ADAM AL ANNOUNCER AUDIENCE BD BETTE BILL BLONDELL BOOKSTORE_CLERK CLAPPER CREW_MEMBER DAVE DP_CONTINI GARY HANNAH HEDDA JACK JACK_WARNER JIMMY JOAN JOAN_BLONDELL MAMACITA MARILYN MARTY MR_SHANNON NONAH OFFICIANT OLDER_REPORTER OLIVIA OLIVIA_DE_HAVILLAND PAULINE PETER PHOTOGRAPHER PHOTOGRAPHERS REPORTER REPORTERS ROBERT ROBERT_ALDRICH STAGE_MANAGER STUDIO_EXECUTIVE STUDIO_EXECUTIVE_2 STUDIO_EXECUTIVE_3 WIG_LADY WOMAN WOMAN_ON_TV YOUNGER_REPORTER YOUNG_MAN


OLIVIA DE HAVILLAND
There was never a rivalry like theirs. For nearly half a century, they hated each other, and we loved them for it.
OLIVIA DE HAVILLAND
You know, Joan's real name was Lucille LeSueur. The poor thing, she was raised in utter squalor. I mean literally. Scrubbed toilets before coming to Hollywood. At the peak of the Depression- that's when I first started out- she was the woman every man wanted and every woman wanted to be. Many think of her as the greatest star of all time. Now, my dear friend Bette well, she, quite frankly, was the greatest actress Hollywood had ever known. During the war, she played all the best roles, and she played them with a. I-I don't know how to say this, but with a ballsy intensity that none of us, actor or actress, would have dared. You know, they only made one film together. And how that happened and what happened afterwards, well well, that was a story and a feud of biblical proportions.
ADAM
What was behind their feud? Why did they hate each other so much?
OLIVIA
Feuds are never about hate. Feuds are about pain. They're about pain.
ANNOUNCER
Please welcome to the stage, tonight's winner, Miss Marilyn Monroe!
JOAN
I've got great tits, too, but I don't throw them in everyone's face.
AL
All right, darling.
MARILYN
Gee. Gosh, I just sure didn't expect this. You know, I always said that, if I was the star, it was because the people made me a star, and... You know, when I was a girl, I used to look out into the Hollywood sky and think, "Gosh, I just want to be a movie star," you know? And now I'm part of you. So, thank you so much. Gosh, I should try to thank some people, huh? I'm just so bad at remembering names.
HEDDA
Hedda Hopper for Joan.
MAMACITA
Miss Crawford is occupied.
HEDDA
She's had enough time to sleep it off. Announce me.
JOAN
Is there anything we can do about these lines? I'm afraid I'm gonna be served for Thanksgiving dinner.
NONAH
The best you can do for this? High collars. Turtle neck for turkey neck.
JOAN
Christ, Nonah, can't you give me some hope?
NONAH
Ugh. You know how it is. Men age, they get character. Women age, they get lost.
JOAN
What?
MAMACITA
I'm sorry, Miss Joan. Hedda Hopper's downstairs.
JOAN
Oh, Jesus.
JOAN
Hedda. You know I never receive unscheduled guests, not even my children.
JOAN
But here you are.

HEDDA
Well, you ran out of the Globes last night before I could get a quote.
JOAN
Did I? Mamacita? Coffee. Well, it was a marvelous event. I do so appreciate the foreign press. They've been so very kind to me.
HEDDA
I didn't come here for the boilerplate, Joan. From what I hear, you stumbled out of there in a drunken fit.
JOAN
I'm gonna go back inside.
AL
Baby.
JOAN
Well, you know how those award dinners can be.
JOAN
Stop it!
JOAN
I must've eaten something that disagreed with me.
HEDDA
Crow?
HEDDA
Had to have been pretty galling, watching the foreign press fawn all over Monroe like that.
JOAN
Hedda, you know, when I'm out in public events like that, I only drink Pepsi-Cola. I am the brand ambassador.
