ANNIE BARRY CAPTAIN_LAFREY CLAIRE CONCIERGE DAD EMERGENCY_OPERATOR GUARD INSTRUCTOR KEITH LEROY MAX NATALIE NURSE PETE SHANNON MAX So, I got some great news from LaFrey this morning. Any guesses? I'll give you a hint. Take my wife, please. LEROY What are you doing? MAX What? LEROY This is why you're not allowed to take weapons in the field. MAX Anyway, I'm gonna get to see my wife soon. She's being transferred to a nearby mental facility. LEROY How do you think that's gonna go? MAX What do you mean? Great. It's going to be intense. But it'll be, it'll be, it'll be great. What about you, though? I just realized, you know, I'm always talking about my love life, but I've never once had the chance to ask you about yours. Do you have a girlfriend? Have you ever been married? Have you ever been in love? Just so you know, this isn't gonna stop, Leroy. LEROY My last girlfriend, Tanya, and I were together for a while. We broke up a few years ago and I haven't dated much since. MAX Have you tried getting back together? LEROY What? No. Anyways, all she ever wants to do is karaoke. Like every weekend. And she always sang the same song, "Walking in Memphis." MAX This song? Yeah yeah yeah. I-I totally remember this. I had a. Leroy? Leroy. Hello Leroy! LEROY Dude, what is wrong with you? MAX What? Snap out of it, man. LEROY Turn that song off. MAX You're like in a trance or something. LEROY Anyway, she just got engaged, saw it on Facebook. MAX Oh man, I'm sorry. LEROY Dude, I could care less. MAX Oh man, gross. Beginner's luck. So sorry. CAPTAIN LAFREY Listen up. A man's body was just found at a resort in Tampa called "Whispers." BARRY Ooh, "Whispers." I wonder what they're whispering about. I bet it's like, "Wanna see my butt?" MAX Dooge. CAPTAIN LAFREY His autopsy revealed something strange. His heart was missing. But there was no incision. LEROY Do you have any suspects? CAPTAIN LAFREY Yes. Keith Jorgenson. The photographer at the resort. Now there was a similar murder six years ago at a resort in Hawaii. Keith Jorgenson was also living there at the time, but he was working as a surgeon. ANNIE Who would leave Hawaii to go to Florida? Florida is for people who don't know about Hawaii. BARRY I don't know. It sounds like a guy who wanted to follow his passion. Someone who was sick and tired of being told what he should do with his life. Somebody who stood up and said. I-I love me. LEROY Or a skilled organ thief. BARRY I'm switching my guess to Leroy's. MAX Well, hold on now, th-there was no incision, so I think we have to at least be open to the possibility that this could be something bigger. CAPTAIN LAFREY Which is exactly why it's your job to figure it out. Let's get to work. BARRY Ooh, TripAdvisor says that the guacamole making class at Whispers is a "must do." MAX Oh. Leroy, write that down. LEROY No we won't be doing that. MAX Hey, Leroy. It's me. Just kidding man, it's me. LEROY What's that? MAX Uh, this? It's just an old bachelor party tradition. LEROY Bachelor party? MAX That's right. Listen. Our cover story is my bachelor party. LEROY You know bachelor parties are usually like 12 dudes. MAX Not true. See, my actual bachelor party was just me and my friend Rory. I mean, he did end up having to cancel at the last minute, and I went by myself, but it's nothing. LEROY You had a solo bachelor party? MAX Hey, Leroy, you know what? Since my lady is coming back, we should find someone for you. LEROY I'm good. MAX I'm serious, man. Come on. Hey, what about her? LEROY The lady with her husband and toddler? MAX Yeah. LEROY No. MAX All right. Just getting used to your taste here. Hey, look at her. She's a cop. She's probably here on the same case. She like, "Hey, I like to solve crimes." And you can be like, "Yeah, I like to solve crimes, too." And then you like lick each other's faces. LEROY I'd rather just focus on the case. CONCIERGE Welcome to Whispers. Checking in? MAX Yes, uh, reservation under "Bachelor"? We're the Bachelor party. That's not only my name, Mitch Bachelor, but we're also here for my bachelor party. CONCIERGE Sounds fun. LEROY No, it doesn't. MAX Oh, also, we, uh booked a photo session, I think with Keith? CONCIERGE And, uh, how many guys should I say are coming? 12? 