ARTIE BLAINE BRITTANY CHARLIE JUNE KURT MALE_ASSISTANT MALE_MODEL MARY MERCEDES RACHEL SAM

BLAINE
So here's what you missed on Glee. Rachel went to LA to audition for a TV show, but it was
terrible and she missed her performance, but then she found out that the TV executives want to
write a TV show around her. Sam's a male model and Mercedes' album's about to drop and they're
still going out, except Mercedes definitely wants to save herself for marriage. Sassy heiress June
Dolloway wants to put on a showcase for Blaine, but Blaine lied to Kurt and said he's in it, too.
And that's what you missed on Glee!
MERCEDES
Uh, there.
SAM
Oh, no, huge audition this week for Treasure Trailz. They're kind of, like, on the forefront of the
manscaping movement. I mean, they're going all out
billboards, print, bus ads. Okay, my dream of being almost naked on a public bus is this close to
coming true.
MERCEDES
Well, you know, I'm gonna be spray-painting "mine"
SAM
Ooh.
MERCEDES
over all those ads. Because if I'm gonna be out of town on this mall tour, I'm gonna need those 'rexy
models you're working with to know that you have a girl, and she fights...
SAM
Dirty.
MERCEDES
dirty.
RACHEL
See? This is exactly what my show needs to be about. Old friends struggling to make it in this
world.
ARTIE
Is it normal for a network to send a writer to hang out with the star to figure out the show?
RACHEL
Only when their star's incredibly interesting. Mary Halloran is a genius. She sold her first script
when she was 14 years old.
KURT
Yeah, I just don't like the idea of someone crashing Monday night dinner.
RACHEL
No, but the point is for her to really see my life and understand my essence, and you guys are so
much of that, besides my work, my talent and my ambition, so...
(knocking on door)
RACHEL
Oh, here she is. Okay, you guys, be really nice, 'cause I don't want her to feel alienated.
KURT
We got to figure out a way to invite Mary to our showcase. I mean, Rachel shouldn't be the only
one with a chance for small-screen stardom.
BLAINE
Oh. Totally.
RACHEL
(gasps) Oh, my God! Brittany, what's happening!
BRITTANY
What up, bitches?
RACHEL
What are you doing here? Oh, good. Look who's here.
BRITTANY
Hey!
MERCEDES
Brittany, I thought that you were on Lesbian Island.
BRITTANY
No... (scoffs) I lost my passport and I was trapped in the airport, like Tom Hanks in that movie.
SAM
Castaway?
ARTIE
Big?
BLAINE
The Money Pit?
BRITTANY
Okay, it was Castaway. So, where's Santana?
MERCEDES
Oh, uh, she's shooting a Yeast-I-Stat commercial in Iowa for a week. Apparently, they have the best
wheat fields to slow-motion-run through. She didn't call and tell you?
BRITTANY
No. I gave up my cell phone after Kiki and I and broke up. The pain was too great.
MARY
Hello? Hello? I'm Mary Halloran.
RACHEL
Yes.
MARY
Oh, is that Chinese food? Just the smell of it gives me the Lady Di's.
RACHEL
Oh, I'm s... Hello. I am Rachel Berry. It is so nice to meet you. Let me introduce you to my
friends...
MARY
Oh, no, no, don't bother. I have a thing about names.
RACHEL
Oh.
MARY
Jonathan says it's a form of narcissism, but I think it's related to my anxiety disorder.
BLAINE
Ooh, who's-who's Jonathan?
MARY
He's my Tuesday-Thursday shrink. At least I think that's his name. You know, that wonton smell's
going straight to my tummy.
(Rachel gasps)
MARY
Bathroom. Now.
RACHEL
It-It's right there.
MARY
Okay. Oh, I'm really excited to be working with you, by the way, Randy. It's gonna be a blast.
MARY
Okay, let's start writing!
(Rachel chuckles)
MARY
"The Untitled Mary Halloran Project."
RACHEL (quietly)
Yes!
MARY
So... (sighs) tell me about yourself.
RACHEL
Well, let's see, uh, I-I have two gay dads.
MARY
Amazing! (laughs) We can use that!
RACHEL
Oh, good. Okay.
MARY
Do they work for NASA?
RACHEL
No, they don't.
MARY
Gay... NASA... dads.
RACHEL
N... Uh...
MARY
So, you're a singer?
RACHEL
Um, yes, I-I started out in my high school glee club, so...
MARY
(imitates buzzer) Irrelevant! We can't use that.
