APPLE APPLE_SONG BAKEWELL_TART BURRITO EVERYONE_SONG ONION ONION_SONG PIZZA PIZZAS_MUM RAVIOLI SALAMI SWEDISH_HERRING YAK APPLE And what about if I tie you to a helium balloon, and then you fly to a cloud? You can swim in a cloud, because it’s made of water. Shall we do it? APPLE Haha, Wait, what was I...? - Oh yeah, I was making my bed! APPLE SONG Making my bed. What? Making my bed. Who? Me. Make my bed at ten past two. No? Two after noon. Wait, Two after what? I said two after noon. Oh. And I’m singing this tune. APPLE SONG To the squeaky floorboard. To the sound of the squeak. And a creak- APPLE Ah. Hmmm. APPLE Onion’s secret dream. Do you think Onion knows about this, Tadpole? Haha. APPLE The Great Baking Duo. Who will be this week’s winners? ONION You still haven’t made your bed? Did you lose focus again? APPLE Yeah. ONION Well I’ve made lunch anyway. Today we have... ONION Butter-fluffed pancakes, with an outer caramel crisp, topped with a whipped elderflower cream. ONION My secret dream is coming true. My secret dream is coming true. My secret dream is coming true... ONION Apple, what is wrong with you? Apple, what is wrong with you? APPLE Wake up! Someone wants to speak to you. ONION Huh? Wha? What is it? BAKEWELL TART Hello Onion, Bakewell Tart from the Great Baking Duo here. ONION BAKEWELL TART Apple told us all about you. And, we want you on the show! Can’t wait to see you and a partner tomorrow! TURRAH! ONION How did you do this? APPLE Oh, It’s a long story. I’ll tell you it! It all started when I was trying to make my bed. As usual I lost focus, this time it was a squeaky floorboard that was the culprit, I started singing a song like Buff Up My Head and dancing around… and you said It’s Bakewell Tart from the Great Beaking Duo here and you had a whole conversation with her… APPLE I didn’t hear any of that ...and then Bakewell Tart hung up, and you said how did you do this? ONION Eh, Ok, I know the rest. APPLE And don’t worry, because I have the perfect partner for you. ONION Oh good. APPLE I’ll go and get them. APPLE It's me, APPLE!!! ONION Oh bad. ONION You know what? This can work. Just as long as you focus, we’ll be great! ONION Apple? APPLE What have you done with my Tadpole? PIZZAS MUM So we’re clear boys? We let you borrow our kitchen, it’s gotta be spic and span when we get back. ONION You have our solemn word of honor. PIZZA We’re going dancin! APPLE Ha ha! It’s funny how they say “dancing” isn’t it? “Dancing”, ha ha! ONION Ok. The cake we’re going to make for this competition is a difficult cake. A lime leaf velvet, with a rose and blueberry filling, made with the cream of a Himalayan mountain yak. YAK MOOO! APPLE Hahaha. ONION And it’s topped with our secret weapon, the Pop-Snap Pear and Ginger Diamonds! APPLE What the heck is that man? ONION I’d like you to mix the batter. Now it’s really important that you pulse the mixture, that's what will give it its velvety texture. APPLE Velvety texture. ONION Now what do you need to remember? APPLE To focus. ONION I believe in you. APPLE Because I can do it! Place four cups of flour, two cups of sugar, three eggs Blah blah blah blah… Okay! APPLE Pulse the mixture, like you said. ONION Well done, Apple. APPLE SONG Four cups flour, feel the power. Two cups sugar, this is how we cook-a. Three eggs begz me, to put ‘em in the batter. Five hundred grams of butter get us fatter. APPLE I lost focus, didn’t I? ONION Yes. APPLE Velvety. ONION Alright look, I think I can save the cake, but you’re going to have to finish making the Pop-snap Pear and Ginger Diamonds. You’ve got to really follow the recipe, because if you get it even a little bit wrong, they can explode. APPLE Ok Onion. This time... I am focus. ONION And... I am belief. I mean, I am belief. ONION Huh. I don’t know what happened with that first one. Huh. I went all high pitched. APPLE Put on safety googles. Use Bunsen burner to blah, blah, blah... Okay. APPLE SONG Safety goggles first. Bunsen burner on. Sixty mils pulp, water all gone. Three seven dot five, liquid bee hive. Into nine zero two of bicarbonate solu... ...tion. Tion. Tion. Tion. Tion. ONION Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. ONION You lost focus again. APPLE Yeah, but look. I did it perfect. PIZZAS MUM Oh, look at that! Spic and Span. PIZZAS MUM PIZZA APPLE I’m sorry I messed up our practice, Onion. ONION Look, I think we’re giving you too much to focus on, so tomorrow on the show, you’re going to ONLY focus on reading the recipe. I’ll take care of everything else. APPLE I’ll be the best recipe reader of all time. Goodnight. ONION Goodnight. BAKEWELL TART Hello, I’m Bakewell Tart. Welcome to another episode of The Great Baking Duo. It’s gonna be cooking. It’s gonna be smoking. It’s gonna be steaming. And, it