ALL ASSISTANT_DIRECTOR BOB BOTH CARRIE COSTUME_DESIGNER CREW_MEMBER CREW_MEMBER_2 CREW_MEMBER_3 CREW_MEMBER_4 CY_FEUER DANCER DANCERS DANCER_2 DANCER_3 DANCE_STUDENTS FANDANGO_GIRL FANDANGO_GIRLS FRED_WEAVER GERDE GROUP GWEN HAL HANNAH JANE JOAN_SIMON KARIN LIZA LIZA_MINNELLI MAN NEIL NICOLE PADDY PATRONS PAUL PEOPLE PROSTITUTES ROBERT_SURTEES ROGER SANDY SHIRLEY_MACLAINE SONG TOM WENDY WOMAN BOB You're a little early. It isn't time yet. BOB That's it. That's nice. Then the hand. GWEN As I'm stepping back? BOB Yeah. Hmm. That wasn't it. GWEN Well, take it up with the choreographer. It was his idea, not mine. BOB Do we fire him? GWEN Oh, give the man another shot. He's still learning. BOB Break the legs? GWEN Or this? BOB Yeah, that's nice. Show me the reverse? Yeah. Yours was better. Let's do it again. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Dancers to set. Standby. CREW MEMBER Bring it over here. We’re re-blocking. BOB Why are you standing like that? DANCER I thought this was my position. BOB Yeah, w-why is the character you're playing putting all of her weight on the bannister like that? DANCER The choreography. GWEN How long have you been dancing in those heels tonight? Five hours, maybe. BOB Six, at least. GWEN Six. DANCER 2 Hey, mister, can I talk to you for a minute? DANCER 3 Got a cigarette for me, mister, huh? GWEN All you want to do is sit down. I mean, it is all you can think about. You close your eyes, you see love seats, armchairs, church pews, subway benches... BOB But you got a problem. The manager's watching. You ca--You can't sit down in the middle of your shift. GWEN Got that little boy at home, doesn't she? BOB Yeah. GWEN Depending on that paycheck. GWEN Maybe if you can shift your weight off your heels, onto the bannister, just maybe you can make it through one more dance. BOB Yeah. Excuse me. SHIRLEY MACLAINE BOB Hey, Shirley. How are you? SHIRLEY MACLAINE Oh. Good. I feel lucky I can still walk after yesterday's rehearsal. She's a taskmaster, this one. GWEN Oh. Well, I learned from the best. BOB Need her in one piece today, Gwen. SHIRLEY MACLAINE BOB Hey, I need to talk to you for a second. SHIRLEY MACLAINE Yeah. BOB Uh, you want to get a cup of coffee... GWEN Girls. GWEN When you're walking backwards, and you roll the shoulder, it's not a seduction, it's a con job. DANCERS GWEN Now, he doesn't know that, so... shh... BOB Can you freeze right there, ladies? It's got to be tighter. I need it tighter. I want to see their sweat. I want to see the-the spot where they missed their foundation. ROBERT SURTEES They're too crowded together. If you come in tight, you're going to ruin the composition. GWEN Cut one of the dancers. BOB Yeah? GWEN You want more room. BOB Yeah. Which one? GWEN The girl on the end. BOB Okay. GWEN Sweetheart? BOB We're re-blocking. DANCERS BOB Okay, stop. Hold it right there. ROGER I need you to get through to him, Gwen. The studio is adamant. Charity under no circumstances can use the expression "up yours." It-It-It-It-It's obscene. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Quiet, please. GWEN Can I tell you what I do when I'm nervous? I take three deep breaths. In and out. In and out. In. ROGER GWEN And out. Better, isn't it? BOB We're gonna have to lose another dancer. We have to lose another dancer. Yeah. We have to re-block. We're re-blocking. GWEN In and out. BOB Everybody, we're re-blocking. BOB Carrie? Sorry. We're gonna, we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to lose you. Okay? I'm so sorry. We're gonna find another spot for you, all right? PEOPLE CREW MEMBER Mark. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Quiet, please. CREW MEMBER 2 Picture’s up, everybody! ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Standby. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Speed seven. Take one. Roll camera. CREW MEMBER Mark. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Rolling! CREW MEMBER 2 Rolling! CREW MEMBER 3 Rolling! CREW MEMBER 4 Playback. FANDANGO GIRLS FANDANGO GIRL How's about it, palsy? FANDANGO GIRLS Yeah. BOB Cut. CREW MEMBER Cutting. CREW MEMBER 2 Cut. PEOPLE BOB Okay. Let's move on. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Check the gate. BOB Okay, girls. Nice. CREW MEMBER Gate’s clear. Moving on. GWEN Oh, Liz and I wanted to tell you. Nicole and I stopped by the Ziegfeld on our way home. BOB Mm. GWEN There were people lined up all the way down to Seventh Avenue to buy tickets. BOB Maybe they were there to see The Love Bug. GWEN Stop. The Ziegfeld only has one screen and you know it. BOB Well, but do they know that? GWEN Well, I didn't ask them. BOB Is that new? GWEN Yeah, I made it. Do you like it? Can you zip me? You're going in the wrong direction. BOB Am I? GWEN Our guests will be here in five minutes. BOB It's always good to... keep your audience waiting. SONG PEOPLE BOB Hey. Okay now, it's your bedtime. Okay? Thank you. PADDY Yeah, Neil understands what I'm saying. Listen to me, you're gonna be absolutely insufferable now that you're a hotshot Hollywood director, right? NEIL Yeah, next thing you know, he's gonna show up at the Carnegie Deli wearing a beret. BOB I made one film. One film. PADDY Oh, it's worse than I thought. He's already calling his movie a “film.” NEIL PADDY My God, somebody put him out of his misery already. Listen to him. BOB This from Paddy Chayefsky, the most pretentious son of a bitch on the planet earth. PADDY I never said I wasn't! BOB I've got my hands over my head. I say, “Officer, this is all a big misunderstanding. I'm-I'm Bob Fosse.” He says, “Who?” PEOPLE GWEN Do you know how many times he's told this story? It happened 15 years ago. BOB The guy is convinced he's caught some pervert trying to break into Gwen Verdon's rehearsal room for God knows what kind of sordid purpose. GWEN Which, to be fair, was not entirely untrue. PEOPLE BOB Well, touché. I finally come out with it and I say, “Officer, give me a break. I'm Gwen Verdon's husband. I'm her husband.” GWEN And the poor kid, he turns bright red, and says, “Well, gee, why in the world didn't you say so in the first place, Mr. Verdon?” BOB PEOPLE HAL I'm busy directing Steve's new musical. GWEN Am I the only one who liked the last one that he did with Dick? BOB Yes. HAL I think so. GWEN Oh. BOB What's this one about? HAL A single guy who can't hold down a relationship. His married friends all want him to get married, even though they're all miserable. BOB Ah. I'm on the edge of my seat. HAL You know, I bet Cy is still looking for somebody to do Cabaret, if you're interested. GWEN No. BOB My book's already starting to fill up. HAL Oh, Bobby's too big-time now to do a little art musical. BOB I didn't say that, I didn't say that. I just, uh... HAL What are you working on these days, Gwen? Tell me. GWEN Uh. W-Well, uh, Bobby and I have just been so busy getting this movie... WENDY The best picture of the year, Bobby. BOB Oh. Thanks, sweetheart. WENDY It's a masterpiece. BOB Thank you, thanks, sweetheart. WENDY So when are you gonna cast me in a movie, Bobby? BOB Uh... next one. Next one. WENDY So, I'm going to remember you said that. BOB All right. All right, nice to see you. GWEN Some--A change of pace... slower pace... HAL Okay… BOB Anyone want another drink? JOAN SIMON Now I'm only gonna say this once and then I will never, ever say it again. GWEN Please just don't. JOAN SIMON It should have been you. GWEN Okay, well, I'm glad that you got it out of your system. JOAN SIMON Now, I might be a little bit buzzed... GWEN I think so, maybe. JOAN SIMON ...but Shirley MacLaine? GWEN Oh, stop. JOAN SIMON Bobby never should have replaced you. Charity was your show. GWEN Shirley was cast before Bobby was even hired. You know, the only reason he got the job was because Shirley told the studio she wouldn't do it without him. JOAN SIMON Be that as it may, you were the best thing about that show. And my husband wrote it. GWEN Stop. BOB Ladies and germs. Ladies and degenerates. May I present, Mr. Bob Fosse. PEOPLE Aw... / WOMAN Oh, she’s the cutest. PEOPLE BOB Hey. NICOLE Once more from the top. PEOPLE BOB Here, try that. GWEN Oh, no. NICOLE Once more from the top. BOB PEOPLE PADDY Dead ringer. BOB God help me, I've got two actresses in the family now. SONG BOB Apparently, we-we broke a record. It's record-breaking. Yes. Ah... No, I haven't heard from the studio. What are they gonna say? Thanks for losing... 