ANDREW BARCLAY BLAINE DEVELOPMENT_EXECUTIVE FEMALE_DEVELOPMENT_EXECUTIVE JUNE KURT LEE MALE_CAB_DRIVER MALE_DEVELOPMENT_EXECUTIVE MERCEDES PROFESSOR RACHEL RAND REX SANTANA SIDNEY WENDY RACHEL Three weeks since opening, and I'm the toast of the town. Signatures at the stage door, across-the-board raves, and I don't want to jinx it, but there's even rumors of a Tony nomination. RACHEL Look! That homeless guy is sleeping on my face! New York really is where dreams come true. And now he'll wake up to find one of his dreams came true, too. And this is just the beginning. That's what my team told me when I signed with a top-five talent agency, ICA. RAND Whoa, whoa, whoa. There must be a mistake. This is Fanny Brice. I'm supposed to be meeting Rachel Berry. RACHEL Hi, Mr. Rivkin. RAND Rachel... we at Innovative Creative Artists are so excited RAND to go to work for you. We want to be in the Rachel Berry business. And I'm not just talking about me. I'm talking about your whole team. You got Mark and Matt and Sheila and Joe. Although they're not to be trusted, okay? I just... I'm your point person. I just want you to deal with me, okay? RACHEL Oh. Okay. RAND Okay, okay, great. So, let's talk about your future! RACHEL Yeah. RAND What does Rachel Berry want? Because... she can have it. RACHEL Well, um, I guess I want to have a good run with the show, I-I don't know, maybe parlay this into a movie career, or get onto a big hit TV show, so... RAND Uh-huh, great, great, great. Rachel, those are not for you. RACHEL What? RAND Have you ever heard the term, "a face for radio"? Rachel, you're a rare breed. I mean, you got talent coming out of your ears. But you got to remember something-- this is TV, okay? TV, the cameras, they're this close, okay? They see everything. RACHEL Yeah. RAND And movies, the same thing. It's this close, except this time... your face is on a gigantic screen, so that, for example-- and this is just a for-instance-- your nose is gonna be 40 feet tall. You got to ask yourself-- is this gonna work? And I think the answer is... no... it won't. Here's what I see for you. If we play our cards right, you could make a killing. You could be doing Fanny Brice for five, ten, I don't know, 15 years. Look at Topol. I mean, he's been doing Tevye for what, I don't know, what, forever? Okay? And we're all in agreement on this-- Matt and Mike and Sheila and Joe. Rachel, for you... the sky is the limit. But I don't want you talking to them, okay? I just want you to deal with me, all right? KURT Did you hear? The whole campus is abuzz. BLAINE It's drama school-- the students get abuzz when the snack machine runs out of gummi worms. KURT June Dolloway is coming! They're renaming the dance studio after her, and a select group of students have been asked to perform at the ribbon cutting. BLAINE I'm... sorry, I'm not familiar with all of the old Broadway stars we're supposed to worship. Who is that? KURT June Dolloway! She's not an actress. She's just, like, the coolest socialite in the world. She's the widow of Lester Dolloway, the mineral baron. Her picture's been taken by Helmut Newton. And she took peyote with Joe Kennedy-- allegedly. BLAINE Impressive. KURT Yeah, and she's pretty much the patron behind every artistic endeavor in Manhattan. BLAINE Well, we got to make sure you're picked as one of the performers. KURT I already was! BLAINE My God, Kurt, that's amazing. I'm so happy for you. KURT Yeah, I really want to do "Story of My Life" from One Direction. BLAINE That's a good song, but that's sung by five different people. How are you gonna sing all those layers as just one person? KURT Well, you'll be singing with me. Come on, we're a team. We're getting married. If something exciting happens to one of us, it happens to the other one, too. BLAINE Oh, I love you. Thank you. That'll be fun. Well, let's go rehearse. SANTANA What are you doing home so early? I thought that you'd be in the recording studio all day. MERCEDES Yeah, well, my producer just listened to the final cut of my album, and in his words "Didn't hear a single." Now he's worried that the label won't give it a release date. SANTANA Wait. What? And you're just gonna listen to these morons? MERCEDES You know, if I don't get backed by the label, that means