ANDY BECKY BOY CHILDREN CLAIRE CONGREGATION DANIEL EMRYS EVERYONE EZMIE FAIRY_GODMOTHER FANNY_AMPLE FOSTER_CARER GABE GABRIEL JACKIE JAKE KENNY_EVERETT LIAM LLINOS LOST_BOYS MARGARET_THATCHER PRINCE_CHARMING REPORTER SANDRA SHARON SOCIAL_WORKER SUSAN TAMSIN TEENAGE_GABRIEL TV_PRESENTER VOICE_ON_TV YOUNGER_EMRYS YOUNG_GABRIEL

JACKIE
So, boys. Tell me. Why do you want to adopt?
ANDY
Well, we've been talking about it for a while now, haven't we, Gabe?
GABRIEL
Mm-hm.
ANDY
And we're really solid. Erm, been together oh, eight years now, so it feels like the natural next step.
Doesn't it? 
GABRIEL
Mmhm.
JACKIE
I'm sensing you're a little bit nervous, Gabriel?
GABRIEL
I'm not nervous.
JACKIE
Good. Just answer honestly and we'll all get along fine.
JACKIE
Are you married?
ANDY
Eh no, no 
JACKIE
Not that it's a problem 
ANDY
Gabriel thinks it's heteronormative.
He thinks it's what straight couples do when they�ve run out of things to say. 
JACKIE
Will you take paternity leave then or
ANDY
Er, we're gonna split it. So I�m gonna take nine months and Gabe is gonna take -
ANDY
One Three.
GABRIEL
One Three.
ANDY
I thought you were just taking the one though?
GABRIEL
No. Three.
And we want a girl. Don't we, And? 
JACKIE
Why's that?
GABRIEL
Boys are nothing but trouble.
I was told we could be specific? 
JACKIE
But you're halving your chances there. I mean, I'd encourage you to keep your options open.
GABRIEL
We'd really like a girl though.
Wouldn't we, And?
JACKIE
And what do you do, Andy?
ANDY
Ach, I'm an accountant.
JACKIE
Well, it�s nothing to be ashamed of.
ANDY
Well, it�s certainly not as exciting as Gabe.
JACKIE
Yes, I hear you�re a drag queen? 
GABRIEL
I'm not a drag queen.
JACKIE
What are you then?
ANDY
He's wonderful. People come from miles to see him. Oh, you should hear him sing. At Neverland.
JACKIE
Done.
Do you mind if I have a quick look around the house? I just wanna check you're not serial killers or something. 
ANDY
What? 
GABRIEL
Why did you invite her to Neverland?  
ANDY
She might be into muff?
JACKIE
I wouldn't like to say. We've only just met.
JACKIE
First rule of parenting. Watch what you say. You never know who's listening.
But sometimes I wonder
What happened to those with whom I shared adventures, those pirates
And lost boys and fairies
And sometimes
those wonderings, 
they give me the strangest of feelings.
Fleeting moments in my mind
Of those once upon a times long ago
Oh! Where did all the lost boys go?
Somewhere I'll never know.
Those pirates
and lost boys and fairies
Where are we?
JACKIE
You may need stair gates depending on their age, top and bottom.
Is that you?
Oh! I see what you mean, you're a work of art. 
This one�s got better tits than I have!
I'm a social worker, boys. Not a priest.She continues up the stairs.
Oh wow!
GABRIEL
It's where the magic happens!
JACKIE
Then put a lock on it, or your magic will soon be 
covered in snot. 
And you'll need
a lock here
And here
and that'll have to go, won't it? 
And what about
Your health? Your finances?
Your childhood?  
GABRIEL
My childhood?
JACKIE
Yes. The way you were parented can have a significant impact on the parent you're likely to become. 
GABRIEL
Oh but I'll do things very differently.
JACKIE
That's what they all say. 
JACKIE
Look, children can push buttons you never even knew you had. 