20 million bucks? Eh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be okay. It's only a movie. Right? It's just a movie. All right. Okay. See you later. GWEN Bobby... BOB There she is. GWEN It's 300 in the morning. Come to bed with me. Come. You must be tired. BOB I knew it wasn't gonna be any good. Uh... GWEN Stop it. That's not true. BOB Yeah, as soon as I saw the set that... they turned Times Square into the... a Disney cartoon. GWEN You made the movie that the studio hired you to make. I don't know what else could you... BOB You read the reviews? GWEN Yes, I read Variety and it is a rave. BOB You see the Times? GWEN I read The Hollywood Reporter. I mean, they couldn't get over how much they loved it. BOB Right, Hollywood...“Sweet Charity is a movie haunted by the presence of an unseen star, Gwen Verdon.” GWEN Oh. Well, that's ridiculous. BOB “Although Miss MacLaine often looks like Miss Verdon, she never succeeds in recreating the eccentric line that gave cohesion to the original.” GWEN Why are you reading this? I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. BOB You're the star. And you're not even in the movie. GWEN Bob, stop. BOB GWEN I'm going to bed, I love you. BOB No, come on. Let's read some more reviews. Let's read The Chicago Tribune. This is a doozy. BOB FRED WEAVER Don't show me the effort, Bobby. Don't show me the sweat. All I want to see is that smile. Again from the top. A-five, six, seven, eight. CY FEUER Yeah, well, that one came together, I mean... BOB Yeah. CY FEUER ...i-it was tough at first. But the book was spectacular, th-the score was great and your work was--the, the choreography was brilliant. But that was, uh, that was a beauty. BOB Yeah. Yeah. CY FEUER That... Bob, we had some good times on that show, the two of us. BOB Nearly killed me, but, uh, putting that aside, you know... CY FEUER Hey. Name one show of yours that didn't nearly kill you, Bobby. BOB What's, uh, what's keeping you busy these days? CY FEUER I got, uh, got a movie I'm shooting next year. BOB That's, uh, Cabaret, right? I heard you were doing the adaptation. I loved the show. I loved it. CY FEUER What's not to love? You got homosexuals, Nazis, Jews. It's got all the makings of a real blockbuster. BOB You have a director? Now I haven't gotten around to Nazis, but Jews and homosexuals are a specialty of mine. And I could do the steps, too. You know, you're gonna need a choreographer, anyway. CY FEUER I didn't, I didn't know you were interested. BOB I'm very interested. CY FEUER In this film, specifically? BOB What else would I be interested in? CY FEUER A job. Well, what about, what about Gwen? Would... BOB Uh... CY FEUER Would she be involved, too? BOB Would... I'm sorry? CY FEUER If I can tell the studio I got Bobby and Gwen, that's-that's a real draw. BOB Gwen's got a-a lot of other commitments. I'm not sure she-she... could fit it into her schedule, but... CY FEUER Well--You know what, listen, Bobby, I'm, I'm just producing. Manny Wolf at the studio, h-h-he's the one choosing the director. But I'll put in a good word, though. BOB I'll go ahead and give him a call, too, j-just to, just to introduce myself. CY FEUER The fact of the matter is, I'm not sure this is your kind of movie. This is a, it's an intimate musical drama. It's an adult picture. What you do, and what you do really well, is... style... Flash. But this movie, this is... I think it needs a-a-a different touch. Yeah? BOB Right. Yeah. CY FEUER Okay. Well, listen, uh... I'm just--I'm so glad we got a chance to catch up... BOB Did you serve, Cy? CY FEUER Did I serve? BOB I was in the Navy. I was, actually, I was in a special entertainment unit. We had a little show we did all over the South Pacific. Bases, hospitals. These guys in there, they were my age, they were kids. 19, 20. One of them, he was 17, fudged his age to the draft board. One side of his face was blown off. Another kid, he was burned up so bad, they had to pump him full of morphine. Otherwise, they said, all he would do was scream. There I was, up on stage. In tap shoes. Big, shit-eating smile. And we pulled out all the tricks. One-footed wings, double pickups. “Flash,” you