BERNARD CRAIG DUANE JESSICA JP KELSEY NICOLE ROCK_LEADER

ROCK LEADER
so… you thought you could steal a rock from
the sacred underwater rock garden and get
away with it?!

JP
uh, yes.

KELSEY
jp! it was an accident, rock king. now call
off your guards. 
ROCK LEADER
the rock kingdom does not negotiate with
stealers!
CRAIG
kelsey! now!
KELSEY
hyaah!
ROCK LEADER
no! my rock pals!
CRAIG
run!
KELSEY
ah! more rock guards!
JP
what are we going to do?!
CRAIG
and that’s how we escaped the rock king!

NICOLE
wow, and how big did you say the rock was?

CRAIG
as big as our minivan. well, probably two 
MINI-VANS.

DUANE
a twin-i-van? that’s heavy!
 
BERNARD
oh c’mon, craig! you expect us to believe 
you moved a boulder the size of a twin-i-
van?! and flew eight stories into the air?!

CRAIG
well, there weren’t any buildings nearby, so
so eight stories is an estimate. but it felt
that high!

DUANE
i believe you, my guy. i thought i saw a kid
flying through the air on the way home.

NICOLE
it sounds like your life could be a tv show. 
or a movie. but probably a tv show. and how 
about you, miss jessica? 

DUANE
yeah, how was your day, baby girl? 


JESSICA
well, it started at the beginning of the 
day… first, i woke up. but just before that, 
i was asleep, then i got out of bed…

CRAIG
hmmm, my life as a tv show. i wonder 
what that would be like?

JESSICA
…and did some light castelenics. after that, 
i went to the bathroom to wash up and brush
my teeth. i floss, then rinse, then floss
again. that is my method.