BARRY BETTY_MCGEOWN BOY CHILDREN CUSHLA_LAVERY DAVY DAVY_MCGEOWN EAMONN EAMONN_LAVERY ERIN FATHER_SLATTERY FIDEL GERRY GERRY_HARKIN GINA_LAVERY GIRL HARRY HORACE_RUMPOLE JANE JIMMY_MCKENNA JIM_SCOTT JOE MAN MANDY_MCGEOWN MICHAEL_AGNEW MINTY NEWS_PRESENTER PENNY_SCOTT PRINCIPAL_BRADLEY PRIVATE_HARRIS PRIVATE_JONES RADIO_NEWS_PRESENTER RADIO_PRESENTER SEAMIE_MCGEOWN SEAN SERGEANT_REID SOLDIER SOLDIER_1 SOLDIER_2 TOMMY_MCGEOWN VICTOR_MCINTYRE WOMAN WOMAN_ON_TV WOMAN_ON_TV_2 ZOE CUSHLA LAVERY Fuck up, Dusty. CUSHLA LAVERY You alright Fidel, you alright Minty? MINTY Cushla. CUSHLA LAVERY What�s the craic, yous all good? FIDEL How�s the form? CUSHLA LAVERY Good. EAMONN LAVERY Are ya trying to rub their Proddy noses in it? BARRY The younger generation now taking part in stone throwing. Catholic youths battled across the so-called Peace Wall. FIDEL There�s no wall high enough. No offence, Eamonn. EAMONN LAVERY None taken, Fidel. JIMMY MCKENNA Nothing beats a wee taste of Lifebuoy. With a dish cloth. BARRY On a brighter note, Terry Kennedy has taken to the streets of Belfast to. MAN Ping! BARRY Gauge public opinion on streaking after a recent incident at a Rangers game. MINTY Barry�s had his beard trimmed. FIDEL Makes his forehead look big.There�s a man with too much time on his hands. WOMAN ON TV That�s good. Different from anything else. EAMONN State of that. WOMAN ON TV 2 I think it�s ridiculous. In the first place, it�s far too cold. MINTY Might you be up for a bit of that, Cushla? CUSHLA LAVERY What about you, Minty? Could buff up your big belly and have it shining like a full moon. You'd be a celestial wonder. Two moons, front and back. EAMONN LAVERY It�s been a good wee while, Michael. MICHAEL AGNEW Eamonn. How are you? FIDEL Belfast too hot for you? Judas bastard. EAMONN LAVERY What can I get you? MICHAEL AGNEW I�ll have a Jameson please. EAMONN LAVERY Take a seat by the fire and I�ll bring it over. MICHAEL AGNEW No, I�m comfortable here at the bar. EAMONN LAVERY Alright there? What�s it to be? MICHAEL AGNEW Thank you. SOLDIER 1 Go on then pretty boy. I thought you were a mad bastard. Glass! Glass! Glass! Glass! Glass! Glass! Oh. SOLDIER 2 Oh, you�re a fuckin� mad prick. PRIVATE JONES Wash that mouth out. CUSHLA LAVERY Jesus! PRIVATE JONES Man down. PRIVATE JONES You alright? Hey! Oh. PRIVATE HARRIS Calm down, Jones. PRIVATE JONES What?! PRIVATE HARRIS You know what. PRIVATE JONES Great arse. PRIVATE HARRIS That�s her brother up there. Watch yourself. CUSHLA LAVERY Did you see what that soldier just did? EAMONN LAVERY No. CUSHLA LAVERY Yeah, you did, you liar. Call the barracks. EAMONN LAVERY I�m calling no-one. CUSHLA LAVERY Call the barracks now. Mummy�d do it if she was here. EAMONN LAVERY Daddy knew better. Head down. Mouth shut. Bar open. PRIVATE JONES Four lagers. PRIVATE JONES Nice view. PRIVATE JONES Old man, she�s pretending she can�t hear me. MICHAEL AGNEW Perhaps because you�re humiliating her. PRIVATE JONES Come on, mate. Just having a laugh. MICHAEL AGNEW Ah, humour is most effective when it�s mutual. MICHAEL AGNEW Take him home, lads. Come on, back to the barracks with ye. PRIVATE HARRIS Hey, come on. Let�s go. PRIVATE JONES Alright, alright. PRIVATE HARRIS Come on then. Let�s go. PRIVATE HARRIS Sorry. FIDEL Staying for another one, lads? MICHAEL AGNEW Could you throw another in there for me, please. Would you like one yourself? CUSHLA LAVERY I�m teaching in the morning. Thank you though. MICHAEL AGNEW Helen Mirren�s put to poor use in this, in my opinion. and