ALL_STAFF ANA BECKY BOBBY DOM ELIZA GARY GIO KAITLYN MATT MERCENARY MICK MIMI OFFICER_JAMES PATRON_HUSBAND PATRON_WIFE RAY RICKY ROCCO RONA SABASTIAN SAUCIER SEBASTIAN THE_TWINS TOM VINNIE WAITER WOMANS_VOICE ANA Come on, let’s go. Marie? SABASTIAN The 6:30s are here. The serving staff is on the floor. It’s time. Perhaps you should say something. ANA Ordering, one Hamachi crudo, two salad niçoise, one striped bass – merde! Sabastian, we 86’d the bass an hour ago, why is table 42 expecting something we can’t deliver? SABASTIAN There was a miscommunication. ANA Miscommunication. I speak four languages and you are talking to me about miscommunication? SABASTIAN Calm down. Your face will scare the customers. ANA My kitchen. My face. My rules. And what’s my rule number one? SABASTIAN Do not fuck with your kitchen. ANA Voila. Service! ELIZA Welcome to Etoile Rouge. Right this way. RAY Bon appetit. ANA Alright, how much longer til I have my veggies done? Come on guys, I need them faster, come on. ELIZA Chef Ana? ANA Yes? ELIZA The patrons could really use some facetime. ANA I don’t have the time. ELIZA They paid for a meal, but they also paid to be schmoozed. ANA Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait. Show it to me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Look, the beurre blanc is separated. SAUCIER Oui, Chef. ANA It might taste the same, but I know and you really should know, it’s not right. SAUCIER Oui, Chef. ANA Let me show you. Ok. And at quickly, but no rush. SAUCIER Yes. ANA Like this. SAUCIER I see. ANA Yeah? SAUCIER Yes. ANA Try. Faster. As fast as you can. SAUCIER Sorry. ANA Don’t apologize, just practice. Good. Good. Good. Practice until you can do it in your sleep. RAY Good evening, chef. ANA Good evening, husband. ELIZA I told him not to. SABASTIAN You must be lost Ray, the bar is in front. RAY Aren’t you funny – you must be the first Frenchman in history not to back down from a fight. ANA Ok, that’s enough. Back to work. Et toi, ma chérie. You’re fired. RAY You can’t fire the owner. ANA Half owner and this half is mine so out! RAY I come bearing gifts. ANA No. Put it in the freezer. RAY That’s your answer for everything. I think you better take a look at this. RAY It’s nice isn’t it? ANA H-how did you do this? RAY You have your talents, I have mine. You better be ready to get real busy. SEBASTIAN Well done, Ray. RAY Ah, thanks, Frenchman, coming from you, that’s a compliment. Come on, you’ve got to go show your face to the hungry people. ANA Oh, no, no, no, no, darling, I’m busy, look, I’m preparing food. RAY Hey, I’ve been bragging about you all night out there, if you don’t come with me and show your face, they’re going to think I’m a loser. Come on. ANA You know I prefer the kitchen, not – RAY I know, the spotlight, but you got to meet the hungry people. RAY And so this Parisian chef says, if you don’t come back with fifty pounds of salmon, you’re going to have a hundred pounds of pissed off Russian. So I said, tell me more. And that’s how I met my wife. There you have it – set up on a blind date by a dead fish. Enjoy. WAITER Now let’s get this back door open or we’re going to blow up this building. SEBASTIAN Open the back door. Out of the way. Idiots. ANA What’s going on? What’s happening here, guys? What’s happening?! SEBASTIAN Back to work, all of you. Back to your place and clean it all up. ELIZA Chef? ANA Yes? ELIZA Ah, phone for you. ANA Sebastian, come on, try not to burn the kitchen down, it’s the first day. Hello. Hello? WOMANS VOICE Congratulations, Anya. ANA Chto? WOMANS VOICE SEBASTIAN Everything alright? ANA Huh? Yes, yes, everything’s fine. As long uh the restaurant doesn’t burn, we’re good. Let’s get back to work, come on. SEBASTIAN Move these shelves. Back to work, all of you. ELIZA I am so sorry, Ma’am, we are all booked for tonight. RAY I’m telling you Paris was insane. We’d walk out of the clubs, we’d all be drunk and stumbling around. I mean it was one party after another. PATRON WIFE Richard, it’s getting late. PATRON HUSBAND Well, thanks for the drink, Ray. RAY Ah, pleasure. PATRON HUSBAND Nice to meet you. RAY Ah, look after yourself. ELIZA We have reached our turnover early, can I start taking walk-ins? RAY No. No walk-ins. I’d rather be in the red than take walk-ins. Fully booked. That’s what we show the world tonight. ELIZA Ok, I’ll turn away those two top. RAY Ah, ah, ah, ah. Guests. Not a two top. Not a four top. We’re not in Applebee’s – in the big leagues now. ELIZA My fault. Guests. Right. RAY I’ll take care of these two. Why don’t you get drinks for that two top you just seated? MICK Ray, you handsome devil. I mean this place is – wow. RAY Thanks, Mickey. What’s up, fellas? MICK We’re starving. RAY Just have your mama cook for you. GARY That’s fucked