ANDY AVERY BARNEY BARN_ANIMALS BOY_2 CHARLOTTE COW CROWD DOLORES DR_DORIAN EDITH FERN GANDER GEORGE GIRL GOOSE GOSLINGS HENRY HOMER JOHN JUNIOR LURVY MAN_1 MINISTER_BROWN MRS_THOMPSON NARRATOR OLD_SHEEP PARTYGOERS TEMPLETON WILBUR WOMAN_1 WOMAN_2 MINISTER BROWN Did I miss it? HOMER I told ya, Minister. It wasn�t a joke. HOMER This is no ordinary web. HOMER And this is no ordinary pig. EDITH Well, it seems to me that you�re a little off. It seems to me that this is no ordinary spider. HOMER Edith, it�s just a common grey barn spider. It can�t write or read. But we have received a sign. A mysterious sign. And look at the words that were chosen. EDITH Mmm, I don�t know, Homer. How can an ordinary spider do anything like that? FERN What do you think, Minister Brown? MINISTER BROWN Well, Fern, I think I have a new subject for my sermon on Sunday. Our community has been witness to... a miracle. CHARLOTTE The Zuckermans have fallen for it, and so has this minister, who seems to carry some influence over the other humans around here. WILBUR That�s good, right? CHARLOTTE It�s very good. It also means we will have visitors soon... and we must give them a show. WILBUR A show? But I don�t know anything about putting on a show. OLD SHEEP The web says �some pig.� It�s time to start acting like one. TEMPLETON Heh heh, yeah, heh... especially if you wanna save your neck... from that. NARRATOR Long before Sunday came, news of the Zuckermans� wondrous pig spread clear up into the hills. NARRATOR And curious farmers stood hour after hour at Wilbur�s pen, admiring the miraculous animal. NARRATOR Charlotte was delighted with the way her trick was working. She sat without moving a muscle, and listened to the conversation of the people. WOMAN 1 What a solid pig. How long and smooth he is! WOMAN 2 I hear Minister Brown called it a miracle. MAN 1 There�s no other word for it! Homer Zuckerman must be some farmer! FERN Here you go, Uncle Homer. HOMER Thank you kindly. HOMER Your Wilbur�s a smash, Fern. Look at all the attention we�re getting! FERN Mama says to seek respect, not attention. HOMER Well, your mama doesn�t have all these plums to sell. We need every bit of attention we can get. And let�s face it a little limelight can be fun every once in a while. AVERY Hey, look at me, everyone! I�m some boy! HOMER Avery! Unless you�re a bale of hay, you got no business being up there. AVERY Sorry. WILBUR Why are they leaving? CHARLOTTE They�re losing interest. Give them a surprise. Stand up and make a sound! WILBUR Really? CHARLOTTE Yes! WILBUR Um hello, my name is Wilbur CHARLOTTE Well done! Now keep your knees straight and touch the ground with your ears. CHARLOTTE And-and now do a somersault into a handstand. WILBUR I did it, Charlotte! They love me! CHARLOTTE Let�s not get too big of a head, but... yes, you have done well. FERN Thank you, folks! Let�s hear it for Wilbur! FERN And don�t forget to buy some plums! FERN Isn�t this just wonderful? WILBUR I�ve never seen so many people. FERN And they�re all here to see you. WILBUR Did you hear them clapping for me? FERN Of course they love you! Why wouldn�t they? ANDY Say, can you talk to the pig? FERN Sure I can! And he talks to me. In fact, I can talk to all the animals. FERN �He swooped down and said I was the prettiest-prettiest-prettiest goose.� The Goose likes to repeat words. EDITH Dolores, Fern is quite the storyteller. BARNEY Mrs. Arable, your daughter has a wonderful imagination. DOLORES I have no idea where she gets it from. EDITH Probably from me! Barney, have you tasted our plums yet? FERN You don�t say! Mr. Sheep says that the expression �Straight from the horse�s mouth� actually came... straight from a horse�s mouth! ANDY I think the sheep is saying, �Fern, you�re full of baahhh-loney.