McDowell he�s been pigeon-holed since Clockwork Orange. CUSHLA LAVERY I couldn�t finish that book, never mind the film. MICHAEL AGNEW The film�s beautiful, even the violence is exquisite. CUSHLA LAVERY He wrote that book after his wife had been attacked by soldiers. MICHAEL AGNEW He turned his suffering into art. CUSHLA LAVERY I�d rather art without the suffering. I�m sure his wife would too. MICHAEL AGNEW Can you have one without the other? CUSHLA LAVERY God, what are you? An artist? MICHAEL AGNEW No, but they do say that all barristers are frustrated actors. CUSHLA LAVERY Ah. CUSHLA LAVERY Ah, Jesus Christ, Ma! The curtains open for the whole world to see! GINA LAVERY Sure who�d waste a bullet on me? CUSHLA LAVERY I�m gonna come in one day and find you burnt to a crisp. GINA LAVERY You wish. CUSHLA LAVERY Right, come on. GINA LAVERY Uh, oh... Were yous busy? CUSHLA LAVERY Yep. The usual. And some soldiers. GINA LAVERY Scum. You missed a career as a fire safety officer. CUSHLA LAVERY And a man. GINA LAVERY Mm? CUSHLA LAVERY Michael. GINA LAVERY Ah. CUSHLA LAVERY In his forties. Dark. Awfully, awfully. GINA LAVERY Oh, Michael Agnew?! There is a blast from the past. A posh Prod. Lives in one of them big houses up on the hill. CUSHLA LAVERY You know him? GINA LAVERY Aye. He used to come into the bar a fair bit years ago. Your Daddy liked him. He was good craic, kept his politics at home back then.Christ, I hope he doesn�t bring trouble in on Eamonn. CUSHLA LAVERY How do you mean? GINA LAVERY He upsets his Proddy lot by defending some of our lads. Aye. He was gorgeous back then. He�d charm the knickers off you. GINA LAVERY Well.from what I hear, the wife�s a sorry story. CUSHLA LAVERY Sorry how? GINA LAVERY Fond of the drink. CUSHLA LAVERY Fond of the drink, is she? God bless her. GINA LAVERY Aye. CUSHLA LAVERY Right, let�s get you to bed. GINA LAVERY Yeah. CUSHLA LAVERY One, two, thre GINA LAVERY Ah. CUSHLA LAVERY Up we go. There you are. Come on, you. Slowly. CUSHLA LAVERY And finally, Br�d Quinn. CUSHLA LAVERY Okay. How about a wee story before assembly? SEAN What about news, Miss? CUSHLA LAVERY Okay. A quick news. Who�s first? DAVY MCGEOWN There was a bomb in Belfast. SEAN He says that every day. CUSHLA LAVERY Well, today he�s right. Thank you. SEAN It wasn�t in Belfast. It was an incendiary device intended for the British Army, planted near the border by the INLA but exploded prematurely, killing two boys. ZOE What�s the INLA, Miss? SEAN Irish National Liberation Army. CUSHLA LAVERY Sean, you could be on Mastermind. Chosen subject Acronyms of The Troubles. ZOE There was a thing about streaking. CUSHLA LAVERY There was. ZOE You�re blushing, Miss! DAVY MCGEOWN She�s scundered thinking of them streakers in the nude! CUSHLA LAVERY Excuse me! FATHER SLATTERY Everything in hand, Miss Lavery? Sit down! What age are you? DAVY MCGEOWN Eight. FATHER SLATTERY I�ll tell you a story about an eight-year-old. And you�d better be listening most of all, Davy McGeown. Living in that Protestant estate. Surrounded by them. FATHER SLATTERY The wee Catholic girl went out on a message for her Mammy. A gang of Protestant men pulled her into an entry CUSHLA LAVERY Okay. That�s the bell. Assembly everyone. Let�s go. Come on. SEAN Your smelly lot DAVY MCGEOWN Shut up! CUSHLA LAVERY Single file, no fighting. Come on, Zoe, let�s go. CUSHLA LAVERY Mummy! Mummy, I�m gonna be late for my shift! CUSHLA LAVERY Mummy? RADIO PRESENTER Believed to be engaged to a British soldier, was tied to a lamppost