is going to be baking. I have to say that because it’s in the title of the show. Let’s meet our contestants. RAVIOLI Hi, I’m Ravioli. SWEDISH HERRING And I’m Swedish Herring. And we think this competition is gonna be... RAVIOLI A piece of cake! SWEDISH HERRING A piece of cake! SALAMI Hi, I’m Salami. BURRITO And I’m Burrito. And we think this competition is gonna be... SALAMI A slice of pie. BURRITO A slice of pie. ONION Hello, we’re Apple and Onion and we think this competition is going to be... APPLE Are we inside Television? APPLE Is anyone looking at us? ONION A portion of pudding. BAKEWELL TART Chefs, you know the rules. Two hours, one cake, and all the imagination you can muster. That’s muster, no mustard. Haha. Teams... Bake Away! ONION Ok recipe reader! I’m ready for instruction number one. APPLE Instruction number one. APPLE Place four cup… spoons of flour, two, two...empty cups of sugar, thirty eggs and... two grams of butter into the mixture. ONION Ready for instruction number two. APPLE Number two. APPLE Woah! Hahaha. ONION Apple? APPLE Yes! Uh, crush the blueberries along with the garlic and eggs. Curdle the milk until it turns sour and pruny. Fold the vinegar into the strawberry milkshake before adding the ketchup and chocolate. BAKEWELL TART Bakers! 30 Minutes and 59 seconds left!! APPLE Whisk all the salt into the batter until it’s soft and scruffy. Set the oven to minus ten degrees and place the cake inside! APPLE Done. ONION And our final touch. ONION We did it. Well done, Apple! APPLE Well, At least it didn't ex- APPLE …plode. APPLE Ahh. I must have got... ONION Distracted! You lost focus again! Right Apple. You’re no longer my partner. I’m doing this on my own! BAKEWELL TART This isn’t The Great Baking Singles… we tried that show, it was sad. ONION Well then. Well then.. My partner will be... This spoon! BAKEWELL TART Good enough. APPLE I’m not getting replaced by a spoon! I’m your partner, and I can read the recipe! So, give me it! ONION No, you had your chance. APPLE No I can do it. Give me it! ONION No. No. No. No. APPLE/ONION APPLE/ONION Oooh. Oooh. Oooh! Oooh! ONION Apple, you’ve ruined everything! My one chance to win The Great baking duo... GONE. I wish you’d never found out about my secret dream. APPLE I should have found you a partner who could do it... Instead of me I wish I knew how to focus. BAKEWELL TART With only twenty minutes to go, do you feel like there is any hope for you in this competition? ONION We’ve exploded our cake, our recipe was eaten by a frog and I can’t remember any of it, so no... there’s no hope. APPLE SONG Four cups flour, feel the power. Two cups- ONION Wait, what are you singing? APPLE Aw nothing, just a recipe song I made up when I couldn’t focus on anything. APPLE SONG Four cups flour, feel the power. Two cups sugar, this is how we cook-a. Three eggs begz me, to put ‘em in the batter. Four hundred grams of butter get us fatter. Crush the pink, till it drips like ink. Squash the purple, sixty five little circles. Cream of the Himalayan mountain Yak. Whisk it till its fluffy in the bowl like that. Whisk it. Whisk it. Whisk it. Whisk it. Whisk whisk whisk whisk Safety goggles first. Bunsen burner on. Sixty mils pulp, water all gone. Three seven dot five, liquid bee hive. Into nine zero two of bicarbonate solu... EVERYONE SONG ...tion. Tion. Tion. Tion. Tion. Tion. Tion. Tion. APPLE SONG And the countdown timer went three, two, one! ONION SONG And the countdown timer went three, two, one! BAKEWELL TART What a great show our contestants have put on for us today...But as we all know, this isn’t about the contestants... No No. It’s about the cakes, and the only way your cakes know how to talk... ...is by getting in my mouth. Let’s get tasting. BAKEWELL TART It’s gentle but um, powerful, a real assault on the tongue. Excellent work boys. SALAMI Eeeee!!! BURRITO Eeeee!!! BAKEWELL TART It tastes of fish. Be proud. SWEDISH HERRING There’s no fish ingredients. BAKEWELL TART Well, it certainly looks nice. But after all that kerfuffle between you two, it’s gotta taste horrible... but...I am contractually obliged to try every contestants cake so- BAKEWELL TART Apple and Onion win. They win everything. BAKEWELL TART I think I retire now. APPLE I’m just happy that we managed to make Onion’s dream come true. He deserves it because he’s the best cook I’ve ever met. Apart from maybe Pizza. Pizza’s good. And Pizza’s mum, she’s good too. But all three of them are very very good.. ONION Well, you know what? I couldn’t have done it without my friend Apple. ONION In the end, you saved the day. And all because of your amazing ability to focus... on the power of music! APPLE Wait a minute... APPLE ... Frog is Tadpole because of how long it took to say that story. Haha!