ALAN CONNELL DENISE ERIC JACK KIERNAN LORRAINE MARIANNE MR_BAKSHI ROB MARIANNE I’m gonna cum - CONNELL Good - MARIANNE Fuck - CONNELL Good - MARIANNE Oh my God - CONNELL Good - MARIANNE Yeah. Yeah I’d. Yeah, I’d like that. MARIANNE Will anyone else be there? CONNELL No. MARIANNE I’ll think about it. MARIANNE Are you sure we can’t take our clothes off. CONNELL No, I. I said I’d take Lorraine to the shops and. This is. MARIANNE You were tempted though. For a second. CONNELL Not really. MARIANNE I tempted you. CONNELL You’re such a strange person. CONNELL You’ll come on Saturday? ALAN Where are you going? ALAN Yeah, figured that, out where? MARIANNE Why d’you care? ALAN Odd to see you leave the house on a Saturday evening.. MARIANNE I’m going for a walk. ALAN On your own? Jesus, that’s a bit sad. MARIANNE Oh yeah. You’re really living it up in here with your toast, aren’t you? ALAN Get fucked, Marianne. CONNELL Hey. MARIANNE Hey. CONNELL Do you want a drink or anything? MARIANNE You have a lot of posters. CONNELL You don’t? CONNELL Too cool. MARIANNE I don’t think cool is the first word that most people would associate with me. CONNELL Oh yeah? What would that be? MARIANNE I don’t know. Annoying. Or obnoxious. Argumentative. MARIANNE Self righteous. Arrogant. Frigid - CONNELL Stop it. No one says that about you. MARIANNE People do say I’m annoying. CONNELL Yeah and so what. I’m sure someone out there is saying that about me. MARIANNE They’re not. No one finds you annoying. Shy people aren’t annoying. CONNELL You think I’m shy? MARIANNE Aren’t you? CONNELL Just because I don’t give my opinion on everything all the time. MARIANNE You never give an opinion about anything. Ever. CONNELL You always know what you think. I’m not like that. MARIANNE You must know what you feel though? CONNELL No. CONNELL I struggle with that actually. I might look back on something and think how I felt at the time, but while it’s happening I never have any idea. MARIANNE So how do you know what you want? CONNELL I don’t. Most of the time I don’t have a clue. MARIANNE And what about now? MARIANNE Can we take our clothes off now? CONNELL Yeah. MARIANNE You as well. CONNELL Right. Yeah. MARIANNE Can I ask you something. CONNELL Yeah. MARIANNE It’s not really my business. CONNELL Okay. MARIANNE Do you do this a lot? CONNELL What do you mean - This. MARIANNE Coming over to girls’ houses after school and sort of. Seducing them or whatever. CONNELL Is that what you think I was doing? Coming over to your house with some grand plan of seducing you? You told me you liked me. MARIANNE I do like you. But so do lots of girls. CONNELL Right. Well. I’ve got no idea about that. I wasn’t going to your house with some ulterior motive I just. I just liked talking to you. CONNELL Couldn’t I say you were seducing me? MARIANNE I was trying. I just didn’t think it would work. CONNELL Well. It did. MARIANNE There are much prettier girls in school who like you - CONNELL Is this okay? MARIANNE Yes. CONNELL Do you like that? MARIANNE Yeah. MARIANNE Yeah. That feels so good. MARIANNE Do you have a condom? CONNELL Yeah. Is that what you want? MARIANNE Yes. CONNELL Is this your first time doing this? MARIANNE Yeah. Is that okay? CONNELL No yeah, it’s fine. Just like, if you want to stop or whatever, obviously we can stop. MARIANNE I doubt I will want that. CONNELL Yeah, but. I mean, if it hurts or anything, we can stop. It won’t be awkward, you can just say. MARIANNE Thanks. CONNELL And I think you’re very pretty. By the way. MARIANNE Don’t. MARIANNE Can we...? CONNELL Are you sure? MARIANNE Yes. Very. CONNELL Are you okay? CONNELL Does it hurt? MARIANNE A bit. It’s fine. It’s nice. MARIANNE Does it feel okay? CONNELL You’re really wet. CONNELL It’s not hurting? CONNELL Hey. LORRAINE I’m not asking. CONNELL What? LORRAINE Why your bedclothes are in the washing machine. I’m not asking. CONNELL You think the worst of everything. LORRAINE Excuse me, I must be the most permissive mother of anyone in your school. As long as you’re using protection, you can do what you want. LORRAINE Well? CONNELL Well what? LORRAINE Is that a yes? CONNELL Yes what? CONNELL Obviously I didn’t have unprotected sex with anyone while you were gone - Jesus. LORRAINE What’s her name then? ERIC The fuck you playing at Waldron? CONNELL Uh. ERIC You had a free house on Saturday and you didn’t tell anyone? The fuck is up with that? CONNELL Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t think. ROB You didn’t think about the potential to get wrecked in your free gaff? That is literally unimaginable to me. ERIC In fairness, the potential to get wrecked is literally all you think about - ROB I’m proud of that fact - ERIC What did you get up to