and tarred and feathered in Londonderry. CUSHLA LAVERY Come on, Mummy. Up to bed. Let�s go. Mummy.. CUSHLA LAVERY For fuck�s sake, Mummy! GINA LAVERY Uh. CUSHLA LAVERY Uh. CUSHLA LAVERY I can�t just leave her on the floor in this state. Eamonn, she�s getting worse. EAMONN LAVERY Cushla, I have to go. There�s a few in. The scum are acting up again. CUSHLA LAVERY Oh, right. Who�s there? EAMONN LAVERY The usual and Michael, your �hero� from last night. CUSHLA LAVERY Davy! CUSHLA LAVERY You okay? Let�s get you inside. DAVY Yeah CUSHLA LAVERY Let�s get you inside. CUSHLA LAVERY You�re soaked to the skin. PRINCIPAL BRADLEY Davy McGeown, where�s your coat? DAVY MCGEOWN I forgot it. CUSHLA LAVERY Go and get settled for me. PRINCIPAL BRADLEY And tell your Protestant mother, we Catholics look after our children! PRINCIPAL BRADLEY Mixed marriages are an abomination. GERRY HARKIN A watched kettle. CUSHLA LAVERY Does actually boil. GERRY HARKIN Mm. How�s your morning going? CUSHLA LAVERY Father Slattery was in with another horrific story. GERRY HARKIN Ugh. I get the guitar out when I see him coming. Drowns him out. CUSHLA LAVERY Not even he deserves that. GERRY HARKIN Do you remember Louise? Taught P3 last term before they fired her. She�s working in a shoe shop in Wolverhampton now. CUSHLA LAVERY Did the fella go with her? GERRY HARKIN Course not. He�s still here with his wife. All forgiven. CUSHLA LAVERY What sort of shrivelled soul would write to the Bishop about someone else�s love life? GERRY HARKIN You know what this place is like. Do you wanna come to a party on Saturday night in Belfast? My housemate�s moving out. CUSHLA LAVERY Alright, go on, Gerry. It�s better than watching the Generation Game with my Mummy. CUSHLA LAVERY Davy! DAVY MCGEOWN Davy McGeown! Is it getting into cars with strangers you are? You of all people better watch yourself! DAVY MCGEOWN Turn in here. CUSHLA LAVERY Mhmm. DAVY MCGEOWN We�re down the back. Like cornered rats, our Tommy says. GIRL Stink of Fenian scum off you DAVY MCGEOWN There�s our Tommy. CUSHLA LAVERY Shall I stop for him? DAVY MCGEOWN Sure, he�s home now. TOMMY MCGEOWN Shut up, you Orange bastards. BOY You got a problem, mate? DAVY MCGEOWN There�s Mummy and Mandy. BOY Look, his wee mummy out to protect him. BETTY MCGEOWN What did I tell you about a coat? DAVY MCGEOWN My head�s like a sieve. CUSHLA LAVERY Ah, I�d better go on. I�m gonna be late. BETTY MCGEOWN Thanks for bringing him home. Come on, in. For your tea. Go on. And you Tommy, please. BOY Fuck off back to Taigland! GERRY HARKIN Hiya. CUSHLA LAVERY Hi. Oh, Jesus. GERRY HARKIN What? GINA LAVERY I�m Gina. GERRY HARKIN How are ya? I�m Gerry. GINA LAVERY And where are you from, Gerry? GERRY HARKIN Er. CUSHLA LAVERY Okay, we actually don�t have time for, Who�s Your Granny? because we�re due in Belfast now. So. GINA LAVERY Excuse me if your Mammy wants to meet the man who�s taking you off into the night! CUSHLA LAVERY All you want to know is - is he Catholic and is he single? And he is, and he is. So, let�s go. GERRY HARKIN Er, I�ll call in next time, Mrs Lavery. GINA LAVERY Better you knock on my door than me knock at your window. CUSHLA LAVERY I�m sorry about her. GERRY HARKIN Scundered. CUSHLA LAVERY You needn�t have picked me up, Gerry. I could have got the train. GERRY HARKIN Ach, I don�t mind. Besides, you would have missed this! GERRY HARKIN Yeah! SOLDIER Where you going? GERRY HARKIN A party. SOLDIER I want an address. GERRY HARKIN Why? Do you wanna come? SOLDIER Looks like we�ve