up. MICK Hey, you know, my mother’s dead, God rest her soul. RAY What do you want? MICK Dom wants to talk. RAY Tell him I’ll call him in the morning. MICK That’s not going to work. RAY Come on, Bozo, look around. We’re busy, it’s a bad time. MICK He wants to talk now. RAY Just tell him I’ll call him in the morning. MICK Yeah, he’s not going to do that. RAY Come on, we’re friends, I’ll talk to him. It’ll all work out. MICK It’s tonight, Ray. RAY Mickey, come on, man, it’s opening night. MICK It’s opening night. I don’t give a shit if it’s opening night. Listen to me, it’s tonight. Dom told me tonight. I told you. It’s tonight. RAY And you always do what Daddy tells you to do, don’t ya. MICK I’m next in line, Ray, show a little respect. RAY Respect is earned. RAY I’ll talk to him in the morning. We’ll work it out. Don’t worry. MICK Tonight, Ray. MICK Let’s get out of here. ANA Terminé. ALL STAFF Speech, speech, speech, speech, speech, speech. ANA Ok, haha. Thank you. Uh, this place is what I’ve always wanted. Um, and it’s thanks to you that I stand here, the proud owner of Etoile Rouge. SEBASTIAN Half owner. ANA This is a special night! And uh hopefully, just the beginning. And uh yeah, thank you, guys. Thank you for not fucking it up. So let’s celebrate. SEBASTIAN That is all, ladies and gentlemen. The kitchen is now closed. Let’s drink. ANA GARY Hey, Boss, are we going to do this, or what? MICK I left my Dad a message. We’re not doing nothing til he gets back to me. GARY He did say it was tonight. MICK Yeah. I know what he said. He said it to me, Genius, I told you that. GARY I’m just saying. MATT So, we’re just going to wait here? MICK Did I fucking studder? Huh? He’s getting a massage and when he’s getting a massage, he don’t like to be bothered. It ruins the mood. MATT I never got a massage before. You gotta do those things naked? GARY Why the fuck would you go naked? MATT I heard you got to do it naked. MICK Just shut up. Everybody shut up. And get off the fucking car, I just had it washed. GARY That Ray, some balls on that guy, huh? MICK Yeah. Not for long. GARY Yeah, I’d like to see that. MICK Oh, you’re going to see something, Lollipop. GARY Ok, we’ll see, yeah, Lollipop. ELIZA Cheers. ANA It’s disgusting. ELIZA How does it feel? ANA What do you mean? ELIZA To have your own place. ANA Yeah, it feels good. A little stressful. ELIZA Ay, I know. SEBASTIAN You did it Ana. I know you can’t tell right now, but you did it. This is the start of something. ANA Sebastian. Ah. No. ELIZA So, did you always want to be a chef? ANA No. Not always, no. ELIZA Well, you’re really good at it. ANA Thank you. You know, it’s not just me, Ray has done so much for me. ELIZA Hmm. ANA And I’m sure he’s somewhere here, supporting me, right? RAY Whoa! That’s some pretty good stuff, Ricky. Alright, I got a second wind, let’s go! GIO I think we gotta get home, it’s getting late. RAY Ah, come on, we just got started, man. RICKY Ah, well, I’m out of money. RAY Here. Problem solved. GIO Sorry, Ray, we gotta get going. ANA Party’s over. Give them their tips back and go home. RAY There ya go, guys. Leave me enough for cab fare, will ya? ANA And I mean you too, huh? RAY Want to play a game, just you and me? ANA Nah, you know I gotta work. I need to prepare the demi glace for tomorrow. RAY You never stop. Alright, I’ll see you when I see ya. ANA Hum umm. . RAY Don’t be all night. ELIZA Good night. RAY I’ll walk you out. ANA Eliza, how did we do? ELIZA Everything was great. Cash till looks promising. ANA Great. Thank you. ELIZA You’re staying? RAY Oh, she’s going to smoke and pace and pace and smoke. She gets all jacked up on the adrenalin. ANA Hum umm. Well, at least that’s all I’m jacked up on. ELIZA Ooh. Good night. ELIZA My feet are killing me. RAY What you ladies put up with is crazy. MICK Look who it is. RAY Shit. ELIZA Aren’t those the two guys from the restaurant? MICK Legend. Who’s the hooker? RAY Isn’t it past your bedtime, Mickey? MICK Now why you got to be crazy like that? I let you have your big night out, now come on. I’ve had it up to here with you. RAY Come on. Go home. This is between me and Dom. I’ll work something out. MICK Well, he sent me to handle it. So, I’m handling it. ELIZA Ray! MICK Freaks come out at night, baby. RAY Alright, enough of this ‘take your child to work day’ bullshit. MICK You know I think all this Viagra has caused you some serious hearing loss. It’s tonight, Lollipop. RAY Yeah, alright, Mickey, whatever you say. ELIZA What are they talking about? RAY Nothing, they’re talking about nothing. It’s just talk. GARY Oops. MICK Thanks. Ha. She’ll be fine. Let’s go, Ray. I’m not fucking around, Ray. Ray? Let’s go. GARY It’s heavy. MATT Yeah, I know it’s heavy. GARY Put your back into it. MATT Heehee. I am using my back. The