ALL ANDY BARRY BECK_FRIEND CARLOS DEANN DOUG FRESHMAN_YEAR GEORGE GEORGE_MICHAEL GEORGE_SR GOB GUITARIST GUY_ONE HOST JESUS_KRIST JOHN_BEARD JUSTIN LONNY LUCILLE MAEBY MAN_ONE MAN_ON_PHONE MICHAEL MORT PA_PERSON PHOTOGRAPHER PUBLICIST RAY RAY_FRIEND REBEL ROCKY RON ROSALITA ROSE SCARLET SECURITY_GUARD SIGN TAYLOR TERRY TEXT TOBIAS TOM TRACEY RON George-Michael Bluth had never been more popular. GEORGE MICHAEL RON He was surrounded by people who were thrilled to be in his company. GEORGE MICHAEL No, I'm fine. I’m fine. He was tickling me in there. Carlos was-- Was tickling me. TERRY They're almost out of root beer, so I got you one with the last bit of root beer, because I remember that somebody was saying that, um, George-Michael likes root beer. RON And as his business was taking off… GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, yeah. I do. Hey, thanks a lot. Hey, you guys don’t have to do all this, you know? This was just a little get together for my girlfriend to show her I'm doing well, you know. Show her I'm an adult. RON …so was his romantic life. CARLOS Ha, ha. I thought you said you're not ticklish. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, stop it. You’re dead. You’re so dead. TERRY That was the last root beer sno-cone. I got that for him, Carlos. CARLOS Teach you for being such a kiss-ass, Terry. RON And it was an ex-Bluth Company Employee who was most grateful to be in his company. TOM Come on, guys. Not cool. He means a lot to all of us. TOM Want any of these? GEORGE MICHAEL No, I'm fine. You know, I really appreciate you guys doing all this. Like, I just I wish I understood why. TOM That's why. Because you could ask us why we do this and mean it. TERRY The fact that you could be so down to earth. CARLOS And look so young. TERRY While you’re starting this giant company. CARLOS You've created an opportunity many of us thought we'd never have again. GEORGE MICHAEL See, that's the part I don't understand, Carlos. CARLOS You know my name! TERRY You're just a kiss-ass, Carlos. CARLOS What's his name? What's his name? GEORGE MICHAEL Okay, guys, I'm gonna learn all your names. I promise. REBEL George? RON And that's when he heard what had become his name. GEORGE MICHAEL Rebel. REBEL Hey, um, what is--? What is all this? GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, it’s just a little surprise. REBEL You did this for me? GEORGE MICHAEL Yes. Well-- Well, the-- They did it for me, but-- But only because they knew I wanted to do something for you. REBEL Maybe we could talk without your friends. GEORGE MICHAEL I mean, these guys aren't really my friends, you know. I barely know their names. REBEL GEORGE MICHAEL I mean, I know Carlos, but only because of that old song “Carlos the Tickle Monster.” REBEL Wait, what song is that? GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, God, I knew he made that up. But it did help me remember. GEORGE MICHAEL Anyway, don't worry about these guys. They're not listening to a word we're saying. Now, how about that kiss? REBEL We need to talk. PARTY-GOERS Ooh! RON Now the story of a family whose future was abruptly canceled, and the one son who had no choice but to keep her himself together. It's George-Michael’s Arrested Development. RON George-Michael's life was very different… RON … months before developing the software program that would change his life. GUITARIST Keep your balls in the air Keep those balls in the air GEORGE MICHAEL And that's where the song should have ended. So I guess we all got a little carried away. GUITARIST Are you sure? We all ended at the same time. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, well, that's because you all sped up together. GEORGE MICHAEL Now, you know, if I was in your band, I would say, you know, let's do the whole fast and loose with tempo thing. But this is about my demo tape to Juilliard , and they've gotta dig what I do so much that they start an entire department for woodblock. So I'm sorry guys-- GEORGE MICHAEL And you’re leaving. Okay. They left early. Proves my point. She was cute. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, but And they were playing way too loud, anyway, right? Could you even hear the block? P-HOUND Right at the end. We could record you separately, and then mix it louder on the computer. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, then I'm not playing in a band. I mean, the whole point of the band is to showcase my amazing internal clock. You know, that's something you have to be born with. RON Or bred with. RON Which was the case with George-Michael, who as a small child appeared in a promotional video for a developmental tool called BabyTock GEORGE SR BabyTock will give your child a head start in math. GEORGE SR And if I were a doctor, I would guarantee you that it would boost their brain power by a hundred and ten percent. GEORGE SR That's a lot of brain power. GEORGE SR And you've been using BabyTock, correct? For how long? TRACEY For two months. TRACEY But George-Michael really enjoys listening to the sound. GEORGE SR And would you say it's changed the power of his brain? TRACEY Uh, well, that's impossible-- LUCILLE To deny. I've always wanted a smart baby. This thing really works, George. RON In fact it came from something that didn't. LUCILLE