ASSISTANT_DIRECTOR BOB BOBBY CARRIE CHARLIE COSTUME_DESIGNER CY_FEUER DANCER DANCERS FANDANGO_GIRLS FRED_WEAVER GERDE GWEN HAL HANNAH JANE JOAN_SIMON KARIN LIZA_MINNELLI NEIL NICOLE PADDY PAUL ROBERT_SURTEES ROGER SANDY SHIRLEY_MACLAINE TOM WENDY BOB You’re early. BOB It isn’t time yet... BOB Then the hand... GWEN As I’m stepping back... BOB Show me the other... BOB That wasn’t it. GWEN Take it up with the choreographer. It was his idea, not mine. BOB Do we fire him? GWEN Oh, give the man another shot. He’s still learning. BOB I’m not optimistic. BOB Break the legs? GWEN Or this... BOB Show me the reverse? Yours was better. GWEN Every roll of the shoulder, every twist of the hip, it’s all part of the seduction... Luckily, it’s a film, so you girls won’t have to worry about falling off the stage eight times a week. BOB Hi, Shirley. SHIRLEY MACLAINE I feel lucky I can still walk after yesterday’s rehearsal. She’s a taskmaster, this one. GWEN I learned from the best. BOB Why are you standing like that? DANCER I thought this was my position... BOB Why is the character you’re playing putting all of her weight on the bannister like that? DANCER The choreography... GWEN How long have you been dancing in those heels tonight? Five hours maybe? BOB I’d say six, at least. GWEN All you want is to sit down. It’s the only thing you can think about. GWEN You close your eyes you see armchairs, love seats, church pews, subway benches... BOB She can’t sit down in the middle of her shift. The manager’s watching. GWEN Well, and you have a little boy at home depending on that paycheck, don’t you? GWEN But maybe if you take some weight off those heels, shift it onto the bannister for just a minute... maybe you can make it one more dance. BOB Why is this leg turned in? BOB I need tighter. I want to see their sweat. I want to see the spot they missed with their foundation. ROBERT SURTEES They’re too crowded together. If you come in tight, you’re going to ruin the composition. GWEN Cut one of the dancers. GWEN More room. BOB It’s got nothing to do with are you hearing me? Nothing to do with talent. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR I really need whatever this is to be over. GWEN Come talk to me, sweetheart. You poor dear... BOB We’re re-blocking. ROGER I need you to get through to him, Gwen. The studio is adamant Charity cannot under any circumstances use the expression “up yours.” It’s obscene. GWEN Let’s take three deep breaths. That’s what I do when I’m nervous. In... and out. BOB We need to lose another dancer. We’re re-blocking. GWEN In and out. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Playback. BOB Action FANDANGO GIRLS The minute you walked in the joint, I could see you were a man of distinction, A real big spender Good looking, so refined Say wouldn't you like to know What's going on in my mind? So, let me get right to the point I don't pop my cork for every guy I see Hey, big spender, Hey, big spender! Hey, big spender! Spend a little time with... me GWEN Nicole and I went by the Ziegfeld on our way home. We saw people lined up to buy tickets all the way to 7th Avenue... BOB Maybe they were there to see The Love Bug. GWEN The Ziegfeld only has one screen. BOB Well, but do they know that? GWEN I didn’t ask. Zip me. GWEN You’re going in the wrong direction. BOB Am I? GWEN Our guests are going to be here in five minutes. BOB Never a bad idea to keep the audience waiting... PADDY You’re going to be absolutely insufferable now that you’re a big shot Hollywood director, aren’t you? NEIL Next thing you know, he’s going to be showing up at the Carnegie Deli wearing a beret. BOB I made one film... PADDY It’s worse than we thought. He’s already calling a movie a “film.” The man is beyond saving. Someone put him out of his misery... BOB This from Paddy Chayefsky, the most pretentious son of a bitch PADDY I never said I wasn’t! BOB I’ve got my hands over my head. “Officer,” I