ANNETTE CARMEN DETECTIVE_CHURCH DONALD GORDON KATHERINE LAWRENCE LU MIRANDA MRS_CAVENDISH PHILLIP SCRUFFY_MAN SEAN ANNETTE Miranda. Miranda! MIRANDA Mm. Oh, sorry, Annette. It's just the it's the new Christie book. ANNETTE Aren't you supposed to be at work? MIRANDA I would not make it through the day if it were not for this book. ANNETTE Oh, nonsense. You have a job, you don't live in a boarding house. Well, you've done quite well for yourself. MIRANDA Oh, so, that's it then? At least you're surrounded by stories. I'm surrounded by plants. ANNETTE Flowers, Miranda. You're surrounded by flowers. I mean, you spend your days surrounded by beauty and all you can think about are your morbid little stories. MIRANDA Little stories? Would that we could live a life a quarter as Inspector Poirot. Solving cases, uncovering plots, finding truth in all of the lies. Creating order out of the chaos. These are not little stories. Oh speaking of, were you able to find any more criminal ANNETTE It's from 1907, but MIRANDA Annette! You're so wonderful. Thank you. ANNETTE Of course. MIRANDA Oh. Oh. ANNETTE Miranda. MIRANDA Hmm? ANNETTE Shouldn't you be getting to work? MIRANDA Every contact leaves a trace. Oh. MRS CAVENDISH Oh. Oh, oh, dear! Oh, my! MIRANDA Let me help you. MRS CAVENDISH Thank you, Miranda, Dear. MIRANDA Oh, you're welcome. MRS CAVENDISH I passed three others and you are my only tenant who offered a hand. MIRANDA Oh, I'm sure they just didn't notice. MRS CAVENDISH That's what I like about you, dear. You're always paying attention. MIRANDA Good evening, Mrs. Cavendish. MRS CAVENDISH Oh, I almost forgot. A man dropped this off today. MIRANDA Did he say who it was from? MRS CAVENDISH No, but he didn't seem the courier type by the looks of his suit jacket. Perhaps he's a gentleman caller. MIRANDA Oh, one would have to meet gentlemen for them to come calling. MRS CAVENDISH Uh. MIRANDA Well, good night. MIRANDA "Miss Green, you have been cordially invited to Abbott Island for an audience with Mr. Lewis Findley over the upcoming weekend. All will be explained onsite, please pack accordingly. You may find your travel accommodations enclosed." Where's the return trip? Few concrete facts are known about the English textile magnate outside of his extreme wealth, estimated in the billions. The rest is hearsay and speculation. MIRANDA Well? ANNETTE I think it's a strange proposition and you should take heed. MIRANDA You've no sense of adventure. ANNETTE Adventure? I'm all for adventure. But Miranda, I know you're better than this. You're careful, pragmatic, and most of all, smart. And smart girls don't run off to islands, because they received an unmarked letter. MIRANDA It has Findley's seal! ANNETTE You said yourself the seal was different. MIRANDA Well, I'm currently working on a theory about that. ANNETTE Miranda, be reasonable. You're not Scotland Yard, you're a florist. What would your mother say? MIRANDA You're being robbed. ANNETTE What? That makes no sense. MIRANDA Sir, you can take the books out of your pockets now. SCRUFFY MAN I beg your pardon? MIRANDA There were 46 books on the rear bookshelf, There's currently 44. She would say it'd be safe. PHILLIP LAWRENCE Ah, here for Findley, I suppose? LAWRENCE Well, allow me to introduce everyone. This is Miss Lu Wang. Not much of a talker that one. Then these chatterboxes are Phillip Armstrong, doctor, and make no mistake, he will remind you. PHILLIP Well, my mother is very proud, as is my uncle, who is one of the top LAWRENCE Yes, fascinating. And then we ha I'm terribly sorry, dear. I've already forgotten your name. CARMEN My name is Carmen Blanco. Pleased to meet you. MIRANDA And what about him? LAWRENCE That is Donald Walker, an American journalist. Best to steer clear of that one. He's a bit of a DONALD Watch it, Kane. LAWRENCE Yes, well, Lawrence Kane at your service. Barrister by trade, London's foremost man about town by reputation. MIRANDA Miranda Green. Florist. LAWRENCE Ah, Miranda Green, florist. Welcome to our little party. LAWRENCE They're all the same. Myself and those two already checked. MIRANDA Hmm. And no one's met Findley? LAWRENCE No. No connections at all. MIRANDA There shouldn't be six. LAWRENCE I beg your pardon. MIRANDA There should only be five people on this train. LAWRENCE Uh, I I don't follow. MIRANDA There are five leaves on the seal which shouldn't be there. They don't appear on Findley's seal anywhere else. It must have something to do with the invitation, those invited, but it doesn't make sense. There are five leaves and six people. LAWRENCE I'm sure it's just a coincidence. MIRANDA I suppose it could be. GORDON Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Gordon, Lord Findley's valet. If you can please make your way to one of the cars, we are a bit behind schedule. PHILLIP Could you please tell us GORDON All will be explained in due time, Mr. Armstrong. Now, if you'll please make haste. Weather conditions have made the trip to the Island GORDON Precarious. DONALD It's all a bit precarious, ain't it? GORDON Right. Allow me to introduce Sean, the house butler, and Katherine, our maid. They'll be at your service for the duration of your stay. DONALD That's it? Findley couldn't afford more help? SEAN Lord Findley prefers a more intimate staffing arrangement, sir. DONALD Yeah, sure he does. PHILLIP Excuse me, where is Mr. Findley? KATHERINE Um, master SEAN Lord Findley's plane has grounded by fog. There's an approaching storm and he will joining us tomorrow. MIRANDA That doesn't leave us much time. CARMEN I took off almost a week of work to be here. DONALD Forget almost. I was on a story in Valdosta. You know how long it takes to get from Georgia, to New York, to here? Of course you