got a comedian here. GERRY HARKIN No, we�re going to St. Paul�s Terrace. SOLDIER Step out. SOLDIER To the wall. SOLDIER 2 You�ve the warpaint on, sweetheart. CUSHLA LAVERY We�re going to a party. SOLDIER Spread your legs. SOLDIER 2 Your boyfriend on a promise? CUSHLA LAVERY No. SOLDIER 2 You�re teasing him then? SOLDIER Go on. SOLDIER 2 You�re a prick-tease. GERRY HARKIN Hello! Well, what�s the craic? The size of you! WOMAN Cheeky fucker! GERRY HARKIN Joe, Harry. This is Cushla from school I told yous about. HARRY Nice to meet you. What happened? GERRY HARKIN Er. checkpoint. HARRY The bastards. You wouldn�t have many soldiers over your way, I suppose. CUSHLA LAVERY Sure, the barracks is out by us. JOE Doesn�t she feed and water them? Her people have a pub. Hardly a pub left up our way. HARRY Aye, just the ones that haven't been blown up. Yet. JOE They�ll not bother with yours. CUSHLA LAVERY Actually, my brother stands behind the bar every night afraid to open his mouth in case he offends somebody and ends up on a loyalist hit list. But he did load me up with some out-of- date cider. So. HARRY Nothing we can�t endure. CUSHLA LAVERY Like Gerry�s guitar playing. HARRY Yes! She�s absolutely done you there! GERRY HARKIN I thought you liked it. JOE She�s not wrong, like. HARRY, GERRY & GROUP Back through the glen, I rode again My heart with grief was sore For I parted with those valiant men. CUSHLA LAVERY I�m going to the bathroom. HARRY, GERRY & GROUP Whom I�ll never see no more For to and fro in my dreams I go And I kneel and I pray for you. MAN Alright? GERRY HARKIN I hope you had a good night. CUSHLA LAVERY I had a great night. It�s nice to get out. CUSHLA LAVERY Uh! GERRY HARKIN Sorry! Sorry. No, I, I thought. CUSHLA LAVERY Fuck! Erm. GERRY HARKIN I thought, you know. CUSHLA LAVERY No, I know. Just. no, Gerry. GERRY Sorry. Er. Uh Is this us done then? CUSHLA LAVERY I mean, we could still go out. GERRY HARKIN Well, I�d be happy with that. CUSHLA LAVERY Me too. I need a life. GERRY HARKIN Jesus, I can�t promise you a life, Cushla.Just the odd outing. CUSHLA LAVERY I�ll take it. GINA LAVERY Did you�s have a nice night? CUSHLA LAVERY Grand. Gerry�s a good sport. HORACE RUMPOLE Prose, in the dead language of. GINA LAVERY Your man was in the paper tonight. In his frock and wig. CUSHLA LAVERY Who? GINA LAVERY Michael Agnew. Banging on about police brutality again. He�ll not do himself any favours, saying things like that out loud. CUSHLA LAVERY It�s brave of him. GINA LAVERY Brave or reckless. He should know to keep his mouth shut. EAMONN LAVERY The Anchor. CUSHLA LAVERY Hi Eamonn. It�s me. You can put me down for some shifts. EAMONN LAVERY Oh, aye? How many, like? CUSHLA LAVERY Say three for now. EAMONN LAVERY That�d be great. I need you tomorrow night. Why the sudden urge to help? CUSHLA LAVERY Because if I stay in with Mummy, I might actually kill her. EAMONN LAVERY Thanks, Cushla. Nightie, night. CUSHLA LAVERY Night. PRINCIPAL BRADLEY I have called this emergency assembly because the father of one of our pupils is in hospital. The best thing we can do now is say a wee prayer. FATHER SLATTERY Davy McGeown�s father was left for dead by a loyalist gang last night. Mr McGeown was a good Catholic man who made the mistake of marrying the enemy. But even though Mr McGeown brought this on himself, these loyalist murder gangs are hungry for all Catholic blood. Your Daddies could be next! GERRY HARKIN Will we sing a wee song? CHILDREN Yeah! GERRY HARKIN Come on. Drowning in bullets and