BARRY BEATRIX BUSTER CARPENTER CHORIZO_SALESMAN DEAN DOUG DRIVER FLIGHT_ATTENDANT GEORGE_MICHAEL GEORGE_SR GOB GRANDDAD GREG HOUND JASPAR JOHN_BEARD LAKE LUCILLE LUCILLE_2 MAEBY MARIO MICHAEL MOVER MOVER_2 OSCAR PETE RON SALLY SPOON STAN_SITWELL STARSKY TRANG TRISHA UNKNOWN YOUNG_BUSTER YOUNG_GEORGE YOUNG_LUCILLE YOUNG_MICHAEL RON It was May-- It was May 4th and in the bay- side town of Newport Beach, the annual celebration known as Cinco de Cuatro was underway. RON The holiday started as a particularly vicious response by a young Lucille Bluth to the Mexican holiday... YOUNG LUCILLE This still isn't made? RON ...of Cinco de Mayo. YOUNG LUCILLE Rosa! Why is this still a mess? YOUNG GEORGE She said it’s, um, Cinco de Mayo. She’s taken, uh, the day off. YOUNG LUCILLE She said that? YOUNG GEORGE Yeah. YOUNG LUCILLE She called it Cinco de Mayo? YOUNG GEORGE She did. YOUNG LUCILLE Ugh. Why can't they just call it May 5th? This is what I was talking about. YOUNG LUCILLE It’s all part of the Mexican war on May 5th-- YOUNG GEORGE war on May 5th. I know. Yeah. YOUNG LUCILLE It is! RON But even a skeptical George Sr. soon found himself feeling similarly embattled. YOUNG GEORGE Where the f**k are my socks? YOUNG LUCILLE Now it's not so funny, is it? YOUNG GEORGE No. Not funny. YOUNG LUCILLE We should start our own holiday. RON You see, the Hispanics of Newport liked Cinco a lot. But high up on Coast Highway, Lucille Bluth did not. YOUNG GEORGE Don't look like they'll be done anytime soon. RON And then Lucille had a horrible thought. A thought that was thoughtless and better to not. What if, she thought, with a sneering grin YOUNG LUCILLE Next year, what if the party didn't even begin? RON And so began a holiday on the eve... RON ...of the fifth of May... RON ...originally intended to deplete the Party supplies the Cinco De Mayo celebrants were relying upon. CHORIZO SALESMAN Get your chorizo for the chorizo dump. Fill the bay with Chorizo! Chorizo dump. RON Over thirty years, however, it grew and was soon embraced by the Hispanic community... MARIO You buy it, you break it! RON ...for financial reasons. And as the celebrations peaked with a boat parade called the "The Festival of Lights"—another phrase that they wanted back... RON ...one man was about to hit his lowest point. LUCILLE 2 Happy Quatro! Happy Quatro! Let's throw some more taco shells. Ole! MICHAEL Sally. I need to speak to Lucille 2, please. LUCILLE 2 It's okay, Sally. I'll talk to Michael. RON This is Lucille 2, a long time patron of the Bluth family. SALLY I'll be downstairs, kicking myself for not marrying you so many years ago. LUCILLE 2 Michael, do you have something for me? MICHAEL Does bad news count? LUCILLE 2 There's that Bluth wit. Oh, I love your family! RON She certainly had demonstrated that with many of the men in the family. GOB ...with club sauce LUCILLE 2 Oh, stop. You're making me dizzy! RON Even having fallen for a few. RON Although some of that was the vertigo she suffered from... RON …but not all of it. MICHAEL Dad? OSCAR No, no. RON But seriously, she had gotten intimate with Buster and Gob. LUCILLE 2 I need that money I lent you. I'm in the middle of a campaign and I'm desperate for the ad money. MICHAEL You're going to get it, I just need an extension. LUCILLE 2 Why don't you go to your family? MICHAEL I don't need them. What I need is you. LUCILLE 2 What are you suggesting? MICHAEL Okay, that was nasty. LUCILLE 2 Aren't you sweet. MICHAEL Come on. LUCILLE 2 Thank you. MICHAEL Okay. MICHAEL Don't tilt your head. Okay? RON And that's when Michael debased himself. LUCILLE 2 What are you doing? MICHAEL I'm going to have sex with you for money. RON Later that night, after Michael did something unthinkable, he was looking for a place to hide... RON ...and he returned to a long neglected model home he believed to be empty. GOB Thanks for coming so late, Maria. I know that you won't be cleaning up tomorrow… GOB …and we did make quite a mess of that bedroom-- Michael! RON This is Michael's brother, Gob. RON