GABRIEL
But I had a very happy childhood. Mam and Dad moved to be closer to Cardiff just after I was born 
JACKIE
Tell me about your parents.
GABRIEL
Dad was a physics teacher; Mam worked at a nursery 
JACKIE
Welsh-language schools?
GABRIEL
Er, yes Mam was loving
GABRIEL
Nurturing
GABRIEL
Dad was
GABRIEL
well, there was a lot of capel, er chapel. Dad is a deacon. His Dad was a minister so
GABRIEL
My Mam helped out with Sunday school until
GABRIEL 
She died. When I was little. A brain haemorrhage.
JACKIE
Oh Gabriel, I'm so sorry to hear that. 
GABRIEL
Oh, it's fine. It was a long time ago. 
JACKIE
Well, it must have been incredibly traumatic for you 
as a child?
YOUNGER EMRYS
Non? Non, Non, Non! 
GABRIEL
I don't remember much about it now, to be honest.
JACKIE
Will you raise your child to speak Welsh as well
GABRIEL
No.
GABRIEL 
It wouldn't be fair on Andy, would it?
ANDY 
Why not? 
I'm thinking of having lessons actually.
GABRIEL
But don't you think it's like therapy but without the actual therapy. 
ANDY
I'm not the one who has a problem with it.
GABRIEL
The way she looks at you with those judgy-mc-judge-judge eyes. 
I mean, does it need to be so intrusive? Why does she need to know everything. Any arsehole can shoot their load and make a baby. 
ANDY
Exactly. Hence the need for adoption. And why she has to make sure we're not gonna, you know, further damage an already traumatised child. 
You haven't mentioned
GABRIEL
What do you take me for?
ANDY
I know what you're like. You over share. 
He gets into bed. 
Plus she told us not to lie. And you hate lying so
GABRIEL
Yes. But I'm not lying, am I? Just being frugal with the truth. 
ANDY
Ach!
GABRIEL 
Aren't you finding it intense?
ANDY 
Honestly Jackie, it�s true!  
Apart from wanting to get as far away from my Dad as possible, I swear the only reason she chose Cardiff was because she was hoping she'd make friends with Shirley Bassey!
We didn't have a lot, but erm, I didn't want for love. So now I want to be able to pass that on to someone. Erm, help them thrive. Make a difference.   
JACKIE
And did your mum ever befriend Shirley?
ANDY
Yeah, she tried. Nearly got arrested.
Yeah, yeah. It is quite intense, isn't it? 
JACKIE
So, tell me about your erm, hobbies when you were 
little?
MARGARET THATCHER 
Children who
need to be taught to respect traditional moral values 
GABRIEL  
I liked reading?
MARGARET THATCHER 
are being taught that they have an inalienable right to be gay. 
MARGARET THATCHER 
All of those children are being cheated of a sound start in life
GABE 
And dressing up.
Loved dressing up
YOUNGER EMRYS 
Come on now, boy!
KENNY EVERETT
Make sure it�s all done in the best possible taste!
YOUNGER EMRYS
Gabriel?
Gabriel?
GABRIEL
Pretty good I'd say. 
GABERIEL 
It was just him and me so
GABRIEL 
But music was my happy place.
JACKIE 
And how
does your dad feel about the adoption? Is he excited?
GABRIEL
We haven't actually told him yet.
We wanted to tell him face to face. 
I�m sure he�ll be delighted. Yeah
JACKIE
So, next session we'll move on to
When did you have your first inkling that you might be gay?
GABRIEL
Well, there's never one moment, Jackie. More a series of moments
a gradual dawning.
JACKIE
And did you struggle with it?
TEENAGE GABRIEL
gwared fi rhag drwg. 
feddylie brwnt, a bechgyn golygus a codiadau cyson 
GABRIEL
No, not really
JACKIE
How about your Dad?
GABRIEL 
Being a teenager�s horrific, isn't it? It's just a confusing time. I mean, I didn't know if I wanted to kill the boys who picked on me or fuck them instead!