say, “this is all a big misunderstanding. I’m Bob Fosse.” He says: “Who?” GWEN Do you know how many times he’s told this story? It happened fifteen years ago. BOB The guy is convinced he’s caught some pervert trying to break into Gwen Verdon’s rehearsal room for God knows what kind of sordid purpose. GWEN Which, to be fair, was not entirely untrue... BOB Well, finally I just come out with it. I say, “Look, Officer, can you give me a break? I’m Gwen Verdon’s husband, okay? I’m her husband.” GWEN The poor kid, he turns bright red, he says, “Well, gee, why in the world didn’t you say so in the first place, Mr. Verdon?” BOB Now, come on. That’s a good story HAL I’m busy directing Steve’s new musical. GWEN Am I the only person who liked the last one he did? With Dick? BOB Yes. HAL I think so. BOB What’s this one about? HAL Single guy who can’t hold down a relationship. His married friends all want him to get married, even though they’re miserable. BOB I’m on the edge of my seat... HAL I bet Cy’s still looking for someone to do Cabaret, if you’re interested... BOB My book is already starting to fill up.. HAL Bobby’s too big-time now for a little art musical. BOB I didn’t say that. HAL What are you working on these days, doll? GWEN Oh. Well, Bobby and I have just been so busy making this movie... WENDY It’s the best picture of the year, Bobby. It’s a masterpiece. BOB You’re a sweetheart. GWEN I actually just started reading scripts again last week, though. Looking for the right thing. WENDY When are you going to cast me in a movie, Bobby? BOB The next one. WENDY I’m going to remember you said that. BOB Who needs another drink? JOAN SIMON I will say it once and I will never, ever, ever say it again GWEN Please don’t. JOAN SIMON It should have been you. GWEN I’m glad you’ve gotten it out of your system... JOAN SIMON Now, maybe I’m a little bit buzzed... GWEN I think perhaps, yes. JOAN SIMON but Shirley MacLaine? Really? Bobby should never have replaced you. Charity was your show. GWEN Shirley was cast before Bobby was even hired. The only reason he got the job was because Shirley told the studio she wouldn’t do it without him. JOAN SIMON Be that as it may... You were the best thing about that show and my husband wrote it! NICOLE Once more from the top. PADDY Dead ringer NEIL Gave me goosebumps. BOB God help me, I’ve got two actresses in the family now. BOB Record-breaking, really? I haven’t heard from the studio, no. What are they going to say, right? Thanks for losing twenty million bucks? Yeah, yeah, I’ll be okay. I’ll be fine. It’s just a movie, right? GWEN Come to bed, Bobby. GWEN It’s three in the morning. BOB I knew it wasn’t any good. GWEN That’s not true. BOB I knew it the second I saw the set. They turned Times Square into a Disney cartoon. GWEN You made the movie the studio hired you to make. What choice did you have? BOB You read the reviews? GWEN Yes. I read Variety. It’s a rave. BOB You saw the Times? GWEN I saw Hollywood Reporter. They couldn’t get over how much they loved it. BOB “Sweet Charity is a movie haunted by the presence of an unseen star, Gwen Verdon.” GWEN Well that’s ridiculous. BOB “Although Miss MacLaine often looks like Miss Verdon ” GWEN Why are you reading this? BOB “she never succeeds in recreating the eccentric line that gave cohesion to the original.” GWEN Are you finished? BOB No, let’s read another one... GWEN I’m going to sleep. FRED WEAVER Don’t show me the effort, Bobby. Don’t show me the sweat. All I want to see is that smile... CY FEUER We had a good time on that show, the two of us. BOB Nearly killed me, but putting that aside. CY FEUER Name one show of yours that hasn’t nearly killed you, Bobby. BOB So what’s keeping you busy these days? CY FEUER I’ve got a movie shooting next year. BOB Cabaret, right? I heard you were doing the adaptation. I loved the show. CY FEUER What’s not to love? Homosexuals, Nazis, Jews it’s got all the makings