could call it. Out there, there's a war going on. Bodies piling up. But in here? We're dancing. Just don't look too close at the kids in the audience, missing arms, missing legs, and you'll have a grand time. What good is sitting alone in your room, Cy? Come hear the music play. Life is a cabaret, old chum. I'm the director for this movie, Cy. I'm the guy. I'm the guy. I'm sure of it. CY FEUER Like I said, I'll put in a good word with Manny. All right, yes? BOB Okay. CY FEUER Let me talk to him first. BOB Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. CY FEUER Patience, Bobby. Okay? BOB Yeah. All right. BOB Hi. JANE Hi. BOB I'm, uh, I'm Bob Fosse. Uh... JANE Um, okay. Do you... BOB I didn't catch your name. JANE It's-It's Jane. BOB Jane. You have a terrific smile, Jane. Terrific eyes, yeah. JANE BOB I'm here to see, uh, Manny Wolf. JANE Is he exp--Is he expecting you? BOB Um... No, Jane. No, he is not. GWEN Oh, well, when was the last time that we asked about the rights to Chicago? Heels are glued to the floor. Well, I just think that it would be a perfect fit for both of us. Bob Fosse and Gwen Verdon back together on Broadway. I-I think it could be a huge draw, Sam. Lift all the way from the hips. Well, I'm sorry, but a musical with some commercial appeal wouldn't be the end of the world. We haven't had a hit in three years. BOB Is that Sam? GWEN I better run. Good talking, buh-bye. Bye. Nicole has been practicing her routine all afternoon. Look at this, look. Look, look. She can't wait to show you. BOB You're calling my agent? GWEN Oh-Oh, no. We were just chatting. BOB You knew I wouldn't get the job. GWEN I'm sorry. I'm sorry. BOB Covering all your bases, huh? GWEN What did he say? BOB Uh... he said, um, I'm hired. GWEN You... You son of a bitch. Oh, God, you had me scared to death. BOB Liza Minnelli's playing Sally. GWEN Can she act? BOB Well, we'll find out, right? We're making a movie. PEOPLE DANCERS Hi, Bobby. / Hi, Bob. BOB Oh, hey, everybody's here. WOMAN Hi, Bobby. MAN Hi, Bobby. BOB You got some energy? MAN Lots of it. BOB Save some. Hey. WOMAN Hi. BOB Good to see you, you look great. Easy on that lager, fellas. It's a work night. Nacht arbeiten or whatever they say. What was that? HANNAH I'm sorry? BOB What you did with your arms. Let me see that again. HANNAH BOB It was... Yeah, it was, the left hand was... Don't worry, I'm a professional. Right there. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's nice. HANNAH BOB What's your name? HANNAH Hannah. BOB Hannah. Are you a dancer, Hannah? HANNAH Oh. No. No, I'm, uh, the translator. Uh, for the production. BOB Oh. LIZA MINNELLI Bobby, darling! Oh, I've been counting down the hours for this day to arrive. BOB Great to see you. LIZA MINNELLI Ooh, uh, I got it cut short like Louise Brooks. I thought it'd be perfect for the period. Don't you love it? BOB What if I don't? Just kidding. LIZA MINNELLI Oh! You're bad. BOB You want a drink? LIZA MINNELLI Yes. BOB Can we get the star a drink? GROUP PATRONS BOB Hey, Mr. Cy Feuer. I didn't know you'd be here for this. CY FEUER I hope you know how-- how pleased I am that everything worked out. BOB Is that right? CY FEUER I just wish you hadn't gone over my head the way you did. I really wish you hadn't done that. BOB I took one meeting with Manny. Okay? CY FEUER Yeah. I don't know why I'm surprised. You pulled the same shit with me on How to Succeed. Undermining me. Make me look like a schmuck. BOB Well, safe travels back to New York. Nice to see you. CY FEUER New York? What are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere. Oh, yeah. No, Manny wants me here. I'm supervising. This is not gonna be another $20 million fiasco like your last picture. You can count on that. BOB FRED WEAVER A five, a six, a five, six, seven, eight. Don't show me the effort, Bobby. Don't show me the sweat. All I want to see is that smile. Faster, Bobby. What, you're hunching. Pull back the shoulders. Again. Six, seven, eight. Snap, and... showbiz! Where's that smile? There it is. Remember, there's always somebody better than you out there, Bobby. Always someone working harder than you. Don't think for a second I couldn't replace you