APPLE APPLE_ONION_SONG BABY BROWN_BAG BURGER BUTTER CANNED_TOMATO CHEWING_GUM CHICKEN_NUGGET CHILDREN COTTON_CANDY DOGS FRENCH_FRY HARD_TOFFEE HOAGIE HOT_DOG ICE_CREAM JELLY_BABY JUICE_BOX OLD_PEOPLE_CROWD OLD_PEOPLE_WALL OLD_PEOPLE_WALLA ONION PIZZA PIZZAS_MOM PRALINE ROOTBEER_FLOAT SOUP_CARTON TAP_WATER WALLA BUTTER Good afternoon. Butter here. Heat wave continues. city swelters and the misery goes on and on and on and on.. ICE CREAM JELLY BABY TAP WATER APPLE ONION SONG it’s very very hot but we say don’t be miserable apple and onion will make it less difficult with singing, and dancing, and ice pops to give- my friend apple and onion will make you wanna live- again APPLE hey ice cream, you’re looking all askew. APPLE here! ONION here! ICE CREAM Thank you! ONION hey jelly baby, your feet have turned to goo. APPLE here! ONION here! JELLY BABY Thank you! APPLE hey tap water. hot weather got you blue? ONION hey tap water. hot weather got you blue? TAP WATER Yes, I both feel blue and am blue, although technically I’m actually colorless. APPLE here! ONION here! TAP WATER thank you! CANNED TOMATO No! No more! You get out of here! HARD TOFFEE But I’m trying as hard as I can! CANNED TOMATO No, you’re not! You don’t understand! HOT DOG BURGER APPLE Why are you all sitting outside? PIZZA Ugh! Man, we’re trying to cool down. It’s too hot in the diner, what with all the ovens and everything. time for my shift. i’m going in! PIZZAS MOM ONION They’re very miserable. APPLE Which means. APPLE ONION SONG oooooooooooohhhhh. it’s very very hot- ONION Wait. We’ve got no more ice lollies. APPLE How are we going to make our friends happy without ice lollies?! HARD TOFFEE Oh, dear me. APPLE What’s this? Excuse me! You dropped something. HARD TOFFEE Oh, thank you. Hey, You’re the guys that were handing out ice pops earlier! ONION Yes, but now we’ve run out of ice lollies. HARD TOFFEE You’re happiness spreaders. ONION Yes! I suppose we are. APPLE We can spread that frown upside down. HARD TOFFEE Perfect! Now look at my flier! APPLE Can you make people happy? Well then, make our residents happy, and win yourself a brand new air conditioner! ONION Can you make people happy? Well then, make our residents happy, and win yourself a brand new air conditioner! APPLE You’re giving away an air conditioner? HARD TOFFEE It’s my own personal one, that's how desperate I am. ONION Are you thinking what I’m thinking? APPLE Yeah! We can use the cold air from the air conditioner to make more ice lollies! ONION Noooo. I was thinking- PIZZAS MOM HOT DOG BURGER PIZZA FRENCH FRY COTTON CANDY APPLE ONION SONG we know how to make people happy, yes! apple and onion: happiness sreaders APPLE I still think my idea was better. ONION It wasn’t. APPLE Yeah, it was. ONION No. HARD TOFFEE Guys, can you help me? You see I work at a retirement center where the old folks have been unhappy for years. I’ve tried everything but there’s no making them happy. I can’t bear it anymore. So, I’m holding an open mic contest tonight, and if you make them happy, you will win my air conditioner. PIZZAS MOM HOT DOG BURGER FRENCH FRY COTTON CANDY APPLE You know what, everyone? We’re gonna win you that air conditioner! Sign us up! ONION You know what, everyone? We’re gonna win you that air conditioner! Sign us up! PIZZAS MOM HOT DOG BURGER FRENCH FRY COTTON CANDY HARD TOFFEE Great! Names? APPLE Apple, with two P’s. HARD TOFFEE a p p l e. ONION Onion, with two O’s. HARD TOFFEE What? Oonion? ONION No. An O at the beginning and an O at the end. HARD TOFFEE Oh! Onino. ONION No- HARD TOFFEE I gotta get outta here. If I’m gone for too long, the old folks will bite my head off! ONION Sounds like this is going to be a tough crowd, Apple. APPLE Then time to. APPLE Practice making people happy time! ONION Practice making people happy time! ONION With our happiness-making-arsenal of ice lollies, singing and dancing! APPLE Is this enough? ONION If it’s all of them then yes! All of the ice lollies please. APPLE argh! ONION ice lollies eliminated from our happiness- making- arsenal but