that I won't get any promotion, which means I don't get any airplay, which means I'm just another no-hit wonder. SANTANA Well, you would, uh, still be doing a hell of a lot better than me. I would kill to be you right now, thinking about creating the perfect single to save my record deal. MERCEDES You know, maybe you can. SANTANA What are you talking about? MERCEDES No, no, Santana, I'm serious. Remember back in high school, every time we sang together, it was always magic. So... maybe you can help me find some of that again. BARCLAY Great job tonight, Rachel. RACHEL Thank you, Barclay. BARCLAY Remember to rest your voice. We've got two shows tomorrow. RACHEL All right. BARCLAY 46 down, 5,000 more to go. If we're lucky. Oh, knock on wood! Have a great night. RACHEL Thank you. RACHEL Barclay, could I just have five minutes to myself, please? Oh. I'm so sorry. LEE Hi, Rachel. So sorry to bother you. You were absolutely radiant tonight. I am such a fan. RACHEL Thank you so much. LEE Oh. Uh, Lee Paulblatt. RACHEL Hello. LEE Yes, I have been in love with Funny Girl since I was, like, seven. RACHEL A-Are you a friend of Paolo's? LEE No, no, no, no. Well, I mean, yes. We did a pilot with him a few years back. It was a train wreck. It's not Paolo's fault, but... Well, actually, it is. But no, I actually came here to see you. I'm, uh, Lee Paulblatt. I'm from Fox, the television company. RACHEL Oh. LEE Yeah. RACHEL Oh, okay. LEE Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just in New York for the up-fronts, and this is the show that I wanted to see. RACHEL Oh... LEE Actually, I wanted to see the Rachel Weisz- Daniel Craig Betrayal-- but that's an impossible ticket to get-- and there was this woman in this show that was just eating candy the entire time-- I wanted to punch her in the face-- but I enjoyed it, and you were wonderful. Rachel... I have got a pilot that I think you would be fantastic for. It's called Song of Solomon. I would love for you to come in to test for it. I think you would be perfect for it. I mean, I close my eyes, Rachel, and all I see is you in it. That's how powerful of an image that you created for me tonight up on that stage. God, I wish I had a singing voice. I don't. I'm not allowed to sing-- my mother said that-- because I have this... I digress. Does this sound like something that you would be interested in? RACHEL Yes. Of course! LEE Well, great. Well, we're gonna want you to read with our Solomon, but, uh, he is in the middle of shooting a feature. It's a terrible feature. I don't know why he's chosen to do it. But I am not his agent. So, we would need to do it next Tuesday in L.A. Does that work for you? RACHEL Um... no... Well, Tuesday I have a show, so... LEE Uh, actually, your understudy has a show on Tuesday. Ah, just fly out for Tuesday, we'll do the test, and then you can hop on the next flight back. Does that work for you? You know what? I'm gonna leave before you can say no. That's how I work. Bye. RACHEL Hey. This is for you. SIDNEY Oh, my God, it looks so good. RACHEL So, we're a hit? SIDNEY Oh, come on. You are so amazing up there! Amazing! SIDNEY We're gonna run forever. RACHEL Thank you, Sidney, and I really... I want to make you proud, it's just, um... I just, I think I'm feeling, you know, the wear and tear of the eight shows a week, and, I mean, I wouldn't want to get sick and miss a performance... SIDNEY Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no. You're not gonna... Put that... put that out of your head. You're not gonna get sick. Tell you what. I'm gonna call Dr. Sugarman, the best ENT in New York. He's gonna give you, um, a B12 drip, and also, um, shoot steroids down your throat. RACHEL Um, I mean, wouldn't it be easier for me to just, you know, take a show off? SIDNEY No, no, no, no. I mean, your understudy is beautiful, she is. You know, maybe if you, you know, if your head came off, or there was a... some kind of invasion of aliens in midtown Manhattan, maybe, maybe. You are the show, and the show must go on. SANTANA Where are you going with this... MERCEDES I'm going SANTANA That's what you asked me to do. MERCEDES No. Okay, listen. I'm not feeling it in here. D SHON Uh, we're on the clock, Mercedes. If you don't get this track down this