BERNARD COLLEGE_KIDS CRAIG HARU JAIME KENNETH LILYPAD PROFESSOR STUDENT_1 STUDENT_2 TOUR_GUIDE YOUNG_BERNARD


HARU
heart of the forest, please answer me. the
war rages closer to my village. if we don’t
break the curse soon, then my village will 
be destroyed and i’ll never see my friends
again.
LILYPAD
it’s hopeless. the fires have weakened the
forest’s strength. we’ve given every
treasure we could find. nothing can bring
forth its power.
HARU
the heart of the forest said it would
require a great sacrifice. i have nothing
left to give… except the last memory of
my friends.
HARU
please, heart of the forest… bring back
my friends!
CRAIG
whoa… the heart of the forest is like a
magic wishing well… and according to this
map, it’s somewhere on the other side of
the creek.
CRAIG
hmmm… but where? ugh, i need the rest of
kenneth’s cubes. where did you hide them?
i’m not leaving this room until i figure
this out!
BERNARD
craig, it’s time to go!
CRAIG
ice creeeeeeeam!!!
CRAIG
scoop-con, here we come!
CRAIG
i can’t believe it! a whole convention for 
ice cream! i’m gonna try every flavor they 
got. but which cone to savor it with? maybe 
it’s best to start with a classic cake cone. 
or dare i dream - the one and only waffle
cone?
BERNARD
and here we are.
CRAIG
what, this isn’t the convention center.
university of herkleton? 
CRAIG
i know… you did not… just take me to… a 
college!!!
BERNARD
a college tour, to be exact.
CRAIG
what?!?!
BERNARD
i wanted to check out the campus in person,
and i definitely can’t leave you at home 
alone after what happened last weekend.
CRAIG
wooooo-hooooo!!!!!
CRAIG
that didn’t happen!
BERNARD
well it could have, if i had left you at 
home. and honestly… i thought you might like 
seeing this place. you do well in school and stuff. i mean, not as well as i was doing at your age, of course, but… this could be a glimpse of your future.
CRAIG
uh… we parked?
BERNARD
yes.
CRAIG
good… take me back! i’m not gonna work on a
saturday! no! take me back take me back!
BERNARD
craig, get off!
CRAIG
you promised me ice cream!
BERNARD
look, i’ll take you for ice cream afterwards. 
just don’t embarrass me!
CRAIG
never!
CRAIG
nooooooooooo!  i don’t 
wanna grow up! you can’t make me! 
BERNARD
everybody’s looking!
CRAIG
good!!
TOUR GUIDE
can anyone tell me what the most important
building on the college campus is? that’s 
right… the library. and can anyone tell me 
why the library is so important? hmmm? 
anyone? books… the answer is books. that’s 
right, the library is full of books, the 
college student’s greatest friend in the 
pursuit of knowledge…
BERNARD
wow, look at this place… these are the 
fertile fields of knowledge upon which the 
minds of tomorrow will be grown.
CRAIG
what. are. you talking about?! i mean why 
would you think i would like this?! i’m ten 
years old! i’m in the prime of my youth!
BERNARD
hey— i was ten when i started applying to 
colleges… they all rejected me because i was 
ten, but it’s good to plan ahead.
CRAIG
yuck! whateeeever. 
BERNARD
so what you gonna do when you turn eighteen? 
move into the creek?
CRAIG
yeah.
BERNARD
and do what?! live under a rock?!
CRAIG
sure. with all the ice cream i can eat.
BERNARD
yeah… by yourself. what about your friends? 
you think they’re all gonna stay in the 
creek forever with you? be your little rock 
neighbors? life isn’t all sprinkles and hot 
fudge, you know. you need a plan. 
TOUR GUIDE
the inscription on the library reads “non
semper, ad medium.” can anyone tell me who 
said this?
CRAIG
huh? what is that?
TOUR GUIDE
anyone? the philosopher?
CRAIG
kenneth! oh! it’s kenneth, everyone!
TOUR GUIDE
i was looking for the great 18th century 
thinker juniper ser—
CRAIG
kenneth! kenneth! i need to talk to you!
BERNARD
craig! where are you going? who is that?
CRAIG
it’s kenneth! the first king of the creek!
and i have to ask him about the heart of the
forest!
BERNARD
what?!?
TOUR GUIDE
this latin phrase comes from--
BERNARD
craig! craaaaaig!
TOUR GUIDE
will you just go! please, just… just go! 
sheesh! this is not worth the credit…
CRAIG
kenneth! wait! i need to 
ask you about your treasure! the heart of 
the forest!
JAIME
kennyyyyyy!
CRAIG
whuh—
BERNARD
uh… i’m so sorry! i’m so sorry! here
you go!
