ADAM ALPHA ASHOK BOB CATHY CLIVE CONNIE DEERING DINAH EMERGENCY_OPERATOR FRIEND IMAM JENNY JIMMY JOCK JONAH JOY KERRY LAURIE MACLAREN MAGDA MAJID MANAGER MICHELLE MILLER PATRICK PEEP SPIKE STUART TAZ TEGAN TERESA TERESAS_DAD TERESAS_MOTHER TESSA TV_REPORTER_1 VOICE_FROM_PHONE VOICE_OF_MEENA_HASSAN DINAH There’s another Downs girl missing, Jocelyn Wade and Lucy Cooke, both turned up drowned within ten days of vanishing. As far as we know, Cathy Calvert had no contact with the other tow. DEERING This fella moves like a dart. JOY Dinah! DINAH I didn’t drag her out of the river just to put her in the system. TESSA How longs she gonna be staying? DINAH The minute she’s fit to speak, I’ll be the closest one listening. DEERING There’s a guy out there killing Down Syndrome girls who’s not quite a s patient as you! EMERGENCY OPERATOR 999, what’s your emergency? VOICE OF MEENA HASSAN My house is on fire! Help me! Please! I can’t get out! Hel- DEERING Let it haunt you. But we’re in. So focus. Joy snaps out of it, pulls out one set of ear plugs and puts a different set in her ear. Over it, we now hear music and chatter coming over the comms device, from a wedding. DINAH Don’t you look ace in that dress! SPIKE Yeah look at yer, very pretty. DINAH No visual, repeat, no visual of Jimmy Webb. DEERING It’s his own bloody wedding. He can’t’ve done a runner already? DINAH Shelf life’s almost up, Viv. We’re getting looks. SPIKE I’ve got him! Looks like they snuck offer a quick - consummation. JOY How many guests, Dinah? DINAH At least 40. It’ll be easy to yank him out his own wedding. TEGAN If he stopped frying Asian birds in petrol, we wouldn’t have to would we. JOY Can you isolate him? SPIKE Negative. We need to make a decision. This isn’t going to get any prettier. DINAH Shit Kerry Mandrake, Sent her down for spousal GBh. DINAH We’ve been spotted. JOY Stall for 60 seconds. DINAH Joy in 60 seconds they’ll have stomped our heads into the floor. SPIKE Alright, let me know if they’re coming. DINAH They’re coming… SPIKE Hey! Massive congratulations, pal! JIMMY Both having a good time, yeh? SPIKE Yeah great yeah. DINAH Amazing! This is Frank. I’m Becky. JIMMY It’s just me and the wife can’t work out - how we know you. DINAH You don’t, actually. We’ve just moved back from Australia, Katie said we could gatecrash... KERRY Fucking cops. SPIKE Back off, back off. SPIKE Now take it - easy right. You’re gonna regret anything you do – JIMMY Anything we do, we’re not even gonna remember – DEERING Congratulations, Jimmy and Michelle, from all of us at Friday Street Nick. DEERING Now you two don’t spoil a pair, do you? What I’m really looking for is the Father of the Bride, where are you Vinnie? DEERING Now Vinnie, I’m more than a little miffed not to get an invite to this little shindig after our families’ history! Deerings have put every twig of your family tree in the clink. And I’m so thrilled to be able to nip in the bud yet another union because your new son-in- law, Jimmy Webb... DEERING Is under arrest on suspicion of the murder of Meena Hassan. Come quietly and you’ll all wake up in the morning with just a hangover. DEERING Night then. JIMMY I didn’t torch her! I was on my stag night! DEERING Yeh, but you went dark, Jimmy. Just in time to nip off and grab a few bits - like petrol and matches. MACLAREN So, onto the Downs Syndrome case… MACLAREN …and I gather we have another promising lead, which she graciously texted me at 4am. DEERING It’s a bit more than promising, Sir. Lucy Cooke was a member of the ‘Stage Wings Drama Company’, they’d been devising a play at her day centre. Now, we’ve tooth-combed her belongings and discovered this. DEERING A copy of the play. And on the second page: ‘Lc loves Captain Brownbread.’ We’re sending a detective to interview the group. Keeping an eye out for anybody matching up to Dr. Peep’s criminal profile which I’m sure you’ve all digested by now. JONAH Ma’am. I’m not having a go, but… PEEP It’s a profile, not a 3D printer. PEEP And as for why - afraid it can only be speculation at this stage. But for me he picks these girls due to a severe sexual trauma, likely in adolescence. Which is why you’d be smart to do a search of all UK deaths of Down’s Syndrome girls up to their early 20s. MACLAREN We’ve already covered that, Doctor- PEEP You’ve covered the last fifteen years I bet, I’m telling you to do the last fifty. And I’d hurry - the gap between Jocelyn Wade and Cathy Calvert’s abduction is a massive acceleration. He missed his fix. So he’s agitated. Volatile. JOY I’ve designated our assignments. Connie got printouts. DEERING Move fast. Doctor’s orders. STUART Wearing a skirt like that doesn’t count if you score. You should be disqualified. I can’t compete. TEGAN Shuddup, and keep your eyes off the rear-view! TEGAN He still staying with yer, I thought it was only supposed to be a few days? STUART Tell me about it. TEGAN You tell him about it! Right yours is the only place we can play the volume at full tilt. Boot him. STUART There are certain conversations that I can’t have with him. TEGAN Like what? STUART Like any. MILLER Jesus Viv, since Mum passed I’ve cut right down on my carcinogens, but 24 hours cleaning this up might as well’ve sucked off a chimney. S’cuse that. Right, so it’s looking like your Firestarter poured petrol through the catflap and whoosh! Cat survived, Joy. Poor kid had zero warning, organs too over-done to tell if the smoke got her first or the flames. Tragic. Fuckin’ tragic. JONAH Press conference in five minutes, Ma’am, there’s road works on Hadley Avenue, we’ll have to bomb it. DEERING Choice of words, Jonah. Right I’m gonna need a plus one. Any volunteers? DEERING Pc Ahmed? IMAM My daughter-in-law saw the best in everyone, even the Manchester Metropolitan Police, despite the hardly surprising revelations of racism in the very marrow of their institution. MAJID I know there’s been talk of reprisals, Smeena would not want any of us responding in kind to what they did to her. Anybody who knows anything... Please, please tell us. Thank you. DEERING We’re doing laps round the clock to find who did this. Bad-mouthing us won’t speed that up any. MAJID I ring you lot three times a week when the shop gets vandalised, you don’t even bother coming any more. Yeah so it’s hard to be too thankful that you’ve finally decided we’re worth helping. DINAH Clive. For your own safety, cease and desist, okay? CLIVE What’re you, a nun now? DINAH C’mon. Zip up Old Peculiar so I can ask you about the arson. Seriously, Clive. You’re practically pissing on her grave. CLIVE Ha! I wouldn’t piss on that tight cow if she were on fire! CLIVE Me dick’s still out. PATRICK Very good. Very good Watch and copy every single movement the other is making like you’re looking in a mirror. PATRICK Adam... PATRICK Adam, take this seriously. MANAGER Alright everybody, we’ve got a visitor! Detective Tanner’s here to ask a few more questions about Lucy. ADAM It’s Patrick. He did it! MANAGER Adam. Watch it. We discussed this. ADAM You never listened! What’s new! JIMMY How many times! It was my stag do! I don’t remember where I was at 3am. Be a shit stag do if I did! JOY You’re a known member of the British Democratic Action Force, an’ you’ve just married into the family founders of the movement, and - You’ve done this before. To her father-in-law’s mosque. JIMMY Yeh on an empty mosque. Is this me, ey? I want ‘em out, not dead. JOY Then you’re released from prison one week before this happens – JIMMY Exactly, so I wouldn’t be so thick enough to be caught on camera would I? JIMMY We went to Halfmoon’s for some lapdances, then black out. And if all you’ve got is some skinhead – then I’m laughing. And frankly, why would we bother going after one Paki, when there’s 15 of ‘em five doors down? JOY Shut your mouth. JIMMY Done. DINAH Got this off Majid Hassan’s phone. Clive Bradley reckons he found it in the alley behind the house the night of the fire. JOY He was how pissed when he told you? JOY If Majid thinks we’re questioning his statement, everything’ll go south. We’re just going to slip it in. Simply. Economically. DINAH There’s no point in dressing