instead? CONNELL Nothing. Studying. ERIC Jesus Christ Waldron. I despair. CONNELL Yep. I’m the worst. CONNELL Is anyone else here? MARIANNE Is it weird? At school? CONNELL What d’you mean. MARIANNE Pretending nothing’s happening. MARIANNE I’m trying really hard to make it normal. When I look at you - is it distracting? CONNELL Yeah, I can notice it. MARIANNE But you have people looking at you all the time. MARIANNE You like it. CONNELL Ten percent I do like it but ninety percent it stresses me out. MARIANNE Is that how you feel about me in general? CONNELL Yeah, ninety percent of the time you wreck my head, but the other ten percent is ok. MARIANNE I like you basically a hundred percent. CONNELL Well, that’s nice of you. And I was joking. MARIANNE You know at that football match. I was watching you play and, honestly, you looked so beautiful, I just kept thinking how much I wanted to watch you have sex. And I mean not even with me, with anybody. How good it would feel. MARIANNE Is that really weird? CONNELL Yeah. Yeah, that’s really weird Marianne. CONNELL But I think I understand. ERIC Can I get your notes? MARIANNE Do you not want me to be there? CONNELL Why would I mind? MARIANNE Might be a bit weird for you. Me. And all your friends in a nightclub together. CONNELL No. CONNELL Just trying to imagine you selling raffle tickets for a school event, that’s all. MARIANNE Karen cornered me. Felt a bit. Churlish to refuse. CONNELL Isn’t that your entire vibe? CONNELL The whole Debs thing is so lame anyway. One of those things I don’t get why we still do. MARIANNE I mean. Point at any patriarchal structure in the world and say that. MARIANNE Well. I hope you don’t find it too hard trying to resist me. CONNELL Don’t I always? MARIANNE Do you? CONNELL Yeah. You’ve totally fucked my concentration levels. I don’t think I’ve learned anything for weeks. MARIANNE I think you’ve learned a lot - CONNELL Funny. MARIANNE I know. ERIC Looking well, Rachel. ERIC And Karen. Well. You have a nice personality. ROB Very ladylike. ERIC Show some respect. CONNELL Roll that window up, will you? ROB What’re you so pissed off about? ERIC He’s jealous. Doesn’t want anyone talking to Rachel. JACK Ohhhh, interesting. CONNELL No. ROB She’s all over you. JACK Fuck knows why. ROB She probably thinks Waldron is pure sensitive and emotional because he never fucking says anything. CONNELL Would you ever think of trying that technique yourself? CONNELL Right. Don’t take long in there, I’ve to get home. KIERNAN You’re coming to O’Briens later? ERIC He better. CONNELL Yeah, I’ll be there. ROB Here, I didn’t know your mam worked in the Sheridans’ house. CONNELL Oh yeah. Last year I think she started there. Where d’you hear that? ROB Alan was telling me. You know, the brother. Have you ever been in there yourself? Into the mansion. CONNELL A few times, yeah. ROB What’s it like inside? CONNELL Well. Big. Obviously. ROB What’s Marianne like in her natural habitat? CONNELL I wouldn’t know. I don’t really see her. ROB I’d say she thinks of you as her butler, does she? CONNELL I doubt that. ROB But your mam is her housemaid, isn’t she? CONNELL She’s just a cleaner. She’s only there like. Twice, sometimes three times a week. I don’t think they interact that much. ROB Does Marianne not have a little bell she could ring to get her attention? ERIC They didn’t have spring rolls. Got you a chilli chips. CONNELL Sound. Thanks. MARIANNE Fuck - Connell. Yeah? MARIANNE (CONT’D) CONNELL MARIANNE Is there anyone you have a crush on? In school. MARIANNE (CONT’D) What? CONNELL I’m literally still inside you. MARIANNE What about Rachel? CONNELL Why d’you say that. MARIANNE She’s pretty. CONNELL I don’t have strong feelings either way. MARIANNE She has a nice face. CONNELL So do you. MARIANNE What are you thinking about? CONNELL College. CONNELL I don’t know why I put Law. I can’t remember why I thought that was a good idea. MARIANNE Job prospects. CONNELL I can’t visualise it. I can’t see myself with a tie on. Convicting people of crimes. I just couldn’t think of what to put. MARIANNE You should study English. CONNELL Do you actually think I should or are you joking? MARIANNE I actually think you should. It’s the only subject you really enjoy. And you spend all your time reading. CONNELL Not all my time. CONNELL Where would I study English? Galway? MARIANNE You could come to Trinity. CONNELL You’re pretty confident you’re gonna get in are you? CONNELL Then we’d be in college together. I bet you’d pretend not to know me if we bumped into each other. MARIANNE I would never pretend not to know you, Connell. CONNELL Would you not? MARIANNE No. CONNELL Alright. I’ll put down English at Trinity then. MARIANNE Really? CONNELL