14? MAX No, just us. Is there a problem? CONCIERGE No. BARRY I've been using this new, uh, coconut oil. And my hands feel like an ancient river pebble. Here, have a touch. ANNIE Ew! No, it hasn't even absorbed yet. You're dripping. CAPTAIN LAFREY I have an assignment for you two. I need surveillance on a very important target and I need it to be kept discrete. ANNIE Isn't this your daughter? CAPTAIN LAFREY Shannon turned 13 and suddenly thinks that she can outsmart her mother. Well I am going to show her that she is sorely mistaken. BARRY Yeah, because you can't outsmart mothers. Mothers are the smartest. CAPTAIN LAFREY Last night, without warning, I was blocked from all social media. Her last post was "hashtag Doug O'Clock." I need to know what that means. Who is Doug? What the hell is Doug O'Clock? And what exactly happens at that time? Good luck. BARRY Whew. LEROY I can't believe you bought me a linen outfit. I don't like when my clothes billow. MAX Yeah, but it looks great. LEROY Might as well be wearing the wind. KEITH Hey guys, I'm Keith. And you are the "Bachelor bachelor party"? MAX That's right. I'm Mitch Bachelor. And this.is Tito. LEROY Hey. I'm Tito. KEITH So, I don't know if they told you but I shoot everything on film. I'm a bit of a "formalist," so none of this digital crap. So What are we thinking here? MAX Oh, uh, I don't know, I guess I was just thinking some regular old "friends hanging out at bachelor party" poses. KEITH Right. Right. And is the rest of the group coming or. MAX No, no it's just us. Me and Teets. KEITH Huh. Well, this is gonna be gorgeous. Let's, uh, let's get into it. Yeah. Let's get loose. MAX Loosey-goosey. KEITH Holding a cold one. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, there we go. Holding a cold one. Yeah. MAX KEITH How 'bout some surfing? Ooh, I got a couple of goofballs on my hands. LEROY Max, I'm gonna kill you. MAX Oh, there goes a shark. KEITH Uh oh, careful! LEROY Oh! MAX Uh! Oh no! KEITH You're gonna need a bigger surfboard. Oh, you guys feeling like rock 'n' rollers? Yeah, Coldplay in the house. MAX Yeah. Yeah. KEITH Yeah. MAX Hey, Keith, you always been a photographer or? KEITH Uh, no actually, you know I used to do something else. Back in Hawaii I was just a surgeon. MAX I wonder who would give up being a doctor to be a resort photographer. Just curious. KEITH Well, I would, when I realized that photography was my passion. Now, uh, ooh, that's great. How 'bout this? Jump up in the air and high-five each other. There we go. Uh oh LEROY So Tampa's a big change from Hawaii. You running from somebody? KEITH Uh, think I got everything I need. Thanks, guys. LEROY Hey, Keith. Where were you last Wednesday night? KEITH I was in a session. Now you can pick up your photos tomorrow at the concierge. LEROY Hey, wait a second. MAX Whoa. I had a bunch more poses I wanted to try, too. INSTRUCTOR Once your avocado is nice and smooth, it's time to season the guac, and this is where you can have a little fun personalizing it. LEROY I checked the surveillance tape. Keith lied to us. There was no photo shoot on Wednesday. MAX Okay. Just keep your voice down. We can't talk about that here. LEROY I agree, but since you made us come here, I'm gonna talk about it. MAX I didn't make us. I mean, we had to. It's part of the package. Believe me, I don't wanna be here either. You going hot-medium or medium-mild? LEROY Like, normal. MAX 'Cause, I was thinking about going hot-medium, but if that's out of your range, I am happy to go medium-mild. Just do me a favor and don't go hot-hot, because then I can't even try it. What is that? EMERGENCY OPERATOR LEROY Whoa. It's a body. MAX Hey. There's your cop. Let's go talk to her. LEROY Wait, Max! MAX Hey, uh, so what's the story with the vic. NATALIE Back up. This is an active crime scene. Behind the yellow tape, please, thanks. MAX It's actually okay, my friend here's a cop. LAPD. And I'm a courtroom sketch artist. So I know a lot about murders and stuff, so it's no biggie. NATALIE Well, I gotta get back to the crime scene, but if I, uh, if I need a caricature of myself in a mermaid costume, I' I’ll come find you guys. MAX Whatever. Oh my God, Leroy, look. LEROY Damn, that's Keith. MAX How are we gonna get our photos? MAX Okay, so, Keith wasn't our guy, but obviously he knows something about the murders. LEROY Enough to get him killed. We need to find out what he knew. MAX Yeah, but first, uh, why don't we take a chardonnay break? Huh? You deserve it. Uh, Officer, or Natalie is it? Boy, crazy