week, you're gonna lose your release date. MERCEDES Here we go. SANTANA Okay, listen, didn't you say that you moved to New York so that you can get more of a New York vibe? Well, this... fish tank could be anywhere-- L.A., Lima, Lesbos. Maybe for your last song, you need to... get out from behind the glass. D SHON Well, Bruce Springsteen once put a drum set in an elevator to get a purer sound than in the studio. SANTANA Yeah. SANTANA Yeah. MERCEDES Oh, my God, D SHON, we need to get that sound in the studio. D SHON Oh, no, no. We're gonna record your last song down here in this dungeon. I mean, it's ballsy, but it's got that unique thing we were talking about. Mercedes Jones, you got yourself an album. RACHEL Kurt, this TV show is a huge opportunity. KURT All you've been talking about for years is getting on Broadway. Well, now you have. You've made it. You're that one-in-a-million girl who actually did it. RACHEL Look, every single person that works on Broadway wants to make it in TV or film. And if you think about it, some of Hollywood's greats were plucked from the stage. Hugh Jackman, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep. Meryl. KURT And how many of them quit their shows less than a month after opening night? RACHEL I'm not quitting. No w... I am not quitting, okay? It is, like, just an audition. I'm actually doing something really nice for my understudy. I'm just gonna, like, take a sick day. KURT You mean lie? RACHEL Look, if someone came to you at NYADA right now and asked you to audition for this TV show, tell me you would say no. KURT Fine. Go for it. RACHEL Thank you. KURT But just don't lie to Sidney Greene. You'd just be asking for more trouble. RACHEL Yes, hello, this is Rachel Berry. Uh, Berry. With a B. RACHEL Yes, hi, uh, I would just like to, uh, confirm my audition, please. PROFESSOR Good evening. Tonight, please welcome to our newly christened Dolloway Dance Lab, our guest of honor, Mrs. June Dolloway. KURT Oh, she's stunning. BLAINE Modern American royalty, look at her. PROFESSOR Two of our finest have been selected to perform for you. Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson. JUNE Oh, I want to thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love your youthful energy. KURT Oh, thank you. JUNE You know, I have a very discerning and tasteful eye for the extraordinary. And I love to hone it like a rough diamond until it sparkles. I have a good feeling about you. Would you be so kind as to escort me to the SoHo Center for Outsider Art next week? And then we can discuss your future over a $25,000 plate of rubber chicken. KURT Oh, my good... A-Absolutely. I would love to. I-I am your lump of coal. JUNE Mm. Not you, dear. BLAINE You. JUNE Sorry. BLAINE I tried to snake you an extra ticket. I just didn't have the 25 grand it would cost. I don't know, maybe I should just stay home with you and watch Scandal. KURT Would you stop it? I'm a little jealous, but I'm not resentful. All right? I-I'm genuinely happy for you. BLAINE I just feel like being one of June's projects is gonna take up a lot of time. I especially don't want a friend that's gonna keep me away from you. KURT Well, June isn't exactly a friend. BLAINE Yeah, you're probably right. How do I look? KURT Like Montgomery Clift. BLAINE What? KURT Before the accident. BLAINE Oh, thank you. KURT Try to have fun tonight, all right? And don't worry about me. Remember, whatever door June opens for you, I'll be right there next to you walking through it with you. You're taking one for the team. BLAINE I love you. BLAINE Who are all of these people? JUNE This is the one percent of one percent. Never have so many boring and rich people found themselves grouped together in such a space. BLAINE You know, it's funny, Kurt was just telling me that, uh, he thinks someone like you is too fabulous to have friends. JUNE No, I... My friends are why I'm fabulous. Andrew. This is Blaine. BLAINE Hi. JUNE Please. No, friends are everything. You are the company you keep. That is why, Blaine, if I'm gonna launch your career and make the world know who you are, we have to be friends. I have to know you, spend time with you, know what you like. It's the only way I can really serve you, you see. What-What is the take? REX Holding