Yeah. Sure. Who gives a fuck about job prospects anyway? DENISE How’s it going? MARIANNE Yeah, good. Nearly done. DENISE Well done. D’you want a tea? MARIANNE No thanks. DENISE Alan? Tea? ALAN No ta. DENISE I thought I’d go take a look at Wellington Road next weekend. MARIANNE Right. DENISE The bathroom needs retiling. You could pick a colour out since you’ll be the one looking at it. MARIANNE Yeah? Thanks, I’d like that. MARIANNE Don’t want to tempt fate though. Might not get in. DENISE That’s not the attitude Marianne. MARIANNE Yeah. DENISE Last push. MARIANNE Yeah. DENISE There’s the loveliest walk along the canal, just nearby. DENISE We used to cycle along it to get to class. MARIANNE You cycled? DENISE I did. DENISE Alan - ? ALAN Going to the pub. DENISE Long time ago. CONNELL Is it okay if I cum in your mouth - MR BAKSHI Morning all. Can everyone put their Civil War essays on their desks and I can come round and collect those. MR BAKSHI Is there a problem, Connell? CONNELL Uh. I uh. I didn’t know those were due today. MR BAKSHI What do you mean you didn’t know? You were in class on Monday weren’t you? CONNELL Yeah. No. Yeah. I mean. I mean I forgot. MR BAKSHI You forgot? CONNELL Sorry sir. MR BAKSHI You can hand it in tomorrow. Along with today’s homework. CONNELL Okay. Sorry. MR BAKSHI Don’t let it happen again. ROB You spend all of your time studying but you can’t hand in an essay? ERIC The fuck you up to Waldron? ERIC That was a fucking good one Friday. Karen was on form, wasn’t she? ROB Til she fell over. ERIC She still with that Dooley lad? KIERNAN Nah, they broke up. ERIC Who’s gonna take her to the Debs now then? ROB You’re a charitable man Byrne, you could do the decent thing. ERIC No thanks, I’m holding out for Rachel. JACK In your dreams mate. ROB She’s after Waldron taking her, it’s obvious. ERIC Yeah, I reckon I can swoop in there, you don’t mind do you Connell - ERIC Unless I can persuade the lovely Marianne Sheridan to be my date of course. ERIC How about it Marianne? Fancy coming to the Debs? MARIANNE Um. Nope. ERIC You think you’re too good for me, do you? MARIANNE Yeah. Pretty much. ERIC You serious? MARIANNE I am. I am too good for you. ERIC A man’d want to be fairly desperate before he’d go near you. MARIANNE Oh really? Okay. ERIC You’re a stuck up bitch, with a fuck ugly face. CONNELL Are you alright? MARIANNE How was your weekend? CONNELL It was okay. Went to the pub. Some of them ended up at the ghost. I went home early enough. MARIANNE Ended up at the what? CONNELL The ghost. The ghost house. MARIANNE What is that? CONNELL Behind the school? You know... the abandoned house there? MARIANNE Oh. CONNELL You’ve never been there? CONNELL That’s crazy. We used to hang out there all the time. I thought everyone knew about it. MARIANNE Not me obviously. MARIANNE I want to see it. Can you take me? CONNELL Eh, sure. MARIANNE Okay. CONNELL Okay. MARIANNE You sure? CONNELL Are you cold? You look like you’re freezing. MARIANNE I could lie down there and you could fuck me. Would you like that? CONNELL Do you like making me feel uncomfortable? MARIANNE What does that mean? I can’t make you feel anything. CONNELL Yeah you can. Do you think there’s any other person I would do this type of thing with? Seriously? Do you think anyone else could make me sneak around after school and all this? MARIANNE What d’you want me to do? Leave you alone? CONNELL No. If you did that I’d. MARIANNE If I did that, what? CONNELL I don’t know. You mean, if you just didn’t want to see each other anymore? I would feel a bit surprised honestly, because you seem like you enjoy it. MARIANNE And what if I met someone else who liked me more? CONNELL Hey. CONNELL You’re making me insecure - MARIANNE I’m not making you anything - CONNELL Fine, I feel insecure - MARIANNE Exactly - you feel - your feelings CONNELL I don’t know how to - CONNELL When you’re talking about not wanting to hang out with me anymore. I thought you liked me. MARIANNE I do like you. CONNELL Well, if you met someone else you liked more, I’d be pissed off, okay? Since you ask about it. I wouldn’t be happy. Alright? MARIANNE You don’t mind that I’m a fuck ugly bitch. CONNELL I’m sorry they said that to you. MARIANNE Is that what you think of me? CONNELL They don’t even think that themselves. If Eric thought he had the slightest chance with you he’d be talking very differently. He just thinks you look down on him. CONNELL You know I would miss you if you didn’t want to see me anymore. MARIANNE Would you miss sleeping with me? CONNELL Yeah. A lot. MARIANNE Can we go back to my house now? CONNELL Out. LORRAINE When am I going to meet her? LORRAINE What about your Leaving Cert? Remember that little detail?