Neither had expected to see each other after some recent unpleasantness. GOB I didn't think I'd be seeing you again after all the unpleasantness. MICHAEL I've been out of control. Sorry. And, in fact, I just did something that I-- I don't know why I did it. GOB Do you want to talk about it? MICHAEL No. I do not. I've said too much already. You cannot help me. GOB Well, I wasn’t hoping to help. I was hoping to rub it in. Because of all the unpleasantness. MICHAEL Got it. GOB Oh, dammit. I meant to throw these into the chipper. God, I'm just not into Cuatro this year. MICHAEL I was the one that was wrong, not you. And besides, you could not make me feel worse right now. GOB Well, I’d be willing to let you have your apology back if you give me the chance to try. I mean, I’m gonna need some specifics about the thing that you're ashamed o, otherwise I'll just be taking general pot shots. GOB Bad example, if you were ashamed of being in love with a man, and suddenly discovered these new feelings, then I might say something like, “Homo much?” MICHAEL It's not that. GOB I said "Bad example." MICHAEL I went to go see Lucille 2 and I just-- I just-- I lost control and I did something that I wish I could forget. You have got no idea how I feel. GOB Well, if you're talking about doing something embarrassing with a woman, then no, I don't. RON But he should have. RON It's almost as if he found a way to simulate amnesia- GOB Hey, I'm down to my last Forget-Me-Now? RON In fact, that is what he had done. GOB Hey, remember me? RON Gob had always taken a pill he called a "forget-me-now" for that, but was commonly known as a "roofie". GOB There's only one left? How could that possibly be? Unless... John Beard Jr! MICHAEL I don't need to get into it. I came here because I thought the house was empty but I can go somewhere else, okay? GOB Hey, listen, Michael, if you want we can split this. MICHAEL No, I feel like this is something that I shouldn’t forget. Okay? And believe me, this is the last time I ever judge you for anything that you ever do. UNKNOWN Oh, sh**! MICHAEL Is that who you were with? I knew it! I always knew it! GOB Take this Michael! Forget! Forget! Put the mask back on! Forget this, Michael! Forget. Forget. Forget, Michael. Forget. Now’s the time to forget. Now you’re forgetting. MICHAEL God. GOB Stupid, forgetful, Michael. RON Now the story of a family whose future was abruptly canceled and the one son who had no choice but to keep himself together. It's Michael's Arrested Development. RON Six months before the forget me now, Michael had made good on a long-standing threat to go to Phoenix. RON And even though the Phoenix he went to was "on-line" he still enjoyed the full college experience by living in a dorm room while doing so. MICHAEL George-Michael. What is my log on password again? RON Unfortunately, it was his son's dorm room at the University of California at Irvine. GEORGE MICHAEL Dad, come on. What have we said is the most important thing? MICHAEL I have tried "family". It does not work for me. GEORGE MICHAEL No. Privacy. RON This is Michael’s son George-Michael. A nice kid. GEORGE MICHAEL No one should have your Password but you. I shouldn't even know it. MICHAEL You've made that point. GEORGE MICHAEL Have I? MICHAEL My point is we have no secrets from each other. We know everything there is to know about each other. We're like twins! GEORGE MICHAEL I don't see us as twins. MICHAEL Yeah? You name me one way in which we're different. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, I think you tend to be better at feeling like you belong places. MICHAEL Do I? MICHAEL I want you to start feeling like you belong places. Look at that guy. Thinks he's a musician. You know, like you've got to start having a little bit better sense of humor about yourself. Look at me, people say I don't age. You know, “Hey, look at that guy, he's got the hair of a teenager,” and I say take your best shot. Because I think that that's a good thing. Because I'm self effacing. Hmm? I want you to be able to do that. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, it's hard to be self effacing when you're a perfect specimen of rugged manlessness. MICHAEL Well, you can't hear this. But we're going to work on it, that's why I'm living in your dorm. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, I thought you were living here because you had nowhere else to go. MICHAEL Yeah, and because of the fact you had this big double room all to yourself because of your name. RON The name George-Michael did create confusion in the campus housing office. DOUG This guy's name is actually "George-Michael." DEAN No, it's two different guys. They're twins, ugly. DEAN We should sign them up for the twin club. DEAN And let’s give them the big handicap room. DOUG Twin… GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, you see, that's the other thing, is that I kind of wanted to use this time to almost kind of, you know, wean off of the name George-Michael. MICHAEL What? GEORGE MICHAEL I don't know. You know, you get older. You do a something search of your own name-- RON In George-Michael's case, you find this TRISHA It was in this men's room in, get this, Beverly Hills that singer George Michael was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover cop. MICHAEL Well, it was your mother's idea to call you George-Michael. You know? And I think it was just so that we didn't confuse you with your Uncle George or your Grandfather George. GEORGE MICHAEL Right. MICHAEL I got it, let’s call you Boy George? BEATRIX Singer Boy George in the news again today, this time for sexual assault in a men’s public bathroom. Beatrix Hebberly-Sneed, Wee BBC 2. GEORGE MICHAEL You know, I think I'll just-- I’ll stick with George-Michael. I mean, at least it was consensual. GEORGE MICHAEL But I guess the, uh-- The bigger point I'm making is just that, uh, it's hard to have any privacy now that they’ve stuck me with an actual roommate. MICHAEL Well, you know, listen, I'm all for kicking P-hound out. You know that. GEORGE MICHAEL You know, I didn't really mean privacy from him. MICHAEL I know. I know. I know. MICHAEL You want your space from me? GEORGE MICHAEL Um. MICHAEL Look, , listen, hey, hey, look, look, listen, listen, lookit, are you listening? You want your space, I get it. I did not mean to crowd you, pal. MICHAEL Listen, I thought that this was-- That this was fun, and it is okay if you didn’t see it that way. GEORGE MICHAEL Dad. MICHAEL Buddy, it's not like I don’t have someplace to go. You know, I’ll just go right back to the model home. They don’t have internet there, so I'll just put the law school on pause. It’s not the first time that I’ve done that. You know, last time I did that, you were born. GEORGE MICHAEL Right. MICHAEL You know what? Screw it. Maybe I'll just go to the real Phoenix and finish school. They got one in Costa Mesa. MICHAEL Plus, they want me for an article. Media wants to talk to Daddy about the real estate business and once they do that I’m gonna be right back on top-- You know what? This is your school rally shirt. You know, same size, medium. You know where mine is? We wear the same size, like tw-- We're just like tw-- Couple of identical-- GEORGE MICHAEL Dad. Dad, no. I-- Look, I was not talking about privacy from you, per se. I was talking about my software. MICHAEL What’s that? GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, it's privacy software. That's why the word came up. RON It's not why the word came up, but George- Michael was writing code for a block software with his roommate that was proving challenging. GEORGE MICHAEL It seems like you're leaving a hole just right in the middle of the block. RON Both because of online threats to his privacy... HOUND It's Fortran. Otherwise people will be able to hack in through a mobile platform portal and it won't block anything 3G. RON ...and some in-room threats to his privacy as well. MICHAEL Buddy, is that school work? GEORGE MICHAEL No, we’re just right in the middle of this software. MICHAEL Great. Good. Give me the lappy, I’ll hit save for you. I got to Skype with my advisor in Phoenix and if I don't get on right now he's gonna have to Skype me from a T.G.I. Fridays. MICHAEL Oh. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah. MICHAEL Phew. ‘Cause that hurt for a second. I was like; "he wants me to go?" GEORGE MICHAEL No. No, no, no. MICHAEL No? Yeah? No. Software? GEORGE MICHAEL No, I mean, yeah, I may need some privacy, you know, to work on it, and that might mean you going. MICHAEL Oh, you mean here. Yeah. Clearing out an an hour here or there, yes? Got it. Not a problem. You give me a little fair warning, I clear right out of here. Let's schedule it now. We can do it. I need help with the calendar though. It's like stuck on 2003 for some reason. Help me just break in-- GEORGE MICHAEL You just hit "Today." “Today” button. MICHAEL Sorry, it’s stuck in 2003 so I don’t have “Today.” I need to jump forward quite a number of years. GEORGE MICHAEL No, I know, there’s a-- The button that says “Today.” MICHAEL This has no button, it’s a new kind of-- GEORGE MICHAEL Anyway, I’m just gonna run downstairs and grab a bite. MICHAEL Wait, I want to go. Let me go. I’ll go. I’m hungry. RON Michael Bluth was fitting right in with his son's college experience. MICHAEL She's cute. She'd be a cute for you, huh? Get-able. Right? Hey, tell me about the Software thing. This is the Faceblock thing you were working on? Is that like Facebook? GEORGE MICHAEL Uh, well, no. It's kind of the opposite of Facebook, you know. Facebook connects you everyone, and this blocks you from everyone. MICHAEL Oh, I see. Kind of the 'anti-social' network, right? GEORGE MICHAEL That’s very good. MICHAEL You can use it. I don't understand the internet Stuff. You give me all the parts and you tell me to build a television set, I could bang that out, but, you know, I can’t the right day to display on my calendar. GEORGE MICHAEL You just press "today." MICHAEL Yeah, just tried that. It doesn't work on mine, pal. But this is very, very, very exciting! You know, because once they come out with that article on me in that in-flight magazine, you know, the family is going to be right back on top. The guy's doing a whole spread on me. GEORGE MICHAEL In-flight magazine? MICHAEL Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's called Altitudes. It’s for OutWest Airlines. Next to SkyMall, it's like the number two most read in all of coach, well, three with the safety card, but it'll get a lot of attention for Sudden Valley. And then with your internet company, it’s gonna be like we’re gonna have two businesses. You know? And yours sounds like such a natural. I mean, no one likes to share their identity. GEORGE MICHAEL Right. MICHAEL Okay, give me your meal-plan card, I'm going to run in there, I’m gonna grab a tray, you run around back, make sure you get there in time before my hand stamp dries. Okay? Here we go. RON Michael had a right to be excited. RON It had been many years since the Bluth family had had any business success. RON Not since Michael's mother Lucille had sold off a quarter of the company just before the onset of the great dark period. STAN SITWELL I'll take it off your hands right now. RON But after examining the company's prospects... GOB Are those police boats? RON Stan Sitwell quickly divested himself. STAN SITWELL Lucille Two! How'd you like to be bumped up to Lucille 1? RON So the Bluth family had a new stakeholder. RON …whiletheoldone, whoknewshe'dbe implicated in some of the family's misdeeds... LUCILLE You boys know how to shovel coal? RON …headedoutonwhatevertheoppositeofa maiden voyageis. RON Michael, however, made a pledge not to get pulled into the drama and to let the family keep themselves all together for a while. And he set off to sea even as his mother mysteriously turned back JOHN BEARD Why the alleged shipjacker changed direction is still unexplained. But what is known is that many of the charges against this sea-ward matriarch will fall under the dominion of the