� JOHN I wouldn�t worry honey, all kids talk to animals. She�ll grow out of it. DOLORES You weren�t there. Kids were laughing at her. And Fern didn�t even notice. She was too busy lapping up the attention like it was warm milk. JOHN As long as she gets her chores done and isn�t hurting anyone, it all sounds to me like harmless fun. DOLORES She�s spending so much time at Edith and Homer�s. Now she wants to have her birthday at their farm. I�m worried that they might be rubbing off on her. JOHN How do you figure? DOLORES You�ve seen them. They live in a dream world. Can barely make ends meet and then they go investing everything into a a plum orchard. It�s foolish! And all this hoopla with the spiderweb it�s only making the situation worse. JOHN I agree that Edith and Homer come at life at a different angle than most folks, but why should that matter? Doesn�t cost us anything. DOLORES Sure it does! You sold them that pig for only six dollars! JOHN I was just trying to help. Anyhow, Fern�s a good girl. DOLORES She�s an impressionable girl. I want to raise her right with a good head on her shoulders and her feet on the ground. HOMER C�mon, honey! Drop the sewing, let�s get going! You�ve been at that thing for hours. EDITH It�s my first time entering a quilt in the County Fair. I want it to steal the show. EDITH Oh, a dirty trick, Homer Zuckerman FERN Mama and Papa never dance! LURVY How did you learn to cut a rug like that, boss? HOMER Ah, well, now I knew that if I was to win the hand of the dazzling Edith Garc�a, I�d need every trick in the book. HOMER So I learned to dance rumba, foxtrot, jitterbug, mambo, polka, Charleston, tango, cha-cha, waltz, meringue, samba, and the Lindy Hop EDITH Oh, I�d have married you if you never danced a step. It wasn�t the rumba I loved, it was the dream. FERN What dream? HOMER Well, Fern, as you know, I was stationed in France during the war. It was there I was reacquainted with the plum. And the French really know how to wield the fruit�s magic. Tarts! Galettes! Sorbets! EDITH He wrote home to me. He said he had a vision. He wanted to make the plum America�s new favorite fruit. HOMER So when I got home, we poured everything into those trees out there. FERN Everything? HOMER And more. Took out a big loan, too. A dream is worth nothing if you can�t put your money where your mouth is. Look, I�ll be the first to admit that the plums didn�t take off as fast as I wanted, but now thanks to Wilbur, folks are finally giving plums... and me... a fighting chance. EDITH All hail the Plum King of New England! FERN The Plum King of New England! LURVY The Plum King of New England! EDITH Hit it, Lurvy! LURVY Glad to, Mrs. Zuckerman! WILBUR You really think Farmer Zuckerman changed his mind? GOOSE How could he not-not-not?! WILBUR Isn�t that wonderful, Charlotte? CHARLOTTE Of course it is, dear. COW So... big... what�s so big? CHARLOTTE Oh, no. The flies are spoiling all my work. TEMPLETON I almost feel sorry for you. Nobody�s gonna come to see this embarrassing spectacle. CHARLOTTE That�s no problem. I can have it looking brand new by morning. TEMPLETON And then what? Everyone will just read the same thing they�ve read a thousand times. Sorry, pig, the party�s over. WILBUR It can�t be true... CHARLOTTE Hmm, Templeton may lack tact, but he raises a fair point. CHARLOTTE Everyone! We must hold a meeting! I shall begin by calling the roll. Wilbur? WILBUR Here! CHARLOTTE Cow? COW Here. CHARLOTTE Templeton? TEMPLETON Over here. CHARLOTTE Gander? GANDER Here. CHARLOTTE Goose? CHARLOTTE What can�t you just say �here�? Why do you have to repeat everything? GOOSE It�s my idio-idio-idiosyncrasy. CHARLOTTE Goslings, one through four? GOSLINGS Here, here, here, here, here CHARLOTTE Thank you. And our tight-lipped friend Junior? A nod will suffice. CHARLOTTE And Old Sheep? OLD SHEEP I�ve been here for ages. CHARLOTTE I called this meeting in order to get suggestions. I need new ideas for the web. If anybody can think of another message, or remark, I�ll be glad to weave it into the