, no one even noticed my boats. 
me and my ride were totally forgotten. 
i guess i started taking it out on corn dog
CANDY
and the gyranoid riders. i’m sorry i took 
APPLE
your tickets.
ONION
we’re sorry about your life.
CANDY
eh it doesn’t matter. you guys go on and

APPLE
ride your ride. it’s finally time for me to
close mine down. the days of my ride are.
in the past. 
CORN
last chance to step into the future today!

DOG
get in line now or miss out!

ONION
from the past to the future…
from the past to the future!
that’s it, apple!

APPLE
ladies and gentlemen!
ONION
the gyranoid line is now this way! 

CORN
step right up and continue your travel
DOG
through time all the way from the distant 
past to gyranoid of the future!
y’know i gotta hand it to you guys, you
sure found a way to solve my line problem. 
CANDY
yeah, and my ride’s the perfect thing to 

APPLE
keep them occupied now that you cleaned
it up! say, maybe you and i can work together
from now on. 

CORN
why don’t we split the money and keep this 

DOG
as a 2 for 1 ride?
CANDY
deal. 

CORN
and how about you two? i bet you’d still like 

DOG
a spin on gyranoid?
ONION
i hate it!!


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