So we're stuck with five thousand of these worthless Cornballers? RON When they were looking to recoup some of their costs after an ill-fated foray… RON …into the fry-at-home snack-food market. GEORGE SR Whoa, whoa, they're not worthless. You know? The timer still works. There’s no numbers on it, but it's loud, so… LUCILLE Perfect. For those who like the sound of a clock but don't know their numbers. GEORGE SR That's good. We’ll sell this to babies!. Ow! Mother of . GEORGE SR. We should put these in cribs. LUCILLE That's not a half puny thought. GEORGE MICHAEL And that Juilliard thing is… GEORGE MICHAEL …confidential from my dad, by the way. He's never gonna want me pursue a career in-- P-HOUND Hitting a block of wood? GEORGE MICHAEL Music. Yes. You know, he still thinks of me as the same George-Michael that I was before my life blew apart. You know, before the world cracked me open and I became the guy that you're looking at now. P-HOUND George-Michael 2.0. GEORGE MICHAEL God, I hate my name. RON The last five years had been a whirlwind for... TEXT BALBOA TOWERS RON …George-Michael. He celebrated… TEXT GOOD LUCK IN COLLEGE GEORGE MICHAEL! RON …going off to college at a party with his family. A BANNER READS GOOD LUCK IN COLLEGE, GEORGE- MICHAEL.) GEORGE SR Hey, next week, huh? Congratulations. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, thanks. LUCILLE We are so proud. GEORGE SR And we have a little something for you. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, no. You don't have to do anything. I mean, you-- You’ve thrown me this meeting. GEORGE SR And little something something to buy a car. GEORGE MICHAEL What? No. God, really? GEORGE SR Really. GEORGE MICHAEL No. GEORGE SR Yes. GEORGE MICHAEL Maeby. MAEBY Holy. RON But the party wouldn't last long. MICHAEL You know what? I am done with this family. I hope you’ve saved some money, ;cause you're going to need every dime now. What's that? MICHAEL Return it. Or rip it up. GEORGE SR Michael. MICHAEL Come on. Here we go. Give it a rip. Rip it up. Right down the center. MICHAEL That’s it. Rip it. A couple more. Did you get it? I’m proud of you. GEORGE SR Happy birthday. GOB Happy birthday, George-Michael. TOBIAS Happy birthday. ALL Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you RON But don't worry, Michael did make sure his son got a car. MICHAEL Get outta here! SIGN BLUTH COMPANY RON As he sent him off to college. TEXT DRIVE SAFELY TEXT YOUR FUTURE STARTS NOW GEORGE MICHAEL RON And although he arrived at college without his possessions, he was finally at a place where he felt he'd fit in. TEXT PARKING ENTER GUY ONE Hey, hey! Check it out! GEORGE MICHAEL No. No. No, no. What? TEXT FRESHMAN YEAR RON In his Freshman year, George-Michael hit the ground running. RON He was breaking some of the old taboos, drinking Pepsi in the morning. GEORGE MICHAEL Let’s make it a Pepsi. GEORGE MICHAEL So it’s a breakfast combo with a Pepsi. RON Sometimes having eggs at night. GEORGE MICHAEL How about some eggs? GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, excuse me. I forgot it wasn’t morning. RON He was soon finding that others enjoyed his sense of humor. GEORGE MICHAEL I forgot it wasn't morning. RON A present from his Uncle Gob elevated his newfound confidence. GEORGE MICHAEL Hi. My Uncle is a magician. SIGN GOB SIGN STATE EVIDE RON Before diminishing it. But before he knew it…. TEXT SOPHOMORE YEAR RON …sophomore year was upon him. And… RON …everything got turned up to eleven. GEORGE MICHAEL Boom. And that's what we call only being behind by three. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, so then that stuff’s all going on with the Sitwell company. And then we end up playing them in softball game. RON Highlights. Loyal friends. TEXT BECK FRIEND TEXT RAY FRIEND GEORGE MICHAEL I'm like, how can--? RON Romance. GEORGE MICHAEL Becky. RON Betrayal. GEORGE MICHAEL Becky? What's up, Ray? RAY You guys broke up. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, thanks, Ray, I almost forgot. RON The triumph of friendship. GEORGE MICHAEL What's up, Ray? RAY Hey. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, thanks, Ray. I almost forgot. You know who I was thinking about before you sat down? RAY What? GEORGE MICHAEL Becky. Do you remember--? RON And as surely as stability returned… TEXT JUNIOR YEAR RON …junior Year ushered in a new era of experimentation. TEXT HUMAN SEXUALITY LAB KISSING STUDY ROSE It’s all about the science of kissing. GEORGE MICHAEL Sure. ROSE Between a man and a woman. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, that always has fascinated me. ROSE Okay. Sheila will take you. GEORGE MICHAEL Hi, Sheila. Oh, I’m not gonna be with, um… RON As George-Michael tried to compensate for the lack of income from his father, by volunteering for experiments. . SHE IS FLANKED BY SEVERAL BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, ALSO IN LAB COATS. A MONITOR READS.) GEORGE MICHAEL Am I with you, or? Hi. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah. Oh, so I don't run off? ROSE I hope you're not feeling too awkward. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, don't be crazy. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, good. ROSE Now, when the mouth on mouth test begins, I’m gonna be telling out letters that indicate mouth movements. What I need you to do is just give me on a scale of one to ten, your pleasure level. GEORGE MICHAEL Fine. ROSE Ten being the most pleasurable, one the least. Let’s hope we get to ten. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, work my way up to it. ROSE Bringing in the mouth unit! RON And that's when he realized what the straps were for. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, okay-- Oh, God. Okay, so it’s not a gonna be a pers-- ROSE And C? GEORGE MICHAEL I think one on C. ROSE M? N? GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, one, I’m gonna say. ROSE M. GEORGE MICHAEL One for sure on-- One. ROSE And Z. GEORGE MICHAEL One. ROSE N. GEORGE MICHAEL One. ROSE F. GEORGE MICHAEL One. ROSE F. GEORGE MICHAEL One. ROSE F. GEORGE MICHAEL One. ROSE F. GEORGE MICHAEL One. RON But it wasn't until his year… TEXT STUDY ABROAD SPAIN RON …abroad that George-Michael got an education in life. TEXT UCI EXTENSION CAMPUS RON Because after a year of trying not to be an imposing guest in his new country, he was ready for a… ROSALITA/BERNARDO RON …summer that would end up turning his life upside down… RON …when the woman whose children he was nannying… RON …opened him up sexually. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, hey. Did Ernesto get his four o'clock? ROSALITA The drones are coming. Nothing matters now. ROSALITA Why do you kiss like this? GEORGE MICHAEL Like what? ROSALITA The teeth, they must not be used like this. RON It was actually a jaw and lip retraction issue, but she had neither a command of the language nor the data that we do. ROSALITA You make love like a boy. GEORGE MICHAEL Spanish. Speak to me in Spanish. Because the only way the college credit is actually activated is if I have-- ROSALITA Tomame. GEORGE MICHAEL Cook? Cook at--? Cooking at you? ROSALITA Overpower me. Oh, yes. Make my cry. GEORGE MICHAEL You're a terrible mother. ROSALITA RON And so it was a very different George-Michael… TEXT SENIOR YEAR RON …that returned to school for senior year… RON …eager to unleash his new overt sexuality on an unsuspecting campus. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, man. It gets better. RON And for George-Michael, senior year did get better. RON He was like a king returning to his castle. GEORGE MICHAEL I sort of feel like a king returning to his castle. TEXT GEORGE TEXT MICHAEL RON Only to discover that they thought he was two kings… DOUG Welcome to your castle. RON …and they had doubled the size of his castle. GEORGE MICHAEL Double castle. DOUG Can't wait to meet Michael, George. RON It would be the perfect backdrop to unveil George-Michael 2.O. GEORGE MICHAEL Todo mio. Todo mia? Mio. TEXT TWO MONTHS LATER… RON But George-Michael's development was about to be forestalled. ) MICHAEL Hey. GEORGE MICHAEL Dad. MICHAEL Pete died. GEORGE MICHAEL God. Uh, who's, uh, Pete? MICHAEL Don't worry about it. Don’t you worry about it. And I like this. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, yeah? MICHAEL I like the moustache. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh. It’s kind of fun. MICHAEL That’s great. Probably gonna shave it off before the start of next quarter, otherwise they’re gonna think you’re a musician. Huh? But I love it. Dude. TEXT SIX MONTHS LATER… GEORGE MICHAEL I'm never gonna be louder than an electric guitar. Maybe using a band to showcase my woodblock skill is a dumb idea. P-HOUND Well, too bad there's no such thing as an electric woodblock. GEORGE MICHAEL That sounds like a mother of an invention. RON And so they set to work… RON …inventing a downloadable app that would allow one to play an electronic version of a woodblock on their smart phone. GEORGE MICHAEL Yes, yes. And the harder you hit it, the louder it-- It gets. You see, that's important. Well, now, that's what it is. So it's basically like you'll always have a woodblock with you. I can't believe nobody's ever done this. RON A quick “something” search would have shown the guys… RON …that there were already three woodblock apps on the market. P-HOUND Okay, so there are three on the market. RON Which they did. GEORGE MICHAEL RON But even after doing that search they were undeterred. GEORGE MICHAEL Download them. Come on, let's do it. P-HOUND I hope we're not doing this on my account. GEORGE MICHAEL No, we’re doing it so that we can see what the competition is like. P-HOUND No, I mean, on my iTunes account. GEORGE MICHAEL It's ninety-nine cents. P-HOUND Yeah, times three. TEXT MOMENTS LATER… RON And soon they realized what kind of competition they were up against. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, these are a joke. P-HOUND I know. GEORGE MICHAEL Where are the mallet choices? There’s no choice of wood weight, or grain type. There’s no diameter hole option. I mean, what is this, BabyTock? P-HOUND BabyTock? GEORGE MICHAEL You know, the sharp metal box that you put in the crib? Is that not a well known--? P-HOUND But this is fine. RON And they set to work. GEORGE MICHAEL No, I understand that.. I get that. But it-- But it just seems like you’re leaving a hole just right in the middle of the block. P-HOUND Well, it won’t be a block on anything 3G. RON Although some of the work had to happen outside the room. MICHAEL Buddy, is that school work? RON Which was challenging. RON And soon they were close to finishing an app they had decided to call… GEORGE MICHAEL Woodblock. It's taken. BlockWood. It’s taken. RON And that's when he came up with-- GEORGE MICHAEL Block of Wood? RON Which was also taken. GEORGE MICHAEL Wow. P-HOUND Block-block? GEORGE MICHAEL No. People are gonna think we're in the chicken-noise business. P-HOUND How is that a chicken-noise? GEORGE MICHAEL You know. Well-- GEORGE MICHAEL Okay, It’s kinda hard to do in these matador pants, but, you know, it’s like-- Block-Blo-- MAN ON PHONE FakeBlock is available. Do you want FakeBlock? GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, uh, okay. They have FakeBlock. Okay, yes, we’ll take that. No problem. That’s no problem. Could you hang onto that for me please? And I’ll call you back. Thank you. GEORGE MICHAEL Uh, it's five thousand dollars for the domain name, and then there's this whole XML website fee. P-HOUND I got the last one. GEORGE MICHAEL What? That was ninety nine cents. P-HOUND Times three. RON And George-Michael realized he needed to bring in some cash. DEANN Uh, we actually have a variety of subjects that high school students need tutoring in. If you wanna just take a look at that list and let me know if there’s anything there that you've handled before. RON There was. Although George-Michael couldn't imagine it was the same Maeby. TEXT MAEBY F ALGEBRA GEORGE MICHAEL Is this F in Maeby F her last name, or her grade? DEANN Uh, it’s her last name. But her most recent grade is-- Well, this just shows an Elvis Presley Head. GEORGE MICHAEL So that bad. Uh, I'll take her. DEANN Stay on top of her. You may need to ride her pretty hard. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, you must be-- What? P-HOUND This is the girl you broke up with? GEORGE MICHAEL Huh? What is this? Well, I can't wear this. Yeah, well, we dated for a while, but, you know, I was a kid, and I didn't know how to kiss yet. I don't know. For whatever reason, I listened to my dad who said we shouldn't make it work. P-HOUND Was she your first? GEORGE MICHAEL Cousin? No. Why would your--? Why would your mind go right to--?No. No, it's just, he was right, we were kids. I wasn't yet O.S. P-HOUND Overtly sexual. RON Overtly sexual. GEORGE MICHAEL Right. As I live and breathe. Crazy. That's just crazy. GEORGE MICHAEL Okay, so listen. After I let her in, you go and try and keep my dad out. All right? I can't let him get in the way of this one. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, you must be-- RON But first, he had to cover his tracks. GEORGE MICHAEL What? RON This had to look like fate. MAEBY George-Michael? GEORGE MICHAEL Huh? What is this? MAEBY GEORGE MICHAEL Maeby? What are you doing here? As I live and breathe, I-- RON But for the phrase “as I live and breathe,” he nailed it. GEORGE MICHAEL I thought you were the girl I'm supposed to tutor a kid from-- MAEBY High school? Yeah. That's me. GEORGE MICHAEL Crazy. That's just crazy. MAEBY Uh-huh. RON And even though George-Michael wanted to seduce her, he couldn't help but challenge her strategy for staying in… RON …high school. GEORGE MICHAEL Still, I mean, you have to make a living. Right? Don't you need an education? MAEBY Well, don’t forget, I'm a Harris. GEORGE MICHAEL A Harris? MAEBY Yeah. Someone who inharris a lot of money. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, well, you know, I wouldn't put all my Anns in that basket. MAEBY You know, it’s fine. You don’t get it. You've never been a risk taker. I like to with people. That’s what I do. I'm making a statement. P-HOUND I love it. MAEBY You know, I knew you were cool when I saw you wearing that shirt. P-HOUND Thanks. RON More betrayal. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, no I get it too. No, I love-- I love it too. You know, I-- I love to love now. RON George-Michael found himself less overtly sexual than he'd hoped. GEORGE MICHAEL I made a forty year old woman cry in Spain. P-HOUND I love making love to Spanish women. GEORGE MICHAEL Get out. RON And with his roommate gone, George- Michael slipped back into seduction mode. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, a man, a woman, a bedroom. Let's solve for X. MAEBY I don't know what you're talking about. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, you know, in algebra, the-- You have an unknown element, and, uh, we call that X and then you have to solve for it to find out what number X is. MAEBY X isn't a number. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, so you don’t even really know the-- The basic-- The basics of algebra. Let me just show you-- I’ll just show-- RON But in that moment, the urge to educate her was more powerful than the urge to kiss her. GEORGE MICHAEL Get this stuff real quick. GEORGE MICHAEL All right. So if you… TEXT X MINUTES LATER… GEORGE MICHAEL …you take something like this, like, 3x plus one equals ten. RON And with the algebra lesson complete, George-Michael pivoted back to his overtly sexual seduction. GEORGE MICHAEL So therefore, when I say, you and me, and a bedroom, let’s solve for X, um, I’m stating it as a kind of formula. MAEBY Yeah, let's get wasted. Let's drink that formula. GEORGE MICHAEL It’s not that kind of formula. No, I’ll show you what a formula is real quick, because that’s very important. You’re gonna wanna-- RON But when the door opened, George- Michael's window of opportunity closed. ) MICHAEL Excuse me. Hello? GEORGE MICHAEL Dad. Hey. MICHAEL Bad news. P-Hound's yanking our chain again. MAEBY Uncle Michael? MICHAEL Oh, my God. RON And after a brief reunion, George-Michael had another opportunity to impress his cousin. MICHAEL Have you told her about your software yet? Have your heard this? MAEBY No. Software? MICHAEL He’s got this privacy software, keeps people from stealing your stuff. Tell her, pal MAEBY So its privacy software that’s also anti-piracy? RON George-Michael weighed his options. Maeby had chastised him for not taking risks, and what would be a bigger risk than perpetuating a lie about software just to ignite the passions of a woman. RON Of course, it would be a lie, and since Maeby wouldn't know it was a lie, he wouldn't appear to be taking a risk. Perhaps the bigger risk was to tell his father he was lying. That he came up with it because he wanted his father to leave so he could enjoy what remained of his senior year. RON After all, he wondered, wouldn't that be the course of action taken by an overtly sexual man, a man who owns a pair of matador pants? RON He had not responded now for forty-one seconds according to his unfailing internal clock, and it was time to come clean. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, thanks. Yeah, it’s a-- Well, it’s just a Boolean driven aggregation, really, of what programmers call hacker-traps that uses false meta-data… RON And he found himself suddenly and effortlessly tapping into a long inbred instinct for lying. A Bluth taking his first steps in deceit. But the more he talked, the more he actually started to like the idea. GEORGE MICHAEL …on top of a FORTRAN architecture to create, you know, a fake profile that would misdirect and reroute copiers or users away from anyone's personal information and property. So, you know, in other words, you know when you have friends, you know, and you’re-- You’re listening to music and they wanna steal your music and copy your movies or-- Or just look at your photos? You know, this prevents that. It just neutralizes that so it’s not even a threat anymore. It's called FakeBlock. MICHAEL Great name, right? GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, well, you know, it’s super low-hanging fruit. MICHAEL Well. GEORGE MICHAEL Someone’s gonna do it. We’re just trying to be those guys, you know? RON And, impressed with his own invention… RON …he set about making an impossible dream a reality. GEORGE MICHAEL It's a fake profile that leads hackers away from your actual data. So do you think we can make something like that? P-HOUND You mean something that keeps everything on the internet private and protects everyone's digital rights? GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah. I mean, think about, everyone has something that they want removed from the internet. RON George-Michael certainly did. RON And if the new software served no other purpose than removing this... ROSALITA TEXT “I ****ED THIS GUY!” RON …it would be worth it. ROSALITA GEORGE MICHAEL I mean, if we could make something like that, it could be bigger than Facebook. I mean, who wouldn’t want something like that? Do you think you can do it? P-HOUND No. GEORGE MICHAEL No, of course not. No, I mean-- . Well, this is my chance with Maeby and I can't even get rid of my own father. You know, what if we just did a vote? Just the roommates? We do a quick vote and it's ciao, Fathero. P-HOUND He's gonna know who voted against him. GEORGE MICHAEL Not if I get him to vote against himself. P-HOUND Why would he do that? GEORGE MICHAEL No, he wouldn't. He woul-- I-- I was just leaning back, so it looked like I-- I got this chair again, didn't I? Maybe I just need to be clear and just say… GEORGE MICHAEL …I'm putting a wall up. We need to rework our whole system here. MICHAEL Sounds like you guys are working on your privacy software, huh? GEORGE MICHAEL Uh, hey. How’d you find me? RON And long story short, Michael did end up embracing the voting-out-a-roommate idea. MICHAEL Uh, Chang’s grandpa… MICHAEL And it's adios, brothero. It cannot fail. MAEBY That was fun. GEORGE MICHAEL Did he look betrayed to you? MAEBY He kind of always looks that way. MAEBY I'm going to catch the bus. P-HOUND Bye. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, uh, okay. Hey, listen,. Are you gonna come by Thursday, or, uh--? MAEBY Um, I don’t think so. I have a thing in LA. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, can you blow it off? I mean, you know, you might wanna get graduating high school out of the way. MAEBY Well, I'm getting a lifetime achievement award at this gala. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, you might wanna get that out of the way too, I guess. MAEBY Yeah. GEORGE MICHAEL But, hey you want me to go with you on that, or--? I mean, I can pick you up at your place? MAEBY Oh, they're actually shooting a thing at my place. TOBIAS Oh, no! No! No! I need--! RON As it turns out, they'd end up just clubbing a thing. MAN ONE Oh. TAYLOR I got him! TEXT KLIMPY’S EXPRESS MAEBY You know what? Yeah, that might actually be a good idea. Because I can't bring any of my friends without getting permission slips from their parents. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, that's not really a problem for me. MAEBY Yeah, because you just betrayed yours, right? GEORGE MICHAEL MAEBY Awesome. RON George-Michael and Maeby arrived at a hotel busy with three separate events. No, no. MAEBY GEORGE MICHAEL Well, it's-- It’s really nice to be out with you as adults, you know. In Spain, they don’t even eat dinner until after 11PM. MAEBY Wow, Spain really changed you. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, you grow up very quickly in Spain. Oh, my God I know this guy. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey. Hey, man. Hey. JUSTIN Hey, man. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey. JUSTIN What are you on? PUBLICIST Oh, he's nobody. GEORGE MICHAEL Right. That’s Justin. That’s David Henrie. He’s Justin on “Wizards of Waverly Place.” It’s just-- PA PERSON Can we get all the actors from Wizards of Waverly Place together for a chat, please? MAEBY Hm. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, it’s on a lot in Spain. MAEBY Well, I’m gonna go mingle with a bunch of 13 year olds who think they can still play fifth grade. Have fun. RON And George-Michael set out to re-unleash his overtly sexual persona. GEORGE MICHAEL I’ll catch up. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh. Gentlemen start your engines. .) GEORGE MICHAEL I will be needing a room, please. SCARLET How many nights? GEORGE MICHAEL Two. Sorry, no. Just one night. I thought you were saying “how many people.” SCARLET And how many beds. GEORGE MICHAEL Two. SCARLET Two. GEORGE MICHAEL No. Uh, one bed. Why give her any option? Keep it real simple. One bed, one night, two people, let's solve for X. SCARLET I hate young Hollywood. MAEBY It’s called FakeBlock, Mort. It’s gonna blow Schnoodle out of the water… RON And it was on his way back to Maeby that he heard her say… MAEBY It’s called FakeBlock! GEORGE MICHAEL What’s this? You’re talking--?Talking to them about FakeBlock? REBEL Oh, how does your privacy software work? GEORGE MICHAEL Huh? Well, it's private. RON And that's how George-Michael not only met Rebel, but finally found a way to prove to Maeby that he was a risk taker. GEORGE MICHAEL …I’m doing this GEORGE MICHAEL Yes, yes. George Maharis. TEXT GEORGE MAHARIS RISK TAKER RON Only to discover moments later… MAEBY Perfecto. RON …that she was dating an even bigger risk taker. GEORGE MICHAEL De nada. MAEBY That's my undercover cop boyfriend. I'm trying to get in bed. GEORGE MICHAEL Boy--? It’s so funny that didn't come up in the car. REBEL So how does it work? GEORGE MICHAEL Huh? How does what work? REBEL Your privacy software. How does it protect you from piracy? GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, I don't know. Don't worry about it. REBEL Oh, no, no. No, you really piqued my interest. GEORGE MICHAEL I'm sorry. RON And discouraged that he'd lost Maeby, he tried to salvage his night by taking a picture of Gibby from iCarly. RON As he was doing this, however, this happened. RON The explosion caused an electrical surge, rendering the Schnoodle software inoperable… RON …which, to those who saw him, seemed like a genius act of cyber sabotage. RON Which led to this. REBEL What happened? MORT Eh, it's dead. That geek Maharis destroyed the whole thing. And you know why? Just because he could. Those internet geniuses. That’s what they do. I’m ruined. I’ll probably never get to drive the Schnoodle Car. Hey, we should work together. REBEL No. MORT Smart. RON And a few days later, it would lead to this. TEXT NO SMOKING STOP YOUR MOTOR JOHN BEARD I'm John Beard and here's your fifteen seconds of news. FakeBlock's mystery man George Maharis… TEXT JOHN BEARD UNLEAD JOHN BEARD …may have just found a way to screw a cap on the internet and investors are lining up to fill the company’s tank with money, even though he himself remains anonymous. JOHN BEARD That's all the news that's fit to pump. I quit. RON By the time George-Michael returned to campus, even his roommate had heard of George Maharis' FakeBlock. P-HOUND This George Maharis stole our name. But we have it registered, so we can sell it to him for a fortune. GEORGE MICHAEL No, I am George Maharis. I'm behind the whole thing. I-- I wanted to impress Maeby, so I told her I that I created this privacy software. P-HOUND Why would you do that? GEORGE MICHAEL You know, it’s like the time that you told that girl that you were George Takei's son. P-HOUND Well, it's too late. This thing's taking off. They're saying FakeBlock knocked out Schnoodle. GEORGE MICHAEL That was a coincidence. It must have been a power surge. P-HOUND We gotta do something. At least get our five grand back. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, I put in the five grand. You put in three dollars. P-HOUND Well, you may have put in the most money to FakeBlock, but I put in the first three dollars. So that makes you a hop-on. GEORGE MICHAEL No, you’re the hop-on, Paul, and I know exactly who you're trying to hop on to. Maeby. P-HOUND Maybe. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, well, you know she's dating a cop, right? P-HOUND Yeah, she likes guys that take risks. Like the P-- MAEBY Hi. P-HOUND Hou-- MAEBY Get moving. Can you believe this? RON Maeby was excited, but George-Michael knew the stakes were too high for him to continue the lie. MAEBY FakeBlock. It's exploding. I got my P.R. people fanning this. And I even cashed in a favor to get us mentioned on Mad Money. GEORGE MICHAEL You know, I think we just might wanna slow down a little bit on the whole FakeBlock thing. Because I'm still not a hundred percent finished with it. MAEBY Well, how finished are you with it? Two hundred percent? Five hundred percent? GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, I also feel like I'm not a hundred percent finished with your math tutoring. Do we have those books here? We can-- RON And then Maeby said something that made his change his mind. MAEBY I trust you, George-Michael. I would not get into bed with you on this thing if I didn't trust you. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, I mean, of-- Of course you can trust me in bed. MAEBY No, I-- I mean, I trust you not to take advantage of me. GEORGE MICHAEL No, I wouldn’t, we would-- We would just lie there. MAEBY We'd just lie there? I mean, I’m talking about business. GEORGE MICHAEL So am I. That's why we would just lie there. MAEBY Okay. Because I was gonna say, when you become an internet billionaire, you can do whatever you want with me in bed. RON It was that. That's what made him change his mind. GEORGE MICHAEL I will. I will. RON And if it was so wrong to lie, surely he would receive some sort of sign. TEXT JESUS KRIST GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, hey, I should get this. RON But that wasn't it. That was his uncle Gob wanting to meet him at a gay club to tell him his father was anxious to see him. GEORGE MICHAEL Hi, Uncle Gob. GOB I need to see you tonight. It's about your father and you. GEORGE MICHAEL Really? Is--? Is he upset? GOB Do I seem like a clown to you?? GEORGE MICHAEL I got it. RON George-Michael was worried… RON … and even more so when he caught up with his uncle at a magic club. PHOTOGRAPHER Newbie! GOB We’ll scrub it out. This FakeBlock thing will scrub it away. It’s fine. GEORGE MICHAEL You know about FakeBlock? You know, that’s my software. See, I wonder if my dad thinks I'm blowing him off, because that’s starting to take off now. GOB Well, you should go find out, because I do know that your dad is really, really, really upset at you. GEORGE MICHAEL He is upset? I asked you that. That was literally the first thing I asked you. See you, you’re giving me these crazy-- GOB Mad? RON So it was a very shaken George-Michael… RON …who arrived later at the Ealing Club. ANDY What do you mean I'm already up there? RON As a frustrated Andy Richter was having trouble getting into the club he was a member of. ANDY Obviously, I'm not already up there, because I'm here. It’s my stupid brother. He looks just like me. I'll just go up, I'll find him. I’ll st-- ANDY Oh, come on. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, hey, Donny. Hey, I had you for a semester at Openings. ANDY Yeah, okay. All right. Hey, come on, I’m-- I’m his guest. SECURITY GUARD Is this man your guest? GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, no, no. I'm just meeting my dad here. ANDY Oh, screw this, I'm going up. Oh, come--! SECURITY GUARD Go on up. GEORGE MICHAEL All right, thanks. ANDY Oh, come on! Oh, some Openings child you are, man. RON And George-Michael girded… RON …himself for his first meeting with his father since he voted him out of the dorm. GEORGE MICHAEL Hi. Yeah, just a sea-breeze, please. Make it a strong one. Just put some stank on that. REBEL George? REBEL George Maharis? RON And that's when he heard the name he'd forgotten he'd given out as his own. RON So he tried not to act surprised to hear it when he saw it was Rebel. GEORGE MICHAEL I see you. RON Unfortunately that meant being stuck affecting a blasé attitude. REBEL Rebel Alley. We spoke three days ago. GEORGE MICHAEL I know. I know. I remember. REBEL Are you a member here? GEORGE MICHAEL No, I'm not. No, I just walked in past the big black security guard. RON All of which now worked against him. REBEL Okay. You know what? I was trying to be nice, but you were just a jerk. You're a bigger jerk than Andy Richter over there. ) ROCKY Loosen up, bitch. I'm Andy Richter. I probably make, like, eight thousand dollars a day or something. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, hey-- Hey, um-- I'm sorry. Uh, I-- You know, I'm in the middle of a whole thing with my dad right now, and I-- I d-- I didn’t mean to be however I came off to you. REBEL Badly. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, I'm sorry. You know, I've never met a beautiful actress before. REBEL Oh, so you do know who I am. GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, God, of course I know who you are. You were in the remake of Dangerous Cousins. I signed up to Netflix because of that movie. REBEL GEORGE MICHAEL I think I was thrown that you were interested in who I am. REBEL Well, you are George Maharis. Everyone's talking about your software company. I'm sure women are just throwing themselves at your feet. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, you know I, uh-- I prefer a woman who aims higher. REBEL Oh, that was funny. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, I know, that was good. I was, like, smooth. REBEL Smooth. GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, we have the same taste in words. REBEL Okay, should we get a drink. I'm buying. I don't want you to think I'm after you for your money. RON George-Michael was thrown by what was clearly Rebel's stated interest in him. HOST George-Michael? George-Michael? RON Which is perhaps why he ignored the page that he assumed was from his father. HOST George-Michael? George-Michael? Is George-Michael here? REBEL Is George Michael here? GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, God. Just remind me not to go in the men's room. REBEL TEXT DAD MOBILE GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, ex-- Would you excuse me? I’m-- I’m just gonna use the men’s room. REBEL Okay. RON And while checking… RON … his messages, he got some good news. MICHAEL Hey, buddy. It’s Dad. Um, I having real trouble getting up there. Uh, this traffic is unbelievable. We got a light aircraft right in the middle of the freeway. Call me back when you get this? TEXT MOMENTS LATER… MICHAEL Or--? Or, you know, you can wait for me up there and I can just meet you outside. RON But while Michael was leaving a second message, George-Michael left one for him. MICHAEL Oh. Hey. Hang on this is you. TEXT MOMENTS EARLIER… GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, it's me. You know what? We-- I bet you we're sitting in the exact same traffic. This is a mess. RON Now hoping to ensure that his father didn't make it to their meeting. GEORGE MICHAEL But you know, we can just do this another time if that works-- I mean, maybe that's better-- Oh, God they're forcing us off. TEXT MOMENTS LATER… GEORGE MICHAEL Oh, God, they're forcing us off. But you know? We could just do this another time. If that work-- Maybe that’s better-- Oh, they’re closing the lanes. Oh, this is beautiful. TEXT MOMENTS LATER… MICHAEL Same traffic. Unreal. TEXT MOMENTS EARLIER… MICHAEL Unreal. Kinda looking around for you now. Maybe you're right near me. Anyhow, if you get this, maybe we will just meet somewhere else. MICHAEL Gonna hang up now. I'm gonna video this and send it in to the news. TEXT MOMENTS LATER AND EARLIER… GEORGE MICHAEL Glad you're getting some footage of this. ‘Cause I can't really get a good angle myself. They're forcing us off here like a bunch of animals. You know maybe we'll do this another time, because this is-- Well, it’s sad to say but, I-- It's left me-- TEXT MOMENTS EARLIER… GEORGE MICHAEL Animals. You know maybe we'll do this another-- Uh, it's sad to say, but it's left me pretty shaken up-- GEORGE MICHAEL God, I just hope there are no kids on that plane. GEORGE MICHAEL ‘Cause, you know, they don’t have any choice in the matter. MICHAEL Well, I tell you what. I feel worse for the parents. Okay? Probably, the kids thought they could fly the plane all by themselves. Bet you five hundred bucks they find a dead kid behind the stick. You know? Or maybe on the dead dad’s lap whose only fault was loving that kid too much and letting him fly the plane. Next thing he knows? He’s bouncing off of the top of the Sport Chalet onto the express lane of the 605. I bet you five hundred bucks. RON Michael… RON ..was hurt and on his way out. MICHAEL See you. I’m out of your hair. No need, thank you/ RON When he heard something that cheered him up. SECURITY GUARD The guy that was harassing Rebel is on his way down. MICHAEL You say Rebel? MICHAEL Hey, Andy Richter. Michael Bluth. How you doing Andy? ROCKY Oh, yeah. I-- I'm Andy. MICHAEL So I know him. Can I get on your membership and-- Can you vouch for me? ROCKY Oh, yeah, sure. Whatever you want. MICHAEL Okay. ROCKY It's on Andy. MICHAEL Thank you. ROCKY It's on this rich ass. MICHAEL Bye. GEORGE MICHAEL Not really. Hey. Do you wanna go to her? RON But before Michael could find Rebel, he ran into the man that at that point he still thought… MICHAEL Ron. RON …was her lover. RON Hey. MICHAEL No, no. It’s Michael. Michael Bluth. Doing the film about my family. And-- RON Yeah. When are we gonna get your kid’s signature, though? MICHAEL Yeah, I'm working on it. RON Oh. MICHAEL And I-- If I-- I got a hold of him. RON Oh. MICHAEL And we’re gonna meet him here tonight, but I think that he's blowing me off. RON Well, yeah, kids will be kids, right? MICHAEL Boy, you know, a month ago, I would have told you that he and I are, we’re exactly the same, that were twins, you know. But now? I wouldn't even think of my son as my brother. You know, the thing is that you-- He's busy. TEXT ON THE NEXT… ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT RON On the next Arrested Development RON George-Michael finds himself the subject of a lawsuit over the ownership of FakeBlock. GEORGE MICHAEL Still. BARRY Do me a favor. Could you put in a good word on the missing Lucille 2 case? That's a career maker. That's an O.J. You just need one of those. LONNY Uh, excuse me. Uh, but was it or was it not my client who put up the initial seed money for the block software that served as the underlying architecture of FakeBlock? GEORGE MICHAEL It was ninety-nine cents. P-HOUND/MCCANNS Times three. LONNY Times three. BARRY Times three. BARRY Can I say something to my client? Take to the sea!