don't. MIRANDA Well, five hours by rail to Atlanta and five hours by plane to New York. DONALD Yeah, okay. Alright. SEAN You will have the appropriate audience with Lord Findley, my dear. I can assure you of that. GORDON Well, if you'll allow me to show you to your quarters. Uh, Sean and Katherine will bring your belongings shortly. CARMEN Quarters. I've never stayed in quarters before. DONALD It's a room. SEAN Welcome, my dear. GORDON Lord Findley has instructed us to proceed with the weekend as planned. As such, there will be cocktails in the lounge, once you've settled in. Welcome to the east wing. If you'll follow me to your individual quarters. The east wing houses Lord Findley's guests. Mr. Walker. GORDON I think you'll find your accommodations GORDON Ms. Blanco, Ms. Wang, and Mr. Armstrong. I think you'll find your accommodations more than satisfactory. PHILLIP I think this will suffice. GORDON Follow me. MIRANDA Oh. GORDON Mr. Kane. Ms. Green. LAWRENCE Oh, uh, promise me you'll keep it down, dear. I'm a bit of a light sleeper. MIRANDA Only if you guarantee the same. LAWRENCE Hmm. GORDON Don't fret, Miss Green. Lord Findley knows his guests value their privacy, The rooms have been soundproofed. PHILLIP I still find it funny. DONALD Thank you. PHILLIP CARMEN I had not seen that film. PHILLIP No, well, I think... SEAN Ah, Miss Green, what a pleasure it is to have you join us. Would you care for a refreshment? LAWRENCE He makes a splendid Manhattan. SEAN Well, the master also has a stocked cellar from his private vineyard. MIRANDA That would be splendid. SEAN A vintage the master was particularly fond of. MIRANDA Was? SEAN Hmm? Oh, my apologies of course. No, the master simply had a change of taste. MIRANDA Well, it's certainly better than what I'm used to. DONALD Not much of a drinker, are you? MIRANDA I prefer to keep a clear head in unfamiliar surroundings. DONALD Eh, that's smart. I got this, thanks. CARMEN Oh, Mr. Walker! DONALD What? The old man won't miss it. Will he? SEAN Of course not, sir. MIRANDA A toast, shall we? Since we're all finally here together. LAWRENCE What a lovely idea. Come on, come on, come on. Gather around. You too, Walker, you can brood later. Up, up, up. CARMEN What shall we toast to? PHILLIP To our generous host? DONALD To the workers he used and discarded. CARMEN Oh. MIRANDA Why don't we toast to new friends? Whatever the reason and wherever the location, we're all here together. In this world, it's a small miracle. LAWRENCE Cheers. PHILLIP Cheers. LAWRENCE Cheers. CARMEN Oh. GORDON Terribly sorry. LAWRENCE Uh, bloody hell. CARMEN Uh. LAWRENCE Yeah, quite bit of a fight. MIRANDA Why don't we all get to know each other a little better? CARMEN Ooh. PHILLIP Ah. MIRANDA Shall we play a game? LAWRENCE A delightful idea. I assume we all know how to play Two Truths and a Lie. DONALD Nope. PHILLIP Oh, God. CARMEN Oh, stop it you two. This is going to be fun. LAWRENCE Hmm. CARMEN I shall go first. CARMEN I'm from Seville, Spain. PHILLIP Mmhmm. CARMEN I am a waitress at my father's restaurant. PHILLIP Hmm. MIRANDA Lie. CARMEN Huh? MIRANDA Your bag looked to be secondhand, and your coat, it was a child size, English in origin. But if your father owned a restaurant, it would stand to reason you would be able to afford at least one of the two, so... PHILLIP That's remarkable. Is that true? CARMEN Yes. I I never knew my father. MIRANDA Oh, Carmen, dear, I'm I'm so sorry. I di CARMEN Hey, it is alright. Good guess. DONALD Yeah, but it's not a guess, is it? LAWRENCE How did you do that? MIRANDA I just pay attention. I have a good memory I suppose. DONALD No, I have a a good memory, this is this is something else entirely. Now, this is getting good. You go, doc. MIRANDA I don't DONALD No. No, we're doin' this. Come on, kid, two truths one lie, go. PHILLIP Very well. Um, I graduated from Oxford, my father also graduated from MIRANDA Lie. You don't know your father either, do you? He's dead, isn't he? DONALD Come on, how? MIRANDA Well, his shoes weren't properly polished, and on the train, when he spoke of his family, he skipped from mother to uncle. So, it stands to reason. PHILLIP Stands to reason. MIRANDA My father passed, too, if it's any consolation. LAWRENCE It appears we have our first commonality. LU No, my father is alive and well in Guangzhou. MIRANDA Um, and you, Lawrence? LAWRENCE Buckinghamshire. MIRANDA Mr. Walker? DONALD I'll play next. MIRANDA No, I didn't DONALD One, I'm a reporter for The Daily Truth. Two, my mother's dead. Three, I've never killed a man before. Three's the lie. Game over. Asking wrong questions can get you hurt. GORDON I would suggest you not wander too far. The house is easy to get lost in. MIRANDA Oh, I have an excellent sense of direction, but thank you for your concern, Gordon. SEAN The master's dog Blunder passed some weeks back. MIRANDA Then why keep the water fresh? SEAN Well, the master was very fond of his dog and I should think he rather enjoyed the ritual of tending to him. Now, if you'll follow me, please. Dinner will be served shortly. MIRANDA Oh, I can make my own SEAN I must insist, Miss Green, hmm? This is not your house. CARMEN Oh, my! PHILLIP This must be the old man's study. CARMEN Adams. PHILLIP My name is Armstrong. CARMEN Do not correct me, Adams. I am your boss, Lewis Findley! PHILLIP Yes, sir. CARMEN I want you to buy me Seville. PHILLIP The whole city? CARMEN The whole city! PHILLIP Very well. Done and done. And what should we do with your new city, sir? CARMEN Burn it to the ground. It is a place where dreams go to die. PHILLIP Perhaps... there is something else to be done. Because I know of a girl who lives there, who is beautiful and kind. Maybe we can give her the city, so she can care