HEDDA
I don't know why you keep plugging that shitty sugar water. Word is, since Al died, the board isn't paying your bills anymore, and you're having to sell your custom Billy Haines furniture piece by piece just to keep the lights on.
JOAN
You wouldn't print those lies.
HEDDA
Got to print something.
JOAN
All right. Then print this: Joan Crawford, after mourning the passing of her husband, the beloved Alfred Steele, is ready to get back to work.
HEDDA
Oh, come on, Joan. Give me a quote. You know my readers would be fascinated with hearing the thoughts of yesterday's it girl about today's.
JOAN
There can only be room for one it girl. Is that right?
HEDDA
Well, men built the pedestal, darling, not me. There's only room for one goddess at a time.
JOAN
Well, men may have built the pedestal, but it's the women who keep chipping away at it until it comes tumbling down.
HEDDA
So what's it gonna be, honey? A quote on Monroe, or am I gonna have to write about how a valet saw you stumble into a Cadillac?
JOAN
All right.
HEDDA
Good.
JOAN
I think that Marilyn Monroe and the vulgarity of her clothing and pictures is ruining this great industry that I love. People don't want to see stars like Monroe in pictures. They want their stars to be wholesome, with good morals. Like me.
HEDDA
That's not the only difference between you and her. She's getting roles.
MARTY
What's this about?
JOAN
This, my friend, is the Academy Award for Best Actress I won in 1945 for Mildred Pierce. And I would like another one. And do you know what I need, Marty, to make that happen? A great script. I want to work now that Al's dead. I want to work, Marty. I need to work.
MARTY
I sent you a great script four months ago, Joan. You did it, and you were wonderful in it.
JOAN
No. It was a pilot. I had to do my own makeup, and it wasn't even picked up to series.
MARTY
Joan, how about this, let me read everything that's out there, send over the highlights. You go through the pile and find something that excites you.
MARTY
Joanie!
JOAN
I can't play Elvis' grandmother. I won't do it. Maybe you better send me some other scripts.
MARTY
That's all I have, Joan. That's all they're making.
JOAN
Marty, I am an actress, I want to act. I'm at the top of my game right now.
MARTY
Then you need to find a project yourself, 'cause the roles just aren't out there.
BOOKSTORE CLERK
May I help you?
MAMACITA
I need books.
BOOKSTORE CLERK
Was there a particular title you were interested in?
MAMACITA
Anything with ladies on the cover.
JOAN
Oh, Mamacita. Good.
MAMACITA
That's all they had. I could try Encino next. Unless you found something you like.
JOAN
Everything written for women seem to fall into just three categories: ingénues, mothers, or gorgons.
MAMACITA
So where does that leave you?
JOAN
We'll find something.
JOAN
No, no, Mamacita, nothing Sapphic.
MAMACITA
I ran into the gardeners outside. They want to know when they'll get paid. We owe them two months.
JOAN
What did you tell them?
MAMACITA
That it was an honor to prune Miss Crawford's bush and to shut up.
JOAN
These are lean times, Mamacita, but we'll get through them.
MAMACITA
This one is about a baby. Which pile, "mothers"?
ROBERT ALDRICH 
And action! Cut! Cut! Plywood. You get them plywood in there Plywood.
DP CONTINI
Plywood. Plywood.
BILL
Dad, you're needed in the control center, pronto.
DP CONTINI
Plywood. Plywood!
ROBERT
If I make another sandal saga, put a bullet in my head.
PAULINE
Eva Braun's on the horn. I told her you're busy, but she keeps calling back.
ROBERT
Gretchen, my love. How's my little strudel? What? No, no, you can't come down here today. Why? Because my kids are working on the set, that's why. What if word got back to my wife? Yeah. I'll call you back. Christ. She wants to be in the movie now.
PAULINE
Well, that's because she knows the only time you really pay attention to a woman is when she's in front of your camera.
ROBERT
This movie we're making, Pauline, it is a piece of crap. Hey, what about that espionage script?