it up - we’ve every right to ask! JOY You’ve no idea how sensitive this culture can be. Really? What about when you, me and Haddi went to that pub at Christmas? We ordered a mulled wine, but you giggled when Haddi ordered a Red Bull and a dessert. He dumped me for that. DINAH He dumped you because you wouldn’t give him a blow job til he’d met your mum! After two dates! JOY S’allam. I’m Detective Sergeant Freers. My most sincere condo- MAJID Can we just get on with it, please? JOY Certainly. PATRICK Adam and Lucy were both in the ‘Romeo and Juliet’ take- off we did. Adam can get reality and fiction a bit confused. SPIKE We um, we found this in her copy of your script. ‘LC loves Captain Brownbread.’ Mean anything to either of you? MANAGER No sorry. PATRICK No. Lucy had loads of crushes. Loved attention. I miss her. JOY Do er, any of these men match the suspect you saw outside your house before you left for work? MAJID I’m not being funny, but they all really do look alike... JOY No rush. JOY We um, we stumbled across your phone this morning. Any idea how you - might’ve - misplaced it? And when? MAJID I can’t even - think. It’s been a pretty rough 36 hours. JOY Yeah course. God. Can’t even imagine. It’s just that in your statement - you said you didn’t leave the shop, and it was actually found behind your house the night of the attack so... MAJID a statement? What are you trying to get at? JOY It’s just a question. It’s not like you’re a suspect or anything!- IMAM A suspect?! JOY No - not a suspect. Just a... person of interest- MAJID You’re telling me you think I had something to do with killing Smeena when you have a guy, a white guy, on film?! DEERING What’s happened Mr Hassan? DINAH Mr. Hassan’s phone was found by a witness outside the house. We’re just asking how it got there. MAJID Fuck’s sake, this is - she doesn’t deserve this. Look, I’m 17 months off an upgrade so I - dropped the phone in the skip behind the shop and was going to say it got nicked so I could claim for a new one. Dad, I’m sorry. DEERING Oh, er, were not done. IMAM Your Sargent just declared my son a ‘person of interest’. After questioning him without a solicitor. How’s that going to play out? DEERING A don’t dispute asking how Hassan’s phone got to the alley. But both of you circling him when this man’s our prime suspect? And who leaked this on Twitter? CONNIE Ma’am, reporters are asking about Nazi-cake-gate. Any comment? DEERING Tell them it tasted so damn good that Mary Berry would’ve gobbled it down and done the goose step. Well, why camouflage a legitimate line of investigation? DINAH We both thought they’d be over- sensitive to formal questioning. JOY No, I thought, Ma’am. It was my fault. DEERING What about Jimmy Webb? JOY We didn’t have enough to hold him. JOY Ma’am, we’ve got sources covering the four main fascist groups including Jimmy’s. Normally there’d be trophy chatter by now, but they’re picking nothing up. DINAH That’s a first, Ma’am. And I don’t ever want to quote Jimmy Webb, but why would that lot bother with just Meena when there’s a much larger Asian family right next door? DEERING Wrong cat flap? DINAH Viv, Viv - what if it wasn’t race hate? We’ve just assumed it was ‘cos of the haircut and the area. It could be a more personal motive or – JOY Meena was a teaching assistant. DINAH But that’s all we’ve got on her. What if Meena wasn’t even the target? What if it was Majid? DEERING Find out more, ask around. Then quiz Majid and his Dad. Make them understand our thinking. And Sergeant? What are you going to do next time a top notch Constable gives you advice? JOY Take it, Ma’am. ADAM I can’t tell you here. it’s not a safe place. Let’s go! Before they find out! JOY I should’ve asked you straight out about your phone, I apologise. This has been released as evidence, it was found in your bedroom, I thought you’d want it. IMAM So er if it wasn’t race, what else is there? DINAH We’ve been hearing Smeena was quite a vocal feminist within the community. Any light you can shed on that for us? IMAM Such as? MAJID C’mon Dad, they mean the