of a real blockbuster. BOB You have a director? BOB I’ll tell you, I haven’t gotten around to Nazis yet, but Jews and homosexuals are a specialty of mine. And I could do the steps, too. You’d need a choreographer anyway... CY FEUER I had no idea you were interested. BOB I’m very interested. CY FEUER In this film specifically? BOB What else would I be interested in? CY FEUER A job. CY FEUER What about Gwen? Would she be involved, too? BOB I’m sorry? CY FEUER If I can tell the studio they’re getting Bobby and Gwen... that would be a real draw. BOB Gwen’s got a lot of other commitments. I’m not sure she could fit anything else in her schedule. CY FEUER Well, listen, Bobby, I’m just producing. Manny Wolf at the studio, he’s the one choosing the director. I’ll put in a good word, though. BOB I’ll go ahead and call him, too, just to introduce myself. CY FEUER The fact of the matter is, I’m not sure this is your kind of movie. This is an intimate musical drama. It’s an adult picture. What you do best is... well, style. Flash. This movie, it’s... it just needs a different touch. BOB I do do a lot of flash, you’re right CY FEUER Listen, I’m so glad we got the chance to catch up... BOB Did you serve, Cy? CY FEUER Did I serve? BOB I was in the Navy. I was, actually, I was in a special entertainment unit. BOB We had a little show we did all over the Pacific bases, hospitals BOB These guys in there, they were my age, kids nineteen, twenty. One of them, he was seventeen, fudged his age to the draft board. One side of his face was blown off. Another kid, he was burned up so bad, they had to pump him full of morphine. Otherwise, they said, all he would do was scream. BOB And there I was. Up on stage, in tap shoes, a big, shit-eating smile. We pulled out all the tricks onefooted wings, double pickups. “Flash,” you could call it. Out there, there’s a war going on. Bodies piling up. But in here? In here... we’re dancing. Just don’t look too close at the kids in the audience, missing arms, missing legs... and you’ll have a grand time. BOB What good is sitting alone in your room? Come hear the music play. Life is a cabaret, old chum. Come to the cabaret. I’m the director for this movie. I’m sure of it. CY FEUER Like I said I’ll put in a good word with Manny. Patience. Let me talk to him first. BOB Hello. I’m Bob Fosse. JANE Yes? BOB I didn’t catch your name, dear. JANE Oh. It’s Jane. BOB You have a terrific smile, Jane. I’m here to see Manny Wolf. JANE Is he expecting you? BOB No, Jane. No, he is not GWEN Well, when was the last time we asked about the rights to Chicago? Heels are glued to the floor. GWEN It would be perfect for both of us. Gwen Verdon and Bob Fosse back together on Broadway I think that could be a huge draw, Sam. Lift all the way from your hips. That’s it. GWEN Well, I’m sorry, but a musical with some commercial appeal would not be the end of the world. We haven’t had a hit in three years. BOB Is that Sam? GWEN I better run. I’ll talk to you soon. Nicole has been practicing her routine all afternoon. She can’t wait to show you. BOB You’re calling my agent? GWEN We were just chatting. BOB You knew I wouldn’t get the job. GWEN What did he say? A long beat. Bob shakes his head, sinking onto the sofa. BOB He said... I’m hired. GWEN You son of a bitch! You had me scared to death. BOB Liza Minnelli’s playing Sally. GWEN Can she act? BOB We’ll find out... FRED WEAVER Posture, Bobby. FRED WEAVER You’re hunching. Pull back the shoulders. Again from the top. FRED WEAVER Where’s that smile? There it is. FRED WEAVER Remember, there’s always someone better than you out there. Always someone working harder than you. Don’t think for a second I couldn’t replace you a hundred times over. BOB Hiya, kids. How’s tricks? DANCERS Hi, Bobby. BOB Hey. Take it easy on that lager, fellas. It’s a work night. BOB What was that? HANNAH I’m sorry? BOB What you did with your arms. Let me see it again. Don’t