BALLPLAYERS BALLPLAYER_ONE BALLPLAYER_TWO BRIAND_GRAZER BRIAN_GRAZER BUSTER CARLOS CROWD DEAN DOUG DUDE FAKEBLOCK FEMALE_SEX_OFFENDER GEORGE GEORGE_MICHAEL GOB GOB_BLUTH JOHN_BEARD LEM LINDSAY LOVE LUCAS_BROTHER_ONE LUCAS_BROTHER_TWO LUCIA_VAN_BARDAS LUCILLE LUCILLE_TWO MAEBY MARAUDER MICHAEL NURSE PHOTOBOOTH POLICE_OFFICER_ONE POLICE_OFFICER_TWO REBEL RON SEX_OFFENDER SEX_OFFENDERS SIGNS SIMON_AND_GARFUNKEL SINGERS TERRY TEXT TOM TONY TWINS UKULELE_WOMAN WAITER RON George-Michael… RON …was playing a game of lie tag with his father. GEORGE MICHAEL We-- Uh, that we’re sitting in the exact same traffic. God, I just hope there are no kids on that plane. MICHAEL …five hundred bucks they find a dead kid… RON Currently, each claimed to be stuck in traffic behind a light aircraft that had landed on the 605 freeway. MICHAEL …whose only fault was loving that kid too much and letting him fly the plane. And-- And-- And you know what? One more thing. I think I accidentally had the phone flipped around. I recorded my face the whole time. You know? Smart phone, stupid man. Pal, why don't you loop around and film this thing? Someone's gotta tell the story. RON Michael hung up, feeling confident he'd had the last word. MICHAEL Kidding me? GEORGE MICHAEL Missed you again. Damn. But, you know, I got out of my car here, and I'm, uh, standing here now with a paramedic named Tim Ridge-- Ridgley? Can I record some video over there? WAITER No cameras allowed. GEORGE MICHAEL No cam-- God, they're being real tight-assed about this cameras thing. I guess it's just not in the cards tonight. Hey, at least we weren't on that plane. RON But George-Michael was proving more adept at lying than anyone suspected. GEORGE MICHAEL Getting back in my car now. You know, just-- Thank God we weren’t on that plane. RON Which would come in handy with a woman who only knew him as George Maharis. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey. REBEL Hey. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, sorry. That was my dad. He can be kind of hard to get off the phone sometimes. REBEL Tell me about it. At least he wasn't drunk and bitching about Don Ameche not knowing his lines in Cocoon. GEORGE MICHAEL He-- He-- He's actually great. If anything, I've been kind of a lousy son, lately. But, you know, it’s just-- I mean, at some point I’ve gotta start living my life. REBEL Oh, I know. I mean, my dad is the nicest guy in the world, but he just doesn't get it. I have to live my life my way. It's like he's always checking up on me. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah. REBEL Does yours do that? GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, no, once in a while. Hey, hey, you wanna go in here? SIGNS PHOTOBOOTH REBEL Yeah! Okay. MICHAEL Ron. RON Maybe. MICHAEL No, no. It’s Michael. Michael Bluth. MICHAEL --I would have told that he and I were exactly the same, that we were twins. You know? But now I wouldn't even think of my son as my brother. RON Although, in fairness, this is something a Bluth brother would do. RON Now the story of a family whose future was abruptly canceled and the one son who had no choice but to keep himself together. It's George-Michael’s Arrested Development. RON George-Michael was a new man. He had finally cast off the shackles of his cautious persona… GEORGE MICHAEL Oh! BALLPLAYER ONE Throw it, man. BALLPLAYER TWO Come on, man. Throw it. GEORGE MICHAEL Yep. RON … and he was ready to play with the big boys. BALLPLAYER ONE Let’s do it, man. Come on. GEORGE MICHAEL Ah! BALLPLAYERS Oh! Oh! Ooh! GEORGE MICHAEL I’m-- I'm good. BALLPLAYER ONE You all right? GEORGE MICHAEL That's it for me! You guys keep playing. Oh, too funny. BALLPLAYER ONE Oh! BALLPLAYER TWO Yeah! RON But later… RON …at the student health center he was reminded of the man who'd always supported him… NURSE Who would you like us to call in case of an emergency? RON ...and who he'd now twice hurt. GEORGE MICHAEL My dad. RON And that night... NURSE We're gonna need an actual…. RON ...Michael, trying to… RON ...impress Rebel by being a down-to-earth rich guy --although by doing so he was neither-- MICHAEL …Beverly Hills Billionaires who can't go two minutes without putting his phone to his ear. RON --got this call. MICHAEL I've got to take this one. Hold on one second. Hello? MICHAEL Hey, George-Michael. Are you--? You stuck in traffic, pal? GEORGE MICHAEL No. You know, I just feel terrible we couldn't get together the other night, and, uh, I miss you. You know? But I'm free all night if you want to-- MICHAEL Listen, I'm in the middle of a film meeting. RON But Michael hadn't forgiven George-Michael. MICHAEL …people in politics involved, and it-- And I just-- You know, I can’t get away this time. RON It seemed the two men were growing less alike every day. RON And although George-Michael felt guilty… REBEL Oh, God. Gotta get this. Gimme a rain check. RON …George Maharis was already planning his evening with, as it turned out, someone who had also just been put off by his father. GEORGE MICHAEL Hi Rebel, it’s George Mi--Harris. My night just freed up and I was wondering if you wanted-- REBEL I thought you were having dinner with your dad. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, you know, older guys, the night ends for them at eight. REBEL I think I could use a break from the old guys. And I've already got some birth control in me that I paid for myself, and I'd hate to let it go to waste. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, that’s perfect because I'm not quite ready to have children. RON So, as he straightened up his room, he got this call. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, Dad. MICHAEL George-Michael. Hey, got out of it. I just-- I made a ton of people angry, but you know what I always say. Family-- GEORGE MICHAEL Well, uh, gosh, you know, I really wanted to, uh, do that. But I just had this work thing come up. And, uh, it's like-- Like you always say, Family First, unless there’s a work thing, and then Work First. MICHAEL I have said that, too. Uh, so another time! GEORGE MICHAEL Okay. RON But he had another problem he had to deal with. GEORGE MICHAEL P-Hound. P-HOUND Hey, George-Michael. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey. P-HOUND Look, I got us a peace pizza. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, that’s grea-- Hey, you've gotta go. P-HOUND What did you do with my stuff? GEORGE MICHAEL I've just got a girl coming over, and-- P-HOUND Maeby? GEORGE MICHAEL It’s not Maeby. No, but, um, could you please leave? P-HOUND Okay, first you f-me with Fakeblock, and then you're gonna kick me out when you have a hottie coming over? I have roommate rights. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, you know what? You voided your rights when you took this picture of Maeby brushing her teeth. P-HOUND Not against the rules. GEORGE MICHAEL Still a little weird, don't you think? P-HOUND But not against the rules! GEORGE MICHAEL Well… P-HOUND You know what? This is no longer a peace pizza. That is a war pizza. GEORGE MICHAEL Okay. That's fine. Do you want to take it back, or--? P-HOUND No, I already ate. That-- That's for you. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, thank you. P-HOUND You’re welcome. Enjoy your war pizza! RON The pizza hadn't even cooled before Rebel arrived. GEORGE MICHAEL Hi. REBEL Hey. GEORGE MICHAEL Hi. REBEL Oh. So this is a dorm. GEORGE MICHAEL This is a dorm. REBEL Well, I suppose anything goes in a dorm. GEORGE MICHAEL Got that right. Although we should probably go inside, because they don't like us hanging out in the hallways. REBEL Oh. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah. RON George-Michael had just officially gotten over Maeby. GEORGE MICHAEL Thanks for, uh, keeping it down for my R.A. You were keeping it down, right? REBEL You know what really impresses me about you? How little you try to impress me. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, I aim to not please. REBEL I just came from a dinner with this right-wing politician and his date who was an actual hooker. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, my God. They sound like terrible people. REBEL Oh, they were. GEORGE MICHAEL Ah. REBEL So, wait, is this where you conceived Fakeblock? RON It was George-Michael's first chance to truly be unpretentious and undo the big lie. On the other hand she thought he was an unpretentious software genius. If she were to learn that he was merely a wood block player with a heightened ability to track the passage of time perhaps she would rightly feel "lack of pretension" should be a given. It was after 'second 23', that he said. GEORGE MICHAEL --twenty-four. Yes! It was, um, right in here. REBEL Wow. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah. REBEL This is like making love with the Wright brothers in their bicycle shop. RON I'm sure she just meant one of them. Hey, how about her knowing they had a bicycle shop? GEORGE MICHAEL Just a little token to remind you of how unpretentious I am. RON The next morning he walked her to her car. REBEL Listen, I gotta go shoot a PSA. I'll text you from the car. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, no. Don't-- Don’t do-- RON Action. REBEL Tweet and drive! RON Yeah, that was good, but it's text, and we need the word “don't.” RON And upon returning to his dorm he discovered that P-Hound had officially filed a grievance with the student housing office. DOUG All right, so P-Hound claims that George-Michael-- Make a note of that that that's one person. DEAN Oh, I know. I know. DOUG --messed with his stuff and stole some software thing? DEAN Yeah, and, uh, George-Michael claims that nobody can live with P-Hound. Somebody’s gotta go. DOUG O-- Okay. It's time for a vote. We'll each get one vote, and you... GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, well, that doesn't really seem fair. Because you guys are obviously gonna vote