web. Any ideas? COW Pig... Supreme. CHARLOTTE Pig Supreme? That sounds like a rich dessert. We do not want to associate Wilbur with food of any kind. The word must speak to his character. OLD SHEEP Small? GOOSE Pink-pink-pink? CHARLOTTE These are physical attributes. Character comes from the inside. COW Manure? TEMPLETON HA! CHARLOTTE You two. What word came to mind when you first met each other? GOOSE Mmm...Hubba-Hubba-Hubba! GANDER Terrific. GOOSE Awww! Hmmm. CHARLOTTE Gander, you talk little but say much. Terrific it is. WILBUR But I�m not terrific. I�m just about average for a pig. CHARLOTTE You�re terrific as far as I�m concerned and that�s what counts. You�re my best friend and I think you�re sensational. Don�t you see? My plan is working, darling! Zuckerman thinks you are an unusual pig and therefore he won�t want to kill you and eat you. I dare say my trick will work and Wilbur�s life can be saved. NARRATOR Wilbur was happy. Charlotte had proven a true friend indeed. NARRATOR But something now bothered the pig. Ever since he learned of Zuckerman�s plan, all Wilbur had thought of was the axe hanging on the wall in the barn cellar... and what that axe would do to him. He had even grown accustomed to the idea. But now that it seemed he would live, what would he do now? What kind of pig would he become? LURVY Hey, boss! HOMER What is it Lurvy? � Edith! NARRATOR The news spread. People who had journeyed to see Wilbur when he was �some pig� came back again to see him now that he was �terrific.� EDITH Enjoy your plums, Mrs. Thompson. MRS THOMPSON Oh, these are for my old aunt Sally. She�s too feeble to make it all the way down here. Darn shame, she�d love to see your special pig. HOMER Are you thinking what I�m thinking? EDITH We must keep our customers satisfied. If they can�t come to the pig HOMER we take the pig to them. FERN Take Wilbur where? HOMER We�re taking Wilbur to town to show him off and sell some plums. FERN To town? May I come, please? EDITH Of course! How else will we know what Wilbur is saying? FERN Wilbur! Wilbur! You�re never going to believe this! NARRATOR Those were happy days for Wilbur. He felt certain that his life was saved... NARRATOR ...and he took great delight in the attention that everyone showered on him. HOMER Folks, from the same farm that brought you �Some Pig,� come and get �some plums!� EDITH Guaranteed to put a smack on your lips, a song in your heart... HOMER And a tickle in your toes, haha! Take it away, Lurvy! HOMER You�re gonna love �em! But hey don�t take my word for it, just ask old Wilbur here. FERN He says they�re delicious! You shouldn�t talk with your mouth full, Wilbur. CROWD Aww. EDITH Fern, isn�t that Henry Fussy over there? You ought to invite him to your party tomorrow. FERN Do I have to? EDITH Oh go on, the more the merrier! FERN Hi, Henry. What are you doing here? HENRY I�m with my Grandma. She heard something was happening on Main Street and wanted to see. FERN Um... say, would you like to come to my birthday party tomorrow? HENRY Why? FERN Because... you�re my friend. FERN Mrs. Fussy didn�t say anything. I want you to come. You can... teach me a new constellation. HENRY Really? FERN Mhmm. HENRY Gosh, thanks! I�ll be there! FERN Great. See you soon. GEORGE That�s quite a pig you got there. HOMER Why, George! How are ya? Yep, Wilbur is something, alright. Well, how about your stock? Any entries for the fair this year? GEORGE I do have one surly hog who might be a contender. Thinking of naming him after me crotchety uncle. But I dunno, Homer. Ten years a loser... man�s gotta know when to back down. HOMER Aw now, take it from me, George, good fortune is like lightning you never know when it will strike! GEORGE Maybe so. Say, you oughta enter Wilbur into the fair this year. HOMER Oh well, he�s a swell pig, but he is a runt. GEORGE You never know. GIRL What�s he saying now, Fern? FERN He says it�s his