PAULINE
Oh, no, stinko. I know who did it on page three. But this one.
PAULINE
This one has potential. Horror/thriller, two broads, former movie stars. A cripple and her crazy sister battling it out in their Hollywood home.
ROBERT
A horror picture?
PAULINE
Hitch just did it with Psycho. Still raking it in. But even better, Baby Jane has one set. It's a very small cast. You can have final cut. You can produce this yourself. Face it, Bob, Ben-Hur has already been done.
ROBERT
Where'd you get this?
PAULINE
Oh, it came by messenger, special delivery. Along with this.
YOUNG MAN
Miss Crawford?
JOAN
Yes?
YOUNG MAN
Special delivery.
MAMACITA
She's expecting you.
MAMACITA
She's expecting you on the patio.
ROBERT
Joanie.
JOAN
Bob.
JOAN
Tea?
ROBERT
If we're gonna talk business, I'm gonna need a real drink.
JOAN
Sally, dear, will you go in the house and see if Mamacita needs any help?
ROBERT
One of your fans?
JOAN
Well, if they're going to hang around all day, I'm going to put them to work.
ROBERT
So, are we gonna make this picture?
JOAN
If you can satisfy my demands.
ROBERT
Can anybody, Joanie?
JOAN
We did pretty well the last time. Autumn Leaves made millions.
ROBERT
It would have made a million more if you'd gotten off your goddamn high horse and let me mess you up a little.
JOAN
It would have made $2 million more if you'd gotten me Brando. Now, you listen to me on this picture. I'll get you the perfect costar.
ROBERT
Who do you have in mind?
MR SHANNON
I didn't know the patrona had turned to a widow, a sort of bright widow spider.
BETTE
Cocktails, anybody?
AUDIENCE

HANNAH
No, thank you, Mrs. Faulk. I don't believe we'll have any.

MR SHANNON
They don't serve cocktails between the fish and the entree, Maxine, honey.
HANNAH
Mercilessly accurate, Mr. Shannon.
MR SHANNON
But when I asked you for one, you offered it to me without a sign of reluctance.
HANNAH
Aren't you making a large point out of a small matter?
MR SHANNON
Just the opposite, honey. I'm making a small point out of a very large matter. Where'd you learn how to light a match in the wind?
HANNAH
Oh, I've learned lots of useful little things along the way. I only wish I'd learned some big ones.
MR SHANNON
Such as what?
HANNAH
How to help you, Mr. Shannon.
MR SHANNON
Now I know why I've come here.
HANNAH
So you can meet someone who knows how to light a match in the wind?
STAGE MANAGER

BETTE
What?
STAGE MANAGER
There's a lady here to see you.
BETTE
Who is it?
STAGE MANAGER
Joan Crawford.
BETTE
You're fucking kidding me.
JOAN
Bette.
BETTE
Lucille, what the hell brings you to the theater?
JOAN
Well, you, of course. Oh, you were wonderful tonight. You lit up the stage. I can't believe you didn't get better reviews. New York critics, they don't like us Hollywood people coming in, taking over their town. I say screw 'em.
BETTE
Make it quick, Lucille, I've got a car waiting to take me to the country.
JOAN
Guess what, Bette. I have finally found the perfect project for the two of us. It's always been my dream to work with you. Do you remember how I begged Jack Warner to put us together in Ethan Frome?
BETTE
With Mr. Gary Cooper.
JOAN
You do remember.
BETTE
You wanted to play the pretty young servant girl, and I was to play the old hag of a wife. Forget it.
JOAN
But this is different. These are the parts of a lifetime.
BETTE
No, thanks, Lucille. I've got plenty of better offers.
JOAN
Bullshit. I know what kind of offers you've been getting. Exactly none, because the same is true for me. They're not making women's pictures anymore. Not the kind we used to make.
BETTE
It's all cyclical. They'll come back in fashion.
JOAN
But we won't. If something's going to happen, we have to make it happen. No one's looking to cast women our age. But together, they wouldn't dare say no. We need each other, Bette.