mosque. Seena made noise about women being allowed on the committee. Her and dad would stay up all night talking about it. I’d wake up and they’d be having a massive row. I could never keep up, could I dad. She wanted to organise a demonstration. She hadn’t even had a chance to - print off the leaflets- MAJID Sorry. I need some air. JOY Imam Hassan, do you think her stance might’ve been seen as... controversial or um, inflammatory even? IMAM Maaf karna Smeena, meri mashuka. STUART It is so important that if anybody approaches you - anybody you haven’t met before, in the street, in a shop, knocking on your front door, whoever they are – TERESA Can’t we just tell our mates? TERESAS DAD Let him finish, Teresa. STUART You must tell a responsible adult, can’t just your mates, has to be a parent or your guardian- TERESA Is she your girlfriend? TEGAN It’s Teresa, yeh? TERESA I’m Teresa. TEGAN Right Teresa. There’s a man out there who wants girls like you dead and bobbing up and down in the river like apples. Now I’m sorry, but we need you all scared of this guy.Yes? JENNY We are. TEGAN You tease, you absolutely love it. TEGAN Hello, that Stuart’s Dad? STUART Teeg! TEGAN Just what’s going on between you two? No, I’m just saying, you must have a few years of prostate value left, there’s no need to lean on the young guy just yet! Just thinking right, just break it to you both very gently. Freeloader! STUART Oh TEGAN! TEGAN Relax. Relax! I put the phone down before I said anything. VOICE FROM PHONE Who is this, please? TEGAN Shit…Fuck… ADAM I’ll want what he’s having. SPIKE Er yeah, two cokes then, please. ADAM I want a pint. SPIKE No, no I’m not having a pint. ADAM Okay, I’ll tell everyone you touched me in my party zone... SPIKE So, you’re saying the day Lucy went missing, you heard her crying on the payphone to Patrick? How do you know it was Patrick? ADAM I was Lucy’s friend. ‘Captain Brownbread.’... BrownBREAD. She meant Brownbeard shit for brains! SPIKE Patrick. Get this lad anything he wants. JONAH Just got off the phone from the bookies- Big tip! TAZ Work tip, obviously. JONAH Manager’s just told us that last Thursday he heard a row in the bogs and saw Jimmy Webb chasing out an Asian guy, saying he was going to kill him. JOY Which Asian guy? TAZ Which do you think! MICHELLE Oh no. NO! First you wreck our engagement sticking him in prison, then you smash our wedding - you fuck our honeymoon and I’ll tear a clump out of your spine- DINAH Michelle, threaten my boss one more time you’ll spend your honeymoon being finger-banged by women uglier than your mother-in-law. MICHELLE Fucking pigs, get me out of these handcuffs now. Jimmy! Jimmy!! JOY We’ve witnesses saying you were arguing with Majid Hassan in a bookies’ toilets two days after you were released from prison. Why? JIMMY He stank the bog out. DINAH Jimmy, we know you threatened Majid’s life. Week later, his house gets torched. Simple maths, Jimmy. JIMMY Alright! Okay, we - we – help people, yeh? Cash flow sorta thing. DINAH Think you mean loan sharking. JIMMY I do it down the bookies cos the in-laws hate some of the clients we help out. This stuff isn’t even me, but yer know I fell in love. Her dad wouldn’t have me unless I - y’know - converted. JOY When did you loan Majid money? JIMMY Michelle did. He was after 12K to pay off gambling debts, yeh right, she only gave him five. But he kept palming her off, wouldn’t cough it back up! With interest, he owed 20 by the time I came out... We had a wedding to pay for! DINAH Did he pay you back? Where were you? You’d better start having flashbacks, or it’ll be more than an extortion charge you’re facing. JIMMY I was... in the bogs at Halfmoon’s. I - I got a hand job. I was twatted, it took a while... JOY Off who? JIMMY It was my stag night, shit had been laced since noon... Said her name was - Marlene. She was black. Please don’t tell Michelle. DINAH Black? Bravo. Be more specific. JIMMY She - there’s a memory I’ve got. Long dark hair, spandex mini-skirt, big tits and, there’s like a flash image that’s been... sort of fucking with