for its people in the manner they deserve. CARMEN Hmm. PHILLIP Oh, my lord. CARMEN Mm. PHILLIP Look at that. CARMEN It's beautiful. PHILLIP It's uh, it's called a "katar." CARMEN Hmm. PHILLIP It's an ancient Tamil weapon. CARMEN Hmm. PHILLIP Stunning, isn't it? CARMEN Yes. PHILLIP Uh, right. PHILLIP After you, sir. CARMEN Alright, thank you. LAWRENCE The man shows up at his hearing with one shoe. Well, I I take one look at him and I realize that this is an opportunity to get the case thrown out. So, I tell the judge, "Take look at his feet." I I LAWRENCE You know, I literally hold the man's foot up LAWRENCE In front of the court and LAWRENCE Shoe up and p SEAN Come on, offer him water. KATHERINE Oh! KATHERINE Oh, my goodness, I'm terribly sorry, sir! LAWRENCE Oh, it's uh That's quite all right, dear. Now, um, where was I? MIRANDA Uh, Katherine was it? Would you care to tell us a bit about yourself? KATHERINE Um. MIRANDA Or your time working for Mr. Findley? DONALD Oh, thank Christ. KATHERINE Um... um.. MIRANDA Oh, well, they can share, too. SEAN What a wonderful idea. Please share, Katherine. DONALD Yeah, Katherine, share. I wanna know hear how he treats his people. Hopefully better than you treated this pork loin. KATHERINE Mister Lord Findley is kind to us. He treats us like family. Was it something I said? MIRANDA Was that you? Screaming? CARMEN No. What is going on? MIRANDA It's probably nothing. MIRANDA Stay in your room while I check it out. What are you doing here? LAWRENCE Same thing as you. Trying to figure out what's going on here. LAWRENCE Uh, Gordon. I was setting for an explanation for the power loss. GORDON Please, follow me. GORDON Ladies and gentlemen, there is no cause for alarm. PHILLIP Well, why did the power go out? GORDON It appears the main switch was flipped, but there is no reason for alarm. GORDON There is no one else on the island, I assure you. It was likely an animal. Regardless, I have fixed it, so there'll be no more trouble incidents tonight. Now, if you'll please retire to your rooms. Miss Green, if you please. MIRANDA Gordon, has there been any construction in this hallway recently? GORDON Not that I know of, why do you ask? MIRANDA When the power went out, I heard a woman scream. GORDON Well, your room is not far from Miss Blanco. I should think she had quite a start. MIRANDA You said the rooms were soundproof. GORDON I suppose her window was open. Now, there'll be no more questions. Would you please return to your quarters? MIRANDA I won't leave the hall, but I don't feel like going back in there yet. GORDON Very good, miss. PHILLIP PHILLIP You, too. MIRANDA Good morning. CARMEN Good morning. PHILLIP Ah. MIRANDA I was about to go for a walk, it's a lovely day out. CARMEN Oh. DONALD Oh, God, yeah. MIRANDA I was actually just about to go for a walk, if you'd care to join me. Or if you prefer to stay. DONALD Uh, yeah, I'm uh, not much of a breakfast guy. More of a coffee and cigarettes for me. Can we smoke in here? MIRANDA I'm not sure. Right. Well, shall we? DONALD Please. DONALD So, what's your deal? MIRANDA I'm a florist from London. DONALD No, that's what you do, or at least what you say you do. What's your deal? I've been watchin' you. You're smart. Not like that putz doctor, the real kind. MIRANDA I see the things other people miss. DONALD No, it's more than that. You put things together in a way I've never seen before. At least not from a civilian. MIRANDA And yet that's all I am. DONALD So why not put your detective skills to better use? MIRANDA It's just not a fitting profession for a lady. There's not a place at Scotland Yard for me. DONALD So, go private. You know, I knew a lady gumshoe in California. She couldn't have been more than 20 years old. Pretty little slip of a thing, too. She was the best I've ever seen. MIRANDA I should like to have your experiences, Mr. Walker. DONALD Trust me, you don't want those. MIRANDA Speaking of experiences, is it true you killed a man? DONALD You know, I thought you'd gotten to that sooner. Yeah, it's true. Look, I'm not proud of it. MIRANDA What happened? DONALD He was a uh... he was a hot shot boxing promoter out of Boston, and I was doin' a story on the Irish mob and their connections around the city. One night, I see him, he's with his wife, and he starts beatin' on her, somethin' fierce. Then he slipped, hit his head. Cost me a hell of a story, he would have killed her. MIRANDA I remember that story. DONALD Of course you do. MIRANDA You were let off, because none of the witnesses would come forward. DONALD Yeah, well, like I said, he slipped and hit his head, 10 or so times. MIRANDA I think you're not the terrifying brute you try to present. Still, I would like to avoid such situations. DONALD Listen, you gotta get down into the muck if you wanna find the truth. You can't have any fear or limits to what you'll do to find your answers. What I said to you yesterday, that that wasn't a threat. MIRANDA Then what was it? DONALD Call it uh, "professional courtesy." Guys like Findley, they they got secrets that they won't hesitate to protect. MIRANDA You don't care for our host, do you? DONALD I've never met the man. MIRANDA Ah, just when I thought you were starting to show me a little respect. You know, the comments, the rants, you have an issue with Lewis Findley that does not even require his presence. DONALD You caught me. MIRANDA Then why come? DONALD Same as you. I I've got questions. MIRANDA I think we may not find many answers. DONALD Maybe not... but guys like Findley, they don't do nothing without an angle. Hopefully, I can at least figure that out. MIRANDA I know it has to do with us, but... DONALD Yeah. Me neither. MIRANDA Hmm. DONALD You know, yesterday, I didn't mean to