steady at two million. JUNE Two million? JUNE Has anybody told them the recession is over? REX I can't force them to give, June. JUNE No. Okay. We have to inspire them. BLAINE Um, where... where are you going? JUNE I'm gonna go earn our supper. Okay, everybody. Now, settle down. Now, you know that I've been to all of your events and I've written some pretty fat checks myself, correct? So tonight is your opportunity to return the favor. And when I say fat, I mean "Fatty Arbuckle fat." JUNE I-I don't mean fat as in your chubby first wife. Now, you're gonna get something for the money. Believe me. I have something special. Blaine, come up, please. I want to introduce you. Blaine Anderson. JUNE Blaine... Blaine here is my new discovery. And, as you all know, I'm never wrong. So... MERCEDES Look, they just want a great song from me, okay? They don't care how I give it to 'em. Just trust me. D SHON Hey. Did I get the days mixed up? I was expecting you tomorrow. MERCEDES Well, Santana and I were talking, and we were thinking... that that song we're looking for is a duet. And don't just say no, because we sounded great. D SHON On a Lauryn Hill song, yeah. But I liked the song we had. We just needed a new take on it, which is what we got. You, pure, raw, underground. MERCEDES Yeah, but the take that I want is a duet with me and my girl. D SHON Uh... look, Mercedes, I know this is your friend-- and you got something-- but this is your calling card. This is going to be your story. Introducing another voice, how do we sell that? MERCEDES Think Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. SANTANA Mercedes, I think that we should go. D SHON I'm just trying to protect you. MERCEDES But it's my album. D SHON Okay, look, if you're really into doing a duet, let me make some phone calls, let me call in some favors, let me get you with Katy, let me get you with Carly, let me get you with Alicia. Let me get you with someone more famous than you that can actually help you, and Santana can sing backup. And if everything goes like it's supposed to, then we revisit this on your follow-up album. SANTANA Yeah, you know what? I think that he's right. This is your big chance, and it should be all about you, you know? And I really appreciate what you tried to do for me here, but I know what I would do if I was in your position. I'm just not worth it. MERCEDES Santana... RACHEL Sidney... I know I said I would never miss a show, but... I just saw my doctor, and he said that I have the flu. SIDNEY The flu? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. RACHEL I know I was starting to feel run-down. SIDNEY Why does this always, always happen to me? I'm sorry. Do you think my understudy Wendy can do it? SIDNEY Well, if I have to, uh, I have to. But, uh, nobody can replace you, Rachala. You're my... you're my star, you're my show. RACHEL I-I'm gargling with a magical mouthwash, and-and I'm-I'm gonna dry up my sinuses with a humidifier, and I will do my absolute best to be better in 24 hours. LEE Ah. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Rachel Berry, who is taking Broadway by storm. RACHEL Hello. LEE Uh, this is Andrew Cosgrove. He is our Captain Solomon. RACHEL Hi. I'm Rachel Berry. Hi. LEE Rachel, you ready? RACHEL You bet. LEE Ah. RACHEL Hello. I'm Rachel Berry, and I will be singing the seminal Bette Midler classic, "The Rose." MALE DEVELOPMENT EXECUTIVE Excuse me? RACHEL Yes. DEVELOPMENT EXECUTIVE Uh, that was beautiful, um, but we-we really don't RACHEL Thank you. need you to sing. RACHEL Oh? FEMALE DEVELOPMENT EXECUTIVE Yeah, this show is not a musical. Did you not read the script? RACHEL I'm-I'm sorry. I-I didn't... I didn't get a script. I just saw the title, The Song of Solomon. LEE Oh, Rachel, that's my bad. I'm going to fire my assistant. Song of Solomon is a sci-fi space opera. RACHEL Oh. Okay. LEE Andrew here plays Captain Dax Anderss, uh, who pilots his ship, the Solomon, across the Andromeda Galaxy with, uh, Galadriel the Starmorian-- that's you-- RACHEL Okay. LEE searching for the Drax Flute, RACHEL Right. LEE which he needs to use to play a song implanted in his head by his father that he believes will open a wormhole back to his home planet. RACHEL Okay! Yeah. LEE Okay. MALE DEVELOPMENT EXECUTIVE