me a bit. Like she might’ve had some sort of deformity or something. DINAH Deformity? JIMMY A - dick.... Please don’t tell Michelle. PATRICK Adam got that pint out of you then, did he? SPIKE Why didn’t you tell us Lucy called you the day she went missing? PATRICK She didn’t. DEERING’s been watching all this but at that she’s up on her feet and right up close to the glass SPIKE Captain Brownbread. SPIKE Ok. Where were you the night Lucy went missing? PATRICK I love those kids. SPIKE Yeh? How much you love ‘em? PATRICK Don’t be so disgusting! As if I’d ever even dream of- of – SPIKE Of what? Hurting her? Lucy was raped - SPIKE and drowned. I’ll show you the photos of her dead, cold, body, just so you can see it before and after. I don’t ever want to see those phots again but if that’s what it takes… PATRICK No! Please I - I didn’t know, not until he hurt those other two! SPIKE Who, who Patrick? PATRICK Her - her boyfriend. SPIKE Wait. No one we’ve spoken to has mentioned a boyfriend. Who? PATRICK First day I met Lucy she told me she loved me. It got so bad, she didn’t even believe me when I told her I was - that I am - gay. PATRICK She was devastated. Then she er - she told me she’d found another bloke. Someone like me. That made me nervous so I followed her, saw him pick her up in a van. SPIKE What sort of van? PATRICK White Transit. He looked scared when he saw me. SPIKE You saw him?! And you didn’t stop him, you wasn’t suspicious? PATRICK What do you think? But he got her back safe, she said he made her happy, who was I to judge? SPIKE She was your care. PATRICK I couldn’t face hurting her again! Til she rang me in a state ‘cos she said he’d dumped her. Said she wanted to kill herself. I said I’d meet her at my local for a drink... She never showed. SPIKE And you didn’t step forward with this when she went missing? PATRICK I was going to - but then they - pulled her out the river. I thought she’d topped herself, but who’d feel better knowing that? How do you think they would feel if I let one of them die! I couldn’t. I’d lose my job SPIKE -Your job? Your job… Lucy Cooke, Jocelyn Wade, very close to a third - you had days to come forward with this, and you know, when you know, he’s still out there! You knew. TESSA They’re a good fit, but I said to ‘get the black ones’. BOB Shirt’s okay though? DINAH - Shirt’s fine, but Tessa’s right. Fork out for another pair in black. BOB I’ve er, I’ve had the cast off! DINAH And you’re here because? TESSA I invited him. Shower keeps running cold and he’s staying for tea. Which is gonna be top. MAGDA C’mon Tessa. Let’s go and tell Cathy dinner’s almost ready. DINAH Knock first, yeh? BOB Would you rather I pissed off? DINAH No. Not if you’re being useful. But using Tess and Mum to get back over the mat is a bit - cheap? BOB They wanted me to meet Cathy but… DINAH Check Tessa and Cathy! Call 999! And Mum! CATHY Wait, stop! Don’t hurt him, Dinah! ALPHA Tell her who I am Cath! DEERING One sec. DEERING Laurie, what does this look like to you? LAURIE Like every single night for the last couple of weeks. I’m not whining for a fuck here Viv, I need a second opinion. And you promised me yours. An hour ago. DEERING Not every night and who was it didn’t bat an eyelid when you wanted to turn our tidy cellar into this blinking sound proof space shit ey? LAURIE And who’s been working his tits off to prove it was worth it? You going to pour, or what? LAURIE Okay, radio ad for the college. They want it ‘street’, ‘catchy’, ‘unforgettable’. Herpes, basically. LAURIE Probably shite. Brace yourself. Ready? DEERING Uhhum. DEERING La-la-la-La! Not shite, Laur-ie! You’re reall-y good! You’re reall-y good! Ooh! F-blood-y-Sharp! Right? LAURIE How do you know F-Sharp? It’s better… DEERING I like it. LAURIE I like it too yeah. Do you like this? LAURIE It’s okay. I’ll save the olives. The Rioja doesn’t stand a chance. DEERING Well, well. Isn’t your girlfriend just full of surprises. How come Cathy’s family never heard of you? ALPHA You met her family, yeh? DEERING Alfredo Degani. You’re one year out of young