RACHEL
Oh. I'm so sorry.
MARY
The a capella thing is so over. But you're on Broadway.
RACHEL
Yeah!
MARY
Uh! What's that like?
RACHEL
It's amazing. Um, I-I do eight shows a week, so it's a little, you know, tiring, but...
MARY
Lazy.
RACHEL
I'm sorry? Is this, like, your process?
MARY (like a robot)
Mm! What is Mary-bot's process? Does not compute. (imitates alarm)
Meh! Meh! Meh! Meh!
RACHEL
Okay. Um... so, how-how did you... start writing?
MARY
(sighs) Well, my freshman year at Princeton, I wrote a version of The Diary of Anne Frank, where
Anne was played by an upright Oreck vacuum cleaner. It transferred to New York, where I won an
Obie, and then I got a MacArthur Genius Grant.
RACHEL
Oh, wow.
MARY
Oh! I'm so bored! Too much work! Can I use your bathroom? I'm not gonna pee. I'm just gonna
snoop through the cabinets. But before you say anything, remember that it's Opposite Day.
RACHEL
Yes?
MARY
Thank you.
ARTIE
Miss Jones, here we are with the launch of your nationwide tour of shopping malls. As you look
ahead to a summer of autograph signings and mall appearances and glamorous events at Marriott
Hotels across our great, great country, how do you feel?
MERCEDES
You know, I feel absolutely amazing. We're gonna meet up with Santana in Reno, and I even got
the label to bring along my girl Brittany as my star backup dancer. We're gonna be like Charlie's
Angels! I get to be Farrah-- no arguments.
BRITTANY
I'm the Angel that torches stuff with her laser eyes.
(rock intro plays)
JUNE
Blaine. Come. I brought BabyCakes.
BLAINE
Oh.
JUNE
What were you doing up there?
BLAINE
Oh, I like to measure the stage to see how many paces I have in each direction-- that way if I decide
to freestyle, I won't fall on my ass into the crowd.
JUNE
(chuckles) You know, success depends on three things. It depends on talent, hard work and... luck,
and if you have the first two, you won't have to worry about the third.
BLAINE
Oh. Who said that?
JUNE
Me. Just now. (chuckles) All right. Should I seat Michael Bay next to Walter Cronkite?
BLAINE
Uh, I'm pretty sure Walter Cronkite died.
JUNE
Oh. That's sad. It's okay, don't worry about Walter-- he had a fantastic life. And he made great
Manhattans.
BLAINE
It's not Walter. It's... it's Kurt. I've... been carrying around this lie that he's gonna be in the
showcase. Can we just give him one song?
JUNE
That's enough. Blaine, I am putting the most valuable currency I have into this event, and that
currency is my reputation. All the people come here because I am their taste-maker. And my
palate... is undeniable when it comes to talent, and I cannot jeopardize my track record because
your friend doesn't like to hear bad news.
BLAINE
Kurt is amazing. He's incredible.
JUNE
vYou take my lead, and the world will greet you like Venus in a clamshell. You cross me, and
you'll be driftwood. Hm.
(John Legend's "All of Me" begins)
KURT
Well, I brought you lunch, but it looks like you already had dessert. That was nice. Are you gonna
put that in the showcase?
BLAINE
June doesn't want you in the showcase. And she never did.
KURT
So, you've been lying to me this whole time?
BLAINE
I thought I could convince her, and then they wouldn't be lies anymore. I love you.
KURT
How am I supposed to believe that you love me if I can't even trust you?
BLAINE
I did it because I love you.
KURT
You lied to me! We had long conversations about this.
BLAINE
I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I... I am... I am so, so sorry.
KURT
Yeah, I bet you are. Too bad I can't believe in anything else you say.
MALE MODEL
What is with the rubber band?
SAM
Um... (clears throat) Just, it's been a while since I've been intimate with a girl, so, I do it to kind of
keep from popping a rogue chubber.
MALE MODEL
Oh, I know what you mean. It's been, like, nine hours since got laid. I'm going nuts.
CHARLIE
All right, cattle kids. Listen up. I'm Charlie Darling, and you're all here on zero notice because
there's an advertising crisis over at the... Treasure Trailz campaign. Their big model got sent to
prison for running an underground teacup dog-fighting ring in Miami. They have billboards set to
launch in a few days, so it's time for a new Treasure Trailz coverboy. We're going to do this fast,
and we're gonna do it dirty. Walk. If you can't get into my jeans with your walk, then you don't
have it. I brought some girls to help set the mood. For the love of God, please, someone just turn
me on.