It's sort of like Guardians of the Galaxy meets Game of Thrones. RACHEL Okay. FEMALE DEVELOPMENT EXECUTIVE With a strong Grey's Anatomy element. LEE Yeah. That's what mostly... really excited about that. RACHEL Great. Love that show. LEE Andrew, let's take it from, uh... Let's just try the first scene in the engine room, okay? RACHEL Great. Okay. ANDREW You gonna just stand there, or are you gonna pass me the warp-core? RACHEL Would you care to explain what went on back there? ANDREW Oh, don't play coy, Galadriel. You Starmorians may like to beat around the bush, but I always prefer a straight shooter. RACHEL Then let me be perfectly clear. I am not just some space trash you picked up in the Triangulum Sector. I am a princess of the royal house of... I'm sorry, Antrya... LEE Antyrexx, but make it your own. Stay in it. RACHEL Antyrexx. I'm just gonna pass by it. We'll talk about it later. LEE Okay. RACHEL I am not the last... Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I-I am the last Starmorian, and I will not risk my life and the future of my people because of some dream locked in your head and a flute... and a flute that will never avenge the destruction of my planet. ANDREW Lately, I've only dreamt of one thing. And that's doing this. Mmm. RACHEL Mmm. Okay, uh... next scene? LEE No, thank you so much, Rachel. So, so great. I think, uh... Yeah, I think that we've seen all we need to see. RACHEL Great. Thank you. LEE Hmm. RACHEL Okay. Oh, my God, I cannot believe it. That was seriously the worst audition ever. RACHEL What? SIDNEY Rachel. RACHEL Hi, Sidney. Look, before you say anything, I just... I felt really bad after our last conversation, and, you know, I want to reiterate to you my commitment to Broadway and to the show, and-and I wanted to tell you what-what an honor it is working for you and-and being in Funny Girl. And, you know, I was thinking about playing Fanny night after night after night, and I honestly... I just... it made me feel so much better. SIDNEY Oh, I'm so relieved. I'm so relieved to hear that, Rachel. Listen, um, your understudy today during rehearsal fell off the lip of the stage. You fell off the lip of the stage. WENDY Oh, no... SIDNEY Now, look, hydrate yourself, okay? And then come to the theater, 730. RACHEL Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Taxi? Taxi! Taxi! Take me to the airport! JUNE So I said to Prince Faisal, "What do you think this is, a quarter horse convention?" BLAINE I want to be you when I grow up. JUNE Why? What do you find so attractive? Tell me. Is it the fame? Is it the power? Is it the money? What is it? BLAINE No, it's-it's the life. I mean, how did you manage to find yourself in the center of all of it? JUNE You attract in what you put out. So if you put out charisma to every person you meet, the universe will see to it that it comes back to you. Because like attracts like. That's why I'm so in like with you. BLAINE Oh, my God. I just... I can't believe that you see me that way. JUNE Okay, so we're going to do a show, showcase your talent. It'll be the biggest event the whole year. BLAINE Thank you. Thank you so much. That-that's huge. JUNE I just want to shine a light on what the world should see. BLAINE Well, I-I would just have one request. I would love it if we could have Kurt in the show, too. We really want to do everything together, and I think that the world really needs to see his talent, too. JUNE No, I don't think the world needs to see that. BLAINE Well, then I-I don't think I could do it. JUNE Stop. Blaine, I've been in and out of love more times than you've had breakfast. I know you're not asking me this, but I am telling you. You should break off that engagement. BLAINE I love Kurt. JUNE Well, of course you do. I loved Richard Burton and Howard Hughes. So what? That's what we humans do. We fall in and out of love. We break each other's hearts. The first time, you always think it's the most important, but that isn't true. It's the test. So you have to make a decision. Are you gonna settle, or are you going to venture out into the unknown like a samurai, and realize your full, full potential? RACHEL Excuse me, sir. Why is there a traffic jam? MALE CAB DRIVER Because there's always a traffic jam. Interesting story. In 