MIRANDA Look! DONALD What the hell? LU There is one extra rabbit. DONALD Jesus. And? Oh, no, you don't. No, you're not doin' that again. You can't dumb me up now. you know somethin', I wanna hear what it is. You're gonna tell me. Where are you going? Come on! Unbelievable. Alright, what the hell is this? MIRANDA I think it means that there's someone here who doesn't belong. DONALD Yeah, well, I got my guess. MIRANDA Oh, she doesn't know anything. At least I don't think she does. DONALD Explain that. MIRANDA Well, she could just as easily be one of the five. All this does is confirm that there's someone here who's not who they say they are. DONALD It's games on top of games, on top of games. MIRANDA And we're going to have to play them all. CARMEN How may I help you, Mr. Armstrong? PHILLIP I think you can call me "Phillip" at this point. CARMEN Oh, no, I'm just a poor waitress and you a successful doctor. I know my place, Mr. Armstrong. PHILLIP I'm hardly rich. CARMEN Hmm, you belong in this house more so than I do, no? Now, chip chop, what is it that you are bothering me for? I was just about to take a little nap before lunch. PHILLIP It's um, it's chop chop, not chip chop. CARMEN Ah, so you've come to insult my English. CARMEN Well, if that is all, I'd like to take my siesta now. PHILLIP Right. PHILLIP I think I'll have a walk. Yes, I'll have a walk. DONALD Alright, trust me. MIRANDA This is a little strange. DONALD If he shows up, I'll eat a bug. LAWRENCE Alright, what's going on here? Last night, you couldn't get enough to eat or drink, and now you're sharing secrets and barely eating, hmm? GORDON I'm afraid I have some bad news. Lord Findley is still grounded and weather conditions have not improved as expected. As a result, he will not be joining us today. DONALD Huh! LAWRENCE What the bloody hell are you doing? DONALD Whatever I want, Larry. Findley's not here to stop me, is he? LAWRENCE You're mad. He's mad. KATHERINE Something's happened. DONALD What's goin' on? PHILLIP Is that- MIRANDA It's Lawrence. DONALD Kane. Kane. KATHERINE Oh, my God. MIRANDA How? DONALD Well, gee, let me guess. He was stabbed. Kid, go and get the help. MIRANDA Why put the knife in the tree? CARMEN May be it was a message. LU Who could do such a thing? DONALD Someone very determined. MIRANDA And someone very strong. DONALD Miranda, where are you oh, hell. DONALD You gonna swim for it? You know, you don't strike me as the type of person to go sightseeing while the rest of us get hunted. MIRANDA This is a nightmare. The rabbits. DONALD I saw. MIRANDA What do we do? DONALD Use this, sweetheart. MIRANDA It's not enough, Donald. DONALD Yeah, well, the world's full of disappointments. Look, I've been around. One thing I've learned is you do what you gotta do with what you got. MIRANDA What if I can't? DONALD Well, then we probably all die. MIRANDA We should gather in the lounge. PHILLIP Is that really a good idea? MIRANDA Yes, and it wasn't a request. SEAN Follow. MIRANDA Let me try once more from the top. MIRANDA Phillip and Carmen were in the east wing hall, Lu was in her room, I was in the study, Donald was outside, and the staff is still all unaccounted for during the period where the late Mr. Kane was being brutally murdered. As such, I have concluded that we must treat everyone, myself included, as a suspect. PHILLIP Now, hold on a second. You MIRANDA No one has a valid alibi, it is the only logical starting point. CARMEN Phillip and I already said that we were together in the hall. MIRANDA Did anyone else verify this encounter? PHILLIP I'm sorry. Is our word no good? MIRANDA Given the fondness you two have for one another, it is equally as plausible you would cover for each other as it is that you were together in the east wing hall. DONALD Huh, she's got you there, kiddies. PHILLIP And what of you and the Yank? Don't think we haven't all witnessed your conspiring? MIRANDA Which is why Mr. Walker is atop my list of suspects. DONALD Wait, what? You ungrateful- MIRANDA You were the closest to the body. You are also the most physically able to overpower Lawrence. DONALD I barely knew the guy! MIRANDA Exactly. We barely know each other and you barely knew the deceased. We must try to figure out what connects us to understand who has a true motive. Right now, this is conjecture and baseless speculation. It would help if we knew anything about the late Mr. Kane as a start, anything at all. Sean? SEAN Ma'am. MIRANDA Can you go look at the body? Check his pockets. See if there's anything that might help us know him a little better. SEAN Yes, of course, ma'am. PHILLIP Wait, someone should go with him. GORDON I'll accompany Sean. SEAN Thank you, sir. PHILLIP Maybe someone not on the staff. LU I will go. SEAN Thank you, my dear. DONALD Well, alright! Now, sweetheart, this should be good. What's the baseless speculation about you? MIRANDA Ah, a delightful exercise. Well, I found the deceased boorish. And I was also the last person in the study, where the dagger resided on Findley's desk. Right now, we all have conceivable opportunity and equally likely motives, which is why we can't rule anyone out. Including you. GORDON Miss Green, I hardly think that's an appropriate accusation. CARMEN If we know little about each other, we know less about them. PHILLIP And it was one of us killed! MIRANDA We mustn't resort to tribal suspicions. I am merely asserting that anyone of us can be a suspect until we gather more information and begin ruling individuals out. LU The body is gone! MIRANDA What? LU Mr. Kane's body is missing. PHILLIP I think we all understood the first time, but just to reiterate, what? CARMEN Bodies do not just get up and walk away. PHILLIP No dear, they do not. And I know from