ALL ANDY CARYS CELYN CLAIRE COMPERE DRIVER EMRYS EVE FANNY GABE GABRIEL IWAN JACKIE JAKE JASON JENIFER LAD LLINOS MAN MARIA NEVERLANDER NIA NON SANDRA STEVE JACKIE ANDY So boys, tell me why do you want to adopt. She smiles at them. You haven�t mentioned GABE What do you take me for? JACKIE Gabriel JACKIE there�s something you�re not telling me. ANDY Last time was years ago. There�s no problem any more. EMRYS I just think a child needs a mother. ANDY No Emrys, a child needs love. ANDY Shit! JAKE Hi! CLAIRE He�s my biggest achievement. GABE Let�s do it JAKE It just started quietly GABRIEL And grew! ANDY And believe it or not GABRIEL Now there's something groovy and good bout whatever we got ANDY Now there's something groovy and good bout whatever we got JAKE Now there's something groovy and good bout whatever we got ALL And it's getting better, growing stronger Warm and wilder, getting better every day. Better every day! And it's not hard to see Na, na, na, na, na, JACKIE He's got your eyes, Gabe. GABRIEL Don't be ridiculous. JACKIE He'll start looking like you, you know? I see it all the time. Bump into families a few years later and they'll all be the same JACKIE spit. GABRIEL Like dogs and their owners? ANDY You�re not gonna say that in there, are you? GABRIEL No. STEVE Hello, there. You must be ANDY Hi. Yes, erm, I�m Andy and this is Gabe. GABRIEL Hi. STEVE Lovely to meet you both. I'm Steve Thompson, I'll be chairing your matching panel today. STEVE And don't worry. There's nothing to be nervous about. ANDY Alright CARYS Carys Wells. Social Worker. JENIFER Jenifer Ainsley. Panel Advisor. Doctor Zibande. Medical adviser. MARIA Maria Johnson. Foster carer. JASON Jason Owens. Legal Representative. NIA Nia Evans. Panel organiser, in charge of minutes. IWAN Iwan Jones. Family Finder. LLINOS Llinos Parry.Jake's social worker. JACKIE Jackie Boothe. Gabe and Andy's social worker. GABRIEL Gabriel STEVE You don't have to introduce yourself. And you already know who I am. So let's begin, shall we? ANDY So we're under no illusion that this is gonna be easy ANDY by any means, but er, well, we think we know what we're getting ourselves into ANDY Right, Gabe? ANDY And we just feel fully prepared for that challenge. STEVE Thank you, Andrew. I hope you don't mind, Gabriel STEVE but the next question's actually just for you. EMRYS because a child needs EMRYS a mother! GABRIEL Pardon? EMRYS A child needs STEVE Another glass of water? GABRIEL Er, yes. Yes. Thank you. STEVE So, Gabriel. We understand that you've endured some challenging addiction problems in the past. And let me be the first to congratulate you on coming through all that. STEVE But as you know, adopting a young boy with Jake's needs STEVE now that can be incredibly stressful. Just how confident STEVE are you that you won't have a relapse? JACKIE Are you still with us, Gabe? GABRIEL Absolutely. GABRIEL Look, of course you have concerns. I had concerns too when I started this process, but Jackie, and don't get embarrassed now, Jackie, when I say this, but she has been totally amazing. ANDY Yes. GABRIEL She has made me see how my past experiences are actually useful here. Cause I know what it is to live through trauma. I've seen some dark days and I'm doing ok now. In fact, if it didn't make me sound like a massive show off I'd say I was doing brilliantly. Oh, wait. I'm a performer extraordinaire. I am a massive show-off! GABRIEL So alright if I must I am thriving, actually. And I know that I can use what I've learned when parenting Jake. GABRIEL Cause I know how much patience, acceptance, empathy matters. How much love matters. GABRIEL I know that from experience. And between our friends, our parents GABRIEL We have a solid support network in place. So, I'm not worried. GABRIEL Andy's not worried. GABRIEL Jackie believes in me. GABRIEL So all I can do now is ask you humbly, but hopefully, to believe in me as well? GABRIEL I should get an Oscar for that. ANDY How about a Jake? JACKIE