1950s, all the hot-shot automakers allegedly banded together and got rid of the trolley cars. And that's what inspired Who Framed Roger Rabbit? RACHEL Uh, I'm sorry. MALE CAB DRIVER Remember that? RACHEL Excuse me. I have to make a flight at the airport, 10 00 a.m. to New York. I have to make it. I'm in a Broadway show. I have to get there. MALE CAB DRIVER Yeah, not gonna happen. Hey, I'm an actor, too. I played a john on The Client List. RACHEL This seat belt is stuck. KURT Hey, girl. How's it going? RACHEL Oh, my God, Kurt, I am dead. I am so dead right now. Okay, Sidney is expecting me at the theater, and my understudy cannot get on, and-and I'm not gonna make it until after the curtain goes up. KURT Well, this is a disaster! You have to call Sidney right now and tell him the truth! RACHEL What? No! And-and ruin my TV and my Broadway career all at once? Kurt, you have to help me! Please! SANTANA What is that? MERCEDES It's a contract, and you need to sign it so that we can get to work on our duet. SANTANA Okay, you know what? You are literally insane. You need to take this contract, rip it up, apologize to D SHON and do that song by yourself. MERCEDES Listen, I want my album to be the best, and, Santana, you make me better. Rachel-- she's great, but we both know who the top bitches of that glee club were. SANTANA Point taken. MERCEDES And I want to help you. SANTANA Yeah, but, see, um, I think that I've proven that I'm not the world's best friend. MERCEDES You might be a work in progress, but I think you're worth the wait. SANTANA You know, this is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me. MERCEDES I know. I'm awesome, huh? KURT Do either of you look at your phone? Rachel is stuck in L.A., okay? We have to delay tonight's performance until she gets back. Okay, I'm thinking maybe like a bomb threat, or maybe like a bed bug scare, or... or maybe I run out in the lobby, and I'm, like, "Hey, Barbra's in the park, and she's doing a concert for free!" SANTANA Please stop. Just stop. All of your ideas are horrible. KURT Well, do you have a better one? Because, I mean, if Rachel doesn't get back in time, she could get fired! SANTANA No one is gonna get fired. And yes, I actually do have a better idea. BARCLAY Ooh! What a night, right? Hold that. Um, I didn't want to alarm you, but I didn't know who else to call. SIDNEY How is this possible? BARCLAY Um, she's right in there. SIDNEY What the hell are you doing here? SANTANA I'm going on as Fanny. SIDNEY I thought you quit. SANTANA I guess I could quit again if you want to spend the next couple of hours handing out refunds. SIDNEY Where's Rachel? SANTANA She's not here, but... I am, and trust me, Sidney, I've got this. RACHEL So, I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone by thanking you for keeping me from getting fired and humiliated by making sure the show wasn't canceled. SANTANA I cannot believe they didn't can you anyway. RACHEL Yeah, well, they still might. I e-mailed Rupert and Sidney and explained the whole situation to them, and all I got back was an e-mail saying that I had to come in for a mandatory meeting tomorrow. SANTANA You're so screwed. RACHEL Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't know. At least I'm not going to be, like, sued or anything for all of the tickets that they would have had to refund if the show had been canceled. SANTANA Don't sweat it. I had a blast, actually. I mean, that Broadway stuff is fun if you only have to do it once. So, what's the, uh, second bird? RACHEL Well, I mean, I wanted to see what you wanted in return. SANTANA Is that the kind of friend that you think that I am? Yeah. Okay. Look, I get it. I get how I could come off that way, but let's just use this as an example of the kind of friend that I'm trying to be now. RACHEL Okay. Well, why the sudden thawing of your icy heart? SANTANA Well, because I realized that the world is even colder than I am. You know, and the only thing that you can do to keep from freezing to death is have good friends around you to keep you warm. So, I decided that I want to use my bitch powers to protect the people that I care about. And I guess that means that I care about you. Don't tell anyone. RACHEL I won't. SANTANA Okay. RACHEL I made it in time