lights are still on. GARY Yeah, and? MATT Smells good in here. GARY It’s about to smell a whole lot worse. RAY You got Ray, leave a message. MATT Yo, Meatball. This pot’s hot. GARY So what? MATT Place is supposed to be empty. GARY Shut the fuck up. We got a job to do. GARY Hand me your lighter. MATT What? GARY Give me your lighter! MATT I don’t got one. GARY How the fuck do you smoke and you don’t have a lighter? MATT I quit. Fuck, we’re in a kitchen, there’s got to be one around here. GARY You got to be fucking kidding me. MATT What? MICK Wifey? She’s calling you, Ray. RAY Let me talk to her. MICK You think I’m an idiot? RAY Yes. ANA Ray? MICK Lady, you got bad taste in men. ANA Who is this? MICK Who is this? That don’t matter who is this. ANA Where’s Ray? MICK Handsome Ray is right here with me. ANA Put him on. MICK You don’t like talking to me, Lollipop? ANA Put my husband on the phone. MICK Or what?! ANA I’m not a person you want to fuck with. MICK Then you’re not going to like what we did to your restaurant. ANA What did you do to my restaurant? MICK It’s in flames – big, bright, orange, gorgeous flames. ANA Oh, is it? MICK Listen to me, you better get out of there right now before we torch the place or your opening night is going to be your last night. ANA I doubt it. MICK She hung up on me, Ray! MICK Shit. RAY Ana! ANA Honey. RAY God, you’re ok. Is that a gun? ANA Oh, just for emergencies. Don’t worry. RAY What? Where did you get a gun? ANA I had it. RAY Is that blood? ANA Yeah, but. RAY Wha…what the fuck is going on? ANA Stay calm. RAY Whose blood is that? ANA Calm. Calm down – no, no, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t open the door, Ray. Don’t. RAY Oh, fuck. Fuck. Dom is going to kill me. ANA Who? Who’s Dom? RAY A bad man. ANA Why’s he going to kill ya? Ray! RAY Sorry, I didn’t know. ANA You didn’t know what? RAY I thought there would be more time, I didn’t know it was going to be tonight. ANA Ray, what did you do? RAY I fucked up. I owe a lot of money and I thought I could pay it back, you know, when the restaurant got successful. ANA How much do you owe? RAY A lot. ANA How much, Ray? RAY One point two. ANA Million? RAY One point three, if you round. DOM God, alright, get a little deeper there, yeah. Ah, shit, not that deep. Oh, god damn, Gary. Oh, who the fuck? Get that, will you, Gar? GARY Sir. DOM What? MICK Sorry to bother you, Pops, I know it ruins the mood. DOM Get to the point. MICK Well, we got a little situation going on. DOM And you can’t handle it? MICK I can I just wanted to you know, make you awares, check in. DOM This wasn’t supposed to be difficult, Mick, that’s why I sent you to take care of it. MICK I am taking care of it. DOM Oh, now Gary, not that deep. Son of a bitch. If you were taking care of it, we wouldn’t be talking right now. MICK Look, Dad, can you just send me a couple more guys? DOM What happened to the guys that you had? Gio and the pip-squeak, what’s his name? MICK You know that jerk, Ray, he really fucked us on this one, Dad. DOM What? God damn! GARY Oh. Sorry. Ok. DOM Put him on. MICK Can’t do that. DOM Why not? MICK Cause he’s inside, hold up with that Russian lady and I got to tell ya, I don’t like her one bit. DOM I’m on my way. MICK No, no, no, just, just, just send the guys. DOM Jesus, man, let this be a lesson to ya, Gary, if you want something done right, don’t ask your jerkoff son to do it for ya. MICK I’m still on the line, Dad. DOM Hang the fuck up, Idiot. ANA Ray, what did you do? RAY They want to burn down the restaurant for the insurance money. ANA And you’re ok with that? RAY No, fuck no, I’m not ok – I don’t have a choice. ANA Please tell me it wasn’t your idea. RAY No, it wasn’t…maybe, maybe a little. But Ana, I really believed that we could make this place work. It would have been great. ANA Would have been? You’re giving up already? That’s it? RAY Sweetheart, we don’t have a choice. ANA No, you don’t have a choice. You’re so fucking irresponsible. RAY I’m sorry. ANA Not sorry enough. RAY What if – ANA Shut up! No wonder you’ve been divorced twice – now I get it. RAY That’s a little below the belt, don’t you think? RAY I fucked up, but I love you. I truly love you. And if I could go back and change all of this, I would do it in a nanosecond. ANA Well, you can’t. And you lied to me. RAY What about you? What about, what about this? What, what about them? Did you kill them? ANA You really want to know? RAY Ana, talk to me. ANA I uh. I used to work for the KGB. RAY Like Russian KGB? ANA Yes. RAY You’re a spy. ANA I’m a chef. RAY Wait, wait. I mean that’s not something you just walk away from. How did you get out? ANA I managed. I disappeared until you fucking put me on the map with that stupid announcement. RAY How I was supposed to know that