experience. DONALD I need to see this for myself. Okay. What did you do? MIRANDA What's going on? Is the body there or not? DONALD No. CARMEN That's impossible. DONALD Not if she and the old man moved it. LU Why and how would I accomplish that, Mr. Walker? MIRANDA One mystery at a time. DONALD I still think they had something to do with it. MIRANDA We must watch our insinuations and accusations. DONALD Oh, now, we should watch our insinuations? I'd like to know where all of you were at the time Kane was killed, and it would be in your best interest to tell us now. GORDON Is that a threat, sir? DONALD I don't know, Jeeves, is it? MIRANDA Now, hold on, this is ridiculous. We must not to let our emotions get the best of us. May I make a suggestion? PHILLIP You haven't needed permission thus far. MIRANDA Why don't we all take to our rooms until dinner? It's 500 now, that's two and a half hours. That's plenty of time for tempers to subside and then we can start a conversation that's based on facts and provable truths. KATHERINE What about us? Who is supposed to prepare the meal? I don't feel safe in the kitchen alone. MIRANDA Why don't we take heed to travel in pairs or groups? CARMEN This is a good idea. PHILLIP Fine by me. MIRANDA Lock your doors! DONALD I need a drink. SEAN Refreshments can be brought up, sir. DONALD Yeah, I got it. Thanks. SEAN Of course. My dear, shall we? DONALD Well, that was a mistake. MIRANDA I don't remember you asking for my loyalty, and more importantly, I don't remember giving you mine. DONALD Yeah, well, now you got no one to watch your back, sweetheart. CARMEN When the others lock their doors, please come to my room. I don't wanna be alone. PHILLIP Of course, but we must be careful until we get off this island. Come on. CARMEN I'm so scared. PHILLIP Findley will be here in the morning and we'll get to the bottom of all this. There's nothing to fear. CARMEN And what of us? PHILLIP We can leave and be together. You can visit me in London. CARMEN London is dreary. PHILLIP Then I shall come to Seville. CARMEN I hate Seville. PHILLIP Then we can go anywhere in the world that you desire, and if you can't pick one place, we'll go everywhere. It doesn't matter as long as we're together. CARMEN What a beautiful dream. PHILLIP Then let's make it real. CARMEN Sometimes I forget how young you are, how simple your life has been. PHILLIP What does that mean? CARMEN Nothing, darling. Tell me more about your beautiful dream. GORDON What's wrong? It will all be over soon. Everything is going as anticipated. KATHERINE Hmm. SEAN What? What? No. No! No! No! No! MIRANDA Where's Sean? PHILLIP Probably puttering about somewhere. GORDON No, he's supposed to be here. CARMEN PHILLIP This man is dead. GORDON Take the body to the lounge. MIRANDA Every contact leaves a trace. Oh, that's odd. PHILLIP What? GORDON To whom does this belong? Miss Wang, please follow me. LU Where are we going? GORDON You'll be spending the rest of the night locked in your room, and in the morning you'll be turned over to the proper authorities. LU I did not kill this man! GORDON Miss Wang, don't make this any harder than it needs to be! LU This is outrageous! Why would I kill this man? How would I kill him? CARMEN Sean was an old man. MIRANDA The killer did incapacitate him by knocking him with the door. It's not outside the realm of possibility. GORDON That's it, come along. MIRANDA No, wait! I'll be back in less than an hour. Do not lock this woman up yet or I'll have you arrested for false imprisonment. Thought so. CARMEN Wait! Where are you going? PHILLIP She's deranged. DONALD Nothing new on that front. CARMEN I don't understand how this is happening. PHILLIP I know, my dear. It's all very shocking. CARMEN How can they just be dead? It's only been one day. One day and two men are just... dead. DONALD Dying ain't hard, sweetheart. Everybody does it. MIRANDA Meet Blunder. PHILLIP Findley's dog. Findley's dead dog. MIRANDA Not quite. GORDON Miss Green, what is the meaning of all this and what does it have to do with the dog? MIRANDA I think we can drop that now. Everyone, meet Lewis Findley. PHILLIP What? How? MIRANDA Show, don't tell, Mr. Armstrong. See? Now, Gordon, be a dear and open your coat. It wouldn't be proper for a textile man to dress beneath his station. DONALD Says who? MIRANDA Lewis Findley, before he went underground in 1897. DONALD So, that's it? That's your big reveal? A coat? MIRANDA No, that's just a taste. MIRANDA Watch your step, careful now. DONALD Alright, you got us all packed in here. Now, what? MIRANDA Right, well, in the hour or so before dinner DONALD You mean when we were supposed to be cloistered. MIRANDA Oh, where's the fun in that, Mr. Walker? I took the liberty of taking a tour of the house without a guide. It really is an expansive property, full of nooks and crannies. Plenty of places to hide secrets. And that's when I came upon this room. Now, I don't know if you've noticed, but there are no photographs or portraits in the house. Lewis Findley was apparently a recluse of the highest order, who abhorred having his likeness taken in any way. I'm sure that's what sparked your interest, right, Mr. Walker? DONALD Um, yeah. Yeah, 'cause the old man, he was always using an interme intermediary. You. I knew I knew you from somewhere. This guy you were his stand in at the meeting with Carnegie in New York, weren't you? GORDON Which time? Mr. Carnegie was very fond of his little events. There was always a banquet or a dedication that we mustn't miss. MIRANDA This is getting a bit off topic, There'll be time enough for that later. At the moment, we must continue with the task at hand. His perceived aversion to photos was not entirely accurate. DONALD Wow, the old man