worry I’m a professional. BOB The left hand was lower... BOB The arm was at an angle... BOB What’s your name? HANNAH Hannah. BOB Are you a dancer, Hannah? HANNAH Oh. No. I’m the translator. For the production. BOB Well, this is very good. HANNAH Is it? BOB Very good. LIZA MINNELLI Bobby, darling! LIZA MINNELLI I have been counting down the hours for this day to arrive LIZA MINNELLI I got it cut short like Louise Brooks. I thought it was perfect for the period. Don’t you love it? BOB What if I don’t? LIZA MINNELLI You’re bad. BOB Mr. Cy Feuer. I didn’t know you’d be here for this. CY FEUER I hope you know how pleased I am that everything worked out. BOB Is that right? CY FEUER I wish you hadn’t gone over my head the way you did. I really wish you hadn’t done that. BOB I took one meeting with Manny... CY FEUER I don’t know why I’m surprised. You pulled the same shit with me on How to Succeed. Undermining me. Making me look like a jerk. BOB What do you want? An apology? CY FEUER Oh I think I’ve known you long enough to know that the words “I’m sorry” aren’t a part of your vocabulary. BOB Well, safe travels back to New York. CY FEUER New York? I’m not going anywhere. Manny wants me here, supervising. This is not going to be another twenty million dollar fiasco like your last picture. You can count on it. TOM I thought this would be a great option. Simple. Classic. Elegant. GWEN I don’t know about black. It’s the Tonys, not a funeral. TOM In my experience, the two have quite a bit in common. JOAN SIMON I prefer funerals. GWEN They’re shorter, at least. GWEN Say hello to your aunt Joan. NICOLE Hello. JOAN SIMON Nancy will be sad she missed you. JOAN SIMON I love this one. GWEN Oh it’s darling. JOAN SIMON When are you two going to Munich? GWEN We decided it made more sense if Nicole and I just stayed home on this one. JOAN SIMON You decided or he decided? GWEN We both decided. He doesn’t need my help directing a movie. JOAN SIMON You know how much I adore Bobby, but... that’s not the part I’m worried about. GWEN Too fancy? TOM No such thing, dear, you know that... GWEN The truth is, I don’t have time to visit him on set even if I wanted to. I’m looking for a play. My agent sent me about a hundred scripts. JOAN SIMON A straight play? GWEN Well, I would love to get back to dancing, but with my neck... the orthopedist says it just isn’t safe. JOAN SIMON I thought the massages were helping. GWEN They are. Slowly but surely. GWEN Besides, it’ll be nice to make something on my own. Remind people that I still can. JOAN SIMON Absolutely. GWEN For the party after? CY FEUER What are we waiting for? CY FEUER It’s eleven o’clock and we haven’t gotten the first shot. PAUL We’re ten away from picture. Bobby, I need you at camera. BOB Who are these people? PAUL Background. Extras. BOB I need new ones. These ones look like actors. CY FEUER They are actors. BOB They’re supposed to be the patrons of a Berlin nightclub in 1933. Prostitutes, pickpockets, perverts. CY FEUER What do you want to do? You want to roam the streets of Munich, searching for prostitutes? BOB Do you know where to find prostitutes? PAUL Oh GERDE Blowjobs? They want blowjobs? At the same time is extra. HANNAH She wants to know if the two men are wanting someone to... pleasure them. BOB Tell them, we’re not here for sex. I’m casting a movie. Has anyone done any acting before? Stage, film... KARIN Does pornography count? HANNAH Does pornography count? BOB Why not? BOB Tell them, they’re in a nightclub and there’s a very funny, very entertaining act on stage. Tell them to pretend like they’re watching and they’re enjoying it. BOB These three... her, her, and her, I don’t need them. The rest are hired. KARIN You only picked ugly old women. It’s unfair to the rest of us. HANNAH She says, you only picked the old women. The ugly women. It’s not fair. BOB Fair? Tell her, this is show business. HANNAH I’ve never had to translate before