Oh, God erm, sorry. I forgot where I was for a moment
JACKIE
Were you bullied, Gabriel?
GABRIEL
God no! Nothing like that. I was never bullied. Just the usual stuff
BOY 
Bender!
GABRIEL 
But, I mean, I'm actually grateful for it. It made me 
who I am today. 
GABRIEL
Being an outsider gave me an advantage because all that time I threw into music.  
I loved the attention.
JACKIE 
Your Dad must have been so proud.
GABRIEL 
I think so. He is not much of a talker
JACKIE
Would you like to teach your child to play the piano?
GABRIEL
I don't play now.
JACKIE
Don't you?
GABRIEL
I left music college at the end of the first year so
JACKIE
Left?
GABRIEL
Yeah. I just found it a bit constraining, you know?            
I lost a few years to temping
And that's where I met
ANDY
Andy. 
Would you would you mind if I kissed you? 
I�m sorry. I,I shouldn't have said
GABRIEL
No, no, it's fine.  It�s just no one's ever asked my permission before.
I often say that
that kiss saved my life. 
Not that it needed saving. 
JACKIE
Can I ask you personally, Gabriel why you want to adopt?
GABRIEL
Honestly?
JACKIE
Yeah. Yeah, much better to be completely honest in the long run.
GABRIEL 
Ok I want to adopt because because
Because I see all these young people having fun like I used to and I can't do it anymore. Because I'm utterly bored with the mundanity of life: the cycle of work and countless late nights. Because all the men my age in the park seem to have children now; because I love Andy so much and I know it will make him happy; but more than that, I want to adopt because I think it'll make me a much kinder, tolerant, patient person. I'll become less angry and bitter and I'll have no choice but to grow up and care for someone other than myself and so I'll finally have to remove my head out of my damaged, promiscuous, yet still perfectly agreeable, arse-hole.
ANDY
You didn't say that?
GABRIEL
Of course, I didn't. I just said
I honestly think Andy and I have a lot we can offer as parents.
ANDY
Ok. Erm, risk of special needs as a result of 
parental 
GABRIEL
Wouldn't accept. 
ANDY
Harsh!
GABRIEL
We both work. 
ANDY
So? Shouldn't we at least be open to it? Every case is different.
GABRIEL
We wouldn't have the capacity and you know it. Jackie said dealing with their trauma will be hard enough.
ANDY
Alright, alright. 
Down's Syndrome?
GABRIEL
Wouldn�t accept.
ANDY
This is horrible, can't we at least 
GABRIEL
Zip it, Saint Andrew. 
ANDY
But what would Mother Teresa do?
GABRIEL
Nothing! She's dead. 
Pregnant people get scanned for anomalies all the time. 
ANDY
Ok, well, what about AIDS or HIV then?
VOICE ON TV
At first only gays and IV drug users were being killed by AIDS. But in three years, nearly two thousand of us will be dead. 
GABRIEL
Wouldn�t accept.
ANDY
Are you kidding me?
GABRIEL
It�ll complicate things.
ANDY
It's not complicated.
GABRIEL
It�s still a complication though.
ANDY
Try saying that to Ber 
GABRIEL
I'm sure Berwyn would agree
FANNY AMPLE
Like fuck bo fin mynd i cytuno'r cont. 
Mae'n rhwybeth hollol manageable. 
A dwi'n iach fatha cneuen, diolch yn fawr!
JACKIE
Well, it's great to know you're open to discussing most things. Erm, though I would like to chat through your resistance to meeting the birth parents?
ANDY
Er, I was open to it
GABRIEL
They're hardly going to be civil if their kids have been taken off them?
JACKIE
Don't assume anything, Gabe. Just keep an open mind. See, you�d be able to give your child a fuller picture of birth mum or dad. And most adopters find it a really positive experience. And we all deserve a second chance, don�t we?
Why don't I say that you're open to it, for now?