for the same person. DEAN Oh, right. Yeah, ‘cause, uh, we're twins and, uh, we have no sense of ourselves as individuals. That’s right. DEAN / DOUG Fine. We’ll each get a half vote. RON And the four men cast their three votes. DOUG It's a tie, uh, one and a half to one and a half. RON The twins were proud to show that they voted differently from one another. DEAN Uh, we’re gonna need a tie breaker, ugly. RON Fortunately, they were able to bring in two more half voters... DOUG It's a tie. Two to two. RON ...who also proved they were capable of having opposite opinions. DEAN Double tie! DEAN / DOUG Yeah! Whoo! RON To break the tie, more members of twin club joined the electorate... DOUG We have… DEAN Oh! DOUG …a quadruple tie! RON ...which also jammed up the works. DEAN / DOUG Yeah! DEAN Yeah! Go! GEORGE MICHAEL Maybe we should just bring in a single person now. DOUG Uh, you mean, like, not--? Not a twin? GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, just to speed things along. Well, you know-- RON And perhaps it was that comment... LUCAS BROTHER ONE I guess one head is better than two, huh, twin hater. LUCAS BROTHER TWO We've been dealing with "twincists" like you all our lives. RON ... that united the voting body into a greater cause than expressing their individuality. And with the exception of George- Michael's vote… DOUG P-Hound. George-Michael. George-Michael. George-Michael. George-Michael. George-Michael. George- Michael. RON --and one other curiosity-- DOUG Bender from Futurama. DUDE I almost wrote that. DUDE’S TWIN RON --it was a George-Michael blitz. DOUG Uh, George-Michael. And, oh, a half vote for George-Michael, twincist. LUCAS BROTHER TWO See ya later, twin-hater. GEORGE MICHAEL I’m not-- DEAN Uh-uh. Shh. Go. RON And now wishing he'd actually packed the bag, George Michael aimlessly headed out… GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, but. TWINS Shh. RON ... out onto the campus, where as fate would have it, he ran into his beeping uncle. SIGNS THE NO 2 LADIES DETECTIVE AGENCY GEORGE MICHAEL Oh! What are you doing here? GOB I was in the neighborhood and I happened to remember how much you love bologna. GEORGE MICHAEL Huh? GOB So yeah, I just-- I found this great Shop-rite, and I just thought, “You know who's got to have a taste of this? Is young George-Michael.” Why don’t you just let me-- RON He didn't think George-Michael liked bologna. GOB Let me-- I know how you love bologna. RON He was trying to correct a bad impression he felt he might have made with his nephew a few nights earlier. GOB We’re good. GEORGE MICHAEL My God, Uncle Gob, what is this? GOB Can't lie to you, George-Michael. It’s a forget-me-now. I wanted you to forget what happened at the magic club. I was embarrassed. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, if you don't want to me to tell anyone about it, I won't. GOB I'm such a fool. I go to those things too quickly. Really it’s just the age we live in, isn’t it? Take a pill to forget your problems, take a pill to go to sleep. Take a pill to forget your problems. Need an erection? Take a pill. Need to forget your problems? Take a pill! Take a pill and your problems are forgotten! Take a pill. What an age we live in. It's great, isn't it? What’s with the suitcase? GEORGE MICHAEL I got kicked out of my dorm. GOB That was a freebie. Are you in the market to buy a house? It’s a great time to buy. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, I don't wanna buy a house. I don't have that kind of money. GOB Money? Ninja, please. You don't need money. With the Fakeblock thing you got going and your great credit rating, we could put you in a Bluth in no time. RON Frankly it wasn't the kind of risk George-Michael would take. But then Gob said something that changed his mind. GOB Plus, I know it would make your dad proud. I know that he’s still really disappointed about you, uh, borr-- GEORGE MICHAEL That I blew him off? GOB --blew him off. Boy, was he disappointed about that. GEORGE MICHAEL I would love to say yes... GOB Yes! There it is! I got my much vaunted yes! RON Gob felt good, he would be able to prove to his brother that he could actually sell a house. George-Michael felt good because he could prove to his father that he did indeed support him. SIGNS SUDDEN VALLEY GOB BLUTH RON And the residents of Sudden Valley felt good... RON ... because it turns out the very young looking man who drove down their street that afternoon... GEORGE MICHAEL Hi. CARLOS Hello, young man! GEORGE MICHAEL Hi. CARLOS How young are you? GEORGE MICHAEL I'm good, how you doing? CARLOS No, how young are you? GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, I’m twen-- I’m twenty-two. Twenty-two years young. RON ... was over twenty one, and they wouldn't have to search for a home that was even more remote. CARLOS Twenty-two? You look sixteen! Twenty-two! He’s twenty-two, but looks sixteen! SEX OFFENDER Wow. Wow. RON The Sudden Valley residents wasted no time in welcoming George-Michael to the community… SEX OFFENDERS Hey! Hi! TOM Just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood. RON …every chance they got. GEORGE MICHAEL Thank you. Uh, hi. Hello again. Welcome back. Hi. Hi. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, it’s so nice. I swear-- Like it’s my birthday. TERRY It's like it's everyone's birthday. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, this. I wonder who this is from. SIGNS I ? VANILLA ICE CREAM TERRY We said no clothes, Carlos. CARLOS Hat is not clothes. TOM Hat is clothes. GEORGE MICHAEL I wish I had something to offer you guys. You know, here you are, guests in my home, and you’ve gotten me these beautiful gifts, you know? Feels like it should be the other way around. SEX OFFENDERS SEX OFFENDER Football! RON And it was during an impromptu touch football game... TOM Hut. GEORGE MICHAEL Carlos! Carlos, you’re on my team. You’re on my team. No guys, the play is dead. The play is dead. FEMALE SEX OFFENDER I’m gonna get-- I’m gonna get-- Oh, my God. GEORGE MICHAEL The ball touched the ground. Come on. The play is-- Carlos, man, we’re on the same team. Guys, maybe we-- We can’t play skins vs. skins. TOM Tops vs. Bottoms? GEORGE MICHAEL I've got to bring my girlfriend here. She’s gonna love it. TOM Let’s throw her a party, Sudden Valley style. GEORGE MICHAEL That actually sounds-- Yeah. Fun. SIGNS FUN RON And so George-Michael was proud to invite Rebel to see how successful George Maharis had become, and how many people were eager to be in his company. GEORGE MICHAEL No, I’m fine. I’m fine. He was tickling me in there. REBEL Hey, um… GEORGE MICHAEL Hey. REBEL What, uh--? What is all this? GEORGE MICHAEL Just a little surprise. REBEL You did this for me? GEORGE MICHAEL Yes. RON But Rebel had other concerns. REBEL We need to talk. PARTY-GOERS Ooh! GEORGE MICHAEL This is it. This is the place. Hope you don't find it too pretentious. REBEL Well, what happened to the old ‘anything goes in the dorm?’ GEORGE MICHAEL Well, I got this place instead. You know, I guess I wanted to impress you. I-- I’m gonna get some furniture, obviously. The guys from… REBEL Right. GEORGE MICHAEL …Home Fill are coming this week, and I-- That’s not the problem? REBEL No, that's not the problem. GEORGE MICHAEL Wrong house, buddy! REBEL No. This is my son Lem Depardieu. Hey, babe. LEM Hi. REBEL Jacqueline still in the car? GEORGE MICHAEL You have a son? REBEL Yeah. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, Lem. LEM Hi. GEORGE MICHAEL How you doing? I love kids. I’m great-- You want a Twister? REBEL Uh-huh. GEORGE MICHAEL I was just given, like, four Twisters. You should take one. LEM Wo-- Wow! GEORGE MICHAEL Take a Twister. SIGNS TWISTER REBEL You know what, honey, do you wanna give mommy some alone time with her friend? GEORGE MICHAEL Maybe he could go play in the pool. REBEL Yeah. GEORGE MICHAEL He'll be totally safe, there's like a hundred guys out there. LEM Yay! REBEL Make sure you wear sun block! RON In fact, it was the folks in the pool… RON …who were more at risk of being near Lem then he was of them. RON And perhaps that's what led Gob… RON …to having to take out another ad. SIGNS ORANGE COUNTY SEX OFFENDER LOCATOR SUDDEN VALLEY SIGNS GIVE SUDDEN VALLEY A TRY! WE'RE SEX OFFENDER FREE! SIGNS WHETHER YOU'RE A FAMILY, OR YOU JUST DON'T LIKE SEX OFFENDERS, SUDDEN VALLEY IS THE PLACE FOR YOU! SIGNS GOB BLUTH GEORGE MICHAEL Wow, what a great kid. You-- You know when I said I was not eager to have kids, but I think it’s great that you have a son. You know, I have a spare room here that the two of you could stay in. Or maybe you could just stay in it, and-- REBEL He doesn’t live with me. He lives in France with his father. He just visits March and April during French pilot season. But that’s what I’m talking about. I just don't wanna get that serious. GEORGE MICHAEL Because you're seeing someone else? REBEL No. I mean yes, I’m seeing someone else, but I don’t wanna get serious with him, either. And you’re telling people in the neighborhood that we’re seeing each other. What happened to the guy who founded Fakeblock? The guy who keeps things anonymous? GEORGE MICHAEL Well, I can do anonymous. You know, I'm all about staying anonymous. That's Fakeblock's mission statement. REBEL And now you're asking Lem and me to move into this house, and it just-- It seems all backwards. Sorry. GEORGE MICHAEL Maybe it is backwards. RON George-Michael shared his relationship problem with the one other woman that he's had a relationship problem with. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, she’s not really my girlfriend. GEORGE MICHAEL I mean, I’m crazy about her, but she wants to keep things anonymous and I don't know how to do that. MAEBY Oh, that's ridiculous. GEORGE MICHAEL Right. MAEBY You haven't told her your real name yet, have you? GEORGE MICHAEL what? No, no. No, she still thinks I'm George Maharis, but she's dating another guy. Which is probably the whole reason she’s always saying I'm moving too fast, I take things too seriously. I take things too serious. I take things too seriously. I need to know which one of those is correct. Because I sound like a horse’s ass when I alternate between the two of them. I need to get my together. MAEBY Yeah. GEORGE MICHAEL But the point is that I take things easily, breezily. MAEBY Well, a real serioush woman knows what she wants and moves quickly. GEORGE MICHAEL Serioush is nothing. That's not a word. MAEBY Are you ready to see your office? GEORGE MICHAEL I have been. It’s great. I like it a lot. It-- I wonder if she’s gonna think we’ve been a little lavish with money. You know, is it too much? But then, to contradict myself, I do think at some point, it would be good to get a second chair. Just in case we have a guest. But I’m thinking big picture. MAEBY Yeah, this isn’t your office. RON Of course, that wasn’t his office. MAEBY She’s over here. MAEBY This hangar here-- Five hundred nerds! RON . And it was at his actual desk where he made his first major decision as CEO. GEORGE MICHAEL Maeby... You're fired. RON And although Mort knew he was going to be handed his walking papers, there was nothing that could have prepared George- Michael for what Mort would leave on his desk. And so… RON …later that day, it was a disgruntled Maeby that ran into Michael as he was seeking a signature for his movie. MAEBY Hey. MICHAEL Doing a movie. MAEBY I gotta tell you, I think movies are dead. Maybe it's a TV show. MICHAEL What? No. This-- This girl that I'm dating, Rebel, she’s gonna be in it, and she would never do TV. MAEBY You're dating Rebel Alley? MICHAEL Yeah. I have a picture of us to prove it. I can't find it, but yeah. MAEBY So, you're the other guy. MICHAEL You know her personally? MAEBY Yes. I mean, that's how I know that you were dating her. MICHAEL Do you know the other guy that she's dating? RON And that's when she saw an opportunity to get back at George-Michael. MAEBY No. No. But, um, I know it's over. She’s dumping him. MICHAEL She’s dumping him? MAEBY Apparently he was coming on too strong. Taking it too seriously. She hates that. MICHAEL Is that what she said? MAEBY Yeah. That's what she told me. Just kills it for her. She wants it easily, breezily. MICHAEL Well, that's informative. I owe you. Thank you. MAEBY No, you don't. MICHAEL Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait! Don’t knock just-- MAEBY Okay. MICHAEL Hold on one second. RON And so, fortified with Maeby's information that Rebel was breaking up with her other beau… MICHAEL Hello. REBEL Michael. RON …Michael decided to move things along. MICHAEL I want to let you know that I think that I've been coming on a little bit too strong. I got a lot going on, I got the movie, you know, a bunch of stuff with the housing complex. And I'm just-- I’m not gonna be pressuring you anymore. I wanna just keep it easy-peasy. REBEL Cool. MICHAEL Yeah. REBEL Totally. MICHAEL Keep it loose… REBEL Yeah. MICHAEL …and we’ll have some fun, which, you know, if the-- If the-- If the fun, you know, someday, one day gets more serious, you know, then-- Then it’s-- Then it does, and-- And we, uh, are walkin’ down the aisle, you know, and-- Saying it wrong Saying it wrong, ‘cause I get, uh-- I get tongue tied, um, uh, because I think that you are coming on too strong, you know? REBEL Oh, uh-- MICHAEL Buggin’ me. REBEL You wanna come in? MICHAEL No? Yeah? Yeah. TEXT ONE HOUR LATER… RON It was the best sex Michael had ever had. REBEL That was great. Was that fun for you? MICHAEL No. REBEL REBEL Are you gonna take a picture of me? MICHAEL Uh, no. No, I’ve been trying to get a signal. RON But he did want a picture of them together. Which is why he grabbed the one he saw from the photo booth. REBEL Are you gonna call me? MICHAEL If I'm in traffic. RON Although he was growing concerned about how he was going to keep this up. MICHAEL Hey, I just stole this fair young miss from a big shot named George Ma-harr-- MICHAEL Sh-- -t. RON Michael had just found out that the woman he loved was also dating his son. RON So, after placing a call to the niece who sent him there... MAEBY Hello? MICHAEL You're out of the movie! RON ...and at... RON ... an emotional impasse, he decided it was time to deal with Gob and the Sudden Valley problem. SIGNS I BRAKE FOR KIDS MICHAEL Pervert. MICHAEL Excuse me! RON And that's when he ran into a son… GEORGE MICHAEL Dad! Hey. MICHAEL George-Michael. What are you doing here? RON …who was eager to make him proud. GEORGE MICHAEL I'm home. RON But George-Michael had suddenly found himself with enormous debt and tried to hide his panic. MICHAEL You -- You bought this house? Why would you buy one of these pieces of sh--? Short term investments? GEORGE MICHAEL Well, you know, Gob told me that you wanted to start selling these things, not just renting them, and I knew it was important to you. MICHAEL He said all that, huh? Boy, that was-- That’s nice