bombs.Stacking up wrong after wrong.Where will this bloody fight end?If we don�t learn to make amends.Take away the hate and violence. Bring love into our hearts. Take away the hate and violence. Let�s finally give peace a head start. PRINCIPAL BRADLEY Alright, enough. Here. GERRY HARKIN Sirens they wail through the night. GERRY HARKIN Fingers on lips. Good man. Erin, will you wait at the door for me, please? ERIN Okay. GERRY HARKIN Thank you. Lovely. CUSHLA LAVERY Fair play Gerry Harkin. You're the only one with the balls to stand up to that lunatic. GERRY HARKIN Thank you for your expert clapping. CUSHLA LAVERY Do you think I should go round the McGeowns? GERRY HARKIN Give them a wee while I�d say. Oh, here.What about another wee trip to Belfast on Friday? The theatre. I promise not to lob the gob this time. CUSHLA LAVERY Theatre? GERRY HARKIN Mm. CUSHLA LAVERY Aye, go on. Aren�t we awfully awfully? MICHAEL AGNEW I�m sorry. There you are. MICHAEL AGNEW Erm, Penny, Jim, this is Cushla. CUSHLA LAVERY Hello. PENNY SCOTT Hello. JIM SCOTT Right, shall I get us a drink? MICHAEL AGNEW Ah, that�d be great. JIM SCOTT Cushla? CUSHLA LAVERY My friend�s actually getting me one. PENNY SCOTT So, how do you know each other? MICHAEL AGNEW Well, I know everybody. GERRY HARKIN Alright. CUSHLA LAVERY Gerry, this is Michael Agnew, and his friend, Penny. GERRY HARKIN Gerry. How�s about yous? PENNY SCOTT Hello. PENNY SCOTT Well, I hope you enjoy the show. VICTOR MCINTYRE I�m surprised to see you here, Michael. MICHAEL AGNEW Hi Victor. VICTOR MCINTYRE Thought you�d gone underground. MICHAEL AGNEW Why? Fuck Special Branch. VICTOR MCINTYRE Do you wanna say that louder so everyone can hear? MICHAEL AGNEW I�ve got one extra. Are you enjoying the play? CUSHLA LAVERY It�s sad.I erm, I like the way he calls the, the town Ballybeg. Small town. MICHAEL AGNEW Do you speak Irish? CUSHLA LAVERY Yeah. From school and teacher training. MICHAEL AGNEW And you�ve got an Irish name. CUSHLA LAVERY Yeah. A made-up one from a song. A chuisle mo chro�. The pulse of my heart. MICHAEL AGNEW That�s, that�s beautiful. A chuisle mo chro�.My friends and I are trying to learn Irish. We meet at Penny and Jim�s house. Will you come and teach us sometime? GERRY HARKIN Alright? MICHAEL AGNEW Gerry. CUSHLA LAVERY Hi. MICHAEL AGNEW Sorry. CUSHLA LAVERY Bye. I�ll drink that as well.It�s a nice set, isn�t it? GERRY HARKIN Yeah. Really good. The actor playing S.B. is breaking my heart. CUSHLA LAVERY Yeah. CUSHLA LAVERY Why would Special Branch be interested in Michael Agnew? GERRY HARKIN They think he's a traitor, defending young IRA lads and banging on about police brutality. CUSHLA LAVERY And does he defend them? GERRY HARKIN No! Just some of our young stone throwers. Tries to talk them out of joining, gets them to recognise the courts. Which makes him a �willing agent of the evil system�, so the RA hate him, and the Peelers hate him. And even his own Proddy lot hate him. Poor fucker. CUSHLA LAVERY You can�t win in this place. GERRY HARKIN Aye, he�s alright. but I�d not take a drink off him. GINA LAVERY Ah, look who it is. WOMAN How are you? You�re looking gorgeous. GINA LAVERY Thank you. CUSHLA LAVERY Davy tells me you�re doing English for your A levels? What texts are you reading? TOMMY MCGEOWN Passage to India. And The Woodlanders. CUSHLA LAVERY Have you read Jude the Obscure? TOMMY MCGEOWN Is it good? CUSHLA LAVERY Oh, it�s the best. I didn�t pick up another book for months after. TOMMY MCGEOWN I can�t get to the library