(camera shutter clicking)
(Duran Duran's "Girls on Film" begins)
CHARLIE
You-- what's your name?
SAM
Uh, Sam Evans.
CHARLIE
Sam, you are seriously buzzing with sex.
SAM
Uh, maybe it's just 'cause I'm a little backed up. My, uh, girlfriend and I-- we're waiting till we get
married.
CHARLIE
Whatever it is, it's working. Come back tonight for the shoot. Everything about you just screams
Treasure Trailz.
MERCEDES
What's this?
RACHEL
We need to have a little girl talk.
KURT
It's about Sam. Are you gonna break up with him before you go on tour?
BLAINE
Sam, I think you need to break it off with Mercedes. It's just the gentlemanly thing to do.
(whirring)
SAM
We love each other.
RACHEL
You're going to be traveling all over the country, meeting tons of people. Guys are gonna be, like,
throwing themselves at you.
MERCEDES
Listen, I've got my posse and my Jesus. I can resist temptation!
KURT
But Sam can't.
MERCEDES
Sam is cool with the whole waiting until marriage thing. He barely even thinks about it anymore.
SAM
It's all I think about. Like today, there were all these boobs all around me, and I almost passed out...
but I didn't. I controlled it.
MERCEDES
Okay, I'm not gonna lie. It is scary, worrying about what the person you love is doing while you're
a million miles away, but it's worth the risk. And Sam respects me. And if that makes me a
romantic and not a realist, well, that's the way that I'm choosing to live my life.
SAM
Look, guys, I'm committed to Mercedes, okay? She's the one. I'm not gonna screw it up.
RACHEL
Look, being in love is amazing, and when you have it, it's terrifying to let it go, but sometimes the
best chance you have of staying together is by being apart for a while.
MARY
Ow.
ARTIE
Rachel's one of those people that, when she sets a goal, she doesn't stop until she gets it. I've never
met anyone... Did you just put a donut in your bra?
MARY
Maybe? (laughs) Did you want this one?
(typing slowly)
BLAINE
So, are we gonna begin, or...?
MARY
I love your attitude, and I'm okay with your loafers. We're gonna have to change your name,
though. Do you prefer Slaine or Fane?
BLAINE
I'm sorry. Are you an actual writer from a real-life television network?
MARY
Shoop shoop! Shoop shoop da-doop!
BRITTANY
Can I just say that you are a breath of fresh air, and I love your pajamas?
MARY
Don't steal my pajamas! Little mousies live in the pockets!
BRITTANY
Amazing.
(Mary laughs)
BRITTANY
What?
MARY
And a kitty lives in my pants.
(Brittany laughs)
KURT
Rachel, that chick is insane.
BRITTANY
I think she's amazing. When Mary and I spoke telepathically, I told her I'd watch any show she
created.
KURT
If you go out for that TV show, you're going to have to burn a lot of bridges. Sidney Greene even
said he's gonna blackball you if you missed another performance. What is he gonna do when he
finds out that you're quitting on him?
RACHEL
Shh! Look, if I do this TV show, then I can, like, come back to New York afterwards and do any
show I want for, like, ten times the amount of money.
KURT
Understood, but if you're making that bet, I wish you'd bet on your voice, not some crazy
psychopath who eats couch cushions.
BRITTANY
The armrest is the sweetest meat.
KURT
Look, you're the star of the show, but you have to trust your instincts, not hers.
RACHEL
Okay, you guys, welcome to the first informal read-through of the Untitled Mary Halloran Project.
So, I will be playing the role of Rachel. Blaine, you'll be playing Slaine, and Brittany, you'll be
playing Nittany.
(Brittany whoops)
SAM
I'm guessing I'm Jam?
ARTIE
Blartie?
RACHEL
Yes.
KURT
Cert? I'm Cert, like the breath mint.
RACHEL
Let's start with scene one. Interior Cert and Rachel's apartment. "Rachel eats a full sheet cake in a
bathtub, thinking about her gay dads who work for NASA." Um...
KURT
Hey.
RACHEL
Hey, where did you get that dinosaur suit?
KURT
I found it in a Dumpster in the Bronx, so I put it on, but then I was afraid it might have lice, so I
took it off, but then I missed having it on, so I put it back on.
RACHEL
O-M-G-R-O-F-L-W-T-H. My stupid gay NASA dads forgot that today was my birthday, and I
know that they're in the International Space Station, but I, like, never even forget their anniversary.