a hundred times over. Understand? TOM I thought this would be a great option. Simple. Classic. Elegant. GWEN I don't think black-- I mean, it's the Tonys, not a funeral. TOM Well, in my experience, the two have quite a bit in common. JOAN SIMON I prefer funerals. GWEN Well, they're shorter, at least. TOM GWEN Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. Say hello to your aunt Joan. NICOLE Hello to your aunt Joan. JOAN SIMON Oh. Nancy will be so sad she missed you. GWEN You may go now. JOAN SIMON Oh. GWEN Ooh, what caught your eye? JOAN SIMON I love this one. TOM Oh. GWEN Oh. It-- Well, it's adorable. TOM Mm. JOAN SIMON When are you two going to Munich? GWEN Oh, we decided it made more sense if Nicole and I just stayed home on this one. JOAN SIMON You decided or he decided? GWEN Well, we both decided. Please, Bobby doesn't need my help directing a movie. JOAN SIMON You know I adore Bobby, but that's not the part I'm worried about. GWEN What about this? Too fancy? TOM No such thing, dear, you know that. GWEN They're my colors. JOAN SIMON GWEN Okay. TOM GWEN Besides, I don't have the time to go even if I wanted to. You know I'm looking for a play. My agent sent me about 100 scripts. JOAN SIMON A straight play? GWEN It'll be nice to make something on my own again, to remind people I still can. What about this? For the party after? JOAN SIMON Oh, I love a little Grecian number. GWEN I feel like for dancing, maybe if we hem it. JOAN SIMON Absolutely. GWEN A mini? Am I too old? Be honest with me. JOAN SIMON Oh. I mean, those legs aren't too old. Show them off. MAN Hold on one second... CY FEUER What are we waiting for, exactly? It's 1100. We haven't gotten the first shot. PAUL We are ten away from picture. Bobby, I need you at camera. BOB Who are these people? PAUL Background. Extras. BOB We need new ones. They look like actors. CY FEUER They are actors. BOB They're supposed to be patrons of a Berlin nightclub in 1933. Pickpockets, perverts, prostitutes. CY FEUER What do you want to do? You want to roam the streets of Munich now, searching for prostitutes? BOB Do you know where to find prostitutes? PAUL Oh. Uh. HANNAH GERDE HANNAH Uh, she, uh, she wants to know if you two are wanting to, um... get, uh, pleasured. BOB Uh, tell them that we're not here for sex. Uh, tell them we're casting a movie. HANNAH BOB Has anyone ever done any acting before? Stage? Film? HANNAH KARIN HANNAH Does pornography count? BOB Why not? HANNAH BOB That's terrific. Tell them that they're in a nightclub and there's a very funny, very entertaining act on stage. HANNAH BOB Tell them to pretend that they're watching it and they're enjoying it. HANNAH PROSTITUTES BOB That's good. Her, her, her, I don't need them. The rest are hired. HANNAH Oh. KARIN HANNAH She says, you only picked the old women, the ugly ones. It's not fair. BOB Fair? Tell her, this is show business. HANNAH I've never had to translate before in a brothel. BOB Well, now you can check that off your list. HANNAH Yes. BOB You know, when I was a-- When I was a kid, I used to dance in places like that, with women like that. HANNAH When you were a kid? BOB Yeah. HANNAH You started as a dancer? BOB Mm-hmm. HANNAH Hmm. When did you decide you wanted to be a director? BOB I never wanted to be a director. All I ever wanted to be was Fred Astaire. HANNAH What happened? BOB You know, it turns out, I-I wasn't Fred Astaire. HANNAH Oh. Show me. BOB Right now? HANNAH Mm-hmm. Oh, very, very good. Oh. Oh. BOB Mm-hmm. HANNAH I have a boyfriend. BOB Well, I won't hold it against you. HANNAH And you are married. BOB You know, we're on a different continent. I think there's a special exemption for that, right? NICOLE “Because you've taught me that part of love which is tender.” GWEN Oh, darn. Is that me? “Oh, Jaques, we're used to each other.” "Oh, Jaques, we're used to each other. We're a pair of captive hawks caught in the same cage and so we've grown used to each other." Is that right? CARRIE Hello, Fosse residence. NICOLE Mm-hmm. GWEN Oh! I can't believe that's right. CARRIE Mrs. Fosse? GWEN Thank you, dear. Hello? Yes, this is her mother. SANDY BOB I want to see every move. Isolate every move. I want to see every