of him? How--? How could you afford one of these houses, buddy? GEORGE MICHAEL Well, I have a lot of money coming in from investors for my software thing and… MICHAEL Okay. GEORGE MICHAEL …I don't know what’s gonna happen with that, so I thought I’d do what everyone around here says, "put it in a Bluth". MICHAEL Yeah, who else is saying that? GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, you know, it's an expression. Neighbors. MICHAEL I don't like it. GEORGE MICHAEL Can I offer you anything? MICHAEL No. GEORGE MICHAEL I just got two more boxes of Twister from the neighbors. MICHAEL Oh, boy. Return ‘em. GEORGE MICHAEL Feel like I have one for every day of the week now. Anyway, you know, I figure that worst case scenario is I-- I sell this place and I get my money back. It’s not like they’re going down in value, right? SIGNS WARNING SEX OFFENDER HAVEN 154 TRACEY LANE - SUDDEN VALLEY, CA MICHAEL Well… GEORGE MICHAEL It’s a great community. Nobody locks their doors around here. MICHAEL You should. GEORGE MICHAEL Plus, I-- I wanted to make it up to you. You now, I felt terrible about what happened with the dorm and-- MICHAEL Well… GEORGE MICHAEL And things between us, and I-- I've screwed a lot of things up in the past few weeks, and, you know, this is the one thing that I know I did right. I--I mean, who would not wanna raise their kids here? RON And perhaps this is why he didn't give him the bad news about the neighborhood. MICHAEL Thank you. Thanks. But, well, didn't need to do it for me, pal. RON Now he just needed to get out of the house before-- GEORGE MICHAEL Well, to be honest I didn't do it just for you. MICHAEL Yeah? GEORGE MICHAEL I also did it for my girlfriend. Kinda wanted to impress her. RON --that came up. GEORGE MICHAEL MICHAEL Wow, you got a girlfriend. Good for you. That’s great. Congratulations. Good. Your dad’s got one, too. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh yeah? MICHAEL Yep. How is yours goin’? GEORGE MICHAEL Not great. I haven't exactly completely honest with her about who I am. You know, I-- I haven’t even told her my real name, and I don’t think I can keep that lie going, so I think it might be over. MICHAEL Oh, great. Pain fades slowly. Quickly.. RON But now it was as simple as getting out before George-Michael asked about-- MICHAEL You’ll be okay. GEORGE MICHAEL Thanks. But you're doing great, huh? Tell me about your girlfriend and you're producing this movie now? RON --that. MICHAEL I think they’re both over. Yeah. Wasn't meant to be. GEORGE MICHAEL I’m sorry. RON And that's when Michael finally treated his son like an adult. MICHAEL Hey, you know what I miss on you? The moustache. RON And so, discouraged, Michael returned to his apartment, only to find worse news. SIGNS HOPING YOU'LL BRING SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND OF YOUR FRIENDS TONIGHT. YOU HAVE UNTIL CINCO ARGYLE SIGNS DO NOT MISS F4 AN ACTION MUSICAL! SIGNS THE ROCK MONSTER BOO! SIGNS BASED ON A COMIC BOOK THE WAY WHICH SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO LIKE SIGNS LUCIA VAN BARDAS SIGNS A STAGE PRODUCTION WRITTEN, DIRECTED AND PRODUCED BY TOBIAS FUNKE FOLLOWED BY A CAMPAIGN SPEECH BY LUCILLE AUSTERO RON And when he saw that Lucille Two was having a campaign event at Cinco… SINGERS Mr. F. RON … he knew there was only one thing he could give her instead of the money. RON And he knew what he had to do first to give it to her. RON George-Michael, meanwhile, had a keynote speech to give, and hadn't fully decided whether he should come clean. RON And that's when he ran into his uncle. GOB --And the other thing we'll take care of. My father's got the money. You guys are one heck of a-- A horde. GEORGE MICHAEL Uncle Gob! GOB No, you're mistaken, friend. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, no, it's George-Michael. Hi. Exactly. GOB Yes. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, I'm actually really glad I ran into you. I could use some advice. GOB Oh. Love each other. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, no, that’s great, but I actually need a-- A specific piece of advice for a certain situation. It’s-- I’ll give it to you fast. Basically, for the last few weeks I've been living a lie. I’ve been in this relationship with a woman who doesn’t even know. SIMON AND GARFUNKEL …and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence GEORGE MICHAEL It's probably over with the girl. I might have a chance if I continue the lie... some software genius… …got out of control. So basically now I can either tell her that there is no George Maharis and never was… GEORGE MICHAEL …we keep things anonymous and I continue the lie that Fakeblock exists. GOB From my perspective-- Something about-- There’s a girl. Did you--? Does she like you? I mean, you’re not the world’s most handsome guy. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, no, she likes-- GOB I would say what I did take away was that I would rather have sex with someone because they thought I was someone else than not have sex with someone because they thought I was me. GEORGE MICHAEL So I should probably do the opposite of that and be true to who I am and not compromise my integrity just for some fleeting sexual experience. So love each other. GOB There it is! RON It wasn't much help. And as George- Michael headed off, unsure of what to do, Gob went off to find his father, who was having his own relationship crisis. LUCILLE We’re getting a real divorce. You're out of the marriage. GEORGE SR. So I am fat. GOB Boy am I glad you're here. I need money. It's not for what you think, it's not for a magic trick or a bee colony, it’s to pay the builders I hired to start building the fake wall between the Mexico and America. GEORGE SR. Shh! What are you, crazy? Lucille Two is around here. GOB Well, don’t worry about Lucille Two. I’ll handle her. It’s just that I need to pay the Chinese. GEORGE SR. Wait, wait. You--? You hired Chinese? GOB Well, I figured, who better than the Chinese to build a wall? GEORGE SR. Well, uh-- GOB But no, I couldn’t afford them, so I-- I hired, um-- They’re technically Mongols, I guess they’re-- They’re the people that they built the wall to try to keep out. GEORGE SR. How many did you hire? GOB A horde. That's the minimum. They don't come in anything less than a horde. GEORGE SR. So you hired you-- A Mongol horde? GOB Look, Dad, I just-- If they don't get their money soon, they're gonna be really mad and then they're gonna have a major Mongolian beef with us. There they are. GEORGE SR. Uh, we don't have any m-- Money. GOB Well, he says that we don't have any money. SIMON AND GARFUNKEL Hello, darkness, my old friend. I’ve come to talk with you again. RON And at that moment, another Bluth who had no money was finding a way to pay up. LUCILLE TWO Do you have something for me? What are you doing? MICHAEL I'm gonna have sex with you for money. MICHAEL Oh! LUCILLE TWO Oh! TEXT MOMENTS LATER… MICHAEL Yeah… LUCILLE TWO I didn't realize how heavy these rings were. MICHAEL Yes. LUCILLE TWO But I thought you were gonna kiss me and I panicked. MICHAEL I-- I was going to kiss you. MICHAEL I didn't even try to do it that time. LUCILLE TWO So, it’s, uh, “Let’s take a tumble with old moneybags, right? And she'll be so grateful that she'll walk away from seven hundred thousand dollars.” MICHAEL No, no, no. It would absolutely not be a gift, this would still a loan. Okay? However, my lovemaking would be, you know... LUCILLE TWO What? What, Michael? What were you gonna say? MICHAEL Something that I would never be able to take back, but… MICHAEL I didn’t want that to happen. Now, listen, you have been the one that has been flirting with me. LUCILLE TWO Those were pity flirts. MICHAEL No they were not. You want this as much as I do. As much as I want this extension, two different "this's". Now, you own a company that I helped to build. It was all of my hard work. This is something you have to do, because if you don’t, I can't be held responsible for what I might do. SIGNS FAKEBLOCK RON As it turns out, George-Michael was the only Bluth who could be responsible for what he did. And as he headed to the microphone... UKULELE WOMAN Cinco de Cuatro RON …Mongols, who hadn't been paid what they were promised, did what they do best. MARAUDER SIGNS LOVE LINDSAY Um, oh! Oh! MARAUDER Viva Mongolia! RON Which led to this... LINDSAY What the--? What’s happening? LINDSAY / LOVE SUPPORTERS Put up this wall! Put up this wall! RON And it's hard to know whether it was the chanting… RON …of "put up this wall"… GEORGE MICHAEL Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention for a moment for an announcement. RON …or the note that promised him a sexual resumption of his anonymous relationship with Rebel... SIGNS YOU ARE GOING TO GET SCREWED LIKE YOU’RE NEVER BEEN SCREWED BEFORE - ANONYMOUS RON ...that made him say this. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, so I’m George Maharis. And, uh-- And Fakeblock is real. GEORGE MICHAEL Let's put up this wall. CROWD Put up this wall. Put up this wall. RON But not everyone wants to put a wall up on the internet. GEORGE MICHAEL Let’s put up-- Put up this wall. Have a good night. RON And the anonymous who left the note wasn't Rebel. RON A discouraged Michael returned to the model home, where he ran into a brother who also had something to hide... GOB Michael. REBEL George-Michael! RON ...as an emboldened George Maharis gave Rebel a note that she now believed he'd written for her. RON And for the son it was a night to remember, and for the father, a night to forget. MICHAEL Rebel! Michael. RON It was May fifth… RON …and as Rebel was on the phone, George-Michael realized that taking things casually wasn't going to be an option for him. MICHAEL I know that… REBEL Look, there's somebody here right now. MICHAEL I don't care. I’m coming over. REBEL You can come over later. Okay? Goodbye. MICHAEL I’ll see you soon. GEORGE MICHAEL Who was that? REBEL No one. GEORGE MICHAEL Look, I-- I don't care. I-- I don't care that you're seeing someone else. I-- I just-- I wanna continue this. I'm ready to try and make this work. I’ll fight anyone I have to for you. I'm not going to pretend I don't care about you. I'm a grown-up man. And I wanna get serious. REBEL Wow. Serious. Things are getting serious. RON And the girl who was never capable of making a commitment… REBEL Okay. RON …suddenly found herself making too many. REBEL Okay. GEORGE MICHAEL Okay. RON George-Michael felt good. And at least for that day, he wouldn't encounter his father in Rebel's bedroom. RON He'd run into him leaving the building. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey! What are you doing here? MICHAEL I’m-- I’m on a visit. I’m visiting. GEORGE MICHAEL My girlfriend lives here. Rebel. MICHAEL Wow. So you guy-- You’re gonna work it out with your girlfriend. Good for you. That’s great news. Great to see you again. GEORGE MICHAEL That says-- That says Rebel, huh? But-- Is that a--? Is that a little gift for Rebel? MICHAEL I'm dating Rebel Alley. So there better be two Rebels in here, am I right? GEORGE MICHAEL I'm dating Rebel Alley. MICHAEL GEORGE MICHAEL MICHAEL That'd be weird. No, ironically, she did say that there was another guy, but that his name was George Maharis. GEORGE MICHAEL Maharis. That's me. MICHAEL You're George-Michael. GEORGE MICHAEL No, but I-- Uh, yeah, but I use the name George Maharis when-- With women because, you-- I hate the name George-Michael! I told you that. MICHAEL This is, uh-- This is weird. Are you not kidding me? GEORGE MICHAEL Say-- No. MICHAEL Oh, son! GEORGE MICHAEL So you're the other guy! MICHAEL I'm the other-- Well, you're the other guy. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah. Well, one of us. MICHAEL Did I not tell you that we were alike? Exactly alike. This is just-- GEORGE MICHAEL Horrifying. MICHAEL ---too funny. This is what I was talking about. I told ya. I mean, we’re like twins. Are we not like twins? All the way down to the photo booth. You name me one way in which we're different. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, Dad, you know I never in a million years would have gone out with her if I knew that you were, you-- You know, the other guy. MICHAEL Me neither. GEORGE MICHAEL I-- MICHAEL I wouldn't have either. Damn it. You know? You've gotta believe me. This is just-- This is, uh-- GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah. How--? How did you know about the photo booth? How--? You-- You said, right down to the photo… MICHAEL I said right down to the photo booth. RON Ironically, he could have told the truth and said he’d taken a Forget-Me-Now, but like the victim of a roofie circle, having taken one was the only memory he had lost. So instead he doubled down on this. MICHAEL It’s like we're identical twin-- RON On the next Arrested Development... RINGTONE Get away, Getaway RON Gob gets an important call from his mother. GOB Hello. LUCILLE She’s gone. Lucille Two has disappeared, and it’s time for you to step up and be president of the Bluth Company. Keep your nose clean. No scandals. GOB Okay. RON And even though Gob hadn't taken a forget-me… RON …now the night before, it seems Tony Wonder had. SIGNS 5:17 TONY WONDER VOICECALL TONY Hey, Gobie, it's Tony. We still on for our sex date tonight? RON And this happens. BUSTER Hello? Oh! Okay. POLICE OFFICER ONE Are you Buster Bluth? BUSTER I am. POLICE OFFICER ONE Hmm. BUSTER Okay, this-- POLICE OFFICER ONE Can we come in? BUSTER This isn't my house. What's this regarding? POLICE OFFICER ONE That’s all right, the-- POLICE OFFICER ONE You're under arrest for the murder of Lucille Austero. Read him his rights. I’ll call it in. BUSTER I think there's been some kind of mistake. That left hand might be difficult to cuff. POLICE OFFICER TWO I'm having trouble cuffing him. BUSTER I'm not a monster! POLICE OFFICER TWO I got it. POLICE OFFICER ONE Ju-- All right. Great. JOHN BEARD Well, the… TEXT JOHN BEARD ANCHOR I NEWS TEXT ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BRYCE, AND RON DON’T FORGET YOU HAVE THAT DERMATOLOGICAL APPOINTMENT AT TWO… JOHN BEARD …infamous Bluth family is at it again. This time facing murder charges. And our Imagine cameras were there to capture it all. TEXT ARRAIGNED DEVELOPMENT BUSTED BLUTH JOHN BEARD While we journalists have to remain impartial, I think it's pretty safe to say that this monster's been caught big-handed! RON Did you see this? BRIAN GRAZER Yeah. I just saw it just now in the elevator. Is this is the family you've been talking about? RON Sure is. BRIAN GRAZER Wow. You got the rights to this? RON Well, only for the killer. But that's enough for us to get a green light, right? BRIAN GRAZER Absolutely! It's our next Da Vinci Code! RON Yay! BRIAND GRAZER Yeah. RON That’s great. Plus, it’s gonna put Imagine News on the map. JOHN BEARD This is John Beard. Remember, love each other.