BETTE
So what the hell happened to her anyway, Baby Jane?
JOAN
Read it. Find out. Oh, I-I'm offering you the title role.
BETTE
The lead?
JOAN
You can call it that.
BETTE
B.D.
BETTE
Did you fuck Joan Crawford?
ROBERT
No, I did not fuck her. Not that I didn't have ample opportunity.
BETTE
We all know what special relationship Joan has with her directors.
ROBERT
Oh, come on, Bette. William Wyler?
BETTE
Oh, I see someone has been a good little boy and done all his homework.
ROBERT
Bette, listen, here's the deal. Crawford's name on the marquee gets us distribution. I need her to get the picture made, but I need you to make the picture great.
BETTE
Keep talking.
ROBERT
Bette, listen, I've made my share of steaming piles of shit, but every now and again I get a chance to work with an artist like you. Someone who isn't afraid to leap off a cliff. Most people are terrified to go anywhere near the edge. Now, that gets me excited. I-I'm a kid again. Everything's possible. Bette, I promise you this is gonna be the greatest horror movie ever made. And Baby Jane's the greatest part you'll play since Margo Channing.
BETTE
All right, answer this question, and don't lie- why this picture?
ROBERT
Honestly? I'm not being offered anything else.
ROBERT
You're too big for Broadway, Bette. Come back to Hollywood, where you belong.
BETTE
I'll get back to you, Bob.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE
It's a socko script, Bob, just socko. We ran the numbers and it looks doable, very doable.
ROBERT
Fantastic.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE
We feel like Crawford and Davis may be a little long in the tooth. Why don't we go just a little bit younger? How about Hepburn in the Blanche role?
ROBERT
Well, Katherine Hepburn's the same age as Davis. I think she's a year older.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE
Audrey Hepburn and Doris Day as Baby Jane.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE 2
Are you kidding? We love Davis and Crawford for this.
ROBERT
Oh, that's terrific.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE 2
Now, the character of the sexy neighbor girl, have you thought about that?
ROBERT
Not really. I-It's a small part.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE 2
Yeah. Let's beef that up. In fact, we want to tell the story from her point of view. You know, like Hitchcock did with Rear Window.
ROBERT
It's not really a story about a sexy neighbor girl.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE 2
We want to make it about her. We've been looking for something for Natalie Wood.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE 3
It's not gonna work here, Bob.
ROBERT
No, I-I won't take no for an answer, Ed. These two women are legends. They've got millions of fans across the globe who would pay good money just for the chance to see them together on-screen.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE 3
I agree, but it's not Davis and Crawford we don't want, it's you, Bob. They're just not willing to get into bed with you. Not after Sodom. No offense. Bromo.
JACK WARNER
Would you fuck 'em?
ROBERT
I don't know.
JACK
It's a very simple question, Bobby. Would you give either of those broads a toss in the hay? Would you fuck 'em?
ROBERT
Yes.
JACK
What? Bullshit. It's a no, Bobby. Sorry. So every other studio passed on this project, huh? And you come to me as the last resort? I find that disrespectful.
ROBERT
No. Not last, Jack... inevitable. It's kismet that we make the movie here. Warner Brothers is the studio where both Davis and Crawford worked when they were still under contract. I-It'll be like a homecoming. You know, I can see the headlines. They're still big stars.
JACK
Big has-beens, you mean. All right, that's good. That's enough, that's good. And big pains in my ass. Both those women made my life a living hell when they worked for me, because they thought that I worked for them.
WOMAN
Ooh.
JACK
More perks, more perks, more perks. And always questioning the material that I wanted them to do, always.
ROBERT
Oh, come on, Jack.
JACK
No. It's true. And you know what the worst part is? The ingratitude. I created goddesses, Bobby. I created goddesses. I was Zeus and they were a couple of Aphrodites. But you know what happens to Aphrodite when her tits start to sag and her pictures start losing money? Or Venus, who should just look pretty and keep her mouth shut, and she starts having an opinion about everything- you know what happens to her? Zeus picks up a lightning bolt and he hurls it right at her head and he splits it open. That's what happens. I need a lunch thing. And my clothing. You've got a pretty short goddamn memory, Bobby.