CRAIG
kenneth! oh, you’re not him.
STUDENT 1
how do you know?
CRAIG
kenneth!
CRAIG
kenneth?
STUDENT 2
shut the door!
CRAIG
hmm…
BERNARD
craig! craig? oof!
PROFESSOR
the study of philosophy has been 
philosophized by many philosophers for many
years…
CRAIG
kenneth!?
PROFESSOR
nice of you to join us. the exam is about 
to begin, hurry up and take your seat.
CRAIG
what’s an exam? ugh, i don’t have time for 
this!
BERNARD
hey! has anyone seen a little--
PROFESSOR
i won’t tell you again, young man! sit down
and get started on the exam!
BERNARD
u-uuuuhh… okay.
BERNARD
can i borrow a pencil?
CRAIG
CRAIG
ahh! tiger man!
CRAIG
ugh! come on! this is a walkway! move your 
furry butt!
BERNARD
“sally has five watermelons. she 
doesn’t need five watermelons. why does she 
have five? what kind of existential crisis 
is she having?” what!? what the heck kind of 
question is this? is this what they expect 
from you in college?
BERNARD
COLLEGE KIDS
YOUNG BERNARD
huh? whuh!??
PROFESSOR
young man… if you interrupt my class one
more time, it’ll be a grrrrave mistake!!!!
YOUNG BERNARD
ahh!!
BERNARD
get a grip, bernard! you can see your way 
out of this… see… c! c… c… c… c, c, c, c, c, 
c, c c c c c c c c c c c!
CRAIG
kenneeeeth! please wait!!
CRAIG
CRAIG
huh? hm!
CRAIG
oof!
KENNETH
huh? whoa, kid! you okay?
KENNETH
hey… haven’t we met before?
CRAIG
yes…
KENNETH
you’re the one who asked about my kid
brother, right? what are you doing here?
CRAIG
guh! i was on tour with my brother and then 
i saw you skate by and i was trying to call 
out to you and… and… and… and… mmph. it’s a 
long story…
KENNETH
well, how about i get us some ice cream and
you can tell me all about it.
CRAIG
yes pleaaaase.
PROFESSOR
terrible! in all my years i’ve never seen a 
student get every single answer so 
completely wrong! it’s like you haven’t 
heard a single word i’ve said all semester!
you even spelled your name wrong, wazowski!
BERNARD
sorry, sir… if you’d let me explain, i’m 
not--
PROFESSOR
--not cut out for college? that’s one answer
you did get right.
BERNARD
gkk!
CRAIG
ahhh… this place almost feels like the 
creek. is this what college is like?
KENNETH
yeah, if you schedule your classes right.
CRAIG
ah…   tell me about 
the heart of the forest!
KENNETH
whoa, i never thought i’d see those again.
and you got twelve pieces already? you’re 
good, kid.
CRAIG
do you know where i can find 
the rest?
KENNETH
no, i gave them all to my old pals 
years ago. they could be anywhere in the 
creek by now.
CRAIG
so… so is it real? the heart of the forest?
KENNETH
what do you mean?
CRAIG
is it really like what’s in that show you 
used to watch -- haru? is the heart of the 
forest a being with magical powers?
KENNETH
why do you think i hid it so well?
CRAIG
do you… do you think… do you think the heart 
of the forest has the power to keep you from 
losing your friends?
KENNETH
losing your friends?
CRAIG
like… what if we grow up and they don’t want
to be rock neighbors? or… everybody starts 
being rockmates without me? what if i live 
alone under a rock forever?
KENNETH
i dunno about rocks, but i think i know what 
you’re going through. i’ll tell you this 
much… a long time ago, i was a kid with no 
friends. but once i found the heart of the 
forest, i became the king of the creek.
CRAIG
so… it is real.
KENNETH
it’s not that easy, though. 
you have to give it something in return.
CRAIG
what did you give it?
KENNETH
something that meant a lot to me.
KENNETH
well, i gotta go or i’ll be late for my 
history of animaton class.
CRAIG
what do you do in that class?
KENNETH
watch cartoons.
CRAIG
wow, you really do know how to schedule 
your classes.
KENNETH
alright. see ya, craig.
CRAIG
bernard? you… good?
BERNARD
college… is… terrible. it’s too hard and i 
hate it. maybe i’m not ready for college? 
maybe i am still a kid?
CRAIG
well, life isn’t always gonna be sprinkles
and hot fudge, right? but hey, i got you an 
ice cream sandwich from the cafeteria!
BERNARD
of course. it melted.
CRAIG
whoops, heh heh. aww, bernard. come on, 
let’s get me home.
CRAIG
man… i can’t wait to get back to the creek.
BERNARD
yeahhh… the creek…

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