in a brothel. BOB Well, now you can check it off your list. BOB When I was a kid, I used to dance in places like that. With women like that. HANNAH When you were a kid? HANNAH You started as a dancer? When did you decide you wanted to be a director? BOB I never wanted to be a director. All I ever wanted was to be Fred Astaire. HANNAH What happened? BOB It turns out, I wasn’t Fred Astaire HANNAH Show me. BOB Right now BOB Ready? HANNAH For what? HANNAH I have a boyfriend. BOB I won’t hold it against you. HANNAH You’re married. BOB Well, but we’re on different continents. There’s a special exemption for that, right? NICOLE “Because you’ve taught me that part of love which is tender.” GWEN Darn it. Is that me? “Oh Jaques, we’re used to each other...” GWEN “...we’re a pair of captive hawks caught in the same cage “ CARRIE Hello, Fosse residence. GWEN “...and so we’ve grown used to each other.” That’s right? CARRIE One moment please. Mrs. Fosse? GWEN I can’t believe that’s right. Thank you, dear. Hello? Yes, this is her mother SANDY “Bye Bye, mein lieber ” BOB Again. Slower. Slower. BOB Just the hand. I need you to isolate each movement. I want to see every muscle, every tendon. Focus is front. BOB Like... this... And again. SANDY “It was a fine affair and now it’s over brrrm.” LIZA MINNELLI CY FEUER The footage you’re getting is too dark, Bobby. You’re not putting enough light on the scenes. BOB It’s a nightclub. It’s dark. I need it full out, girls. BOB Once more from the top please. BOB How much time do I have? GWEN Yes, please give him the message. And also if you could tell him that his daughter brought a bottle of Seconal to school, that would be wonderful. Seconal. Seco SANDY “Don’t dab your eye, mein herr...” BOB I can’t tell a thing if you’re marking it. I don’t know what I’m seeing. BOB You’re doing that wrong every time. Is there a reason? BOB Why are we stopping? Why are you stopping? CY FEUER Why aren’t we shooting? BOB Back to “fine affair.” PAUL We’re rehearsing. CY FEUER Where is everyone? PAUL Bob cleared the set. CY FEUER Cameras were supposed to be rolling two hours ago. BOB “It was a FINE affair.” SANDY “But now it’s over.” PAUL We’re just waiting on Bob to approve wardrobe for the scene... CY FEUER What? CY FEUER Okay. I need the ladies back to their trailers to get in costume. BOB I’d love to do that, Cy, but unfortunately there are no costumes. CY FEUER You have been shown fifty different options... BOB Well, nobody’s shown me what I want. CY FEUER You don’t know what you want. BOB I know exactly what I want, actually. But you keep whispering in everybody’s ear that it needs to look like a goddamn musical. CY FEUER It is a musical. BOB I am trying to do something original and you don’t understand it... CY FEUER The excuse of every insecure artist I don’t understand it. BOB And it makes you uncomfortable. CY FEUER It’s flash, Bobby. Just like I said from the beginning. BOB I’m not going to be bullied into making another candy-coated familyfriendly CY FEUER You’ve got your bag of tricks. There’s no substance, so you turn off the lights to make us think you’re some kind of cinematic genius. BOB Tell me one thing you’ve done for me and this movie. One thing. CY FEUER I’ll tell you two. I hired you and so far, I haven’t fired you. CY FEUER As I was saying. You may go now. BOBBY Hey. Want to meet up before school tomorrow? We could practice some of the new steps... CHARLIE I can’t tomorrow. Geometry test second period. If I get another B, my parents are going to kill me. BOBBY This is important. You’ve got to work harder than anyone else if you want to be great. CHARLIE You mean, like him? CHARLIE No thanks. GWEN Hello? BOB It’s me. GWEN Where have you been? BOB I meant to call sooner. GWEN You didn’t get my messages? BOB I’ve just been... things were pretty hectic. But it’s all... everything is... Listen. I was wondering if maybe you could come here for a