really liked the mutt. MIRANDA Which is why he hid Blunder in a small, though surprisingly comfortable shack on the northernmost point of the island. I saw it on my way to the cliffs. Poor Blunder, he just couldn't uphold the ruse. And that leads to my last surprise. If you'll all follow me to the lounge. GORDON This behavior seems a bit ghoulish given the circumstances. LU I rather like it. DONALD Gettin' a little sick of your games, old man. MIRANDA Alright, all settled? DONALD This better be good, sweetheart. CARMEN Miranda, please, there have been two murders. We are very afraid. MIRANDA No, you're right. I have been a bit glib. The truth is a man has died, and it's a somber occasion, traumatic even. But you are wrong on one count. You may come in. LAWRENCE Hello all. Uh, terribly sorry about the morbid theatrics. DONALD I'm gonna kill you, you no good son PHILLIP Oh. GORDON No, no, no, no, no, no, no! DONALD Let go! PHILLIP Mr. Walker. GORDON No, no! DONALD What a big, twisted damn you PHILLIP Calm down! Calm down. DONALD I got it, I'm fine. I'm fine. Alright, let go. Alright. But you're gonna answer some questions if you wanna get off this island alive. LAWRENCE That is uh, more than fair, all being all things considered, but if you'll allow me to explain, you may find that I am not completely deserving of execution. LAWRENCE Would anyone else care for one before we begin? DONALD Yeah, I'll have one. LAWRENCE Right, on with the show. Many months ago I was approached by Lord Findley here with a rather strange proposition and an even stranger scheme. Mr. Findley valued his privacy above nearly all else, that much is true. He never took a family, but that is not to suggest he didn't seek intimate companionship in his day. In point of fact, Mr. Findley was a bit of a lothario, and believed himself to have sired a number of children, all of whom could serve as his heirs when the time came. And the hour was approaching fast. Lord Findley was unwilling, however, to turn his immense fortune over to a complete stranger, much less so to, as he put it, an undeserving lout. The man really seemed most invested in what would happen to his holdings and his business. He made it very clear, "One heir". To the rest, well... phew. So, off I went. Five children deemed most fit to inherit the immense fortune. Five invitations. But that was only the beginning, for how was Findley to choose? Give the old man credit for creativity. He hired a pair of actors, that he used from time to time as surrogates, to play his staff alongside himself, as he would adopt the role of the venerable butler Sean. But how to provoke a person to reveal their true nature in but a short weekend, which Findley insisted was all he needed to choose an heir? I suppose a murder was as good a way as any. The rest, the lights, and such, were all meant to invoke tension and unease. LU And the rabbits? LAWRENCE Rabbits? MIRANDA In the woods, there's a small shack with five live rabbits, one dead. It looked to represent us. LAWRENCE Uh, I believe they were just meant as fresh meat for the dog. Sorry, it isn't a saucier reason, my dear. My employer was eccentric, not insane. DONALD Yeah, I don't see the difference. LAWRENCE He wanted to test you. This, however, wasn't part of the plan. Old Findley had fully intended to reveal his selection tomorrow. I'm sorry, I truly am. LAWRENCE Where are Gordon and Katherine? PHILLIP Who cares? They can't leave. LAWRENCE About that. KATHERINE Hurry, dear! GORDON I'm trying! KATHERINE We must launch! KATHERINE Let him up, we'll come quietly. Oh, do something! He's going to kill him! MIRANDA Donald! DONALD Where did you think you were going, huh? MIRANDA Donald, let him up right now or I'll make sure you spend the rest of your life in jail! MIRANDA Why run? GORDON Look, miss, it was a gig, and a bloody good one at that, huh? Findley was a bit of an odd fellow, bit cold as well, but he took care of us, paid us well. We're not exactly West End regulars. Acting gigs in London, not exactly stable work, and we're not exactly spring chickens. KATHERINE This is where we thought we would end up, playing his staff, being his emissaries. But it's been so hard. We've been married for 15 years and what did we have to show for it? No children, nary a leading role between us, but these past few years, working for Mr. Findley allowed us to buy a house and start PHILLIP You're not answering the question. DONALD Yeah, because they don't have an answer to the question, 'cause they killed the old man. Trust me, I've seen plenty of guilty people, and these two are guilty as sin. KATHERINE We didn't kill him! GORDON Look, let me explain. This gig was different. Findley was very clear that we should make no mistakes. He needed us to get the absolute most out of each of you. GORDON We needed to poke, and prod, and instigate as much as possible without givin' up the game. And he was always there. It was a lot of pressure. And then when the old man turned up dead... MIRANDA You panicked. KATHERINE How were we going to keep the house without... Oh, I'm sorry. You found and lost a father today. It hardly compares. LU My father is Shen Wang, and he is alive and well in China. Lewis Findley may have known my mother, but he was not my father. Nor was he a father to any of us. Not a real father, anyway. CARMEN Thank you. DONALD Yeah, I don't buy it. So so, let me get this straight. The old man croaks, and the two of you decide to take off in the boat, leave us stuck here on the island and all, 'cause you got panicked, huh? I don't buy it. Not one bit. I haven't forgot about you either, missy. You've been skulkin' around the house since you got here like you got somethin' to hide. And all of a sudden, out of