ANDY
Ok. 
JACKIE
I've got a few questions about your support network. And in terms of family, you�ve only got Andy�s mum down so far
GABRIEL
Won't she do?
ANDY
Especially cause I sometimes think she prefers Gabe to me!
SANDRA
Gabe's just wonderful, isn't he? He's bought so much colour to Andy�s life. And's so sensible, you know? He had to grow up fast. But Gabe! He brings all the sparkle! Did he tell you he studied at the Royal college? 
SUSAN 
Not just any old college now. A Royal one. Not that I'm into Charles or anything, but always nice to know he approves.
JACKIE
But it would help your case to put your Dad down too; 
otherwise they may wonder why you didn't?
GABRIEL 
I'm phoning
with some good news, actually.
EMRYS 
Pam ti'n siarad Saesneg?
GABRIEL
Andy's here with me.  But hang on, I can put you on loud-speaker!
EMRYS 
Na, na. Paid neud na. 
Dere mla'n, Gabriel.
Wi ar yn ffordd i bractis c�r.
GABRIEL
We're going to adopt!
EMRYS 
Be ti'n feddwl adopt?
GABRIEL 
Mabwysiadu? 
Plentyn?
GABRIEL 
We're gonna be parents.
Dad?
EMRYS 
Chi 'di meddwl mbiti hyn?
GABRIEL
Wrth gwrs bod ni di
Yeah, of course we've thought about this. 
Beth sy'n bod? On i'n
gobitho set ti n falch.
EMRYS
Wi jyst ddim yn meddwl bod e'n syniad da, Gabriel. 
ANDY 
We just need to educate him 
Hold his hand. 
Gabe had loads of nature/nurture anxieties at the beginning too.
GABRIEL
No, I didn't. 
ANDY
You kept talking about The Omen. 
JACKIE
Fears are perfectly normal. We run workshops for relatives which are really effective at putting people�s minds at rest. There�s some amazing books out there too.
GABRIEL
Sorry, but it's gonna take a lot more than a book and a workshop. 
ANDY
You just need to talk to him again. It'll be fine.
GABRIEL
No, Andy, it won't be fine because 
He doesn't think that gay men deserve to be parents!
FANNY AMPLE
Has he actually said that?
GABRIEL
He doesn't need to.
ANDY
I honestly don't think it's the gay thing. It's the adoption thing.
JACKIE
I mean perhaps, Gabriel, you're projecting your anxieties onto your father because that�s what you grew up believing.
GABRIEL
Nonsense! I don't believe that. It's Dad! Not me! Of course, I deserve to have children! In fact, I deserve them far more than he ever did because mine aren't gonna grow up half as screwed up as I did. Because I will make damn sure they know whoever they are and whatever they become that they have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!
JACKIE
Ok
Gabriel
There�s something you're not telling me. 
TV PRESENTER
Only gays were being killed by AIDS
REPORTER
a local authority shall not promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship.
MARGARET THATCHER
they have an inalienable right to be gay.
JACKIE
Gabe? Is there anything I should know?
ANDY
What the hell did you go and tell her all of that for? The last time was years ago
We dealt with it. You sorted it out.
You know what your boundaries are. Right, you, you never get drunk. You never touch white wine or Prosecco. 
There's no problem anymore.
GABRIEL
Exactly. So it doesn't matter that I told her, does it?
ANDY
Grow up, Gabriel! Of course, it matters! The only reason kids get adopted nowadays is because their parents are too fucked to look after them. So why on 
earth should social services trust us with one when you used to get just as fucked up as well?
Sorry
GABRIEL
But you're right, aren't you? What's the difference? 
ANDY
But you came through it in the end?
GABRIEL
Only because you could afford to pay for my therapy. Hardly seems fair, does it? 
ANDY
Do you even want to adopt? 
Because if you don't then
GABRIEL
Of course, I want to adopt. Of course, I do.
Now I've gone and fucked everything up again, haven't I? 