you were fucking kgb? ANA No, ex-kgb! RAY Alright, so what now? Is the kgb going to come after you? ANA No. Maybe. RAY Hmp. So, I guess we’re both full of shit. ANA No, except I lied to protect you. RAY No, you lied to protect you. ANA What the fuck do you know? MICK Don’t be mad, don’t be mad, don’t be mad. I can fix this. DOM Why am I here then when I should be getting a fucking massage? MICK I got a plan. DOM You got a plan? The only plan you got is I got a plan. MICK A Russian problem calls for a Russian solution, right? DOM You had your chance, Mickey. Leo. Tommy. Billy, let’s go! ANA I did what I had to. I had no choice! RAY Welcome to the fucking club! ANA That’s not the same thing! RAY It is exactly the same fucking thing! ANA I tried so hard to get rid of one thing in my life and here you are fucking it up like you fucked up everything else! RAY I can fix this. Let me talk to him. ANA Talk to him. Talking will do nothing. RAY You don’t know these guys. They’re not going to walk away from this. There’s a lot of money on the line and there’s a lot of them! ANA I don’t care. RAY Dom is not somebody you want to fuck with. ANA I’m not somebody you want to fuck with. RAY Let me talk to them. He needs me alive. He’s not going to kill me, he needs me breathing so he can collect on the insurance money. I can reason with him. He’s a reasonable guy. ANA He’s a reasonable – did you just say he’s a reasonable guy? RAY Oh, no, no, no, no. ANA Did you just say he’s a reasonable guy? RAY No, we’re not going down that road. ANA No, wait, wait, you like that word. RAY No. Stop! We’re not going down that road. No, we’re not doing that. ANA You like that word, I get it. You call me unreasonable all the time. What do I do? I cook. Sometimes I shout. And that makes me unreasonable? This guy wants to burn down a perfectly good restaurant and he’s the reasonable one. RAY That’s not what I’m saying. ANA No? RAY No, we’re on the same team. ANA Oh, we’re not on the same team. You want to talk to people who want to burn this place down. RAY And what do you want to do? You want to kill them? ANA I won’t let them burn down my restaurant. RAY Our restaurant? I’ll talk to them. It’s the only way. If you’re not going to be reasonable, I will. RAY Dom! I just want to talk. DOM What’s going on, Ray? RAY You can’t burn it down. Not yet. DOM Why’s that? RAY Give us a chance to really make it work, please. I got a good feeling about this place. DOM And you had a good feeling about the last four restaurants too, remember that? RAY Yeah, yeah. I know, I know, but this one’s different. DOM It’s not working for me, Ray. Is that all you got? Is a good feeling? RAY Come on, don’t bust my balls. Alright, look, I got a really good feeling. Alright, is that? Does that work? DOM Doesn’t mean much coming from you. RAY Dom, please. DOM Ray, take solace in the fact that you didn’t run this one into the ground. You burned it. MICK You think they got her? DOM Enough bullshit. Mickey, you’re up. Burn this place to the ground. RAY Dom, please, come on. MIMI Hello? Mimi? MIMI Ana? Is that you? ANA Yes. MIMI How are you? ANA I’m – I need your help. MIMI Well, this is a blast from the past, isn’t it? Same old shit, like the old days – you get into some shit and you call me to bail you out? ANA Umn. Yes. MIMI Hmm, so you need my help? ANA There are some men trying to burn down my restaurant. MIMI Oh, no. On opening night? ANA Yep. MIMI Well, that’s just rude. How many we talking? ANA Not sure yet, but can you help? MIMI Well, what choice do I have, Ana, if you’re calling me I, I’m guessing it’s an emergency, right? ANA It is, yeah. Uhm, could you hurry? MIMI I will, Babe, don’t worry. A road to a friend’s house is never long. And we are friends, right, even after all these years? ANA Yeah, friends. MIMI Good. Protect yourself, Anya, we’ll see you soon. ANA Mimi, listen, I, I just want you to know I – you know, when I left – MIMI No, no, no, no, no. No. We will chit chat all about it when I get there, ok? Can’t wait. TOM I like big guns and I cannot lie. This one’s clean. MIMI Please, stop singing that. Let’s go. TOM Whoa, whoa, we’re leaving? MIMI Yes, pack your shit, let’s go. TOM Oh. Girls we’re – MIMI Come on, girls. TOM Who was that? MICK It’s simple, you just run in, throw it on the ground – boom. ROCCO I don’t take orders from you. MICK This comes direct from my Pops. ROCCO He told you to do it. MICK And I’m telling you. It’s called delegating. It’s what leadership is. Now go. MICK Come on. You scared? I’ll tell my dad you did a good job. Just do this thing, it’s going to be huge. ROCCO What you do, you plot against me. MICK You’re being insubordinate. Get some balls and just listen. ROCCO No way. It’s not going to happen. MICK You want your bones buried in this