ROBERT
What does that mean?
JACK
That bitch Davis sued me in 1936 to get out of her contract. She literally sued me. Bobby, I was so upset about that, that I got an ulcer and hemorrhoids from it. I still have them. I'll show them to you. And you know what else? I won that suit, I won it. And she was ordered to come back to work for me.
ROBERT
She just wanted better parts, Jack. A say in her own destiny.
JACK
Yeah, okay, fine. But because of her selfishness and her bullheadedness, the entire studio contract system came crashing down! The whole thing because of her! She's the one who put the crack in the levee, and you want me to work with her again? Are you fucking crazy? Never! Never again. Never. That cunt!
JACK
Her unemployment is my long simmering revenge.
ROBERT
You're gonna make my picture, Jack.
JACK
I'm s-sorry?
ROBERT
You need it. Television is kicking your ass.
JACK
Oh.
ROBERT
And the movies you're making, they're all bombs. Crowded Sky? Bomb.
JACK
Bad title.
ROBERT
Fever in the Blood, you couldn't even give tickets away. And you know why? You got no stars. I got stars. I got a great script that I wrote myself, a script I believe in. And I've got a genre television isn't doing, Jack horror.
JACK
Hmm. No.
ROBERT
We got most of our financing from Seven Arts.
JACK
Yeah. Seven Arts, yeah, yeah.
ROBERT
I just need you to release the picture in your theaters. You'll be the single largest profit participant.
JACK
Yeah.
ROBERT
I'll pay you first.
PHOTOGRAPHERS

REPORTER 
Miss Davis, how do you feel about Baby Jane Hudson? We hear she's pretty mean.
BETTE
She's full of venom and doesn't mince words. We have nothing in common.
JOAN
Which is wonderful for me, Jimmy. Usually, I play the bitch, but this time, I can sit back and watch Bette do it.
REPORTERS

ROBERT
I told you, together they're an event.
JACK
I can't believe I let you talk me into this.
PHOTOGRAPHER
How about signing some contracts, ladies?
OLDER REPORTER
Who do you think's gonna grab the chair on the left?
YOUNGER REPORTER
What do you mean?
OLDER REPORTER
Whoever gets there first gets top billing right underneath the caption in tomorrow's paper.
BETTE
Why, thank you, Lucille.
PHOTOGRAPHER
How about one with the two of you signing your contracts?
OLDER REPORTER
Oh, man, that's great.
PHOTOGRAPHER
And one more.
JOAN
Get the car, Mamacita.
ROBERT
Joan, you didn't sign the contract.
JOAN
You know, I expected more from you, Bob, I truly did, though why I don't know. Starting with my no-good father, who ran off with a stripper from Galveston, to Louis B. Mayer, I have been lied to and cheated on by men my entire life. I don't know why you should be any different.
ROBERT
What are you talking about, Joan?
JOAN
She's getting 600 more dollars a week in expenses than I am. Now, I cannot go into this project feeling resentment for my costar. Not after it was my idea to throw this party in the first place. I bet you never treated Kirk Douglas like this, did you, on The Last Sunset?
ROBERT
It's an oversight, Joan. I'll take care of it. I promise.
JOAN
You understand, don't you, Bob? It's not about the money. It's about trust.
ROBERT
Of course.
JOAN
I want $1,500.
JOAN BLONDELL
The 1950s and early '60s were tough times for all us mature gals. The studio system was dying out big time, and the only women who were getting hired were- well, they had big chests and small brains. Say, is this documentary gonna be about all of us or just Joanie? Is it like That's Entertainment?
ADAM
Um, I'm not sure.
BLONDELL
Well, honey, I'm sure both people who see it are gonna love it. Can somebody get this girl a drink here? Thanks, honey. Well, what were we talking about?