greatest pleasure to meet all of you! For those who haven�t met him before, this is my TERRIFIC pig Wilbur! His favorite activities are eating, sleeping, and dancing. DOLORES Fern! FERN Hi, Mama! FERN What�s wrong? DOLORES Hmmmph. FERN I didn�t feed the chickens. I�m sorry! When Uncle Homer said we were going to town, I forgot all about my chores. DOLORES I�m lucky Farmer Dunn called. If he hadn�t spotted you parading on Main Street, I wouldn�t have known where to find you. FERN I wasn�t parading. I was helping. I�m the only one who can translate for Wilbur. DOLORES You neglected all your responsibilities so you could pretend to talk to a pig?! FERN I�m not pretending. BOY 2 Fern! He�s talking again! FERN See? They need me. DOLORES Fern! EDITH Fern�s a child. She�s just having a bit of fun. If she didn�t do her chores, it�s not the end of the world. DOLORES At our farm, we take chores seriously. EDITH And we don�t? DOLORES You are using a dancing pig to sell plums! You run a farm, not a circus! EDITH No me digas c�mo hacer las cosas. DOLORES Alguien tiene que hacerlo. EDITH �No me juzguez! DOLORES Nothing to look at. Just a little family disagreement. DOLORES Anyhow, Edith, this is between me and Fern, so I�ll thank you for minding your own business. EDITH Ugh! WILBUR Oh! And, did I tell you about the buildings? WILBUR They�re as tall as this barn and they�re all around! OLD SHEEP Yes, Wilbur, I told you I�ve been to town before. On my way to the fair. WILBUR But have you been to the feed store? Farmers visit from all over. WILBUR Today was a really special day, of course, because Fern and I were there... TEMPLETON You know, Junior, I�m really starting to appreciate that you never talk. WILBUR ...and then Farmer Zuckerman gave me three plums because I had done such a good job. WILBUR You know, Charlotte, I used to think I was average, but... maybe I really am terrific. CHARLOTTE You are, Wilbur. Now, get some rest or you�ll be terrifically exhausted come tomorrow. WILBUR Okay. WILBUR I wonder if Farmer Zuckerman would let me sleep in the house. GANDER The barn�s good enough for the rest of us. WILBUR Oh, I-I didn�t mean... never mind. NARRATOR Although Wilbur should have felt a sense of deep satisfaction... something gnawed at him. A sense his cup wasn�t quite full. NARRATOR Fame can make you see life in a different light. NARRATOR What was once deeply satisfying now seems... small. NARRATOR And it slowly becomes impossible to see things as they really are. The whole world grows a bit off-kilter. PARTYGOERS Happy birthday to you PARTYGOERS Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Fern! Happy birthday to you! FERN It was unbelievable! Must have been a hundred people on Main Street, all just to see Wilbur. I�m glad I was there because without me, nobody would know what he was saying. I guess that�s because I�m �some girl�. FERN Thanks, Wilbur! He liked my joke. Anyways, Zeke at the General Store told me personally that HENRY Hi, Fern! Did you hear the news? There�s a comet coming! At the end of August. FERN Henry, I was in the middle of - HENRY It only comes every 92 years. It�s once in a lifetime! FERN And so is my 9th birthday. I�m sorry, Henry, but you need to worry about things here on Earth, not up in outer space. EDITH Everyone inside! HOMER Not you, sonny boy. Back inside the barn you go. WILBUR But I�m part of the family! I should be in the house! WILBUR Ugh, it�s not fair. I should be inside at the party. OLD SHEEP Good luck with that trick. In all my years, I�ve only seen dogs and cats pull that off. WILBUR Fern wants me there. I know she does. And besides, I helped Farmer Zuckerman sell all those plums. I deserve better. GOOSE Well, look who�s too good-good-good for the barn now. WILBUR So what if I am?! I�m Zuckerman�s famous pig! TEMPLETON Well, you�re only famous because of Charlotte. Without her, you�d be Zuckerman�s famous