I knew you could do it! JACKIE You buggers! LLINOS Llongyfarchiadau LLINOS He�s a lucky boy. ANDY Ah come here, we're the lucky ones! ANDY (CONT) Right? LLINOS Of course, but well this is probably Jake�s last chance LLINOS Ok. Ta-ra JACKIE She's been with him from the beginning. Got him out of there ANDY Right. JACKIE But anyway today's a good day! ANDY Yes, it is. JACKIE Celebrate! Get your kicks in where you can, boys. You deserve it! ANDY Thank you, Jackie. Oh! What?! GABRIEL Let�s put her out of her misery. ANDY She�s gonna totally lose it. ANDY Good news ANDY Mam ANDY She's happy! ANDY Ready GABRIEL Course they said yes! FANNY Open the fucking, champagne! We're with child, darlings, we're with child! EMRYS Sai'n clywed ti'n dda iawn? Ble wyt ti? GABRIEL Mewn clwb. EMRYS Pam ti mas ganol wthnos? Sai 'di anghofio penblwydd Andy ydw i? GABRIEL O'dd y panel heddi. Ma nhw 'di cytuno i'r match. Da Jake. GABRIEL Ma Jake 'ndod i fyw 'da ni. EMRYS O. Reit EMRYS Rhaid bod chi'n bles te? GABRIEL IeNi�n bles � � � � � �� Well i fi fynd, Dad � Ta-ra. ANDY What did he say? GABRIEL He's happy. CELYN Another round? GABRIEL Oh, I've had my limit. GABRIEL But he hasn't. ANDY Oh no, no, no, no, no. You know how much I hate waking up with a hangover ANDY Did I rim you last night? ANDY Fucking tequila. GABRIEL Do people stop rimming when they're parents? ANDY I stopped rimming when I was sixteen. Get me my toothbrush. ANDY Oh, for Jake's book. GABRIEL Hmm. Who wouldn't want her for a Nanna? GABRIEL Has Dad sent his yet? ANDY Don't get cross. GABRIEL Oh, for fuck's sake. He looks like a serial killer. ANDY We'll go down on Saturday. ANDY Come on, baby. It's time we introduced him to Jake. GABRIEL It won't bite, Dad. EMRYS O! EMRYS They've dressed him nicely. GABRIEL What did you expect? A sack? ANDY Apparently the only way Claire could get him to stand still was by bribing him with a bar of chocolate. That's what he's looking at there. Behind the camera. EMRYS Be careful with that. You don't want him getting fat. EMRYS Is Jake short for anything? GABRIEL Why? EMRYS Well, I just was wondering if that�s what you were gonna call him? GABRIEL What else would we call him? EMRYS I don't know GABRIEL Something Welsh? We can't change his name, Dad! It's his identity. It's who he is. EMRYS You changed yours, Gabriel GABRIEL But that was my choice, wasn't it? ANDY Well, actually, we were thinking we might take another photo of Dad-cu? Seeing as we're here. For the book? EMRYS Dad-cu? ANDY It's what we thought he'd call you? If that�s ok with you? Gabe said it's what he called his Grandad. ANDY Erm, I�m sorry. Did I pronounce it wrong? EMRYS No, no. You pronounced it beautifully, Andy. GABRIEL Fuck's sake, Dad NON A woman's work is never done! ANDY Oh, lovely, Emrys. Would you like to see it? EMRYS No, you're alright. But erm, seeing as we're alone EMRYS There's a hole in my pocket. It's a real nuisance; but I've been struggling with my eyes recently and I was er, I was wondering if you might sew it for me? ANDY Er ANDY Why don't you ask Gabriel? ANDY You do know that Gabe makes all of his own costumes, don't you, Emrys? EMRYS Does he? ANDY Yeah. They're astonishing. EMRYS Still. I'd, I�d rather you did it if it's all right with you EMRYS And there's no need to tell Gabriel. He doesn't need to know. ANDY Why don't we give Jake a Welsh middle name? GABRIEL I'm not doing that just to please my Dad. ANDY It wouldn't be to please your Dad. ANDY Look, I know you think you don't want Jake to speak Welsh but I GABRIEL We're not sending him to a Welsh language school ANDY Wait, hear me out GABRIEL He'll have enough to deal with without learning another language as well. ANDY But I've looked into it and there's an immersion unit in Gabalfa he'd go to first and then GABRIEL I said no! GABRIEL You'll never understand. ANDY Try me. GABRIEL Growing up I always struggled with Welsh. Every word is gendered so it's hardly queer-friendly, is it? And it's got all these grammatical