ADAM
How tough it was for women in the '50s.
BLONDELL
Right. But not for Joan. Wow. She was really something. She barreled through that decade like a freight train. Thanks. Hmm. Who cares if her costars were getting younger and younger? She was still Joan. Still ambitious as hell. And making hits till she got the best offer of her career
A proposal from a widower, Al Steele, Ceo of Pepsi-Cola, and one of the wealthiest men in the country. With all that money, after 40 years of working her ass off, and sweating over every goddamn dime, she could finally exhale and live the high life.
OFFICIANT
Al, you may kiss the bride.
JOAN
Come to Momma.
AL
Oh, yeah!
BLONDELL
Bette well, she was a different story. After All About Eve, she was on top of the world. And she thought she'd be swamped by offers, but her biggest comeback turned into her biggest letdown. So Bette decided to throw herself into the one role she'd never gotten right: wife and mother. She married her All About Eve costar, Gary Merrill. Bette was, to say the least miscast.
GARY
Hello, wife.
BETTE
Make yourself useful for once.
GARY
So I've been reading about you and Crawford. Start shooting next week?
BETTE
Day five I get to kick her right in the head. I can't wait. So what brings you crawling back to Hollywood? Another guest shot on Wagon Train?
GARY
Twilight Zone, actually.
BETTE
Oh. Well, that should be easy for you. Our whole marriage was a Twilight Zone. You went to bed with Margo Channing and you woke up with me.
GARY
So why did we stop living together again?
BETTE
You wanted me to starch your shirts and greet you at the door with a martini in hand and ask, "How did your day at work go, darling?"
GARY
Mm.
BETTE
I'm the one that needed a wife.
GARY
I brought you something. You've wanted it for a long time. Here it is. It's all there. I gave you everything
houses, kids, bank accounts, even the broken china.
BETTE
You goddamned prick!
GARY
Oh, admit it. You don't want me, but you can't stand the idea of me being with anybody else.
BETTE
Who would have you, you broken-down has-been?
GARY
You viper.
BETTE
You drunk.
GARY
Takes one to know one.
BLONDELL
You know why they really broke up? Well, it wasn't his performance in bed. It was his performance onstage. God, was Gary a stiff. Just when Bette realized her marriage was about to close, she took it on the road.
GARY
"Let the lights of Broadway spangle and splatter- and the taxis hustle the crowds away when the show is over. Let the lights of Broadway spangle. The girls wash off the paint and go for their midnight sandwiches- let 'em dream in the morning sun, late in the morning, long after the morning papers, and dream as long as they want to in June somewhere."
BLONDELL
You know, she fired him from the tour. Her own husband. And replaced him the very next day with Barry Sullivan.
BLONDELL
When Bette had to choose, she always picked the professional over the private.
JOAN
She actually claimed she coined the term "Oscar." Can you believe that? Back when she nabbed the award for Dangerous in '35, she told the press that its posterior reminded her of her first husband's ass. His middle name was Oscar. No one ever called him that. It was just more of her bullshit. His name was Harmon. Everyone called him Ham.
PETER
Joanie, do you have to keep doing that?
JOAN
What? It keeps my elbows supple.
PETER
I wasn't talking about that. Do you realize from the time we got in the car tonight, all through dinner, and now all you've done is complain about Bette Davis?
JOAN
Oh, that is not true.
PETER
It is. And I'll be honest, I don't understand it. You two have so much in common. More than any two other people on the planet. Why can't you just get along?
JOAN
Oh, don't you think I've tried? Back when she won that Oscar, I was the first person to send a congratulatory note and a bouquet. And you know that I never heard back. Not a word. Radio silence. And this after she tried to screw my boyfriend. Franchot was her costar in that picture, you know.
PETER
Yes, you mentioned it at dinner.
JOAN
She knew he was mine. That's why she tried to take him away. But he rejected her advances, of course. Told me everything. So then I married him, out of spite. Do you realize that Bette Davis is responsible for one of my failed marriages? Personally responsible.