ham, heh. CHARLOTTE Templeton. WILBUR The webs wouldn�t have worked if what they said wasn�t true. TEMPLETON Oh, yeah? Then what if Charlotte stopped writing her webs? WILBUR Then I�d write my own. I�ll show you all! Templeton, do you have any string hidden away in that palace of yours? WILBUR Please tie one end to my tail. TEMPLETON Happy to oblige. WILBUR How do I start? CHARLOTTE Just hurl yourself into space and let out a dragline as you go down. WILBUR Oh... Okay, everybody watch! WILBUR Ahhhh! TEMPLETON Never seen a pig fly before... and I still haven�t! WILBUR It�s just my first try. CHARLOTTE Wilbur, enough. You lack the two things needed for spinning a web spinnerets and know-how. CHARLOTTE Where are you going? WILBUR To the hay loft. A famous pig shouldn�t have to sleep in the cellar. GOOSE Now, hold on, Pig. That thing is danger- danger-dangerous! WILBUR Well, if I�m really some pig, then I should be able to handle it. WILBUR Lesson 14� Sleep, sleep, sleep my only, Morning will come but soon... WILBUR Don�t weep, don�t be lonely, Sleep by the light of the moon. FERN I�ve never had this much fun before! AVERY Can we go already? FERN But I want to stay here! No, I want to live here! Then I could dance forever and ever and ever! JOHN Hmm, time to go, honey. You can dance at home. FERN But I can�t dance at home! I can�t do anything! We never do anything fun. You and Mama are so boring! JOHN Fern! DOLORES You don�t talk about your family that way! EDITH I�m sure she didn�t mean anything by it DOLORES This is your fault. EDITH My fault?! DOLORES The more time she spends here, the more she becomes like you. Una malcr�a! HOMER The barn! FERN Wilbur! GOOSE Hurry-hurry-hurry! Quick-quick-quick! Everyone, come on! GOOSE Hurry, Junior, quick! Hurry-hurry-hurry! OLD SHEEP Hurry! Hurry! Hurry, please! OLD SHEEP Thank you, Gander. Saved by the bill. TEMPLETON No! No... NO! My palace! All my work! JOHN I�ll get the animals out of the barn! HOMER Lurvy, get the pump going. Avery, grab some buckets. LURVY Yes, sir! EDITH Fire department is on the way. I�ll grab the cellar animals. DOLORES Manita, no it�s too dangerous. EDITH You don�t trust me?! FERN Stop fighting! Where�s Wilbur?! FERN Wilbur! CHARLOTTE Wilbur! Wilbur! JOHN Okay, come on now, let�s go, easy does it. Let�s go. GOSLINGS Wilbur-Wilbur-Wilbur! Wilbur! Wilbur- Wilbur-Wilbur! FERN Wilbur! Wilbur, where are you?! HOMER Now, hold on Fern, it�s too dangerous! HOMER I don�t see him anywhere! WILBUR Uhhh� uh�. CHARLOTTE Wilbur! WILBUR Charlotte? CHARLOTTE Over here! WILBUR Save me! Save me! CHARLOTTE You�re too big for me to carry, sweetheart. But the humans are looking for you. They don�t know that you�re up here. You must holler as loud as you can. WILBUR Uhh ok... WILBUR Fern! Fern! Can you hear me?! Please save me! DOLORES He�s up there! HOMER Woah! HOMER Hey Wilbur. Easy, pal, easy. Now, it�s just smoke. I gotcha. Come on, I gotcha. CHARLOTTE You can do it, Wilbur! HOMER Woahhh! DOLORES Homer! DOLORES Here! Down here! NARRATOR The fire was finally out and the humans had left to tend to Homer. NARRATOR But now darkness settled over everything and Wilbur was very afraid. NARRATOR A dozen times during the night, Wilbur woke and stared into the blackness, wondering what the day would bring. TEMPLETON A rat can�t get anything in this world. This is your fault, pig. WILBUR I know. And I�m... I�m sorry. OLD SHEEP What�s the ruckus? WILBUR I�m so sorry! This is all my fault! CHARLOTTE Oh, Wilbur. It�s not your fault. Don�t you know how lightning works? It�s electricity in the sky. It has nothing to do with you. WILBUR No, Charlotte! You all of you have been nothing but the best friends I could ever have! And I I thought I was too good for you. And now Farmer Zuckerman is hurt and it�s all my fault! OLD SHEEP There, there, little fella. You didn�t know any better. GOOSE He�s right-right-right. TEMPLETON Oh, speak