the blue, your scarf turns up wrapped around a dead guy's neck! LU This is outlandish! Miss Green, talk some sense into him. MIRANDA It is hard to understand why you would come all the way from China on little more than an invitation. DONALD There you go. Thank you. You're not off the hook either, sweetheart. You're always walkin' around, readin' your little mystery books. Dreamin' of becomin' a real detective one day. Then your dreams come true and you get to solve a real murder. Maybe you thought the only thing better than solvin' one murder is solvin' two, huh? Maybe that meant enough for you to kill the old man yourself. MIRANDA Alright, this is a reasonable enough theory. But there is more connecting you to the murder. DONALD Like what? MIRANDA You despise the trappings of wealth, and we've already seen the ferocity of your rage. DONALD Oh, there it is. Soon as chips are down, you come after me every time. CARMEN This is getting ridiculous. We know that someone killed Mr. Findley the impostors are suspects, as well as Mr. Walker, Miss Green, and Miss Wang, but we are talking in circles. LAWRENCE I'd say that list is a bit short, don't you? CARMEN What are you implying, Mr. Kane? I could never harm anyone. Phillip, tell them. PHILLIP It's unlikely. But you would do anything to avoid returning to Seville. CARMEN And what of you? Are you not above suspicion? PHILLIP That's outrageous! I am a doctor. My job is to help and heal. CARMEN As though no doctor has ever committed nefarious deeds. What of your Jack the Ripper? Are there no theories that he is a doctor? PHILLIP One baseless theory implicates all doctors. Brilliant. Well done. MIRANDA What about H. H. Holmes? DONALD And Hawley Crippen. LAWRENCE Burke and Hare sold bodies to medical schools. Bodies that they stole and murdered. PHILLIP Morality lessons from a lawyer, and a lawyer that took part in this charade no less. That's very rich coming from you, old boy. LAWRENCE I suppose this was inevitable. But since we're all passing the blame around tonight, humor me, why would I kill my employer, hmm? DONALD Maybe because you're the only one with access to the will. LAWRENCE What? MIRANDA If you could add one of us, you could just as easily add yourself. You wouldn't even have to take the whole fortune. You could just carve off a little piece of the estate for yourself. LAWRENCE Well, considering I currently don't have access to the will, I'd say that's a faulty theory. PHILLIP How dare you? You are the lawyer! MIRANDA Enough! MIRANDA This isn't getting us anywhere. We need to rest. We'll call the police. They will handle this in the morning. PHILLIP Good idea. MIRANDA What? GORDON I need you to come with me. MIRANDA I think that would be a bit daft given the circumstances. Wouldn't you agree, whatever your name is? GORDON Still Gordon. That much is true. GORDON And if I wanted you dead, I could force my way in. GORDON I need to show you something. MIRANDA And why would I want to see it? GORDON Because I think you can find the killer. You know you had me worried when we first met. Yeah, you seemed very skilled at detecting a lie. But I suppose we all have our parts to play. And there's only one thing left to do at this point. CARMEN Where is Miranda? PHILLIP Where's Gordon? KATHERINE He left in the night. He said he had to take care of something in the study. LAWRENCE Oh, no. MIRANDA Uh, friends! Or should I say brothers and sisters? KATHERINE Where's my husband? MIRANDA He's preparing the boat for our departure. He took it a few hours ago to fetch Detective Church here. DETECTIVE CHURCH Detective Harold Church, Dartmouth constabulary. Pleasure. MIRANDA We have much to discuss. There's a murderer in our midst. LAWRENCE Aren't you being a little cavalier? DETECTIVE CHURCH No reason for alarm, sir. MIRANDA Alright then, shall we? CARMEN It is me. PHILLIP I can't be older than 14 here. LU He was watching us all this time. MIRANDA That's just the tip of the iceberg, I'm afraid. Gordon and Katherine weren't lying when they said they were keeping an eye on us. So, what in the hell am I lookin' at? MIRANDA Cameras, and expensive ones at that. Completely state-of-the-art, in every room, with this nifty little feature that logs footage and replays it. PHILLIP Impossible. GORDON Findley had connections with both the American and British military, very high up. One day the whole apparatus just showed up with some very serious-looking men in uniform. He showed me how to operate it, but he never said where he obtained such technology. MIRANDA I first suspected something was off when I could hear Carmen scream through the walls. Even if the claims of soundproofing were a lie meant to scare, a house as sturdy as this should dampen the sound a bit better, but Findley had a whole network of hallways behind these walls. CARMEN So, you saw the killer? DONALD This is ridiculous. I'm leavin'. DETECTIVE CHURCH I'm afraid I can't let you do that, my good man. I'm sure you understand. MIRANDA The surveillance rooms yielded a treasure trove of information, but I'm sure you'd all like some context. You know, working with roses, one becomes desensitized to such wounds, which I'm sure is something that you have experienced, Mr. Kane. LAWRENCE Hazards of the job. And, Findley insisted on rehearsing multiple scenarios before choosing exactly how I was to be murdered. Your father's hands weren't terribly steady. CARMEN How could he treat his friends so poorly? PHILLIP Men that rich don't mix with staff. LAWRENCE I should take offense, but spot on, old boy. MIRANDA As I'm sure you know our father was quite the traveler, and he made sure to document his adventures, even his dalliances. Liu Chan. LU My mother. MIRANDA Esme Blanco. CARMEN And