murder today, huh? NATALIE I told you I-I can't talk about an investigation with a civilian. MAX Okay, well, then uh, why don't the three of us just grab a drink, and we'll talk about your boyfriend or husband, sorry which is it? NATALIE Not super subtle, is he? LEROY Honestly, I just met him at the airport, and now he follows me around. NATALIE All right. One drink. MAX Great. Yeah. We'd love to join you except for me, I'm very sick. NATALIE LEROY Sorry 'bout that. NATALIE So, do you always need someone else to do the talking for ya? LEROY No. No, no, no, no. Believe me, I can be incredibly charming, if I so choose. NATALIE You're lucky I let you sit down. LEROY No, oh, I know. MAX Huh, these are nice. NATALIE LEROY I mean, what is the purpose of this? Like, why would he want this? NATALIE I don't know, it's kinda fun. I'm with him. LEROY What? NATALIE Yeah, why not? LEROY Oh, you sell me out already. NATALIE You should get one. LEROY Ugh, I don't think so. NATALIE MAX Uh, Bali. Hawaii. Tampa. LEROY Hey. What happened out there with that body anyway? I heard they found a guy here last week with his heart missing. NATALIE Yeah. Same thing. Heart gone, no scar. BARRY It's the Sumerian symbol for smoke. It is often used in stories of a demon who takes different forms. NATALIE Do you have a balcony in your room? Maybe we just have another drink? Stare out at the ocean? LEROY Personally, I find the ocean disgusting. BARRY She seduces men by putting them in a hypnotic trance state and then absorbing their life force. MAX Like stealing their hearts. BARRY No. Maybe. LEROY I will have another drink though. NATALIE Yeah? LEROY Mm-hmm. MAX Leroy. MAX My friend, my-my friend that was there, do you-do you know where he is? PETE Oh, he just left. He was with a woman. MAX Yeah. Where did they go? PETE I don't know, but when they left they were tipsy. Do you still want the waiters to sing "Happy Bachelor Party" when they bring the churros out? MAX That is so not important right now. But yes, we will be back for the churros later, and we definitely want that song. Okay? Thank you so much. PETE Yeah. ANNIE I mean, we are some of the most highly trained agents at the Bureau and we are babysitting two teenagers on a date. BARRY Oh, come on, what's more important than the mission of a mother's love? I know my four mothers would've done anything for me. ANNIE You have four mothers? BARRY Yeah. Mom, Mum, Mummy, and Lynn. It's a long story, it involves a few remarriages and a whole bunch of lesbians. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's happening? ANNIE Oh. Uh, which one is Shannon? BARRY I don't know. I didn't see them enter. I was arguing with you. ANNIE Well, what's happening? Which one do I follow? Where is she? CAPTAIN LAFREY All right, what is the latest? BARRY Everything’s great. What's new with you? What's your weekend look like? CAPTAIN LAFREY Where is she? Where is she? NATALIE Oh. LEROY Hold up, one second. MAX Leroy, Leroy. I need to talk to you. LEROY Sock on the door, Max. Sock on the door. MAX Uh, room service. DAD We didn't order any. MAX Hi folks. I'm not crazy, there's a succubus next door. Oh, and you really should try the guacamole class. It's terrific. Ah! MAX Oh, my God! Leroy! Leroy! Listen to me. She is a succubus, okay? She is going to draw you in, she is going to seduce you, and she's going to take your heart out of your body. LEROY Max, what are you doing? Didn't you see the sock? MAX No, Leroy, you need to listen to me. She is going to kill you. LEROY Are you listening to yourself? You sound ridiculous. MAX All of the killers are the same woman. She changes shape but the tattoo stays the same. Let me see your tattoos. NATALIE What? These? MAX Yes. Those. Check these out, Leroy, look. NATALIE LEROY Max, would you get off of her. MAX Where did you get these? Where did you get these? LEROY Get away from her. NATALIE I got them when I was on spring break 15 years ago. MAX You're a li-- She is lying right now. LEROY Max, that's enough. NATALIE So many girls have these tattoos. I saw one on Blake Lively's blog. I think they're Chinese, I don't even know what they mean. MAX No, no, no, they’re Sumerian for smoke. I saw it. Down in Keith's room. He has a whole room full of evidence. NATALIE Keith Jorgenson was a recovering drug addict. Why do you think he had to stop being a surgeon? MAX Because