for yourselves! If he hadn�t been hiding up in the hay loft, the humans would�ve had more time to put out the fire, ergo my supply might have been saved. So pig... I don�t forgive you! OLD SHEEP Shush, Rat! They�re coming EDITH Dr. Dorian�s still with him. He got here first thing this morning. JOHN Try not to worry. He�s the best physician in the county. LURVY I got those to safety, Mrs. Zuckerman. We only lost five or six bushels. All told, not so bad. LURVY And here�s something for the doc. EDITH Thank you. EDITH How�s he doing, doctor? DR DORIAN Given the height of the fall, I�d say your husband�s a lucky man. Simple arm fracture. He�ll be in a sling for six weeks, but he should make a full recovery EDITH Gracias a Dios. EDITH Looks like we have some long days ahead of us, Lurvy. LURVY Whatever�s needed, ma�am. EDITH Thank you. DR DORIAN Much obliged. Call me if anything changes. Take care now. JOHN C�mon, Lurv. I�ll help you straighten up inside. EDITH A barn to fix, plums to sell, animals to feed... EDITH You and John would never be in a mess like this. DOLORES Ay, manita. EDITH It�s true. I believed in Homer but... gosh, you were right. We wasted our money on a half-baked plan, and it was foolish. DOLORES I�m sorry I said those things last night. They weren�t true. EDITH When Homer fell, I was so scared. DOLORES We all were. But he�ll be fine. FERN I�m sorry I said you and Papa were boring. DOLORES It�s okay. We probably could dance a little more . EDITH How in the world will we ever pay for these repairs? DOLORES It�s a good question. FERN What? EDITH Fern, honey...with all these expenses piling up... DOLORES They�ll probably have to sell Wilbur, sweetheart. WILBUR No, Fern! Please do something! I don�t wanna go! DOLORES You know that�s what happens with farm animals. We never should�ve encouraged you. It was our fault. DOLORES Fern? Fern? FERN You said �probably have to sell Wilbur�. EDITH Fern, please listen... I don�t want to give you any false hopes FERN I�ll be back! FERN It�s simple. If I go to town and sell those plums, that�ll be more money to fix the barn. Then they won�t have to sell you at auction. WILBUR Will that really work? TEMPLETON See, in my walk of life, you get pretty familiar with economics. And fixing a barn will cost� ...yeah. Too many plums. FERN Don�t listen to him, Wilbur. I�ll sell all the plums I can, okay? I gotta go. Bye! WILBUR That sounds like a great plan... Doesn�t it? TEMPLETON Heh. Better spin another one of your webs, Charlotte. CHARLOTTE Templeton�s right. We tricked the humans not once, but twice. I say we give it another go. Shall we find another word?! BARN ANIMALS Absolutely!/Sure/yes-yes-yes-yes! CHARLOTTE Very good. Now what�s the most wonderful word you can think of? CHARLOTTE Sometimes life�s greatest conundrums can only be solved by the wisdom of a child. You Goslings... what�s the most wonderful word of all? GOSLINGS Mommy-mommy-mommy-mommy! GOSLINGS Daddy-daddy-daddy-daddy! CHARLOTTE Charming but unhelpful. OLD SHEEP They do say a picture is worth a thousand words. I knew a sheepdog who tried to describe the ocean CHARLOTTE Let�s stick to words, not pictures. TEMPLETON I know where to find words. More words than you could ever imagine. WILBUR Where? TEMPLETON I mean, I could withhold the information on account of my palace burning down thanks to the pig, but luckily I am a rat of great integrity, sooooo... GOOSE Just tell us! / Out with it! / C�mon, Templeton! GANDER Just tell us! / Out with it! / C�mon, Templeton! CHARLOTTE Just tell us! / Out with it! / C�mon, Templeton! OLD SHEEP Just tell us! / Out with it! / C�mon, Templeton! TEMPLETON Zuckerman�s dump. People throw away all kinds of things. Magazines, newspapers, catalogs, words galore! CHARLOTTE Why, that�s excellent. How long will it take you to get there? TEMPLETON Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa- whoa, I don�t