restaurant? My dad can -- ANA Fucking idiots. MICK There, let’s go. Let’s go. You got it. MICK You can do it. MICK Come on. MICK Oh, shit. TOM Just saying if we get pulled over it’s going to slow us down so. MIMI Ok, thanks, Tom. TOM You’re welcome. TOM Going fast. Driving fast, too fast, I think the speed limit’s actually – oh my god, you’re really… MIMI Tom. TOM Yep. TOM You know what this reminds me of. MIMI Bucharest? TOM Yeah, Bucharest. Remember that was, that was, that was a good one. You were good in Bucharest. I mean, yeah, because we smash, remember we smashed into a dog park and there were some really angry dog owners, yeah. MIMI It was a mission, Tom, and was it successful? TOM It was a successful mission, yeah. MIMI It was. TOM This isn’t a mission. MIMI Nobody likes a backseat driver, Tom. TOM Sitting in the front. BECKY Why did we have to come? MIMI Excuse me, Lady, you know exactly why. KAITLYN I have homework, Mimi. MIMI Do not fucking call me Mimi. The last time you had ‘homework,’ we came home to a party. KAITLYN It was Sociology. BECKY And it was a get-together, so… TOM Yeah, ok, so that’s your truth. Now just listen to your Mimi, Mommy, your mother. Listen – Look, it was just a suggestion, if you slow down. MIMI Ok, well, I suggest that you mind your own business. TOM Thank you for that suggestion. I’m just trying to help. MIMI Ok, you can help, just do it silently inside your mind. TOM Dr. Gotlieb says that we should have an open forum. We should discuss -- MIMI You know what? If Dr. fucking Gotlieb knows so much, why has she been married three times, huh, Tom? BECKY Oh my god, just get fucking divorced already! TOM Language! MIMI Language! KAITLYN Do you realize how much you guys are screwing us up? TOM Ok, your mother and I are working through a cloudy yesterday to get to a sunny tomorrow. MIMI Jesus Christ, Tom, she’s really gotten to you. You remembered that thing hanging above her wall? TOM Tromp. MIMI Oh lord. TOM Tromp! Trust. Respect. Open Mindedness. Positivity. Tromp! If you can’t handle all four, just pick one. MIMI Ok, you know what, I will pick one. I pick Positivity. I’m positive Dr. fucking Gotlieb hasn’t gotten laid since the Berlin Wall. TOM Makes three of us. MIMI Well, then take some fucking initiative! Oh, god. TOM I’m just going to make an observation: you’re driving like a maniac and I think this is a personal vendetta against your best friend. MIMI Ex-best friend. Current enemy. And will you have my fucking back?! TOM It’s ok, girls. DOM Keep it locked up. Keep the riffraff out. Shouldn’t be a long night. Thanks for coming out. VINNIE No sweat. You got it, Boss. GARY Six guys in – no guys out. Shit, man this is bullshit. BOBBY Gary focus, please. GARY I am focused! This is how I gather myself, ok? I’m just a masseuse. I shouldn’t even be here. Shit. BOBBY Don’t be a bitch, man, come on. Come on! GARY Shut up. God, please help me. BOBBY Gary, what are you waiting for? Let’s go. GARY Ok. Come on. Go. It’s not, it’s not locked. You go first. You first. BOBBY No. Get your black ass in there. GARY That’s some racist shit. You can’t say that shit. BOBBY Ok, ok, you’re right. GARY I’m going to go toward the office, alright? You go right there, boy. GARY Hey man, you ok? Open up, man. BOBBY A little Ali. A little bit Jackie. GARY Get her again, Bobby. Get her! Yes! GARY Get that bitch. Get that bitch, Bobby! GARY Bobby, is she dead?! GARY I didn’t see that. I didn’t. I didn’t. One more time, ok, pay attention. Oh, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Please come, Bobby. Stay down, be quiet, be quiet, ok, ok. GARY Ok, look, I’m blind. I didn’t see your face or the dead bodies. I didn’t see nothing. GARY Please. ANA You’ve got 90 seconds before the oil turns your fingers into pomme frittes. GARY Come on, look, Lady, I only understand American threats. ANA It means French fries. GARY Ok, look. Ok, look, my name is Gary and I’m a Libra and I like Chinese food and carrots. ANA Who cares about you fucking star sign? GARY You know, I don’t have no problem with you at all. ANA I have no problem, Gary, I just have questions and I want answers. GARY What kind of a – aahhhh! ANA Tell me about Dom. GARY Oh, shit. I think Dom is Aquarius, his birthday was two days ago. ANA No! That’s not what I want to know. Why does he want to burn down my restaurant? GARY I don’t know why! I really don’t know! ANA Well, you better fucking know because you’ve got 60 seconds left. GARY Ok, it’s an insurance thing. It’s very confusing, ok? He bills me. ANA Why tonight? Why tonight?! GARY I don’t know because they got uh, there’s a war between the families. And he’s gotta have his, his, he’s got to have cash for his company. ANA How many men work for him? GARY I don’t know. I don’t know. This is getting