till Daddy�s home. CUSHLA LAVERY I can loan you my copy. How�s your Daddy doing? TOMMY MCGEOWN He�s got a fractured skull. Both legs broken. Cracked rib. Collapsed lung. Ruptured spleen. Those Proddy bastards slashed his hands and wrists with a nail hammered into a plank. CUSHLA LAVERY Look, why don�t you take my number and you can give me a call if you need anything. TOMMY MCGEOWN Alright. Er, what�s the number? CUSHLA LAVERY 4, 2, 8, 7, 6. MANDY MCGEOWN That�s his wee poem book TOMMY MCGEOWN Give over. DAVY MCGEOWN Hello, Mrs Lavery. GINA LAVERY Alright, Davy. DAVY MCGEOWN Daddy was beat up for loving my Mummy. TOMMY MCGEOWN Hey! DAVY MCGEOWN He�s still in hospital. GINA LAVERY Aye. I heard. Terrible carry on. Stop in home. I�ve got a wee something for Mrs McGeown. DAVY MCGEOWN Mummy! Mrs Lavery�s here. GINA LAVERY Hi Betty. I brought you a wee pie. CUSHLA LAVERY Sorry, Betty. DAVY MCGEOWN Alright fellas. Where were we? GINA LAVERY Oh, you could hang those outside. MANDY MCGEOWN The neighbours keep cutting down our washing line. DAVY MCGEOWN They throw dog shite over the fence. GINA LAVERY Ah, Jesus! TOMMY MCGEOWN You�re a wee dog shite. GINA LAVERY A half hour should do it. Right... We better get on. BETTY MCGEOWN You won�t stay? GINA LAVERY Ah, no, but thanks, Betty. BETTY MCGEOWN Well, thanks to you. GINA LAVERY Go back inside, Tommy. BOY Pathetic. TOMMY MCGEOWN They�ve come to taunt us. GINA LAVERY I know, love. Let me handle it. Go mind your family. GIRL Oi, lady muck! BOY Did you bring me my dinner too? She looks like a dog�s dinner. GINA LAVERY Take yourselves off! GIRL It�s a free country. GINA LAVERY Now! BOY You gonna fuckin� let her speak to you like that? GINA LAVERY Come on. GIRL Don�t touch me! GINA LAVERY Fuck away off around your own door! Go on. GIRL Piss off aul doll! CUSHLA LAVERY Mummy! GINA LAVERY I know. CUSHLA LAVERY Jesus Christ, Ma. The McGeown�s have to live here. GINA LAVERY I know. As far as the ones round here are concerned she�s worse than a Catholic for marrying one. They were saying at the hairdressers, even her own family don�t talk to her. BOY Fenian bastards! GIRL Piss off. don�t come back BARRY Headlines on Monday evening at seven o�clock. The body of a man was found off the Shore Road by a woman walking her dog. MICHAEL AGNEW Come to our Irish language night. CUSHLA LAVERY Help you exoticise the natives? MICHAEL AGNEW It�s in Belfast,so I could pick you up at seven on Monday. CUSHLA LAVERY Er, I�m away with Gerry! GINA LAVERY I thought he was gonna call in? BARRY Stay safe and good night. CUSHLA LAVERY Fidel�s running a UDA meeting up there. Pity it clashes with your Irish night. (they laugh) SOLDIER Sorry, Sir. There�s a bit of an incident up ahead. I�m gonna have to ask you to turn back, please. JIM SCOTT F�ilte! MICHAEL AGNEW That�s impressive. JIM SCOTT Thank you very much. MICHAEL AGNEW How are you two? JIM SCOTT Come on in. I�m grand. Here, hang your coat up there. Ah, Cushla, you�re in for a treat. Penny has made her world famous moussaka. MICHAEL AGNEW Penny, Cushla was just admiring your Donegal painting. PENNY SCOTT Oh God. It�s the only painting of mine I actually like. I�m mucking about with sculpture now. JIM SCOTT Michael, here. Help yourself. MICHAEL AGNEW Do you want a glass of wine? CUSHLA LAVERY Yes, please. PENNY SCOTT You�re very welcome, Cushla. CUSHLA LAVERY Thank you. It all looks lovely. PENNY SCOTT Oh, thank you. Yeah, I hope you�re hungry. (they chuckle) And thanks for coming for this Irish lesson. PENNY SCOTT