little understood maritime law. RON And soon the hearing drew near... BARRY Well, I missed the hearing. RON …and then passed. BARRY Oh, it just snuck up on me. And then they called and they wanted me there at eight bells. You know, I thought that was their 5pm. By the time I got back, the courtroom was reverted back to the crab restaurant. MICHAEL Eight bells refers to a watch length. It's maritime law. RON Yes, Michael returned after all. MICHAEL You know, one bell is struck after thirty minutes, two bells after… RON It seems Michael had been interested in maritime law since playing a lawyer in an original school play titled The Trial of Captain Hook. YOUNG MICHAEL You're a crook Captain Hook RON Prior to this his only dream had been to possess the power of flight. RON But that one turned out to be not as much fun as he'd thought. YOUNG BUSTER Watch out for the seal! Loose seal! YOUNG LUCILLE I'm watching. YOUNG MICHAEL You’re out of the play. MICHAEL That's why at sea, a watch with no incidents is described as "Eight bells and all is well." BARRY Wow. Maybe you should be the Maritime lawyer. MICHAEL This is what I've been saying. Because I did go to law school with an emphasis on Maritime law. LUCILLE Oh, your one year of law school is going to beat Barry's three? That's ridiculous. We'll hire the best. MICHAEL And who's going to pay for the best, Mom? LUCILLE We have money from selling some shares . Plus we got that stimulus package. GEORGE SR What are you talking about? That money is spent. I just bought four thousand acres of California desert. MICHAEL Time out, hang on. What's this? GEORGE SR Yeah, ahem, I'm gonna be moving there for a little while. Old big bear's not going to be around much anymore. MICHAEL I don't care about that-- LUCILLE He’s in denial. We’re getting divorced. GEORGE SR Your mother and I are getting a divorce. BUSTER MICHAEL I wanna know-- MICHAEL You couldn't use any of that money to finish Sudden Valley? GEORGE SR You don't consider that finished? LUCILLE So the family got a little stimmy. Don't make a Federal case out of it. MICHAEL Thatis exactly what they're going to make out of it. And when you say family you mean our family? They've already gotten their hooks in it? Buster, no offense. BUSTER None taken. BUSTER I keep losing my jewels. GEORGE SR Michael, youneveraccept helpfromanyone. That's why we didn't cut you in. We didn't want to demean you. It's like tipping an African American. You wouldn'ttipan African American wouldyou? MICHAEL Of course I would. GEORGE SR On a train? MICHAEL Did you know about all this? BARRY I've been tipping them! Even a waiter? MOVER Okay, the treadmill's up and running. MOVER 2 We got the door on. And we were able to match the faux on the paint. GEORGE SR Well, thank you so much for your hard work. LUCILLE So long. GEORGE SR Michael, we can't give you that money. We gotta keep you clean! You'rethekey witness inyour mother's trial. MICHAEL Let me get this straight, I still have to do all the work as the president of the company, but Ican’tuseany of themoney for the company and you won't let me help with your case, but you’d still like for me to testify at your trial, is that right? LUCILLE Ijustwantyoutosay Iwasalovingmother. MICHAEL Andnowperjury GEORGESR Hey, itwasn’teasytoget Lucille 2 tokeepyouonaspresident. MICHAEL I'll be sure to thank her. LUCILLE Don't thank her. She doesn't have enough shares to stop us. MICHAEL Hmm. RON And that's how Michaelfound away to finish Sudden Valley himself. LUCILLE 2 Well, hello. RON He simply traded his shares of the Bluth company to Lucille 2… MICHAEL I hold on to Sudden Valley, it’s like a pet project-- RON …getting himself out, andgivingthebalance ofpower... LUCILLE 2 There’s one other thing. RON …toawomanwhohadnopowerof balance. RON Andforthefirsttimehedidn'tfeelheneeded to tell his family he was done with them. RON But he did anyway. MICHAEL You know what? I'm done with this family. I hope you’ve saved some money, because you're going to need every dime now! What's