hot! This is getting hot please! ANA That’s the idea. GARY Please, Lady, look, I’m a masseuse. All I do is massage. ANA What?! GARY Yes. Aahhh. I need my hands. Aahhh please let me go. Please. ANA Oh, stop talking! Shut up! GARY Ok, ok. Please. Please, please, look. Ok. Ok, I just want to say thank you. First of all for respecting an artist’s hands. You gonna kill me? Huh? ANA I don’t enjoy this. GARY So, you’re not going to kill me? Hell, you could let me go. ANA So, you’re a masseuse? GARY Yes, I’m, I’m a certified masseuse. I do massages all day and I could tell you need a massage right now. I could put my hands on you and put them… ANA You Gary, huh? GARY Yes, I am Gar. ANA You Libra? GARY Yes, I am a Libra. If you don’t like that, I can change my sign, if you want to. ANA GARY What that mean? What that mean? That mean you got some people coming here? ANA It means, get out of here, Gary. GARY Oohh. ANA Before I change my mind. GARY I understand that, but can I use your bathroom first? Hmh? Ok, I’m out. I don’t like that look. ANA Get the fuck out! GARY Ok! Shit. OFFICER JAMES Got some calls about some gun fire in the area. Know anything about that? VINNIE Uh, we’re digging up the gas main at the restaurant – jack hammers going to be going on and off all night. OFFICER JAMES Yeah. It’s a residential area, got a lot of busy bodies. I’ll leave you to it. MIMI Ready? TOM Ready. BECKY Seriously, why do we have to be here? TOM Because we don’t trust you. MIMI Because we don’t trust you. VINNIE Hey, hey, hey, hold up there. Hello, Ma’am. MIMI Hello. Just passing through. VINNIE I’m sorry, Ma’am, this road is closed. MIMI Closed. I, you know I’m, I’m meeting a friend at a restaurant down the street. VINNIE Ah, it’s pretty late, I’m pretty sure the restaurant’s not still open. MIMI No, no, no, I’m sure she’s there waiting for me. VINNIE No, I’m sorry, Ma’am, no can do. It’s just not safe. You’re going to have to call your friend. MIMI Oh dear. VINNIE You can loop back around – MIMI Fun. TOM Warn me next time. DOM I understand. MICK Pop! DOM I said I understand that. I know it’s short notice, but this is a really big deal and it’s gotta go down tonight. MICK Pops! DOM All I want is a quote. Three guys, no, make it four guys. MICK Pop. DOM For three hours. DOM Can you give one second, please. What? MICK The guys that just went in, they’re gone too. DOM Not Gary. MICK She got Gary. DOM Scratch that. I need fifteen more. I don’t care about the cost, just make it happen. MIMI Sometime tonight would be nice. TOM I may work slowly, but I always finish quickly. MIMI Oh, I know you finish quickly, Tom. TOM I won’t let your stress disrupt my peace. BECKY How long’s this going to take? TOM I acknowledge your impatience, but I don’t have an answer for that. TOM So you’re really going to do this. You’re going to kill her. MIMI I don’t know. I don’t know. TOM You want to talk about it? MIMI I don’t want to talk about it, Tom. TOM Ok, yeah, I understand. MIMI I’m really conflicted about it. TOM You seem conflicted about it. MIMI I am. I’m conflicted. TOM You know what this reminds me of. Jakarta. MIMI Jakarta? Jakarta was a shit fest. TOM Well, it wasn’t all bad. TOM Yeah, but you feel conflicted now and. MIMI Yes, she’s my friend. TOM She’s your best friend. She was your best friend. MIMI She was my friend and then she completely ditched me and abandoned me to become a fucking civilian. TOM I know. I was like psphiff. She had a really, pretty good reason for that, I guess, you know. MIMI Whose side are you on, Tom? TOM I, you know the answer to that. MIMI Do I? TOM I hope that you do. MIMI I hope you do. TOM Ok. I hope that you realize that this feels like more of a conversation than a conflict. MIMI Conflict. Another fucking Gotlieb gem, thanks for that. And I’m going to kill her. TOM It’s a good Gotlieb. Ok, I don’t think you’re in the right mindset for this. I don’t think killing should be personal. It’s, it’s like plumbing – it’s just a job. MIMI Ok, well then shut up and do your job, alright, Tom? BECKY Seriously, how long is this going to take? TOM It’s gonna take what it’s gonna take! MIMI Calm down, Tom. BECKY Calm down, Tom. TOM K. MIMI Are you done? TOM Uh. Hon? MIMI Girls! KAITLYN God, I hate them. BECKY God, I hate them. GARY Oh, shit. Hell no. Ah! GARY Oh, shit. THE TWINS Hello. Are you ok? Can we help you? Where are you going? TOM What’s up, dog? RAY How’s it going, Dom? DOM This is your last chance, Ray. You need to go in there and talk some sense into that wife of yours. RAY Think she’s going to listen to me? DOM You better pray that she does. RAY Not exactly the warm and fuzzy greeting I was hoping for. ANA I could have shot you. What do you want, Ray? RAY Dom sent me. ANA Maybe I should have shot you. RAY He wants me to