Jane! Come here. JANE Penny! MICHAEL AGNEW Victor. PENNY SCOTT It�s good to see you. Right. there. Okay, get stuck in there. Those are for you. Cushla, go on ahead. JIM SCOTT There you are, good sir. MICHAEL AGNEW Thank you. MICHAEL AGNEW Mm. VICTOR MCINTYRE Not a moment too soon. JANE Oh, you don�t like it? CUSHLA LAVERY I just, I didn�t expect it to be fishy. VICTOR MCINTYRE Well, it is fish. CUSHLA LAVERY I�m okay. VICTOR MCINTYRE Michael tells me you�re a native speaker. CUSHLA LAVERY I did it for my A-levels. JIM SCOTT Ah! CUSHLA LAVERY Can I help with anything? PENNY SCOTT Yes, would you grab the moussaka out of the oven there please. Thank you, sweetheart. VICTOR MCINTYRE Did you hear Campbell College won the Cup? MICHAEL AGNEW Aye, yeah. I bumped into that fella� the captain... of the Royals when we� won. VICTOR MCINTYRE Trevor? MICHAEL AGNEW Trevor. VICTOR MCINTYRE Trevor. Yeah. Yeah, I see him about sometimes. Time has not been kind. JANE Victor, don�t be so mean. Be nice CUSHLA LAVERY Agh! VICTOR MCINTYRE You should see this guy. MICHAEL AGNEW Agh, you�ve burned yourself. Come here. Sink�s over there. PENNY SCOTT Oh, poor Cushla. JANE That looks marvellous. PENNY SCOTT There we go. MICHAEL AGNEW Whatever way you want to deny it, Victor, you know police brutality creates terrorists out of bored young fellas who are throwing stones for kicks. VICTOR MCINTYRE Aye, so you keep telling us. JANE Pass along the Chianti, Cushla. VICTOR MCINTYRE You�ve not said a word against IRA brutality. They�re kneecapping the very same young fellas you�re defending. MICHAEL AGNEW I�m not endorsing the IRA, Victor. JIM SCOTT Penny, how much garlic did you put in this? PENNY SCOTT You can never have enough garlic, Jim. Isn�t that right? PENNY SCOTT Jane, would you like some more moussaka? JANE Why not. PENNY SCOTT Cushla? CUSHLA LAVERY No thank you. PENNY SCOTT Do you not like it? JIM SCOTT Sl�inte. JIM SCOTT Right, shall we do this? CUSHLA LAVERY Erm. If yous just talk amongst yourselves and I�ll just see where you�re at. PENNY SCOTT Alright, Michael. Go, you start. MICHAEL AGNEW Absolutely not. VICTOR MCINTYRE Well, how about you tell us the Irish for �no�. CUSHLA LAVERY N� hea. VICTOR MCINTYRE But that doesn�t quite mean �no�. CUSHLA LAVERY Well, it can do. VICTOR MCINTYRE It means, it isn�t. That�s a tad slippery, don�t you think? CUSHLA LAVERY What do you mean, slippery? VICTOR MCINTYRE Evasive. Non-committal. If someone offers you a drink, how do you say �no�? CUSHLA LAVERY N�or mhaith. VICTOR MCINTYRE That sounds like a proclamation. PENNY SCOTT Oh, Victor. CUSHLA LAVERY Well, why don�t we start with some simple phrases about how we�re feeling. MICHAEL AGNEW Great. Yeah. CUSHLA LAVERY Er, like. T� m� l�n. I�m full. PENNY SCOTT Ah, yes. CUSHLA LAVERY Agus t� Victor cantalach. And Victor�s cranky. JIM SCOTT Ah, well. Fair. Good point. PENNY SCOTT Yeah, she�s not wrong. JIM SCOTT Well made. MICHAEL AGNEW How do you say that? CUSHLA LAVERY Dhearth�ir. CUSHLA LAVERY If you just wanna pull in under there. MICHAEL AGNEW Why? What are you planning to do? CUSHLA LAVERY Not get tarred and feathered. MICHAEL AGNEW Fair enough. MICHAEL AGNEW So, will you come and teach us again? MICHAEL AGNEW My circumstances are complicated. I won�t always be able to get away. CUSHLA LAVERY But you sometimes will? MICHAEL AGNEW Yeah. CUSHLA LAVERY Okay. CUSHLA LAVERY Okay, everybody. Easy on the corridors please. Slowly. DAVY MCGEOWN Daddy came home last night. Do you wanna come and see him? CUSHLA