muscle, every tendon. Focus is front. Caitlyn. And again. SANDY Here we go. And seven, eight, and... ? Doo-do, doo doo-doo. ? SANDY LIZA MINNELLI CY FEUER I saw some of the footage you're getting, Bobby. My God. Y-You're not putting enough light on the scenes. BOB It's a nightclub, Cy. Nightclubs are dark. I need it full out, ladies. Legs up... 90 degrees, ladies. Not 60. LIZA MINNELLI BOB Once more from the top, please. I'm sorry, ladies. Once more from the top. SANDY LIZA MINNELLI BOB Watch that line. It's not working. I need it full out, ladies. Legs, legs. CY FEUER We gotta shoot. Come on, let's shoot something. You're killing me. What are-- Come on. What are we-- What are we doing? BOB And again. BOB How much time do I have? PAUL Ten away from picture. BOB It's still not right. It-it's still not working. Why isn't this working? CY FEUER Bobby, can we shoot? Bobby, I wasn’t shooting. What’s the plan here? SANDY Five, six, seven, eight. Hand. BOB I can't tell a thing if you're marking it, ladies. What am I seeing? Yeah, I don't-I don't know what I'm seeing. And again. GWEN Yes, please give him the message. BOB You. GWEN And also, if you could tell him that his daughter brought a bottle of Seconal to school, that would be wonderful. BOB You're doing this wrong every time. Is there a reason you're doing it wrong every time? GWEN Seconal. BOB And again. GWEN S-E... BOB And again. GWEN C-O... BOB And again. GWEN N-A... BOB Again. GWEN L. Seconal. BOB Why are you stopping? Why are we stopping? GWEN Oh, it's my pleasure. Thank you. Bye. CY FEUER Why-why are we not shooting? Somebody tell, me what-- What the hell is going on here? BOB Take it again from “fine affair.” CY FEUER Why are we not shooting? PAUL We're rehearsing. CY FEUER W-Where... Where is everybody? PAUL Bob cleared the set. CY FEUER What? Cameras were supposed to be rolling two hours ago. BOB "...was a FINE...” SANDY CY FEUER I don't-- What are we gonna do? What are-- PAUL We're just waiting on Bob to approve the wardrobe for the scene. CY FEUER Wardrobe? Okay. All right. You know what? I need ladies back in their trailers, get into costume. BOB Well, I'd love to do that, Cy, but unfortunately there's no costumes. CY FEUER What do you mean there's no-- You've been shown 50 different options. BOB Well, nobody's shown me what I want. CY FEUER You don't know what you want. BOB I know exactly what I want. CY FEUER Really? BOB But you keep whispering in everyone's ear that this is supposed to look like a goddamn musical. CY FEUER It is a goddamn musical. BOB I am trying to do something original and you don't understand it. CY FEUER I don't understand it? Okay. There's-there's the excuse of every insecure artist. I don't understand. BOB And it makes you uncomfortable. CY FEUER You know what? It-- It's flash. You're doing flash. This is exactly what I said in the beginning. BOB All right. I'm not gonna be bullied into making another candy-coated family-friendly... CY FEUER Yeah. You've got your little bag of tricks in there, but there's no substance, so what do you do? You turn off all the lights, and then we're supposed to think you're some kind of cinematic genius? BOB Tell me one thing you've done for me and this movie. One thing. CY FEUER I'll tell you two. I hired you and, so far, I haven't fired you. As I was saying, you may go. DANCE STUDENTS GWEN Hello? BOB Hey, kid. It's me. GWEN Well, where have you been? BOB I know, I've just been, uh... I've been meaning to call. I just, uh... GWEN You didn't get my messages? BOB Uh... Yeah. It's been-- It's been, uh... It's just been so hectic, and... Listen, it'd be great to get you here for a few days, you know. Maybe get your eyes on some of the numbers. What, uh... What do you think about that? GWEN Am I going to be unhappy when I get there? BOB No, of course not. Why would you be unhappy? I need you. I need you here, Gwen Come on. What do you say? GWEN Well... Well, let me just see what I can do. BOB Okay. Okay. You're the best. GWEN Okay, bye-bye. Bye, Bob. BOB Hi. GWEN So, I saw this in the closet, and I thought, "Well, now that is Sally Bowles to a tee." LIZA MINNELLI It is absolutely gorgeous. GWEN And with the green nail