remember volunteering for this expedition. CHARLOTTE Don�t you like the dump? TEMPLETON Sure I do, but how�s a tiny guy like me supposed to haul a bunch of magazines and whatnot by myself? CHARLOTTE Point taken. Could one of you go with Templeton? GOOSE Sure, I�ll go-go-go! GANDER No. Me. GOOSE But something could happen-happen- happen to you. GANDER Better me than you. OLD SHEEP Neither of you can go. Lurvy�s sharp. He�d catch on quick that you were gone. That goes for all of us. GOOSE That just might work. She is a quiet-little, quiet-little thing CHARLOTTE And with so many goslings, the farmhand wouldn�t notice one missing. Templeton? TEMPLETON C�mon, Junior, let�s see what you�re made of. TEMPLETON I suppose you go to war with the army ya got. DOLORES Thank you! FERN Don�t forget, tell all your friends! FERN Thanks again for helping me. DOLORES We must do what we can to help out, but I don�t want you getting your hopes too high. Repairs are expensive. FERN Oh, no! DOLORES What? FERN It�s Henry Fussy. I don�t want him to see me. I was mean to him at my party. DOLORES Then you should apologize. FERN Not now! DOLORES Henry! Come here! Fern would like to speak with you. TEMPLETON So I told myself, �This is the last time ol� Templeton is riding the subway.� But you know, Junior? I don�t regret my time in the city. No. I mean, where do you think all these street smarts came from, huh? A barn? Fat chance. OLD SHEEP I know you�re sad, Wilbur, but look at it this way... while you�re down in the dumps, Templeton and Junior are down at the dump. COW I get it. FERN I should never have said any of those things. It was selfish and thoughtless. And I�m sorry. HENRY Okay. FERN And the thing is, I�d love to see that comet. You said it yourself it�s once in a lifetime. HENRY Oh, that. Turns out, it�s only going to be visible for a few minutes after sunset. And it�s so close to the horizon, the mountains and trees will make it darn near impossible to see. FERN I�m sure we can figure something out. Wanna stay and help us sell plums and we can talk? TEMPLETON Well, here ya go. Our scummy Shangri-la. The vermin Valhalla, Zuckerman�s dump. Bask in her beauty, sport, she�s a wonder, heh heh. Whaddya think? TEMPLETON What is it? TEMPLETON Is that a... That�s a real live dictionary containing every word in the English language! Ha, Come On! TEMPLETON I�ll scurry to the top, push the book to the ground, tumble tumble tumble, and then you and me lug it home in time for a midnight snack. Good? TEMPLETON You�ll be my lookout, so if you see something... say... Uh, nothing, I guess. HENRY What do you mean? You can see everything in the country. In town, I barely see Sirius and that�s the most radiant star in our solar system. FERN But town is so exciting! There�s no tall buildings near our farm at all, and here they�re everywhere. What�s the tallest building you�ve ever been to? HENRY My grandpa took me to the tower in the courthouse once. Four stories up. He even pointed out your farmhouse to me. FERN Wowwww.... FERN Henry! I�ve got it! You said the comet was going to be too close to the horizon... HENRY Yeah... FERN So we just need to get high up enough to see it! Didn�t you say the comet was going to be in the sky the same time as the County Fair? HENRY The Ferris wheel! DOLORES I need four plums! FERN Sorry! TEMPLETON It�s hard to pick, but I think this�ll be my greatest accomplishment. The one they�ll remember me for. I�m glad you were here to see it, Junior. AVERY Bullseye! AVERY You tell your cronies Sheriff Avery is cleaning up this town, ya hear? AVERY Don�t move, you lily-livered varmint. AVERY ...you greasy, grubby, good-fornothin�... JUNIOR t- t- t- t- t- te...templeton! Hurry-hurry-hurry! You�re in danger-danger- dangerrrr!! AVERY I�m gonna get you! JUNIOR No time for the book. Run-run-runrun-run! TEMPLETON You take the high road, I�ll take the low road! TEMPLETON