photography was his passion? NATALIE Listen, I-I think I should go. This is this is. LEROY No. No, no, no, you should stay. Max, you just leaving, right? MAX Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you guys. LEROY What is wrong with you? MAX Hold on. You know, it just occurred to me, Blake Lively's blog, it didn't start ‘til 2014. LEROY Why would you know that? NATALIE You just couldn't leave. MAX Leroy, look. Leroy, look. Look, look. Leroy. NATALIE Kill Max. MAX Leroy. Leroy! NATALIE Kill him now. LEROY I should kill Max. MAX What are-what are you doing? Leroy. She-she's got you...under a spell. Leroy. Leroy. You have to wake up. Put on my blue suede shoes And I boarded a plane Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues In the middle of the pouring rain MAX W.C. Handy, won't you look down over me MAX That's right. MAX Yeah I got a first class ticket MAX Yeah I got a first class ticket MAX Yeah, yeah. MAX But I'm as blue as a boy can be Then I'm walking in Memphis Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale Walking in Memphis But do I really feel the way I feel NATALIE MAX Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa-Oh! NATALIE LEROY MAX Gah, uh! NATALIE MAX NATALIE LEROY Where the hell did she go? ANNIE We are so, so sorry. We did not mean to lose your daughter. BARRY And it's so unlikely she'd be dead by now. CAPTAIN LAFREY I don't want to hear it. I just want. SHANNON Hello, Mother. Did you and your flunkies have a fun time stalking me today? BARRY I had no idea what we were dealing with. SHANNON Do you really have no respect for me? CAPTAIN LAFREY Well. ANNIE Listen, Shannon. When I was in the ninth grade, I ran away to Nicaragua for five days and my mom didn't even notice, 'cause she was busy throwing herself a weeklong birthday party. She called it "Bitsy's Bash," and the theme was cocaine. Look, I am sorry that we were spying on you today. But you need to realize how lucky you are. Your mom only did this because she loves you. CAPTAIN LAFREY I just wanted to know who Doug O'Clock was. I mean, is that your boyfriend or. SHANNON What? No. We call him Doug O'Clock because he wears an actual wristwatch like a throwback old person. BARRY Oh. Old people are so lame. CAPTAIN LAFREY Look I.I'm sorry, sweetie. I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to trust you more. Please don't shut me out. SHANNON Well, I guess I can let you in on some stuff. But just boys and school. Not horrible stuff Dad says about you. CAPTAIN LAFREY Okay. Thank you. BARRY You're welcome. LEROY I think you might've kicked a lady off a balcony. MAX It was a succubus. Not a lady. It wasn't a lady. ANNIE Um Just got a call from St. Mary's. MAX What's that? CAPTAIN LAFREY It's your wife. You can see her now. MAX Leroy, listen. I haven't exactly been honest with you about, um, my wife and stuff. Things weren't exactly great between us when she disappeared. So I don't really know what I'm walking into here. I don't know, I just, I-I had to tell you that for some reason. LEROY Actually, i wasn't completely honest with you either. About Tanya. MAX Oh. LEROY The truth is, I loved her. So I proposed, but she said no. MAX Oh, dude. LEROY It gets worse. I did it at Dodger Stadium. On the jumbotron. MAX Oh, wow. LEROY And the jumbotron guy, he wouldn't cut away. He just he just hung there on me, just sobbing. MAX Oh, jeez. LEROY It ended up going viral. They put techno music under it. MAX Of course they did. I think I remember that one. LEROY Yeah. But I don't regret being in love with her. I don't regret asking her to marry me. I do regret hiding the ring in a chili dog. MAX Of course. NURSE Max Jennifer? She's ready. MAX Hi. Uh, Claire. Hi. Hey. CLAIRE Oh, my God. MAX I feel like I've I-I- I have, uh, so much. I wanna. CLAIRE Yeah. Yeah. This is weird. MAX Yeah. CLAIRE It'd be nice if we had, like, some privacy, maybe. MAX Yeah. CLAIRE Do you think? MAX Yeah. Hey, uh sorry, do you- w-would you mind, uh, giving us a couple minutes? GUARD I'll be right outside. MAX He seems like a barrel of laughs. CLAIRE Yeah, he's the nicer one. MAX Listen, I-I-I don't want to rush you or anything but I have to know. Wh-what happened that night? Because for me, it was just, like, this flash of light, and-and I woke up hours later. I have to know. CLAIRE Hm? MAX Were you abducted? CLAIRE Do not look for me. MAX What?