polish. BOB What about this? GWEN Oh. BOB What about this for, um, for “Mein Herr?" LIZA MINNELLI What do I wear underneath? BOB Um. A button-down? GWEN Oh, no. Nothing underneath. Trust me. She'll be stunning. GWEN So, I brought my favorite kimonos... BOB Why-why are you wearing all this makeup? The character you're playing. GWEN Maybe she doesn't want to be recognized. BOB Huh. That's interesting. GWEN Maybe she used to be a society girl. Then she met the wrong man. BOB He swindled her for all she's worth, and now she's shaking her rump for tips. GWEN Open. BOB Beautiful. BOB Most of the first verse will play in the close-up. GWEN And then you want to widen. BOB Yeah, little fragments throughout. GWEN On the snare. CY FEUER What? BOB I'm glad you're here. CY FEUER They told me you were here, I didn't believe it. Hey, look at you. GWEN Cy! Oh! CY FEUER Mwah. GWEN Everything looks marvelous. You know, you're gonna make a fantastic picture. CY FEUER Well, if only you can get your husband to pick up the pace a little bit. BOB Can we have a pleasant conversation for five minutes, Cy? GWEN He's a pain in the ass, Cy. BOB Yeah. GWEN Oh, you think I don't know that better than anyone? CY FEUER All right. PAUL Picture's almost ready. BOB Guilty, guilty as charged. CY FEUER Go, go, go. GWEN Go. BOB Okay. I'll get back to work. Pick up the pace. CY FEUER Picking up. He's making it so dark, Gwen. GWEN What? CY FEUER He-He's treating it like it's some sort of, I don't know, Italian neorealist nightmare, or something. But listen, I promised the studio a Broadway musical, yes, with some social import. But not this. I don't know... GWEN Cy… CY FEUER What? BOB It isn't right. CY FEUER Okay, this is his answer to every question. It isn't right. BOB It's ugly. CY FEUER It's funny. BOB It's not supposed to be funny. CY FEUER What are-- What are you-- It's a comedic number. BOB The number, exactly. Not the costume. GWEN This is a joke on top of a joke. CY FEUER I don't know what that-- What? GWEN The character is singing a love song about a gorilla. It's not a joke gorilla. It's a gorilla gorilla. BOB Then when the bottom drops out... GWEN BOB It's a gut punch. CY FEUER I understand the scene. GWEN You realize, all at once, you've allowed yourself to be entertained by a monster. And if you're busy laughing at the joke gorilla, oh, you'll miss the whole thing. And that's what Bob's saying. BOB She should be beautiful. He's in love with her. COSTUME DESIGNER I've been to every studio in Munich. Every studio in Berlin. This is the only gorilla suit in Germany. BOB Can you... walk away? GWEN You know, you throw a rock in New York City, and you'll hit one. CY FEUER The number shoots in three days. BOB That's plenty of time. CY FEUER Oh. So, someone's gonna fly to New York, find a gorilla suit, and then immediately fly back to Munich. In 72 hours? GWEN I'll do it. GWEN You saw what happened with Sweet Charity. CY FEUER Well... GWEN And with Doctor Doolittle, and with Star! Each one of them a big, fat flop. Kids in the jungle are being zipped into body bags on the evening news. Richard Nixon is our president, God help us. People aren't going to the movies to escape anymore. They're going to find something true. CY FEUER Boy, I wish you'd been here from the start. He needs you. GWEN I just know how to speak Bob. BOTH GWEN It's my native tongue. CY FEUER God bless. I'm glad you're here. GWEN I am, too. LIZA MINNELLI ALL LIZA MINNELLI ALL LIZA MINNELLI ALL LIZA MINNELLI ALL LIZA MINNELLI ALL LIZA MINNELLI ALL LIZA MINNELLI ALL LIZA MINNELLI BOB Cut. CREW MEMBER Cut! CREW MEMBER 2 Cut! ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Check the gate. Everyone back to one. BOB What did I do to deserve you? GWEN You know, I don't know. BOB Hey. Thank you. GWEN When I come back... BOB I promise. GWEN Okay. LIZA MINNELLI GWEN There you are. CY FEUER What I said the other day, Bobby, I... BOB That's water... water under the bridge, Cy. Don't worry about it. CY FEUER All right. Well, you and Gwen make a hell of a team. LIZA MINNELLI BOB Hello? GWEN Gorilla delivery. LIZA MINNELLI GWEN I told you the curtain is at 700. BOB God, you look magnificent. GWEN Let's go. It's time.