Hashtag D-B-E-Y-R.
KURT
Hashtag D-I-L-L-I-G-A-S.
RACHEL
Hashtag, hashtag...
KURT & RACHEL
...hashtag, hashtag. Hashtag, hashtag... "...hashtag, hashtag, hashtag... hashtag, hashtag."
RACHEL
Why don't we move to, uh, scene 12?
BLAINE
(exhales loudly) That was weird.
BRITTANY
That was uber weird.
BLAINE
It is so wrong that we just slept together.
BRITTANY
Uber wrong.
BLAINE
I'm gay, and you're mostly lesbian, but here's what I'm thinking.
BRITTANY
I know what you're going to say.
BLAINE
Okay, let's just say it at the same time at the count of three. One, two, three.
BRITTANY & BLAINE
Let's keep sleeping together and start an art gallery in the performance space downstairs!
BRITTANY
Oh. Mmm.
BLAINE
Mmm.
RACHEL
Um... Okay, well, why... why don't we, uh, move onto... Rachel's impromptu birthday rave?
(dance music playing)
KURT
What's going on?
ARTIE
It's a rave. Coffee rave!
KURT
What?
ARTIE
It's a coffee rave! Everybody's drinking coffee.
KURT
Why coffee?
ARTIE
I don't know.
KURT
No one's here. It's the worst coffee rave ever.
ARTIE
It's for Rachel! Her gay astronaut dads forgot her birthday. She sort of has an issue with people
forgetting birthdays. For a while, she went to therapy about it. I'm-I'm sorry. Can we stop? The
speech goes on for, like, six more pages. I don't even see any punctuation.
BRITTANY
Everyone keeps stopping just when I start getting into it.
SAM
This doesn't make any sense.
KURT
Yeah, I sort of called that.
ARTIE
Girl, you're gonna have to do something.
RACHEL
You're right, and Kurt was right, too. If I'm going to do this, it's going to be my show, or no show at
all.
 (pigeons cooing)
KURT
They're full of diseases. Pretty hard to dance at your showcase with bumblefoot.
BLAINE
Humans can't get bumblefoot. And I don't want to do the showcase anymore. You are more
important to me than anything.
KURT
What do you think it's like to fly for the first time? I mean, here you are up in this nest, which is the
only home you've ever known, and even though your DNA and millions of years of evolution are
telling you that if you jump, you won't hit the ground like a stone, you can never really know.
Relationships are like that. You give someone your heart to look after, and you tell yourself that
you're safe, but... you never know if today or tomorrow is going to be the day that they drop it like
a stone.
BLAINE
Kurt, I'm really, really, really sorry.
KURT
I get what happened. The way that I was talking about the showcase-- there's no way that I would
have been cool with not being in it. I would have lied to me, too.
BLAINE
I don't understand. If you're not mad at me, then where are you going with all this flying stuff?
KURT
Oh, no, I-I was mad. Then I realized that trust is a choice. You know, every day, we're going to roll
out of bed, and send each other into the world, just trusting that we have each other's backs. And we
will slip up, and-and we will be scared, but I choose to trust and to love you through everything.
BLAINE
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Uh, I love you so much. I-I mean what
I said about the showcase. Either we fly together, or we don't fly at all.
KURT
I am very happy for you. And I'm very excited the world gets to see you spread your wings. Now
it's your turn to fly.
BLAINE
Thank you. I don't know if it's all this bird talk, but... I'm getting a little turned on.
KURT
Let's go inside.
BLAINE
Hey, hey, hey. I'm the luckiest guy in the world.
KURT
Yeah, pretty much.
RACHEL
You know, we have, uh, plain donuts here.
MARY
I prefer the misery of doing it this way, earning it.
RACHEL
Yeah, see, that's sort of what I mean about the show. You know, which is genius, by the way.
MARY (chuckling)
Thank you.
RACHEL
I just think the character of Rachel doesn't really sound like me. She... sounds like you.
MARY
I know TV. People want antiheroes. They want chubby girls who can't keep men and men who kill
people.
RACHEL
And that's great. I just... I thought that Mr. Paulblatt wanted to make a show that was about me.
MARY
I know the kinds of shows he greenlights-- they all have the one thing you lack irony.
RACHEL
When I was in the glee club and I had to explain something, it always helped me to do it through
song.
MARY
Oh... God, no.
RACHEL
I just want to show you my essence. I don't know how to write a script, but I know how I want it to
feel.