offenders’. ALPHA It’s Alpha. DEERING Clearly not. Now humour me. Where were you the dates that Lucy Cooke, Jocelyn Wade and your good lady were abducted? ALPHA Are you mad? What me? Give us them dates. DINAH March 10th for Lucy – ALPHA Sitting retakes. Yeah, six As, three Bs, no Cs. Check! Next? DEERING Jocelyn Wade. 2nd September– ALPHA I was playing chess and I won every single round to raise money for spakky kids from my foster home. Check their phones, they loved it and don’t you dare ask me where I was when Cathy got... I’m no suspect. I’ve worked in an office, you know. So fuck the lot of yez! CATHY Don’t charge him Dinah, I mean it. It’ll fuck his life up again – DINAH Go on, go and see him. DINAH You can’t blame her for not telling her family, Viv. They’d wreck it. DEERING We’ve all put our neck in the noose for this kid, so no going back. But you’ve never taken anything at face value before. Cathy can’t be the exception. SPIKE Patrick Llewellyn’s alibi has some legs. Says he was waiting to meet Lucy at the Blue Anchor pub the night she went missing. It’s a gay pub, Patrick’s a regular there. So here he is - 8.04pm, March 10th. Only one camera by the front door, but that same night he went home with the landlord. It’s same again for the other girls. PEEP If he is gay - that doesn’t really fit with anything in the profile. DEERING What is there, a rule book? PEEP Yes. Gay serial killers only ever target gay men. Dahmer, Nilsen... DEERING I’m having him. SPIKE His alibi holds up, Ma’am. He knew about the van, which means he saw him. We don’t want to alienate a star witness. DEERING ‘Star witness’?! He didn’t just turn a blind eye, two girls died, God knows how many more! DEERING Are you saying it’s not him? PEEP No course I’m not, I’m saying it’s unlikely. DEERING Oh Captain, my Captain. PATRICK I’m sorry, I’m so – DEERING Scared to lose your job, Patrick? You’d better be waking up screaming, boy. I swear to God, you’d better be carrying this guilt like cancer til you croak. DEERING So one question. Do we want the same thing, Patrick? Out loud you streak of piss. PATRICK I want to help catch him. DEERING I pray that’s the only thing we’ll ever have in common, Mr Llewellyn. JOY Right, good news is we found Marlene. That deformity’s a stonker. JOY She was a giggle actually, check out the cleavage! Can’t blame you? Though - the Adam’s apple - can’t quite get how you missed that. Your wife open-minded, Jimmy? JIMMY Please, this is lifetime shit, don’t wreck it! Show it to me again, I’ll tell you anything I can! JOY Wait. JOY Why would he get caught on camera unless he wanted to be seen? We know that twitch. DINAH Shit! DEERING Gold stars, girls. For thinking outside the box, and astonishing bigotry. A fucking mask?!! DINAH Viv - Ma’am - just - play it out! Majid kept his shop door locked so he could easily sneak out the back and peg it to the petrol station – JOY He makes damn sure he’s seen getting the petrol, pours it through the catflap and he’s in such a rush to get back - he drops his phone. DINAH From a bank job four years ago near Elderwood Avenue. You can get ‘em for less than a grand. DEERING Hot in there, Jonah? JONAH How d’you know it was me, Ma’am? DEERING You have a very distinctive walk. Don’t let anyone tell you different. JOY Cheers Jonah. Owe you one. DEERING That, and the Bo. Motive? JOY Majid’s paying off mega gambling debts. So he borrows money off of Jimmy’s wife - but knows he doesn’t have a prayer of paying them back. DINAH When Jimmy gets out of prison Majid knows he’s on borrowed time. So Majid sets fire to his wife for the life insurance, and gets to keep the money by framing Jimmy. DEERING We just link arms and yellow brick road it to Maclaren office and present him with this ? Based on what? A tic? DEERING I’m ever so disappointed, Majid. Why didn’t you tell us Jimmy had reason to set your house on fire? DEERING Don’t look at him. Look at me. MAJID My Dad can’t know. You don’t know what he’s like. DEERING Are you really so afraid of your dad you’d let your wife’s killer go free? MAJID I’m sorry