rules so it's easy to get things wrong and my Dad was constantly correcting me ANDY Teaching you? GABRIEL Correcting me. And the only gays on S4C when I was growing-up were either paedophiles, murdered in toilets or fucking Skeleton from Super Ted ANDY Try growing up in Northern Ireland. GABRIEL I just didn�t feel like I could be queer in Welsh. And plus I don't like the Welsh words for gay. Gwrwgydiwr. Man-gripper'. Makes me sound like a JCB. Or hoyw well hoyw it just sounds so, gay. ANDY And what's wrong with that, you self-hating homophobe! I like Hoyw. It's beautiful. Hoyw, hoyw, hoyw. That 'ooh� it's erotic. Gives me a hard on. ANDY Hi. GABRIEL Well, it turns me right off. So when I came out to my Dad I couldn't decide which one to use so I ended up coming out in English GABRIEL Dwi'n Gay? EMRYS Dwi'n falch. GABRIEL He misheard me! Thought I'd said I was �ok�! Ended up having to come out twice! The second time was much worse. GABRIEL So forgive me if I don't want our son learning a language which has excluded and rejected me all my life. ANDY But that isn't true. Come on, coming out in any language is gonna be hard. Your issue isn't Welsh. Your issue's your Dad. GABRIEL It�s the same bloody thing! ANDY But your Dad hasn't rejected you, Gabriel. ANDY And it's your mother-tongue AND Gabe? GABRIEL Mother-tongue is sexist. GABRIEL Did you use a filter on this? SANDRA Yoo hoo! Don't mind me! SANDRA I�m just having a wee clear out. ANDY Hi mum! GABRIEL Fucking hell! ANDY Mother! SANDRA Now there�s no need to be embarrassed boys ANDY You've been through our sex drawer! SANDRA Well, I didn't know it was your sex drawer until I opened it, did I? Point is if I can find your treasures, so can Jake. You have to think about these things now. You�ll have to have to find somewhere new to keep your toys. Anyway, I can't imagine you use all of these do you? We might as well have a wee clear out. Right. SANDRA Keep, tip, recycle? I could always bring it home if you don't want it? ANDY Mam! SANDRA I'm only joking! Or am I? Bit of bleach, it�d be good as new. ANDY Oh my actual god! SANDRA Oh, have a look in the front room. I got a few wee bits and bobs for Jake ANDY This is not a few bits and bobs! SANDRA Hmm, I got excited. ANDY But he'll come with his own stuff Mam and I already bought him a few extra things from us. GABRIEL Have you? ANDY Er, yeah GABRIEL This isn't a few extra things. ANDY I got excited. GABRIEL I thought we were doing this together? SANDRA What are you gonna do for a bed? Do you want me to ANDY No. I've already had a look around Ikea. SANDRA Oh, are these the colours you're thinking of? Not that. That will get grubby so quickly, but maybe ANDY Oh, for God's sake Mam, back off! You need to let us do this on our own. SANDRA Sorry love, it�s just I never thought I was gonna be a Nanna. GABRIEL When did you get this wardrobe? ANDY I built it? Yesterday? SANDRA It looks like you and I are both gonna have to get used to being a spare part, eh, Gabe? GABRIEL this is where we cook, Jake. Dad's a brilliant cook. ANDY You can help make them with me if you like. GABRIEL And I'll help eat them. ANDY Lucky I�d made plenty! Gabe ate five. GABRIEL I�m just gonna pick up my wages. Don't wait up. CELYN and then the poor dad developed somewhat of a foot fetish. And by foot fetish, ok, I don�t just mean a toe in the mouth. No It�s true. Said he preferred the girth FANNY To what do we owe this pleasure, blodyn. Ta ddylswn i alw chdi'n Dadi? GABRIEL If I can call you Grandma. FANNY Touch�. CELYN Jesus, Gabriel! I thought you were dead. Sent you a wreath last week. No, I�m only teasing. He's not dead. He's dad. Thank you. Because Gabe and his hero of a partner Andy have somehow managed to convince social services to trust them with a child. Yeah, so their lives may as well be over! FANNY Ti isio mynd ar heno? CELYN (O.S.) You wouldn�t catch me with a child. My brother�s enough of a fucking liability FANNY Why do you