JACKIE
Not necessarily. 
I talked to my manager and we both agree the fact that you've been honest goes in your favour. I mean, I actually think that people who've conquered their addictions can make excellent adopters. Because they know what it is to live through trauma.
Look, I don't want us to get ahead of ourselves, cause it will depend on panel and it will depend on the child's social worker. And not everyone�s gonna necessarily think the way I do 
ANDY
But it's, it�s not game over?
JACKIE
I wouldn't carry on if I didn't think I could get you both through this. 
I spoke to your therapist this morning and she said
SHARON
Most gay men his generation are still dealing with the effects of decades of shame. But Gabriel's developed several strategies to manage his compulsions and, in my professional view, I think he'd make an excellent parent.
ANDY
He never even gets drunk anymore.
GABRIEL
Two's the magic number.
JACKIE
You and me both, love. Look, I've no doubt you've got so much you can offer a child, Gabe. Both of you. So, I think we should just proceed as normal. If that's what you want?
JACKIE and ANDY look at GABE. GABE looks at ANDY then JACKIE, then puts his arm around ANDY�s waist and smiles.
GABRIEL
Try stopping me.
Sorry. He is such a poof.
JACKIE
Oh God, I'm late for court. Don't worry, I shall see myself out. And I'll give you a ring in the week. There's erm, an activity day I think you should go 
to
ANDY
Er?
GABRIEL
An activity what?
JACKIE
Activity day. Where you get to meet children waiting to be adopted.
GABRIEL
What? Like kiddy speed-dating?
JACKIE
Gabe. Please don't let the other social workers hear you call it that.
ANDY
But we haven't been approved yet.
JACKIE
It'll be after approval. And I know you'll be sensible. And you won't be seduced by superficial factors.
ANDY
Superficial factors?
GABRIEL
How cute they are.
ANDY
But do they know that's why they're there? 
JACKIE
The older ones will. 
GABRIEL
God, that's awful, isn't it?
JACKIE
I wasn't sure about it myself at first, but they've placed over a thousand children through them so at least consider it? I'll phone you. 
Speak to your Dad!
GABRIEL
And I know you don't think it's a good idea, but our social worker says that it could really help.
EMRYS
O, ermwyn dyn, Gabriel. 
The way you were behaving I thought you were going to tell me that you had cancer or something.
GABRIEL
Please, Dad
EMRYS
What do you take me for? I'm hardly going to say no, am I?
And it�s nice to be asked, actually.
ANDY
Thank you, Emrys.
EMRYS
But er parenting isn't easy, you know.
GABRIEL
I know that
EMRYS
And you could end up with anything.
GABRIEL
Thing?
EMRYS
Oh you, you know what I mean.
EMRYS 
Will they speak Welsh? 
GABRIEL
Would that make them more acceptable to you if they did?
EMRYS
Paid a bod y ridiculous, Gabriel
GABRIEL
Well, there's obviously a problem!
EMRYS
Dwi jyst
GABRIEL
What, Dad?
EMRYS
I just think a child needs a mother. That's all.
ANDY
No, Emrys. Look, I know how tough it must have been for you without Non; but a child doesn't need a mother. A child needs love. 
GABRIEL
Oh my God we're gonna be parents.
I feel like a dick.
JACKIE 
You look great. 
All the kids love Superman.
GABRIEL
Supergirl actually, Jackie. 
JACKIE
Was that heteronormative of me?
ANDY
Ignore him. He's always a twat when he's nervous.
ANDY
What's wrong with them? 
GABRIEL
Sizing up the competition, aren't they? I imagine we pose a veritable threat! 
Shit.
ANDY
Scundered. 
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Come on, we�re late!
PRINCE CHARMING
I don�t think we are
GABRIEL
But it's cheating. The theme's superheroes. Prince Charming's not a superhero. Fairy godmother's not a superhero. They should be disqualified.
ANDY
It's not a competition.