(Pink's "Glitter in the Air" begins)
MARY
This is so weird. I was watching you and I was like, "What is this feeling?" Right? It's so
unfamiliar.
RACHEL
What was it?
MARY
I think it was happy. That's never happened to me before. (sighs) I think you're right. Maybe there
is a show in making people not hate themselves.
RACHEL
You mean it? A-And, you know, you'll make her sound like me?
MARY
Well, they'll never make it, but I'll give your version a shot.
RACHEL
Oh, my God. Thank you so much. Okay, I'm gonna give you a hug now.
MARY
Oh. Wow. Now can you leave? I need to shame-eat.
RACHEL
Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure!
(Mary shudders)
CHARLIE
Okay, good. Yeah, just... Yeah. Give me a little more sex, a little more sex. A little more heat.
Come on. Chocolate. Banana. Give it to me, give it to me. Just tighten the abs a little bit. There you
go. Just look over this way. No, not all the way. I don't like that. I don't like that.
SAM
Ass?
CHARLIE
Can you just give me more sex? You know? Feel it. Yeah. This isn't working. No, I hate
everything. I hate everything. (sighs) Sam, where's my sex buzz? You didn't get laid today, did
you?
SAM
No, it's-it's... your... your assistant is... looking at me kind of funny.
MALE ASSISTANT
Is one of your nipples higher than the other? It's... weirding me out.
CHARLIE
Okay. Enough, enough. Everybody out. Out. (sighs) (sniffs) Okay. Do you want a beer?
SAM
I'm-I'm... I'm nine-nineteen.
CHARLIE
I won't tell your mom. What are you feeling?
SAM
Um... well, if I was a soup, I would probably be minestrone.
CHARLIE
Keep talking. I like your honesty. So does the camera.
SAM
Uh... Well... you're really hot, so there's that.
CHARLIE
There's definitely that.
SAM
But I... I love my girlfriend.
CHARLIE
The one who doesn't have sex with you?
SAM
Um... y... I-I'm also feeling kind of scared.
CHARLIE
Of me?
SAM
Well, it's just that this job is really important to me. (stammers) It's a dream come true. I'm just
worried that if I don't give you what you want I-I might lose it.
CHARLIE
What do you think I want? Hmm? I'm gonna tell you something to leave out of your minestrone of
emotions
guilt. There's nobody here. We can do whatever we want. And nobody has to know.
MERCEDES
Hey, my sexy working man. Look. I got us a bunch of binge foods to celebrate. Babe, what's
wrong?
SAM
(sighs) I'm so sorry. I cheated on you. I was at my shoot and this photographer was all over me and
it was so intense. It was like that scene in Fame, and she just... kissed me.
MERCEDES
And... and then what happened?
SAM
I got so upset I started crying and then she took some photos of me crying in my underwear and
then I just left.
MERCEDES
Sam, you didn't cheat on me. It's not like you kissed her back.
SAM
Well, like, I kind of sort of did but it was just, like, one of those reflex reactions that you have when
someone kisses you. Like, kind of, you know, like... See? Like that.
MERCEDES
Ugh. I can't do this to you anymore. Sam, I-I love you so much. But I'm looking at my life, and... I
don't think I'm gonna be ready until I'm, like, 30. And asking you to wait that long is like asking a
cheetah not to run.
SAM
It's okay. I'm okay with it. I... Yeah, it's-it's hard, but... I just have this feeling that we're meant to be
together.
MERCEDES
Yeah, who's to say that we're not?
SAM
Y-You think I'm gonna cheat on you?
MERCEDES
No, actually, I think you won't. And I think you'll resent me for it. And I think that we're holding on
way too tight and we're not believing in our love and we're gonna break it. It's gonna burn me to see
you with other girls. But I know this is the right thing.
SAM
Just know that... whoever I'm with or whatever I'm doing, I'd rather be doing it with you. Hey. Hey.
Just...
MERCEDES
Let's make a deal. If I... if I do decide to change my mind and not wait, I'll give you a call.
SAM
(chuckles) Deal. (sighs quietly)
BLAINE
That was fun.
JUNE
You were wonderful.
BLAINE
Oh, thank you.
JUNE
They loved you!
BLAINE
Oh, thank you.
KURT
That was great. They're demanding an encore.
JUNE
If they do, go. Don't drink it now, drink it later.
BLAINE
Sorry.
JUNE
Or drink it while you sing. You're such a good friend to come, um, rise above everything and be
here to support him, really.