have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness? GABRIEL Just wishing I was ifanc eto, na gyd. O chdi'n fucking mess pan o chdi'n ifanc. Ddes i gytre achos ti. FANNY And now, dear Peter; it's time you grew up. GABRIEL What if I'm shit at it? FANNY O'n i'n rubbish yn pwp-dwllio i ddechra but look at me now! GABRIEL Ond beth os sai'n lico fe? FANNY Cariad bach o'dd mam druan yn aml isho sdwffio fi ond tin gw'bod be odd 'i geira ola hi i fn diwadd? FANNY (CONT) Chdi, nghariad oedd 'y camgymeriad gora wnesh i erioed. GABRIEL Wi ffili stopo meddwl am Mami FANNY Wrth gwrs bo' chdi. Ma' hynny'n naturiol. Ond fydd raid chdi neud tro 'fo fi, ma' gynna i ofn. A dwi'n gweud 'tha chdi GABRIEL Ond beth os so Jake yn lico fi? FANNY Then, my darling, at least he'll have fabulous taste. I'll be forever blue. That you give me no reason Soul, I hear you calling, Oh, baby, please Give a little respect to me. JACKIE Now we�re all here Claire, do you want to lead on the practicalities. Seeing as you've done this hundreds of times before. CLAIRE Good. I can't bear fannying around in planning meetings. Grab your pen, boys. Take a deep breath. Welcome to 'Introductions. Monday. I'll want you at mine ten o�clock sharp. Don't be late. He'll have been up since six, waiting for you. ANDY Hey, buddy. Alright CLAIRE Two hours will be quite enough on the first day. CLAIRE Because the next day, you can stay for lunch; see how I do things. Meet the whole gang. GABRIEL Oh, I don't like CLAIRE People who don't eat their greens. Neither do I. Clear your plate boys. Or there won't be any pudding. It�ll be an even earlier start for you the following day cause I'll need you there for ANDY Morning, sweetheart. Hi CLAIRE But be warned. He�ll start testing you as the week goes on JAKE Claire lets me have sugar. CLAIRE Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You said no sugar, so it's no sugar. Your rules now, Dadi. GABRIEL Jake ANDY Jake? GABRIEL Jake? CLAIRE By now, you�ll be taking him out all day. JAKE Dads! I want to go now! Now! MAN Which one of you's his Dad? ANDY We both are. CLAIRE Then that evening you'll do the bed time routine with me. Bath, not shower. Boys smell, always better to submerge their bits. ANDY You want GABE No, it�s fine out of bed while GABE struggles to wake up. CLAIRE (V.O.) Then the next day, we will come to yours for the first time ANDY Come on! CLAIRE Hi. GABRIEL Hey. ANDY Hey. CLAIRE Come on. Your bedroom first! Yeah? Come ANDY, GABE and CLAIRE watch JAKE staring in awe and wonder at his new room. A little boy's paradise. ANDY Do you like it, Jake? JAKE shakes his head. ANDY and GABE look to CLAIRE upset and concerned. I bloody love it! CLAIRE Do you want to hear the sharp side of my tongue? Your job now, not mine. ANDY First one to Billy wins!! 1, 2, 3! You ok? GABRIEL Be careful Jake, er ANDY Ok GABRIEL Make sure he doesn�t ANDY Ok, Gabe GABRIEL There�s no room. ANDY Gabe, come on! GABRIEL Andy, there�s no room. It�s fine. ANDY Ok. Alright ANDY Ok, are you ready? GABRIEL Let�s get a picture! ANDY Let�s get a photo! Ok! Yah! GABRIEL Cheese! JAKE/ANDY Cheese! ANDY Yeah! GABRIEL Good. I�m just popping to Neverland to sort out my costume for Friday. I won't be long. DRIVER Take it easy, mate. GABRIEL I'm sorry. It won't happen again. ANDY Gabe got drunk last night. He hasn't got drunk sinceI'm worried he's having second thoughts. SANDRA Have you asked him? Don't be too hard on him, poor mite. We're all damaged. It just so happens your damage makes you behave like a saint. ANDY I'm not damaged! SANDRA You've got some intense abandonment issues, love. It's why you can't help yourself doing everything. You mother him all the time. You'll do anything you can to stop him leaving. ANDY That is not true. SANDRA You brought me breakfast in bed every morning from the age of seven, sweet-heart. That�s not normal. ANDY Well, you�re one to talk. You're, you�re over-bearing. SANDRA Same issue. Your father was a wanker. ANDY Hmm. SANDRA Go on love, go on