GABRIEL
Of course, it's a fucking competition. 
DANIEL
Hello, everybody. 	
EVERYONE
Hello
GABRIEL
Ooh, hello.
DANIEL
Now, I'm sure you're all feeling a mixture of excitement and nerves. Er, maybe a little anxious
GABRIEL
Why the hell are we so horny at the moment?
ANDY
Because our bodies think we want to procreate?
DANIEL
now in these brochures, you'll find all the children's details. Of course, you'll have your own matching criteria, and we know that people tend to zone in on their favourites but do try and circulate. 
Rule yourselves in, rather than out. Today is about seeing if you have an emotional connection with anyone. So, I'll give you all some time to look through them.
ANDY
Ready?
CHILDREN
Pick me! Pick me!
DANIEL 
Ok everybody
It�s almost 10:30. I�m sure you�re all really keen to 
get going
So, if you�re ready, please come on through
ANDY
Er, let's just wait, my love. Take our time. Not feel the pressure. Try and talk to them all.
What do you think of this one though?
GABRIEL
She had me at dress-up.
Is it wrong that I want to take her magic wand and shove it up her arse?
ANDY
Star end first.
JACKIE
There's plenty of time, boys. Go on. Get out there. Mingle. 
ANDY
Hi, I'm Andy. What's your name? 
EZMIE
My name's Ezmie. 
SOCIAL WORKER  
Would you like to sit down?
GABRIEL
Of course, we would.
Hi, Ezmie. I'm Gabriel. Andy's partner.
EZMIE
Gabriel? Like the angel? I was Mary.
GABRIEL
Were you now? I bet you were a lovely Mary.
EZMIE
I was. Wasn't I, Paula?
FOSTER CARER
You were, sweetheart.
GABRIEL
And what are you making there, Ezmie?
EZMIE
Dinosaur poo.
GABRIEL
Excellent. Andy loves nothing more than making dinosaur poo as well, don't you Andy?
ANDY
Oh er, yeah.
GABRIEL
In fact, many people don't know this, but Andy's actually the second-best dinosaur poo maker in the whole world. 
EZMIE
Who's first-best then?
GABRIEL
Well, duh you, Ezmie, of course.
ANDY
Er, where did that all come from? 
GABRIEL
What?
ANDY
You were lush. I mean, the way you just
I freaked out! God, this is much harder than I thought.
GABRIEL
I know.
ANDY
But you were amazing with her. You made it look so easy.
GABRIEL
That's because well, there was no pressure, was there?
ANDY
What do you mean?
GABRIEL
Because I knew there was no way that we'd ever take her on.
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Hello, can I sit here?
TAMSIN
Yeah!
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Oh, thank you.
Oh, that�s a pretty dress!
GABRIEL
Don't mind if we join you, do you?
FAIRY GODMOTHER
No
Look, this matches. Do you like cake? 
TAMSIN
It�s my favourite colour.
Yeah, me too! 
DANIEL
Excuse me
Er, Hazel? 
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Yeah.
DANIEL 
Hi. Yes erm I was wondering if I might have a quick chat with you?
DANIEL 
And your partner?
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Husband.
DANIEL
Husband. Of course.
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Come on.Come on!
GABRIEL
So, Tamsin. I hear you like Annie?
I can't believe we're being upstaged by a bargain basement Fairy Godmother and her closet case of a husband.When did we become the beige ones? 
ANDY
We're supposed to be quiet in here.
GABRIEL
She can't even apply mascara properly. She looks like a massive twat. 
ANDY
Be kind. You don't know what she's been through. 
GABRIEL
Stop being so bloody nice all the time, would you? It is annoying.
ANDY
Shush now
GABRIEL
Don't. I have a semi now.
ANDY
Come on. Let's do one more round. 
GABRIEL
It's like being back at school and no one wants to play with us.
JAKE 
That's how I feel too.
GABRIEL 
Fuck!
ANDY 
Shit!
JAKE
Hi.