KURT
A friend wouldn't stand any of this. I'm here because he is the love of my life and nothing and no
one is gonna come between us.
JUNE
(laughs) Sweet.
BLAINE
Thank you. Thank you all so very much. Um, before we end tonight, I would like to give a very,
very special thank you to my benefactor, June Dolloway. The woman that taught me that talent is
worthless unless you can really back it up with passion. And so I'd like to use that passion to pick
my last song. Because there is nothing I am more passionate about... than my fiancé. So, um, Kurt...
would you like to sing this last duet with me?
KURT
Oh...
BLAINE
If you all came here to get to know me tonight, there's no better way than seeing me with my one
true love.
(applause)
(Estelle's "American Boy" begins)
BLAINE
June, I-I'm so sorry, I-I just had to.
JUNE
No, no, no. You two were terrific. They loved you. And I'm gonna take credit for all of this. It's
been a long time since anybody's proven me wrong.
BLAINE
June, thank you so much. Thank you, really. Thank you for all of this.
JUNE
Never let anyone-- even me-- make you doubt what you're sure of.
BLAINE
Okay.
JUNE
You. Come. Stand.
KURT
Okay.
JUNE
You remind me of my third marriage. My husband was gay, too.
(all chuckle)
JUNE
True love.
(June & Kurt laugh)
JUNE
Okay, let's have a party.
RACHEL
Yeah.
KURT
Oh.
BLAINE
Party!
(all cheering)
RACHEL
"The thing about love is that it's not a scarce resource. The more you give, the more you have to
give." Aw.
MERCEDES
Yay.
RACHEL
Yay, I love it. Do you guys like it?
ARTIE
I cried, and it wasn't just because I can walk in the script.
RACHEL
Well, she's handing it in to the network, so... we should hear soon.
BRITTANY
The other one was better.
RACHEL
You know, I always thought that Fanny was the role that I was born to play, but then I read this.
This is it. This is my dream role, you guys, and thank you so much for pushing me to get it right.
KURT
A toast. To two glorious years in the greatest city on earth.
RACHEL
Cheers to that.
ARTIE & BLAINE
Cheers.
RACHEL
Cheers to that. So very much.
SAM
Holy crap.
MERCEDES
What...? Oh, my God.
RACHEL
Oh, my God.
MERCEDES
(gasps) Oh, my God, Sam, I am so proud of you.
SAM
I did it. I made my dream come true. Look at this. Ah. The abs, the... the nipples are even. Oh, my
gosh, this is great.
ARTIE
It is the start of a great career.
SAM
Nope. It's the finish. I came out here to get my junk on the side of a bus, and I did it. Going out on
top, or on the side, really.
RACHEL
What are you gonna do now?
SAM
I think I'm gonna go back home. I just want to be in a space where, you know, the only sounds I
hear at night are the crickets and the rendering plant. My mind just works better when everything's
a little slower. Plus, everybody here is just scattering, anyway, so...
BLAINE
It's the end of another era for us Glee kids.
KURT
Yeah.
RACHEL
Yeah. It's been quite a year, you guys. Finn and the Glee Club... I don't think I can really handle
losing anything else.
MERCEDES
Who said that you have to lose anything?
RACHEL
No, he's right. It's like the end of an era. Sam said it-- we're all gonna be scattered all over the place
soon. I mean, you do realize that if I get this TV show, it'll be the first time that we're apart in five
years.
KURT
Well, I think if we can get through that, our friendship can survive anything.
(Rachel coos)
KURT
Oh.
ARTIE
Kurt's right. I'm in this with you guys for the long haul.
RACHEL
Okay, then, you know what, you guys? (sighs) Let's make a deal. Six months from now, we all
come back, right here, to this place, because I'm gonna need something to look forward to. If I've
learned anything this year, it's that you guys are my life.
ARTIE
Let's hug it out. Come on.
SAM
Yes, yes, yes.
MERCEDES
Let's do it. Bring it in!
KURT
Oh, guys, I would kill to break out in song right now.
(Bastille's "Pompeii" begins)
RACHEL
Hello? Yes. Oh. No, yeah, th-thank you very much. Thank you. Okay. That was the network. They,
uh... they loved the script, and they want to make it into a pilot. I'm going to L.A.
BLAINE
What?
RACHEL
I'm going to L.A.! This is amazing! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Is this really
happening? Oh, my God, am I gonna be on TV? Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
(all shouting excitedly)
RACHEL
I can't believe it! Oh, my God! Oh, my God