for the second act, and you were really good. SANTANA Thanks. RACHEL I just can't believe I screwed it all up. I mean, I had everything, and all my dreams had come true, and I threw it away. And for what? Nothing. SANTANA Listen, I don't know what Sidney is going to do to you tomorrow. Maybe he'll fire you. I know I would. But I also know that you are the type of person that can't be held down. You're this huge talent. It's like Russell Crowe and Johnny Carson. No matter how awful you are, people are always gonna want to work with you. RACHEL That was kind of nice, I think, but... You're a really good friend, Santana. Oh, I'm gonna take this all for myself. KURT Finally, I get some alone time with you on the couch. I feel like I haven't seen you in days. BLAINE Well, you keep telling me never to say no to June. KURT Well, you never know who she might introduce you to who could help us in our careers. I mean, literally, all her friends are rich and famous. By the way, I'm upset with you. BLAINE Why? KURT Because you haven't filled me in on any of the gossip. You spend six hours a day with her, and I have yet to receive one text being, like, "Hey, I'm talking poverty with Bono," or-or tales of lunch at Balthazar with Karl Lagerfeld or Condi Rice. BLAINE It's not like that at all. It's-it's just me and June. KURT Well, is-is she being inappropriate? Because I draw a line. BLAINE What? No. Gross. Not at all. KURT Then what is it? BLAINE Um, well, we're, um, planning a... a show. It's just like a one-night-only showcase. KURT Oh, my God, that's amazing! Why didn't you tell me? BLAINE I just wanted to make sure that your part was more fleshed out. KURT I get to be in it?! But I-I thought she hated me. BLAINE Well, she doesn't hate you. KURT You're such a sweetheart! Oh, like, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the surprise. Oh, okay, I'm not gonna ask you anything else, but I am... I am dying to know what I'll be doing. Oh, I love you so much. BLAINE Oh. SIDNEY Rachel, have a seat. RACHEL Mr. Greene, I just... I really wanted to apologize for how everything turned out. SIDNEY Oh, please. It's okay. As you young people say, "I totally understand." RACHEL Really? SIDNEY Yeah. I mean, you wanted out of a performance, and I told you "no" in no uncertain terms. RACHEL Mr. Greene... SIDNEY Let me finish. You lied to me. You know, I'm disappointed. Now, I personally feel betrayed. But I'm not going to fire you. RACHEL Oh. Really? SIDNEY No. I wanted to fire you. I spent all day trying to fire you. I spoke to Rupert, the other investors, and they all agreed that you're an ambitious, irresponsible child. But what could we do? You're our star. We need you. RACHEL Well, Mr. Greene, I.... I know I made a mistake, but I had an opportunity come my way, and I just... I thought... SIDNEY Oh, yeah. you thought. I've seen this all the time, and let me tell you something, Miss Berry. You aren't some Broadway legend. If you ever pull something like this again, I will not only fire you; I will sue you back to the stone age for breach of contract. And you'll never be able to work on Broadway again. Your reputation... will not exist. Get the hell out of my office. RACHEL Hello? LEE Hi, Rachel. Lee Paulblatt. Yeah, I've got some bad news. As you're aware, that, uh, was not a great audition. There were some girls who just came in and knocked it out of the park, so, the bottom line is that, unfortunately, you did not get the part. RACHEL I know, Mr. Paulblatt. Thank you for the opportunity. LEE But I've also got some good news. Rachel, I mean, clearly, Song of Solomon was not the right project for you. But when I said that you were a once-in-a-generation talent, I meant it, which is why I want to give you a development deal. RACHEL Are you serious? I don't... I don't even know what that means. LEE We want to create a TV show around you, Rachel. We don't know what it is, but, uh, oh, we'll figure that out. RACHEL Are you serious? LEE Yes, Rachel, I am serious. I've got a writer in mind I want to pair you with. You don't even have to leave New York. We're sending her to you. RACHEL Mr. Paulblatt, I... I.. I-I don't even know what to say. LEE Just say thank you. Congrats, Rachel. Celebrate with your friends. We'll be in touch.