DEERING Sorry goes down much better for me with a chaser. Say, two years for perverting the course of justice? I’ll ensure you get the same room as Jimmy, with the same view, at the same time. DEERING Lovely. Ta. MAJID Wait, I did it. DEERING Come again? MAJID There’s a mask is in a concrete installed biometric thumbprint safe hidden under a towel at my shop. You’ll be needing this. But I want a word with my solicitor. In private. DEERING Is this you? TAZ Doesn’t look like we need his thumb. But I’m up for trying. DEERING Why the bullshit? JONAH Step back, step back please. TV REPORTER 1 Mr Hassan! Are you involved in the murder of your wife?! MAJID Not murdered! Martyred ! In the name and fulfilment of Allah’s holy war! Allahu Akbah!! DEERING From bereaved husband to religious psychotic? In under an hour? Bit rich even for you, Ashok! ASHOK Four weeks ago his doctor put him on anti-depressants because he said he was having suicidal thoughts. Do you remember that mum from Hulme who smothered her kids then threw herself out the window? Same drug. Same dose... You calling in a psychiatric report, or am I? JIMMY The B.D.A.F. have been falsely accused by a corrupt police run by the elite as well, as being abused by Asians blaming us for their own honour killings! They’re torching their own wives now, you couldn’t make it up! MICHELLE B.D.A.F! B.D.A.F.! DEERING Get back to your desks. CONNIE Ma’am, reports coming in of a street fight on Hatchley road between a gang of Asian lads and the B.D.A.F. - neighborhood watch got stuck so its got Messy. DEERING Thanks, Connie. CONNIE And Maclaren’s on the warpath, wants to know if you saved him a piece of that cake – DEERING Do you think you could text me this shit. DINAH Majid Hassan’s pathologically adapted to everything we’ve thrown at him. That scumbag deserves life for what he’s done. Not seven months in the puzzle factory! DEERING Oh fuck. What do you suggest? DINAH That we thump this twat right back in his box with the right motive, and we get that out there, fast. Before anybody else gets hurt. DEERING ... Sounds lovely. How? DINAH Smeena’s got to have known her husband’s debts were spiralling out of control, so she must’ve told someone. JOY ... When you were with Majid were outside, his dad was just staring at Meena’s necklace. He - he said something in Urdu. Tried to Google translate it but I could just remember it phonetically. JOY Muffcunnamena, marry marishuka! TAZ Something-something-Smeena- something. DEERING With conviction, Joy. JOY Muff-kunnah-Meena, marimashuka. TAZ ‘Do you have a clubcard?’ ‘Maaf karna Smeena, meri mashuka.’ It means, ‘Forgive me Smeena, my darling.’ TAZ Why didn’t you just ask first place, Sarge? JOY I... couldn’t work out if it was racist or not. IMAM Leave me alone. DINAH Sir, just one question. Your son’s saying he killed Meena in God’s name. His solicitor’s claiming he’s crazy. Do you honestly believe either? Lads who you’ve known since they were born are a baseball bat away from joining your son in jail. Or hospital. Right now, you’re either this community’s Imam, or you’re that boy’s father. You can’t be both. Which is it? DINAH Smeena begged the Imam to grant her a divorce five weeks before the fire. But the Imam wouldn’t grant it. She’d found out Majid’d re- mortgaged the house to pay his gambling debts and put a stop it. DEERING I want a full blown confession from Majid. On tape. Both of you. JOY No, Majid already thinks I’m a screw up, it should be me, just me. I know I can trip him up, Ma’am. It shouldn’t have to be a question. MAJID Thank God, I am not. I heard the voices of martyrs on my shoulders, they were bidding me the courage of a child of Allah. You proud, Dad? JOY He’s far from proud, Majid. And if you are hoping to pin your sudden Jihadist urges on meds, it won’t work. JOY Your doctor’s given me the dates you started taking them. Here. How come, before you were put on medication, you forged your wife’s life insurance policy was signed whilst she was away on a school trip at EuroDisney? MAJID ... You know what Allah’s just