GABRIEL
How long have you been there?
JAKE
Since lunchtime. 
JAKE 
You two swear a lot.
ANDY
Er, well we didn't think anyone else was in here.
JAKE
I like spying on people. Are you gays?
GABRIEL
Sorry?
JAKE
Cause Claire told me there might be gays here, but I've never met a real one before. 
GABRIEL
Ta-dah!
ANDY
Erm Claire, is she your, er your foster carer? Is she around anywhere?
JAKE
When you kissed, it sounded like you were slurping a giant ice lolly. Yuck. It was disgusting. I had to put my fingers in my ears. Do you have any lollies?
ANDY
Er, no 
JAKE
Sweets?
ANDY
No.
JAKE
You�re not trying very hard. Cause some of the others have sweets. You need to bring sweets if you want us to like you. Fairy Godmother has sweets.
JAKE
But she's a massive twat.
GABRIEL
What�re we doing?
ANDY
Following him.
GABRIEL
Why?
ANDY
I don't know. In case he says anything and we need to explain ourselves.
GABRIEL
ANDY
No! Wait. Does it?
GABRIEL
A bit. 
ANDY
I can't believe he heard us.
GABRIEL
I can't believe he heard me say I had a semi. What if he says he heard me say I had a semi and they don't approve us because I said I had a semi and he heard me say it?
ANDY
Wow, Gabriel. That was kind of extraordinary.
GABRIEL
Stop it. I'm serious. I think we just broke all the rules in the brochure.
ANDY
No more than Fairy Godmother child-catcher. We didn't bribe him, did we?
GABRIEL
But we made-out in front of him and called one of the other adopters a fucking twat.
JACKIE
Who's a fucking twat?
GABRIEL
Jackie. I think we've done a boo-boo.
We didn't know he was there.
JACKIE
It�s the first rule of parenting
GABRIEL
We know, we know! Shouldn't we apologise or something?
JACKIE
No, don't worry, seriously. I know his social worker, Llinos. Plus, his foster carer Claire is a hoot. It'll be fine. To be honest, that boy's heard a hell of a lot worse. Did you see his profile?
GABRIEL
We said between one and six. He's too old. 
JACKIE
Well, he's only just turned 7.
GABRIEL
Yeah, going on 40!
JACKIE
Well, you would be too if you'd been through what he has.
Anyway, I will speak to his family finder and we�ll get him to introduce you to Llinos and Claire.
GABRIEL
I thought we didn't need to apologise?
JACKIE
Well, you don't. I just think you should chat with them about Jake. 
GABRIEL
But he's a boy. 
JACKIE
I know but keep an open mind. Cause it sounds to me like you've made a connection.
CLAIRE
Right
before I start, which one of you's the Mum and which one of you's the Dad?
GABRIEL
Sorry?
CLAIRE
Got you! Look at their faces, Llinos! 
Don't worry, boys. My daughter's a lesbian and when I had my first gay adopters, she kept telling me off for trying to work out which one was the mum and which one was the dad. But then I realised, one was both, and the other one was lazy! 
CLAIRE
So, I hear you're interested in my Jakey?
GABRIEL 
Well
ANDY 
Yes.
CLAIRE
So, what can I tell you about Jake? He's my biggest achievement, that's what he is.
LLINOS
And you've been doing this for thirty years so that's saying something. How many is it now? 
GABRIEL
Sorry. Four hundred what?
CLAIRE
Children. 
GABRIEL
Shit.
CLAIRE
Jake was right. You do have potty-mouths
GABRIEL
Sorry.
CLAIRE
I'm teasing. Anyway, some people thought he was unadoptable when he first came to me. Didn't they, Llin? 
Said he was feral. Can you imagine that? Calling a child feral? He wasn't feral. He was terrified. Especially of men. Wouldn't come near Malcolm, that�s my husband, first couple of weeks. So then Malcs started taking him on the school run. Jake could just about manage that. Five minutes in the car with him. Belted in the back where he didn't have to look him in 
the eye. But then by the end of term Malcs had him singing along to 'Where do you go to my, lovely
ANDY
No way! That's,that�s the song Gabe performed the night we met!