mine. PHILLIP Please don't. MIRANDA Naturally, my mother was here. But one name was missing. No Walkers, no Americans, nothing of the sort. But there was one name that appears again and again. Shelby. She was the first, a maid who worked on the estate, and apparently she left quite an impact on Findley. The first few pages are documented meticulously, and with a romantic fervor that Findley seemed unable to access for anything else in his life. Shelby and her child. For you see, the maid had a child, a boy. Detective, will you check his breast pocket? DETECTIVE CHURCH Steady now, big fellow. MIRANDA Yes. Shelby Walker and Lewis Findley. DETECTIVE CHURCH I'm afraid this doesn't prove much. MIRANDA Just wait. DONALD He said he'd marry her. Over and over, and over. So, she waited, and waited for him to tell his parents. She was young, she had time. But then she got pregnant, and that changed everything. So, he had no choice but to fire her. And she got she got nothing, because payouts raise questions. So, she had she had nowhere to go. Her own family wouldn't let her in, because she was unmarried and carrying a... a bastard son. So, she moved to the states. She had me on the boat. She always clogged in this hope that that one-day Findley would come for her. We would live in the lap of luxury. But she refused to find any permanent work, because she was sure that any day now, her prince would come. She'd say, "Daddy will come save us." Daddy. Then she got sick. So sick that she swallowed her pride and she she wrote Findley a letter, begging for help. Not a word. And she made sure that I knew the truth about Findley before she died. And when her day came, that was there that I vowed I would come after Findley and everyone like him for the rest of life. DONALD See, the rich and powerful, they know that information can do more harm than any any knife or pistol. So, I became a hunter of secrets. I would find their sins and I would drag 'em out into the cold light of day for everyone to see. MIRANDA He watched your every move. DONALD Those those are my stories. MIRANDA It's all in the journal. He was terribly proud of you. He didn't care much for your politics, but your drive, your relentlessness. You were everything he wanted in an heir, 'cause you were just like him. DONALD I was nothing like him! I mean look around. He just left us all to struggle and survive, while he watched us from his gilded towers. And at any point, he could have eased our suffering, but no. He's let us twist in the wind. And then when that time came in his life to do the right thing and let us in... more games. So, I did the one thing that that man, that that coward didn't have the decency to do. I stopped the game. LU By killing him? DONALD By doing what was necessary. LU By framing me. By blaming Gordon, then Miranda, and when that didn't work, making sure we blamed one another, so that you could slip away. You are the real coward! DONALD Well... I guess I got a bit of the old man in me after all. DONALD But y'all should be thanking me. I set you free. That money is cursed. For four of us, there is the utter degradation of being told to our face by Findley that we're just not good enough. And then for the one lucky winner, it's a worse fate to be locked in a cage and turned into a cheap facsimile of him. MIRANDA That's not exactly true. This was never a game of choosing. This was due diligence. It was always going to be you, Donald. This test was just a test to vet you. We were never serious options. LAWRENCE And now, it will be no one. PHILLIP The inheritance should be divided equally amongst his children. Is that not the law? LAWRENCE Possibly, but the will was very specific that should an heir not be chosen, all assets would be turned over to Findley Industries and a successor be appointed by the board. If an heir were chosen, however, all would be well taken care of. Though you'd be forced to relinquish your names and sworn to secrecy under threat of losing your buyouts. DONALD Games on top of games. MIRANDA Take him away, detective. LAWRENCE I'm terribly sorry. Had I known the depths of his sadism, I never would have partook. MIRANDA He would have found someone else. Our father does not define our worth, nor does our station. We are the masters of our own fate. PHILLIP We don't need him. CARMEN Or his money. LU Because we have each other. MIRANDA What's going to happen to him? DETECTIVE CHURCH It should be an open and shut case. He'll spend the rest of his life in a cell. MIRANDA What a waste. DONALD Oh, you're too kind. And that's why you'll never be a detective, sweetheart. MIRANDA That compassion is why I caught you, and is why I'll catch more like you. And don't call me "sweetheart." DONALD Be seein' you, sis. DETECTIVE CHURCH Miss, wait. You've got a gift for this. If you ever need a hand getting started, I have mates at Scotland Yard. MIRANDA Oh, thank you, but I think my services are better utilized on my own. DETECTIVE CHURCH Oh, like a private detective? Uh, the money MIRANDA Oh, I've never had much use for money, but I would like to be of service to people who truly need it. Still, I'll take this. Even a good detective needs help from time to time. DETECTIVE CHURCH Right you are, miss. And I'll make sure the world knows that the woman who found Lewis Findley's killer is open for business. MIRANDA Thank you, sir. PHILLIP I was thinking about us. CARMEN As was I. PHILLIP Just because we can't be together, Doesn't mean we can't be in each other's lives. CARMEN I've never had a little brother before. PHILLIP I'm not that young. CARMEN Darling, it's a joke. MIRANDA I suppose he abandoned you, too. Well, why don't you join our collection of lost things? We need to look out for each other.