get you out of here. ANA Yeah, I’m sure he does. RAY What do you want? ANA Oh. Now you want to know. RAY We can take them. ANA We? RAY You just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it. ANA Fine. Get out of here. RAY Nah, I’m not leaving. ANA Ray, please go. RAY Sixty five percent. ANA What. RAY Sixty five percent of restaurant staff quit during their shift. I’m not going to be one of them. ANA Did they hurt you out there? RAY Nothing that a stiff drink won’t fix. How about you? ANA You should see the other guys. RAY KGB, huh? ANA ex-kgb. RAY What the fuck? How the fuck did we even get here? A Rusky cooking French food – that’s crazy, it’s doesn’t make any sense. ANA I told you, after I left Russia I went to France. That part is true. RAY What part isn’t? ANA The rest of it. I’m still the same person. RAY I had no idea they were going to try and torch this place with you in it. ANA Doesn’t matter now. RAY It matters to me. So what’s the plan, Baby? ANA I’ve got a couple ideas. RAY I bet you do. GARY Don’t. Ok, just wait, please. Ok, ok look, I asked God this morning I said send me two strong women. MIMI I don’t give a fuck what you asked God about, Gary. How did she seem, Gary? GARY I don’t know, I don’t know! MIMI I think you do know, Gary. GARY Ok. Ok, she seemed sad? I don’t know, sad. Honestly. Sad! MIMI Sad Anya – wonderful. And was she alone? GARY Yes. Yeah, she was alone. She was all ‘the grown men ass’ by herself. It was embarrassing. MIMI Oh, so she’s still sharp. GARY She’s sharper than a crack in his toenail. TOM Honey, cut the guy some slack. MIMI Oh my god, it wouldn’t exactly be torturer if I cut him slack. GARY He, listen to him. MIMI You, Pussy. BECKY Mimi really needs to get laid. MIMI How did you get in. GARY The back door. MIMI What other way is there to get in? GARY The front door. MIMI Oh wow, you must be a fucking architect, Gary. GARY Not at all – I’m a masseuse. I do nothing but massages. TOM You’re a masseuse? Do you do fascia work? MIMI Your neck is fine, Tom, man up! TOM I got some shrapnel between my C3 and my C4. I’m in a lot of pain every day. MIMI Why are there so many cars parked down there? GARY I don’t know – I don’t know, Lady. MIMI Well, tell me what you do know, Gary! GARY I don’t know shit. Ok, I’m so sorry I called you today. I don’t, I mean, I just don’t want to die. TOM I don’t think he’s lying. GARY Ah, I’m not, I’m not at all. MIMI Useless. TOM Uhp, she’s – wait, useless? Him or me? Him? Him or me? GARY You people – you’re so mean. RAY Yeah, Ray. DOM Time’s up, Ray. RAY Alright, then. DOM Hey, come on out. RAY Hmp. That’s not going to happen. DOM Jesus Christ – you got a death wish or something? RAY Yeah, something like that. DOM Something like that. I’m telling you right now, this is your last chance. If you come out right now, well, you both go free. But, if you keep making me wait, I’m going to put a bullet in both your heads. RAY Fucking idiot. If you kill us, you won’t be able to collect on the insurance money. Be a shame if you did all this for nothing. DOM It’s not nothing, asshole. RAY No, it’s something. DOM What the fuck’s wrong with you? You fucking idiot. RAY We’re not coming out, Dom. If we’re going down, we’re going down swinging. DOM Then we’re coming in. DOM Watch this shit – they’re going to try to fuck me without even buying me dinner first. RONA You Dom? DOM I am. RONA Good. We’re here. DOM I can see that. MICK No shit. RONA You spoke to Terry. DOM Ay, I spoke to Terry. MICK We spoke to Terry. RONA And he explained the overtime rules? DOM Yes. Several times, yes. RONA My guys are coming straight from another job. DOM And I appreciate that. RONA It means double time. DOM So I’ve heard. RONA And if we go over four hours, we’re going to need lunch. RONA Catered. MICK Yeah, you got it! I want you to kill that Russian bitch. TOM Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, you’re magic. You’re magic. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don’t understand. Oh, Gary. Oh, Gary. You’re magic. Magic. Magic hands. GARY Thank you, Sir, that means a lot, Tom. TOM I needed this. I needed this tonight. And I knew when I saw those long phalanges, I knew. I knew. GARY Wow, you seem real stressed. TOM Yeah. TOM Used to be happy, Gary. Me and Mimi were happy. Then we. We had each others backs, she was like, ‘thanks, Hon.’ ‘I got you, Babe.’ ‘I got you, Babe.’ And then we had kids. KAITLYN Hello. BECKY We can hear you. GARY Me and my Ex had a cat named Blue. So I can relate with you. TOM Guess it doesn’t help that we work together. GARY What kind of work do you do, Tom? TOM Oh, Gary, I could tell you, but I, I’d have to kill you. TOM I don’t want to kill you, Gary. GARY Yeah, we don’t want that at all. TOM I’m not going to kill you, Gary. TOM Thanks, Gary. You’re free to go. GARY You sure? You don’t want to wait on Mimi? TOM No, I’m making the call. Good bye, Gary. TOM I love you, Girls. BECKY Tom just be off his meds again. DOM There’s only two ways in. for everyone that’s gone in, no one’s come out. MICK Rocco didn’t technically go in. DOM Yeah, he exploded in the parking lot. Thanks, Mick. RONA How many are there? DOM Just one. RONA Just one? DOM One giant pain in the ass. RONA Well, we’ll hit him from both sides. DOM Her. RONA It’s a her? DOM It’s a her. RONA Well, that’s going to cost extra. DOM You’re kidding, right? RONA I’m not. DOM I thought you woman wanted equality. RONA You’re telling me we all showed up for one woman. DOM I’m telling you I got ten thousand bucks for the person who kills that god damn Russian. RONA Whoa, den – Russians? MICK Technically Russian, just the one. Ana. DOM Is that going to cost us more? RONA Everything costs. We’ve dealt with Russians before and it’s not going to be pretty. DOM I don’t need it to be pretty. I need it to be done. MICK I’m going to need one of those walkie talkies. For communication purposes. DOM Mick, go wait in the car. Adults are talking over here. Go wait in the fucking car! It’s my kid. RONA I’ll do him for free. ANA Ready? RAY Ready. ANA Na zdorovie. RAY Exactly. RONA We need backup! Send in everyone. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. RONA Get down! RONA Get her! RAY Table for five. No walkins. ANA Ray, get behind the bar. MERCENARY Go, go, go! MERCENARY Scatter! Scatter! ANA You ok? RAY I’m good. ANA Hang in there. MERCENARY Go, go, go! RONA She’s out of bullets. Push up! MERCENARY She’s out of ammo! Watch your back! RAY I love you. ANA I love you, Shithead. MERCENARY Watch out! MIMI There’s another one! MERCENARY Where the hell is – MIMI What chardonnays do you have? I like something a little fruity. MIMI Wooh. I mean it can be Pinot, I really don’t care what it is, I’m not picky. ANA Mimi, you made it. MIMI Looks like I was just in time. MIMI Thanks, Hon. TOM I got you, Babe. MIMI I missed you, Anya. ANA Oh, I missed you too. It’s been so long, huh? MIMI I know, too long. ANA Thanks for coming. MIMI Me, miss an opportunity to catch up with an old friend? I would never. I’ve been looking for you all these years. ANA Really? MIMI I mean that’s what you do when a friend just up and vanishes. You literally disappeared without a trace. ANA I remember, yeah, I know. MIMI I think you owe me a bit of an explanation. ANA Ah, come on, Mimi, it’s been such a long time ago, I MIMI I don’t think you understand quite how upset some of our friends were when you left. ANA I’m sorry. MIMI You’re sorry? ANA I’m sorry. MIMI Ok, well, then water under the bridge, right? ANA Yeah, sure. MIMI Wrong. ANA Mimi, come on. MIMI Anya. ANA Alright. Ok, so, now what? MIMI Well, now I kill you, Sweetie. MIMI They blamed me for leaving. MIMI You’re rusty. MIMI You think I didn’t think about leaving, Huh? You could have told me. ANA Mimi, I tried to protect you. MIMI I never would have left without you. MIMI Oh, I’ve waited years for this. ANA I made a mistake, Mimi, I’m sorry. MIMI Oh, not sorry enough, Baby. ANA I never meant to hurt you. MIMI Friends don’t abandon each other. MIMI You left me without cover in Paris. ANA You had Tom. MIMI Tom’s a moron. ANA At least your husband didn’t gamble away your dreams. MIMI What are you talking about? ANA Husbands are more trouble than they’re worth. MIMI Yeah, tell me about it. ANA I made a mistake, Mimi. MIMI Yeah, you really did. ANA You were my family. MIMI And you’re still my fucking family. RAY I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced. MIMI Is that your husband? He’s old! ANA He is tougher than he looks. RAY Thanks, Hon. MIMI Well, he looks geriatric, I hope so. RAY Yeah, I’m an old man with a double barrel shotgun aimed at your head. MIMI I’m Mimi. An old friend of Ana’s. RAY Why don’t you put that gun down, Friendo? MIMI Maybe he’s not all bad. ANA He’s got his moments. MIMI I really miss you, Anya. ANA I miss you too, Mimi. MIMI Well, that was fun. We should go to dinner sometime, so a proper catch up, leave the boys at home. ANA Sure thing. MIMI Call me, ok? Don’t be such a stranger. ANA Thanks for your help. MIMI Hey. TOM I’m so glad. Did you, did you? MIMI No. I’m getting soft. Where’s the hostage? TOM I let him go. MIMI You what?! TOM I made the call. MIMI You made the call. Wow. TOM I’m going to be making the call a lot more often. MIMI Not in front of the girls. TOM Come here. DOM Ten Gs down the toilet. MICK What are we going to do now, Pops? ANA Hello, Lollipop. ANA Ma chérie. RAY Ya hungry, Baby? ANA I could eat. RAY I can always eat. ANA I know, yes. RAY Chérie. RAY ANA It’s so cute when you speak French. ANA ANA Bon. Bon appétit.