Whoooaaaa! TEMPLETON Whoooaaaa! Ahhh! TEMPLETON Ahhh! TEMPLETON Ahhh! TEMPLETON Ahhh! TEMPLETON Ahhh! oof! AVERY Ugh! JUNIOR Man down, let�s roll! AVERY Doggone it! WILBUR Uhh, what�s taking everybody so long? When will they get back? CHARLOTTE Well, we can only be patient, Wilbur. Now stop this pacing. It�s making me woozy. WILBUR Are you alright? CHARLOTTE I�m just getting old, that�s all. HOMER Howdy, all. HOMER Looks like we�re having the same kinda day, Wilbur. WILBUR I�m so sorry, Farmer Zuckerman. This is all my fault. WILBUR Please accept my apology. HOMER Never met a pig like you, Wilbur. HOMER Here, eat up, buddy. HOMER Ha. Some king. HOMER Whaddya think, Wilbur? Is the sun ever gonna shine again? We�re sure gonna need something to lift us outta these dark times. FERN If we time how long it takes for one turn of the Ferris wheel, we�ll know exactly when to get on so we can see the comet at exactly the right time. HENRY But it depends on how many people get on at each car. Some revolutions might be slower, some might be faster. FERN We can time ten of them and then use the average? HENRY Swell idea! FERN We only get one chance to see this thing we can�t mess up. HENRY Wow, thanks, Fern! The other kids at school make fun of me because I have a telescope. FERN Well, they make fun of me because I talk to a pig. FERN Gosh, I almost forgot about Wilbur. He�s the whole reason we were selling all these plums in the first place. JUNIOR If you hadn�t been jabbering-jabbering- jabbering like a fool the whole time... JUNIOR ...we could have gotten the dictionary before the boy got there-got there-got there. OLD SHEEP She talks? TEMPLETON Yup, a real chatterbox, too. GOOSE So she�s like me-me-me after all! CHARLOTTE Did you find a word? TEMPLETON Unfortunately, no. We almost scored a whole dictionary. Woulda got it, too, but we were ambushed. You�re lucky we got home in one piece. GOOSE Let me help you, darling. OLD SHEEP What luck! It�s a piece of newsprint! WILBUR Does it have words? CHARLOTTE Yes... Yes it does. Nicely done, Junior. JUNIOR Thank you-thank you-thank you. JOHN I don�t care how big the rat was everybody�s trying to help your aunt and uncle out and here you are fooling around in the dump. JOHN Your family needs you, son. Understood? AVERY I�m sorry, Papa. FERN We�re back! EDITH How did we do? HOMER Listen, I can�t thank you enough for this, Fern. It�s a real help. FERN So we can keep Wilbur? EDITH It is a real help, but it�s not enough. With all these expenses, it�s too pricey to keep feeding him. Look, we all love Wilbur as much as you do FERN No, you don�t! You want to kill him! DOLORES Fernanda! EDITH No, she�s right. I apologise. I should�ve chosen my words better. HOMER Oh honey, we know you love that pig more than anyone. But... it�s just not practical for us to keep Wilbur. EDITH We�ll take him to auction in the morning. AVERY I�m sorry, Fern. FERN I�ll go tell him. NARRATOR On a cloudy night, a farm seems almost black. And in the nothingness, a soul can feel lost, confused, even hopeless. NARRATOR But hope we must. After all� a rebellious star NARRATOR �can typically be counted on to hold a grudge against the darkness. NARRATOR And soon the eyes adjust. NARRATOR And the night is seen anew. FERN Radiant. HOMER Say, John. What do you reckon the prize is for a blue ribbon pig these days? JOHN I bet it�s a pretty penny. Sure could pay for these repairs. EDITH Remember he is a runt. HOMER Not in spirit, Edith. Not in spirit. HOMER Hey, Lurvy. LURVY Yeah, boss? HOMER I want you to build a crate for Wilbur. Make it large. And paint it with green and gold letters. LURVY What will the letters say, sir? HOMER Zuckerman�s Famous Pig. HOMER We�re Going To The County Fair! NARRATOR No pig ever had truer friends, and Wilbur realized that friendship is one of the most satisfying things in the world. CHARLOTTE Oh, poor, poor Wilbur. He has no idea.