CLAIRE
Well, there's a sign if ever I heard one! 
Voice of angel, Jake has. Mind you, he can be a right devil too sometimes. But nothing you can't handle. It's all bravado. He was under the sofa, wasn't he?
Yeah. That'll be right. He likes to hide in small spaces. That way he can be sure no one else is in there with him. 
But what that boy needs more than anything else is patience, cuddles and love. God, I'm gonna miss his cuddles. 
JACKIE
Gonna break my heart when he leaves. I'd adopt him myself but I've got six already.
ANDY
Six?!
CLAIRE
Three of my own; three adopted. And, anyway, two Dads would be bloody fantastic for him. As long as you can keep your hands off each other.
ANDY
We really are very sorry about all that.
CLAIRE
Don't be. Don't ever apologise for showing a child what real love looks like.
JACKIE
Do you want a minute, boys?
ANDY
Please. 
ANDY
We're all just children, aren't we?
Couldn�t we at least take a look at his CAR-B form?
GABRIEL
He's 7. And a boy. And it's complex. We can't just keep moving the goal posts. 
ANDY
I don't see what the problem is 
GABRIEL
I don't want a boy.
ANDY
But don't you feel 
GABRIEL
If it's just about feeling, why did we bother going through the assessment?
CLAIRE
Come on sweetheart.
GABRIEL
Maybe we should have a look.
Just a look. It doesn't mean 
ANDY
I know. I know. 
Just a look.
LLINOS 
Jake is an inquisitive, bright child, with a vivid imagination.
CLAIRE
Out came their very own baby
LLINOS 
He's deeply affectionate but can be extremely hyper-vigilant
and his behaviour can sometimes be difficult to manage. However, this has much improved during placement
and Jake is responding well to praise and firm boundaries. 
CLAIRE
You�re safe, hun. You�re safe. You�re safe
LLINOS 
He's come a long way since he first
arrived. He has a good relationship with both foster carers, demonstrating an ability to form a strong attachment
LIAM
What are you doing? Oh my god!
LLINOS 
Though he still has issues with trust due to his early years� experiences.
BECKY
Jake I�m sorry! I�m sorry, I�m sorry! Please Let me see him! Let me see him! Let me see him!
GABRIEL
Is violence hereditary?
ANDY
No I don't think so? 
GABRIEL
Because what if he ends up hurting us? What if his Dad turns up one day and kills us?
ANDY
That's highly unlikely though, isn't it?
GABRIEL
But, still there's no way I'd meet them. They're monsters. 
ANDY
Does that mean that you're
GABRIEL
I don't know. And he's so far removed from what we originally specified. He's a boy. I don't like boys
ANDY
But you're gay
GABRIEL
So, I know what they're capable of. We shouldn't be seduced just because we've met him. We just need to think about the cold hard facts. 
ANDY
But he isn't a cold hard fact anymore, is he?
GABRIEL
I knew this would happen. I knew that you would get attached. He's got some really intense needs and 
ANDY
Look, I know. I know.
GABRIEL
What would you do, Billy?
ANDY
Do it. Do it. Do it.
GABRIEL
Wrong gender though. Billy was actually a girl.
ANDY
No? Really?
GABRIEL
They only found out after she died.
ANDY
That's the thing, there's always been a place for everyone in Victoria Park; no matter what their gender.
What?
GABRIEL
You're such a twat.
ANDY
Just think about it.
NON/EMRY/GABRIEL
You live in a fancy apartment. 
Off the Boulevard St Michel
Where you keep your Rolling
Stones records
and a friend of Sacha Distel
Yes, you do So
look into my face, Marie-Claire. 
GABRIEL
Andy?
ANDY
What?
GABRIEL 
Let's do it.