not to worry because we still have singing and dancing. APPLE Miserable and wretched dogs! APPLE ONION SONG we know how to make people-and dogs- happy- yes! / apple and onion! / happiness spread-ers! we know how to make people-and dogs- happy- yes! / apple and onion! / happiness spread-ers! CHILDREN ROOTBEER FLOAT shh! DOGS ROOTBEER FLOAT shh! ROOTBEER FLOAT shh! shh! ONION ice lollies and singing eliminated from our happiness-making-arsenal but not to worry because we still have dancing. I'm alright. ONION Miserable person! HOAGIE Huh? APPLE Haha! ONION Haha! HOAGIE Heh heh HOAGIE Hey, hey, let me out so I can dance properly. ONION Of course, sir. HOAGIE Woo! Free! CHICKEN NUGGET hey! that guy was a criminal, and now you’re criminals! arrggh! CHICKEN NUGGET I said stop! I'm putting you under even more arrest now! APPLE Haha Good thing we set that trap for Chicken Nugget. CHICKEN NUGGET This isn’t delicious dipping sauce. It’s cement! Again? APPLE All the weapons in our happiness spreading arsenal are gone! How are we gonna win that air conditioner now? ONION Hey! We still have our smiles- Don’t we? APPLE Yeah, let’s check! How does mine look. ONION How about mine, is mine ok? I think we’ve run out of happiness. Our happiness meter is empty. APPLE Seen. ONION We must have used it all up trying to make everyone happy this morning. We’ll never be ready for the old people. APPLE Time to give up. ONION Time to give up. BUTTER Now for tomorrow’s forecast. Even hotter. Help. APPLE Sorry everyone, but we decided not to- BABY ONION Shh. Do you hear that? ONION Endorphins! APPLE Bless you. ONION No, Chocolate releases Endorphins. APPLE Bless you. ONION Endorphins- APPLE Bless you. ONION Give people happiness. And happiness replenishes people’s, in other words- our- Happiness meter! APPLE Bless you. ONION I didn’t even say endorphins that time! APPLE Chocolate! ONION Chocolate! ONION Quick! Let’s eat it before it melts in this searing heat! ONION I can feel it! APPLE And I can feel it! Let’s go win that air conditioner for our friends! ONION To victory! JUICE BOX Savages. SOUP CARTON CANNED TOMATO Do we look like children to you? OLD PEOPLE CROWD SOUP CARTON HARD TOFFEE Well, that was our last contestant. You’ve scared everyone else off. I hope you’re happy now. CANNED TOMATO We’re not. APPLE Victooryyyy. ONION Victooryyyy. HARD TOFFEE Hang on ,there’s still a chance. It’s Apple and Onino, The happiness spreaders! APPLE ONION SONG we know how to make people happy- yes. / apple and onion. / happiness spread-ers. OLD PEOPLE WALL ONION This sugar crash is awful. APPLE What’s a sugar crash? ONION A sugar crash is a sudden loss of energy that usually occurs within 4 hours of consuming large amounts of sugar. APPLE Oh APPLE We’re not happiness spreaders at all. We’re miserable. ONION We’re miserable wretches. APPLE ONION SONG mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee APPLE It feels like a hundred-thousand years ago. Will I ever smile again? I just don’t know. ONION Memories of our former happy selves now fade. Almost like those memories, were never really made. BROWN BAG OLD PEOPLE WALLA APPLE What’s happening? ONION What’s happening? CANNED TOMATO Ohh, that song you just sang! We have misery too. We’ve had it for years. But, oh! This is the first time I’ve ever felt. You know understood. OLD PEOPLE WALL Understood! CHEWING GUM It feels like when your knees hurt and you stand up and it pops back into place. PRALINE Yeah! Ah CANNED TOMATO Haha, it’s OK everyone. HARD TOFFEE All this time I’ve been making the wrong sound. “Be happy”, “Come on, cheer up.” And all they really needed was a sad and beautiful song. Somehow, it worked! The winners: Apple and Onino! ONION onino!! BUTTER Breaking News. The heat wave continues. But somehow, a little diner in the centre of town, a little winter wonderland has popped up, and I’ve never seen anything like it. WALLA APPLE ONION SONG oooohhh. we know how to make people happy. and also identify with those who are unhappy. yes! / apple and onion. happiness spread-ers! PAGE