PETER
And yet you still wanted her to do this picture with you. I think it's because you two survived all that and you realize that you really should be friends.
JOAN
Friends? You think it's friendship I want from her? Is that what you think? You're wrong. It's respect. It's the only thing I have ever wanted from her. Or any of them, for that matter. And it's the one thing I've never gotten. It took me until Mildred Pierce to be taken seriously as an actress. And when I won my Oscar, do you think I received any congratulatory notes or bouquets?
PETER
No.
JOAN
Mm. But I did. From men. Men whose admiration I already had and whose respect I never craved. But not the women. None of the bitches in this town. Least of all Queen Bitch, who always thought she was better than me, more talented than me.
PETER
You admire her.
JOAN
I admire her talent and her craft. And I will have her respect. Even if I have to kill both of us to get it.
MAMACITA
Keep practicing. Could be faster.
MAMACITA
Billy. Billy.
JOAN
Billy, how is that new baby? Fred! Oh, looks like you've lost some weight.
MAMACITA
Pablo. Mother not so good.
JOAN
Pablo, how is your mother, dear? Dave.
DAVE
Miss Crawford.
JOAN
How lovely to see you again after all these years.
MAMACITA
It's small.
JOAN
And dirty. Okay, Mamacita, let's go to work.
BETTE
Christ, she's at it again. Sucking up to the goddamn crew so she gets better lighting and props.
BD
Maybe she's just being nice, Mother.
BETTE
Before noon, Lucille? Got enough for two?
JOAN
To us. Together at last.
BETTE
At last. Nervous?
JOAN
Terrified. I haven't done a film in.
BETTE
Three years, Joan. You haven't worked in three years.
JOAN
You know, when I drove on the lot this morning, saw the crew bustling about, sets being built, the smell of sawdust... It's magic what we do, isn't it?
BETTE
All right, let's cut through the bullshit. I don't like you, you don't like me. But we need this picture to work. Both of us. All I ask is that you do your best work. Try. Because when you're good, Joan, goddamn it, you're good.
JOAN
Do you really think so?
BETTE
Oh, Christ, you're not going to cry. Yes, I really think so. I've always thought so. Oh, one last thing. Lose the shoulder pads.
JOAN
I beg your pardon?
BETTE
And cut back on the lipstick. You're playing a recluse who hasn't seen the sun for 20 years, for Christ's sake.
JIMMY
You have a perfect face for the movies, Miss Crawford. There are no bad angles.
JOAN
Thank you, Jimmy.
ROBERT
Look, just give me a chance to talk to her. We can work this out.
JOAN
Are you talking about me?
ROBERT
No.
BETTE
Yeah. I'm just offering some ideas.
JOAN
Don't tell me how to play my character before I've even shot a scene. I have done a lot of hard work and preparation, and you are just trying to throw me.
BETTE
I'm trying to help you.
JOAN
You want me to look bad, but I won't do it. My fans show up to a Joan Crawford picture expecting to see Joan Crawford.
BETTE
This is not a Joan Crawford picture.
JOAN
Mr. Aldrich, will you please escort Miss Davis back to her dressing room so she can work on her character? Or shall I get out of this wheelchair and walk off the set?
ROBERT
I'll handle it. Bette, please.
BETTE
Did you see her? She's ridiculous, Bob. She's got falsies on under there.
ROBERT
Bette, it's the first day, okay? May I remind you I took out a second mortgage on my house to make this picture? So don't look at me as if I don't care. I've got to handle her very carefully. She's nervous. And we got a lot of work to do today. We haven't even decided on your look yet, and your first scene is straight up after lunch. I've got to get that right.
BETTE
Fine. Handle it.
CLAPPER
Scene 11, take one.
JOAN

ROBERT
Joan? Joan, now, in this scene, Blanche is looking at one of her early pictures on TV. There's your mark right there.
JOAN
Okay.
ROBERT
Ready?
JOAN
Yeah.
ROBERT
Camera's rolling. And action.