this? RON And with his newfound wealth, Michael was not only able to send his son off… MICHAEL Get out of here. RON …to bright future in college with the family car… RON …he was also able to finish the long delayed housing development, Sudden Valley.. RON But this time, under his own company name. CARPENTER Maybe I can give you a tip. You might want to put a road up to this place. MICHAEL Well, we paved the neighborhood, just waiting for the city to build a road to it. RON And although his mother’s day in court was something both he and his college-bound son would miss… RON …Michael truly felt that nothing could go wrong. And then something did. RON Not that. That happens all the time. RON This. JOHN BEARD The collapse of the California housing market is taking a personal toll with cutbacks here at the station. RON And since the main internet and information cable had been severed when the community pool was installed.... RON Michael suddenly found himself living in a ghost town he himself built. MICHAEL Well, that’s not a great sign. MICHAEL This is why you don't confide in a competitor. RON Michael was desperate to cover his copious building costs… MICHAEL Just till I get on my feet. RON …so he returned to a woman he could count on to put off his downfall. LUCILLE 2 Gotcha! RON Just as he could count on her putting him off and falling down. MICHAEL You did. Bye-bye. MICHAEL That’s a hot mess. RON But weeks stretched into months, and the situation got bleaker. RON And it was either this that made him lose hope... PETE Love each other. MICHAEL Pete. Pete. RON Or possibly it was the death of that mailman. MICHAEL Wait here. Hang on, Pete! RON But Michael finally gave up. MICHAEL I got one bar. RON And having alienated everyone else in his family, turned to the one person he had left. MICHAEL I thought we'd have Thanksgiving dinner here for your senior year. GEORGE MICHAEL I don't have a kitchen. MICHAEL Oh, these are my clothes. Pete died. GEORGE MICHAEL God. RON And so Michael moved into his son's college dorm room. MICHAEL You are kidding me, they’re gonna be in seat-backs today? That is great news! RON Which, in the new economy, wasn't as unusual a phenomenon as you might think. TRANG Don't go through my stuff, Granddad! GRANDDAD Hey, who do you think paid for your stuff? MICHAEL Excuse me, sorry, do you know where George-Michael is? TRANG Um, he's in the computer lab. MICHAEL Great. There’s a computer lab? GRANDDAD There’s a computer lab? GEORGE MICHAEL I'm putting up a wall. We need to rework our whole system here. MICHAEL Sounds like you guys are working on your privacy software, huh? GEORGE MICHAEL Hey, how’d you find me? MICHAEL Uh, Trang's grandfather. Boy, shoot me if I'm eighty-six, living in my grandson's dorm, huh? Pal. Good news. The article they did on me in Altitude magazinecomes out today! HOUND You're in Attitude? That magazine is gay! RON Oh, he wasn't being flip with the word "gay." Attitude is a British magazine for homosexuals. MICHAEL Altitude. It is OutWest Airlines in- flight magazine. GEORGE MICHAEL Can I see it? HOUND Probably doesn’t have it. Try finding a flight at this time of the year. MICHAEL You ever even been on a plane you piece of s**t? GEORGE MICHAEL So can I see it? MICHAEL It is not in the terrestrial newsstands just yet. Guess what, though. You, my friend, are in the article. GEORGE MICHAEL I’m in it? MICHAEL You’re in it. You’re in it. I mentioned you. I mentioned that I’m living in your dorm. I thought that it might help with your popularity problem. HOUND Well, I'm gonna get going while the room is empty. MICHAEL Okay, great. See you later. MICHAEL Boy, that's got to drive you crazy, right? The whole reason you had to come to the computer lab was for privacy. It's no wonder you can't get a real girl up there. RON Michael was referring to something he'd walked in on a few days earlier. MICHAEL P-Hound. HOUND There's a girl in there. MICHAEL There is? Well, where the hell is George-Michael? MICHAEL Excuse me. Hello? GEORGE MICHAEL Dad. Hi. MICHAEL Yeah, there’s nobody in here. Buddy, bad news. P-Hound is yanking our chain again. MAEBY Uncle Michael. MICHAEL Oh, my God, hello there. Thereis a kindofgirlhere! Didn't say it was your cousin. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, he doesn’t know. MICHAEL Oh, that's smart. Let him think there’s a girl in here. GEORGE MICHAEL Actually, we've been talking about how crowded that room is and, uh, P-Hound was suggesting that maybe we-- Maybe we do a vote to see who stays in the dorm room. MICHAEL He suggested that? Are you serious? GEORGE MICHAEL Well, the thing is that the room is only sanctioned for two. MICHAEL Right, and we have a vote he's gone in two seconds. Two against one, right? GEORGE MICHAEL Well, actually-- MICHAEL We gotta do it. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, the thing is that it kind of puts me in an awkward position. MICHAEL Hi. MAEBY Hey. GEORGE MICHAEL Because since there’s only three people voting, everyone’s gonna know who voted against who. MICHAEL Well, what about if your "girlfriend" wants to move in ? That way she gets a vote. MAEBY I'm just here for tutoring. GEORGE MICHAEL She's not my girlfriend. She’s my cousin. MAEBY I’m not attracted to him. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, why is that even an issue? MICHAEL P-Hound doesn't know any of that stuff. Okay? He'll just think her vote’s the one that got him out. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, wouldn't my girlfriend want to get rid of my father? MAEBY I’m not your girlfriend. MICHAEL Not your girlfriend. GEORGE MICHAEL Yeah, but he doesn’t know that. MICHAEL No, well, someone’s gotta vote for me, that’s right, otherwise it's suspicious. We don't want a palace coup, right. GEORGE MICHAEL Well, I’ll vote you out. Happy to do it. MAEBY Yeah, I will. MICHAEL I wouldn’t make you do that. You know, then I fall down a flight of stairs, I crack my head open, you feel bad about yourself your whole life. RON And perhaps it was the chair that fooled Michael into thinking his next idea was a good one. MICHAEL What if I vote myself out? GEORGE MICHAEL You’d do that? MAEBY How would that help? MICHAEL It's simple algebra. You two vote against P-Hound, nobody knows who did what because there’s a vote against me in there, and it's adios, brothero. It cannot fail. RON Michael was pleased with his plan. GEORGE MICHAEL Won't that make it a tie? RON Briefly. MICHAEL Hmm? GEORGE MICHAEL I mean, if the two of us vote against P- Hound, and you and P-Hound vote against you, then it's two against two. Right? MICHAEL Wow. You think-- You think that he’d vote against me? I mean… GEORGE MICHAEL Um. MICHAEL All right, new plan. RON The details of the plan continued to develop through lunch... MICHAEL So we got two scenarios. It's either two votes against P-Hound, one vote against Maeby, one against me, with that vote being my own, or if it's two votes against me then clearly P-Hound is being nasty, that triggers a re-count and then it's a P-Hound blitz. We all vote against P-Hound and he’s gone. MAEBY Mm-hm. What if whoever loses… MICHAEL Yeah. MAEBY …refuses to go. MICHAEL You think P-Hound would do that? Okay, new plan. RON And so the planning continued through what should have been Organic Chemistry. MICHAEL And we all pack ahead of time. Really pack a bag so it doesn't look rigged, you know. And then the loser, straight out the door. I mean that’s-- That's the deal. You know, that's the cost of having a vote. That's the price of freedom. GEORGE MICHAEL You know, maybe it's better if we're all just direct with each other. You know, just say what's on our minds. MAEBY Yeah, I think it's going to come out anyway. GEORGE MICHAEL Um, Dad, you know, I've really loved living with you-- MICHAEL No talking. No talking once the votes come in, you just run out the door. That's the missing piece. That’s it. This plan is fool-proof. Oh, I've cherished this too, pal. Yeah. How many fathers get to go to college with their kid, huh? RON So obviously, this is