Not in, love? Maybe if you involved him a wee bit more ANDY Don't blame me! What if he doesn't want this, Mam? SANDRA Well, you both have to want it, love, otherwise it'll be a disaster. ANDY The problem is if he doesn't want it then SANDRA You still do. ANDY Yeah. More than anything. SANDRA More than Gabriel? ANDY I don't know, Mam. SANDRA Oh, love. JAKE Hi Dad and Dadi. ANDY Oh hiya Jake! Oh. I see Billy's arrived! CLAIRE And there's my potty-mouthed Dads! CLAIRE Now, remind me Jake. Which one's which again? JAKE Easy. Dad. Dadi. Dadi likes to wear dresses.Dadisounds a bit like Mummy, so GABRIEL Bit heteronormative that, Jake. ANDY looks at GABE incredulously. JAKE How can I be that when I don't even know what it means? GABRIEL Well, it means JAKE Is it when you don't like gays? Cause I do like gays. I asked for two gays when I met you, didn't I, Claire? CLAIRE Two Dads, Jake. JAKE And today, when Karson in year six said gay people were disgusting cause they mince all the time, I punched him in the face, didn't I, Claire? CLAIRE Jake! I was hoping we might warm up to that. JAKE If you like wearing dresses Dadi, does that mean you do all the cooking as well? ANDY Well, at least he's claiming us! GABRIEL You laughed at me. ANDY No, I didn't. GABRIEL Yes, you did. You and Claire. GABRIEL I mean, I know it's funny that I can't cook ANDY Oh, that isn�t wy we were laughing He picks up the laptop and gets up. GABRIEL That I can do fuck all! GABRIEL Andy cooks. Andy builds wardrobes. In fact, what useful skills am I actually bringing to the parenting table? ANDY Oh, for God's sake don't be so petty. You sew GABRIEL Oh, a fat lot of good that�ll do if a tsunami hits Cardiff. ANDY We don't get tsunamis in Cardiff! You're behaving like a fucking child, Gabriel! GABRIEL See! You are the mum and the dad. Delia Smith and Bob the Builder. And I'm just the lazy one! ANDY Now who's being heteronormative?! GABRIEL I'm not being heteronormative! ANDY No, no, you just said that women do the cooking whilst men do the DIY! You can�t get more binary than that babe! You know, for a proud queer you ain't half internalised some dodgy shit along the way. GABRIEL It's what I grew up with! ANDY Ah, bullshit! Your Dad did everything when your mammy passed away. GABRIEL Yeah, well in case you hadn't noticed, I'm not dead! But you still do everything! ANDY Yeah, well, I wouldn't have to if you pulled your fucking finger out! GABRIEL So you do think I'm lazy! ANDY No, no! I think you're being a twat and this isn't a competition! GABRIEL Tough shit. There's two of us. It will be! ANDY Ok. Ok so, well, maybe we want this to stop then. Is that it? GABRIEL We couldn't do that can't let him down. GABRIEL Can we? ANDY No, Gabe. I have no intention of letting him down. ANDY I'm talking about us. Because if this isn't working for you then maybe we should stop. Because I will adopt Jake. With or without you. GABRIEL I'm sorry. GABRIEL I didn't mean ANDY I know. GABRIEL I want to adopt Jake. I do. Silence. ANDY Well, we don't need to worry about that anymore now, do we? CELYN One of the only reasons Mam sent me to a Welsh-language school is because when I grew up she wanted me to fuck Ioan Gruffudd! I'm serious! So you know, off I tootled. And at first I�m thinking why the fuck has she sent me here? Cause even at eleven, ok, I am camper than Nigel Owens and Gareth Thomas doing the tango. I stuck out like an erect penis. Especially yours, I hear. He did! It was only afterwards I realised the world's best-kept secret. That Welsh, well, Cymraeg�is actually one of us. Seriously! Welsh is totally Cwiar! Oh, alright? Oh, you�re here late I'm so in love with you GABRIEL Celyn GABE Just stop. CELYN laughs. Oh, suit yourself. Oh, everyone out there loved me tonight. I'll be replacing you soon GABRIEL If Welsh is so queer friendly, explain man gripper to me CELYN What are you talking about? GABRIEL Gwrwgydiwr? CELYN But 'cydiwr' doesn't mean gripper, does it? It's an old Welsh-word