WOMAN ON TV
Everything. We were gonna be married. This girl, Dolly Merrick. Oh, Jack, please try to understand. I married you because I was.
JOAN
We should've held that shot a little longer. I told him that when we were rehearsing, also when we shot it. But he wouldn't listen.
WOMAN ON TV
I can't think of anything else.
JOAN
Still it's a pretty good picture.
ROBERT
Cut. That's great work, Joan.
JOAN
Yeah?
ROBERT
Oh, yeah.
JOAN
Let's do another one, Bob. Right away. I'm just getting warmed up.
BETTE
These are wrong. I want her to look demented. This one. Wigs.
WIG LADY
Funny fact for you, Bette. Joan wore this one in some early 1930s Mgm melodrama. And from the looks of it, it hasn't been touched since.
BETTE
Clara Bow beauty mark. Mm.
BD
My God, Mother, is that how you really want to look?
BETTE
Just wait.
JOAN
Now, I just think there are too many words in this section, Bob. God, I miss the silent pictures.
CREW MEMBER

JOAN
Christ! She can't be serious.
BETTE
Hello, Daddy.
ROBERT
All right, all right! Everybody back to work! Back to work.
ROBERT
Action.
BETTE
Blanche, you aren't ever gonna sell this house. And you aren't ever gonna leave it either.
ROBERT
And action.
BETTE
Blanche, you aren't ever gonna sell this house. And you aren't ever gonna leave it. 
JOAN
Bob, isn't that lighting unnecessarily harsh?
ROBERT
Oh, we haven't balanced the footage yet, Joan. Don't worry. Don't worry about it.
BETTE
Blanche, you aren't ever gonna sell this house. And you aren't ever gonna leave it either.
ROBERT
Cut.
JOAN

ROBERT
And action.
BETTE

HEDDA
Welcome to the house that fear built. Come on in.
JOAN
Just the two of us?
HEDDA
The three of us. Oh, didn't I specify that in my invitation? I suppose you expected one of my legendary dinner parties. No, Gloria and Jimmy Stewart and the Fondas are on Wednesday. Tonight it's just us gals. Sit down, please. The sofa's comfy.
HEDDA
Can I get you ladies something to drink?
BETTE
Scotch.
JOAN
Just a glass.
HEDDA
I take it that's not Pepsi-Cola.
JOAN
Vodka. 100 proof. I say if you're going to drink, drink something you like.
HEDDA
I'll be right back. Dining room's through there. I hope you gals brought your appetites.
BETTE
It's an ambush.
JOAN
She's out for blood.
BETTE
You gonna give it to her?
JOAN
Are you?
BETTE
Fish Jell-O. Goody.
HEDDA
No, it's aspic, darling. It's all the rage. I thought it'd be the perfect dish for our little tête-à-trois. Something substantial, but transparent.
HEDDA
All right, ladies. You know what I need, and you know what the fans want. So feel free to let 'er rip.
HEDDA
So, who gets top billing?
JOAN
Oh, Bette, of course. I mean, she plays the title role. It only makes sense.
BETTE
Both roles are tremendously important.
JOAN
You know, Hedda, I have been wanting to work with Bette since 1944, when I first went to Warner Brothers. And when I found What Ever Happened to Baby Jane, I sent it to Bob Aldrich and told him in no uncertain terms that this was for Bette and me only.
BETTE
I was thrilled. Think of it, Joan Crawford was a big star when I arrived fresh off the boat.
JOAN
Such a lovely thing to say.
HEDDA
Fascinating.
JOAN
Ah. Oh, how lovely. What are you serving for dessert?
HEDDA
We're skipping dessert. I'm already getting diabetes.
HEDDA
Dateline
Los Angeles. Stars of the night sky tend to keep to fixed orbits and never interfere with one another. Things sometimes operate that way in Hollywood, too. Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, stars of equal magnitude who ruled in motion pictures during the fabulous '30s, never got to know one another. Now, in the Indian summer of their careers, they're about to.