whispered to me? How fat must your legs look without heels? JOY Answer the question! How did your wife sign the life insurance, when she wasn’t even in the country? JOY If - if you were really a Jihadist - don’t you think we’d have found some hardcore stuff hanging about? Extremist websites on your phone? MAJID Allah compels me. Not YouTube. Step outside sister, see the glory the blood of my wife has already sown. MAJID In fifty years, your grandchildren will be Muslim... Though I’m not sure we’d want them...ugly fuckers… ASHOK May I suggest we stop wasting valuable time and get my client into a psychiatric facility for his own safety? DEERING Save her. JOY That a slim fit Armani shirt? How much was that? 100? 150? MAJID Try 200 love. JOY It’s just - we hauled in a batch of those last week, they were selling two for a tenner down the market. Saw you coming a mile off. JOY Still, 200 quid! Did Smeena have to buy it for you? MAJID No! JOY - No but she had to buy you your skinhead mask, didn’t she? Look, says on her credit card statement, look. Spending your wife’s cash on the mask you’re going to murder her in, that’s top five. MAJID She - she didn’t know I was going to - she bought it herself. For fun! JOY C’mon Majid. You took out that credit card out behind her back, ‘cos you couldn’t scrape up the cash. Majid shouts something in Urdu. JOY English, Mr. Hassan. MAJID Said I’m gonna cut your head off! JOY Thought you’d be used to answering to a woman by now. By all accounts, your wife held the purse strings – MAJID She didn’t! JOY - working day and night, coming home, leaving your balls at the door or she’ll chop ‘em off, right? MAJID Oh you think I’d kill my wife for money?! JOY Your dad does. You must have been so desperate. I get it, I get it. Your whole life you’ve felt like an embarrassment. To others, but most of all, to yourself... JOY You see that? Ripped off like toilet paper! JOY Smeena probably never laughed at you to your face, but on behalf of a woman who sounds like a cracking good bird, let me! Ha ha ha ha! MAJID The only thing that bitch was good for was cash in hand!! JOY So you did kill her for the money?! MAJID Fucking right I did! MAJID Dad didn’t arrange a marriage for me, he just hand-picked the daughter he never had! I never once put a foot wrong and she still had his ear more than me! JOY Majid. You’ve just drop-kicked yourself into a life sentence. Don’t bother having the last word. MAJID And she had such a hairy cunt! From day fucking one! Fuck off DEERING Consider that leaked. DEERING Take a bow, lady! Take a bow. No, no, no, no. These are on me. JOY Oh thanks Ma’am. DEERING Do I pick ‘em, or do I pick ‘em? TEGAN You’re not still sulking at me about that call to your old man?! It was a joke! What’s going on between you too anyway? ? Okay, what was it, did he finger you or something when you were little or something? Am I right? STUART Tegan, meet my old man. TEGAN Mr O’Connell, I am, I am SO sorry about what happened on the phone. And the fingering thing just then. Did you hear that? JOCK I laughed my tits off. It’s Jock by the way. We’re on brandy’s, you? TEGAN Yes, please... Doubles. CLIVE Here ya are pal, I’m not having this,,. I’m not having it right. I’m not having this anymore…I’ve been fiddled with. What are you do9ing now? I’m trying to make a complaint. CONNIE Clive, Clive, you’d best tether your vocab round me ‘cos I’m two secs away from shovin’ a taser up your arse and pumpin’ you so full of volts you’ll feel like you’ve been fisted by a pylon.Now go and sit down!! You alright Sir? TERESAS DAD She’s missing. ALPHA Thanks Mr. SPIKE You’re very welcome. Ok? DINAH What else is she keeping quiet? DINAH Get a taxi. SPIKE Did Teresa have a boyfriend? FRIEND Someone was very keen. DINAH We are doing everything we can to get her back. TERESAS MOTHER I wanted her to get out there, be stupid and normal like everyone else. DEERING Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Man What’s the crime? We’re doing those people a favour. MILLER Definitely something rotten in the state of Primark.