for copulate. GABRIEL How do you know that? CELYN My lecturer told me. In my final year. Read through my dissertation on queer theory and Cymraeg. I should interview you really. It�s better when you got a Welsh chip on your shoulder the size of Anglesey GABRIEL I don't have a chip on my shoulder! CELYN Why aren't you sending Jake to a Welsh language school then? GABRIEL That's really none of your business! CELYN You need to get over yourself, Gabe. The world's moved on. Queers have even taken over the fucking Eisteddfod. GABRIEL Haven't you just changed your pronoun to they, Celyn? CELYN So? GABRIEL Well, Welsh nouns are gendered so CELYN Not all nouns. Some are masculine and feminine. And I bet you didn't even know that North-Walian for penis is feminine. Couldn�t get any queerer than that! I'm thinking of changing my pronoun to 'Welsh' actually. I'm not quite settled on they GABRIEL That doesn't make any sense to me. CELYN Well, not everything�s about you, Gabriel. GABRIEL Says he. CELYN Says they'. GABRIEL You've got to let people make mistakes, Cel CELYN Why the fuck should I tolerate other people's mistakes? My Dad never fucking tolerated me, did he? Fuck's sake, they've got you now. They've fucking got you, ain�t they? GABRIEL Who's fucking got me? CELYN You know, you used to be radical, Gabe. And now what, one sniff of parenthood and you've turned fucking straight. GABRIEL Can you believe he said that? FANNY They GABRIEL They! THEY! They think they know it all! FANNY Ac o' chdi ddim pan o' chdi'i hoed nhw? GABRIEL You know what I mean. GABRIEL Ma cwiars ifanc mor grac o hyd. Yn canslo pobl. Striwo gyrfaoedd ar Twitter. Y straights o'dd yn arfer ymosod arno ni achos bod ni'n rhy queer; nawr y queers sy'n ymosod arno' ni achos we're not queer enough. FANNY You sing it, sister. GABRIEL Sai'n teimlo bod fin perthyn rhagor. FANNY Now it's all LGBTQX-tra large with a whopper. One can't keep up. FANNY Mind you, swn i'n ifanc ra�an, ella swn i'n non-binary. Ond o'n i'n rhy brysur yn mynd i angladda yn yr wythdega i ddechra meddwl am bronouns. FANNY In this world there is a kind of painful progress GABRIEL So shwt ddiawl wi fod i arwain Jake drwy hyn i gyd, pan sai'n deall y byd 'ma rhagor? Especially pan mae'n dwlu ar Andy. Ma pawb yn caru Andy FANNY A ma' Andy'n caru chdi, blodyn. So paid taflu hyn i gyd i fwrachos rhyw hen insecurities. Neu ti'n gadael i'r basdads ennill. Ddim yr hogyn bach queer 'na sy'n cael ei fwlio wyt ti ddim mwy. Ti'n oedolyn ra�an. She looks at him meaningfully. GABRIEL Fuck. FANNY Be? GABRIEL We're the dinosaurs now. CELYN Gabe? Sorry, babes. I was a bit of a dick back then. It�s just the coke talking � GABRIEL It's fine,blodyn. You made me think actually CELYN Well, Mam always used to say you need a man to stimulate your brain as well as your balls. Wait, does this mean you're gonna shag me? I won't tell anyone. GABRIEL Andy isn't just anyone. And neither are you. CELYN Alright, Grandad. Suit yourself. GABRIEL It's Dadi, actually. NEVERLANDER Celyn! FANNY Fly my pretty, fly. ANDY Where were you? ANDY You said you wouldn't be long.I,I phoned you GABRIEL My phone died GABRIEL Cariad. ANDY I'm sorry. I thought maybe you'd I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't trust you GABRIEL This isn�t your fault, And. It�s mine, I�ve done this to you. ANDY No, it is. I've done this to you! Mam said I mother you too much because I've got abandonment issues. GABRIEL Well ANDY And it's not your fault that my shit makes me behave like a saint while your shit makes you behave like a twat. GABRIEL Thanks I think? No, I�m not a saint though, Gabe. And I can't keep forgiving you over and over and over again � GABRIEL But you won't have to, I promise! ANDY And I've been panicking that's it's all just gonna happen again and ANDY I thought I was going to have to choose Jake over you but I don't want to lose you. And I don�t. I thought I did but I really, really don't GABRIEL You are not going to lose me, you idiot. Oh