what happened. RON Michael read his own vote first. MICHAEL First vote to remove Michael. MICHAEL Well, what are you going to do? Second vote to remove Michael. RON Michael expected this, but didn't expect the sting. MICHAEL Wow. Obviously, if there is a tie, there’s an immediate run-off. MICHAEL Third vote to remove P- Michael? MICHAEL Didyoumeanto write "George-Michael?" RON Obviously the verdict was in. And it's hardtoknowexactly why Michael opened the fourth ballot. Was it out of hope? Or confusion? Eitherway, it couldn’tbewhathewanted to read. RON Michael did the only thing he could think of that would save face. RON Michael had just been stunned by some bad news. And with nowhere to go, he decided to pick up a copy of Altitudeto lift his spirits. MICHAEL Hi. Hello. STARSKY Hey. Where are you heading to today, sir? MICHAEL Well, actually, I justwantedacopy ofyourin- flight magazine, Altitude. STARSKY Ah, this is ticketing. You can get the magazine on the flight. MICHAEL I get it. But I’m actually-- I’m in the magazine. STARSKY How many bags? MICHAEL I'm not checking these. STARSKY Sorry, you actuallycan't carrythoseonboard. MICHAEL Let me start over. Uh, I am the star of Altitude magazine this month. Or quarter, actually. It's an April-September issue. And I just wanted to get a copy. Not flying anywhere. STARSKY Why do you have suitcases? MICHAEL Thoseareirrelevant. STARSKY Not to me. MICHAEL Okay. I was mistakenly voted out of a four person housing situation in a pack first/no-talking-after scenario. Does that clear it up for you? STARSKY What do you mean by "mistakenly"? MICHAEL I votedagainstmyselftosparemysontheembarrassmentofhavingtovote hisownfatherout of his dorm. That’s all. LAKE But that leaves three other votes. MICHAEL Yeah. Can I get a copy of the magazine, please? STARSKY No, I'msorry, they’reactuallyforpassengers. We don't even give out honey nuts so we’re not gonna give you a magazine. SPOON Who wants honey nuts? MICHAEL I don't want the honey nuts. I wannajust jump onto the plane, grab a magazine. SPOON Oh, okay, yeah, sure, wejust, uh, letpeoplewalk onto theplaneall the time. Do you want a box cutter also? JASPAR These guys are jerks. Take that, take that. MICHAEL Tell you what. Give me a one-way ticket toyour cheapest destination. SPOON You lucked out. Today it’s Pittsburgh. MICHAEL What’s the second cheapest? RON So Michael ended up spending a little more to fly a little less. And after some confusion at security… GREG But you've got nothing in your luggage. MICHAEL I wasn't supposed to be traveling today. I told you, it was a voting situation, there was a miscalculation. GREG Well, I mean, obviously P-Hound’s gonna vote against you. MICHAEL These three people with burka’s just walked right by you. RON …he found his seat. Unfortunately theseathe was assigneddidn’thavea seatback pocket. MICHAEL Hello. Does each ticket entitle the passenger to an in-flight magazine? FLIGHT ATTENDANT No, it only guarantees you a seat. Perhaps Ican ask anotherpassenger forone, or if I’d rather, youcan. RON Michaelhadto goback fourseats beforesomeone would. RON And Michael kicked himself for a pose he thoughtwouldexpress humility to Sanjiv, the Altitude photographer. RON And so Michael, a man who'd for years threatened to leave his family, but had always stayedforhis son, amanwho nolonger had that excuse nor anywhere to live… RON …foundhimselfwith nothing to lose in a town that he'd always imagined would be his destiny. RON Andforthefirsttimeinmanyyears, Michael had hope. RON Onthenext; Arrested Development, Michael. RON Michaelsteps out of theairconditionedairport. MICHAEL Ihopeyouknow agoodplacetolivebecause I'm--- Phew. Dear Lord. Because I’m looking to make a new start-- DRIVER Don't touch that handle! MICHAEL Oh, mother of God. Dear Lord. Phew. RON And Michael returns to the only viable place he can think of to live. MICHAEL Gentlemen,startyourengines. RON Wherehebeginshisnewlifecleaningupafterhisfamily’soldone. MICHAEL Buster. No.No, Gob. RON Itwas Lindsay. Panavision