LAVERY Ach, Davy. I don�t think he�s gonna wanna see me. I think it�s best if you just leave it for family. DAVY MCGEOWN But I told him all about you. CUSHLA LAVERY G�won then. DAVY MCGEOWN Mummy. BETTY MCGEOWN Hi. Come on in. Ooh! Thanks for coming. Mind that there. That�s the second one they�ve left us today. MANDY MCGEOWN Do the job said Mr Templeton. There�s plenty of capital for. DAVY MCGEOWN Daddy. this is my teacher. BETTY MCGEOWN Miss Lavery�s been good to us. Er. Come round here. SEAMIE MCGEOWN GIRL What�s her problem? BOY Was she crying? EAMONN LAVERY Now you don�t want the shifts? CUSHLA LAVERY I�m sorry, Eamonn. I just didn�t realise how much extra school work I�d have with the communions and stuff. EAMONN LAVERY So, you won�t do any at all? CUSHLA LAVERY No, none. Not for a while. NEWS PRESENTER Has been shot dead as he worked, sweeping roads near his home on the lower Ormeau Road. It�s the fourth fatality in the city in two days. Earlier, the funeral took place... SERGEANT REID Trading eggs on the black market? CUSHLA LAVERY My class paints them for Easter. SERGEANT REID Ah, just as well. You wouldn�t get much past me. RADIO NEWS PRESENTER Battled the IRA on the Falls road in. Belfast.who risked her own life to. CUSHLA LAVERY Hello? MICHAEL AGNEW It�s Michael. I�ve not seen you in the pub all week. CUSHLA LAVERY No. How did you get my number? MICHAEL AGNEW Erm, the phonebook. I�ll be passing yours in two minutes. I, I could pick you up? CUSHLA LAVERY That�s not a good idea. For a million different reasons. MICHAEL AGNEW I�ve had way worse. CUSHLA LAVERY Seriously. It�s daft and it�s dangerous. MICHAEL AGNEW I�ll take us somewhere no one will see us. Please. Just, just to talk. CUSHLA LAVERY I just sobbed the whole way home. All Seamie McGeown did was marry a Protestant. MICHAEL AGNEW It�s not about what you do here. It�s about what you are. To them, he�s a traitor. To me, he�s a brave romantic. CUSHLA LAVERY I just hate the way this place makes you one thing or the other. MICHAEL AGNEW Well, that�s why we must make ourselves. CUSHLA LAVERY Easier said than done. I come from a long line of Catholics that have survived by keeping their heads down and their mouths shut. Having a big opinion like yours is a luxury I don�t have. MICHAEL AGNEW No. No! That�s, that�s not true. It�s not. CUSHLA LAVERY What, so I should just say what I want? Be with who I want, even if it means that I lose my job, or, I put Eamonn in danger or people throw dog shite at Mummy�s washing line? MICHAEL AGNEW Yes, absolutely. Even if people call you selfish or, stupid, or a Judas bastard. We must find the bravery to choose freedom over fear. CUSHLA LAVERY So, taking up with you is a political act of defiance? CUSHLA LAVERY No, it�s rich. I get to be brave, and you get your bit on the side. MICHAEL AGNEW Look, if you don�t want to be with me because I�m married or I�m old or an awful kisser, then look, that�s one thing. That I accept. But we cannot let the old bigots and the boys with guns tell us how to live. We just can�t. Otherwise nothing will ever change. Hate wins. MICHAEL AGNEW I best get back. I�ve gotta prepare for court tomorrow. CUSHLA LAVERY You�re not the only one with an important workload. I have to hard boil thirty eggs. Without cracking them! MICHAEL AGNEW Ah. Uh. CUSHLA LAVERY What are you at? MICHAEL AGNEW Aah. Put these with the eggs. Ah. You know they say it�s unlucky to gift gorse, both for the giver and receiver. I�m more than happy to take my chances with you, Cushla.