few days. It’d be great to get your eyes on some of the numbers. What do you think? GWEN Am I going to be unhappy when I get there? BOB No. GWEN I saw this in the closet and I thought now, that is Sally Bowles to a tee. LIZA MINNELLI It is absolutely. Gorgeous. GWEN With the green nail polish, too... BOB Look at this. BOB For “Mein Herr”? LIZA MINNELLI What do I wear underneath? BOB A button-down maybe... GWEN Oh no. Nothing underneath. You’ll be stunning BOB Why are you wearing all this makeup? BOB The character you’re playing. GWEN Maybe she doesn’t want to be recognized... BOB Now that’s interesting. GWEN Maybe she used to be a society girl. Then she met the wrong man. Close your eyes. BOB He swindled her for all she was worth. And here she is now, shaking her rump for tips. GWEN Open. BOB Where’d you learn that? GWEN You don’t know all my tricks... BOB Most of the first verse will play in the close-up. GWEN And then you want to widen... BOB Well, little fragments throughout... GWEN On the snare. CY FEUER They told me you were here and I didn’t believe it. GWEN Everything looks marvelous. It’s going to be a fabulous picture, Cy. CY FEUER Now if only you can get your husband to pick up the pace... BOB Can we have a pleasant conversation for five minutes? GWEN He’s a pain in the ass, Cy. You think I don’t know that better than anyone? PAUL Picture’s almost ready. BOB I better get back to work. CY FEUER He’s making it much too dark, Gwen. He’s treating it like it’s some Italian neorealist nightmare. I promised the studio a Broadway musical with, yes, some social import. But not this. GWEN Cy, dear. You saw what happened to Sweet Charity. And Doctor Doolittle. And Star! Every one of them a big, fat flop. GWEN Kids in the jungle are being zipped into body bags on the evening news. Richard Nixon is our president, God help us. People aren’t going to the movies to escape anymore. They’re going to find something true. CY FEUER I wish you’d been here from the start. He needs you. GWEN I just know how to speak Bob. It’s my native tongue. LIZA MINNELLI LIZA MINNELLI LIZA MINNELLI LIZA MINNELLI BOB It’s not bad. LIZA MINNELLI LIZA MINNELLI BOB It isn’t right. CY FEUER This is his answer to every question. BOB It’s ugly. CY FEUER It’s funny. BOB It’s not supposed to be funny. CY FEUER It’s a comedic number. BOB The number, exactly. Not the costume. GWEN It’s a joke on top of a joke. GWEN The character is singing a love song about a gorilla. It’s not a joke gorilla. It’s a gorilla gorilla. BOB Then when the bottom drops out GWEN “If you could see her through my eyes, she wouldn’t look Jewish at all.” BOB It’s a gut punch. GWEN You realize, all at once, that you have allowed yourself to be entertained by a monster. If you’re busy laughing at the funny gorilla... you’ll miss the whole thing. That’s what Bob is saying. BOB She should be beautiful. He’s in love with her. COSTUME DESIGNER I’ve been to every studio in Munich. Every studio in Berlin. This is the only gorilla suit in Germany. GWEN You throw a rock in New York City and you’ll hit one. CY FEUER The number shoots in three days. BOB That’s plenty of time. CY FEUER So someone is going to fly to New York, find a gorilla suit, then immediately fly back to Munich. In seventy-two hours. Who? GWEN No. The poor kid will come back with the wrong costume, and you’ll be right back to where you are now. CY FEUER Who else, then? GWEN I’ll do it. BOB I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you. GWEN I don’t either. BOB I really... thank you. GWEN When I come back BOB I promise. LIZA MINNELLI LIZA MINNELLI GWEN How much? LIZA MINNELLI CY FEUER What I said to you the other day, Bobby... BOB Water under the bridge. CY FEUER Well, you and Gwen... you make a hell of a team. LIZA MINNELLI GWEN Gorilla delivery. LIZA MINNELLI LIZA MINNELLI BOB You’re early. GWEN Curtain is at seven. BOB You look magnificent. GWEN We should go. It’s time.