my God, And. You're turning into me! You crazy person. Before you know it, I'll be doing the cooking and building shelves ANDY And I'll make space for you, if that's what you want; I will, I promise. GABRIEL I don't want to cook or build shelves! ANDY And that's fine too! You don't have to. Cause I actually really love all that shit. We just need to GABRIEL Be ourselves ANDY Yes! And, and, and I need to GABRIEL To actually believe me when I say that I'm really not going anywhere. ANDY Yeah. But you need to stop hating yourself. GABRIEL I don't hate myself. ANDY Aha, yes, yes you do. You're a classic gay. You�re a classic Welsh gay. You�re doubly oppressed. Doubly self-hating. Double the internalised shame. It's exhausting. But I love you anyway, you twat. I bloody love you. GABRIEL Come here. I bloody love you too. ANDY Now who's mothering, eh? GABRIEL I'm fathering actually. Do you want me to stop? ANDY Nah. You're alright actually. CLAIRE Come on JAKE I've come for a sleep-over. ANDY Hey, Jake. Don't you want to say goodbye? Sorry. CLAIRE Don't be. It's as it should be. See you tea-time tomorrow. CLAIRE And don't put up with any shit. JAKE Goal! GABRIEL Are you sure you don't want to play out there? There's much more space. GABRIEL Why don't we just pass it back and forwards to each other? JAKE How do I win then? GABRIEL It's not about winning. It's just erm it�s just fun? JAKE I have fun when I'm winning. Let's play dodge ball instead. GABRIEL Stop it! JAKE What's wrong? GABRIEL There�s nothing wrong. Just you're not keeping Dadi safe. Stop it, Jake. GABRIEL For GOD'S SAKE I SAID STOP IT! Sorry, Jake. GABRIEL I didn't mean to frighten you. I just had a bit of a shock, that's all. JAKE I wanna go home. GABRIEL Ok. Dad will have made us lunch. JAKE No. I want to go home. To Claire's. ANDY If you don't finish, there won't be any pudding. He looks at GABE. I see you've nearly finished, Dadi. Want some cake? JAKE You bought a cake with my name on it? ANDY Bought? I made a cake with your name on it. It was Dadi's idea. Shall I go? GABRIEL It's ok. I will. Jake? I've made a right mess of things, haven't I? Of course Jake�s gonna find it hard to control his emotions. Must be such a lot going on in his head. I know my head feels pretty full right now. That feels a bit better. JAKE Am I a girl now or am I still Jake? GABRIEL Well, what do you think I am? JAKE A Dadi? GABRIEL Then I think you're still a Jake. Hello, Jake. JAKE Hello, Dadi. ANDY What was that song? GABRIEL Just a song my parents used to sing to me. GABRIEL Maybe we should explore some Welsh schools. Take a look. It wouldn't do any harm, would it? JACKIE So, we�re all set for Monday then? CLAIRE No. He's attaching really well. We wait til Monday; he'll start shifting back towards me. It needs to happen sooner. GABRIEL I've got my last performance tonight. CLAIRE Then make it a good one. And he can move in tomorrow. ANDY looks excited. LLINOS But we don't usually place on weekends. CLAIRE Well, I'll be around if anything goes wrong. As far as I can see, we don't have a choice. If we don't do it soon, we'll jeopardise the attachment. EVE ANDY gets in behind the wheel, GABE next to him. They close the doors and both exhale, slightly daunted. GABRIEL Fuck. ANDY Fuck. GABRIEL So this is it. ANDY Yeah. Last night of freedom. GABRIEL Let's go out tonight before the show? A date. ANDY What? GABRIEL Like the old days. GABRIEL Look, if you're worried about how much there's still left to do, then don't come to Neverland. ANDY What and miss your last performance. GABRIEL But there'll be plenty more. GABRIEL Come on. Please. Last night of freedom COMPERE give it up for Gabriel and Andy! GABRIEL I will love you I will love you ANDY Hey? Hey lads! ANDY Hey, break it up there lads, come on He tries to pull them apart ANDY Someone�s gonna get hurt Come on, lads, come on Woah, woah I was trying to LAD #1 What the fuck? Run, run, run! LAD #2 Come on, let�s go! Come what may, Come what may